Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 20-MINUTE FRIDAY: So. I'm Injured.

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20-MINUTE FRIDAY: So. I'm Injured. · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, EMILYA Badi here. You are listening to five
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Minute Friday from Hurdle. Today's installment of five Minute Friday
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: will be anything but five minutes. There, I said it.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: I have something to get off my chest. Some of
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: you may have caught me talking about this briefly yesterday
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: on an Instagram live and now I am ready to
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: bring it to the feed. This episode is going to
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: be unedited and pretty raw, so stick with me here.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: I'm dealing with.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: An injury. It could just be a hip strain. I
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: can't believe I'm even saying this word. It could be
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: a hernia. About a week and a half ago, after
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: long run, I ran twenty two twenty three miles and
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: it felt amazing and I was so excited. And after
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: that run, I made myself a belt and I actually
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: went to a concert with some friends and had myself
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: a day and I remember getting home and going to
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: bed and waking up in the morning and feeling so
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: sore in my lower abs, like a level of soreness
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: that it had been so long since I've felt, and
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: also was like a little debilitating at the time. I
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: was laying on my couch that Sunday with no plans
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: of going anywhere or doing anything, and to sit up
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: from lying on the couch watching ted Lasso, I had
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: to like use my arm to assist myself. I even
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: remember throwing this like into an Instagram story, being like
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: this is the weirdest thing. And so that soreness subsided
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: a little bit. But I had this like persistent kind
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: of dull pain in one area, which is like in
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: my abdomen a little to the left of my right
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: hip that wasn't going away. And I noticed as Monday
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: and Tuesday came, I ran a little bit, but it
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: didn't really feel comfortable in that area.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: Wednesday I took off.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Thursday I went to go do a little bit of
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: a pyramid workout on the treadmill, and at times it
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: felt fine, and then at other times I felt like
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I was.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: Maybe making the feeling a little bit worse.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: And my rule for myself is that if I'm working
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: out and the pain becomes beyond like this is uncomfortable
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: because I'm working really hard pain and it feels like
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: it could be doing something bad to my body, then
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: I'd call it right. So I did half of the
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: pyramid workout and I came in and so it's been
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: about a week since it kind of hit me that
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: this wasn't just some soreness.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: So I started to.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Calmly use the tools in my toolbox to figure out the.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Next best steps.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: If you haven't been following along with me for a while,
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: or maybe you're new to the show, some context here
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: is that, as of now still I am running the
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: London Marathon on October third, and I've been training for
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: this for about three months now. So I started using
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: the tools in my toolbox and made some calls and
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: placed some emails and got myself a few appointments, an
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: acupuncturist appointment, appointments with two different physical therapists, and I
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: figured that we would start to try to figure out
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: what was going on with my body.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: As the weekend went on.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Before my first appointment on Monday, it was definitely a
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: little bit defeating because unlike traditional muscle soreness, this wasn't
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: dissipating with time, and it started to definitely spook me
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: as the appointments came on. The first time I cried
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: about this was sitting in acupuncture, and it's kind of
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: like when someone asks you, hey, are you okay? When
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: you know you're not okay, you haven't had to talk
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: about it yet, and you feel finally like the first
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: time you're seen. And I looked at my ocupuncturist, and
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: having kept this kind of bottled up because I was
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: trying to you know, navigated and figure it out and
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: remain calm, I felt as though I could just like
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: totally break down. I sat there and talked to her
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: about all of this, and we went through the needling,
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: and I laid there for a bit on this table.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: And what was really interesting about that appointment in particular
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: was we talked a lot about breath. As I would
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: assume that you know, the whole natural pathic way of medicine,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: this is like a very natural thing for us to
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: talk about in that room. And we talked about breath,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: and I had a realization that, over you know, the
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: last eighteen or so months of the pandemic, that for
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: the most part, every time I was breathing in it
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: felt so shallow, and I felt so scared just to
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: breathe right. So many times over the last couple of
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: years now, when I've been going to take that deep
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: breath or feeling anxious or just feeling like completely overwhelmed.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I would meet that deep breath with this discomfort in
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: deep inside my chest. And I realized in that room
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: that I hadn't taken a deep breath in so long.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: And as I sat there with my acupuncturist, she said
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: to me, to be honest, maybe you also need like a.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: Really good cry.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: And I already said that I was like trying to
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: keep my shit together, you know, going through this and
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: not freaking out or making any.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: Crazy decisions right off the bat.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: And when she walked out of that room and I
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: was just laying on the table like I just started
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: to cry. Then I you know, drifted off to sleep,
