Latest / ZoukNerds • Learn | Build | Belong / From Anxiety to Flow: Embracing Self-Awareness with Paloma Alves (S05 Ep62)

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From Anxiety to Flow: Embracing Self-Awareness with Paloma Alves (S05 Ep62) · ZoukNerds • Learn | Build | Belong

• 0:00
  But at the beginning, I believe so much in the stories of my
• 0:03
  mind. And it's slowly with my journey
• 0:05
  in dance, I was understanding that I can't change the story.
• 0:10
  So I was able to notice during pandemic that I had social
• 0:14
  exciting. And as many people drink, for
• 0:16
  me, it was a way of like release that social exciting.
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  Yeah. And I'm not saying that I don't
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  like drink. I like drink, but I don't like
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  to need the drink for nothing. You know, I want to be conscious
• 0:27
  about my choices. And drinking can be taking a
• 0:31
  pill to hide the pain for dancing more.
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  And something that I learned is that if I'm already not having a
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  good night, drinking is not going to make it better.
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  Dance is not therapy indeed, but it's highly therapeutical.
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  We cannot separate the person from the dancer and working on.
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  The person is working on the dancer and vice versa.
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  I like to say for good and bad, who you are as a human being is
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  the one that you're going to bring into your dance has no way
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  to hide. Oh, dance make my life so hard.
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  Actually, no, dance just was the tool to show me like, wow,
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  that's part of my life. That's part of my journey.
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  I face this not just and dance, actually I faced this in my
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  life. I would not be who I am if I was
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  not dancing. Has dancing changed your life in
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  ways you never expected? Does dance reveal issues you
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  thought you had hidden in your personal life?
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  We are talking more than just technique here.
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  We're talking confidence, vulnerability and emotional
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  health. Well, let's find out.
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  Hello. Hello everyone, and welcome back
• 1:44
  to Zuknerians. In this episode, we are tackling
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  A vulnerable topic, self-care and mental health in the dance
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  world. We'll discuss the intense
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  pressures of the environment, the connection between our
• 2:01
  emotional state and our dance quality, and the strength takes
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  to pause even when you're expected to continue.
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  And most importantly, we'll share how the challenges we face
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  in dance, like perfectionism or shyness, are mirrored in our
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  daily lives and how we learn to use movement to gross people.
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  So let's go. Hello, hello everyone and
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  welcome back. My name is Alison Sanji and I'm
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  joined once again by our beautiful Co host GI Prada.
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  Hello, GI. Hello, Allison.
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  Hello, everybody. Welcome back.
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  And if you are watching us in the video format, you can
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  already see that we have a very special guest today, our
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  beautiful Queen, Paloma Alvis. Hello, Paloma.
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  So very happy to be here with you guys.
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  Yes, Paloma, welcome back. This is not your first time.
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  I think last time that we were here, we were talking about
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  music and we were talking about different things in the
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  community. And today we're going to take a
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  slight turn into our inside and our mind about dancing, where
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  we're going to be talking about how dance has changed or
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  improved our life in any way. Things that we didn't really
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  expect to get from dancing. And a lot of people, I guess,
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  don't expect to get from dancing.
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  And how we see that nowadays that we've been doing this for
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  such a long time. So let's start with Paloma as
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  our guest today. How has dance influenced,
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  changed, improved or not your life?
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  Oh my God, in so many ways how much time we have.
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  We have as much time as you would like.
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  Wow, yeah, for sure. It didn't start like that, but
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  nowadays I can see how dance helped me to see things in the
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  surface that was not related to dance but actually related to my
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  personal life. So let's start.
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  I was very shy, introverted person.
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  I'm still is, but less shy, let's say like that.
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  But at the beginning, I believe so much in the stories on my
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  mind that I'm in a certain way and it's slowly with my journey
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  in dance, I was understanding that I can change the story or
• 4:47
  by improving dancing, I was improving the way I relate with
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  people. Because we are not just learning
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  to dance, but actually I believe that we are learning to interact
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  with other person in such a vulnerable position that is
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  moving our body together with someone.
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  And in this process of learning a language.
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  Because for me, it's learning dancing to learning a language,
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  how we wanted to communicate, how we want to feel comfortable,
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  because comes with a lot of expectations, right?
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  And I noticed through this how much I was perfectionist, how
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  much I have fear to do mistakes, how much I have fear to not
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  receive validation. And then I was like, oh, dance
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  make my life so hard. Actually, no, dance just was the
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  tool to show me like, wow, that's part of my life, that's
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  part of my journey. I faced this not just in dance,
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  actually I faced this in my life.
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  But maybe sometimes because of the noises in life or because of
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  the stories that we had in our minds, I wasn't able to change
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  that. But because I want to grow and
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  dance, I want to grow in my communication and be more
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  connected with my partner. I was facing like, oh, I can't
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  bring what I'm learning in dance and bringing to my daily life.
