Latest / Reality TV Cringe / 137: Jax Taylor Still Sucks - The Valley: Welcome To The Valley (S1 E1)

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137: Jax Taylor Still Sucks - The Valley: Welcome To The Valley (S1 E1) · Reality TV Cringe

0:09
Hello, and welcome to Reality TV Cringe. I am one of your hosts,
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Delia the Redhead, and I am here with my real tight homegirl and
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a little lightning, And if so, don't worry. We're safe.
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Yeah, we're here to talk about the Valley. Yeah. Series premi Yeah,
0:41
Series premier of the Valley, Season one, episode one, Baby,
0:45
Oh my god. We're right at the beginning. We are, we're here.
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We're queer. Yeah, well she's queer. Get over it and we're
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thank you for being here with us. We appreciate it. You're one of
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the ogs. Yes, all right, let's get into the Valley season one,
2:31
episode one entitled Welcome to the Valley. But before we do, there
2:38
are a couple of pieces of gossip already, yeah, coming out about some
2:43
of the cast members. First and foremost, we have the star and the
2:46
other Star, Jacks and Brittany. Of course, Jax is from vander Pump
2:52
Rules. He's an OG. Now he's branched off into this new show in
2:57
which we're going to learn more about him and his marriage to Brittany, their
3:00
son, Cruise, their home, their life, only to discover before we
3:07
even begin that they're already separated. Oh they're already confirmed. Yeah, she's
3:12
living in a different domicile. Well, I mean I could have called it
3:15
from the ending preview of this first episode when she talks about their sex life
3:19
and shit will get to it. Yeah, I'm like, oh, snap,
3:23
Yes, they seem like an odd pair to me anyway. Well,
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Jacks just seems like a terrible person. Yeah, So anybody married to Jacks
3:30
is going to be struggling and having a hard time and is at some point
3:35
gonna throw in the towel because he's a terrible, terrible, terrible birth.
3:38
Yeah, he really is awful, and he's a hypocrite. The whole time
3:42
watching it, I'm like, you're just a butcher version of Tom Sandval Yes,
3:45
like that's literally it. Yes, they're both pieces of shit. And
3:47
at the end of vander Pump we have a confrontation between sand of aal and
3:52
Jackson. Jackson's calling sand ofbal out and I'm like, how dare you?
3:54
It's not that your points aren't germane right and salient, it's that or you
4:00
after all the years we saw you Jack's on vander pumperoules, who are you
4:03
to call out anybody for their bad behavior, much less infidelities. Yes,
4:08
when last episode of vander popperoles, Katie Maloney is like, yeah, there's
4:12
still rumors to this day of Jack still cheating on Brittany, Like, no,
4:15
wonder they're separated. I was watching the after show, I think last
4:20
week it was the VPR after show, but they had all the people from
4:23
the Valley on, and I'm like, who are these fools? I don't
4:27
care, But almost everybody in the cast of the Valley said that they had
4:30
heard those rumors about Jack's and it's just not true, Like he would never,
4:34
not ever cheat on Brittany. And I'm like, again, come on,
4:40
he did in twenty seven. Jacks would definitely cheat on Brittany. So
4:43
anyway, they're separated. Presumably we're gonna see the journey of that over the
4:47
course of this season, and I am into it. Yeah. But shockingly,
4:53
there's another couple that is also separating. Gasp, Jesse and Michelle.
4:59
Oh I called that one too. Oh my god. He looks like a
5:00
turd. I mean he for sure, she looks fed up with Yeah,
5:04
she's over him. Oh. Like, there's five seconds introducing them as new
5:10
people. I'm like, who the fuck are you? Who do why do
5:12
I care? I'm like, oh, you hate each other, y'all are
5:14
getting divorced. Yeah, And he just seems like a Peter Pan and child
5:17
hasn't grown up, doesn't want to contribute anything to the relationship in terms of
5:23
their child. Yeah, doesn't want to not drink champagne at nine fifty nine
5:27
in the morning. So he's just a big baby. Yeah. She's taking
5:30
care of everything and now she's separated from him. So there you go.
5:33
You fuck around, you're gonna find out you're gonna find out, well,
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two separations Sea and I'm into it. Yes, And obviously they are telegraphing
5:43
some of that drama as well. Yeah, in this episode. So that's
5:46
what we know about the cast. But why don't we kind of get into
5:49
it now. They we're kind of bopping around a lot to a lot of
5:53
people's houses, giving us a glimpse of kind of what they're doing and how
5:58
they're living. So I I'm just going to condense it to commentary about them,
6:02
like generally, is that okay? Yes? Starting with Jesse and Michelle,
6:05
who we just spoke about. Jesse modeled with Jack's way back in the
6:10
day when they were youngsters, I think in New York. Okay, he
6:14
and his now wife Michelle, who, by the way, is beautiful,
6:16
oh gorgeous, way more beautiful than Jesse is. Handsome. Yep, they're
6:23
both realtors. Rich sidebar, sidebar, everybody. Have you heard the news
6:29
that apparently is sending shockwaves through the realtor world. What apparently there was a
6:35
lawsuit against the Realtor's Association for their commission structuring. Like when you sell a
6:45
house, If I'm going to sell this house, I have to pay six
6:47
percent of what I get for the house in commissions to my realtor, who
6:53
then splits it with the buyer's realtor. Then there's a lot of fees,
6:57
and there's a lot of other things that go on with the buying and the
6:59
selling of homes. Well, due to this lawsuit, it's going to change
7:02
everything. They can't just automatically charge a six percent commission. In fact,
7:06
it's probably going to change. Like if you're selling homes, it's probably it's
7:11
probably going to change to something like one to one point five percent. Whoa
7:15
yeah, versus I think paying maybe a flat fee or maybe one percent to
7:21
the person who's buying, which is a bummer. You might have to put
7:25
that upfront. And the reason I mentioned this is because this is a historic
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shift and change for anybody who owns property. This is good for us overall,
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but when you look at people like Jesse Yeah and Michelle or realtors and
7:38
living in that house next to the Chateau Marmont because of appearances and such,
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it's really going to hit their bottom line, oh for sure. And I
7:46
mean I never watched like that show on Netflix's Selling Sunset. I watched a
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couple episodes but like it seemed to me when I kind of skimmed it.
7:55
They're, you know, fancy realtors, so they're selling multimillion dollar properties,
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but it's not like they sell them every day. It's like sometimes it takes
8:01
months to sell shit or years to sell these make mansions. So it's like
8:05
you're working for that three or six percent commission. But now if it's one
8:11
to two percent, I mean, that's like that's a huge cut, that's
8:15
crazy. But when you take it out of luxury real estate and you bring
8:18
it into the realm of normy real estate, maybe you're selling a house for
8:22
five hundred thousand dollars, then the commission is obviously much less, right,
8:26
and now it's going to be even less than that. So you have I
8:30
think a million and a half reeltors who just handle like one hundred and fifty
8:35
to three hundred thousand dollar properties to five hundred thousand dollar properties, and all
8:39
of those people are going to have a really hard time. Yikes. Ye.
