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Love in the Digital Age: The Diva's Guide to Dating Apps · The Diva Details

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Diva T-Town. Welcome to the Diva Details.
• 0:05
  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits.
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  Just fearless conversations to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
• 0:32
  Well hello diva cat hello diva
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  mia welcome back yes i'm glad to be
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  back i'm so excited because today we get to
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  talk about dating apps dating apps i
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  know something you are not used to right i haven't been i never been on one
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  actually i will say coming out of a divorce i kind of went through a shock i
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  i asked people how do people date and everybody's like well everybody gets on
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  the dating apps and i'm like huh and so i went out there and i just kind of
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  fumbled through i I went on almost every dating app. Some of them I paid for. Some of them I did free.
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  And I just kind of fumbled around like a newbie because I'd never even been on a dating app before.
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  But that was a fun process. It was kind of a fun process. But it was interesting
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  because I had never done that before.
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  So learning the different dating apps and kind of what they are is kind of unique.
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  New generation nowadays is all about dating apps. Everybody jumps on the dating apps.
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  Have you heard of any dating apps? I heard a lot of them, actually.
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  Actually, I know a friend. My friend actually filed a device on Match.com.
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  On Match.com. Really? Mm-hmm.
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  Well, this is taught way back, 15 years ago. Really? Mm-hmm.
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  Well, one still very stay happily married, but the other one,
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  they just got divorced two years ago.
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  You know, the funny thing is different dating apps have different groups of people, I found, too.
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  That's another thing. I know. And some of them kind of have like a reputation,
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  if you will, the dating app itself.
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  And you could filter through by age. Yes, you can. There's a dating app for
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  50 and over. There are those as well, yeah. And there's dating apps for people that are active.
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  There's dating apps for people that work out. There's dating apps for Christians.
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  Yeah. There's all kinds. I saw actually the Christian Mingle.
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  I saw that on a commercial.
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  Yeah, there's a dating app for everything. That's awesome. I love this new generation.
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  You say you love it because you're not in it. I will say I'm not a big fan of
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  the dating apps, but what have you heard about?
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  EHarmony. I was on eHarmony. I did try out eHarmony.
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  So eHarmony, it's very, I don't want to say, I'll just say mature because I
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  don't want to use the word old, but I just used it. It's very mature.
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  I will say I'm at 50 and I
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  don't feel 50 and I don't think I look 50 and I
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  like to keep a younger looking group I will say eHarmony
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  is more of a traditional dating app
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  that I didn't really like the way the men looked or the way they
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  were kind of shy and just I don't know it was
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  just weird I didn't really like eHarmony well it say right on
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  the description what does it say it say for mature
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  were over 50 yeah so i
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  was right at 50 and i kind of like to date a few years
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  younger and everybody it looked more like people in
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  their 60s and 70s so maybe 70s and 80s even there's a lot of older people so
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  e-harmony i would say it's definitely geared towards that if you're looking
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  for a dating app that you know really goes much older that's probably the dating
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  app for you and some people want to go out with a 60 or 70 year old person.
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  True so if that's your age group you go for it how
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  about date my age date my age is also
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  a mature dating app so date my age is also for
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  people looking for someone closer to their age i
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  don't have to have someone by my age and it's also but you're also going to
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  find people that are like much older older yeah yeah i don't see any young people
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  get in on that app but you know it is what it is that's stir what is it stir
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  s-t-i-r i've never even heard of that one It rated 9.5.
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  Really? What is it? Who is, who does it gear towards?
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  Oh, it's number one for single parents.
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  Really? Mm-hmm. Well, I'm not limiting myself to people that have children.
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  So if you want to find a person that also has other children,
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  then that's probably the dating app for you.
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  Yeah, it's the number one dating app for single parents. Single parents.
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  Okay. I could see that. But I would also be a little nervous because if you're
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  putting parents on a dating app, you could also be opening yourself up to some
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  pedophiles. So just be careful.
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  Yeah, yeah. You know, like all dating apps, you have to be careful.
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  Yeah. So we all say this with a little tongue in cheek, but,
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  you know, dating is contact sport right now.
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  And when you get on these dating apps, you got to be a little nervous and a little careful.
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  And we'll go kind of over, you know, steps to do before a woman goes on a date
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  and things a man should do before they go on a date.
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  So we'll go cover that in a little bit. Do you know Match.com?
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  Have you been on? I've been on Match.com. I did not like Match.com either.
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  Match.com was also for older people. The selection of men I didn't like.
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  Now, you may love the selection of men.
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  Dems seem a little bit more rural. There wasn't anyone near me.
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  It's for mature young adult. A mature, it's not really for you.
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  I didn't find any young ones I liked on Match.com. No? No.
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  How about Love Our Time? You never went on Love Our Time.
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  Is that a big one too? Yeah, number one dating site for single over 50. For me?
