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Solo Cast on Transforming Shame into Shared Wisdom · Learnings and Missteps by Depth Builder

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about the three things you need to be aware of when you are on the path of becoming the promise you are intended to be.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Yes, this is me, jesse.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Got another solo cast coming for you.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: The top three things that I'm going to talk about here the next few minutes is the progression of what that felt like for me, and the reason I want to talk about that is so that, like you're aware of it, you know what to expect.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Or if you're in it now and it feels funky and weird and uncomfortable, that's okay, that's not you, we all go through that.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: The other one is awakenings the awakenings that are going to happen, and again, how they feel and even how you could help somebody if you've already been past that.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: And then the last one is I'm going to call it data pools, like, as in pools of data, the spaces where we can get immense knowledge and value to share and contribute into other people's lives.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: So let's start with the progression, again, of what it would feel like when you're on the path of becoming the promise you're intended to be.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: So for me, that progression early, early on, when I was a youngling, I mostly existed in like a victim state of mind.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: So I wasn't even on the path.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: That's just kind of where I I started.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: And when I say a victim state of mind, I believed like I really honestly believed that people were against me, that I just had really bad luck, that I wasn't getting a break, that things were unfair because everybody else was having this glorious life and mine was a pain in the butt.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: And, and when I'm in that state, nothing changes for me.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Actually, things continually get worse and deteriorate.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: No matter what familial relationship, romantic relationship, professional relationship, they all got sour and guess what?
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: It was everybody else's fault.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: And when it's everybody else's fault, there's nothing I can do about it.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: And then I finally had, you know, a few life slapped me in the face a few times.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: And then I was taught like take ownership.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean like I struggled with that a lot, because I'm like what do you mean?
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Take ownership of that person that violated me?
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: How is that my fault?
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: It's not a matter of fault.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: It's a matter of ownership, meaning I need to own my contribution to the thing, because I have contributed to every success and every failure I have ever experienced, and so what I had to take ownership for was my contribution to the situation and, more importantly, if I indeed was violated by somebody because I have been and I'm sure I will be in the future the thing I need to take ownership for is the way I react or respond to the violation, because I can either make it worse or I can leave it where it's at and start working to make it better, depending on how I respond or react, and so that's what I need to take ownership of.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: And so once I got started getting a little more wind under my wings and taking ownership for the stuff, that victim stuff was gone and I started seeing some daylight right.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I started seeing some opportunity where I could, like, help people or I could do good things right, like not do bad things anymore.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Now I could do good things.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: And what was interesting at that point is when I was doing these things, they came from an energy or a state of mind of debt.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: They came from an energy or a state of mind of debt because I did a lot of shameful, selfish, wicked, devious things, like you know, if you know, you know I've done a bunch of those things and a lot of the things I never got caught for people don't know about, or only a few people know, and they're a secret, right, and so I have this.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: I had this guilt that was my source of fuel, which, at the time, it's what I needed, right, like that's just where I was.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: And so the thing was, though, is because I was operating from a this kind of negative, this kind of negative energy, doing things as if I was paying off a debt, the impact was not as rich as it could have been, it wasn't as penetrating as it could have been, and I think it's because I was coming from the space of, like man, I've had so many opportunities.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: I got lucky, I didn't get locked up, I didn't get shot, whatever, whatever those things were I owe, and I think that energy, it, had some limiting things, but here's the thing, like, if you're there, it's okay, because you can progress, and that's the whole point.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: And so, once I got out of this guilt, like the once the source of energy was no longer guilt, it kind of became this mission of redemption, right, because now I started embracing my gifts and talents and like owning them and saying, yes, I can do this.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: I can affect people in a positive manner, I can serve others because of this special skill set or special ability I have and when I say special, I don't mean like shooting webs out my wrist, I'm talking about like.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: For me, my ability is to communicate and to listen and to ask courageous questions.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: That's what I mean by special.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: We all have some special skill and talent, and so I started sharing it, and it wasn't so much coming from guilt anymore, but it was coming now from a perspective of like.