Latest / The Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans Podcast / The Chicken Nugget Saga
Transcript
- Heidi: Hello and welcome to another episode of the Raising Intelligently Humans Podcast. I'm Heidi Lindemann. I'm your host. I'm a single mom by choice to two little girls. I am a lover of feelings and emotions. And I also really like having fun and doing art and doing creative things. Anyway, today I'm gonna tell you a story that I'm gonna call the chicken nugget saga. Yep, the chicken nugget saga. Alright, so a day not too long ago. I'd picked up my kids from school. This was prior to kindergarten. So they were in preschool. And on the drive home I do often ask them if anyone has any requests for dinner. Sometimes they'll say something, sometimes they don't. It's also me trying to figure out what are we having for dinner? 'Cause I often don't know what we're eating for dinner. Meal planning, not my high suit. Strong suit there. Working on that one. Anyway, this particular day, driving home, I asked them, Does anyone have any particular requests for dinner? Are you craving anything, you want anything? No response. They are both pretty tired. Sucking their thumbs, looking out the window. Watching the world go by as we're driving around. And then just me asking that question helped me notice what I wanted for whatever reason that particular day. Chicken ramen, like top ramen chicken noodle soup, sounded so good. was like, my goodness, I so want that. I hardly ever want to eat ramen. I used to eat all the time as a kid. I don't really want to eat it as an adult. But man, I could not stop thinking about it and craving it. And like, I want that so much. We're having that for dinner. I'm pretty sure we still have some. Do we get home? And get inside. And I go in the cupboard and I pull out the chicken ramen, top ramen chicken noodle soup. We had one package left. I was like, all right, this is what we're having. That and then I had to make some other stuff because I couldn't eat an entire package myself. So I was like, okay, so we'll do that. I was like, looked in the fridge, like, ooh, we have chicken, like actual chicken. I had bought an rotisserie chicken. We call pickin' pickin' chickens. Pick and chicken. Yeah. Pickin' chicken. You pick the chicken, you pick off the chicken, you know? You pick the meat off the chicken. Well, that was a little bit much there. Okay. Anyway, so I snown that we had set that that I had forgotten we had had. It's like awesome. So I'm gonna add that into my soup. I'm gonna try to make my soup a little healthier, a little more protein. And give some of that chicken to the girls on the side. Because they will not eat it if it's in their soup. At least my older one won't. And then my younger one will do whatever my older one does. and then some veggies. I think we had some carrots, some celery, maybe frozen peas. And I think I also we had an apple or something, so I found some fruit. And I like, that's what we're having for dinner. So I make the dinner. While I'm making dinner, my older one says, I want chicken nuggets And I said, chicken nuggets aren't on the menu today. I'm making top ramen chicken noodle soup. Making n chicken noodles. 'Cause she loves that. We buy it mostly for her because she will eat it. And she said, I don't want that. I want chicken nuggets. And I said, I know, I hear you really want chicken nuggets today. Chicken nuggets are not on the menu. She's like, We're doing the on the menu thing again. I want chicken nuggets, mom. And I said, I'm making dinner. It'll be on the table soon. And I think they were watching a T V show at this point. So I finished making dinner, get it all ready, I bring it to the table, I put their bowls with their soup on the table, and I put a big platter of the apples and the carrots and the celery and the extra stuff so that they can choose which things they want. And then I gave them both a little bit of chicken. And my older one. does not like this. First she starts with a like frustrated, angry tone. Yelling kind of. I didn't I don't want that. Where are my chicken nuggets? I you I told you I wanted chicken nuggets. I wanna eat my chicken nuggets. Where are my chicken nuggets? I could see her getting really flustered. I'm like Wait sounds like your anger's like I'm not angry. Ooh I can hear that your yelling is really hard for you right now. And then she just keeps yelling and then she starts to throw things I think. So I get up. To not allow her to do that, or not allow her to throw more things. And I take her into my office, which is often where we go when we need to regulate, when we need to calm down, when we need to have some space for letting feelings happen, but also in a calmer area because my office is picked up. It's organized, it's the one space in the house that is less. visually stimulating fr of mess because the living room had toys all over the floor, stuff all over the counter. It just feels calmer in my office. So we come in here and we sit for a little bit. She's screaming, kicking. Then there's a chair, a roly chair, so she starts rolling back and forth on the chair. Like great. I'm thinking great, this is okay, great. We're gonna get through this. Then we can go back and eat our food. I'm really hungry right now. When we do that for a little bit time, she seems to be okay. She's no longer yelling, she's not crying, she's not screaming, nothing's happening. We go back out, I sit down and I start eating my food. I tell her come sit down, have some dinner. And she looks at it and she gets angry again. I was like, no. Here we go. So I kept reiterating. This is dinner. I've already made dinner, I'm gonna eat it. I'm really hungry right now. You don't have to eat it. If you're hungry you can eat it. If you're not, that's okay too. Mm she starts crying. And screaming. So she's in the both like sad and angry face now. And it feels like her emotions are just getting kind of bigger or more. I don't know. Like huh. was and I've been reading book the book punishment free parenting by John. I know I've mentioned