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  I don't want to limit my age.
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  You don't want to limit your age. I'll date probably all the way down to 42 maybe, maybe even 40.
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  I don't think I'll go less than that. I think that would be robbing the cradle a little bit too much.
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  I think my general rule is if I could have a child their age,
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  I don't really want to date them.
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  The dating apps for me, I want to be able to have a wide range of ages because
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  I don't want to limit someone based off their age because there are mature 40-year-olds
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  that are more mature than a 55-year-old or a 60-year-old.
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  Now, that's a cost, and some of them are free, some of them are cost.
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  Yeah, so what I would say is you try them out for free first.
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  But the dating apps have kind of gotten smart. They don't let you have a lot
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  of options unless you're paying. But you can try the dating app out first for free.
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  And the reality is if you don't like the interface and if the interface seems
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  too much of a struggle for whoever you are, whether you're a techie or not a
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  techie, I would not use the app because you're not going to be enjoying yourself on the app.
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  You're going to get on it and you're going to be miserable because you just
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  don't like using the interface.
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  Yeah. So that's what the trying it out for free is really about checking out
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  the interface and seeing if you have people that you like. Yeah.
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  How about they say how do you avoid the fake dating app profile?
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  Yeah, there's a lot of fake dating profiles. Now, here's the thing.
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  Just because somebody has filtered images does not mean it's a fake profile.
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  You can typically find a fake profile when somebody's talking to you about cryptocurrency
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  or they want you to talk to you about investments or they message you a lot
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  and they get hot and heavy real quick and then they don't know why you aren't
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  getting, you know, connecting.
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  Like I had this one guy that was like, I just feel so connected to you.
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  And he was, he was going on. He's like, I feel like you could be my soulmate.
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  And he kept pushing and pushing and pushing.
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  And I was like, you seem very nice. I'd like to get to know you more.
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  I was like, but face to face.
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  He's like, well, and then he kept going and going. And then one time he told
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  me he loved me and he would love to get to know my children.
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  And I was sitting here going, okay, first of all, I don't fall in love with
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  somebody I just text. Yeah.
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  Secondly, I don't know who you are. And then thirdly, I blocked him.
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  Because you can tell the scammers ladies are going to go hot and heavy real fast. Yeah.
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  On text messaging. No one should be falling in love with you.
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  And this is the reason why so many people in our age group are getting scammed.
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  No one should be telling you they love you after they texted you.
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  I had a nanny one time who met someone online and she was in love with him. Oh, my God.
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  You could tell she was just so much in love. She'd been texting him for three
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  or four months. He was going to take a business trip from UK to Japan. Oh, wow. Yeah.
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  And he was going to pass by on the way back. What happened was on the way there,
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  of course, he ran out of money.
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  He got his wallet stolen. Oh, that's a story. And his passport. And he needed $1,200.
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  To get a new one oh my god it was
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  funny because the day before she was telling
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  us how she just loved him and it all the stuff she was
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  telling me gave me like a weird spidey sense i go you gotta be careful
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  she got mad at me oh and i was like you gotta be
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  careful and she got really mad at me she was really i mean
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  he really tugged text via text on our
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  heartstrings and they may have even talked a few times on
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  the phone because they will talk to you on the phone still even if they're a scammer uh-huh
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  and of course when he went to japan he lost his well they're
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  always there's always a crisis crisis this happens
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  for men too women do this to men too and that
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  crisis will always come it won't at first they take their time when i had told
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  the guy that i was messing with me that i don't fall in love with people over
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  text i have to get to know them first i don't i'm not that easy to fall for
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  someone he he didn't want to talk to me anymore either see they want the ones that are vulnerable.
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  Yes. That are have huge hearts that are ready to jump.
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  Yeah. And usually when they hear someone's newly divorced, they're like salivating.
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  Yeah. Because the newly divorced ones are the most vulnerable, but I wasn't.
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  And it was so funny because I was just like, no, I'm not falling for that. Yeah.
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  But you will see that. And so then it broke her heart because she broke up with him, of course.
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  And she cried for three days. And I was like. Even when she hadn't met him? She hadn't met him.
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  Wow. So be careful because they know the right things to say.
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  But you shouldn't be falling in love with anybody over text.
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  Now, I get that if you have a connection with someone, you can have a connection.
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  But love is more than just having a connection. and being
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  in love with someone is more than just having a connection just
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  because you love someone doesn't mean you're going to be with them right all
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  right so here's some of the ones i've kind of
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  associated with so like tender tender's kind
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  of known as the hookup site i'm not on tender i was
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  never on tender i thought about it but then somebody told me that it's
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  much more casual and it's for people that just want to hook
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  up and have one night stands oh wow that's
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  what you're into i guess tender is your thing that's
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  it i did do bumble actually a
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  couple of couple of my friends on bumble bumble is
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  where i got my first dick pic oh really in the app oh my god so bumble does
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  not filter what you send people in the app and i got a dick pic in bumble it
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  was my first dick pic ever in my whole life because my ex-husband did not send
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  me dick pics oh my god so i was shocked because I was like,
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  this is dating in 2024,
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  2023. It was like, holy moly.
