Latest / Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast / Season Two, Episode Six: Hot Wheels

Transcript

Season Two, Episode Six: Hot Wheels · Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast

0:00
Greetings scum, and welcome to Flail the Face.
0:02
I am your flailmeister, Kevin, and I'm here again with these
0:05
degenerate inmate world devastators.
0:09
Yes. Yeah, yeah, sure.
0:11
I'll go with that. At least one world is gone
0:13
because of us. Mm hmm.
0:15
Vroom vroom baby. Let's not stop there.
0:17
Let's Yeah. And I'm Thomas, and I'm playing
0:20
Dalton Walls, who is in the body of someone else today.
0:24
I'm Tom Gambino and I am Colette Stellano, who is also in the
0:28
body of someone else. I'm Mr. Paschke and I am also
0:32
playing someone in the body of someone else, mainly Donnie, but
0:36
you know, could also be a Morgan.
0:41
I. Guess with that being said, it
0:44
makes. Well, when we last left, you
1:18
guys, if you probably proper fucked a whole world by
1:23
apprehending somebody, thought according to Doctor
1:27
Throckmorton, was supposed to be tearing down this world, but as
1:31
it turns out they were there to help save it.
1:34
You guys found out that these hell spawn, we're basically kind
1:37
of on the same mission as you guys, there to work off their
1:41
time, not so much in Jayla, but as in Hell, and they're hunting
1:46
down demons and these realms. And by you picking up this one
1:51
and bringing them back to hole, you've basically just doomed the
1:55
whole place, the whole realm. OK, Sarah.
1:58
Sarah. You were given the information
2:00
you were given and now you guys are informed that in fact these
2:04
hell spawn are there to take the demons that are trying to take
2:08
over these realms and basically terraform them into their own
2:13
evil bullshit land. You guys are now working in
2:17
conjunction with these hell spawn.
2:19
The same agreement is still there.
2:22
You're going to be working off your prison sentence by doing
2:25
this, but you realize that it's not just picking up random
2:29
prisoners that have escaped the prison planet.
2:32
You're there to help take down major demons that are trying to
2:37
take over these realms. That being said, after this
2:40
agreement has been done, you guys get strapped in, you guys
2:42
are sent off on another mission. You guys are being transported
2:46
to Arcada City to meet up with Tungoska, which is another one
2:52
of the hell spawn, and then help aid them as you guys are
2:56
transported in. You guys are inhabiting these
2:58
bodies of people that are on a racetrack.
3:01
Dalton, you're in the front seat in a vehicle with just a
3:04
steering wheel and a gas pedal. Donnie, you're in a vehicle
3:08
right behind this one that's got a no shit bar and a brake.
3:12
Collette, you are manning what appears to be a turret, but you
3:16
don't feel the same. Obviously you're in somebody
3:19
else's body. While in this body you still
3:21
have your own again, but you also have the consciousness and
3:25
the memories of the people that you're in.
3:27
Who exactly are these people that were violating their
3:30
bodies? Make it sound so dirty when you
3:33
say it that way. Well, yeah.
3:35
Dalton is getting flashes in the the name Axel Weasel Dust comes
3:41
to mind. He's getting flashes of a meteor
3:45
coming down from the sky, half of it breaking off and hitting
3:49
into the distance. He was with a unit of soldiers
3:55
in that first night after that meteor hit, mutated beans coming
4:00
in and just tearing his unit apart.
4:02
He suffered chemical burns and such from that encounter.
4:07
He ended up getting infected by radioactive material, and these
4:12
mutations has led to him growing extra eyes periodically in
4:17
different portions of his. Body terrifying.
4:20
Other than that he has jinko shorts with a chain wallet and
4:26
then like a fishnet top and then his hair is emo comb over style.
4:32
Get ready for Oz Fest. A bands tour bro Oh.
4:35
Bands tour. Colette when she beams down into
4:39
this body, the first thing that she sees is her arms holding
4:44
this turret gun, but the sleeves of her jacket are bright purple
4:50
with white studs and they have tassels hanging from them.
4:54
She looks down at her shirt. She sees a a white button up
5:00
shirt with no tie but a huge pendant hanging from her chest
5:06
and she takes a look and it just says the name Hank and then it
5:10
all floods back to her. She is embodying the amazing
5:15
Hank, the shortwave evangelist that preaches his messages all
5:20
over the wasteland with his ham radio collecting congregants to.
5:26
His message and that is that food chips are people, but there
5:33
are something else in them and they want to get in your soul,
5:37
God damn it. They want to infect your mind.
5:40
They just blow. Yes, that leaves me.
5:43
So yeah, is is poof. More like foppish.
5:47
Is foppish okay? Yeah, fantastic.
5:51
So working the brakes of our vehicle is Morgan Cyber Tanner.
5:58
Cyber Tanner. So like leather but with bits.
6:04
I don't know. But either way, he's got a thing
6:07
of SCA plate mail, which is pretty shiny because, you know,
6:12
his name's Morgan. Could be her, I don't know.
6:15
It's kind of a Morgan. Like all the Morgans I know are
6:19
happened to be girls. But then there's Morgan Freeman
6:21
and not a girl. Not a girl at all.
6:25
Salutation. Yeah.
6:27
So yeah, that's an explanation as to what I've got here on my
6:33
screen. So as these memories are
6:35
flooding into you and you're trying to process what's going
6:38
on, you notice that yours is not the only vehicle in this line.
6:42
To your left, there is a box truck with just the burliest,
6:47
beefiest BLOB of man in it. It looks like they built the box
6:52
truck around him, and behind the box truck is a chopper with a
6:55
sidecar with what appears to be two people, maybe 1.
7:02
They seem to be conjoined at some point.
7:05
They're 11 sitting in the sidecar itself.
