Latest / The Brain Dump / Raw Dogging Life: Why You're Exhausted and What Your Nervous System Actually Needs | Episode 9

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Raw Dogging Life: Why You're Exhausted and What Your Nervous System Actually Needs | Episode 9 · The Brain Dump

• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Hey y'all, and welcome to the Brain Dump with Sandy Boone.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: This episode is about how you've been raw dogging it and how to stop without overwhelming yourself.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I need to talk about a phrase I've been hearing a lot lately.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it is, honestly, I've just been raw dogging it.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I have heard this everywhere from Facebook groups with therapists to friends to um it's it's just everywhere.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And people are laughing when they say it, but they're not kidding.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And there's like no support, no real tools, no understanding of what's actually going on in their body or their brain, and they're just pushing through.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if I'm being honest, a lot of people are doing this.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: And you've been doing it for so long, you think it's normal.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm hearing this from people who are high functioning, they're responsible, they're showing up, and they're doing what needs to get done.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: But underneath all of that, they're exhausted.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And not because they're weak and not because they're doing something wrong, because they've been trying to manage their lives without the support their system actually needs.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the first thing that comes to mind in this conversation is like, how in the world did we get here?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I tell my clients often, it's like the frog in hot water.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: We start the frog at room temperature and we gradually turn up the heat, and the frog just sits there.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't realize that it's actually starting to boil.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: But before we go any further, like, I think we need to zoom out because this didn't happen by accident, right?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: It was kind of that slippery slope.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: We were never taught how our systems work.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: No one taught us about our nervous system.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't teach us how stress impacts the body, they didn't teach us what regulation feels like.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: We were taught how to perform, particularly my Gen Xers out there.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we were taught to push through, we were taught to be responsible, we were taught to keep going.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so overwhelming effort became our default.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: On top of that, high functioning got rewarded.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you could show up, even when you were struggling, you got praised.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're so strong, you're so reliable.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, you've been running on fumes.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: But because it looked fine, no one questioned it.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And by looking fine, I mean we're checking the boxes, we're getting the things done.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Thirdly, we normalized feeling bad.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that could be an episode for us to go down the path of martyrdom's a thing, and we value that.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Being tired all the time is normal, stressed all the time, normal.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Overwhelmed, it's just a part of life.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Except for a lot of people, it's not a season, it's become their baseline.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And guys, our bodies were never designed to live like this.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Additionally, we've got information without integration.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: We have access to all the information.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: We've got Google, we've got chat, we've got social media.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: We are overloaded with information all the time.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Gut health, trauma, hormones, nervous system.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: We've got the information.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: But knowing what to do is not the same as having the capacity to do it.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: So now we've added pressure, you know what to do, but we didn't add the support.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: So what do we get?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: We get someone who's doing their best, they're holding a lot, and they're trying to make it work with effort alone.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're sitting there thinking, oh, this is me, I don't want your takeaway to be, I need to do better.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want your takeaway to be, oh, this makes sense.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because it does.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: No one taught you how to do this.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: How do you know that this is you?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, here's the tricky part.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's been your normal for such a long time, you don't always recognize it.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: We're not taking breaths to realize the dysfunction that's there.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: The signs that you've been rawdawing it, everything takes effort.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: If your whole day feels like pushing a car uphill, then something's off.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Everything shouldn't be hard when rest doesn't restore you.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: You stop, but your system doesn't.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: This can look like high cortisol.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: This can look like waking up in the morning and not being rested, it can look like taking a few days out of the office and you're still just as burned out as you were before you left, or worse, you take a few days out of the office and you're more burned out than you were before you left.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you rely on willpower for everything, you can do it, but it costs you.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And you might not recognize that cost right now.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: You always feel behind.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Even when you're doing enough, even when you're getting the task done, you still feel like you're just not catching up.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know what better feels like.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Not falling apart is your baseline.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: And you're functioning, but you're not enjoying your life.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: It works on paper, but it doesn't feel good in your body.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you see yourself in that, you're not failing.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: You've just been working harder than you needed to.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about the one thing everyone says, but no one defines support.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: What does support actually look like?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, this answer is going to vary depending on the person.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we can have physiological support, sleep, nutrition, blood sugar regulation, decreased stress load.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: As I mentioned before, you can't outthink a dysregulated body.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Your body is going to do what it needs to do to maintain that homeostasis.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it's going to come with a cost if we're not giving it what it needs.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: You need nervous system support, tools that actually shift your state, breath, movement, grounding, neurofeedback, not just knowing you're stressed, but actually being able to change it.