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Condescending Canadian Poutine · I Hate Talking

0:29
I Hate Talking: Welcome to episode 31 of I Hate Talking.
0:32
I Hate Talking: Hi everyone.
0:34
I Hate Talking: So it is interesting that we had the intent to number all of our episodes, and now we're indeed forgetting our own episode numbers, so maybe.
0:43
I Hate Talking: It's not necessary anymore.
0:45
I Hate Talking: It's, it may be time to stop referring to the episodes in numerical order actually in the intro.
0:52
I Hate Talking: Oh man, now we have to start thinking about a different intro though.
0:55
I Hate Talking: Perhaps, or maybe our listeners will let us know that they enjoy being reminded of what number episode we're on.
1:01
I Hate Talking: Maybe.
1:01
I Hate Talking: So today's word or phrase comes from our friends at another podcast called SIPs Suds and Smokes, and uh good old boy Mike requested that we talk about the etymology of poutine.
1:18
I Hate Talking: Yes, I can't wait.
1:20
I Hate Talking: I did not look it up.
1:22
I Hate Talking: He made me promise not to Google it or search it beforehand.
1:26
I Hate Talking: So it was great meeting him and talking to him, and so I can't wait to hear what it's about.
1:32
I Hate Talking: And likewise, I also did not do any research on this particular word, uh, just to see what we can perhaps come up with from our own recollections of what this is and maybe, uh, what its history is.
1:46
I Hate Talking: So normally we would do a little bit of research ahead of time and make sure that we have our word or phrase sort of.
1:52
I Hate Talking: Researched and documented before we start an episode, but this one's a little bit different.
1:56
I Hate Talking: So what is your guess or perhaps based on some memory, what is poutine?
2:04
I Hate Talking: OK.
2:05
I Hate Talking: So, as we were chatting with him one evening, We were explaining our podcast, and he was talking about his podcast, and he just instantly said, do you know what poutine is?
2:21
I Hate Talking: And I feel like I even had to clarify cause I didn't.
2:25
I Hate Talking: Know if I heard him right.
2:27
I Hate Talking: So honestly, I have no clue.
2:29
I Hate Talking: By the phrase, I was impressed he pulled it out so quickly.
2:33
I Hate Talking: He knew that word.
2:34
I Hate Talking: Well, it did relate to the conversation at the table, and I guess that is something that perhaps I picked up on that you did not because we may have been conversing with other people like actually in the moment, but I was listening to what -- the other side of the table was talking about -- as well.
2:50
I Hate Talking: Yeah, because we, I mean we were sitting beside each other, but a lot of the time I was talking to my right and you were talking to the left.
2:56
I Hate Talking: And I do, that makes sense, because we were kind of in and out of that conversation, and I was talking to somebody else.
3:04
I Hate Talking: So, um, That would make sense that there's context.
3:09
I Hate Talking: I just heard him say, hey, tell me what this word means.
3:12
I Hate Talking: I was like, oh, -- I don't -- know.
3:13
I Hate Talking: I see.
3:14
I Hate Talking: So yes, to your perspective, it came out of nowhere, but it actually was part of the thread of conversation.
3:19
I Hate Talking: OK, OK.
3:21
I Hate Talking: So what was the thread of the conversation that y'all were having?
3:24
I Hate Talking: Well, I will give you some pieces of the thread of the conversation because maybe it will be helpful in giving the definition and etymology of the word poutine.
3:33
I Hate Talking: Uh, they were talking about Canadians and some Canadian cultural type things.
3:39
I Hate Talking: OK, I do remember them talking about Canada.
3:43
I Hate Talking: We talked about Uh, I can tell you later a story too.
3:47
I Hate Talking: I shared the story at the table of how I humiliated you when we were in Canada one time.
3:52
I Hate Talking: So having Canada as context, is it a kind of like hors d'oeuvres or like maybe a kind of appetizer?
4:02
I Hate Talking: So you're on the right track and I think given that, perhaps I can take over and give some perhaps guesses in terms of what I think it is.
4:11
I Hate Talking: So it definitely is a food.
4:13
I Hate Talking: I know that for 100% that it is some kind of dish.
4:17
I Hate Talking: It is potato-based, would sort of be what we would call in America french fries, but not like shoestring french fries.
4:26
I Hate Talking: I would sort of picture.