7:08
The other one is holding on to the handlebars and gripping the
7:12
brakes on the handlebars because as you look over the box truck
7:16
is starting to pull away but there is a 5 foot chain between
7:21
the box truck and the motorcycle and that is what's connecting
7:25
them together. In the sidecar itself you notice
7:28
there seems to be some sort of cannon with a hopper on top and
7:31
the person in there is just throwing as much garbage and
7:34
shit into it as possible. And to your right, you see that
7:38
there's a pickup truck with very skinny, drug addled, toothless,
7:44
pockmarked guy driving it. And behind it is a car with no
7:48
trunk. There's another toothless,
7:50
skinny, sickly looking person in the driver's seat of the car,
7:54
and yet a third one in the back rifling through some stuff where
7:57
the trunk is. And you'll see that that car
7:59
also pulls forward and there's a chain connecting the vehicles
8:03
together. They seem to be inching forward
8:05
to the starting line of what appears to be some sort of race.
8:09
The box truck is seems to be pulling further on that bike
8:13
because the bike seems to be dragging behind it.
8:15
There's a person off in the distance, a young lady with a
8:18
little flag, and she drops the flag.
8:22
Engines start revving and revving and revving.
8:24
And as soon as the flag hits the ground, Thomas, go ahead and
8:28
roll me a D20. We are going to be rolling for
8:32
who gets the jump on positioning.
8:34
I got a 10. OK, so both the box truck and
8:38
the pickup start to pull ahead, but barely.
8:42
They're neck and neck and you're right behind them.
8:45
Somebody roll initiative. I will.
8:47
Do that. Side note Thomas, as you are
8:51
pulling away you see in the passenger seat a map which will
8:55
be on the discord. We're all the five, by the way.
8:59
Perfect. So it is you guys.
9:01
So the map is going to be showing you the route you're
9:04
going to be going, and you know that this isn't going to be
9:07
something simple. It never is.
9:10
It. Never is.
9:13
Right. I'm pretty sure I know the
9:15
glitch to this one. If we if we can jump right
9:18
there, we'll like skip 1/4 of the the map and that'll put us
9:22
in the 1st. OK.
9:24
And I mean it's a no risk thing because that little like cloud
9:27
goblins going to come and drop. Yeah, we'll lose a balloon,
9:31
Sure, sure, of course. But.
9:33
We'll be fine. All right.
9:34
You guys want initiative? Who would like to do what?
9:37
I am slamming onto the gas. Perfect.
9:40
Half out of reaction, half out of just like disorientation.
9:44
And that's a button. Let's just press it.
9:46
Perfect. As soon as Dalton hits the gas,
9:49
Collette, AKA the amazing Hank goes.
9:51
Boo. God damn it, Dalton, why don't
9:55
you learn how to drive? I don't know who doubt this.
9:58
Like, did I say that I don't know who the boy?
10:01
I was the Hank that said that. Oh God, it's happening.
10:04
All right, Miss Pesci. Yeah, so I'm not pumping the
10:08
brakes. I'm just like hanging on goes oh
10:10
this will be so much fun. All right, so you chomp on the
10:16
gas and you have caught up to the other two.
10:19
Everyone is neck and neck. Now, you'll notice that on the
10:22
print out I sent you guys the other day, your truck does have
10:26
the light turret, which Hank is running it, but it also has
10:29
spikes on the tires. So if you guys end up doing any
10:32
sort of side swiping or anything, that does add more
10:34
damage. Point of order.
10:35
Thomas Like are we all in the same car or is Thomas in front
10:38
of us? Thomas is in the lead car.
10:41
You and Mr. Paschke are in the back car.
10:44
OK, does Morgan have any sort of control?
10:47
Like they throw his body into the side of it to try and get
10:51
this trailer basically to start fishtailing?
10:53
Dude, I've got a. Brake, but yeah, like so can we
10:59
steer? Thomas has got all the steering
11:01
and all the acceleration. You have the brakes.
11:04
So there's all right, Cool, cool.
11:07
OK, so yeah, I can, I can hit the brakes, but the why like.
11:13
Well, I mean hairpin turns, you're going to need to slow
11:15
down a bit, otherwise you're going to lose control.
11:17
OK, that's. What guardrails are for?
11:19
Yeah, that's that's how cowards drive, not us.
11:24
Who are the cars behind us? Everybody is neck and neck,
11:27
basically a three-way tie. OK, so while I'm considering,
11:31
can I side swipe into or try to like swing the rear car to get
11:38
Morgan to side swipe into the motorcycle?
11:41
Absolutely. How is the motorcycle going to
11:44
break enough to slow down a box truck?
11:48
That's a good question. Box truck is probably not very
11:50
fast to begin with. Especially with a big fat man in
11:53
it. Yeah, like I said, it was built
11:55
around him. Well, I hate this one thing.
11:59
Go ahead and make an edge test. I think it's agility plus the
12:04
edge modifier for the rear car. So go ahead and roll an agility
12:08
test. OK.
12:10
And the edge of the vehicle gets added along with the agility.
12:14
Yes. OK, so that's 15.
12:16
My agility is 3 so 18 edge of two so.
12:20
For the front car and the rear car.
12:22
Is that edge -2 or edge 2? That's edge 2, OK.
12:25
So dirty 20. OK, so they will have to defend
12:29
which oof, yeah, that's that's not a work.
12:32
Take that, bitch. OK, so you side swipe into it.
12:36
So go ahead and roll the damage, which would be D6 plus D4.
12:42
Morgan, you go ahead and roll that because I'm using you as
12:45
the weapon, OK? D6 and AD 4.
12:48
Yes. OK.
12:49
It's because the rear car has the spikes on it.
12:52
So yes, it's going to be AD 6 plus AD 4.
12:55
That is A9. OK.
12:57
And then they have D2 armor, so go ahead and minus AD 2.
13:01
Minus AD two, Yes, I'll get up here D 218. 8 damage so as you
13:09
whip around and smash the car into the motorcycle they lose
13:15
all control and they damn near wash out and almost run off into
13:19
the side. So, but the box truck is
13:22
basically just dragging this thing along with it.
