Latest / The D.L. Hughley Show / DLHS Hour 2 | Please keep my secret from mom and dad

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DLHS Hour 2 | Please keep my secret from mom and dad · The D.L. Hughley Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It is the DL Hughgley Show. So one of your
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: kids comes to you said, don't tell me. I'm telling
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  Speaker 1: you something, but don't tell Mohamma, don't tell dad? What
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  Speaker 1: do you do? I've had that scenario happen a lot
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  Speaker 1: of times.
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  Speaker 2: Did you tell?
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  Speaker 1: Depending on what it was? Generally I didn't, but depending
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  Speaker 1: on what it was. Now she has kept a lot
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  Speaker 1: of set for me. Is there a threshold though?
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  Speaker 3: Is there a threshold as to the importance or the subject,
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  Speaker 3: the content or anything.
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  Speaker 1: What is a bit of a moving target because even
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  Speaker 1: things that seemed innocuous can't might not be so, you know,
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  Speaker 1: and it really depends on where you have relationship, what's
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  Speaker 1: going on, what kind of you know, because there are
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  Speaker 1: things that are so symbolic. And one of the things
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  Speaker 1: that really is tentative and very furtive is the relationship
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  Speaker 1: children or teenagers have with their parents.
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  Speaker 4: Boy, you know what I mean. So it is a
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  Speaker 4: very precarious thing.
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  Speaker 1: And everything's means because of the hormones and the emotional
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  Speaker 1: everything means more than perhaps.
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  Speaker 4: It might if they weren't.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, and then definitely we'll also have an
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  Speaker 3: impact on what kind of relationship you will have down
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  Speaker 3: the line with your with your parents. I think obviously,
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  Speaker 3: as you get older than you realize the intricacies of relationships.
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  Speaker 3: And perhaps you may think I was a bit hard
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  Speaker 3: on my mom or my dad because now I look
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  Speaker 3: at it from the perspective of an adult and not through.
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  Speaker 4: The eyes of a child, right right, Like, and I
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  Speaker 4: think some things.
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  Speaker 1: Now you know, it's a catch hass come, it's case
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  Speaker 1: by case basis.
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  Speaker 4: I think it's a case by casepace.
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  Speaker 1: Do you so one of your kids comes to you
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  Speaker 1: and tells you that they want to tell you something,
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  Speaker 1: but they ask you not to tell your mom and
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  Speaker 1: not tell mom and dad, depending on who you are
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  Speaker 1: in the scenario.
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  Speaker 4: What do you do? What do you do? Skip? You
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  Speaker 4: know what? It depends.
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  Speaker 2: But my thing is, I think a child has to
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  Speaker 2: trust a parent, whichever when they pick in that situation.
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  Speaker 4: It's ideal, it's they would want them to.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very So if I betray that trust and
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  Speaker 2: they feel like, oh, if they didn't feel comfortable enough
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  Speaker 2: to tell their mother and they don't trust me, they're
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  Speaker 2: going to find solace somewhere else, which might not be
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  Speaker 2: a good thing.
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  Speaker 4: So I need to always trust one of us.
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  Speaker 2: Now.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, Well, here's the thing. This is why I say
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  Speaker 3: it might be a case by case basis. Your daughter
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  Speaker 3: comes here and she says, hey, Dad, I'm pregnant, don't
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  Speaker 3: tell mom.
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  Speaker 2: In that situation, and that situation, she will go to
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  Speaker 2: her mother and say, don't tell you her dad.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, but you can't prove a negative. We don't know.
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  Speaker 4: My son could come to me, and I'm.
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  Speaker 3: Saying daughter comes, anything is possible. None of us can
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  Speaker 3: predict the future or how our kids may be. Hey,
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  Speaker 3: you can only guess at it. But now we do
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  Speaker 3: have a case. I'm asking the question. So if your
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  Speaker 3: daughter came to you skip and said I am pregnant,
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  Speaker 3: don't tell mom? Are you going to have that conversation
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  Speaker 3: with Tiffany or no?
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  Speaker 4: No?
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  Speaker 1: Okay, well you don't have to got to wait three months.