4:27
I Hate Talking: More almost steak fries or like a thick cut french fry like maybe in Five Guys style or Even perhaps like a size and shape of what you would get at buffalo wild wings for their wedges, um, in terms of just the the size and shape of the potato.
4:47
I Hate Talking: Uh, I guess they might call those chips in the UK, the UK version, uh, rather than fries.
4:56
I Hate Talking: Uh, but nonetheless, that would be sort of the base.
5:00
I Hate Talking: There's some kind of cheese or dairy product associated with it, and I think there's some kind of sauce as well.
5:07
I Hate Talking: And maybe.
5:08
I Hate Talking: Garlic.
5:10
I Hate Talking: So that's sort of what I would picture when I think of poutine.
5:15
I Hate Talking: OK, well, all those sound amazing.
5:17
I Hate Talking: I love all those ingredients together.
5:19
I Hate Talking: And then I believe the etymology, if I had to guess, would probably be something French, uh, because of the spelling being a PO U T uh root word there sounds French.
5:36
I Hate Talking: It also would make sense in terms of like French Canadian that perhaps that would be part of their.
5:41
I Hate Talking: Historical culture.
5:43
I Hate Talking: Right, yeah.
5:43
I Hate Talking: All right, so we'll also turn first to our desk references that we referred to last time our Little and Ives reference dictionary and our 1828 Merriam-Webster's dictionary.
5:59
I Hate Talking: I suspect that it will not be in either of those dictionaries, but we'll find out.
6:05
I Hate Talking: Right, yeah, and especially if it comes from French Canadian, it would make sense if that wouldn't be in these books.
6:12
I Hate Talking: Are you even gonna look up the Stron's accordance?
6:15
I Hate Talking: -- Probably -- not.
6:16
I Hate Talking: No, I think we can quite, uh, certainly skip the Strons concordance.
6:21
I Hate Talking: Jesus didn't eat that.
6:23
I Hate Talking: I don't know, would it be kosher?
6:26
I Hate Talking: Um, I don't, oh, now I'm way over my head.
6:30
I Hate Talking: I have no idea.
6:32
I Hate Talking: There's dairy.
6:33
I Hate Talking: I think dairy can be mixed.
6:35
I Hate Talking: I mean, there's no meat, you said.
6:36
I Hate Talking: Not that I'm aware of, no.
6:38
I Hate Talking: Oh, but if you sprinkled some bacon on top too, that sounds amazing, and then definitely not kosher.
6:45
I Hate Talking: That is true.
6:46
I Hate Talking: So, in our first reference book here, the Little and Ives, Webster Dictionary, and Home Reference library, the entry poutine does not exist as suspected.
6:58
I Hate Talking: OK, yeah.
6:59
I Hate Talking: And then if it's not in that, I'm sure it's not going to be in the 1828 version, but we'll we'll check nonetheless.
7:05
I Hate Talking: And as expected, it does not exist as an entry in the American Dictionary of the English Language, No Webster, 1828, 1st edition facsimile.
7:17
I Hate Talking: OK.
7:18
I Hate Talking: So now I have to go to the good old Google, huh?
7:21
I Hate Talking: I do believe that is our next step, so we will.
7:25
I Hate Talking: Look there and see what we can find.
7:28
I Hate Talking: All right, so with just typing in poutine into Google, the Google overview gives the following.
7:37
I Hate Talking: Poutine is a Canadian dish of French fries, cheese curds, and gravy.
7:42
I Hate Talking: Oh, I like your cheese sauce.
7:45
I Hate Talking: Yeah, that sounds more appetizing and maybe that's what I had perhaps put in my own expectations and desires into that definition.
7:53
I Hate Talking: Velveeta, melted Velveeta on top is what I was picturing and wanting.
7:58
I Hate Talking: I highly doubt Canadians Velveeta.
8:00
I Hate Talking: Uh, it originated in Quebec in the 1950s and has become a symbol of Canadian cuisine and culture.
8:07
I Hate Talking: That's typically a popular bar snack, and it has gained global popularity in recent decades.
8:14
I Hate Talking: And it can be topped with many different ingredients including various vegetables, bacon, chili, and pulled pork.
8:21
I Hate Talking: OK, so not kosher.
8:23
I Hate Talking: I not with the, uh, the toppings, and I guess it depends on the exact ingredients of the gravy, perhaps if uh it would be kosher with the standalone as those three particular things.
8:36
I Hate Talking: Hm.
8:36
I Hate Talking: What do you think of gravy on potatoes?