that one too, Fogle. he's the twenty minute shoe guy. And I was like, Okay, grounding, grounding. Right, I remember. I was just reading about this. And I know this. So I pick her up and we go outside. Then little one follows and we're all outside. And I just start naming things that I see. I see a tree. I see some grass. What do you see? She's just crying and screaming still. I hear a bird. I hear the cars. What do you hear? What do you see? Then she names something that she sees. There's a car. There's the trash can. Yeah. Then I put her down. And I ask her what it feels what does it feel like on your feet? Can you feel your feet on the grass? And she kind of does that, she kinda feels her feet. And it seems again like she's coming down, like she's regulating, becoming more okay. And we stand out there for a little longer. I think she asks me to pick her back up and I start pick her up her and I'm she asked me to rock her, so I'm kind of swaying back and forth. Just noticing and breathing in the air. And I think that we're okay again. And then we go back inside. And I sit down and she sits down next to me at her spot. And she looks at the table and she says, I want chicken nuggets. Where are my chicken nuggets? And I tell her, Chicken nuggets are not on the menu. You can have some tomorrow. This is your dinner. If you're hungry, you can go ahead and eat. I think you're hungry. Then she starts crying. Just full on deep, intense crying sobs. And she lays on me her head I think is on my lap and I'm kind of just holding, stroking her while I'm still eating 'cause I'm still very hungry. And she just keeps crying. This entire process from her crying, from the anger and the crying and all this was I think about forty five minutes. And then she kinda stopped crying and she's just laying in my lap. And then she sits up. My food is all gone. Her sister's food is all gone. And she takes a bite of the soup. mind blown right now. I did not think that she would eat the soup. I didn't think she would eat something that she didn't want to eat. And I was like, my goodness, look at what just happened. I think I held the boundary and I think I did it in a relatively grounded way. For forty five minutes, which feels like an eternity when emotions are so big and so strong. And there's been many times like that where I cannot Stay that calm or that regulated. I think the stepping out of the off into the office and then stepping outside with helping her regulate also helped me regulate enough to feel more grounded. And I think I was also just having a really good day. Probably was at a really good place in my cycle 'cause that matters. It really does matter, honestly. There's certain days in my cycle where I am it's not as easy to stay as regulated as other days. But she eats her soup. Like, wow, she ate it. I think she maybe ate a little other stuff. I don't know. And then we do a whole bedtime process and we get ready for bed. I put them in bed. You know, those can be whole stories too, where I'm not telling you that story today. And then in the morning she wakes up. We do our normal morning routine where we get ready for the the day before we Go downstairs to eat breakfast. And then we go downstairs. And I just happened to ask if there's anything in particular I wanted for chick for breakfast. Normally they eat waffles, protein waffles. And she says to me, I don't want waffles. I want chicken nuggets. I was like, Really? You really want chicken nuggets? Okay, why not? You can go ahead and have some chicken nuggets for breakfast. How many you want? And she tells me I think three or four. So I make her three or four chicken nuggets. And then I give it to her for breakfast. And she eats her chicken nuggets. And then I had this moment when I was talking to a business coach of mine and t told her the story. Because we're t we also talk about human design. and was just getting curious about my kiddo's chart and my chart and what was happening here. And I was like, What is this? Like how How could she still want chicken nuggets? Like how like she was focused on chicken nuggets for a long time. And my the business coach told me, who is also a manifesting generator in human design, I'm a manifesting generator. She's like, it's a wild thing, isn't it? For us manifesting generators who are like, Do I hold on to something yet for very long? I actually can hold a craving for a long time, but generally I'm like, meh. The next day I'm gonna want something different. I'm gonna want my eggs in the morning and not whatever it was that I wanted for dinner if I didn't get the dinner. And then she's like and it's so different from manifesting generators to generators. My child is a generator, who when she wants something, she's just gonna stay on it until she's gets it. Whereas manifesting generators tend to f switch or be faster at responding to different things and changing what they want. Those generators tend to hold on to what they want more often. That's a very big generalization just saying that for anyone who's like a human design person. Just take that with a grain of salt, okay? And it just was surprising to me and funny how much she wanted her chicken nuggets and how satisfied she was after she got them. And then she was totally fine, and then she was like, could you eat anything else? And it's one of those moments too. That makes me wonder as a parent. I mean, honestly, honestly wonder. She wanted chicken nuggets so bad. So much. Like so clearly that's what she wanted. She was very clear what she wanted. And is it I hold the question like when is it that I release my boundary around or my rule or my expectation around here's what dinner is and I made this dinner for you, so this is what it is. Where it says, Just make your two chicken nuggets and and be fine with it and then she can have the other dinner too. Especially when both of the dinners are not particularly healthy ones. It feels different to me when it's like top ramen or chicken noodles. I mean wow, what did I just say? Hmm. Top ramen noodle, chicken noodle soup or chicken nuggets. Both of those to me is like a similar healthiness. toss up there, maybe chicken and sugar is slightly better. I have no idea. both processed foods, both, you know, easy to make. Meh, they're not, yeah. Whatever. So like they're it's not like this super healthy food versus this not super healthy food. They're like generally in the same range in my brain. I don't know if that's actually true, but in my brain, yeah. So what is what is that? What is the answer to that? I don't honestly know. 