13:24
The car next to you guys just seems to be trucking along the
13:28
truck itself. It has tank treads on it.
13:32
And those tank treads are just kicking up rock and dirt and
13:35
just making it difficult to see at this point.
13:37
You guys are coming up close to the first curve.
13:40
Thomas, go ahead and roll me a D20.
13:43
Just straight D20. I got a 17.
13:45
OK, so the truck with the tank treads starts to pull forward,
13:49
but you're right on its tail and the box truck with the
13:52
motorcycle seems to be falling behind as it's starting to go
13:56
towards that curve. As you guys get close to the
13:59
curve, Mr. Pashke, go ahead and roll a strength check to slow
14:03
down the car. That's neat.
14:06
OK, so as you step on the brake it starts to feel a little
14:10
squishy and you guys are not slowing down by any stretch of
14:12
the imagination as you come towards the curve.
14:16
Thomas, go ahead and roll an agility test to stay on the
14:19
course. Can I try to grind into the side
14:22
of the truck to slow myself down?
14:24
Absolutely, I will allow it. So that's agility again, Plus,
14:29
yeah, the edge. Edge, I believe yes.
14:31
OK, that's a 9 + 312 + 2, so 14. OK, so you butt into the side of
14:37
the truck with the treads, slowing yourself enough so that
14:40
you can make this turn. I yell back at what's Collett's
14:44
Walter. The amazing Hank.
14:46
Yeah, amazing. Hank, Hank, shoot them.
14:51
All right, well, who do you want me to shoot?
14:52
God damn it. I literally point at the truck
14:56
I'm rubbing into on the side and just like.
14:59
This one you. Idiot.
15:00
You don't got a shot at me, your goddamn Jackass and I.
15:05
Position my turret and I aim at the treads and I shoot.
15:08
All right, make a presence test. OK, it's.
15:11
Awesome. Fuck that's a 10.
15:14
I have 3 warps, I'm going to use one.
15:16
OK, reroll it. That's an 18.
15:20
Beautiful. And that is D10 damage.
15:24
That's a three. All right, so you fire off a
15:27
couple of rounds, they hit the tank treads.
15:31
You can see stuff starting to spit out, but it doesn't seem to
15:34
be that affected by it. The box truck you see on the
15:38
front of the box truck as you're passing it by, it's got a huge
15:42
fucking plow in the front of it. And the plow starts making its
15:46
way over to you, Thomas, like it's going to take the plow and
15:50
try to ram into the back car. Fuck hell it is.
15:53
So can I shoot at it? Well, you just took your turn,
15:58
so go ahead and roll defense. Agility.
16:02
Sure. Yeah, who's I think that would
16:05
be Mr. Patch. Yeah, Mr. Patch, go ahead.
16:07
All right. Are you sure again, you guys
16:10
didn't want to take that one? I don't want you to roll through
16:13
that. It might be a better idea if if
16:19
I I rolled A2. OK.
16:21
So you do have warps. Warps are like your omens.
16:25
I don't warps on my character sheet.
16:29
Where? Which part would that like?
16:31
I have 4:00. I have four.
16:33
OK, yeah, I'm going to use one of those and I'm going to reroll
16:36
that because I don't like the twos.
16:38
There is only one way for that role to get worse.
16:41
Oh, no. Oh.
16:44
No, Rolled A2 then a 10. No.
16:47
Oh, no. Oh.
16:48
No. That's I'm going to use another
16:49
warp for the kid, can I? I'll allow it.
16:52
Go for it. Is it a 0?
16:55
No, it's a six. It's a six, OK.
16:59
OK, it's better than what? All right, so wow as.
17:03
Sorry, just get him out of the way.
17:06
So you stop on the brake thinking that you can kind of
17:10
fishtail it out as you're making a way around the corner.
17:12
But as you hit it, it just Rams the back end of the car into the
17:17
plow, which is going to do D20 plus are.
17:23
You fucking serious? That's.
17:25
What it says? Oh my God.
17:28
That's going to be 19 points to the rear car Lord.
17:32
But it does have D4 armor, so OK, so that plow hits the back
17:38
of your car and it just rips everything off the backside.
17:42
It is open from the turret out. It is on its last wheels back
17:48
there already. And as you guys are making this
17:50
turn, Thomas, go ahead and make a knowledge test, DR12.
17:55
That's a one. No, as you guys are making this
17:58
turn, you feel it's already hot out, it's dusty, but you feel
18:02
that it has gotten at least 100 plus degrees hotter as you're
18:06
passing by this fire pit. The fire pit is an oil fueled
18:10
pit with oil flowing from the mouth of a giant horn skull
18:14
carved into the side of a mountain.
18:16
OK, that's pretty badass. Yeah, I'm going to.
18:18
I'm going to lie about that. Tell you what.
18:20
Thomas, you so focused on trying to make this turn and the heat
18:26
getting you, you don't realize that your vehicle's starting to
18:28
overheat as it's starting to overheat.
18:30
It's starting to it's. Just hot outside.
18:32
It's starting to sputter and you see that you're slowing down and
18:37
both of the vehicles start to get past you guys.
18:40
I want to try and sideswipe one of them as they're going by.
18:43
Before that, I'm going to roll for these two.
18:46
Oof, they both rolled like shit. Good.
18:50
You'll notice that all three vehicles start slowing down and
18:54
you see steam coming out-of-the-box truck and you see
18:57
the pick up to your right is starting to shake with the heat.
19:01
The heat is so intense it is knocked out everybody's ability
19:04
and you guys are basically almost at a crawl getting past
19:08
this. We're we're all racing and
19:10
dying. Yes.
19:12
Good. Cool.
19:13
It's running, even playing. So go ahead and roll initiative
19:16
I'll. I'll do it again.
19:18
Nice little famine, now I. Thought what?