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  And the way I improve in my daily life, I also bring to my
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  dance. Like I have been dancing 17
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  years and I'm totally can say like I would not be who I am if
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  I was not dancing. I think that is very relatable
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  to a lot of people, including us here in this room.
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  But I do have a follow up question.
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  Was there any moment where there was a shift on how dance was
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  allowing you to see things in your life, or on how dance
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  actually changed something in your life?
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  I can't see two big shifts for sure.
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  And I think one of them was more related to the way I teach
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  because I started teaching with a dance partner that was more
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  extroverted. We was completely different, but
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  somehow we complement each other.
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  But and then when I start to do my own classes and go in the
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  journey to be more solo worker, I was like, yeah, so let's see,
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  you're going to be believing that story that I'm too shy.
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  It's very hard talking public and all of those things.
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  Or I really honor what I choose. Like yes, I choose to be a
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  teacher. I really want to be a good tool.
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  I want to be the best version of me.
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  They're not just because of my ego, but because I believe that
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  I need to honor someone that come into my class.
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  So I was like, yeah, it's done. I cannot anymore, you know?
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  So I was like, how can I do? And then the first thing was
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  actually to be vulnerable to come into class.
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  And instead of trying to hide that I was nervous, that I was
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  shaking, actually tell them like, hey guys, come on, get
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  closer. I'm a little bit nervous right
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  now, but I really want to have a good experience with you guys.
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  So yes, in my personal life, people really say, oh, it's
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  beautiful that you are vulnerable or it is good to be
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  vulnerable, but it was not clear yet.
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  And then at some point this inside download more clear,
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  like, yeah, let's not pretend, let's be real here.
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  And by being real, I start to feel more comfortable with
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  groups when I'm teaching alone. So I think that one big shift
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  doesn't mean that this completely stops.
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  Sometimes I still feel nervous. Sometimes they still fake.
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  But I have the two nowadays to say, yeah, I can't enter in this
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  experience in the way I am. I don't need to change.
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  You know, I can accept I can be myself right now.
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  I can be this part of me, too, because it has moments in class
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  that totally disappear. And I feel very comfortable, you
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  know, I feel close. I feel welcome in that space.
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  And the other big shift that for me, I will try to be as clear as
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  possible. One of the things about being
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  shy is I notice that if I'm going to talk with a stranger
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  was hard for me to keep the eye contact.
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  And then I also notice that I was reproduce these in my dance.
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  And then was the combination of being very concentrated, Don't
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  miss a thing, trying to understand everything, trying to
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  be perfect, you know, all of those things.
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  And especially during pandemic when I had more silence, more
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  time with myself to figure out all of those aspects that I was
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  like, I was compromising so much communication, connection with
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  the partner because of this aspect, because I was looking
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  too much on the floor because I was too much in my head.
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  And then I realized even in my head, even if I'm have the best
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  intention to be very connected with this person, I really
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  wanted to compromise the connection terms of like, hey,
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  I'm here with you. We are in this step together.
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  And sometimes just maintain the eye contact, smiling and like
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  have these no talking communication.
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  It can help so much it to build up that story that we are
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  creating together. And then I was training for
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  real, like inside of dance outside of life being instead of
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  like, hey, good morning, how are you?
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  And my like, hey, good morning, you know.
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  And then it's beginning the dance, not like embracing the
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  person and looking down, but actually like, yeah, let's be
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  here. You know, I don't know if it was
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  clear, but pretty much. And I receive a lot of
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  feedbacks, like after pandemic, when I start to dance with
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  people that I danced before, they say, like, something
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  changed on your energy, Something changed on you.
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  What happened? And I was like, Oh my gosh, many
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  things happened. I don't think it's just
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  something, I think it's a lot. It's a new person.
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  It's a whole new person that was born.
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  I think we can all agree on that.
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  Actually, I'm going to correct myself on that.
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  I don't think it's a new person that was born, but the person
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  that was there was allowed to live in this world instead of
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  kept on one side on on one box of the professional dancer,
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  teacher, artist or something like that and being like, hey, I
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  am human so. What?
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  So what? Yeah, I.
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  Agree and I remember you have been in this journey for self
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  growth for some time. I remember we had the
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  conversation once years ago in Rio.
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  They went to a friend's apartment and you ask your first
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  questions about several aspects, yes, that she was curious about
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  stuff that I was already doing and with this bolero that day.
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  Bolero's Bolero's Bolero. Tango with this like an
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  amalgamation of all these things.
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  And since then, I think there was before pandemic, of course,
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  we had no idea pandemic was coming, but I think there was a
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  siege of curiosity. There's something perhaps
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  different that I'm not looking into.
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  And then when pandemic hits, then it went deep.
