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Happy Hour #58: I Woke Up Like This · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. I'm welcome to Stephane
0:08
Speaker 1: never told you protection of I Heeart Radio, And this
0:19
Speaker 1: time for another happy hour. Cheers. It is Fridays, it
0:24
Speaker 1: does record this. Is this a happy hour or an
0:27
Speaker 1: unhappy hour? It's a happy hour. The title might be confusing,
0:33
Speaker 1: and it's a happy hour. I did tell Samantha beforehand.
0:36
Speaker 1: I have like three happy hours ready to go, and
0:39
Speaker 1: the other two are so nerd heavy and so sad.
0:42
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna put a space where we're
0:45
Speaker 1: not going to talk about that before I get into those.
0:47
Speaker 1: But get ready, Okay, I need to prepare. Oh probably not.
0:54
Speaker 1: It's just really nerdy, sad stuff. But um, as always
0:59
Speaker 1: with these episodes, inc responsibly if you choose to do so. Uh, Samantha,
1:03
Speaker 1: what are you sipping on? Well? As I have asked
1:07
Speaker 1: about this happy unhappy hour with the world feeling like
1:10
Speaker 1: it's exploding with some splash of good news happening, I
1:14
Speaker 1: still am a very uh, feely person in general. So
1:19
Speaker 1: when I feel overwhelmed, which I do feel right now
1:22
Speaker 1: because things are happening and it affects me greatly, I
1:26
Speaker 1: decided I need to stick with my bubble water, and
1:29
Speaker 1: so I'm doing some pineapple bubble water, and but it
1:33
Speaker 1: is very refreshing and delightful. Nice. Nice. It's always good
1:38
Speaker 1: to be able to recognize in yourself what you need
1:41
Speaker 1: take care of yourself. Um, I'm having a sassiac meanwhile,
1:47
Speaker 1: because Marty Girl that Tuesday is this coming Tuesday, March one,
1:54
Speaker 1: And we just did an episode on the sazerac on
1:58
Speaker 1: the other podcast, I do what is the a sasirak
2:02
Speaker 1: is either kanyak ry whiskey, and she's one of those,
2:07
Speaker 1: and then bitters, usually patial, and then a twist. People
2:15
Speaker 1: fight over that. But like a twist of lemon or
2:18
Speaker 1: the hint of lemon or something uh yeah, yeah, would
2:24
Speaker 1: be something else. I've already like jettison that information from
2:27
Speaker 1: my mind. I recorded it yesterday, so it was out.
2:33
Speaker 1: It was a very confusing episode. It's been a while
2:36
Speaker 1: since I've gotten that angry trying to nail down the
2:39
Speaker 1: timeline of a food. But I was mad. When you
2:42
Speaker 1: don't have all the information or it's jumping everywhere and
2:45
Speaker 1: you quick can't quite grasp what is the history or
2:48
Speaker 1: context of this, It is frustrating. It is and we
2:52
Speaker 1: get those like sources that don't match up. Right, I
2:56
Speaker 1: was very frustrated. Right, but now I'm drinking sass accident.
3:00
Speaker 1: But now you're enjoying it, so hey, Yes, Also I
3:03
Speaker 1: forgot sugar. The sugar in there, all right. So today
3:06
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about something that I has been
3:11
Speaker 1: on my mind because there was a recent article. I
3:13
Speaker 1: believe it was about euphoria to show euphoria, but I
3:16
Speaker 1: could be wrong, but it was about I have not
3:19
Speaker 1: seen it. I won't put that out there, but I
3:21
Speaker 1: think it was about like a character wakes up at
3:23
Speaker 1: four am to put on all this makeup and looks
3:26
Speaker 1: a certain way, which is something else we've seen in
3:28
Speaker 1: other shows of women like Marvelous Mismasal she would wake
3:33
Speaker 1: up and do all our makeup so when she woke up,
3:37
Speaker 1: her husband would see her and she would look this way.
3:40
Speaker 1: And I recently, as I said, I've been fortunate enough
3:44
Speaker 1: to go on a trip with my mom and then
3:46
Speaker 1: trip with some friends before, and I was thinking about
3:48
Speaker 1: that whole idea of you know, I woke up like
3:52
Speaker 1: this and how for me, I've never I've never had
4:00
Speaker 1: a confidence around that. And I was thinking about it
4:03
Speaker 1: because also passed host to the show Kristen Conger. She
4:06
Speaker 1: did a whole thing about one of the hardest things
4:08
Speaker 1: about moving in when somebody was accepting that they're going
4:12
Speaker 1: to see you in all of your states. And so
4:15
Speaker 1: I don't know about you, Samantha, but when I wake up,
4:17
Speaker 1: I look like I've been hit by a car, like
4:20
Speaker 1: for some reason, my hair is like poofing up like this.
