Latest / Hustle Rebels: Burnout Recovery for Over-Achievers / How to Stop Caring What People Think and Be Yourself

Transcript

How to Stop Caring What People Think and Be Yourself · Hustle Rebels: Burnout Recovery for Over-Achievers

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm going to talk about Brenda from West Virginia.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: A stranger on Facebook who called me a hoe.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, technically, because of her grammar, she called me a garden hose.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: But I digress.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I saw a post the other day that said, you know what's embarrassing?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: We made that shit up.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Go live.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, it has stuck with me in my head ever since.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because how often do we stop ourselves from doing something because of what someone might think?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: What will they think about what I'm wearing?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: What if I look stupid?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: What if I draw too much attention to myself?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: What if somebody judges me and thinks I'm a failure?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, that imaginary person isn't even in the room.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And we've already given them full authority over our decisions.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: What if we just shut that dumbass voice up and just lived?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Wore what we wanted, said what we wanted, tried the thing, took up space, let ourselves be seen.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I'm not suggesting that we do whatever the fuck we wanted at someone else's expense.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's not confidence.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's just being an asshole.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: But you showing up confidently, wearing something bold, sharing your work, expressing your personality authentically, or even quitting that job that has been sucking the life out of you, that's not hurting anyone.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, it might even be the exact thing that opens an opportunity and creates a connection or helps the right person notice you.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And real quick, this is the weekly recharge, the part of the Hustle Rebels podcast where I take something that is happening in my own life, pull it apart, look at the patterns underneath it, and share what I'm learning along the way.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully something in my shit helps you recognize something in yours and then gives you a chance to grow through it as well.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: If it resonates, subscribe, leave a rating, or share it with somebody who needs to grow.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's get back to embarrassment.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Enter in Brenda from West Virginia.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: See, I love wearing tights with shorts, and because I have thick ass thighs, booty shorts look best on me.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Trust me, putting Bermuda shorts on these tree trunks is not helping anyone.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: I also recently got an incredible but slightly unhinged Smarties looking pleather jacket to wear at gigs.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And before playing a ladies' night show, I put the whole outfit together and I posted it on social media to hype up the night.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I looked fly as fuck, and most people agreed.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Then some lady named Brenda from West Virginia commented, shorts to short, no hoes needed.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, Brenda, it's two T-O-O.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Second, if you're trying to call me a hoe, at least commit to the insult and spell it correctly.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Third, and most importantly, what a wild thing to say publicly to a complete stranger.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm not a viral influencer.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: I had like 23 likes at the time.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: But now I could have read that comment and thought, oh my gosh, maybe the shorts really are too short.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: I shouldn't wear that again.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Is this what everybody is secretly thinking?
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely fucking not.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to let one person who doesn't know me and apparently has a complicated relationship with grammar decide whether I feel good in an outfit that I love.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Brenda does not get that kind of authority.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing: neither does the Brenda living inside of your own head.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: One comment doesn't get to cancel the whole room.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: The rest of the post was filled with people raving about the outfit, and there are far more people cheering me on than criticizing.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yet, this is what our brains love to do.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Ignore the 10 people saying you look incredible, and obsess over the one person mumbling something shitty from the corner in the peanut gallery.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that voice belongs to an actual person, but most of the time it's our own.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: You can't do that.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: You'll look stupid.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Don't draw attention to yourself.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you think you are?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: What will people say?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly, one imagined criticism becomes more important than the entire group of people who would love to see us show up fully as ourselves.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Hell, most of them are too busy worrying about what you think of them to spend any time judging you.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to let you in on a little secret that I have learned lately.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Embarrassment requires your participation.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Someone else can attempt to embarrass you.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: They can make a comment, roll their eyes, misunderstand you, or decide that they don't like what you're doing.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: But you're the one who decides whether their opinion becomes your identity.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're the one who decides whether one comment changes how you dress, speak, create, lead, perform, or live.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean criticism never stings, we're human.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it lands, and sometimes constructive criticism is warranted.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a difference between feeling the sting and restructuring your entire life around it.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to make yourself smaller just because someone else is uncomfortable watching you take up space.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, it says a lot more about them than it does you.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you definitely don't need to pre-reject yourself on behalf of people who haven't even said anything.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because you have no idea what being yourself could even lead to.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: The outfit that you almost didn't wear that night might get you noticed by someone who loves your energy.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: The opinion you almost didn't share might start an important conversation.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that video that you almost didn't post might reach the exact person who needed to hear it.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: That event that you almost skipped might actually introduce you to a future friend, partner, client, collaborator, or even an opportunity.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: You truly never know where being yourself might lead.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: But you'll never find out if you keep editing yourself into a version that feels acceptable to everyone.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Life is too damn short to let the menial opinions of simple minds determine how much of yourself the world gets to see.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Especially when there are millions of other people who might be rooting for exactly who you are.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Brenda is not your target audience.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Stop dressing for her.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Stop creating for her.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Stop living for her.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: So this week's practice is going to be the anti-embarrassment experiment.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Pick one thing that you have been avoiding because you're afraid it might look embarrassing, attention-seeking, weird or cringy or too much.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's wearing the outfit or posting a video, sharing your opinion, going somewhere alone, or even introducing yourself, specifically asking for an opportunity, trying something you might not even be immediately good at.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: And before you back out, ask yourself, is this actually harmful for someone, or am I just too afraid to be seen?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Then do it before the imaginary committee in your head schedules another meeting without you.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or don't even give yourself the five seconds to allow yourself to change your mind.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: I actually use that trick pretty often and it truly works.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: You might feel awkward.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Someone might even judge you.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Let them.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: They can watch you live your life while they sit there worrying about your shorts.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Go live.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And this week on the Hustle Rebels podcast, in case you missed it, what if your best employee isn't the person willing to sacrifice everything for the job?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Last week I broke down three reasons that employees with healthy boundaries create stronger teams, better leaders, and workplaces that people actually want to stay in.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because rewarding endless overtime, unused sick time, and constant availability isn't building loyalty.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's building burnout with a countdown clock.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: So you can check it out on YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms, probably like the one that you're listening to right now.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, someone will always have an opinion about how you dress, what you say, what you create, or how boldly you just choose to live.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Just let them.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Their discomfort is not your instruction manual.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Wear the shorts, post the damn thing, take up space.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Find the job that you deserve to be at.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: The people meant for you will recognize you.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And Brenda can work on her grammar.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, go live.