Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 38 | How to Protect a Child as the Father

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Ep. 38 | How to Protect a Child as the Father · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:06
  Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Beth Key, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned.
• 0:27
  What's up, guys? Jeff and Jeremy here back with another day of 5-Minute Fatherhood. We have a question from our Facebook group, 5-Minute Fatherhood. You can find us on there. And Casey said, I have a brand new daughter. How do I protect her heart and set her up for healthy boundaries? And then we weren't exactly sure what he meant, so then we asked for some elaboration. And he said, how can I teach her to discern the wolves in sheep's clothing, repel the snakes, and attract godly men, and not just don't touch the bathing suit stuff, which I wasn't sure exactly what that meant. You don't know that? Yeah.
• 0:57
  You didn't grow up in a youth group, Jeff? I guess not. Don't touch the bathing suit areas. Is that a rule? Yeah, this is what youth pastors said. I guess this was like 1980s, 1990s youth pastor lore. Everyone wanted to know how far is too far, and you say don't touch any of the areas that the bathing suit touches. That's funny. We can get past that, I think, Casey.
• 1:21
  Exactly. Exactly. Well, the classic one, I guess, then for my era was more like, what was it when we were at camp? It was like, boys are blue, girls are red, don't make purple or something like that. So, you know, so there's all the classic cheesy youth group ones. But okay, so I think I get the heart of what Casey's saying. And yeah, just how do you kind of, I think, I think, I think what he's trying to say is how do you, um,
• 1:41
  set up your daughter to not be gullible is the wrong word, but just to be sharp and to be understand the world and what she's entering into and how to be aware. And I think sons too, I think you'd actually need to address this to both. But yeah, what would you say that how do you give your kid kind of the vision and the intelligence and the sharpness and the shrewdness to actually live in this world as kingdom citizen and not just say like, Oh, let's go hide out or let's leave or let's retreat against different temptations and worldviews. And so I'd love to hear what you say on this.
• 2:09
  Yeah, I'm curious how this is going to come across, and I'm excited to hear, Jeff, how you react to this. My response is that women, it takes the heart and the discernment of a man to read the heart of a man. And so what I've done with each of my daughters as they got to the age where this is possible is we've talked strategically about how they will insert me into all of those relationships.
• 2:34
  and not in some weird way where I'm controlling the whole situation. It's just that I know the guy, I've met the guy, I've talked to him, I have a relationship with him. And so each of our daughters, as they've entered that phase, I've asked for that trust. So if a guy starts to text them, starts to be interested in them, starts to want to take them out or do something, then the next step is that I engage with the guy. And I've had
• 3:00
  phone conversations, like Kelsey will say to a guy who might be interested, hey, sure, why don't you give my dad a call? I think, and I just had this, there was a conversation one of my other daughters was having with texting back and forth with the guy. And so we talked about it. And then I said, start a group text with me and him and you. And I have some questions and I want to get to know him a little bit.
• 3:22
  You know, I think what happens is two things happen at that moment. One is the guy is probably, you know, a little bit shocked. Like all of a sudden it's like not this totally private thing between me and your daughter, right? And so I think he becomes a little bit more thoughtful about the way that he's approaching the relationship. And then if I do get any red flags, I can work on them or I can engage or I could talk to my daughter or I can talk to him.
• 3:49
  And so that's how I've dealt with it right now, because I don't think that in the heat of the moment when your daughter is pretty young and pretty impressionable, there's a way to make her immune to men who are very shrewd, very manipulative, very careful at trying to take advantage of them.
• 4:11
  And like Casey's saying here, the wolves, man, they can be really hard to deal with. And I don't know that there's a way to completely avoid that. And so the way that I like to do it is I'll take personal responsibility for being engaged, being an engaged dad in a relationship, not in an overhanding, authoritative way, but just in an engaged way like –
• 4:33
  And bring them over. Let's have a conversation. You want to take my daughter out? Come in the house and let's talk. And I even will say to guys, if there's any boundaries, I communicate them to my daughter, but I've had situations where I'll actually tell the guy, tell me what your boundaries are. Write them to me, and I'll talk to you about them.
• 4:53
  And then I'll hold you accountable to what we've agreed to. Things like that. Man to man. I mean, that's a totally different scenario. Guys totally respond differently when they realize that they're being held accountable by another man. They realize that this girl is protected.
• 5:12
  And that is what daughters need. Daughters need to be protected. And I know that that's not the most politically correct thing in our day and age, but I think that it's far more safe and far more consistent with the way that God designed the world. There's a lot of evil out there, and we need to address it as a team, and the Father has a particular role in that process. But what do you think, Jeff?
• 5:36
  Yeah. No, I think I totally agree. I think what I'm hearing you say is don't think that you can somehow impart so much wisdom, so much teaching, be the best dad possible, that you'll get to this point where then you can send them out and basically never talk to them about that stuff and they'll be fine. That I think is kind of a fallacy and a lie. I think what I'm hearing you say is be an advisor, just like the president has advisors, just like a CEO has advisors. Like,
• 6:02
  Like you kind of are the boardroom of trying to like offer advice and help and kind of those bigger decisions and kind of a filter and a sounding board. And basically like you're involved in it. You're an advisor to the situation. And that's what I'm hearing you saying. I think that's totally right and appropriate. And then I think, yeah, you start getting into like –
• 6:19
  The people don't realize if we're, I don't know if he's specifically talking about dating, but if he is, then yeah, like the, the modern dating is a weird construct. Like it's a very weird thing that you can actually have like a private relationship scenario apart from like the city you live in, the work you do, the family you're apart. Like there's a weird disconnect on like every little stream of connection.
• 6:43
  that you should have in your life and in your city and in your location. Like even the invention of the automobile did radical things for dating because you can now get in a car and go somewhere. Like before, I don't know what it looked like before, but it just didn't look like that. It looked like let's go pluck some corn in the backyard or I'll work for your dad or I don't know, but you can't.
• 7:02
  Like it just – it didn't exist. The whole like recreational entertainment-based thing that's primarily centered on romance and primarily centered on let's go to dinner, let's go to a movie has really only been around since the automobile. Yeah.
• 7:16
  And that's just – there's been a lot more love before then. There's been a lot more marriages and babies before then. So I don't know how they did it. They didn't do it that way. And it was a lot more integrated. And I just think, yeah, we're weird by thinking that it's weird to have someone else involved who's way smarter than the young people who are not smart and need that. And I wish I had that. Like it's just – it makes sense. It makes sense to me. And it's like you're kind of just welcoming wisdom.
• 7:40
  You're welcoming help. You're welcoming like – you're entering into a new season, right, when your daughters or your sons get into that stage of like – oh, and anyone in any new job or new season should say, I need help. And not welcoming that help is foolish and unwise. That's right. I think, yeah. So you want to set your daughter and your son up to welcome help.
• 8:00
  that help when they are entering into uncharted territory, which we're meant to go to. We're meant to go to that uncharted territory, but with help and with wisdom. So yeah, that's what I would end on. Casey, I hope that's helpful. I hope that's encouraging and hopefully it gave you kind of some fodder for thought about what you're asking.
• 8:16
  Hey guys, if you like this short content on 5-Minute Fatherhood, then you're going to love long-form interviews that Jeremy and I do with other dads just like you over at Dads Building Teams. We go much more in-depth hearing the stories, challenges, and journeys of different dads who are trying to build multi-generational teams on mission. Just go to whatever podcast platform you use and search for Dads Building Teams.