8:41
I Hate Talking: Have you ever had that?
8:41
I Hate Talking: I think most people, OK, well, yes, on mashed potatoes during Thanksgiving, yes, yes, OK, that's not a novel concept.
8:54
I Hate Talking: I can picture that.
8:55
I Hate Talking: I was picturing French fries.
8:56
I Hate Talking: This is more like a wedge or fry, right?
8:59
I Hate Talking: Yeah, it says French fry, I guess perhaps Google's serving up results that I am going to understand as an American, but uh yeah, some sort of fried potato.
9:11
I Hate Talking: I think I have had poutine before, perhaps now that I'm thinking of this one time.
9:16
I Hate Talking: But it would not be a normal occurrence for me to consume gravy on top of this style of fried potato.
9:24
I Hate Talking: Interesting.
9:25
I Hate Talking: Well, poutine, we can try it sometime.
9:28
I Hate Talking: Did they mention this after I shared my Canadian story with them, or was this beforehand?
9:34
I Hate Talking: I don't remember the exact sequence of events.
9:36
I Hate Talking: It was, I think, because they wanted to know the etymology of poutine.
9:40
I Hate Talking: So, uh, there's actually quite a lot of different theories.
9:45
I Hate Talking: It is.
9:46
I Hate Talking: Have a lot of potential relationship to regional French languages in that area of Canada, where it may have been related to the word.
9:59
I Hate Talking: Poin, which is the word for pate, so sort of the way that it would be prepared, and potete.
10:08
I Hate Talking: No idea if I'm pronouncing that correct, but that would be sort of their word for potato.
10:13
I Hate Talking: And it also could be related to the English or even Quebec slang where it comes from a word pudding or a word that means mess, and that would be sort of the source of -- the particular word -- for essentially like a potato mess, potato mess, yes.
10:36
I Hate Talking: Though the particular source words are not actually listed in These theories.
10:43
I Hate Talking: So not sure what actual words were perhaps predecessors to that, but um.
10:50
I Hate Talking: The Oxford language actually has a definition here that says it's from the French pudding, and then came to be used in Canadian French for that pudding or masses like the literal translation of that word.
11:06
I Hate Talking: OK.
11:06
I Hate Talking: And then I don't believe cheese curds were the form of dairy that you had in mind either when uh we were talking about the particular sauce that I had in my mind describing this definition of this word.
11:20
I Hate Talking: No, I was definitely thinking more of like a queso, like I said, a Velveeta.
11:25
I Hate Talking: That was, that's what I wanted.
11:27
I Hate Talking: In my head, I was picturing like potato wedges with some Velveeta and some white queso.
11:34
I Hate Talking: sprinkled on top, maybe some tomatoes and bacon, and then I was like, oh, I want that to eat right now.
11:41
I Hate Talking: So, perhaps we can talk about the times that we have consumed Canadian fare and perhaps some of the embarrassing situations.
11:52
I Hate Talking: I guess it's not as bad as if you had asked for American cheese.
11:56
I Hate Talking: On a burger or something like that because we would want to make sure that we, uh, only ask for cheddar or Swiss and, uh, when you're in Canada, don't, don't ask for American cheese, so.
12:10
I Hate Talking: Thanks, uh, good old Mike for the, uh, suggestion.
12:13
I Hate Talking: Maybe we can throw one back to you and, uh, someday you can do a review of Elsie Marshall, Shotgun Granny, whiskey.
12:21
I Hate Talking: Uh, that's what I'm sipping on at this particular juncture, but I'll turn it over to you for relating your particular story about your Canadian experience.
12:32
I Hate Talking: So, for a while in our early years married, you were working up in Canada.
12:39
I Hate Talking: And you'd spend the week there or whatnot, and then you, you'd come home for the weekend and you'd go back.
12:45
I Hate Talking: One time I got off work and I went and visited you for the whole week.
12:51
I Hate Talking: And it was my first real time in Canada, meeting your co-workers and experiencing everything there.
13:00
I Hate Talking: It's beautiful.
13:01
I Hate Talking: It was up in Vancouver and it was lovely.
13:04
I Hate Talking: And one time we were at a really nice restaurant.
13:07
I Hate Talking: And I asked for French fries.
13:10
I Hate Talking: And then I asked for a ranch, and the mood.
13:15
I Hate Talking: shifted so quickly and the sweet waiter was like, oh no, we don't use that word here.
13:21
I Hate Talking: And I didn't know what I did.