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: as one does for a bit when you're just laying
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: there letting the needles do their thing. She came back in.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: She gave me a bottle of pills a bunch of
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: different herbs, and told me to take five of them.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: Twice a day. And I left.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Throughout that day and this is like a classic example
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: of I feel like how the things that we tell
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: ourselves and the conversations that we're having with ourselves really matter.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: But throughout that day takes a deep breath, I really
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: started to think a lot about my breathing and I meditated,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: and I was consciously just taking a lot of deep breaths,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: and to be candidate, it felt like, for the first
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: time in a long time, those deep breaths weren't met
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: with a lot of resistance. This isn't just say that,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: you know, the dull pain I had in my abdomen
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: was necessarily going away. But I did feel like that
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: conversation really unlocked something for me. The next day, I
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: had my first pet appointment at Motive here in New York,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: and this is when I.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Just lost it.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I was sitting on the table describing what I was feeling,
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: and the first person that had said to me, like,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: maybe it's a hernia was actually my dad's girlfriend. We
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: were together over the weekend at a festival uptown on
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Arthur Avenue and she said it, and of course after
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: like that got in my head. You know, a hernia
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: just sounds so scary, right, Mollie my acupunctures. Let me
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: know that people actually go living years and years with
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: hernias and do nothing about them. That's not really my goal.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: But I mentioned to my PT like this hypothesis. We
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: obviously talked about a muscle strain and as he started
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: to like do work on me and we talked about everything,
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I was just so beside myself, and we talked about
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: how I wasn't really ready yet to kind of fill
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: in my community on what was going on with my body.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Not because in any way, shape or form, do I
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: feel like this is me letting anyone down. And I
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: don't feel like an injury is me letting myself down
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: at all. I also don't really feel that if I
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: do have to pull out of running the marathon, that
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: I've let myself down in any way, because this is
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: something that was completely unpredictable. But I think the struggle
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: and where the root of the emotion comes from is
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: really just the opportunity cost. Right in preparing for a
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: marathon and doing all of this training, you make so
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: many sacrifices and so many decisions that are in favor
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: of you on this quest for your own potential. And
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: I recognize that in this journey there have been so
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: many beautiful moments and already so many successes and takeaways
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: that I wouldn't have come to without the marathon training.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I know that a training cycle is so much bigger
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: than race day, and that if you're only paying attention
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: to what happens on race day, then you're missing the
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: point and the beauty of why it is that we run.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: You know, I run to feel confident and invincible and
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: proud and to show myself that I am able to
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: show up in every aspect of my life. And I
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: can make that choice deliberately.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: And so.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: The injury and what's going on with my body is
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: more a tie to the frustration of not being able
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: to express myself in that way.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: I know that I have so much.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Value beyond being a runner and adjusting my training and
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: navigating this injury and getting on, you know, to a bike.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: Biking doesn't seem to aggravate the area.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Neither does like generally, just walking around, although I would
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: be remiss if I didn't say I feel like a dull.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: It doesn't even feel like a pain.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: It just feels like something's off in my abdomen pretty constantly.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: But I know that.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I know that not being able to move in the
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: way that I want doesn't make me any less of
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: a human. But that doesn't mean that it's not a
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: frustrating experience. And so going back to that moment on
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: the table, just feeling so sad about.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: And I think it's normal to like mourn this loss
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: a little bit.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Although again, like I'm not recording this saying I'm one
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: hundred percent out yet. We'll talk about that in a second.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: But you need to let yourself feel those feelings, right
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: And in that moment, I think that was probably the
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: second time, next to my moment with the acupuncturists, that
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: I allowed myself just to feel.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: And it was interesting, you.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Know, having this vulnerable moment in front of my pet
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: who were so like getting to know each other and.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: Feeling that loss and.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Just sad, sad thinking about, you know, the experience that
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: I was hoping to have and you know where I
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: had been in my journey.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: And coming to terms with that.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Right. The thing about this, I'm recording this at sevent
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: ten in the morning on Thursday, September sixteenth. I believe
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: this episode will come out on Friday, September seventeenth. And
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: I woke up at for fifteen to day after going
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: to bed at like eight forty five last night and
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: already getting over six hours of sleep.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: My whoop says, I'm very recovered.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I woke up and I was like researching flights to Italy,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: and I started to think about what I'm gonna do
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: if I can't run the marathon. I don't know if
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: my heart is in it to go to London and