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I need to redeem myself, which meant I viewed myself as less than and I had to do something.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: I had to make up for things to be accepted, which is kind of close to being fueled off of guilt, but it's a little level higher.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: That's how it felt for me.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: So operating from a perspective of redemption was good, right.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: And if you rode dirty like I rode, there are some, there's some payback right, there's a bill that I need to pay for a lot of the things that I did and the opportunities that I was still gifted.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I thought that was like the cap.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: It was amazing.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: New opportunities started presenting themselves.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I started growing professionally and personally, and so I'm like okay, this is good, I could stay here forever.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: And then, not too long ago, there was another shift and I hope there's more levels, because right now I'm in this fourth level.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: But the next shift was going from a mindset or perspective of redemption to a mindset or perspective of contribution, and the difference for me is I'm no longer trying to get something back or patch a hole or polish off some scratches.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: I'm this is what you're going to get, baby, and I love it, and you don't have to, and that's okay.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: So I've got skills, I have intelligence, I have experience, I have a whole bunch of things that I've acquired along my life, as do you, and I can contribute that knowledge, that experience, that insight in service to others.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Right Like I can pour into people, I can speak into their life and help them on their path.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Slight difference, but like, the landscape of what's possible for me now, operating from this space or perspective of contribution, is gigantic.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: It's like the whole universe is open to me.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: It's just a matter of which direction I want to go, not can I go, not what's it going to take to go.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: It's a matter of where do I want to go, and that comes from this energy of contribution.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: So, again, the reason I want to talk about these different levels is because you may be in one of those levels, and I just want to be ultra, ultra clear.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: You're not alone.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: It's not because you may be in one of those levels, and I just want to be ultra, ultra clear.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: You're not alone.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: It's not because you're defected, it's not because you're less than You're on a path and there are steps ahead of you so you can get there, and other people have been there so you can get help, which is something that I didn't do early on, and I know for sure, had I done it, I would have accelerated and grown past each level way faster.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: So if you're there and you haven't sought help, get help.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Talk to somebody, share your thoughts, tell them what you're scared of, tell them what you're worried about, tell them how you're feeling.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: It will help you progress way, way, way, way faster.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: The second thing of the three is the awakenings.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: You know, my friend, miss Cindy, shared a little video clip with me about what the awakenings feel like, and when you're on the path to becoming the promise you're intended to be, it's very easy to believe that that path is going to be rainbows and gumdrops, and though there are some really beautiful, precious, inspiring moments on the path, most of the moments are like tripping, falling in mud, getting ready to take a bite out of your ice cream and dropping the damn cone out of your hand like just not fun stuff, and so what you can expect what I experienced was, as I was discovering that a lot of the conflict and arguments that I was experienced with people around me, my family, et cetera, was because of the way I showed up.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: That didn't feel good, right, like they weren't mean people.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: I made them mean.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: My behavior, my minimizing, my dismissive, my ignoring, caused them to be less than nice with me, caused them to be less than nice with me.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: And so when I had that awakening, it's like, oh my God, like I am responsible for this, this is my fault.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I have been blaming them the whole time.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I have been angry with them, holding resentment against them, and I was the cause of the damn problem.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Them and I was the cause of the damn problem.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: That is not a rainbow and gumdrop awakening and it's easy to get stuck there and betray ourselves by bashing ourselves and beating ourselves over the head and regretting and just really kicking ourselves around.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm pretty sure you might know somebody that's an expert at that.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I'm one of them.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: There's probably more and maybe you're one of them, and so what I want you to take away from this point on awakenings is when you're on the path of personal growth and self-development, not every awakening is fun and smooth and easy.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Some of them suck bad and that's okay.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Again, it's not a you thing, it's not because you're less than it's because that's what it is, that's what it feels like, and so when you're going through that, give yourself some grace, like, give yourself a lot of grace, be patient with yourself, be accepting of yourself for realizing that you've done like not some great stuff and know that guess what, now you don't have to do them anymore.