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: What does that look like for your nervous system?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Is that laying in bed all day on a Saturday, not getting dressed?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Is that actually doing a walk when it the weather is perfect and beautiful?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: We need relational support.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: People who can actually hold you, not just be around you, but stay with you.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Not to fix it, but to actually hold the space.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where therapy can be really effective.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: You also need structural support, systems that match your real capacity.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: If your life only works when you're at 100%, it's not supported.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: We've got to have the bandwidth for things to go awry.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I struggle with this one in particular with my schedule.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my clients that have been with me for a long time, they know that I'm always in search of the perfect schedule.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: How much time do I need in between clients?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, how much space should I allow?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, am I seeing three people in the morning and three people in the afternoon?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Am I putting 30 minutes between clients?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Am I um, you know, putting an hour between clients?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: What does that look like?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if I don't have buffers built into my schedule, things are gonna go downhill really quickly.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And really, as I said before, it's the integration of all of these.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Support isn't just one thing, it's layers.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: And again, most people aren't missing effort, they're missing the support.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: We've got the effort thing down pat.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Again, we're raw dog in it.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you get support without the overwhelm?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And here's where people get stuck because they hear all of this and they think, okay, now I have 20 more things to fix.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: I need to figure out how to support myself physiologically.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: I need to figure out how to support myself from a relationship standpoint.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: I've got 20 things to fix.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: What am I going to do?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: No, we're not doing that.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, you're already in this place of overwhelm.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Start with just one area, not all four.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: The body, the nervous system, the relationships, or the structure.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And here it's super important that we get to a space where we're choosing one area and we're choosing one thing that we can actually succeed at, so that we can actually build that self-trust.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things that I recommend that people start with is drinking water.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: That is oh so not sexy, right?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like drinking water, I've got all of these health issues, and you want me to drink water?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's exactly what I want you to do.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because water is so important.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's so important for detox, it's so important so that we feel well.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: None of our systems in our body work without water.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so again, those that tend to raw dog it are like, oh, well, you told me to drink this much water a day.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna start drinking this much water a day starting tomorrow.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Again, where's the sustainability in that?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, if you're not drinking any water at all, let's start with a cup of water in the morning.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, then once we've got that mastered, let's add another cup maybe in the afternoon.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then let's add another cup in the morning, right?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like baby steps.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: We eat elephants one bite at a time.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Make that step, whatever it is, smaller than you think it should be.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like a lot.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: We are already doing so much.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Make it almost too easy back to that one cup of water a day.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: And when you get into that negative self-talk about, I'm never gonna make headway if I'm starting it this slowly, I'd like for you to challenge that and consider that you're actually gonna make further headway because you're building something that's sustainable.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Add before you optimize.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Don't perfect it.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Just introduce the support.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Messy counts.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you've committed to drinking more water and then you have a flight, you know, you're kind of limited with how you get water through TSA.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Then you've got to buy water once you get behind the gate.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, you know, you get there and they only take credit cards and you wanted to use cash, or they only take cash and you only have a card.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, honor the introduction of the support.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Messi totally counts.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Look for relief, not perfection.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: You are not trying to fix your life overnight.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're looking for does this make today feel even 5% easier?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Little micro steps.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Let support replace effort over time.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't to do more, it's to need less force to live your life.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: You're not struggling because you're incapable.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're not out here raw dogging because you're not able to manage it.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: You might be struggling because you've been doing too much on your own for too long.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: You've been trying to do the lifestyle things without the support that you desperately need.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to prove you can do life the hard way.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: What do you get for that?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: A trophy?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Does that really matter?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: You're allowed to be supported.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, it's encouraged that you be supportive.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to overhaul everything to get there.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to stop doing it alone.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're ready to stop white knuckling your way through things, this is exactly the work that I do.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: I help people understand their nervous system, build real capacity, and actually feel different in their day to day life.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to keep raw dogging it.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I'd recommend that you not.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being here.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.