8:41
So Jesse and Michelle, these two are realtors. They have one daughter
8:46
who might be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. At three years old,
8:50
her name is Isabella, so beautiful so cute. You know what.
8:54
It made me think, huh that idea to give you a grandkid? Yes?
8:56
Yeah? Or five? Like where my granddaughter girl? Like I say,
9:01
my baby, if I could grow sperm, I would have had five.
9:05
Now we need to make some alternate arrangements. And I'm sorry. She
9:07
was just so gorgeous. But Jesse doesn't help with anything, No, not
9:11
at all. He doesn't wake up with Isabella. Michelle has to do everything.
9:16
In fact, we see Michelle in their home doing the laundry and he's
9:20
bitching about it and critiquing it, and she's like, do you want to
9:22
do it? And he's like, absolutely not no. So he's one of
9:26
those guys. I literally could not deal with that. That is like my
9:31
single pet peeve. Like if I feel like I'm doing fucking everything, I
9:33
get pissy, I get mad, Like I don't know how Michelle even tolerates
9:37
something like that. If my spouse said no, I'd rather have you do
9:41
it, I'd be like, oh, we gonna catch it. I'm gonna
9:45
be throwing beat like I'd be so pissed, and I want to complain about
9:48
what you're doing the entire time. I want to oversee and project manage you
9:52
while I'm not contributing to it. Yeah, so he seems like a piece
9:54
of shit. It's going to be great to watch him. Yeah. Then,
9:58
kind of on the opposite end of that spectrum, we have Danny and
10:01
Nia. Now Nia just had twins. They also have a toddler that's two
10:07
years old named Asher. And Nia was a former Miss USA, which is
10:11
awesome. But I really liked Danny me too. According to Nia, like
10:16
he wakes up every single night, he takes care of all of the kids.
10:20
He's a really hands on father. He takes care of her. He's
10:24
a former child actor who was in I Carly. Yeah, did you watch
10:28
that? I did, but I was trying to remember who the fuck he
10:31
was. I'm like, you're not really memorable, dude, But it's okay.
10:33
I mean, he seemed very nice about it, and he's like,
10:35
well, now you may recognize me from voiceovering on The Walking Dead, and
10:41
I'm like, as a zombie zombiez being funny. Yeah, he's very sweet
10:46
though. He is very sweet, and I didn't know how to take him
10:48
when I was watching the after show last week for VPR, because I'm like,
10:52
who is this guy and why are you going to be on my television?
10:56
Right? But now I'm thinking he's a stand up guy and nia seems
10:58
lovely. Yes, so we'll see what happens with that. The other couple
11:01
we're introduced to is Janet and Jason, the lawyer that's right now. Janet
11:07
used to hang maybe still does hang with I want to say Sheina and was
11:15
it stossy Katie Kristen Arihanna, like she knows the girls. Okay, I
11:18
think she used to be a seamstress. Correct me if I'm wrong. I
11:22
think she used to sew stuff for them and also be their friend. She
11:26
has gone on to marry Jason, who is an attorney who is passive.
11:30
Yeah, while she says she's aggressive and Jason is foinne. Yeah. I
11:35
think he's very handsome, very handsome, very sweet. Yeah. Probably the
11:39
best man on this cast totally. And you know he makes that money corporate
11:43
defense lawyer, bitch for workers, cop and stuff. Do they Yeah,
11:48
if he's doing it for like a corporate firm, Oh girl, Oh god,
11:50
I don't yeah, so oh yeah, I'm sure. Okay, it
11:52
depends on he made money too. He did make money, but like we're
11:58
not talking about lots of lots of money, but it doesn't matter. I'm
12:00
sure Jason makes a lot of money. He's also handsome. Yeah, he's
12:03
very supportive. We see him walking around with a couple of cantelopes wrapped around
12:07
his melon and a big old flattermelon because Janet wants to give him the feeling
12:13
of being pregnant. I do love that sport. Yeah he is. He's
12:16
like, dang, this is hard. I love seeing men do that kind
12:20
of shit. Or like, do those cramp simulators? I how you like
12:22
me now? Seriously because all of them are like they wake up immediately,
12:26
especially with the cramp simulators and burst simulators. They're doing it at like level
12:30
one, like not even the full amount, and they're like, I can't
12:33
dig it? Are you kidding? I'm like you, big baby, you
12:35
don't even know. No, not at all. I had to get the
12:39
lining of my uterus burned off and cauterized because my cramps were so bad,
12:43
and I'm peace out. I'm never gonna have children again, and I do
12:46
not want to feel this ever again. Ever. I do not miss it
12:50
one bit, like you poor young ladies caculated wol. That's Simeon having you
12:54
cramps. It's so much. Yeah, I mean too, I'm fertile,
12:56
myrtle not having it every month. Oh my oh god, I had egg
13:01
is drop and just waiting, just wait, just waiting for some sperm.
13:03
We gotta get you some sperm. Now, Am I being inappropriate? No?
13:07
I don't mean to pressure you, but I do anyway, So they
13:11
seem like a nice couple. I do know that Janet is spunky, and
13:16
we see her getting into some sort of a fight with Jason when they all
13:20
go on some group trip to a lodge somewhere, and Jason's like following after
13:24
her, chasing her just like you want your mandador. Yeah. And the
13:28
last two people, and actually we have former people. We have Zach,
13:31
who is Brittany's gay best friend from Kentucky, although now I think he's the
13:35
best friend of Kristin. And then Jasmine, who I recognize from something and
13:41
I'm not sure where I've seen her. I think it's like in a movie
13:43
or on television. I know she worked for Sir, but I don't think
13:48
it's from VPR. But she looks really familiar. But anyway, there I
13:50
think, like on the periphery of the group. Okay, but we're gonna
13:54
see them over the season. And finally we have Kristin and Luke yeah hot
14:00
mess Express and guy from Colorado, Yeah Luke Colorado as Jax called him.