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Because the truth is a lot of that dysfunctional or maladjusted behavior that I had was just the result of my response to the conditions I was in my upbringing.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: You know all the funkiness that we all live through.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: I learned how to cope and I was just trying to get through.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: And when you're going down having all these awakenings, it's because you're learning right, we're growing, we're intentionally focused on developing our skills, developing self-awareness, and that's the hard part.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: When I become aware of how I contribute to all the things, there's some ownership that comes with that right, it doesn't always feel good.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: So if it hurts and makes you feel a little sad and angry with yourself and you feel like, damn, now I know I disappointed them.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: I'm the reason that that person is terrified, because anytime they brought something to me I'd bite their damn head off.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: It doesn't feel good, you know.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: You can I give you a little bit of space.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: You get five or 10 minutes to feel bad about yourself and then get over it.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: And here's why which takes us to the third point the data pools.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Like you can dwell, or rather I, when I was going through my awakenings, I would dwell in all of the disappointment that I gave to people, not them disappointing me, me disappointing them disappointing them.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I dwelled in all the hope that I saw fall out of their eyes when I did some of the really crummy things that I did.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I know how many times I lied to people that trusted me with really, really intimate special things and me dwelling in that led to a lot of my alcohol abuse and numbing all the things I put in my body to numb and not deal with it.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: So dwelling there, there's no value in that.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: Now, on the other side of the coin, all of that stuff that I did can be valuable, and I think for me this is the super, like the magical thing that kind of breaks the doors wide open in terms of the idea of contribution and being on the path, is because I know what it is to be dark and self-centered and deceitful and manipulative and addicted.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I exactly understand what that felt like.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: I know why I made those decisions.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: I know how my thinking even though it was distorted I can go back and say, okay, is that what you're going through?
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: When I'm coaching somebody, when I see somebody struggling, see somebody stuck in the middle of it, I can go back to the dark times Not to dwell and compare notes and say, oh, you did that.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Well, this is what I did, don't get caught up in that.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: It's very easy to get caught up on that.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: But to go and say I understand you, I see you, I did the same thing and this is what I felt like, does that sound familiar?
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: And then the person says, holy hell, you mean it's not just me, you experienced that too.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: And so my point is all the crud that you've done in your past, that maybe you've been hiding or carrying shame about, I think that's a human thing.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: That's reasonable, but you can turn it into something so damn powerful.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: And it's really just a decision and practice.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: If you just decide to look at all of those things, all of the shortcomings, as lessons or a data pool, a well of knowledge to draw experience from and share in service to somebody else, it will free you from the guilt, it will free you from the night terrors.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: It freed me, I mean.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: I keep saying it'll do it for you.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it will, but it did it for me Like 100%, no doubt.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: When those things come up, I just think, okay, that was an experience that I need to use to help somebody else.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: And so my call to action for you is this it's a little bit more of you know, forgive yourself, it's really all the dirt that you did.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: What are you going to do to use the experience of doing that dirt to contribute to somebody else's path?
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: And if you're feeling like ultra, ultra courageous and not afraid to be vulnerable, leave me a comment and the things like whatever on the socials, on the LinkedIn, the YouTube or the reviews, let me know where you are on these different points or these stages.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: And if you thought you were alone, if you thought you were the only one that had these feelings and thoughts and failure points, leave me a message wherever you can find the links and hit me up.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: If you thought you were alone before you heard this, drop the little raise hand emoji and I'll know that.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: You now know that you're not alone and that's what I'm here for.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: That's why I'm sharing my message is so that people know that they're not alone.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Appreciate y'all listening to this solo cast and me babbling.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: I hope it brought you some value.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: If it touched you in some kind of way and it made you think about somebody else that could benefit from the thoughts or the ideas, or even if you just want to make fun of me with the friend, share it with them and ask them to listen to it and and hit the stars and do the likes and all that other stuff.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: I appreciate y'all very, very much.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Be kind to yourself, be cool and we'll talk at you next time.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Peace.