13:24
I Hate Talking: I didn't realize what a faux pas, asking for ranch.
13:28
I Hate Talking: In Canada was until then.
13:32
I Hate Talking: But again, I didn't ask for American cheese, so at least that's better, right?
13:38
I Hate Talking: Yeah, I think so.
13:40
I Hate Talking: didn't ask for American cheese, didn't refer to them as freedom fries, as was the uh the uh.
13:46
I Hate Talking: Particular word that was used for a little while there.
13:49
I Hate Talking: And uh but yes, the ranch thing was uh a particular faux pas that I think out of those three would have definitely been the uh least offensive, but Nonetheless offensive in some form or fashion to the Canadians.
14:04
I Hate Talking: I know, I felt so bad and I felt bad.
14:07
I Hate Talking: I could tell you where it is so embarrassed and like I'm sorry, I didn't know.
14:11
I Hate Talking: I just really, really love dipping my fries and ranch.
14:15
I Hate Talking: So then I don't even recall.
14:17
I Hate Talking: Was there a particular dipping sauce that took the place of ranch or they just did not have this particular thing at all?
14:25
I Hate Talking: Yeah, so, um, he said they have a house sauce, and it was very similar to ranch.
14:30
I Hate Talking: It wasn't exactly the ranch I'm used to.
14:33
I Hate Talking: Uh, he said he'll bring his house sauce out.
14:36
I Hate Talking: Interesting.
14:37
I Hate Talking: So, yeah, I don't know what you would ask for if you wanted ranch or if that is just, you asked for a house sauce, that sounds not very specific.
14:47
I Hate Talking: -- I don't -- know.
14:47
I Hate Talking: Yeah, that's, I'm not sure.
14:50
I Hate Talking: I still, this was like 15 years ago or so, and I still don't know the answer to it.
14:55
I Hate Talking: So I guess as a bonus word or phrase, we'll try to figure out what Canadians call ranch when I ask Google the uh All powerful AI gives me.
15:09
I Hate Talking: The word ranch when it comes to like a cattle ranch.
15:13
I Hate Talking: So, oh wow, I feel like in America, wouldn't like ranch be the dressing first option?
15:20
I Hate Talking: I would think so, um, especially, I mean, I guess perhaps in the Restaurant.
15:26
I Hate Talking: Right.
15:27
I Hate Talking: Context, right?
15:28
I Hate Talking: It's not gonna be talking about a cattle ranch.
15:31
I Hate Talking: Now this says that Canadians call it by the same name, ranch dressing, so maybe it's changed.
15:37
I Hate Talking: I'm not sure.
15:39
I Hate Talking: 15 years ago or we just had.
15:41
I Hate Talking: I will grant it, when you're at a nice restaurant, it's not sophisticated to request ranch as a dipping sauce, but they made it sound like such a big deal that like, I was basically Stepping on their flag or something, that I feel like it has to be worse than that, right?
16:02
I Hate Talking: I guess so.
16:03
I Hate Talking: I think it is perhaps just associated with Americans being pretentious and thinking that the world revolves around America because what I'm reading here is that it like doesn't really even exist outside of the US so, probably because we were perhaps in a more touristy part, they had some sort of ranch equivalent, but Uh, I guess in like the normal, quote unquote parts of Britain or Canada or Australia seeing a lot of references that it does not really exist.
16:38
I Hate Talking: Really, so if you go overseas, you're likely not to get ranch.
16:43
I Hate Talking: At least as of like 4 years ago, where I'm seeing a lot of these comments, um.
16:48
I Hate Talking: Perhaps now that we're in more of a ubiquitous culture across the globe, maybe it's become more of a mainstay, but yeah, it looks like ranches, for all intents and purposes still is pretty much just an American thing.
17:02
I Hate Talking: And that would make sense that Canada would be exposed to it a little bit.
17:07
I Hate Talking: But again, we're so, at that point, we were so close to the border of the US that's just more of a frustration that As Americans are coming over there and.
17:18
I Hate Talking: Using their nice restaurant to dip ranch.
17:22
I Hate Talking: Exactly.
17:23
I Hate Talking: I think it could have been offensive that you didn't ask for cheese curds and gravy.
17:27
I Hate Talking: I, I yeah, I, I don't want to eat that.
17:30
I Hate Talking: Well, there you have it.
17:33
I Hate Talking: So that is our word or phrase of the episode, poutine.
17:36
I Hate Talking: Nice poutine.