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  Speaker 5: Luckily we buys out.
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  Speaker 2: Hey, you know what Tiffany would find out and she'd
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  Speaker 2: be she'd be furious with me, but she'd forgive me.
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  Speaker 2: If I betray my daughter's trust, that's no telling that
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  Speaker 2: she would ever trust me again.
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  Speaker 3: Correct, But you're also betraying But I know she'll forget
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  Speaker 3: my wife what happened.
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  Speaker 4: But forgiveness has nothing to do with the betrayal. Tell
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  Speaker 4: us what happens.
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  Speaker 2: She'll forgive me for that betrayal, but my daughter might not.
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  Speaker 1: I'm to forgive y'all for asking this question six times.
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  Speaker 4: Oh, I don't know you, I don't know.
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  Speaker 3: I have to ask anybody to keep my secret. The
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  Speaker 3: nurse told different from me, Yeah, but I got to wait. Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: because they said you were getting sick. But I didn't
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  Speaker 3: know I was pregnant, so the nerve I didn't have
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  Speaker 3: a secret to keep. I thought I was signed, so
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  Speaker 3: there was no secrets there. But I'm saying you could wait.
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  Speaker 1: Wow, I don't know if I'm pregnant, but I'm not
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  Speaker 1: using these boxes of sanitary because another.
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  Speaker 6: Pocket.
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  Speaker 1: What we were talking about it, well, apparently not so kids,
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  Speaker 1: your kids coming to one of your children coming, He
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  Speaker 1: tells you a secret is not tell mom or dad.
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  Speaker 7: What do you do?
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  Speaker 4: We're going to write to the phones.
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  Speaker 8: As far as me, I tell my daughter when she's
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  Speaker 8: about to tell me something that she doesn't want her
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  Speaker 8: dad to know that I am going to talk to
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  Speaker 8: her dad about it. So uh, she she still trusts
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  Speaker 8: me enough to tell me, but she knows that if
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  Speaker 8: it's something that she doesn't generally want him to know
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  Speaker 8: that we will discuss it so that he doesn't overreact
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  Speaker 8: about it. So I tell her that I'm going to
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  Speaker 8: tell him because he's part of this relationship too.
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  Speaker 7: Now it depends on how seriousness the situation is, because
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  Speaker 7: I mean, if it's I think there's something that you know, hey,
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  Speaker 7: Tom has to know that I'm gonna have to go
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  Speaker 7: to Mama. I'm telling you know, hey, listen, me and
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  Speaker 7: Mom is going to discuss it and figure out what's
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  Speaker 7: the best solution. But if it's not so serious and
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  Speaker 7: something that you know, it's probably like just a little
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  Speaker 7: embarrassing or something.
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  Speaker 4: Though.
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  Speaker 7: But then, like I said, I probably still with Mom's like,
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  Speaker 7: hey Mom, listen, you know, but you don't know, so
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  Speaker 7: let's keep it like that. But true, I like to
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  Speaker 7: keep that trust with my child. But it all depends
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  Speaker 7: on the situation. So that's kind of a tricky question.
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  Speaker 9: Well, you definitely tell your parents because I was.
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  Speaker 10: A single mom and I was raising two kids and
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  Speaker 10: my son did something and they didn't want to tell
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  Speaker 10: mom because I was a strict parents. And he's saying
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  Speaker 10: for it now he lost his chance on going to
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  Speaker 10: the NBA because the decisions other.
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  Speaker 11: People made by saying don't tell your parents, no, you
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  Speaker 11: tell you.
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  Speaker 9: Might be saving his life or her life.
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  Speaker 12: Well, I think it depends on the farm with the child.
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  Speaker 12: If the child comes to the mother or the father
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  Speaker 12: and they say, I have something to tell you that
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  Speaker 12: don't tell mom or dad. If they feel comfortable more
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  Speaker 12: comfortable with the parent that they're going to the keep
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  Speaker 12: a secret. If they don't want the other parent to know,
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  Speaker 12: that means they don't trust that parent that much. They
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  Speaker 12: think the parent can go run their mouth about.
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  Speaker 7: It or you know, just spread the word.