4:26
Speaker 1: It looks greasy, even if I've washed it. My eyes
4:30
Speaker 1: are just drooping and baggy, and I just like stumble
4:34
Speaker 1: out and it's not good. Uh. Yeah. I also am
4:43
Speaker 1: finding that I have slowly turned into what I would
4:48
Speaker 1: imagine as the haggard witch any fairy kill. And it's
4:53
Speaker 1: not the pretty one. It's not the one that you
4:55
Speaker 1: come to, which did they try to deceive you, But
4:56
Speaker 1: it's that when they look into the mirror and you
4:58
Speaker 1: see the real cells and things a little off and
5:02
Speaker 1: kind of evil and definitely puffy mm hmm, that's where
5:06
Speaker 1: I am. Yeah, I get that chap to lift like
5:10
Speaker 1: they're all like cracked. My hair is a little bit
5:14
Speaker 1: of everywhere. It's long now, so I tried to have
5:17
Speaker 1: to put it in a braid because I can't stand
5:19
Speaker 1: it wrapped around me like it keeps me awake, so
5:22
Speaker 1: now I have to braid it. And so not only
5:24
Speaker 1: is my hair all over the place so like it
5:27
Speaker 1: looks extra clunchy, And then my under eyes have been like, hey, yes,
5:32
Speaker 1: obviously you pretended to sleep, but good try and because
5:36
Speaker 1: I am trying my best to figure out what's happening.
5:39
Speaker 1: And I'm Asian, so therefore my eyes are a little smaller,
5:43
Speaker 1: it is extra puffy, so it just looks like I'm
5:46
Speaker 1: eternally squinting and or have had allergic reaction. Yeah, I
5:51
Speaker 1: think allergic reaction is a good description for how my
5:55
Speaker 1: face looks in the morning too. I always am like
5:58
Speaker 1: what happened to me in the night? And I turned about,
6:03
Speaker 1: I twist and turn, and I just feel like I
6:06
Speaker 1: must have a very active for the hours I'm asleep.
6:09
Speaker 1: There's a lot of movement. Well, you vividly dreamed too,
6:13
Speaker 1: I do in my dreams have gotten a wilder and wilder.
6:16
Speaker 1: I gotta say I hadn't a doozy last night, but
6:21
Speaker 1: I was thinking about that in the context of yes,
6:24
Speaker 1: kind of these in this in this specific case, very
6:28
Speaker 1: heteronormative relationship, but I think it goes for any relationship.
6:32
Speaker 1: But when I was thinking back to my last long
6:37
Speaker 1: term relationship, he never ever woke up before I did.
6:43
Speaker 1: And a part of that I think was my I mean,
6:47
Speaker 1: I'm an early riser, but I think part of it
6:49
Speaker 1: was I wanted to get up and I wanted to
6:51
Speaker 1: I would go run, and I would take a shower,
6:53
Speaker 1: and I'd get ready all this stuff before he would
6:55
Speaker 1: even wake up. And he set to me once. I
6:59
Speaker 1: loved that about you. I love that you're by the
7:00
Speaker 1: time I wake up, you're ready to go. And I
7:02
Speaker 1: was kind of like, yeah, I don't know if that's
7:09
Speaker 1: because you're an early riser, because you're always up before me.
7:12
Speaker 1: If we're hanging out, you're definitely up before me. I
7:15
Speaker 1: had to set an alarm to make sure before for
7:17
Speaker 1: a certain time. So at least I can uh act
7:20
Speaker 1: like yeah, definitely an adult and wake up at a
7:23
Speaker 1: reasonable time. But my partner does sleep later than I do. Typically.
7:27
Speaker 1: There are some days that when he's up before me,
7:29
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, what. But the one thing that he's
7:31
Speaker 1: always done, and I don't know if it's because he
7:34
Speaker 1: is very conscientious of it or what, but it's like
7:36
Speaker 1: immediately if he doesn't even brush, his teeth is use
7:40
Speaker 1: mouth wash, so his breath isn't bad, I guess. So
7:43
Speaker 1: I found that interesting as that was his routine and
7:46
Speaker 1: I could care less, to be honest, even before I'm like,
7:49
Speaker 1: I don't care. I do want to not look crusty.