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  So Bumble was interesting. I will say Bumble is not just a hookup site.
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  I found some very cute men in Bumble.
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  I have found some very cute men or very nice men in Bumble.
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  But I will say the men are a little bit more aggressive in Bumble than some of the other sites.
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  But you can filter through the aggressive ones on Bumble.
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  But Tinder is like, if you're going to Tinder, everybody knows you just want to hook up.
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  If you go to Bumble, it's kind of hit or miss. It's probably 50-50.
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  I will say I like Bumble because there's less scammers. They do a better job
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  at verifying the person's profile.
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  So there are less scammers on Bumble. Okay. The big one I heard a lot about,
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  what everybody told me I had to get on was Hinge.
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  Hinge. H-I-N-G-E. That's new to me. So Hinge, everybody says,
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  oh, I met my husband here. Oh, I met my wife here.
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  Hinge was pretty good a couple years ago when I first got divorced and I jumped
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  on a nap because I was, you know, vulnerable like all the other vulnerable women, right? Uh-huh.
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  I was like, and Hinge had some nice looking men and it seemed much more professional,
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  if you will, or much more sophisticated.
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  However, I will say all the scammers I found have been either on Match.com or
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  Hinge. Really? I thought Match doing a very good job.
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  Match has had a bunch of, I've had some scammers on, I haven't had any on New
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  Harmony, but I'm not really on New Harmony anymore. Yeah.
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  I didn't have any on, I'm not on Match anymore either. I'm actually not on the
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  dating apps a lot at all right now, but Hinge, I will say there were more scammers.
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  So I kind of got sick of the scammers and they were literally mostly cryptocurrency
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  scammers or people being really pushy, trying to get you to give them more time, more attention,
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  be their exclusive person based off of dating or texting. And I'm not into that.
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  OKCupid's a big one that's come about. Cupid. OKCupid, yeah,
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  they offer promotional stuff.
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  They're kind of big lately.
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  I never did it, but Match.com, I will say, was a decent one,
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  but they've lost their luster because the people that are on there,
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  I just don't really like.
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  Oh, wow. I had to say, though, from my two friends, they did find their wife
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  there, and they are very beautiful. And do you know which dating app they used? Match.com.
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  Well, Match used to be better, and it's older, right? Right.
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  So if you want to date anyone a little bit younger than 50, it's probably not the place for you. Yeah.
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  So here's a new one I tried. It's called The League.
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  The League. Now, the league, you actually have to be accepted into.
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  They verify you through LinkedIn, okay? And they screen you before,
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  and they only let a certain number of people in at a time.
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  I think that's more legit. It is very legit. It's almost like a cross between
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  a dating app and a matchmaker.
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  They only give you five to ten people a day. You can pay for more people if
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  you want to see more people.
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  But I didn't really have any real hits.
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  I think the league, I'm going to be too really honest here, it feels like it's
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  wealthy men wanting to find younger women or wealthy women wanting to find younger men.
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  But I want a man that's within 10 years above me or 10 years below that doesn't
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  just match me physically, but also matches me a little bit financially because
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  I don't want to, I don't want to be paying for someone.
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  I don't want to support a man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Agree. And there's a lot of gold diggers.
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  We had, we have a whole gold digger segment on it, but there's a lot of gold
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  diggers out there. And there are men that don't care if the woman makes money.
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  And there are women that don't care if the man makes money. But I want both, if that makes sense.
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  Yeah. So you haven't come across anybody yet? I found a couple.
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  It moved a little too slow for me, I guess.
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  Raya is a big one that people have been talking about lately in the news. It's for celebrities.
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  It's an invite-only one. So you can't even get into it unless you're a specific celebrity.
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  And to get on Raya, you have to be known. And it requires referrals and vetting.
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  Again, some of these dating apps are kind of a mesh between dating app and matchmaker.
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  Then you have Luxie, which is for millionaires and successful professionals.
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  I have not been on that one.
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  I am on Millionaire Match.
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  That one's for high net worth people. You have to be over 20 years,
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  though, so you're like 40 or above.
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  40 or above. They do do background checks.
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  It's been around for a while. Millionaire Match has been around for a while.
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  Again, you're going to have probably some of the similar stuff where you have
• 15:11
  some of the people looking for their sugar daddy or sugar mama.
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  And so, but Millionaire Match is a solid one. I will say, I kind of think I
• 15:18
  like it better than The League.
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  Although The League is nice if you don't have a lot of time,
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  but it doesn't seem like there's a lot of.