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  Oh my God, so deep. Went deep and had this changes
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  and we do events together now and I think God, we collaborate
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  for my luck and when we do these events together, especially when
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  we go to the retreats, the amount of conversations we have
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  there are deep in human psyche and in behavior in next steps in
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  life. All these things coming out of
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  the dense environment so much, which makes me think what
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  perhaps bring more in the growth area, The dance itself or the
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  dance environment? The environment meaning the
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  teachers, the settings, the events.
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  Sometimes I get a little torn. Sometimes I think it's the dance
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  itself, the aspect of movement, which I think plays a big, big,
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  big role. Ginormous role there is the
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  environment and the people it brings.
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  So the dance attracts all these amazing people and by conversing
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  with them, exchanging with them, we feel so inspired by their
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  stories, by why they are there, what brought them there.
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  That invites us to reflect as well.
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  So what do you think? The dance or the environment?
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  Where would you play? Say that we can have the whole
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  trilogy or like many books, you know, one for suspect and
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  another book for because when you say the word environment,
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  that's the thing. Because I believe we all, when
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  we go inside of the environment, we can face few challenges, you
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  know, because again, we're coming back for something that I
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  believe it's very human being a human that is we want to be
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  accepted and the group and the community.
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  And sometimes we can easily believe in some sorts that I
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  need to behave in a certain way. I needed to dance in a certain
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  way. I need to act, I needed to
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  provide, I needed to so many shoots that come into my mind
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  and wow, this can be very, very, very, very deep.
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  Let's say at some point when I say this, it's totally my
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  perception of the reality and I feels keeps changing.
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  I was traveling like for Unstop for 12 years, 13 years, you
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  know, and then every weekend be in a different place with
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  different people. And it feels like the
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  environment wants you to be in a high energy most of the time,
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  happy, provide entertainment and all of those things.
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  I start to realize that I was not facing truly my challenge
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  about doing those things that I believe that I should.
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  And actually, I use a lot of escapes, you know, sometimes
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  drink to be ready for party, to be like on my full energy.
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  So I was able to notice during pandemic again, that I had
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  social exciting. And as many people drink for me
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  was a way of like release that social exciting, coping with it.
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  Coping with it, Yes, like by studying more, by doing therapy,
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  I was understanding that I was numb many times because of the
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  amount of exciting that I was facing, but I wasn't aware that
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  it was exciting. I just understand that it was
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  oh, I'm tired. Many things, you know, in my
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  mind, but never like, hey, I need probably time alone.
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  I probably need the rest probably need.
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  I wasn't aware of my needs and I was just asking for more from my
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  nervous system. Like, yeah, let's do more.
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  One more party, one more thing. So when I like, hey, I don't
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  want to drink that I'm out anymore.
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  I don't want to force myself to be happy or available right
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  away. I want to take my time when I
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  arrive in an event, probably I needed to go straight to my
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  room, take a nap, I don't know, read a book, meditate, breathe
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  in my own company and then I go and I will go dance and then I
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  go interact with people without forcing.
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  I don't know if answers the question, but for sure was one
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  of the huge aspects that I noticed being that environment
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  for such a long time. And it for me, this is very
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  personal for sure. Some people can do that without
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  drinking, but I just realized that I was because when I
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  started dancing, I wasn't drinking at all.
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  And then at some point I was like, oh, I feel nice when I
• 18:09
  drink one glass of wine and then I feel more extroverted.
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  Things feels more easier and then it's not about just easier.
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  That's what is true. So I would say that that's my
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  commitment nowadays and it's very stronger.
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  It's more clear to me that every time I go inside of the
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  environment, can be for a class or do a demonstration or go to
• 18:35
  social dancing, I really want to be in my integrity.
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  So it's like being a certain kind of environment brought you
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  to do certain things, and then over the years it invited you to
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  look inside and say, why am I doing this thing?
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  Yes. And how can I still be in the
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  environment differently? Yes.
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  Yeah, which is interesting because when I asked the
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  question, I didn't realize that at all.
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  And that reminds us that we all use this tool dance, and we all
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  use this tool in different containers in different kinds of
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  environments, right? And the way that you experience
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  dance and the circumstance of environment varies so much.
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  Because when I thought about the environment, I was meaning more.
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  For example, the classes, the regular classes, just socials,
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  the retreats, all of these environments which bring all
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  these people into our lives that we would not meet otherwise at
• 19:36
  all. The thing is that in the
• 19:39
  environments that you were in back-to-back to back 52 weekends
• 19:43
  a year, you might not have had the time to connect with people.
• 19:48
  No, exactly. And that's the interesting thing
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  because when I asked the question the first place, I was
• 19:55
  thinking of environments in a way that we connect with people
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  in these environments, we get to talk to them, exchange with
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  them. And that for me, sometimes it's
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  what brings the growth a lot is this exchange, this
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  conversation. So if you are experienced the
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  dance in a way that you are on a go, go, go in the sense of work
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  like I have a function, I have like a thing to perform.