14:07
And we'll get into that because we're gonna start pretty early with that. But
14:09
we start this entire episode at Jack's and Britney's house. We see what it's
14:15
like to live a day in the life of the Tailor's. We've got Jack's
14:20
at the kitchen island talking about all the things he's got to do. We've
14:22
got so many cameos because everybody wants a cameo from me. And also,
14:28
of course I got the bar, it's opening up, We're busy, we've
14:31
got a podcast. I mean, I'm so successful. And then of course
14:35
Brittany, there's the shit that you do. Yeah, he's a piece of
14:39
work, dude, And Brittany is like so in denial of how much of
14:43
a piece of shit he is. I mean, maybe this season we'll see
14:46
her like come to and realize, like through talking to people talking about their
14:50
marriage problems and all that that she's like, oh, maybe I'm married to
14:52
a piece of shit. But I'm like girl, and she's like insecure,
14:56
as fuck. Yeah, I mean she's taking it out on her plast surgery.
15:00
They talk about their best friend who's a plastic surgeon, and they're so
15:03
lucky. Like, I don't think you're lucky. I think you're in a
15:09
place where everybody's getting really bad plastic surgery. I think everybody there has a
15:13
mind of virus. Yeah, I feel like you can't see clearly, like
15:16
we can see you in pritty. You're a beautiful girl. What are you
15:20
doing? She comes downstairs, she's got this big bandage around her head because
15:24
apparently she got some liposuction on a gobbler like your double chin, which is
15:30
fair. I've had LiPo section there too. I mean, I'm not going
15:33
to hate. That's fine, I guess. I just I'm wondering what her
15:37
motivation is to make these changes, because she's so beautiful, and we know
15:43
if you watched a VPR, we know that it was Jacks that convinced her
15:46
to get her boobs done. Really, and when you look at her boobs,
15:50
they're on her frame. They're overflowing, big, they're overflowing. It
15:54
looks uncomfortable. Yes, I just feel bad for her. I'm just like,
15:56
you need to stop like you're like one track, like you're on the
16:00
track to Darcy and Stacy Lamb like stop, yeah, now, please and
16:04
leave Jacks because obviously he makes her so insecure, like she wants to like
16:10
look beautiful for him, and it's like fucking with her mind, right,
16:14
I wonder, I wonder if that's what's going on. I mean, I
16:17
don't I really I think she's a lovely person and I don't want to shame
16:21
her in any way. I am just very concerned because she's been getting a
16:25
lot of botox. Those eyebrows are going higher and higher up on her head,
16:27
and I was noticing something really funky with her mouth. I know,
16:30
it's like frowning. Yeah, like her lower lip was not moving, and
16:34
like her whole mouth was moving in the direction of the lower lip lower mouth.
16:40
But I guess she addressed this actually really on the podcast that she has
16:44
with Jackson. She said that that was a direct result of the surgery that
16:48
she had because she still had some nerve damage. Oh and she's like,
16:52
for about four episodes, you're going to continue to see this happening with my
16:55
mouth, and then it starts to get better. Okay, So yeah,
16:57
it's not like something permanent that she has done to her mouth. It's a
17:00
result of the surgery. Okay, that's good, But I just want her
17:03
to stop. Yeah, please stop while you're ahead. And are you doing
17:07
it because you're trying to get your husband to be attracted to you again,
17:10
That's what I think. Why, that's what I think, because he's probably
17:12
not fucking her because he's Jax. He's again standabal two point. Oh,
17:17
he's just going to be looking for it from elsewhere. It's just sad he
17:22
already is. Yeah. Then we go over to Kristin and Luke's apartment and
17:26
they are getting ready to move out of this little apartment into a bigger apartment
17:30
so that they'll have more room and hopefully at some point they're going to have
17:33
a baby, and we'll talk about that. But I was just gooped and
17:41
gagged and flummixed when I learned that Kristin had sold her beautiful little house,
17:47
because I remember when she bought it. Oh, she purchased this beautiful little
17:51
house. She had like some T shirt printing company, She had a side
17:53
gig, she was on VPR and then she met somebody named Alex and then
17:57
he convinced her to her house and move in with him and then dumped her
18:03
seven months later, and she has no house and doesn't have an apartment.
18:07
That's what she was talking about when she's a breakup that sucks. That's horrible.
18:11
I was just like, hear at her talk about the breakup and then
18:15
seeing all the flashbacks of VPR of all the other guys that she's dated,
18:18
I'm like, girl, yeah, you need to chill out, you need
18:21
to stop. She's like on the precipice of a midlife crisis. I think,
18:26
oh precipice. I think she's already in it, deep into a midlife
18:30
yeah crisis. I think she's in the fear stage where she's like, I
18:33
need to have a kid right now, I'm ever gonna have a kid.
18:37
I need to find somebody a partner. I need to like get my life
18:40
to the next level. So she has all of this pressure that she's dealing
18:44
with. But this is not the way, you know. I mean,
18:48
Luke seems like a perfectly affable and nice guy, but he's another NPC yet
18:52
nondescript. Who are you really? And Kristin, why are you so sprung
18:56
for this guy? Are you really or are you just looking for a sperm
18:59
donor. I think she's looking for his berm donor. I mean, he
19:00
doesn't even fucking live in the state. He spends ninety nine percent of his
19:03
time in Colorado. So it's like, why do you want to be with
19:07
this guy and have a kid with him if he's not going to be around
19:08
all the time. And he's another guy who's an entrepreneur, which is what,
19:15
what does that mean? You actually do a jobless loser. He's got
19:18
seventy acres and I don't know where in Colorado he's got those acres. I'd
19:22
really love to know, because rand Junction, maybe he's got some money in
19:26
his property. But like, I don't know who you are. I don't
19:29
know why Kristin loves you. I guess we're just going to trust that Kristin
19:33
does. But the points that were being made through this episode about how Kristin
19:37
has kind of just dick hopped from one guy to the next guy to the
19:40
next guy, I feel like are valid. Yeah, it seems like it.
19:44
And I feel like she's way too intense for this guy. Oh yeah,
19:47
one thousand percent, Like he doesn't know what he got into. No
19:49
fucking her behind the bathroom and at some wedding. I'm like, two weeks
19:53
after she breaks up with this guy Alex, she fucks this guy and then
19:56
it's in a relationship with him. I'm like, that is talk. But
20:00
I feel like when I was her age at thirty nine, thirty eight,
20:04
she's forty. I know she's forty nine, but at the time that that
20:07
fucked up X told her to sell her house, I feel like at that
20:11
age I would have been like, absolutely not. I'll rent it, right,
20:15
I'll keep it as an income property. I'll make sure it's generating something
20:18
for me. But I'm not gonna sell my shit and move into your dumb,
20:22
dumpy apartment only for you to dump me seven months later. Yeah,
20:26
Like, come on, Kristin, you're smarter than that, or are you?
20:29
Well? I mean, is she Is she a drinker? Like does
20:32
she do a lot of drugs? Like? Is she so right? Everybody?
20:34
I don't think so. I mean, I know she's had cocktails.