7:52
Speaker 1: And definitely when I used to date or like sleep
7:54
Speaker 1: over with other guys, I would make sure my makeup
7:57
Speaker 1: wasn't everywhere, because you know, if you fall asleep, I
8:00
Speaker 1: haven't done the facial routine, and if you have mascara
8:03
Speaker 1: and her eyeliner and it's all over your face, you
8:05
Speaker 1: look like the evil dead. You literally look like so
8:10
Speaker 1: like I was like, okay, okay, that those are the
8:12
Speaker 1: only things I'd get up to make sure that that
8:14
Speaker 1: wasn't there. But that's not like I I never really
8:18
Speaker 1: worried too much, and I don't know if it's because
8:22
Speaker 1: it was hasn't been so until reason that I was like,
8:24
Speaker 1: oh this is I am scary. I just finally noticed it, right,
8:31
Speaker 1: And that's that's an interesting point, because I feel I
8:34
Speaker 1: was thinking about all of my most of my coast
8:38
Speaker 1: friends who are women have expressed this to me where
8:41
Speaker 1: they feel like they have to wake up first and
8:43
Speaker 1: they have to kind of make sure everything's okay first,
8:48
Speaker 1: and for me, I think, I just I think that
8:50
Speaker 1: was a part of what I was waking up first,
8:52
Speaker 1: but it wasn't something I necessarily thought of. But I
8:56
Speaker 1: have had like the comment my ex made, and then
8:58
Speaker 1: another X told me once, don't worry. I like the
9:02
Speaker 1: tired look, and I still am like, I don't know
9:06
Speaker 1: that deserves a slap. I don't know what that means,
9:10
Speaker 1: but I don't like it. That deserves either a slap
9:13
Speaker 1: or a dick punch, if whoever it is. Yeah, you
9:29
Speaker 1: know what, though, I just realized what I was very
9:31
Speaker 1: self conscious about when I was waking up with a
9:33
Speaker 1: partner or a person in bed. It's making sure I
9:35
Speaker 1: didn't look too fat. H That had been making sure
9:39
Speaker 1: I had the right amount of clothes, finding my broad
9:41
Speaker 1: to put my brawl and immediately because I didn't want
9:44
Speaker 1: anything to sag, making sure my shirt was covering everything,
9:47
Speaker 1: that my stomach wasn't showing that my very self conscious
9:50
Speaker 1: of my thighs or have been a little less now
9:53
Speaker 1: that that's appropriately covered, Like I am perfectly covered, that
9:56
Speaker 1: my arm fat isn't like pushed out too much, whereas
10:00
Speaker 1: obvious or that my chin fat wasn't pushed out too much,
10:03
Speaker 1: which is like I never really worried about makeups or
10:07
Speaker 1: skin per se or like facial because but the fat,
10:11
Speaker 1: like I wanted to hide anything that might made me
10:14
Speaker 1: or made me feel or look fat like that was immediate,
10:17
Speaker 1: So I must get dressed before they saw me. I
10:19
Speaker 1: would go out of bed until I could clothe myself
10:21
Speaker 1: so they couldn't see my nakedbye and or uh, if
10:24
Speaker 1: we were having sexy times, we would make sure that
10:27
Speaker 1: the lights were out like that was very self conscious.
10:30
Speaker 1: My positioning that my fat wasn't jiggling like all of
10:33
Speaker 1: those was something that I was very conscious about. Yeah,
10:36
Speaker 1: and I know that's the sentiment that a lot of
10:39
Speaker 1: women have shared and there's been studdies about, like during sex,
10:45
Speaker 1: women are thinking about how ugly they look, which is heartbreaking, right. I.
10:50
Speaker 1: I did have some situations where I think we discussed this.
10:53
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if it's come out yet. I don't
10:54
Speaker 1: think it has, but I think we discussed this in
10:56
Speaker 1: a Sex in the City rewatch episode about that kind
10:59
Speaker 1: of sleeping in sex close because we talked about it
11:01
Speaker 1: and just like that, No, we talked about it but
11:04
Speaker 1: I think we go on more depth about it. But
11:06
Speaker 1: I did do that a couple of times, but it
11:09
Speaker 1: was so like it was not for me. And I
11:13
Speaker 1: have said before I occasionally will dress sexy to bed
11:16
Speaker 1: just for me. It's not super comfortable, but I will
11:19
Speaker 1: do it. But the times I did it with the
11:22
Speaker 1: dude specifically, it was it felt like I was faking sleeping. Right. Yeah.