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  Speaker 12: But they coming to the parent that they trust the
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  Speaker 12: most the actual tell them to keep that secret, and
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  Speaker 12: they really think that parent are going to keep the secret.
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  Speaker 13: So so let me just state that I was very
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  Speaker 13: close to both my parents, very close, and if I
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  Speaker 13: wanted to say something to one of them and not
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  Speaker 13: tell the other one, they did that. Okay, so I
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  Speaker 13: wanted the same thing back to them. So I'm sixty
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  Speaker 13: three down. But when I was younger and I had kids,
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  Speaker 13: that was married and had kids and everything, but my
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  Speaker 13: mom would call me and ask me for once a
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  Speaker 13: month go to their house and get out her credit
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  Speaker 13: card bill out the mail so that my.
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  Speaker 11: Dad wouldn't see it.
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  Speaker 13: And she did that for a couple of years, so
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  Speaker 13: he never did find out about it. I think eventually
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  Speaker 13: he saw one of the credit card bills and it
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  Speaker 13: was a problem, but she didn't want him to know,
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  Speaker 13: and I didn't tell it.
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  Speaker 5: Okay, First of all, the thing is you're not supposed
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  Speaker 5: to have as parents, you're not supposed to have secrets.
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  Speaker 7: So I do both. I tell my.
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  Speaker 5: Wife what happened, and then I tell her not to
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  Speaker 5: tell my daughter.
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  Speaker 14: If somebody asks you not to tell, you don't tell.
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  Speaker 14: It'll teach two lessons, One that you don't tell when
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  Speaker 14: somebody tells you to keep a secret, and two it'll
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  Speaker 14: build trust with that parent and so that that child
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  Speaker 14: will come and tell them everything from then on and
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  Speaker 14: so they can handle it. I'm sure they can handle
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  Speaker 14: it without the other parent. So no, you should not tell.
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  Speaker 14: You have to have somebody in life that you can trust.
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  Speaker 15: I think that if if it's detrimental to the family
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  Speaker 15: or hustle to the individual, that I'm going to tell
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  Speaker 15: the secret.
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  Speaker 6: But if it's a personal secret.
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  Speaker 5: I'm not telling nothing.
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  Speaker 7: It's personal. I'm gonna keep your secret.
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  Speaker 9: All think it depends on what it is. Because her
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  Speaker 9: daughter may go to her mom wanted to speak to
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  Speaker 9: her mom. Maybe she's ready to have sex with her boyfriend,
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  Speaker 9: so she wants the advice of her mom how to
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  Speaker 9: protect herself how she perceives it. You can't tell dad
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  Speaker 9: or that because that is gonna be wanting to kill
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  Speaker 9: the guys. So again, I think it depends on what
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  Speaker 9: the secret is, if you would hold from the other parents.
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  Speaker 1: So one of your children come to you and says, mom, Dad,
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  Speaker 1: I got this secret, but don't tell mom or daddy.
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  Speaker 4: They want you to be the secret. Keep it. What
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  Speaker 4: do you do? We're going through the phones.
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  Speaker 15: A long time, listening to the first time called Hey.
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  Speaker 15: My son and his girlfriend came to me and they said, Dad,
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  Speaker 15: we want to tell you something, but we don't want
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  Speaker 15: you to tell mom. And I told him, listen, whatever
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  Speaker 15: it is, I might have to tell your mother what
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  Speaker 15: it was that the girl was pregnant, and we'd already
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  Speaker 15: spoken to our son and them about that. They were young,
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  Speaker 15: you know, sixteen years old, and I said, well, i'll
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  Speaker 15: tell you what I'm not going to tell your mother
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  Speaker 15: for twenty four hours. I'll give you twenty four hours.
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  Speaker 15: If you haven't told her what's in the twenty four hours,
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  Speaker 15: I'm going to spill the beans. So, yeah, you know,
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  Speaker 15: I think you should tell you your other partner soon.
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  Speaker 16: I think that it's all of the above. There are
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  Speaker 16: times where I will keep my child secret, but there
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  Speaker 16: are also times where I will make my child tell
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  Speaker 16: her her father the truth. So I'll let her tell
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  Speaker 16: him what she told me. But I think it just
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  Speaker 16: depends on what it is.
