Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Ep. 55 | How Founder Dads Can Beat Dad Guilt and Find Mental Fitness Beyond the Goal
Transcript
- Shaun: Welcome back to the reset episode 54. Who can you trust? Wow. Who can you really trust? We live in a crazy world. People are literally being bombed by the press of a button. People are literally dying. and killing themselves. in ways that are unimaginable. So who can you really trust? There is so much uncertainty, there is so much fear among people, in community, and this is across the whole world. Yet at the same time there's so much peace in humanity. and what you focus on grows. So guess the question is not who can you trust, but can you trust yourself? And that completely shifts the worldview from being something that's external to something that's very internal inside of you. because it takes a lot of work, a lot of... vulnerability, a lot of dropping the stories to actually own that part of you. to really lean in and fully give yourself. It's one of the hardest things. Because everything you've been told, everything that you've listened to, everything that you've consumed has come from outside of you. and who you think you are is playing out from that memory. So how do you work on this? Because let's just say you've been trying to earn more money. You've been trying to switch your career. You're quite unhappy in what you're doing. and you think that it's safer to be who I am right now because that's who I'm expected to show up as. Meaning, if I take the risk and I risk giving up myself to uncertainty, to a place that maybe isn't safe, a place that I can't guarantee what's on the other side, Well, in that case, you either play small and you play safe or you learn to live and you fully embrace change. You fully embrace how hollow you actually are in terms of who you think you are. Hollow just means that it can break away, it can fall apart. The very foundation of who you are is much greater than who you think you are. And so when it comes to trust, it's so interesting when you're in negotiation talks, when you're in sales calls, when you're even having a conversation with a friend, a family member. or even your spouse, even your partner, even your children. Right? So if you don't have that base level of certainty within yourself, being so certain that this life right now is actually really uncertain. Not what's happening in the world, but my mortality is uncertain. Yeah, I could actually die in this next moment. I don't know. My heart might just stop. If you're really truly conscious of that. What's interesting is you actually start giving yourself permission to live life. and you stop running away from the things that have kept you safe before. And I say this with full. full heart and full belief that I actually don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just trusting the process of becoming who I am. And I'm gonna share and document my journey on the way because I think it's a benefit to the people who are listening, to the people who are watching. For me to be the best dad I know I can be, I know it's important that I'm honest, that I'm truthful, that I have a certain level of integrity about myself. And to be perfectly upfront and honest with you, you know, I told you a couple of weeks ago that I was going to go on this 40 day kind of program and doing the work, which is me basically Committing to my yoga practice and dropping out coffee and chocolate. I just finished another cup of coffee today, just now, just before I hit record, and I had a small block of chocolate. You know, one of my favourite chocolates is Cadbury. I know it's not the best in terms of how it actually nourishes my body, but it connects me back to this root of comfort. Is it healthy? Well, see health is... health is an interesting one because... When you're equanimous with the environments around you, health is a natural consequence. When you are fighting yourself, when you are really trying to go to great lengths to stop yourself from doing something, This is usually where unhealthy stands up. This is where unhealthy becomes a problem or when your health is questioned. The reason why that's important is it's the subjective nature of you. Yes, there are certain things we know about health, but this is coming from a brain. This is coming from an intellectual capacity. This is coming from the knowledge that we've acquired. It doesn't really look at the individual nature of you or the subjective nature of how you interact with life. And know what I'm speaking is quite out there, but if you're still with me... We'll keep going because... When we really understand what I'm talking about, you actually get to dance and you get to play with a... a reasonable level of satisfaction and joy with what's actually happening now. And so looking at your life right now, are you actually happy with the life that you're living? Do you think attaining the goal will make you happier? If that is the case, if you think attaining the goal is going to make you happier, I'm not going to stop you, but I will ask you this question. If attaining the goal was to make you happy, don't you think you would already be happy? Because that's what you said the last time. But if I just reach this point in my life, then I will be happy. IF then. So IF I get there, then I will. That is not how life works. That is not how you make yourself joyful. That is not how happiness even happens, right? You will feel satisfied for a moment and the next moment you might even feel depressed. because it's actually the pursuing of the goal that makes you more happy than actually achieving the goal. But I'll go one step further. It's not actually the pursuit of the goal, it's how you are when you're pursuing the goal. So if you're having a really fun, a really exciting time pursuing the goal, I guarantee you are gonna be so much more happy in the pursuit of the goal than someone who is absolutely miserably trying to attain their goal. When they get it, you think they're going to be fulfilled? And just think about all those people who go on these 8 week or 12 week challenges when they're trying to get themselves fitter and faster and stronger. For the ones that actually make the change, for the ones who actually enjoy the process. those are the people who actually get it because at some level they're actually enjoying the process. How they are is is more important than what they've done to get there. So it's got nothing to do with reaching the goal. Reaching for the goal just means that they've been able to move through the process of becoming joyful. Of showing how fun and how playful they can be. Because I think we all have a yearning just to get back to that childlike wonder. That child life. childlike play. You know before a certain point, probably before seven years old, you used to be quite joyful, quite playful, quite curious and gradually as time went on Life became heavy. Life became serious. Life became full of these things we call responsibilities. And that, that's the real crime right there, is letting yourself become too serious about all of it. So maybe this level of trust is really... It's having trust in being able to have fun, being able to see that it's all just... It's all just a painting of what's happening. It's not really what's happening. And if you can see the light and see the playfulness and see the joy in what's really happening right now, then maybe, maybe that's what self-trust is. Maybe it's learning to be yourself in the most uncomfortable positions. So maybe, maybe that's it. And if you have received value from this episode, I encourage you to share it with just one person. That's how we grow and I would really appreciate you sharing it. So thank you so much for tuning in and I look forward to seeing you in tomorrow's episode.