19:21
That is them. So let me roll for these two.
19:24
Damn it. So the box truck starts to pull
19:27
ahead of you guys and you notice that one of the conjoined twins,
19:31
that the one that's in the sidecar is just dumping glass
19:35
bottles and shards of whatever into the sink and he fires a
19:39
bunch of junk at you guys. I'm going to have everybody roll
19:42
an agility. Oh.
19:45
Shit, especially since Gambino's out in the open, OK?
19:49
10. OK.
19:51
I got a 5. Oh goodness.
19:53
So it's going to do D10 damage. It's nine points of damage.
20:00
The front car does have 20 hit points.
20:02
The rear car does have 4. How would you like to divide
20:05
this so that you guys can be alive still like?
20:08
I have one hit point. It's going to hit the vehicle
20:13
first. Oh, it's going to.
20:14
Hit the vehicles. First my vehicle.
20:15
My vehicle has 20 hip. Correct, so it could soak all of
20:20
it and still be OK. And still have deep.
20:23
It does have people armor as well.
20:25
OK. Yeah, I, I will just take the
20:28
brunt of it right now. OK.
20:30
I think it makes sense because you know they're they're
20:32
shooting the the driver. OK, so they launch all this
20:36
stuff at the driver, but go ahead and roll the armor because
20:39
it's got D4 armor as well. So it's that nine damage 2.
20:42
So 7 damage just Peppers the side of your car.
20:46
God damn it, I'm going to kick your asses off.
20:48
Both of them. And as all this junk is bouncing
20:51
off, yours is going over to the pickup on the other side and
20:56
Peppers it as well. Doesn't do any damage.
20:59
The truck with the tank treads starts to pull ahead and starts
21:03
to veer over to side swipe you, but it looks like it's trying to
21:07
run over the front of your vehicle.
21:09
Go ahead and make a defense against that, Thomas.
21:12
Roll big buddy, I'm. Going to use a warp.
21:15
OK. So in the defense, do I add the
21:19
edge to that? Sure.
21:20
OK, that is a 14. OK.
21:23
So as you see it coming over and start driving up the Fender, you
21:28
steer out of the way enough so that it kind of hits the ground,
21:31
rocks a little bit and then he regains control.
21:34
It is your guys's turn. What would you like to do?
21:36
Do I have a clear shot? On anybody.
21:39
Yeah, you've got a big open hole in the back of the car, so you
21:41
can shoot just about anybody. OK, who should I?
21:44
Who's so we're so we're all in like kind of damaged cars.
21:48
Shoot the person that just shot us.
21:50
Well, I can't argue with that logic and I take.
21:54
Aim at the It's the tread, it's the tank treaded truck.
21:57
No, the motorcycle is the one with the head the the junk.
22:00
Oh yeah, I've been looking at you.
22:01
Fucking Jackass is all fucking race.
22:03
I'm here. It comes coming right at you.
22:06
And I am going to lay down some fucking fire on these.
22:10
All righty, go and make an agility.
22:14
That's eight. I'm going to use a warp 1 warp
22:17
left. I'm dumb fucking I don't want
22:20
these fuckers go down. Yes, finally, that's a 12.
22:24
That is a hit. Go ahead and roll your damage 5,
22:28
all right? These guys looked fucked as you
22:31
were firing away. You Riddle the side of the
22:34
sidecar. Take out the wheel on the
22:37
sidecar so it's on its rim. The box truck is still making
22:41
its way, but these guys are not looking very good in the back
22:45
initially. That's right, suck my gas pipe,
22:47
bitches. Amazing Hank is here to stay.
22:50
Initiative. Well, I mean, yeah, because I
22:52
tried. Well.
22:54
Well, like you're like. You shot.
22:56
A shot, some good fire on them. I am here.
23:01
What can I? Yeah.
23:02
What good weapons? Now try to.
23:04
I was going to say if you were to hit the brake you would
23:07
initially slow the vehicle down, but you could also fishtail it
23:11
into the cars randomly if you wanted to as well.
23:15
But you do have the spikes on the tires.
23:17
Well, we do, yeah. So let me see if I'm
23:19
understanding correctly. I I can like pump the brakes to
23:23
get the back car to flail and eventually hit the other people
23:28
in the face. Yes, I can flail to the face.
23:31
You could flail to the face. Hell, OK, you break for
23:35
flailing. All right, so, yeah, Morgan will
23:39
do his best to pump tap. I I, I feel like if I was
23:44
actually in in this situation, it would come naturally to me.
23:46
Of course, of course, you know, it's fear of the mind and all
23:50
and go. Ahead and make a straight check.
23:53
OK, that hurt me. Time out.
23:58
You bad little dice. I'm going to use a warp.
24:01
OK, because this is. The last one warp left.
24:03
Oh, you have one warp left out of four.
24:06
That's a 10 that that is 9 better than the previous.
24:08
Rule. Ouch.
24:09
OK, so you you tap on the brake and it starts to fishtail just a
24:13
little bit, but not enough to get to any of the vehicles on
24:16
either side of you. OK, I did my best.
24:19
Well. That's OK, This is all that you
24:23
can do in this situation and I don't hate you for it.
24:27
But I hate myself. Don't worry, I do.
24:30
You are. Not helping you're Jackass.
24:33
No, I'm not. All I can do is I'm.
24:36
Not you, not. You I, I will try to side swipe
24:41
into the truck and if the way I'm understanding the map where
24:44
we're at right now, can I try to side swipe them to try and push
24:48
them closer to that lava Ridge? In the fire pit.
24:51
Yes, that fire pit. The box truck, yes.
24:53
Yeah, send that fat fucker to fucking hell.
24:56
Right. OK, go for it.
24:57
Is that going to be strength or agility?
24:59
That's going to be agility. OK, +2 so 18.
25:04
All right. That is a solid hit.
25:07
So that's going to be a side swipe.