20:37
She's just crazy, but yeah, okay, oh yeah, yeah, oh,
20:40
Christin's crazy, But I mean sometimes in a very lovable way. Yeah.
20:44
By the way, when she was with Tom Sandoval, she slept with
20:47
Jacks, who was with Stossy and it was a whole thing. It came
20:52
out Stossy hit her, Jax told the truth like, it's a whole thing,
20:56
Like she has a lot of bad behavior in her past. Got it.
21:00
And upon looking at the preview, it does feel like we're gonna see
21:03
some more bad behavior from Kristin. Okay, I'm gonna do it, Jacks,
21:08
Okay. The next scene, we've got Kristin going to sit down for
21:11
lunch with Zach and Jasmine. Yeah, what did you think of that scene?
21:17
I mean, I was like, who are these people? Why are
21:18
you here? I do not care? What are we doing? She talks
21:22
about Zach and how she stole him from uh what's her face? Bring me?
21:26
And I'm like, okay, is that gonna be a point of contention
21:30
later on? Like why is he brought up? And Zach's like talking about
21:33
how he's been there since the moment Kristen started dating Luke and he was not
21:37
for it, but now he's like, oh, I think they're good together
21:41
and she's happy, and I'm like, Okay, what kind of best friend
21:44
are you? Did he really say that? I think he said something more
21:45
along the lines of but Luke is way better than all of her other exes.
21:49
Yeah, not sucessarily that Kristin should be with him, but like,
21:52
if you're gonna do it, crazy lady, which you obviously are gonna do
21:56
it, might as well be Luke because he seems like a decent guy I
21:59
need to get I feel like, and let me take your temperature on this.
22:02
Okay, I feel like the central storyline and plot point for the whole
22:07
season is going to be Kristin. Yeah, and this baby and her relationship,
22:11
because that's what this lunch becomes. That's what every other scene becomes in
22:15
this episode. And I'm like, is that enough to carry this show?
22:19
No? I mean I'd rather see the demise of these two marriages that are
22:25
in the show rather than talk about Kristen or fucked up life because she's freaking
22:30
out about her biological clock, because she, I mean, has been fucking
22:33
a bunch of losers. Yeah, for so many years. I mean,
22:37
I'm sorry, but it's like you fuck around and find out. I mean,
22:40
I banged a lot of losers. I can't sit in judgment necessarily of
22:42
Kristin. No, but you eventually got your shit together. I mean I
22:45
was older, though I was forty three when I married my now husbands.
22:49
Yeah, I mean it took a long time for me. Sure gave my
22:52
shit together, But even before then, I was in relationships that were very
22:56
functioning, healthy, productive, and you had long relationships, yes, yeah,
23:00
which, so I feel bad for Kristen. She's sitting on the couch
23:03
in her interstitial in a dress that really doesn't look good on her, and
23:07
I feel bad for her because she's like, I'm the oldest chick in the
23:11
group. Man, Yeah, and I don't have a husband, I don't
23:15
have a baby, Like, when is it going to be my turn to
23:18
have all of these good things? Well, I mean when you work on
23:21
yourself and you realize that you're picking a bunch of losers to sleep with rather
23:25
than picking quality people that will actually want to settle down with you and have
23:30
kids, it's not that fucking hard. Yeah, but I mean it is
23:33
hard for some people. I guess. Well, I mean, do what
23:33
Laala is doing. Yeah, go to the sperm bank. Yeah, look
23:37
through the books, yep. Find the guy that has the genetic stuff and
23:41
raw materials that you want and put that right up in your You're issy,
23:45
Yeah, you're issy, and can see what child. Yeah, and raise
23:49
that child on your own. You don't need a man, or maybe she
23:52
does. I'm very curious, Like what is her money situation? Yeah,
23:57
because when she was on VPR, she was making a very pretty coin and
24:00
if I may remind you, she was fired from VPR with Stosy Schroeder because
24:06
they did some racist bullshit. Oh and I think at the time that she
24:11
was let go from VPR, she had her T shirt business, but we
24:15
hear nothing about that anymore. We also know that she had her home,
24:18
but like she sold that, So, like, what's her financial situation?
24:23
Like, it's probably bad. That's why she's on the Valley. It's probably
24:26
why she's on the Valley cringe. That's why they're giving her so much airtime
24:30
then, yeah, because she needs the money. Yeah, oh yikes,
24:33
it's gonna be good. Yeah. Interesting, I think all right after this,
24:37
Brittany and Michelle go to visit Nia in kind of an innocuous scene where
24:44
they're just talking about baby having baby fever. Yeah, the twins are so
24:48
cute. Nia again is going on about Danny, her husband, the actor
24:53
from I Carley, being a great dad and taking care of business and taking
24:59
care of her and I couldn't help but notice that they live in an apartment.
25:03
They don't live in like a single family home. It seems like,
25:07
but he's doing whatever he can to take care of his wife. And I
25:12
just say that to say, I would much rather have a Danny who's helping
25:17
me with my kids or helping me like we're doing it together, we're partners.
25:21
Yeah, and we're living in a condo and that's okay. Then a
25:22
fucking Jesse who's so concerned about how quaft his pair is that he's not willing
25:29
to do laundry or change a diaper. One thousand person I think Danny is
25:33
the number one guy in this group personally, That's what I think. That's
25:37
my vibe on him too. And he seems like he actually cares about Nia
25:40
and like values her, Like even when she was talking about like I'm cleared
25:44
for sexy time, like after just having their babies, He's like, well,
25:47
it's not sexy time, I make love. I only make love to
25:49
my wife, which is so sweet. Yeah. Yeah, I really think
25:52
like Nia's got it good out of all of the women. Well, maybe
25:56
Janet Janet with Jason. Jason is a good guy. He seems like a
26:00
far He seems super supportive, and Janet doesn't seem super crazy yet. Yeah,
26:04
but I think Nia has a good man. We also see a conversation
26:07
between the ladies where Brittany is talking about Jax's treatment of Luke, like he
26:15
doesn't like Luke when they went to Mexico for Sina's wedding, as we saw
26:21
on VPR, he didn't even talk to Luke. He pretended like Luke wasn't
26:25
even there. And I'm just like, what an asshole? I mean,
26:29
why, like, who, what authority do you have to like judge all
26:33
these people and to like think like you your opinion of these people has any
26:40
merit like at all? Like does he even like Kristin. It doesn't seem
26:44
like he likes Kristin. We're like brother and sister. Well you fucked You're
26:48
not brother and sister. Eh. And I think Janet even said something like,
26:52
yeah, that's kind of weird with your past with Kristin. But yeah,
26:55
he does it all under the guise of caring about Kristin and the choy
27:00
that she's making. But I really feel like, especially in this episode,
27:03
he's trying to platform a storyline. He's bringing it up in every single encounter
27:08
and scenario, and he's putting her on blast. So no, I don't
27:11
think he really even cares about Kristin. He doesn't care about anybody but himself
27:15
one thousand percent. And to me, like, every time he brings up
27:18
somebody else's problems or somebody else's life, I'm like, you are just trying
27:22
to take the heat off of yourself because you're a cheater and you don't want
27:26
to fuck Brittany Nomo even though she's the mother of your child and wonderful to
27:29
you and way what like, So what does everything for you? I don't
27:33
know what she sees in him? Serves up your whole life on a silver
27:37
platter, yeah, and facilitates your very existence. Like, but she's not
27:41
hot like you want her to be after she gave birth to your child.