• 20:21
  It reduces the amount of time that you have to change with
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  people in a meaningful way. Let's say that's a very fine
• 20:30
  line because I had a, oh, you know, I had moment to connect.
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  Amazing conversations, amazing moments that I was feeling an
• 20:41
  extreme of the happiness and like anyways, but I noticed that
• 20:48
  we go to a Congress and right away in my mind I was like, I
• 20:53
  need to be available. I need to be entertaining.
• 20:58
  So I had those stories on my mind until I get it like, hey,
• 21:03
  how can I really present myself again and the way I am and how I
• 21:08
  am right now, you know, or instead of right away, arrive in
• 21:14
  the social and go dance. Maybe I can talk with the
• 21:16
  student. Maybe I can talk with a friend
• 21:19
  and regulate my nervous system in this environment that I just
• 21:23
  arrived. Imagine teaching the whole day.
• 21:26
  We just want to take shower. But no, I need to go to the
• 21:29
  social. I need and I want to go to the
• 21:32
  social, but I'm tired. So those shoots but and then
• 21:35
  like many things happen. I think that was one of the
• 21:40
  aspects that I noticed by interacting with the
• 21:43
  environment, maybe with a story that it was not completely true,
• 21:49
  but in the moment, that was the level of conscience that I have.
• 21:53
  So I would say that this helped me, this environment helped me
• 21:58
  to see that about me, you know, But what you say the aspect,
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  it's also true. Many in different environments
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  gave me the opportunity to met the huge amount of different
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  people. And I'm very grateful for that
• 22:13
  too, for sure. Yeah, I find that dancing really
• 22:16
  helped me understand and accept how my brain works.
• 22:20
  And then dancing as the environment helped me
• 22:25
  understand, learn, make mistakes and learn again and get better
• 22:30
  with my emotions. So it's almost like the two
• 22:33
  things affected different parts of me.
• 22:36
  The dancing challenges my brain in a way that is like, Oh my
• 22:40
  God, this is so freaking cool. And dance taught me that my
• 22:44
  brain is OK because I grew up being bullied and I grew up with
• 22:48
  lots of school issues and things like that because my brain works
• 22:52
  in such a different way to other people that after a few years of
• 22:57
  teaching and a lot of people giving me feedback, I started
• 23:01
  accepting the way my brain works as a positive instead of as a
• 23:05
  problem. And with my emotions, it was
• 23:09
  more of a journey of like when I became a teacher, I kind of like
• 23:13
  blocked because of the way I was raised when dance become a
• 23:17
  professional. Now this has to be separated
• 23:21
  from my personal life and my personal person.
• 23:24
  So that's how I put it. And then over like 10-11 years I
• 23:28
  did that and then I burned out. So then it taught me to go like,
• 23:32
  no, no, no, don't separate that. And to connect with what you're
• 23:37
  saying. I have another question for you,
• 23:40
  Paloma, because sometimes I see Facebook reminding me of things
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  or Instagram reminding me of things.
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  And I was so disconnected to my emotions, which that means it
• 23:53
  wasn't created as memory that I don't remember myself being in
• 23:57
  certain photos or certain locations.
• 24:01
  So I wonder if that has ever happened to you where you see a
• 24:05
  photo and you're like, oh man, that's right.
• 24:07
  I went to that country or I went to that festival.
• 24:09
  Hang on, what year was it? Because for like 10-11 years I
• 24:13
  was outside of my body. And now that I got back, I'm
• 24:18
  like, who is that person? Was I happy then?
• 24:21
  I don't even know. Oh my gosh, for sure.
• 24:26
  And these remind me what you said.
• 24:29
  Like the Google. Google.
• 24:31
  Yeah, you know. You don't have the time to
• 24:33
  connect with people, The place, the location, the city, the air,
• 24:37
  the water, nothing. What?
• 24:39
  It's a little crazy in a hotel. I mean, I would say that a part
• 24:43
  of us connect in this moment, but not fully us are there.
• 24:48
  I remember that I was teaching a student online and then he told
• 24:54
  me, hey, I met you this year and he sent a video of the class and
• 24:59
  I was like, I didn't remember nothing.
• 25:03
  The place it felt like a completely different person.
• 25:07
  Like I even was watching me talking.
• 25:10
  I was like, it was a such a weird feeling.
• 25:13
  I have one that was somebody said, Oh, my name is.
• 25:16
  Then I was your roommate in this fast so the person slept next to
• 25:21
  me and I couldn't remember. I think that's the extreme of a
• 25:28
  travelling dancer, or maybe even a travelling artist of music,
• 25:32
  theater, of anything, that sometimes you're just on the
• 25:35
  goal. That's.