25:08
So it's going to be D6 damage yes five and then D6 armor on
25:13
the box check one all right so you go to sideswipe into the box
25:20
truck. It pushes it into the wall and
25:24
we're. Going to get you cut you greasy
25:26
fuck. And you're pushing it into the
25:28
the open spot where like the lava looks like it's going into
25:31
the road, correct? That's because that's roughly
25:33
about where you are. Let me roll an agility Oh,
25:38
that's that's a critical fail. So as they brace for impact as
25:43
you sideswipe them, he ends up losing control and the box truck
25:48
ends up recovering, but the motorcycle behind it gets pulled
25:52
through the lava. So now the motorcycle in the
25:56
back is fully engulfed in flames.
25:57
Yes, well. Actually, that's pretty badass,
26:00
yeah. It's a rough day.
26:02
Rough day for them. I guess it's initiative.
26:04
Now and you guys want to want to roll initiative.
26:07
You're doing a pretty good job at it all.
26:08
Right, here we go. I don't want to roll anything.
26:13
I'm too scared I can roll. Guys.
26:15
Fuck, that's fun. No, those are the numbers I
26:18
roll. I.
26:19
Don't know, Adam. I don't know.
26:22
I wish I knew. All right, so it is their turn.
26:26
So you can tell that the heat is getting to both the box truck
26:30
and the pickup, especially for the boxer and some motorcycles
26:33
on fire. And as they start to accelerate,
26:37
they're shooting steam out of the engine compartments and
26:41
they're not accelerating as fast.
26:43
So they're they're still kind of pacing with you guys, but barely
26:47
ahead of you. They're more focused on trying
26:49
to get ahead now so that they can get past this area.
26:53
OK, so they're like kind of like, fuck it, we got to, we got
26:56
at least we got to get past these guys.
26:57
Exactly. Yeah, yeah.
26:59
So the. Panic of just trying to get past
27:01
turn. 1. Exactly.
27:02
So now it's your guys turn. Oh fuck.
27:04
Yeah, OK. I'm just going to.
27:06
I'm just going. To shoot, I'm just going to
27:08
fucking lay into the box truck. All righty.
27:11
Fuck these guys. Go ahead and make an agility.
27:14
That's a fucking 16. Oh, that is a very solid hit.
27:18
Go ahead and roll AD 10 for Demage.
27:21
Give me fucking lives. The amazing Hank is out for
27:25
blood. I'm using a warp that was a one
27:30
my last warp. Fuck it.
27:32
How many ones have we collectively rolled tonight?
27:35
At least three. I've at least rolled 3.
27:38
OK, so that's 4. 2. They rolled 2.
27:42
All right. And he's got D6 armor.
27:46
OK, so as you're firing off into this box strike, they just sort
27:50
of ricochet off the side of it and don't seem to do much damage
27:54
to it. God damn it, you sons of bitches
27:57
got what you got. Something smart to say, Axel.
27:59
No. And I'm going to just start like
28:02
again, side swiping into this box fan next to us again.
28:05
OK agility test. This episode is going to be
28:08
great. Three 7 + 2, so that's a nine.
28:11
OK, so you go to side, swipe into it, it's solid and you
28:15
might as well be hitting the wall and you kind of speed
28:18
wobble a little bit, but you regained your composure.
28:21
Can I try to spit on the chunky dude driving?
28:26
I will allow that as a free action.
28:28
All right. I'm just although it's hot and
28:30
dry out so it's probably more like.
28:34
Can you put some book and glass in your mouth and hope to spit
28:36
that at the gun? As you spit on him, he kind of
28:38
wipes it off and then licks it up.
28:39
So. Oh.
28:40
You're a little freak. Miss Pesci.
28:45
Yeah. So I guess I'll try the Swervy
28:49
brake pump, OK? Does.
28:51
Mr. Patchy have access to the net launcher or is that me?
28:55
That's actually in the front. That's on the front.
28:59
Oh yeah, front aimed net launcher. 11. 11 So as you hit
29:04
the brake it starts to fishtail again, but it doesn't seem
29:07
they're far enough to either side and far enough ahead that
29:10
it's not going to actually cause any sort of damage.
29:13
That being said, go ahead and roll a D20, Thomas.
29:18
Let's try a different. It's the two.
29:21
OK, so, so great. The pick up on your right hand
29:26
side starts to pull ahead and they are a full length ahead of
29:30
you. You're still holding true.
29:32
You're right behind them and the box truck is starting to fall
29:35
behind. You guys have actually made it
29:37
past the point where the heat from the lava pits isn't as
29:42
intense, but you get into a spot where this little mountainy area
29:46
is and you see that as you guys under roaring past, debris
29:50
starts to come down from the side of the mountain.
29:52
Oh God damn it, who's throwing crap on us now?
29:55
A. Little bit of Dalton comes out
29:57
and like the flux of personalities at the point is
30:01
it's like I hate this planet so much already.
30:04
You know what? I think Hank is going to try his
30:07
ham radio. He's going to try to contact the
30:10
boxcar, OK? And what I think actually, no,
30:14
not the boxcar. The.
30:16
The pickup, but the. Treads, the pick up with the
30:18
treads and I think Hank's going to try to convince the truck
30:23
with the treads that the boxcar is like their real is his real
30:29
target. OK, go ahead.
30:31
What role did we say with that? Knowledge.
30:33
Knowledge. Go ahead.
30:34
Knowledge, my ham radio OK, and if I fail a role the radio talks
30:38
back to me OK? That's a four.
30:41
Oh, that is a fail. So as you're dialing your ham
30:44
radio, it's starts sparking and glitching and you hear what it,
30:49
I guess what sounds to be like a like an old tiny potato chip
30:53
advertisement commercial. Oh God damn it.
30:56
Not a gown. I I don't I don't know what
30:59
ruffles are in tip. I don't even know what a God
31:01
damn tip is. Get out of my head.