27:45
Doesn't make it from her body and loins. This is what we're doing.
27:49
Jack's you have always been shit, yep, and you will continue to be
27:52
shit. And as we see in the episode later, we've got Kristin after
27:56
the confrontation, confrontation in Jack's kitchen and she's doing her interstitial her talking head
28:02
and she's like, so I'm supposed to take advice life advice from Jack's Taylor.
28:07
I mean lahooser. He's always been a lahooser. Yeah, yeah,
28:12
no, thank you. Yeah. And he's trying to do the same thing.
28:15
Tom Sanderbal's doing a VPR where he's like acting like he's this reformed bad
28:19
boy and he's like done a lot of healing and done a lot of inner
28:23
work and he's matured. And it's like, no, dude, just because
28:26
you have a house and a wife and a kid doesn't mean you've got any
28:30
of your shit together, right, Like true, Seriously, he's acting like
28:34
he does and he doesn't. And the rumors were, and I'll just share
28:38
them with you, the rumors were throughout VPR that he was a complete coke
28:42
fiend. Oh and I'm sorry, but I feel like he is allegedly still
28:48
a coke fiend. He's still giving cocaina vibes. Yeah, the way he
28:53
talks, his eyes, how he fucking sweats, like the manic energy that
28:57
he's given. It's that one makes coke vibes. That one makes us why
29:02
he had four of those jobs too. I'm just saying, like, oh
29:04
my god, I didn't even think about that he's probably got no fucking bridge,
29:08
no nothing. Yeah, I don't know, but he's just he's terrible,
29:11
and I see what he's doing, and I see what he's trying to
29:14
set up, and it's just gonna be chef's kiss when it stops being about
29:18
Kristen and her relationship and becomes all about Jacks and what a shitty husband he
29:22
is and how his marriage is going to fall apart. I can't wait to
29:25
see. It couldn't have happened to a nicer person. Now. Meanwhile,
29:30
across town, we have all the dudes going to some city golf place,
29:36
virtual golf. They've invited Luke, They've set him up, They've set Luke
29:40
up to be grilled, to be questioned, and it's really uncomfortable. Jesse
29:45
tells us at this time that Jack's just doesn't like Luke. When Luke watbingson,
29:51
he asks, Jack's like, am I still blocked? And Jack's like,
29:56
what did I block you? I didn't even know if I blocked you?
29:57
You know you blocked him, Jack? Yeah, you know. He's
30:00
like, well, why don't you go check and see if you're still blocked?
30:03
And then I'll do my best to try and reverse that, I'm like,
30:06
oh, shot, Like, let's all kiss the ring of Jax Taylor.
30:10
You're basically motherfucking thank you. They get into a conversation with Luke,
30:14
like what are your plans? Are you planning to leave Colorado where you spend
30:18
ninety nine percent of your time to come here hang out with Kristin And he's
30:22
like, yeah, we're gonna spend the summer together so I can be on
30:26
the show and I can fake date Kristin. Yeah, and pretend to want
30:30
to impregnate her. Yeah. Absolutely, money I'm going to do that.
30:33
Yeah, make some money because I don't have a job. Because he's broken
30:37
Colorado. He's kind of weird. I mean, he has a little I
30:40
don't think he's like got bad vibes or anything. He's just kind of like
30:44
an outcast to this whole group of you did see pretentious, snobby pa.
30:49
He's not the same as these people, not at all. Jax doesn't know
30:52
his last name. He calls him Luke Colorado, and then at some point
30:56
he's just like, well have you thought this through though, bro? Like,
31:00
it's not just like having a kid, you have to have health insurance?
31:03
What about a car seat? Like what about your life. Your life
31:06
is gonna totally change and looks like Jesus Christ. Well, first of all,
31:10
I love Kristen. This is what we want to do. We just
31:11
want to bring a child into the world and give that child a great life.
31:15
And then Jesse with fucking hair is just like, yeah, well you
31:18
know, expectations, it's not reality. Once a child comes into the This
31:23
is him talking about himself. He's totally telling on himself. Once a child
31:27
comes into the equation, it changes everything and is never the same again.
31:32
Michelle is lost to be my own wife, who I loved and who had
31:36
the perfect body. Once she gave birth to Isabella, she's dead to me.
31:41
These kinds of men, I like, you are literally gonna be forever
31:45
alone because you can't get out of this twelve year old mentality that, oh
31:49
my god, my wife has stretch marks. She's fucking ugly and wasted forever
31:55
because she had her kid. Right like, a real man looks at a
31:59
wife, hello, the mother of his childhood, is like, wow,
32:01
you are literally amazing. You are a divine god being like you gave birth
32:07
for a party of the divine life. Worship for your body. Let me
32:10
kiss your stretch marks. Thank you for doing all the work, baby.
32:14
Yes, that is a real man, and all these bitch babies Jacks included,
32:17
because I'm sure he probably doesn't want to fuck U Brittany, because her
32:21
body has changed, Oh god forbid, she has. She looks a little
32:24
bit different than what you dated before. But even then, I'm like,
32:28
if you cheated on her back in twenty seventeen, I mean, you've never
32:31
been really attracted to her. No, And let's talk about Britney's culpability here,
32:37
Okay, Like, Brittany, are you really shocked that the guy who
32:40
Jacks was is now the guy who JACKX is? Right? Like, did
32:45
we really think, Brittany, that Jacks was going to change that much?
32:47
Like? How much responsibility is on you for saying yes to this guy,
32:52
for wanting to be on VPR so badly that you move from Kentucky, that
32:54
you chase Jacks in the first place. Now, she coordinated in order to
33:00
meet Jacks because she wanted to meet with him, and ultimately, I believe,
33:02
get on this show, and so you arranged all of this. How
33:07
much if that is on him, and how much of that is on you?