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  Depth to it yet it's new yeah i think it's going
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  to grow as the app evolves because they're adding new stuff the problem
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  i didn't like about the league is you pay your subscription fee which wasn't
• 15:34
  cheap and then they also nickel and
• 15:37
  dime you for every little thing if you want five more people you got to pay a
• 15:39
  higher subscription fee if you want i see if and and then
• 15:42
  they you know they drop new people every day at the same
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  time depending on what time zone you're in you're supposed to
• 15:48
  go through them each day it's like a task list for your dating
• 15:51
  i guess it it is it's kind of like a task tracker every day
• 15:53
  you've got to go through your five people every day at five
• 15:56
  o'clock you look through your five people and then you can do virtual dating
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  with the league where you can actually have you can get
• 16:02
  online and it's like kind of a virtual date do
• 16:06
  you have to pay extra for that no they have like an hour of
• 16:09
  virtual date at least not with the subscription i had okay there's like
• 16:12
  if you want to join this club or this organization because they
• 16:14
  also have groups like if you want to be in a pickleball group they
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  have that if you want to be in a a group for people that like to hike they have
• 16:21
  it it's it's nice community but when I started on the league I guess it was
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  kind of a newer site but there are a lot of people there that have met some
• 16:29
  really nice good solid people so I would say for the luxury people I would say the league or.
• 16:36
  Millionaire match might be a good one one of the best ones
• 16:39
  guys that I've been on lately is facebook
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  dating yeah is it really and facebook
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  dating's free and i will say
• 16:49
  it is way better than e-harmony it is way better than
• 16:52
  match really as far as the quality of men oh i
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  see and it's way better than hinge because i haven't had any scammers yet on
• 16:59
  facebook dating because they verify the facebook profile i had one guy on there
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  i think might have been a scammer but the thing is is there's so many people
• 17:07
  on it now with facebook dating you you know you're gonna to have to follow up more often.
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  So it's for the people that are actively looking.
• 17:16
  But the other thing with Facebook dating is if you find somebody that's a friend
• 17:20
  of a friend, it tells you.
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  It tells you this person knows him. So if you want to go, like,
• 17:26
  say you want to go on a date with somebody and you say, oh, this guy,
• 17:30
  Bob, is friends with Mary Lou or whatever.
• 17:33
  You can say, okay, let me go reach out to Mary Lou and see what she thinks about this guy. Now,
• 17:38
  As we all know on Facebook, there are many people that friend people that they
• 17:42
  don't really know. They don't really know.
• 17:44
  I mean, I have 3,000 friends, and I'm pretty sure I don't know them all.
• 17:47
  If you reach out sometimes, like somebody reached out to me one time and said,
• 17:51
  do you know this guy? And I was like, no, I have no idea who they are.
• 17:53
  They're like, well, you said you're friends with him. I go, I have no idea who they are.
• 17:56
  Oh, I see. It's probably because, yeah, it's probably because we have a similar background somewhere.
• 17:59
  Yeah, also, like Facebook suggested you, you know.
• 18:02
  Yeah, you get suggestions on Facebook. You can filter just like all the apps
• 18:07
  have the ability to filter based on age.
• 18:09
  I highly recommend on any dating app that you do that you set up really good
• 18:14
  filters because the filters are the most important. You set up really good filters.
• 18:19
  Be honest. And I know that sounds crazy. Be honest with your pictures.
• 18:24
  Yeah. Be honest with your description.
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  Because the reality is with dating apps, even if you're in a smaller town,
• 18:32
  The reality with dating apps is people are you're going to get a lot of people
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  or you should. If you're not getting a lot of people, then relook at your profile.
• 18:38
  I mean, I have had it sometimes where people complained about not getting a
• 18:41
  lot of people and it was a woman searching for a man, but she was only showing up on women's profiles.
• 18:47
  Oh, wow. Like I'm only getting women to show up. Well, that's because you say
• 18:50
  it's you're a woman seeking a woman.
• 18:52
  I see. Be very specific on what you're looking for. Just be truthful.
• 18:57
  Yeah. I'm so honest on my profile about what I'm looking for. It may offend.
• 19:02
  Yeah i like intelligent men and i said i i which is also known as sapiosexual
• 19:08
  if you must know there's a name for it oh people that are attracted to tell
• 19:11
  i think i mean i want somebody that's in shape as well and that's good looking
• 19:15
  but if they're not so smart and not as interested.
• 19:20
  So sapiosexual someone like someone from my forever person would probably be
• 19:24
  very intelligent because i like to have in-depth conversations now don't get
• 19:28
  me wrong intelligence comes in many different ways. It doesn't mean they got a graduate degree.
• 19:32
  You can have an intelligent person that's just got a lot of common sense. That is so true.
• 19:36
  You know, and that is very down to earth and can banter. It's very witty.