31:04
Can't remember ruffle. No, stop it.
31:08
Go get out, get out. Why the fuck is sour cream at?
31:12
Why would you have cream that is shower?
31:14
Perfect, that's exactly how I saw that happening.
31:18
So yes, go and roll initiative. Cool.
31:22
All right, I'll, I'll, I'll do what I mean, it's I don't fam.
31:26
And now that's a three. That is them.
31:28
So the pickup is starting to pull ahead and they are starting
31:32
to actually gain speed. They enter the area that's like
31:37
the the sun is actually on the other side of this mountain.
31:40
So there's a bit of shade to kind of contradict the heat from
31:44
the fire pit. But as they're roaring through,
31:47
you notice that the side of the mountain starts to shift and it
31:53
appears that a whole level of the rocks starts to slide down
31:58
the mountain. And we'll take a break.
32:12
So you survived, so far at least.
32:15
Welcome to Wasteland Degenerates, the tabletop RPG
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that throws miserable radiated scum into a world that has
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34:59
of the Face. These guys are about ready to
35:02
drive into what appears to be a rockslide.
35:05
We're going to roll for the vehicle ahead of them real
35:07
quick. That is A1.
35:10
So this rock slide just shifts a huge part of the mountain right
35:15
in front of them and they smash head first right into it.
35:20
Axel, you are right behind them. I need you to make an agility
35:23
test to avoid the pickup. That will be with the edge of
35:27
the vehicle a 22. 22 so you skillfully just zip right past
35:35
the pickup. I quickly like threw the broken
35:37
window on the side of my car. I'm just like middle finger as
35:41
I'm. Passing this truck.
35:43
And they just smash right into the rocks.
35:45
You go right past it. The box truck behind you smashes
35:50
right into the back of the pickup truck with the treads, so
35:53
they are both incapacitated. Yeah, I look at the destroyed
35:58
trucks that gave us so much trouble and I just yelled in the
36:01
front. Axel, I want you to listen to
36:04
this. Good, because I'm only going to
36:05
say it once. Good fucking job.
36:09
So as you guys make it around the horn where this mountain is,
36:14
you see as you're coming around the backside of it, a huge sandy
36:19
area and the wind is just whipping all the sand up up
36:23
against the face of the mountain on the other side.
36:26
Harsh winds kick up sand, making driving in this area extremely
36:29
difficult. So as you're driving down here,
36:31
the wind is kicking up all the sand and is basically made a
36:34
sandstorm Axel. Go ahead and make a DR14
36:38
presence tests stay on course. The 17.
36:43
All right, so as you're plowing through this, the sand is
36:48
beating up the side of the vehicle.
36:49
Go ahead and roll me a D6 as well. 4 OK, the sand is getting
36:55
everywhere. It is in the vehicle.
36:57
It is all on you, is in every bit every part as uncomfortable
37:01
as possible, but luckily not in the intake of the vehicle.
37:04
So as you guys go past that, you go into a valley and at this
37:10
point there's nobody behind you. It's pretty smooth sailing until
37:16
you hear in the distance along the northeast Ridge on the map,
37:20
you hear gunfire cracking off. Oh shit, God damn it.
37:24
Never easy, is it? And as you're driving, you see
37:27
bullets just zipping past you. Go ahead and make an agility
37:31
test to avoid the gunfire, Oliver.
37:33
Yes. Why not let everybody roll?
37:36
I'm. Going to go ahead and use a
37:38
warp. OK.
37:39
I got a 15. Wow.
37:43
That would be a 20. One, that would be a three.
37:45
OK. No, actually no.
37:47
I have a -1 so that's a 2. OK, well-being as the rest of
37:50
your crew has saved you, the bullets start whizzing off.
37:54
They ricochet off of the side of the car, but nothing seems to
37:58
stick. Hank starts to.
37:59
Panic and thinks back to what happened with the ham radio.
38:03
Oh God, it's the chimp. The goddamn ruffles are out to
38:05
get me. Oh, the jackasses.
38:08
So as you get past this mountain Ridge, you see what appears to
38:10
be a a straightaway that goes into a small underpass.
38:14
Pretty free sailing. You guys driving by,
38:17
everything's going just fine. No other bullets.
38:20
No more bullets. As you starting to make that
38:22
curve at the lower East End of the map, you see that it is
38:26
covered in oil. It is a thick oil slick along
38:30
this whole curve. Morgan, go ahead and make an
38:33
agility test for breaking so that you can help slow so and
38:38
actually both Morgan and Axel make agility tests.
38:42
Yeah, but I net 20. Oh word, that's a 10.
38:46
OK, so as you're making it through Morgan, you hit the
38:49
brake just in the right spot, you've drift racing along this
38:52
corner and you see the car that has Axel in front of you starts
38:56
to lose control as you're going. Through.
38:59
That's not good. Oh dear.
39:01
But. That means the propulsion might
39:03
be slipping now. What the hell does that mean?
39:05
But with your net 20, you, you know, just the right time to hit
39:08
the brake to kind of even out and straighten out like driving
39:11
on ice, you know, don't hit the brake, hit the gas, steer into
39:14
it. You you, you find a way to even
39:16
it out and you get past this curve and then you see a 20%
39:20
inclined right in front of you powering through.
39:23
Axe will go ahead and make a knowledge test DR10 just to make
39:26
sure that the vehicle isn't overheating.
39:28
I got a 16. OK, you get up there.
39:31
You know that you need the layoff because overdoing is just
39:34
going to. It's going to cause too much
39:35
stress on the engine driving by. You make it past, it's smooth
39:38
sailing. There's nothing going on.
39:40
You're the only people on the road and you get to the finish
39:44
line triumphant. You have won the race.
39:47
You see as you guys pass the finish line you see a bunch of
39:51
tow trucks pulling the boxcar that still has the motorcycle on
39:54
the back on fire. I flip them off as they drive
39:57
by. And you see that another tow
40:00
truck pulling the pickup with the tank treads on it back over.