33:09
I mean, is that fair? To ask. No, that's totally
33:12
fair. That's why I said earlier, like she's fucking delusional, like she's
33:15
thinking that he's a way better person than what he actually is. And I
33:19
don't understand, Like is he really that manipulative that you are under this spell
33:22
under him that you just want to believe it's good because you have the house
33:27
and you have the white picket fence, and you have the appearance that everything
33:30
is fine even though he's not fucking you and he doesn't care about you and
33:34
he treats you like ask and talks about you to his friends. Yes,
33:37
but were you what sapping to me about how Jax took a picture of Brittany
33:40
from behind or whatever where she looked all fat, And yes, she was
33:44
pregnant with Cruz, so it would have been a while ago. Obviously she
33:47
was really heavy with child. They were over some lookout somewhere and he was
33:52
probably about ten to twenty feet behind her, took a picture from her from
33:57
behind and posted it and it was very, very unflattering. And at the
34:00
time, I remember being on the subreddits and people are just calling him a
34:04
piece of shit because they know why he's doing it. He's doing it to
34:07
shame her. He's doing it because she's gonna see it and she's gonna feel
34:10
bad, and she was pregnant at the time. That's that's what Jack is.
34:15
That is wild to be. I literally, when I want to post
34:19
a picture of your daughter, I'm always like, do I have your approval
34:22
to post this? Of course? I thank you. Always want her to
34:23
be like in the best light and feel comfortable, Like I don't want to
34:25
post something where she feels like she looks bad, right of course? Like
34:29
who fuck it does that? Who posts an unflattering angle of your spouse of
34:32
your spouse? I mean, that is fucked up, dude. He's the
34:36
kind of guy who would do that to incentivize her to lose weight after she
34:38
gives birth to the child. Yeah, you're totally right. All right.
34:42
After this, we have Brittany and Jack's going over to Janet and Jason's is
34:49
very hot in the valley, apparently because everybody keeps mentioning it. Jax's sweating
34:53
orange in his armpits his spray tand he's so gross. Bridge. I mean,
35:00
I want to ask you. I know you're leal, Yeah, but
35:02
you have eyes and you can tell if somebody's attractive. Do you think Jax
35:07
Taylor is attractive? No, But like I have an eye for people who
35:12
are assholes, Like I have known so many girls, like one of my
35:15
best friends, like back in the day, super Turbo straight. Her and
35:21
I used to talk about men all the time, and I'd be like,
35:23
why are you into these douchebags? Like she would always go after the guys
35:28
who were like stereotypically hot, but I knew they were pieces of shit.
35:31
Like it's always those ones. Yeah, it's always the guys who like Peek
35:35
in high school, who think they're like so hot because they get all of
35:37
the girls to make out with them behind the bleachers, But then they're forty
35:40
year old losers like Jack's who constantly cheat on everybody and then they end up
35:44
forever alone and high on coke. Yeah. I remember thinking Jack's was handsome
35:47
in the early seasons of VPR. I thought like, oh, yeah,
35:51
he's kind of a stud and kind of like stand all, yeah, I
35:52
can kind of dig it. Well, he's very pretty boy for me.
35:55
Yeah, like Jack's is much less that, But there's nothing left of that
36:00
in terms of attraction for me. There's really nothing left and I don't know
36:04
that it's because of his personality and how terrible is he is. I just
36:07
think his body is starting to show up in the world according to his spirit,
36:12
and I couldn't be more grateful. Yeah, that's the right thing to
36:15
happen, because he's just a fucking piece of shit. So he goes over
36:17
to Jen in Jason's house, and he does it solely to start talking shit
36:22
about Kristin. And I love Jason here because to the camera he's like,
36:25
I like Kristin. Yeah, I think she's going to be a great mom.
36:30
She's a kind person, she's a good Person's always been really great to
36:32
me, and I can't wait for her to be a mom. That's a
36:35
good friend. Yeah. Meanwhile, Jackson's just talking shit about this girl that's
36:38
supposed to be as close to him as a sister. R his writer die,
36:42
I mean, okay, whatever. Yeah, And I think the big
36:45
thing here that we got out of this scene was Jack's revealing that Kristin is
36:52
being indiscriminate. I guess about who she's willing to have a baby with,
36:54
because Kristin is trying to make it out to be the fact that she's with
36:59
Luke and it's time to be behind her decision to have a child, whereas
37:04
Jaxson's like, that's not true. When she was with Alex, she wanted
37:07
to get pregnant. Like one week before she broke up with Alex, she
37:10
was talking about, I want to get pregnant with Alex. So it's not
37:13
about the man, it's not about the family, it's about the child.
37:16
And I'm like, so what, who cares? She wants to be matter,
37:21
there's nothing wrong with wanting a baby, And isn't that like a normal
37:24
girl thing to do. Like when you're in a serious relationship with somebody,
37:28
you always like think about wanting to have kids with them. I mean most
37:30
of the time, you know, unless you're like Ariana with Sandoval, where
37:34
you're like, I don't really want to have kids with you because you're a
37:37
douchebag. But now she wants to have kids with her new boyfriend Dan or
37:39
she's thinking about it. So it's like most of the time, most girls
37:42
are gonna be thinking about that anytime they're with somebody, sure, of course,
37:45
but I mean even if she's just going to be with Luke in order
37:51
to facilitate her getting pregnant and have a child. That's her right to do
37:54
that. Why are you so hell bent on questioning her every move in regard
37:59
to her reproduction? Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? He's
38:02
taking the heat off of himself. I'm telling you, he's trying to make
38:06
all these storylines about everybody else to distract from the fact that his life is
38:10
gonna crumble. Well, then we get to the final scene where we have
38:15
Brittany and Jack's, but we're really Brittany, Yeah, who is coordinating and
38:19
throwing a birthday party for Janet. And it's a fair themed birthday party because
38:24
Brittany's from Kentucky and Janet's from Ohio and they both love the county fairs.
38:30
So she's got like elephant ears and she's quiet games corn dogs, and she's
38:35
really done a great job. Yeah, Jax does not deserve a woman like.
38:38
No, she's a good lady. Yeah, she would make somebody so
38:42
happy who would actually value her and actually be loyal to her. Poor girl,
38:46
And she's doing it all by herself, and she's asking Jax to help,
38:50
and he's just like, I've got stuff to do. I haven't even
38:52
eaten yet. Just blow up the corn dog. You be it seriously,
38:57
and so he ends up doing that. We have people arriving and there was
39:01
a lot going on in this particular birthday party. What did you think?