11:27
Speaker 1: And then another thing I constantly see in stories, movies
11:33
Speaker 1: and books and fan fiction of the like romantic tripe
11:37
Speaker 1: of watching somebody sleep, And I remember thinking about that
11:41
Speaker 1: and thinking, I bet I'm the uglier sleeper that is known.
11:46
Speaker 1: I actually taken a selfie of myself to see what
11:49
Speaker 1: it would look like to look at me if I
11:52
Speaker 1: was sleep and how best I can look. But Indiana's
11:55
Speaker 1: just a wide eyed, wide mouth gaping jeol look like.
12:00
Speaker 1: Again I've accepted it. But yes, yes, yes, yes, So
12:05
Speaker 1: I think that was one of the reasons why I
12:07
Speaker 1: get in my head like I gotta be the last
12:10
Speaker 1: to fall asleep in the first to rake, and I
12:13
Speaker 1: get so worried about snoring and like sleep art, I
12:16
Speaker 1: don't need this. Uh, the amount of space I took
12:19
Speaker 1: up in bed once again, This is my own projection
12:22
Speaker 1: of my insecurity about weight. And I know, like I
12:26
Speaker 1: hope y'all, I don't all understand this is my insecurity.
12:30
Speaker 1: I'm not calling it what it is. I'm not calling
12:32
Speaker 1: anybody else that they should be. They shouldn't, It shouldn't happen,
12:35
Speaker 1: it shouldn't be a thing. But for me, growing up
12:38
Speaker 1: feeling this way and still feeling this way, I was
12:43
Speaker 1: trying to prove that I'm not as big as I
12:46
Speaker 1: felt in my head by taking up a little amount
12:49
Speaker 1: of space in bed as I possibly could. Yeah, and
12:53
Speaker 1: that would keep me awake. Yeah, yeah, I would do
12:58
Speaker 1: that too. I do. You'll do that even with friends.
13:01
Speaker 1: And it's not that I don't trust them or anything.
13:04
Speaker 1: I'll just sleep, like in the smallest position possible. There's
13:09
Speaker 1: just all these considerations that go into this. I mean,
13:12
Speaker 1: sleep is very vulnerable. It's a very vulnerable position and
13:17
Speaker 1: state to be in. I mean I've definitely like I'm
13:21
Speaker 1: married and X murderer, and I've said it to my
13:23
Speaker 1: own partner man like man. That takes a lot of
13:25
Speaker 1: trust because in the end, one of us could kill
13:26
Speaker 1: each other. Yes, it's like, well, yeah, I'm honestly in awe, Like,
13:45
Speaker 1: if someone who struggles to sleep anyway, I've got a
13:47
Speaker 1: real like trigger to sleep. I'm so in awe of
13:51
Speaker 1: people who can just do it. And I think for me,
13:55
Speaker 1: it felt so whenever I slept in the same bed
13:59
Speaker 1: as a part her, it felt so like I had
14:02
Speaker 1: to perform this thing in a way that was attractive.
14:06
Speaker 1: And we're kind of seeing that through these shows where
14:09
Speaker 1: they wake up. The women wake up and they do
14:12
Speaker 1: their makeup and they do their hair and then lay
14:13
Speaker 1: back in bed as if they woke up like this,
14:19
Speaker 1: which is a lot of work and it's very exhausting.
14:22
Speaker 1: It was interesting on my trip with my mom and
14:25
Speaker 1: then my friends, we were all women. We were kind
14:28
Speaker 1: of like, I don't care, um, so I'm gonna tell
14:32
Speaker 1: you right now, I'm gonna wear the same shirt for
14:34
Speaker 1: two days. I'm not gonna put on a bra. I
14:39
Speaker 1: don't care anymore. And we were all on the same page.
14:42
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, okay, oh yeah. I think it's funny
14:46
Speaker 1: because you and I record typically it's changed a little bit,
14:48
Speaker 1: but twice a week and essentially you and I come
14:50
Speaker 1: back in the same shirt every day. We're like, hey,
14:52
Speaker 1: this is about right. I think that's what's what's been
14:55
Speaker 1: great about my partnership is from early on. Maybe it's
14:58
Speaker 1: because we've been neighbors, so therefore you really can't hide much.
15:01
Speaker 1: Not that that come out like all kinds of ways,
15:03
Speaker 1: but you know, like it's a little more accessible to
15:05
Speaker 1: see each other as often, And then like being in
15:08
Speaker 1: this relationship for a while that we got very comfortable
15:11
Speaker 1: around each other very quickly, so it no longer mattered. Eventually,
15:14
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, fine, I don't care. I'm wearing.