17:38
I Hate Talking: So speaking of condescension that perhaps the Canadian waiter had for you, what are your thoughts on Having these type of conversations about either knowledge or the lack of knowledge and how that can make a person feel if they are being condescended too.
17:59
I Hate Talking: Oh, that's a good question.
18:01
I Hate Talking: I think it really depends.
18:06
I Hate Talking: Oh, go ahead.
18:06
I Hate Talking: Right.
18:08
I Hate Talking: No Are you gonna condescend me?
18:14
I Hate Talking: I was gonna, I was gonna be condescending because it took you a while to come up with a response.
18:19
I Hate Talking: But anyway, back to you.
18:20
I Hate Talking: All right, so we can cut all this, but it reminds me of like, all those jokes where like, someone says a fancy word.
18:29
I Hate Talking: And then someone's like, hey, dude, that's not cool, like, cause like, there's a crowd of people, and then they'll like turn to someone and be like, what that word means is, and like, explain it in super mundane terms.
18:42
I Hate Talking: OK, what was the question about how do I feel about condescension?
18:45
I Hate Talking: Yes, particularly when it comes to communicating knowledge, when there is either a perceived or real.
18:54
I Hate Talking: Ignorance of that particular topic.
18:56
I Hate Talking: OK, so I don't wanna play the victim.
19:01
I Hate Talking: Or anything like that.
19:03
I Hate Talking: But I feel like I get this fairly often, especially when I was in the workforce as a relatively young.
19:13
I Hate Talking: Female, that's blonde for the most of my life, thinks the boxed color.
19:20
I Hate Talking: I feel like a lot of professionals.
19:24
I Hate Talking: Especially my voice is high.
19:26
I Hate Talking: And I think that they often, they don't take me serious enough.
19:31
I Hate Talking: I think that's really frustrating.
19:35
I Hate Talking: There's certain times, even recent history times, where I feel like I would talk to males.
19:40
I Hate Talking: And they'll like talk down to me, like, And I'm just sitting there like, dude, I know this.
19:49
I Hate Talking: Like, I am so frustrated right now because I understand what you did.
19:52
I Hate Talking: I read everything you're talking about.
19:54
I Hate Talking: Why are you talking to me like I'm a 5 year old?
19:57
I Hate Talking: So, I feel like that's the frustration is when there's this innate hierarchy, whether it's your boss or someone higher in an organization.
20:08
I Hate Talking: Or anything like that, that um it can come out very condescending, if they just start talking to you without realizing your starting point.
20:19
I Hate Talking: Precisely, and that actually reminds me of some training that we do in the workplace in general in terms of Harassment and ethical workplace things that uh you can't be condescending to one particular gender and not the other, because that would be in some form or fashion, potentially harassment or some sort of unwanted uh behavior in the workplace.
20:44
I Hate Talking: So I guess for myself I'm an equal opportunity.
20:49
I Hate Talking: Are you condescend.
20:51
I Hate Talking: I just I'm condescending to.
20:52
I Hate Talking: Do you feel like as a male you get that often?
20:57
I Hate Talking: That I am condescending or that I am condescended too.
21:01
I Hate Talking: Either one, but condescended too is what I was getting at.
21:05
I Hate Talking: It maybe goes back to something we're talking maybe about an episode or 2 or 3 ago where perhaps there's that group project and uh somebody comes in at the last minute and claims the credit and what I would do in that situation, and I described the fact that I would do a lot of things in my power to even prevent that from being possible.
21:30
I Hate Talking: So I would sort of take the same tact on condescension is that if there is a particular thing that I am going to do or present on or that will be my role and function.
21:44
I Hate Talking: And then I'll do everything in my power to know what I need to know about that certain topic, so that I become the expert and therefore don't give others the opportunity to condescend to me.
21:59
I Hate Talking: So, do you feel like even as maybe uh young, when you were right out of college, do you feel like that was your purpose too?
22:10
I Hate Talking: Cause obviously, when you started your professional career right out of college, did you ever feel that tension of these older people looking down on you or condescending you, or did you just always strive to be equal or better?
22:24
I Hate Talking: So it definitely did, and that's a good point.
22:26
I Hate Talking: Earlier in the workforce, it's actually sort of weird now as a Older person, I guess.
22:35
I Hate Talking: I, I don't, I don't feel old, but I, I mean, I do feel old, but I don't feel like I'm like an elder person.