• 25:37
  It's kind of like your life is up in the air, in the clouds,
• 25:42
  and you're never really landing anywhere.
• 25:45
  You're just kind of hovering every place that you don't fully
• 25:49
  integrate with any place unless you spend two or three weeks
• 25:52
  there. But if you're just going from
• 25:54
  week to week to week to week, you're kind of just flying by.
• 25:58
  That's all we're talking about yesterday, the difference
• 26:01
  between pressing pause and pressing stop.
• 26:04
  Yes, You know, like we're going through live pause and two and
• 26:08
  our live pause and then we go to the event, perform, do the
• 26:11
  thing, go back home, play. Yeah, I know.
• 26:15
  Like I think this reminds me about the word presence that I
• 26:20
  don't remember when this word becomes more alike, but and then
• 26:26
  by having time to realize those things again, I feel very
• 26:30
  repetitive when I say during polemic because it was a huge
• 26:34
  shift for me for sure. This time of pandemic.
• 26:38
  I was not present with people realizing that many times I was
• 26:43
  not present with people, not present with my body, not
• 26:47
  present in the space that I was. Many places that I went go from
• 26:53
  the airport to the hotel to the hotel to the airport, not even
• 26:57
  thinking about like, Hey, maybe I will spend one day more And
• 27:00
  then, you know, met people like go around.
• 27:06
  Those things doesn't come up to my mind in those moments.
• 27:11
  And then I was like bringing more presents to my personal
• 27:16
  life. That means also at my work also
• 27:20
  helped me to bring more presents into my dance.
• 27:23
  For me was a very combinated thing.
• 27:26
  I was starting thinking more about what is means to me be a
• 27:31
  present in in one dance, not just movement wise, but like how
• 27:37
  I'm feeling my body, how I'm feeling my emotions, who I am
• 27:42
  right now, you know, and not just embrace someone.
• 27:45
  Yes, lessness in a go go mode or connecting a little bit with
• 27:51
  what I said before about the environment and the shoots that
• 27:55
  I need to be happy. What is really go to a social
• 27:59
  and not pretend to be happy, but actually like, yeah, I still
• 28:05
  want to dance. I feel tired, but I want to
• 28:07
  dance. I'm not super happy right now,
• 28:10
  but I want to dance with the state that I am, with the
• 28:14
  emotions that I have. Wow, this was a huge shift.
• 28:20
  When is it a time or a place that it's not OK to continue for
• 28:26
  you? So there was this moment where
• 28:29
  you were in Berzooki, USA when we were in DC and you had to
• 28:35
  take a pause, You had to take a moment.
• 28:37
  So I wonder if there's anything that he can share on how you can
• 28:41
  make that decision. Because I find that when we're
• 28:45
  trying to be present all the time and we're trying to be part
• 28:48
  of the community and embrace everything, to me, sometimes I
• 28:54
  find the challenge of thinking, am I being selfish?
• 28:58
  Am I being selfless? Am I avoiding being present?
• 29:03
  Am I not trying hard enough? That's kind of like what comes
• 29:07
  into my mind sometimes. So I would love to hear your
• 29:10
  point on this. I love this question.
• 29:13
  Like nowadays I have tools, you know, to understand when I'm
• 29:19
  disassociating. So in that situation, I was
• 29:23
  dancing with a person and then I start to feel like I'm out of my
• 29:28
  body. So I was dancing and I almost
• 29:32
  like my body was an autopilot, you know, and I changed the way
• 29:36
  everything get shorted. My heart was beating a little
• 29:41
  bit more fast and then points dance or not, someone was
• 29:45
  recording at the moment that I was dancing.
• 29:48
  So it was even worse, you know, because I will experiencing
• 29:53
  that. The person dancing with me was
• 29:55
  smiling, trying to bring me back or trying to react, but I was
• 30:00
  almost in a freezing mode. But my body keeps dancing.
• 30:05
  And then I end the dance and I was like, yeah, I'm here.
• 30:09
  I'm in this environment to dance with people.
• 30:12
  I want to dance with people, but I can't force myself right now
• 30:16
  will be very, let's say, very aggressive to my body, to my
• 30:22
  nervous system and actually how I can give someone else
• 30:28
  something, even a dance if I'm not taking care of myself 1st.
• 30:33
  And that was the moment that I went to the teacher's room and I
• 30:37
  found you. And I think I just want some
• 30:40
  anchor, you know, and I say like, Hey, I need the pause.
• 30:44
  I probably was kind of saying to myself, you know, not because
• 30:48
  you were the organized off the event that I like.
• 30:51
  Let me breathe here. And then you gave me a hug and I
• 30:54
  was like, slowly doing my exercise of breathing.