40:03
And you see that all 656 conjoined.
40:07
Are they two people? There are two people.
40:09
I guess we can get on two people.
40:10
Anyways, all six people, 5 bodies, they're all beat up,
40:13
they're all angry, they're all yelling at each other and pissed
40:16
off. And as you guys get out of the
40:19
vehicle, you see one person just clapping.
40:23
Okay, I want to see more of a crowd.
40:26
I'm a little offended. Don't, don't be offended.
40:28
Wait a minute, something seems off about you 3 And as she says
40:32
this you see her eyes glow just ever so slightly and then dim
40:37
back to her normal eyes. Hank goes over like.
40:41
What you need some violin or something?
40:43
Who are you 3 You're not the people I put in that car Well
40:46
of. Course we are.
40:47
I'm Morgan, of course. This is a little bath.
40:50
Well, I know I'm supposed to be in that damn car.
40:52
I'm the amazing Hank, by the way.
40:55
I have an associate with me. I believe he was in the stands.
40:59
He should be here. He should be coming around one
41:02
of my many conference. Hank.
41:04
Amazing Hank the mighty Hank. Hank, Thank goodness you made it
41:09
through, Hank. There he is.
41:12
Praise be. Yes, it is.
41:16
So we'll walk up to this individual and just kind of like
41:18
stare them in the eye and then spit at their feet.
41:22
Suppose you're some sort of mind reader now.
41:24
No, I just know the people I put in that car and it's not you 3
41:28
Who are you? Where you from?
41:30
From here. What's what's the name of the
41:33
person we're supposed to meet here again?
41:35
It is. Tunguska.
41:38
Yeah, Tunguska. And as you guys are thinking
41:41
about this, the the old memories start flashing back of the three
41:45
of you voluntold that you were going to be in this race by
41:49
Tunguska, the lady that stands before you.
41:51
And we have our little grey bloppy things.
41:53
Yes, you do have the waist. It's they are on your person.
41:57
OK, I go over to Morgan and I try to take their water canteen
42:04
and I'm going to try to sneak a waste it in the canteen and then
42:10
offer it to this person. OK.
42:13
I'll go with it. Yeah, I was in the impression
42:15
work with them on whatever project.
42:17
So we're not trying to get. We're not.
42:21
Trying to do that, they're OK. Yeah, we, we're trying to not
42:25
to. We're going to.
42:26
We're going to. Shelf the Jelly Bean salesman
42:29
routine. Yeah, shelf that.
42:30
I'll side eye it. I'm just.
42:32
Like no ex. And the Jelly Bean a Well then,
42:35
in that case I'm just going. To walk over to this Tunguska
42:39
and I say, well, now that you mention it.
42:43
I'm not. I wasn't originally from here.
42:45
I'll come to a little town called Zalia.
42:49
Have you heard of it? It's really nice.
42:51
You see her eyebrow perks. Up and then she motions for the
42:55
three of you all right come along and she leads you back to
42:58
like the pit row where everybody's got their campers
43:01
everyone's you know the the the sort of race happens often
43:05
enough that they've built a little city around they've got
43:07
you know campers they got a bar she's offers to come with me we
43:11
we need to sit and talk and have some drinks so she takes you
43:14
over to the camper that's basically been retrofitted into
43:17
a bar you see bartender back behind pulls out a gas can jug
43:21
and starts filling up shots for you guys I immediately get
43:25
flashbacks to the. First day.
43:27
Yeah, same. Reaction of like.
43:30
No, this is how we got here in the 1st place.
43:32
I'm just going to have water, I mean.
43:34
Do as you wish and she takes. All four shots.
43:36
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I I did not decline.
43:38
Mine oh if it's a. Back into the shot glass and.
43:42
God. No, straight into my.
43:45
Mouth baby bug me no. No.
43:50
Babies. Mommy, Mommy.
43:52
Oh no. No, not again.
43:56
So. She sits down with you guys,
43:59
brings food and drink, whatever you're guys going to be
44:01
drinking. So how did you guys get here and
44:05
who's that's a complicated? Facts that you is How do you
44:09
know Zalia? Well, let's just say that.
44:13
We've had a meeting with her about certain individuals that
44:18
mean to do this planet harm. Yeah, that's why I'm here.
44:22
All right. And.
44:23
That's why we're here too. You mean to tell?
44:24
Me, they sent you 3 here. To help me bingo manned it mean
44:28
we did just. Drop into whatever the.
44:31
Fuck that was and still managed to come out of it.
44:34
We cleaned house, they hit a rock.
44:37
Slide. You guys got lucky, but yet
44:40
we're still here and so. Were they?
44:42
And you can. See all six.
44:43
Of them beating the shit out of each other in the background.
44:46
Yeah, well, they're not shit. Well, I suppose I should.
44:49
Bring you up to speed. Welcome to Arcadia City.
44:52
I've made good with the gentleman by the name of the Gas
44:55
King. His daughter ran off and we need
44:58
to find her. Not only because I'm putting on
45:02
a face for this, but I have a feeling that his daughter might
45:05
be the malefactor that we're looking.
45:07
I don't know that for sure, but everything seems to point in
45:12
that direction. Question.
45:14
Yes. Now all these.
45:15
Malefactors like are they like different demons?
45:19
Do they have like signs to tell them part you don't rightfully
45:24
know until you get? And almost until it's too late,
45:26
unfortunately. Also, there's no like.
45:29
Like a sign or something and it are like.
45:32
I assume they work like demons, right?
45:33
They don't like silver. They don't.
45:36
Yeah, they've got like game signs, I'm sure.
45:38
They do like, you know, finger wiggle crap.
45:40
Yes, teach us your secret demon handshake.
45:43
Is it like this? Does wiggles fingers?
45:47
It's kind of more like this and I interlock.