22:44
I Hate Talking: But it is strange that like before in my younger years, that I can like recall from even like a few years ago, like I would have to prove myself.
22:53
I Hate Talking: And like present something and like sell it to make sure that they knew what I was saying was valid, that now I don't actually have to do that as much.
23:05
I Hate Talking: Like people just believe me and it's sort of weird, right?
23:08
I Hate Talking: Yeah, even like in my circles with motherhood, people are like, what do you do in this circumstance?
23:14
I Hate Talking: I'm like, I don't know.
23:15
I Hate Talking: I'm still learning.
23:16
I Hate Talking: Like, why are you asking me?
23:18
I Hate Talking: It's weird.
23:19
I Hate Talking: I don't know when we passed that point.
23:20
I Hate Talking: But when I was a young professional, back when I worked, there was a definite hierarchy because I worked in the medical field of sorts.
23:30
I Hate Talking: And so there was like a different hierarchy with social workers and nurses and doctors and psychiatrists and psychologists.
23:39
I Hate Talking: There was a hierarchy, there was like a respect and authority level that we all just had to play this game.
23:46
I Hate Talking: I remember talking to a psychiatrist, and uh we were just chat chatting, and while we were working, and he asked about my college, and then come to find out I'm a Christian.
23:57
I Hate Talking: And I remember him asking like, oh, do you actually read the Bible?
24:01
I Hate Talking: I was like, yeah, yeah, I do.
24:03
I Hate Talking: And I kind of just left it at that.
24:05
I Hate Talking: He's like, well, that's really cute.
24:07
I Hate Talking: And I remember just being like so frustrated because I can't, what am I supposed to say to that?
24:12
I Hate Talking: He is at the top of the hierarchy.
24:15
I Hate Talking: If I offend him or anything, like, I need him to come to my work and do his job, because it's a really hard to get someone at his level to do that.
24:25
I Hate Talking: And it was just so condescending to say that my religion was cute.
24:30
I Hate Talking: And we continued to talk further, and I just kind of listened to him.
24:36
I Hate Talking: mock me, essentially.
24:38
I Hate Talking: So I feel like that was an extreme example, but I still to this day get examples of, I mean, especially men, but examples of people, and they'll say like, how I should do something.
24:50
I Hate Talking: And I'm like, well, Yeah, like if somebody was to tell me how to change a diaper, like I've changed diapers for Over a decade now.
25:00
I Hate Talking: Like, you don't have to tell me how to change a diaper.
25:02
I Hate Talking: So to me, that would be condescending and frustrating.
25:04
I Hate Talking: Precisely.
25:05
I Hate Talking: And I think that what you had originally asked about earlier in my career, I did also encounter that where, you know, perhaps I was a new person on the team and, you know, like you said, fresh out of college and relatively young, and They have to earn that trust, I guess, and making sure that.
25:27
I Hate Talking: What I was Conveying and communicating was valid and true, um, in order to build that trust.
25:36
I Hate Talking: And then once that trust was there, then people would not condescend to me in that form or fashion moving forward.
25:45
I Hate Talking: And then I think as that network grew as well, then your particular reputation will precede you so that you will have less of that condescension in the future.
25:56
I Hate Talking: And I think a big part of that is self-confidence is that.
26:00
I Hate Talking: Even when people are condescending to you, one, you can be self-confident that you do know how to do something.
26:08
I Hate Talking: As well as the humility to perhaps understand that they will communicate something that is helpful and that you can actually learn from that, even though they may be doing that from a perspective of somewhat.
26:26
I Hate Talking: A negative perspective and being condescending, but still perhaps trying to impart that wisdom or knowledge in order to help you.
26:34
I Hate Talking: Yeah, I think that's the right attitude to have is, where's the nugget of truth in this?
26:39
I Hate Talking: Like, what can I learn or grow and like I said, be humble enough to listen.
26:46
I Hate Talking: And maybe you'll learn something or maybe not, and you can move on.
26:52
I Hate Talking: And it also makes me kind of as we're talking about like somehow.
26:56
I Hate Talking: I don't know when, we stepped over that line, and now we're the more experienced ones that people will come to.
27:04
I Hate Talking: So, I think being humble too when we're talking to people, cause even again, as new parents, I remember people I'd tell them things I want to do with my kid, and they would just kind of laugh it off, like, ah, first time mom, kind of thing.
27:22
I Hate Talking: And it just made me feel so small and frustrated cause I'm like, no, I can do this.