'Cause I don't think there is one specific answer. But there was also the really amazing thing that happened where when I saw that if I have the this is what dinner is expectation, put it on the table, and then support her through all of her feelings, which she had a lot about this because this was not what she wanted. She wanted something else. She did eventually come to eat it. So there's like a holding boundary there. But she still wanted the chicken nuggets. And she still wanted to eat them in the morning. So just it's a one it's a pondering kind of question for me. As though what's the the way to best support the kids? Of course they need boundaries, of course they need to be held in that like containment and have that type of containment. Hundred percent agree with that. I also really value autonomy and knowing our own inner our own inner space, our authenticity, our inner knowing, and want my kids to follow what their inner knowing is. Want to f them to follow what their authority is. Both of them have emotional authority like I do. but with my older one, she's a generator, so she could make that sacral decision about food in that in the moment. That yes no. And I want her to follow that too. And also I want to guide her to eat healthier, but I also was not providing the most healthy food either. So I don't know, I get a little bit mixed up about that one. And it's just one of those interesting quandaries to me that shows there's probably many ways I could have gone with that same situation. And both of them could have been just fine. Like the way that I handled it and I held the boundary and I held the this is what it was and I'm not gonna get up and make different food just because you want different food and I'm here for ya. And you can still have that thing that food tomorrow. It's not like she has a shortage of chicken nuggets. She eats chicken nuggets a lot. But I held the boundary and I felt really good with that the way that I held the boundary. But then I also wonder why with how if I had given her one or two chicken nuggets, would that have also allowed her to have to regulate herself more because she's also getting what she wants. And that's not necessarily fully regulating, but it's like her expectations are being met, would that have helped her I don't know. Would she have had less intense emotions, I guess that's what I'm saying? I don't know. Not that I need her to have less intense emotions. But it's nice when there's not that intense emotions. Now I'm talking myself into circles around this. And yeah, it's just a curious thing. And it's one of those things where I would want to f where I want to follow up with her around the when she wants something or she expects something. And she doesn't get it, what does she need for herself? So like that's like the her part of her learning. How can she come into more curiosity, into more openness, into more I might really know what I want, but I don't want her necessarily lose knowing what she wants. And when she doesn't get what she wants, how can she feel her feelings, be with her, whatever her parts of her that are coming up? And then also Enter into a space where she feels more regulated and and grounded and able to still nourish her body with food. Which she did eventually do that, honestly, so and she's five. You know, not not so bad. Anyway, that's some re the chicken nugget story, chicken nugget saga, and then some reflection questions, ponderings that I sit with often that I don't actually have answers to. They're just things that come up for me that I I circle around these types of situations and challenges and ponderies and wonderings often. as I am raising two little humans. And I really want to have like a clear here, do this thing. This is the thing that is most beneficial. And I don't have one. What I have is I felt really good about the way that I handled that situation in my own body because I wasn't yelling at them or at her. I wasn't frustrated, super frustrated. I still met my own need of eating. And I also helped her by having to pause my eating and attend to her for a little bit and then come back to my own eating. So it's like this balance of back and forth between her and me and doing my best to try to meet both of our needs and supports in one situation, back and forth. And sometimes simultaneously while she cried, Ice was eating. It's not fully just holding her. But I was holding her. You know? Anyway. That's the story I got for you today. Hopefully it sparks something for you. Hopefully it helps you to No, you're not alone in not having a clear this is how the best way to handle this particular situation. There's many ways to handle something, to navigate through a certain situation where there are big feelings and holding boundaries. And I'm guessing you probably have some stories that might be kind of similar. I also just love my kiddo that she still wanted chicken nuggets and she got her chicken nuggets in the morning. She's she's a great kid. All right, that's what I got for you today. I will talk to you later. Or you'll listen to me later. Cause I actually don't know who you are. But I hope it's helpful, whoever you are, mama. No, I I honestly truly do make these episodes because I want whatever mom is out there who really needs to hear it to hear it. So if you are a mom who listened to this and you th think of another mom who might really be needing this, maybe they're going through some kind of struggle similar to mine around food and boundaries, feel free to send it to them. All right, thanks. Until next time.