15:16
Speaker 1: Don't talk to me. He's the one that bought me
15:18
Speaker 1: my giant comfy so he needs Yeah, he knew. I
15:24
Speaker 1: love it. Oh, I love being That's the thing is
15:28
Speaker 1: that when you're that comfortable around someone, it's such a
15:31
Speaker 1: lovely feeling. But it is hard. It's hard to obtain.
15:36
Speaker 1: It's hard to let go of these kind of standards,
15:40
Speaker 1: beauty standards we put on women where you can't even
15:42
Speaker 1: just like sleep without it being do I look pretty? Though?
15:52
Speaker 1: But I also find it interesting because I think you
15:54
Speaker 1: and I are the same in this that I am
15:57
Speaker 1: very light sleeper essentially, um so if he moves, I moved,
16:00
Speaker 1: he is too. But it also takes me a minute
16:03
Speaker 1: to sleep. So I find it amazing because my partner
16:08
Speaker 1: can't be in bed. We're having a full on conversation.
16:11
Speaker 1: Two seconds later snoring, I'm like, wow, what And I
16:14
Speaker 1: started laughing because I'm like, this is incredible. What is happening?
16:19
Speaker 1: How do you do this? Because it takes me so
16:22
Speaker 1: long to actually fall asleep that I had to give
16:24
Speaker 1: myself an hour ahead, like go go lay down in
16:27
Speaker 1: my bed an hour before I actually want to sleep
16:30
Speaker 1: in order to sleep. But because of all of that,
16:33
Speaker 1: if having someone else in my bed is an automatic
16:36
Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah, I mean that's part of the thing
16:42
Speaker 1: where you've got to at least two sides to this,
16:47
Speaker 1: where people have told me, like I've had excess, tell
16:51
Speaker 1: me I don't care what you look like when you sleep.
16:52
Speaker 1: I think you know, I'm just going to sleep, and
16:55
Speaker 1: I'm not worried about you at all. And so that
16:58
Speaker 1: makes me feel like I'm into my head or they're
17:00
Speaker 1: thinking too much about myself. But as I said, there
17:04
Speaker 1: is all this entertainment we consume that talks about like
17:08
Speaker 1: watching women's sleep and it being the sexy thing. So
17:13
Speaker 1: I was always have two minds about that, and I
17:15
Speaker 1: certainly have woken up with someone. It sounds so creepy
17:21
Speaker 1: to say, but watching sleep and I felt immediately like,
17:25
Speaker 1: oh god, what do I look like? Oh no, how
17:28
Speaker 1: do I slowly shift and make this sec right? I
17:33
Speaker 1: actually had friends when we would do slum parties, and
17:36
Speaker 1: I don't know why. They just figured out that the
17:39
Speaker 1: minute they stare at me, I wake up and it
17:41
Speaker 1: would shreak them out. That that became a thing like
17:43
Speaker 1: to see if I would. Every time I would, they
17:45
Speaker 1: would scream and I'm like, why are you looking like?
17:49
Speaker 1: Because I would get so mad because it would wake
17:51
Speaker 1: me up because I could fill them staring at me
17:53
Speaker 1: and I'm like, why are you doing this? But on
17:56
Speaker 1: that level, I think it's also as you're talking about,
17:59
Speaker 1: like trying to not look weird, I think for us too.
18:02
Speaker 1: For me specifically, I know, being an orphanage, being in
18:05
Speaker 1: a very unstable area, being an open area, I'm very
18:08
Speaker 1: traumatized about sleeping because again vulnerability, but again yeah, you
18:15
Speaker 1: never know what's what is that and then waking up
18:18
Speaker 1: and then making fun of you. Yes, I think again
18:21
Speaker 1: somber parties have had a traumatic effect on people as well.
18:24
Speaker 1: The things that people do if you're the first to
18:26
Speaker 1: fall asleep. That's real. It is rude that that's always
18:31
Speaker 1: bothered me, like the pranks will play on people when
18:34
Speaker 1: they're sleeping because it's so hard to sleep and to
18:38
Speaker 1: let yourself relax and to trust people. And then it's
18:41
Speaker 1: about trust. It is about trust. Well, cheers to you, Samantha. Cheers.
18:48
Speaker 1: You can come over and I'll let you sleep freely. Yes,
18:52
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, and cheers to you listeners as
18:57
Speaker 1: well as always you would love to hear from you.
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