• 30:59
  And then that. Nowadays, I'm so grateful that I
• 31:03
  have this mentality to like, yeah, if I really want to give
• 31:08
  something, that's my responsibility 1st to take care
• 31:12
  of my needs. And in that moment, I need this
• 31:14
  pause, this breathing Before I don't have this mentality.
• 31:19
  I don't have this mindset. I will probably drink and like
• 31:24
  force to dance, you know I. Was about to say that that
• 31:29
  sounded like a perfect time to go and grab a drink.
• 31:32
  Right in the old way of thinking, it's very much like,
• 31:36
  OK, I'm not feeling good, let's drink more.
• 31:38
  Yes, yeah, yeah. That was the Band-Aid.
• 31:41
  And I'm not saying that I don't like drink.
• 31:42
  I like drink, but I don't like to need the drink for nothing,
• 31:47
  you know, like I want to be conscious about my choices.
• 31:52
  And drinking can be taking a pill to hide the pain for
• 31:57
  dancing more. It can be so many other things,
• 32:00
  you know, to escape. And I think it can affect your
• 32:05
  nervous system in a ways that you don't imagine by forcing,
• 32:10
  you know what I mean? So even if you want to do more
• 32:14
  and to give more to the community, to be present, to
• 32:18
  dance with people. So take care more, nourishing
• 32:22
  yourself more. That's my advice for myself and
• 32:26
  for others. And something that I learned
• 32:29
  through the drinking is that if I'm already not having a good
• 32:33
  night, drinking is not going to make it better.
• 32:36
  And I'm going to be very vulnerable here.
• 32:39
  That's when I actually drink too much because I'm already not
• 32:43
  having a good night. And then I drink to get better,
• 32:45
  but it doesn't get better. So I drink more to get better.
• 32:48
  It doesn't get better. And then you get to a point that
• 32:51
  you'd get drunk and you, you just, it's not good.
• 32:55
  It's not good for me. It's not good for everyone who
• 32:57
  is there. It's a whole bad experience that
• 33:00
  gives me like 7 days of anxiety over the next seven days.
• 33:04
  So there's moments that I'm already not feeling good and I
• 33:07
  tell people now, people who I hang out with, who I drink with,
• 33:12
  normally I say no tonight I'm not drinking, but why not?
• 33:15
  I'm like, no, tonight, it's dangerous.
• 33:18
  If I drink, it's not going to go down well because it's already
• 33:21
  going to start bad. So my advice for everybody out
• 33:24
  there who is currently using alcohol as a Band-Aid, be
• 33:29
  careful because it can actually create a much bigger wound that
• 33:34
  you started with. Yeah, I think the thing we talk
• 33:39
  a lot about Trinamine and because we both sort of dance
• 33:42
  was the catalyst. This was the thing that brought
• 33:45
  us to do all these other things, which I think is a big aspect of
• 33:49
  self growth, sparking curiosity and realizing that a lot that we
• 33:55
  did that brings us to grow spiritually as a person comes
• 33:59
  back to the body, comes back to movement, comes back to looking
• 34:03
  through your body, appreciating your movements, understanding
• 34:06
  subtleties and all of these things.
• 34:08
  And dancing ends up or ended up becoming almost like a mirror.
• 34:15
  It's a mirror that we look and you see the issues, you see the
• 34:20
  good things, you see all these things.
• 34:23
  And you were presented with a choice like what we're going to
• 34:27
  do about it. And I think with the drinking is
• 34:30
  the thing, I'm going to not look at it.
• 34:33
  I. Don't want to, I don't.
• 34:35
  Want to look at it. I don't want to leave it behind,
• 34:37
  you know. So I think that this presents an
• 34:40
  opportunity for us to look into aspects of our lives that we
• 34:46
  would otherwise perhaps not realize or would realize, but
• 34:50
  perhaps not have the tool. And I think it all happens
• 34:53
  because of the movements, because of moving our bodies,
• 34:56
  because of letting the energy flow in our bodies.
• 35:01
  You know, I remember a couple years ago, I think we all
• 35:04
  remember that that people really upset that people was using
• 35:08
  dances. Therapy, my God, dance is not
• 35:11
  therapy. Remember these things, you
• 35:13
  remember these things. This is not therapy, you know,
• 35:17
  go your therapies for therapy. And I remember my therapist that
• 35:21
  I met dancing, I met my therapist and I met Roshi's
• 35:24
  studio. I was a both sister, she was a
• 35:27
  student. And when I learned that she was
• 35:29
  a therapist, I was like, can you please help me?
• 35:32
  And then she said something. Dance is not therapy indeed, but
• 35:36
  it's highly therapeutical. So she says that I'm a therapist
• 35:41
  that's going to dance because of his therapeutical powers.
• 35:46
  Amen. Amen, because again, it comes
• 35:50
  down to movement. Movement and connection.