• 19:41
  The banter to me is number one. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
• 19:44
  So, how do you get on all these apps? You have to make a profile video yourself.
• 19:51
  Well, you don't always have to do videos, although you can. But you have to
• 19:54
  have some good pictures. So, do lots of selfies.
• 19:57
  Try not to filter them. Or if you do filter them, don't filter them too much.
• 20:01
  Make a good description.
• 20:03
  So, I one time wrote a description. And I didn't like it. So,
• 20:07
  I threw it out there for ChatGPT to rewrite. Okay. Oh, my gosh.
• 20:12
  You could tell ChatGPT wrote it. And it was too much. It made me look like a snob.
• 20:17
  So write your own descriptions is my only recommendation. If you put it through
• 20:20
  ChatGPT, you can do it a little bit, then clean it up the way you like it.
• 20:23
  Because I look like a complete snob after ChatGPT got done with my description.
• 20:27
  I've used bigger words than you should be putting on a dating app,
• 20:30
  you know. Yeah, how about AI?
• 20:32
  Yeah, people have done AI with their images. I don't recommend doing that.
• 20:38
  I don't. And oh, if you're a man, please don't put any more fish pictures up.
• 20:43
  If I see one more dick pic or one more fish pic, I'm going to have a problem.
• 20:47
  Because the reality is I don't care how big you can catch a fish.
• 20:51
  If you're looking for a woman that likes to fish, say it.
• 20:54
  Don't stick it on your profile picture. I think 90% of men just want women that
• 20:58
  like to fish, which means these 90% of the men are going to be single. Single.
• 21:02
  Because you're only looking for 10% of the women that do like to fish. What do you suggest?
• 21:07
  Well, a man should be active. Maybe go biking, take a picture there, likes to dance.
• 21:13
  I mean, I guess if it's true that you are a professional fisherman, put it up there.
• 21:17
  But if you're not, don't stick a picture of a dead fish or even dead animals.
• 21:25
  Like I've seen so many people shoot something and have a picture of them standing over the carcass.
• 21:30
  I'm sorry. It's not attractive to me. Unless you're bringing that into the bedroom
• 21:34
  and I don't really want you to.
• 21:36
  So I don't know why guys think they have to put pictures of dead animals.
• 21:41
  Women aren't doing it. That's true. It's a guy thing.
• 21:44
  Wow. Maybe they need to show their macho. That doesn't show that they're macho
• 21:48
  to me. It just shows that they can kill an animal that was defenseless and hungry. Yeah.
• 21:53
  I've heard the sunset picture is very attractive.
• 21:56
  Is that true? A sunset? Mm-hmm.
• 21:59
  Well, you know what would be nice is if a guy is standing in the sunsets in
• 22:02
  the background, they have a glass of champagne, and they're toasting you.
• 22:04
  That would be a nice little picture to have, wouldn't it?
• 22:06
  Because then it's like an experience. It's like a lifestyle.
• 22:11
  I mean, it depends on what you're looking for. You know, there might be some
• 22:14
  women that want a guy with a fish pic. Fish pic.
• 22:18
  And, you know, person that's not into that type of stuff. It depends on who
• 22:21
  you're looking for, I guess. Who you're looking for, uh-huh.
• 22:23
  Yeah. And your bio has to describe it. You have to be so clear in your bio of
• 22:27
  what you're looking for.
• 22:28
  And the reality is, guys and ladies, no one's looking at your bio. Uh-huh.
• 22:32
  When people swipe on you, they're looking at your picture. They don't even see your age.
• 22:36
  Because when you get in the dating apps, you're going to get inundated with
• 22:41
  a couple hundred people right away.
• 22:43
  Okay. At least in our area.
• 22:45
  And you're going to look at the picture and swipe. Look at the picture left
• 22:48
  or right, whether you like it or not. And some of them swipe,
• 22:50
  some of them close, depending on what the app is.
• 22:53
  But you're just going to go through picture by picture by picture.
• 22:56
  And then once those pictures, you swipe right, they'll get notified you like them.
• 23:01
  This is like a filtering process. I'm telling you a whole filtering process.
• 23:05
  So then after you filter the ones you like, then what you're going to do is
• 23:09
  they're going to like you or not.
• 23:10
  So now there's a match. They're going to like your picture or not.
• 23:13
  If they don't like your picture back, you guys don't get matched.
• 23:16
  This is the gist of it. Sometimes in some of the dating apps,
• 23:19
  like in Bumble, the woman picks first.
• 23:23
  Sometimes in the dating apps, the man picks first. And sometimes you have the option for both.
• 23:28
  Oh, wow. Like on Facebook, you can have the people that are interested in you,
• 23:32
  and then you can have everybody.
• 23:33
  I tend to only look at the ones that were interested in me, so I don't have
• 23:37
  to go through the list of everybody, because everybody could be several thousand people.
