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Transcript

Acing Those Big Moments · The No Cry Zone

• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's wise to have a talent.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's a lesson hard to teach.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the No Cry Zone, positive change that is doable and durable.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: I'm your host, Jim Best, and I'm glad you're here.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: Our intro song today is A Painting Without Paint.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_03: It's another one of those great songs by Brazen Candor.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: Check out more of their body of work at brazencandor.com.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_03: I wanted to share that song with you here because so many people relate to that title.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_03: Often our lives can feel like a painting without paint.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: I've heard from many people on this topic, and most seem to agree.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of life seems ordinary.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_03: We wake up, go through routines, handle responsibilities, manage schedules, solve little problems, and move through familiar days.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_03: That's normal.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, ordinary days are where much of life is lived.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_03: But here's something many people miss.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_03: While life feels mostly routine, outcomes are often shaped by a surprisingly small number of moments that matter far more than average.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: That's why today we're looking at acing those big moments.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: So let's talk about some of those big moments.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_03: It could be a conversation, it could be a question from a subordinate or a child, it could be an opportunity, it could be a challenge, it could be a crisis, could be a chance to speak, could be a chance to lead, a chance to love better, a chance to listen, or a chance to show character.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: Those are the big potential moments.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: And today we're going to talk about how to ace those big moments.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: Because many people do not lose in life from lack of potential.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_03: They lose in moments.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: They mishandle pressure.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_03: They react poorly.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: They stay silent when they should speak.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_03: How many times has that happened to you?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: When you think later on, I should have said.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: But we speak re recklessly sometimes when we should listen.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_03: People arrive unprepared, and people let emotion outrun wisdom.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: But the good news is this handling big moments well is learnable.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: We can learn to ace those big moments.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_03: And that is exactly the kind of practical growth we focus on here in the no-cry zone.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: So what are those big moments?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: Some big moments are obvious.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: A job interview, giving a presentation, asking for a raise, a wedding proposal, a major decision.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: But many big moments arrive quietly.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: Your spouse says, We need to talk.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_03: Your child says, What's the right thing to do?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_03: A friend calls in distress.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_03: Your boss says, Do you have a minute?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: Someone asks for your honest opinion.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: A relationship reaches a crossroads.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: A problem can no longer be ignored.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: Those moments often look ordinary at first, but they are leverage points.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: And you do not get do-overs on most of those big moments.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_03: That's why we're focusing on chasing them.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_03: Those big moments, if you handle them well, will shape trust, opportunity, confidence, and direction in your life.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_03: That's why awareness matters.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_03: Many people treat trivial moments dramatically and important moments casually.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_03: That's backwards.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: Let's talk about what commonly goes wrong for people.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_03: And some of these are avoidable mistakes, as you'll see.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_03: One is what I call misguided defensiveness, and it's a big one.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_03: Someone gives feedback, raises a concern, questions a decision, or maybe they just want more information.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_03: Instead of listening, people armor up, they interrupt, they explain too early, they get sarcastic, they shift blame, they point fingers, they counterattack.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I call misguided defensiveness.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: Not all defense is wrong.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, it's pretty natural.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: But misguided defensiveness protects your ego while harming outcomes and hurting relationships.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_03: You save face and lose trust.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_03: You win a point and lose influence.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_03: You avoid discomfort and miss a growth opportunity.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes we can be too casual at moments.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_03: Some people wing important moments.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'll figure something out, they think.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_03: They assume personality will cover a lack of preparation.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: It generally doesn't.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: Some people are too intense.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_03: Others treat every disagreement like it's the final battle.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_03: They escalate when calm would work better.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_03: Not every conflict is the shootout at the okay corral.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: Some talk instead of listen.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: Many think the moment is about performing.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: Often it is about understanding.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: Another common problem is freezing.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_03: Some know what should be said, but fear keeps them silent.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_03: That can create regrets that last much longer than discomfort ever would have.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: So let's talk about preparing for big moments.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_03: Here is one of the most valuable truths in today's episode.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_03: Many big moments are predictable.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: And you can use the power of anticipation for them.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_03: They're not predictable by the exact date or time, but by pattern.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: If you've been doing excellent work for two years, a career moment may be coming.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_03: If a relationship is deepening, an important conversation may be coming.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_03: If your child is growing, hard questions will be coming.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_03: If tension has been building, a resolution may be necessary.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: If opportunity is increasing, visibility moments may be coming.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_03: Learn to anticipate.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's the best and highest use of your mental faculty.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_03: Learn to anticipate.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_03: Ask yourself, what important conversation is likely ahead?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_03: How should I handle it?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: Where might I soon be evaluated?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: What needs clarity instead of drift?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: What opportunity may require me to be more ready?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: That mindset creates an advantage for you.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_03: Preparation avoids panic.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_03: Preparation means clarifying what matters most, choosing good timing, choosing the right setting, rehearsing key points, understanding the other side, regulating emotions in advance, deciding who you want to be when the moment comes.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_03: That last one is huge.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: Many people prepare words.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: Better to prepare yourself as a person.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: Will you be calm?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_03: Will you listen?