• 35:54
  So two of the most important needs of a human being connected
• 35:59
  people physically and move their bodies, you know, so I think in
• 36:04
  doing these things we realize there are things that are making
• 36:09
  this experience harder. There are things that are making
• 36:12
  this experience easier. So I think the self growth
• 36:14
  comes. I mean, one of the ways that the
• 36:17
  self growth comes is when we look at those things that make
• 36:21
  it harder and make a decision to make it better.
• 36:25
  Oh yeah. You know what I mean?
• 36:26
  I know I would say that let's say you want to be blind and
• 36:32
  keep repeating the buttons or you want to awake exactly.
• 36:36
  And so I think the challenge is really when you decided like,
• 36:39
  OK, let me face this. Yeah, because what we face
• 36:43
  sometimes is like stubbornness or this very powerful force of
• 36:48
  feeling sorry for yourself, something that my therapist also
• 36:51
  says. She says, you hear me, the most
• 36:55
  powerful force in the universe is feeling sorry for yourself.
• 36:59
  It is so powerful. So powerful.
• 37:01
  And this thing I'm snapping out of it, it requires such a
• 37:05
  strength sometimes that I think dance and movement can be a way
• 37:12
  out of it. Could be not a way out of it
• 37:14
  completely, but it's a path out of the downward spool that that
• 37:20
  creates that we just want to be in bed in the couch, you know,
• 37:24
  wrapped. You're like, oh, I don't know.
• 37:27
  Nobody likes me, you know. Laughing with whisper.
• 37:30
  Yes, yeah. But that's, I think, one of the
• 37:34
  awful things that dance brings and the environment brings in
• 37:38
  the sense of the people we meet that are able to help us, like
• 37:42
  we did this exercise in class to ask people to share with each
• 37:47
  other what is it that they celebrate that dance brought to
• 37:50
  them. I love this one.
• 37:51
  Super beautiful exercise people. The answers that you hear are so
• 37:55
  inspiring and I did that in Class 2 days ago and I got the
• 37:59
  most beautiful message from one of the students he thanked for
• 38:03
  the exercise. I'm getting goosebumps to
• 38:06
  remember because he was going through a tough time in his life
• 38:11
  and there was first time in a long time that he felt people
• 38:15
  were seeing them. They were seeing him, you know,
• 38:19
  like, oh, I'm being seen right now.
• 38:20
  And There for him was highly liberating.
• 38:23
  So us as facilitators, we have absolutely no idea what's going
• 38:27
  on in the lives of each person that is there, but we do have
• 38:34
  this ability to bring some light we in form of movement or in
• 38:38
  form of a conversation. We can, but I think for you have
• 38:44
  the sensitivity to bring this into your class, it's because
• 38:49
  you did a lot of work. And I think this is one of the
• 38:54
  things that also helped me to grow.
• 38:57
  And I believe we all that is when I say we, it's too big.
• 39:02
  But like, I would say we right now, it's very hard to say, but
• 39:06
  it's like, yeah, I don't want to go to a group of people and just
• 39:10
  throw things on them without seeing them, you know, or
• 39:14
  without understanding that. I want to help them to look at
• 39:22
  themselves in a more kind way and not like, oh, I'm not able
• 39:27
  to do that. And comparing themselves and
• 39:30
  suffering, you know, because I know that they are not suffering
• 39:34
  because of the dance, but the way they are relating, the way
• 39:38
  they are capable in this moment to relate with the dance, with
• 39:41
  the challenge that the dance can present, you know?
• 39:45
  I think the growth for us teachers is accepting that it's
• 39:49
  OK to do something like this. It's fine that we stop a little
• 39:54
  bit to talk about movements, talk about a pattern to talk
• 39:56
  about and let's talk about the human being right here because
• 40:02
  and like we know too, we cannot separate the person from the
• 40:06
  dancer. We cannot separate the person
• 40:08
  from the dancer and working on the person is working on the
• 40:12
  dancer and vice versa. So it's.
• 40:16
  Actually not a separation. It's the same thing as a unity.
• 40:18
  It's not a duality, it's a unity.
• 40:19
  It's no separation. I like to say for good and bad
• 40:22
  sort to interrupt, but it's like who you are as a human being is
• 40:27
  the one that you're going to bring into your dance has no way
• 40:31
  to hide but. Yeah, it's pretty much that.
• 40:34
  So I think as as facilitators in this aspect of self growth,
• 40:38
  understanding that they are the same thing so important for us
• 40:43
  and allowing yourself to give space for that and maybe facing
• 40:48
  sometimes some people saying, why are we doing this?
• 40:51
  Again, why, why? How is that helping me with my
• 40:54
  days? And then we say, like our
• 40:58
  parents and our grandparents used to say, one day, you
• 41:01
  understand. There you see.