39:06
Yeah, there was a lot. Lala and Sheena show up, and I
39:07
was like, why is Sheena on my television? Well, the rumor is
39:12
that both Lalla and Sheena want to defect away from VPR and become cast members
39:16
of the Valley because they live in the Valley. They two have children like
39:22
Jacks and all these other people, and so they're feeling like they're a better
39:25
fit for the Valley instead of VPR. But they're waiting for season one to
39:30
see how the ratings do, whether it's going to be brought back before they
39:34
make the jump on over. That is actually interesting because I was thinking this
39:38
whole episode when you were talking about this last week, like how this is
39:42
VPR adjacent. I'm like, it totally is. It's like the quote grown
39:45
up, mature version of VPR, even though it's not really that, Like
39:49
it's all a bunch of forty year olds who have kids who are still pieces
39:52
of shit right right right, Well, for the most part, I mean,
39:54
some of these new couples seem like they actually have their shit to get.
39:57
Yes, but yeah, that would be actually interesting to see Lala and
40:00
she's on here. Yeah, in a different context, like in the suburbs,
40:04
like with their families. I think it would be interesting. Yeah,
40:07
we'll see what happens. So there are a few things I think of note
40:09
that happened at the party. First and foremost, we have the big conversation
40:15
in the kitchen about Kristen's reproductive rights. We have the tattoo situation where Kristin
40:22
is trying to cut into line ahead of Jesse. Yeah. We have the
40:25
pansing of Danny. Yeah, so which do you want to tackle first?
40:30
Because I have thoughts about it all. Well, let's do the Christa conversation.
40:32
Let's get over with about her reproductive rights. Okay, So Jack's being
40:37
the bitch boy that he is, is talking to dudes in the kitchen about
40:42
Kristin again. Yeah, we're wanting to have a baby and he's so concerned
40:45
about bringing a child and to a situation that's not stable because Kristen's not stable.
40:50
Then we have Lala and Sheena on the periphery, and Lala's like,
40:53
it's really fucking weird that we have a bunch of dudes talking about motherhood.
40:59
Yeah for Kristen. So she's like, let me go get Kristin, and
41:01
she does, Yeah, brings Kristin back, and then they have the conversation,
41:06
which essentially is the same thing we've heard all along, yeah, with
41:09
Jack saying, oh, I'm glad you hear Kristin wasn't talking shit or anything.
41:14
I meant to say this to your face, but like, while you're
41:15
here, let me just say I'm really fucking concerned that you're so excited to
41:20
bring a child into this world and you're not prepared for what's gonna actually happen.
41:24
Long story short, Kristin basically says like, dude, just be my
41:29
friend, right, why do you care? And Jack's like, well,
41:31
I'm the kind of friend who's gonna tell it to you tough love, Okay,
41:36
I'm gonna tell it to you till it hurts, so you know how
41:37
I feel. And She's just like, that's not a friend, no,
41:40
Like, I just want you to support me and be there for me.
41:44
You say you're my brother, Like act like my brother and support me.
41:46
Yeah, but he doesn't know how to do that. He's never known how
41:50
to do that. No. He seems like he's very brash and he just
41:52
wants to tell people how it is, even though his opinion doesn't mean shit.
41:55
And I'm just like watching this scene thinking like, okay, Jack,
42:00
do you want to have a comment about her bringing in a child in the
42:02
world when she's saying she's in love with this guy and this guy wants to
42:07
bring a child in the world with her while you have a child with a
42:10
chick that you don't love, you're gonna inevitably get divorced, which is going
42:14
to fuck up that child also, and now you're gonna be like a partial,
42:17
you know, custody type of thing with your kid. Like shut the
42:21
fuck up, right, Like you're trying to judge her for potentially getting into
42:24
a scenario that you're already in and fucking up. Yeah, talk to yourself,
42:29
serious fucking journal like Tom Sandeval, but maybe you'll come into some insights
42:31
you. I can't stand it, and so Kristin actually starts crying. Yeah,
42:36
I felt bad. All of these people are standing around and she feels
42:39
bad and she's just trying to have a baby. And earlier in the episode,
42:43
Brittany's like she's entitled to have a child. Let her do it?
42:47
Like, why are we bugging about this? Right? Did he get fired
42:52
from VPR two or did he just leave? No, he did, he
42:54
was let go. He was not fired at the same time as Stossi and
42:59
Kristin, although he was involved in the same incident. I believe he was
43:04
involved, but it was really fucked up that they only fired the women and
43:08
not Jack's and so like a year later, correct me if I'm wrong.
43:12
It's all kind of fuzzy everybody. But about a year later they let him
43:15
go. Oh so he's a loser. Oh he's washed out. No,
43:17
he's an asshole, got it, been an asshole. But Bravo doesn't care
43:21
if you're an asshole if you bring in ratings. I mean that's fair,
43:23
which is why they gave him a whole another show. Yeah, of course,
43:27
why not. They're like, let's see you make a fool of yourself.
43:30
I mean, his life is imploding on this season. I'm sure,
43:32
I hope, so I can't wait to see it. We also see a
43:36
very cringey scene where Jesse, again the quaft dude who is married to Michelle,
43:43
is standing in line to get a tattoo and Kristin wants to cut,
43:45
and she's like, I've been standing here for so long, and he's like,
43:49
no, I'm not gonna let you cut. And then Kristen reaches over
43:52
and like grabs his nipple. Yes, I forgot about this, and like
43:55
titty whistles him and he's like, don't do that. And then he reaches
43:59
over and does it to her and she's like what the fuck, Like I
44:01
don't even know this rando, right, and I'm like, what do you
44:07
what are you talking about, Kristen. Yeah, you don't get to put
44:09
your hands on somebody's body, on their nipples, which I'm sorry, there's
44:15
sexual connotation that goes along with that, whether you're a man or a woman,
44:17
and squeeze it and then act like you're so shocked and aghast when he
44:22
does the same thing to you and call him out for it, like give
44:23
me a fucking break. I mean, that's a very fair point, Like
44:27
don't do it in the first place. It's not different because you're a woman,
44:30
right exactly, It's not appropriate in either case. Yeah, and she
44:35
tells the camera something like, well, we all just put up with Jesse
44:37
because we love Michelle. Okay, Oh my God, did you see the
44:40
other thing with Jesse. He's standing there with Lalla and he's standing there with
44:45
his wife and he's trying to pick out the font for his tattoo and he
44:52
refers to Lalla as his mistress. He's like, I'll just let my mistress
44:55
make the decision for me. And he's like, oh, I'm sorry,
44:58
that's not cultured. I mean my side piece, I know. And she's
45:00
like, okay, not like I haven't been called that before, right,
45:04
He's a weirdo and his wife is looking at him like he's absolutely trash for
45:09
that. Yeah, Like read the room, Jesse, what are you talking
45:12
about? And don't you know what's happening with La La and all the things
45:15
that are being said about Lawla at this time and what she's really sensitive about
45:19
and you're gonna call her a mistress which is kind of funny. Yeah,
45:22
I mean that was really fucking weird. Anyway. Finally we get to Nia
45:27
and Danny again. These are the ones that are normal people. Probably won't
45:30
last long on the show, please not. They're getting ready to go because
45:34
they've got nine thousand children. They made an appearance and Jack's approaches from behind
45:38
high Cooke because Danny and Nia are taking a picture and he pants is Danny,
45:45
and Danny's not wearing an underwear, y'all, and so his danglike just
45:49
hanging and hanging out. Yeah, I wish we could have saw it.