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: not run a marathon. I was planning to go from
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: London to Paris on the train and then fly from
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Paris to Chicago and host a live event there. For
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: details on the live event, you can click over the
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: show notes. I'm still going to be in Chicago, don't worry,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I promise, But in bed at like four forty five
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: in the morning, I'm on Delta and kayak and looking
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: at flights and wondering if I should actually just go
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: to Italy and then Paris or just to Paris or
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: you know, things change right, and I believe what is
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: meant for us, it will happen right. And again, like
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: I'm allowed and we're all allowed to have these moments
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: where we feel upset and we navigate the emotion. You
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: have to feel right, you have to go through the motions.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: You don't have to be so strong all of the
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: damn time. But in a possible pivot of my plans,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: and I plan to make this call next Wednesday because
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking long term, and I know how important it
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: is to prioritize my body and that I want to
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: be able to move for a long damn time, and
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: that pushing myself for this one moment is me losing
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: sight again of the journey and of how far I've come,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: not just in the last three months, but god like
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: in my life, right Like, I didn't work my ass
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: off in college to lose weight and find running and
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: learn to love running and love myself, only to let
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: it all go because I was just being a little
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: bit stubborn and so lying in bed and looking at
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: these flights and thinking about what I could do, I
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: realized that this is just another opportunity, right It's another
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: hurdle that I have the opportunity to conquer and navigate
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: in a way that is me showing myself compassion and
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: having grace for the situation and just doing the very
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: best I can with what I have. I don't have
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: the answer yet of exactly what I'm gonna do, but
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I know that I have to listen to my body,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: and I have to continue to have some grace with
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: myself and that I'm doing the best that I can.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: Here again, I can't reiterate this enough. You have to
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: let yourself feel the things. These hurdles that come our
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: way in life, they give as a chance to remember
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: our own potential, similarly to the way that running does
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: right and running has taught me the importance of resiliency
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: and that I can navigate whatever hurdles come my way.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: I'm laughing here a little bit to myself, because I
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: really thought that i'd cry even more recording this, But
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: at this point I really feel as though being open
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: and honest about what's going on with me is kind
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: of a release. I'm also aware that it doesn't mean
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: that there's there's a lot more emotional moments in the
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: weeks weeks to come, but I'm happy to share this
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: with you, and I'm happy to move forward now in
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: the best way that I know how and continue on
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: my quest to be the best me that I can be.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: I pray, so, I pray so hard that if I
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: have to, you know, withdraw from this race that I'll
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: be able to run London next year. But I don't
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: know the answer to that yet. But I promise to
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: keep you all in the loop and to keep looking
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: for the silver linings and to keep hurdling because that's
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: what I know how to do, and I know how
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: to do it real well. I do want to make
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: sure that I mention here that as of now, I'm
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: still also registered for the New York Marathon, so I
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: know that also if I do pull out from London,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: that I have some even more time to rehab or
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: to navigate what's going on. And I also recognize that
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: if this is just a muscle strain, this could be
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: better by next Wednesday for all that I know. So
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: I'm to keep doing these exercises and keep taking it
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: one day at a time. But thanks for listening, and
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: thanks for coming along with me on my journey always
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: and supporting me in my quest to again.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Just be the best of me that I can be.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Injury can feel like a really lonely thing, and beyond
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: feeling the feelings, I want to encourage anyone that's listening
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: to this, regardless of where you are on your personal journey,
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: to talk to someone about what you're going through. It's
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: easy to get caught up in labels, you know, based
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: on how we identify a mother, a runner, a sister,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: a teacher, a friend, etc. But in identifying that way
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: sometimes it can be easy to lose a part of ourself.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: And I want you to know that you are so
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: much bigger than just one thing, and that you have
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: so much to bring to the table. And if for
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: some reason, at some point a association that you had
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: in your life has to change, maybe you were a
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: wife and now you're no longer. In my case, yes
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: maybe I do identify it as a runner, but I'm
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: not doing it right now. That doesn't make you any
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: less of a person, with any less value.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Period.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: There is again, so much beauty in the struggle, although
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: it might not feel that way in the moment. So
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: don't put yourself on an island.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: Right. It's okay to be vulnerable.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: It's okay that things haven't gone as you'd hoped or
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: as you'd planned, but don't wallow in it.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, we got shit to do. Thanks everyone.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: I will be back on Monday as always with a
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: really exciting episode of the show featuring Gretchen Rubin. In
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: the meantime, another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: There lay in my hair