• 41:06
  One thing that I noticed is especially in private classes,
• 41:10
  when someone come in a state that they are like facing a
• 41:15
  challenge with their dance is normally correlated of something
• 41:19
  they are already facing a challenge in their personal
• 41:21
  life. So the pressure, the comparison
• 41:25
  that already exists there is just reflecting in their dance
• 41:30
  journey, you know? And then I will be there fixing
• 41:34
  and fixing a movement, you know, and not give any space like,
• 41:38
  hey, how are you feeling? How are you, you know?
• 41:41
  Oh, I got one last example to go about this which I think is very
• 41:45
  clear. Some time ago, a friend, which I
• 41:48
  know is dance, he was dancing and I was looking at his dance.
• 41:53
  And then I was like, what is happening was more rough, you
• 41:56
  know, and the followers like, I don't know what's happening to
• 41:58
  him, something's off. And just observing his dance.
• 42:02
  And then I go to his house and his house was a mess, was a
• 42:07
  mess, was a lot of mail on the table, a lot of bills, do all
• 42:12
  these things. And I was there with other
• 42:14
  friends, and he went to work and I said, let's put this house
• 42:20
  together. And then we started cleaning his
• 42:22
  house, cleaning the house, organizing the things,
• 42:25
  organizing the kitchen, blah, blah.
• 42:26
  When he came back, he just entered the house and started
• 42:31
  crying right away. Yeah.
• 42:33
  Because he didn't realize the mess that it was.
• 42:37
  And the mess of life was affecting how he was going about
• 42:43
  his house, and it was affecting his death as well.
• 42:47
  So he was like, that was the time that I saw very clearly how
• 42:51
  connected everything was up to that point.
• 42:55
  I didn't actually realized it, I was just going and understanding
• 42:59
  and noticing these things. But that point was a turning
• 43:02
  point to me when I saw how much everything is connecting.
• 43:06
  There is not a duality, but everything is a unit.
• 43:08
  Yes, for sure. Yeah, that's something that we
• 43:11
  talk here a lot on our conversations on how sometimes
• 43:16
  they're working with a student to become more confident or to
• 43:21
  show more of this or that. But it's very hard to just do
• 43:25
  that technically because that's what they sometimes ask.
• 43:29
  Or what technique, what should I train to be more confident in my
• 43:34
  dancing? And then we're like, well, have
• 43:37
  a sit. It's.
• 43:38
  A combination of the IT does a recipe.
• 43:43
  Look, your technique is actually going to be improved when you
• 43:47
  improve your personal side because you already have it or
• 43:53
  whatever you want to mention about dance, your connection,
• 43:55
  your musicality or anything. For me, my experience and I
• 44:00
  believe for you guys as well, was that either dance made me
• 44:04
  work on my personal side or my personal side reflected on my
• 44:08
  dancing. And it's always that loop,
• 44:10
  always that loop. And I completely agree.
• 44:14
  I can talk for myself that this conversation has been so
• 44:20
  enlightening and multiple times I'm just like realizing so many
• 44:25
  things that I wanted to say, but I'm like, no, this is not a
• 44:30
  therapy session for myself because just want to fix things.
• 44:35
  I'm like, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
• 44:36
  This is not a therapy session. I listen, just keep it in, keep
• 44:40
  it in, keep it in because yes, so enlightening.
• 44:43
  So thank you, Paloma. Thank you for opening the space
• 44:47
  to share and to be open and to be human.
• 44:49
  And hopefully for everybody listening or watching, you felt
• 44:53
  that you were in the room with us and that connection with this
• 44:58
  because honestly, we are teachers, but we're humans
• 45:03
  first. You know, like you may see the
• 45:07
  demos and the Instagram and everything like that, but if
• 45:09
  you've been here with us for a while or if you've seen and
• 45:14
  talked to Paloma as she travels around the world, you know that
• 45:19
  there is no separation here. As much as we try sometimes as
• 45:24
  teachers, we're there. We are big personalities, but
• 45:27
  the human is always here and they're always open to share and
• 45:32
  to feel. So thank you once again, Paloma.
• 45:35
  For being here. Oh, I love it so much guys.
• 45:38
  Thank you. See.
• 45:39
  Wake up early. Yeah, we are a little grumpy in
• 45:42
  the beginning, but then she wants to coach here for another
• 45:46
  two hours. Well, we will continue, but
• 45:50
  that's on another day and a little surprise for you guys.
• 45:53
  And thank you once again, guy, for being here and also for
• 45:57
  organizing this time and carrying Paloma to the house and
• 46:01
  going like, Nope, you're going to do this at 7:00 in the
• 46:03
  morning, Let's go early. Put that makeup on.
• 46:06
  So thank you once again and see you guys on the next episode
• 46:10
  when Paloma and Guy and the whole gang will be back.
• 46:14
  So bitches, bitches.