27:26
I Hate Talking: Like, I don't want my kids to have that much screen time, or whatever the thing was.
27:32
I Hate Talking: And some of those things I often was like, oh, whoops.
27:36
I Hate Talking: Well, yeah, I did it anyways.
27:38
I Hate Talking: But trying to be humble on this side of it also, when you're talking to someone and not mocking them or not rolling your eyes when they tell you a dream or a goal or an idea they have, cause either it'll work out for them, great.
27:55
I Hate Talking: Or they'll figure out in time that it doesn't have to be this perfect ABC order.
28:02
I Hate Talking: Life happens and they can go with the flow.
28:05
I Hate Talking: I don't think that's our job necessarily to tell them and burst their bubble.
28:10
I Hate Talking: Yeah, I suppose so, as long as it's not dangerous or unethical, then perhaps letting them have that life experience and learning from it is the most appropriate response.
28:24
I Hate Talking: Mhm.
28:25
I Hate Talking: Yeah, I mean, there's definitely times like you said, like if someone's getting hurt or whatnot.
28:31
I Hate Talking: But if it's just I like to type up my Excel sheet like this, or for like your work or whatnot, or like, I don't want my kids to watch this TV show, like, OK, that's fine, that's maybe in a couple of years they will.
28:48
I Hate Talking: It's not my place to say, ha, I told you so.
28:51
I Hate Talking: Precisely, and I think that's the key difference perhaps even in the definition of condescension is the attitude that the not only the person receiving that particular feedback, but also the person giving the feedback, are they doing it truly from a attitude of trying to impart wisdom and knowledge and some form of benefit to the person they're communicating to or?
29:16
I Hate Talking: On the negative side, are they doing it just to make themselves look more knowledgeable and important when they're engaging in these particular conversations?
29:27
I Hate Talking: Yeah, so you can feel condescended, right, when someone's talking to you, you can start to feel small.
29:32
I Hate Talking: But do you think to be truly condescending or have a situation be truly condescending?
29:40
I Hate Talking: Does both parties, like, does the person who is doing it, do they have to, do they have to be nefarious?
29:47
I Hate Talking: Does it have to be a thought they have in their head?
29:50
I Hate Talking: Or can the condescension just happen one-sided, where the first party doesn't even realize they did it?
29:58
I Hate Talking: Well, now you're getting into perspectives and intent and perhaps even bumping up against boundaries in terms of the psychological definition.
30:10
I Hate Talking: But I think that Right, wrong or indifferent, that perception is reality in a lot of circumstances and that this would be one of those where the perceived intent of the receiver of the condescension.
30:27
I Hate Talking: Makes that the reality.
30:29
I Hate Talking: So I think the person doing the communication needs to be clear that it is in, as long as it actually legitimately is done in a way that is a benefit to the person they're talking to.
30:41
I Hate Talking: That it is for their good and that the person communicating has the best interest of the person.
30:51
I Hate Talking: At mind that they're talking to.
30:53
I Hate Talking: And I believe that also can be part of the reputation as well is that not only are you a trusted individual, but that you are doing things and communicating things for The betterment of others.
31:08
I Hate Talking: So, I think my biggest life goal at this point, I'm not good at it.
31:16
I Hate Talking: I need to keep working on it.
31:17
I Hate Talking: But that reminds me of my grandmother, who had very strong convictions about things, but she was very loving to people.
31:29
I Hate Talking: She was not condescending.
31:31
I Hate Talking: She wasn't sweeping things under the rug, pretending things didn't exist.
31:35
I Hate Talking: You knew her boundaries, you knew her beliefs, but When you were in her presence, you didn't feel like she was judging you and looking down on you?
31:47
I Hate Talking: Even if you weren't living up to her ideals.
31:51
I Hate Talking: And I loved that about her, and um I really strive to be that kind of person.
31:56
I Hate Talking: I'm not there, but I really strive.
31:58
I Hate Talking: That's who I want to be, someone that people know what I believe.
32:02
I Hate Talking: And know that I'm hold true to it.
32:05
I Hate Talking: I also know that they're safe with me and that I will still continue to love them.
32:11
I Hate Talking: Precisely, and that's our goal for this podcast as well.
32:14
I Hate Talking: We don't want to be condescending, but we want to be informative.
32:19
I Hate Talking: So, from your friends at I Hate Talking, until next time, remember, it is only through talking that we begin the journey to understanding.