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: Will you be honest?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_03: Will you stay steady if challenged?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_03: That matters more than polished lines.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: Now let's talk about how to handle the moment while you're in it.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_03: When the moment arrives, slow down.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: Pressure speeds people up, they talk fast, think narrowly, and react quickly.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: Slow down.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: A calm pace is power.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: Listen deeply.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_03: Hear not only words but meaning.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_03: What is the meaning behind the words?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_03: What is the feeling and the emotion behind the words?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_03: What is this person saying, and what are they not saying?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_03: A spouse may be asking for connection.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: A boss may be asking for growth.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_03: A child may be asking for guidance.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_03: Another important thing to do is to ask intelligent questions.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_03: Questions create clarity.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_03: Help me understand.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_03: How do you mean what matters most here?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_03: What would improvement look like?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_03: How can I help?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_03: Those are all powerful questions.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: Questions often lower tension and raise intelligence when we ask them calmly and cooperatively.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: Be clear.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_03: Don't ramble.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_03: Say what matters.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_03: Mean what you say.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_03: Stop when you finish.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_03: You don't get paid by the words.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_03: Use them wisely and eloquently.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_03: And remember, you're playing for the long game.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: You don't want to win the exchange and lose the relationship.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: That principle alone can improve many lives, including your own.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_03: Now let's talk about what we're calling the big moment mindset.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_03: This is best looked at as inner posture, because mindset often determines your conduct.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: Now let's look at five important words.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: Words that we don't use all the time, but are really meaningful when it comes to acing the big moments.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_03: One word I like to think of is a plom.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: It's an odd word, A-P-L-O-M-B, calm self-possession under pressure.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_03: What would be more valuable than that in a big moment?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: Let's also talk about poise, emotional steadiness, grace, strength with class, finesse, skillful touch, nuance, timing, and integrity.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_03: Doing what is right when the stakes get higher.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_03: Those five traits will outperform panic, personality, and ego time and time again.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_03: Now, I want to talk about something, and it's a bit of a misconception.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_03: People think, well, if I had more confidence, I would be able to handle the big moments better.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_03: That's you're looking at it the different way.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: Confidence comes from handling the big moments.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_03: Preparation allows you to handle those big moments.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_03: And confidence does not mean swagger.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: Confidence means steadiness.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: The person who can remain clear-headed while others unravel has a powerful kind of confidence.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_03: Final truth here: you do not need to be amazing every day.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_03: There's no law against it, but you don't need to do that.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: You don't need to dominate every room.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, I always tell people it's best to be the most reasonable person in the room.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_03: Again, that does not mean giving the compromise.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_03: That does not mean being a pushover.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: It means using reason to make decisions and conduct ourselves.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: And remember, you do not need to win every exchange.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_03: And if you approach conversations and interactions that way, people will stop interacting with you.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_03: And remember, 90% of the things you need in life come from other people.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_03: You don't need to win every exchange.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_03: But if you become better in the moments that matter most, your life can improve dramatically.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: Because careers turn in moments, relationships turn in moments, and you were aware of that already.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_03: Trust turns in moments, reputation turns in moments.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_03: Self-respect turns in moments.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: The next big moment in your life may already be on its way.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_03: Don't fear it.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: Prepare for it.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_03: And when it arrives, meet it well.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_03: One other thing I'll point out.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes you have to create your own big moments.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: We'll talk about that on the next no cry zone.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for being here.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_03: This is the no cry zone.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_03: Positive change that is doable and durable.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_03: And you can do it and you can make it last.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: Check out our big moments blogs at momentumgps.com.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: Join me tomorrow at Upwards Best, or better yet, sign up for the daily updates.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_03: Personal growth one page a day.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_03: How can you beat that?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: And keep listening to Brazen Candor.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_03: Lastly and most importantly, thank you.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_03: Go out and ace those big moments.