45:52
I'd like to see how I think it was a nubben. I don't think
45:54
anything was hanging personally, Oh my god, we were dealing with a button,
45:58
a nubbin. Maybe he's a grower, not a shower. I's don't
46:01
be so fucking judge. I mean, Nia, miss Usa seems to like
46:05
it. She does seem to like it, but after he gets pansed,
46:08
Nia like gets really upset by it, and she goes and cries. But
46:12
I mean, granted, she says, pans to your wife and we saw
46:15
her Agene, Oh, I mean, I'd be super pissed. You'd be
46:17
fighting. I wouldn't be crying, but she's like fighting, I would be
46:21
fighting. I'd be really mad. But she goes and cries, and she
46:23
says, like in her talking head, She's like, I mean, I
46:25
just had a kid, like eight weeks ago or whatever, Like my emotions
46:30
are all over the place, and I'm over Jack's because he's a piece of
46:32
shit and I wanted to go and it was hot, like there was a
46:35
lot going on, right, But she goes into the room and she cries
46:37
about it with the girls, and then Brittany comes over to ultimately apologize for
46:40
Jack's being a fucking piece, which I feel like she probably does a lot,
46:44
oh one thousand percent, and she's like trying to make light of it,
46:46
but it's not working, and so she's like, I'm sorry that he
46:50
did that, and then Jack's comes in eventually he's like, yeah, I'm
46:52
sorry I pissed your husband. Okay, bye, let me go eat a
46:55
corn hug like this guy, this terribb guy. We also need to talk
47:00
about the conversation that Jack's had with Jesse, in which Jesse says like,
47:05
yeah, it's been a really bad twenty four hours for Michelle and I,
47:09
oh yeah, and we're not doing so great. And Jack's like, well,
47:14
you're not talking about separation, are you, And he's like, Jesse's
47:17
like, well she's mentioned it. Yeah, she's actually brought up divorce.
47:22
And Jack's like geez big yikes. Yeah, I'm like, well it's inevitable,
47:27
dude, Jesse, you suck, You don't do anything, and I
47:30
was heartened to hear that it was Michelle that's initiating a separation and not Jesse,
47:36
because he's dump this full. Then we move on to previews. Yeah,
47:43
we have Christen's infertility or fertility journey. Not in fertility, my god,
47:47
I'm sorry. She's going and checking out her eggs and apparently she's got
47:51
a lot of eggs for forty years old. We love that for her.
47:53
We see Jack's opening his bar and Schwartz is there saying, well, soon
47:58
you'll be living with me, and maybe so, I mean, he's predicting
48:02
it. They're getting divorced. Jack's gonna probably end up in the same apartment
48:06
building as probably rest of them hoes. We see Brittany talking to Jack's about
48:10
how she wants another child. She's crying, yeah, and he's just like,
48:15
oh, stop crying, I don't and she's like, I can't even
48:17
have emotions and he's like, no, you cannot, No, you cannot
48:21
with a straight face. I'm like, oh, maya God. We have
48:25
Brittany telling folks that they don't have sex. We have the rumors about Jack's
48:31
cheating, which kind of dovetail into this weird little scene with Michelle and Jack's
48:37
talking to her about sending dirty pictures or sexy pictures? Was that what that
48:43
was about? Like he's saying that Michelle was sending dirty pictures. I think
48:46
the producers are trying to fake us out, okay, and maybe get us
48:50
to believe that Jacks and Michelle have got something going on. I think it's
48:52
something different. I think by the time we get there, it'll probably be
48:55
a nothing burger and or Michelle has been sending nudes to some but it's not
49:00
Jack's. She would never send it to Jack. She's way too high class
49:02
for Jack sex. We see Janet and Jason fight at the lodge. We
49:07
see Jess Jason chasing after Janet as he should. Yeah, and then we
49:12
see Brittany screaming at Jack's at the lodge, saying, you're talking shit about
49:19
me and trying to make me out to be a bad person. Oh my
49:22
god, I want to see that fight. We end the preview at some
49:25
hotel or something in a hallway. Kristin is fighting with Michelle, Yeah,
49:30
and Michelle is screaming about something and then Kristen's like, your husband talks about
49:36
divorcing you on camera all the time, bitch, bitch, and then she
49:42
gets really frustrated. Kristen is like starts crying. She's like, I would
49:46
rather deal with all of this shit on vanderpupp Roles, Like I'd rather be
49:51
if I wanted to sign up for this shit, I'd rather be on VPR.
49:53
I mean, of course you were making a lot more money, yes,
49:55
but this is where we are, and we're all here together in the
49:59
dumpster, yeah, enjoying ourselves. So overall thoughts, now that we conclude,
50:04
what did you think about the valley? Do you think it has promise?
50:07
Are you excited to continue? Yeah? I think there's some you know,
50:09
interesting dynamics that are going to be at play, like underneath all of
50:15
the you know, produced narratives and stuff that Jacks is trying to force down
50:20
our throats. So I think there's gonna be some interesting stuff. I want
50:22
to see some fighting, yeah, I want to see some conflict. I
50:24
want to see some breaking up. I think you're going to see it.
50:27
I want it. Yeah, give me all that trash. One thing I
50:30
can tell you about Jacks is he cannot keep it together. I mean I
50:34
think he's going to try to pretend that he's this patriarch of the entire group,
50:39
like he's the number one guy, but his life is currently falling apart.
50:43
Yeah, and he's not going to be able to keep his shit together,
50:45
which means he's going to explode a lot. There's going to be a
50:49
lot of drama. And I live, I love it, and I breathe.
50:52
This is the kind of reality TV I love to see. Well,
50:54
good, I'm glad we're here. Yeah together, all right. On that
50:58
note, is there anything else that we need to say to these beautiful raccoons
51:01
Beatrice, Well, if you love our podcast, you better get on to
51:06
your favorite podcast latform and leaving us a glowing five star review. Make sure
51:12
it's nice talk about how pretty we are, oh my god, and how
51:15
pretty we are. Please and thank you, thank you very much. We
51:17
will be back later, actually very soon, to talk about the latest episode
51:22
of vander Pomp Rules, And until then, never forget that we have nothing
51:28
but love for you. And please, oh my home, my home,