45:49
My own fingers and I make like. A wave that can't be a demon
45:52
handshake. You're barely wiggling your
45:55
fingers enough for this man, Yeah.
45:58
Not there. That's it.
45:59
That's the demon. Handshake right there.
46:01
That's gotta be it. Look at that wiggle, Yeah?
46:05
Yeah, demon. Yeah, demon what?
46:09
What sort of? Look, does she give you the
46:10
tissue? She is if you could capsulate.
46:13
We're. Fucked in a look.
46:15
It would be it. That was it.
46:16
She's just completely. Stone faced, just staring at the
46:19
three of you, acting like the stooges that you are.
46:22
Well, look, we're trying. We're trying.
46:24
Here I have reason to believe that the.
46:27
Gaskings daughter is the malefactor we're looking for,
46:30
but she has ran off so the problem fixed itself.
46:33
No, not. Here, no, ran off is probably
46:36
not the. Best thing for it because she's
46:38
probably devising the plan to take over this realm now.
46:41
Is she alone in acting on this? Or.
46:43
Did she did she run off with someone or did she?
46:45
Just run off by herself. Does she have a boyfriend?
46:47
Could this? Be a thing where you know
46:49
they're out in like scenic overlook area in the back of a
46:53
car. Axel's going to side eye the
46:55
other two. This is what Operation Jelly
46:58
Bean is. What is Opera?
47:00
I don't care, Never mind. It's taken me a long time to get
47:03
in good with the Gas King. We heard that the Malefactor had
47:07
was part of that crew. I damn near narrowed it down to
47:10
his daughter and the daughter's gone.
47:12
We need to find the daughter. We need to bring her back so
47:15
that we can find out exactly what the Malefactors plans are
47:18
for all these realms. Great.
47:20
So are we going to talk? To this gas king or.
47:23
We got to track down daughter Bonk.
47:25
Her over the head. Take her back with us so that we
47:29
can Derek. Correct.
47:30
We don't have enough. Information so we can't just go
47:33
kill a kid? I think that would be bad I
47:36
find. It really weird that that's the.
47:38
1st. Thing you think of, but it seems
47:41
like it's fixed a lot of. Problems throwing that out
47:44
there. Well, he's cutting it to the
47:45
quick it's getting. Right to the heart of the
47:47
matter. I like where your head's at.
47:49
But we need, we need more information, more clues as to
47:52
where she might have gone exactly.
47:55
Any last whereabouts? From what I.
47:57
Understand she? Had taken off to the junkyard,
48:00
which is roughly about 100 miles away from where we're at right
48:04
now. Oh, that's the brisk walk.
48:05
Yes, I. Suppose I.
48:07
Suggest you guys get a good night's rest.
48:11
Take care of anything that you have to take care of, especially
48:14
these wounds that you have because with all this dirt and
48:17
around it will get infected. Well, God damn it.
49:03
This episode of Flail the Face features the.
49:05
Games Wasteland DeGeneres by Scott C McDonald and Matthew
49:08
Mislitsky and Hell Spawn by Richard Marker and Lee Iovis
49:12
with Thomas Geno Stummy playing Dalton Walls and Axel Weasel
49:15
dust, Tom Gambino playing Colette Stellarno and the
49:18
amazing Hank, Charles Patchke playing Donnie and Morgan Cyber
49:22
Tanner and Kevin Welch as the game master.
49:24
Season 2 theme music is Void Construct by Alex Grohl, editing
49:28
by Kevin Welch, episode art by Tom Gambino, and video editing
49:31
by Dan Finey. And on behalf of the cast and
49:33
crew of Flay of the Face, we want to thank all the listeners
49:35
for sticking with us. Without you, the season wouldn't
49:38
be a thing. So if you could do us a favor
49:40
and like, subscribe and follow on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
49:43
Blue Sky and YouTube. Yeah, we're on there too.
49:45
And share with all your friends so we can get out there to more
49:47
people. With that being said, thank you
49:49
for listening and we'll catch you guys next time.
50:01
Ladies and gentlemen, Wasteland. Degenerates.
50:03
We are going to be jumping into that now.
50:05
Well, next episode. Nice.
50:18
You're in the. Fucking way use.
50:21
A turn signal you cock smooch out of my way.
50:24
My clown cousins are in here, all 20 of them.
50:31
Which I believe Edge is a. Oh, we're edging, yes.
50:35
We're edging not. Yet to hold it.
50:38
Almost. A little longer.
50:42
Remember. It's November.
50:44
No edge November the whole. Month.
50:50
Already lost month already. Lost.
50:52
Sorry guys. Disappointed me too.
50:57
And. Driving.
50:59
Yes, on the wind. That's it.
51:05
We can't say anymore. We're going to get a copyright.
51:06
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what?
51:07
I'll pay for it. I don't give a fuck.
51:08
I. Love that song.
51:09
You got $1,000,000? I don't actually.
51:14
There's a. Sentient race car and a.
51:16
Sentient pickup truck? No, there's not.
51:19
Because I'm not paying for that either.
51:23
Actively changing. Each other's.
51:25
Fluids. Oh.
51:27
My wow. Show me those lug nuts, baby.
51:31
Yeah. I think we found our other
51:35
shirt. Design.
51:37
Yes, Mommy, please. Mommy.
51:40
Baby bird me. Baby bird me.
51:42
Baby bird, me mommy. OK, OK.
51:51
This is. All.
51:52
Terrible. And to coin a phrase from Nate,
51:54
I hate this. I'm lightheaded.
51:58
Welcome to. Arcadia City, I suppose.
52:01
We can't. Use that either.
52:08
Should we just put? This episode it's.
52:10
Called copyright infringement. Redacted.
52:17
Intellectual. Property question.
52:19
Mark and it's Teguskas. Birthday.
52:22
Happy birthday. Guess who?
52:27
Day. Is the.
52:29
Day. It's your birthday right there.
52:33
We're good.