• 23:41
  Oh, wow. Yeah, so I'm letting the guy do the heavy-lifty first.
• 23:43
  So if they like me and I like them, then we'll get what's called matched.
• 23:47
  Depending on the dating app, they're all pretty much the same idea, guys. You all match.
• 23:52
  You could also set your zip code, set your location.
• 23:55
  Area, zip code. yeah so once you match then
• 23:59
  i will read their profile now some people may
• 24:02
  read the profile they may go slower and read the
• 24:05
  profile on every picture i have gotten too many likes that
• 24:08
  i can't keep up so i just match on picture first
• 24:11
  and then if we're still a match then i'll read the description their age their
• 24:16
  likings and if i don't like them at that point okay then i'll just get them
• 24:21
  out of my yeah and then I only have left the people that I seem to have similarities to or like.
• 24:30
  So pictures is the first is pictures is the first so
• 24:32
  your pictures are number one number one and make sure they're
• 24:35
  high quality non-blurry pictures they said pictures
• 24:38
  said a thousand words and i don't know why men put
• 24:42
  pictures up with other men or other women
• 24:45
  women tend to have a lot of selfies they tend to put pictures of
• 24:47
  themselves up but men will take a picture of
• 24:50
  themselves standing next to a pretty woman huh and then
• 24:53
  we have to guess is that your daughter is that your x y yeah right right
• 24:56
  or they'll take pictures with other guys and then
• 24:59
  you don't know which guy is actually on the profile i actually
• 25:02
  had one guy with he had a picture of himself with the same guys
• 25:05
  over and over again like groups of guys and i had no idea who he
• 25:08
  was now that should be a red flex and then if
• 25:11
  a guy doesn't have a picture or only has one they're either
• 25:14
  a scammer or they just they're not very comfortable
• 25:17
  in their own skin and then you're going to have insecurity issues yeah
• 25:20
  so pictures is a must yes now
• 25:23
  that you got somebody now what do you do with them so let's
• 25:26
  say you've you like i get about one percent out
• 25:29
  of every hundred people so i get like one maybe three people
• 25:32
  out of a hundred well you are exceptional standard though well no that's i just
• 25:36
  i'm a little picky right because i don't want to waste my time with everyone
• 25:40
  i don't have to date everyone i just have to date the ones i like and but the
• 25:44
  first message should be personalized And if one more person says hi,
• 25:48
  I say hi to people on the street.
• 25:50
  If I've given you enough time to select, to narrow down your picture profile,
• 25:55
  I want you to not just say, hey, what's up?
• 25:58
  You know what I mean? Just say something polite and respectful.
• 26:01
  How was your day? I hope you're doing well. I'd like to learn more about you.
• 26:05
  That's it. That's it. You could say the same thing to every single woman.
• 26:08
  They would all appreciate that.
• 26:09
  That is true. And they don't even know that you say the same thing to every one of them, do they?
• 26:14
  They don't, because they can't say anything. Oh, okay, okay.
• 26:17
  Now, don't send a dick pic to a woman that hasn't asked for it.
• 26:21
  I'm sorry if I have to say this, but I was talking to probably a scammer,
• 26:26
  but he was supposedly a Dutch guy.
• 26:28
  He was very proud of what he had. Well, he deserved to be.
• 26:32
  Say no more. Exactly. He was very proud of it. And he sent me a dick pic like three texts in.
• 26:39
  Oh, wow. And I was like, that's exactly what I said. I said, oh, wow.
• 26:45
  And he's like, well, this is what I want with you. And I was like, wow.
• 26:50
  I was like, what are you talking about? And then he sent me a picture with him
• 26:53
  and a woman on top of him. And I was like, oh.
• 26:56
  And he was 30, right? And I was like, I go, I'm really old for you. Yes.
• 27:02
  And he goes, I only date women over 45. And I was like, oh, my gosh.
• 27:06
  You're probably looking for mom.
• 27:08
  Oh, they all are. I mean, I will tell you how lately. I don't know if it's all
• 27:12
  the movies out there with all the older women dating younger men,
• 27:15
  but all these men are on the let me date older women bandwagon.
• 27:19
  They all want older women. Are you serious?
• 27:22
  Yeah. And I asked one and I was like, why everybody did he sent me a list?
• 27:25
  He's like, they cook for you. They take care of you.
• 27:29
  They know what they want in the bedroom. They're hot. They're not constantly into taking selfies.
• 27:34
  So our generation, for some reason, is attractive. Yeah.
• 27:38
  To younger men and one guy said
• 27:40
  the younger women for some reason and no no slam meant
• 27:43
  for you younger women are so into themselves that they don't really
• 27:46
  take good care of the man they're with but our generation
• 27:50
  does yeah but i'm sorry i'm not dating a 25 year old if i have one more 25 year
• 27:54
  old try to dm me it's gonna i don't know what i'm gonna yeah but that's so true
• 27:58
  though i got a gym as so many young girls put the video picture themselves you
• 28:05
  know all this selfie now Now,
• 28:07
  I have a friend that also goes to the same gym, and I personally talk to him,
• 28:11
  and he's like, that's such a turnoff.
