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Transcript

When Love Isn't Enough · Relationship Coaching Group Podcast

• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Hello beautiful people.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Roxanne.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: And welcome back.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: We had a little summer break, and I hope you guys miss this because we surely missed all of you.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: And we're so glad to be back.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: So before we begin jumping on today's topic, when love isn't enough, I'm going to ask you a big favor.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Please like and subscribe.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: That really goes a long way.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get into it.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about something that sounds almost heartbreaking when love isn't enough.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, before you throw your phone across the room and say, Who hurt you?
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Stay with me.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I actually believe love is one of the most beautiful feelings of expression in the world.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Think about it.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Where would any of us be if it wasn't for love?
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the truth.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Love is like buying a beautiful house.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Buying the house is exciting, right?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: You post tons of pictures on your new home on Instagram.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: But what when it comes down to fixing a clogged toilet?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: No IG posts go up for that, right?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, today we're going to explore why love is the beginning of a relationship, not the entire relationship.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Did you know that love doesn't magically make you compatible?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: You can deeply love someone and still argue every single time you go somewhere together.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Here's an example.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: One wants to leave an hour early.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: The other says, ah, we'll get there when we get there.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: One has their shoes on.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And the other isn't even dressed yet.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Love doesn't erase differences.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: It simply gives us reasons to work through them.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're taking notes, remember this.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Love doesn't replace communication.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's a funny relationship myth.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: If they love me, they should know what I'm thinking.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Can your partner really read mine's?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, mine can't.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes mine can't even find the catch up that's right in front of them.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think I heard a few amens right about now.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, expecting someone to read your emotions without telling them how you feel, it's like it's like getting angry at your GPS when you never typed in the destination.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: People can love you deeply without being able to read your mind.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Communication is still required.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of saying, oh, I'm fine when you're clearly as fine as a cat taking a bath, try saying, I felt hurt when that happened.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Simple, clear, and kind.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now another point I want to make is love doesn't heal every wound.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Many of us enter relationships carrying old hurts.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's abandonment, maybe betrayal, maybe rejection.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now listen closely.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Love can create a safe space for healing.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: But if your partner your well, your partner cannot become your therapist.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say that again.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Love can create a safe space for healing, but your partner cannot become your therapist.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's a heavy job description.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And healing is something we each take responsibility for.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: A healthy partner walk beside you.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: They don't carry your every step, not literally.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, be being responsible for everything in a partnership.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I mean.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: That one person cannot carry everything, and they shouldn't.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And here's another point.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Love doesn't pay the bills.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about money.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I've noticed?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Romantic movies rarely show couples arguing about who forgot to pay the rent, electricity or water bills.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: But in real life, financial stress does affect relationships.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Love matters, but so does budgeting, planning, honesty, and shared financial goals.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's difficult to build peace if every conversation ends with so where did the money go?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: And you can go to one of our episodes where we break down managing finances together.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Take note, love doesn't fix broken trust.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine dropping your favorite coffee mug.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can glue it back together, it still holds coffee, but you probably carry it a little more carefully, at least until you're comfortable that the cup will hold your coffee without falling apart again or start leaking.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Trust after it's broken works the same way.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Love may motivate forgiveness, but trust is rebuilt through consistent, continuous actions to make sure there are no cracks or that it won't break into pieces again.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Actions repair, not promises, not speeches, and definitely not Oh I'll never do it again.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Actions again, again and again.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now another note, love needs respect.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: This one is huge.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Someone can say I love you and still interrupt you, dismiss your feelings, mock your dreams, ignore your boundaries.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's not healthy love.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Respect sounds like this.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I may disagree with you, but I still value you.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Love without respect becomes exhausting.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now the next point I want to make is love needs effort.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Think about houseplants.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can absolutely love your plant.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: You can give it a name, talk to it, play relaxing music for it, but if you never water it, well, we all know it won't survive.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships are similar.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Saying you love someone without showing affection or effort, the relationship will dry up and will not survive.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Small daily actions matter to keep a relationship alive, like listening, checking in, apologizing, laughing together, holding hands.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: How about making coffee for each other?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or sending random messages that says I was just thinking about you, and I just want to say I love you.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Little things become big things, big meaningful things.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now this is the next point that I think is quite major.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes love isn't enough to stay.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say that again in case you'd missed it.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes love isn't enough to stay.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: In my opinion, this is hardest for many.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes two good people love each other but want different things.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: They want different futures.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Example, one wants children, the other doesn't.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: One wants adventure, while the other wants stability.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: One loves to spend money shopping, gambling, eating at expensive restaurants.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: The other is very thrift, a savor, very frugal with money.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now neither's wrong.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: They're simply different.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Love can't eliminate every incompatibility.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes letting go is an act of love too.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Not because love failed, but because forcing people into lives they don't want creates suffering, resentment, bitterness, emotional distance, anxiety, and communication begins to fall.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's look at what make what makes love last.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Love plus plus did you hear me say plus?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Love plus trust.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Love plus respect.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Love plus communication.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Love plus shared values.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Love plus emotional maturity.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Love plus kindness.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Love plus growth.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, love plus humor.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now these are all things that will help love last.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And again, the last I mentioned was humor.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Trust me.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: A sense of humor takes your relationship up to a whole level.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because one day you'll argue over whose turn it is to load the dishwasher or change the baby.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Something silly like that.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Then five minutes later you'll both be laughing because neither one of you remembered what the argument was about.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Those moments matter.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Learn to laugh at and with each other.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And learn to laugh at yourself as well.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Here are my closing thoughts.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in a relationship today, don't ask do we love each other?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Ask instead, do we listen to each other?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Do we respect each other?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do we help each other grow?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Do we feel emotionally safe?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Do we share common goals?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Do we share common interests?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because love is the spark, but it's the daily choices that keep the fire burning.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you so much for spending time with me.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if today's episode encouraged you in some way, please subscribe to our channel, like, and share it with someone who believes love is magical, but who might also appreciate a reminder that healthy relationships are built, not just felt.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: And also find us at relationshipcoaching group dot com, where you'll see all that we have to offer and to catch up on other interesting episodes.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, take care of your heart, be kind to yourself, and remember, love may start a relationship, but commitment, respect, and growth are what help it thrive.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, listeners, we'll catch you on the next one.