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  Speaker 5: From prior experience, I would make sure my child knows
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  Speaker 5: that I do synthesize what they say and then I respond.
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  Speaker 5: So they ask me if I will if they tell
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  Speaker 5: me something, will I keep it from my wife? I
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  Speaker 5: will let them know. It depends, and then once I
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  Speaker 5: synthesize the information, I will give them guidance because a
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  Speaker 5: lot of times, you know, they have these preconceived notions
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  Speaker 5: about how something is and how something somebody will feel,
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  Speaker 5: and we've already told them. Everybody makes mistakes, so we
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  Speaker 5: try and make them feel like they can tell us anything.
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  Speaker 5: So I will let them know, you know, before you
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  Speaker 5: tell me, I'm going to let you know after you
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  Speaker 5: tell me what it is. And if it's something that
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  Speaker 5: they shouldn't keep from their mother. I'll advise them to
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  Speaker 5: let her know, and I'll even tell them I'll join
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  Speaker 5: them when they disclose it. But it's nothing that they
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  Speaker 5: can't teak to us about.
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  Speaker 17: My husband and I we tell each other what the
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  Speaker 17: kids say, not to tell the other parents, but we
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  Speaker 17: also have agreement to not let that child know. We
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  Speaker 17: have told our facts. That way we keep the trust
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  Speaker 17: with the child in our fasts and letting them know
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  Speaker 17: what's going on with our kids. And we talked that
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  Speaker 17: it was together on how to handle it, but do
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  Speaker 17: not tell the child that we spoke.
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  Speaker 12: To the other parents.
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  Speaker 5: It's tough.
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  Speaker 11: It really is tough, especial for the day.
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  Speaker 17: I can take it more to day hit about the
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  Speaker 17: flip the turntables.
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  Speaker 8: But he do keep it in you know, between us.
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  Speaker 6: I think it's a way to tell, you know, you
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  Speaker 6: can tell and then say, look, don't tell him. This
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  Speaker 6: is between me and but this is what he told
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  Speaker 6: me not to tell you. But I'm gonna tell you anyway.
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  Speaker 6: But don't go back. Don't say nothing. You know, that's
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  Speaker 6: a relationship. If you and your wife, you know, it's
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  Speaker 6: a way to say, you know, you can still let
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  Speaker 6: them knowbo. Hey, look i'm gonna I know, I'm gonna
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  Speaker 6: let you know about it, but i'm gonna havend do it.
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  Speaker 6: So don't say nothing. I act like you don't know nothing.
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  Speaker 6: And then you keep that report with your child. Keep
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  Speaker 6: that report, come open it up to you more.
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  Speaker 11: It all depends on what it is. You know, somebody
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  Speaker 11: could continue it. Don't tell I'm pregnant, or don't tell
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  Speaker 11: I'm on drugs. Well can this secret?
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  Speaker 2: Is?
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  Speaker 11: Like I said, if that's something to do with your
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  Speaker 11: help and mom and daddy probably could help you, then
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  Speaker 11: I probably wouldn't tell, but I would give it a
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  Speaker 11: chance that they could tell. But say saying if it's
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  Speaker 11: pregnant on drugs, or you miss them going sneaking out
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  Speaker 11: with somebody you ain't got no lily sneaking out with. Oh,
• 11:45
  Speaker 11: it be kind of hard, but yeah, but it all depends.
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  Speaker 4: All right, Judias, what do you do?
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  Speaker 18: Well, it depends we all saying the same thing. So,
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  Speaker 18: but it depends on the secret. Now she comes and say, hey,
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  Speaker 18: look I bought mom some Jeana Tavey from Walgreens. Don't
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  Speaker 18: tell what I'm getting a fund. Then of course i'd
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  Speaker 18: keep that secret. But if she was the one who
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  Speaker 18: set the fire that burned down a she shack, then
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  Speaker 18: I ain't taking that weight. I'm not taking that weight. No, no, dude,
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  Speaker 18: somebody to clean it up. You know he's sorry, exactly