• 28:13
  Yeah, a lot of men don't like women that are constantly posting their—I mean,
• 28:18
  once in a while is fine, or if you're a trainer and this is like you're not
• 28:22
  just a hobby, but the way you're making a living. It's your job, yes.
• 28:25
  But the women that are constantly posting selfies really need that attention. Mm-hmm.
• 28:31
  And I've had some men say it's a turnoff. So if all you have all over your profile
• 28:34
  is only selfies and you're like if you're daily posting videos and selfies,
• 28:40
  then go find a man that will give you the attention you need because a lot of
• 28:44
  people do it for attention.
• 28:46
  They're not doing it to make money. It's not a it's not a financial venture.
• 28:50
  Yeah. And it just for guys, it can be a turnoff or you could be dating a guy
• 28:54
  and they're like, I don't want you to do it anymore because they want to have
• 28:58
  you to themselves, which is fine. That's fine.
• 29:00
  Now, nowadays, it's kind of hard to select it because there's a lot of influencers
• 29:06
  out there, a lot of them that use that to make a living. Well, and that's fine.
• 29:11
  Well, you can tell because they have thousands and thousands of followers. That's true.
• 29:15
  If they've been doing this for two or three years and they only have 10 likes
• 29:18
  on a video, they're just doing it for attention.
• 29:19
  If they have thousands and thousands of followers and they're monetizing it,
• 29:23
  they're doing it for money.
• 29:24
  I see. I see. One thing I hate is ghosting. It is one thing.
• 29:28
  Like, for instance, when I get off dating apps, I just...
• 29:30
  Turn them off. Let's say you're texting someone for a long time and you seem
• 29:33
  to be making a connection.
• 29:35
  And a long time for me, guys, is a week. Because if you're not after one or
• 29:38
  two, yeah, after one or two weeks, if you're not asking someone out on a date,
• 29:42
  what are you doing? Did you need a pen pal that badly?
• 29:45
  You don't remember the old pen pals where people used to write,
• 29:47
  well, that's the new pen pals is people get on these dating apps and they just text.
• 29:52
  They never ask the woman out. And here's the thing, ladies, I have,
• 29:56
  and I know I'm more of a go-getter woman.
• 29:59
  Go-getter. But I have said, do you want to go out sometime?
• 30:02
  Do you want to get a cup of coffee? I don't care if it's a cup of coffee because
• 30:04
  I would rather actually get a cup of coffee and filter through the men I don't
• 30:08
  want than go on a fancy dinner and sit there for an hour and a half,
• 30:12
  two hours with somebody I despise. I see.
• 30:15
  Approximately how many texts that you like the third text? Well,
• 30:18
  it depends. I mean, I've had some people that I connect with right away.
• 30:23
  And then I've had other people that three weeks in were still texting and I'm just, I'm over it.
• 30:28
  Yeah, over it, yeah. I like to say when I'm done with texting someone, I don't just ghost them.
• 30:33
  I'm just saying, you know what? I don't think we're a right fit,
• 30:35
  but I wish you luck in dating.
• 30:37
  I see. Or I'm looking for something different. I'm going to go in a different direction.
• 30:40
  But at least that way they know and you're mature enough to tell them no.
• 30:46
  Well, I know you'd known the right way to dump people. No, it's not dumping them.
• 30:52
  You've just been text buddies. Don't take it so personally. if somebody says
• 30:56
  that it's just something wasn't right.
• 30:59
  That is true, though. That is so true. But there's some guy get very sensitive
• 31:03
  over that. Well, there was... They get dumped by text.
• 31:06
  There was one guy. And now here's the other thing. Some people give their personal
• 31:09
  phone numbers out early. Some people wait till later.
• 31:12
  Some people share their Instagram or their Facebook.
• 31:15
  If you're going to do that, make sure you have some privacy because you can
• 31:18
  track people with their phone numbers, guys.
• 31:20
  But depending on what your comfort level is, if
• 31:23
  you're talking texting texting someone in facebook or
• 31:26
  instagram like outside of the app just make sure you're comfortable
• 31:29
  make sure you're asking open-ended questions because i
• 31:32
  did have this one guy that i was texting and i would say hey how's your day
• 31:35
  going and it'll be fine i'd ask him a question he'd say yes or no i mean it
• 31:40
  was so dry oh wow and and he kept going kept going and i was just like oh this
• 31:44
  is the worst dry conversation i've ever had there was no substance and so i
• 31:48
  just stopped with him and i said you know what i just don't think we're a match Yeah.
• 31:51
  And don't over-message. What do you mean by over-message? So let's say I text you. Okay.
• 31:56
  And I say, diva cat, how's your day going? And you're going to respond with...
• 32:01
  Oh, it's going fine. How about yours?
• 32:03
  Oh, my day's going great. Today I'm going to do this, this and this.
• 32:07
  And then I'm going to do this, this and this and then I'm going to do this,
• 32:10
  this and this. And then I'm going to do this, this and this.
• 32:12
  And then I'm going to do that, and then I'm going to do this. What do you think?
• 32:14
  That is way too much. Well, you know what? I've got so much going on in my life.
• 32:18
  It's so full and complete right now.
• 32:20
  And I've got, and what does it come across as? Somebody that doesn't need a man. Yeah.
• 32:25
  And an oversharer. That is true. And someone that needs validation.
• 32:29
  Validation. Again, with the whole selfie thing. You need a balance.
• 32:32
  Okay, I see. And like. I see what you mean. And on the top of it,
• 32:36
  let's say they text you once, you text them back, they text you again,
• 32:38
  and then you text them 35 times. Yeah. That's over texting.
• 32:41
  Yeah. Generally, if you text them more than two or three times in a row, it's over texting.
• 32:46
  Yeah. So if they haven't responded. Now, if there's banter going on,
• 32:49
  that's fine. But if they text you, you text them. If they text you,
• 32:52
  you could text them back twice.
• 32:53
  Okay. And then they would text you again. Again. And if they don't, don't get upset.
• 32:58
  I see. People have jobs. People have children. Children. People have lives.
• 33:03
  It's okay not to answer your texts right away.
• 33:06
  It is. However, once you start dating and they set up a date,
• 33:10
  you're going to want them to make sure they follow up with you.
• 33:12
  If you're going out with a guy multiple times, I expect a man to show up.
• 33:16
  I expect a man to text me at least once a day. Hi, how's your day?
• 33:20
  You set your own rules and boundaries. The reality is, is if they're not texting
• 33:25
  you once a day or every, they're probably moving on.
• 33:28
  There's no interest. Oh, I see. Now, how about when after you text,
• 33:32
  well, wow, the first date you set up, the first date, is the dating app set
• 33:36
  it up for you? No, you set up, you go wherever you want.
• 33:39
  Oh, I see. I like to do, you got to go somewhere open. Don't ever invite a man
• 33:43
  back to your house the first date unless that's what you're looking for.
• 33:47
  Unless you want sex because they're going to assume that. And I don't ever have
• 33:51
  a man pick me up, which is new to me as well.
• 33:54
  Back in our generation, guys would pick you up at your house. The door. Yeah.
• 33:58
  They'd bring you flowers and you'd ride in their car. It's true.
• 34:01
  Yeah, now you don't get on the car.
• 34:03
  No, because you don't know who this person is. You don't know who it is.
• 34:05
  Back in the olden days when dinosaurs still roamed, we knew the people kind
• 34:11
  of because we would be set up by a friend or a family member. Yeah.
• 34:15
  We didn't just, I mean, this is paramount to picking a guy up at the bar and
• 34:19
  then having them into your house. You got risk there. I see.
• 34:22
  So you don't know who this person is. I don't care if you've been texting them
• 34:25
  for three months. You don't know this person. Yeah.
• 34:28
  Never mind all those diseases out there. Oh, we're not even talking about that.
• 34:31
  Yeah. If you're sleeping with somebody on the first date, then that's on you.
• 34:34
  Anyway. But you got to respect their boundaries and they should respect yours. Yeah.
• 34:38
  And then also, so here's the list of things I was told when I started dating.
• 34:42
  Okay. Tell a friend, drop a pin where you're going to be as soon as you get the date.
• 34:46
  As soon as you get there, tell a friend or drop a pin and then let them know that you're on a date.
• 34:51
  Okay. And if it's not going well, text a friend and then have them call you
• 34:55
  and tell you to tell them to leave or or you can just be balls it up like I
• 35:00
  do and say, I'm just not that into you.
• 35:02
  I'm just not having a great time. I think I'm going to leave. Yeah.
• 35:05
  It was nice. Thank you for meeting me. But I don't think we mesh.
• 35:08
  Yeah. I like honesty. Yeah.
• 35:10
  After the date. I mean, if you liked it, if you really liked it,
• 35:14
  I recommend sending a cute little text after it was a really fun date. And then they can, too.
• 35:19
  That's that's the thing is some people like, oh, we have to wait till the next
• 35:21
  day. I know you don't. If you had a good date, send a cute text after.
• 35:25
  I had a nice date with a man who, he's like, text me when you get home.
• 35:29
  It was very sweet. That's awesome. And very respectful. I mean, it was really nice.
• 35:33
  I will say dating all these, on these dating apps, not every man's going to be perfect.
• 35:38
  But take the things from each man that you like and make a notation down on
• 35:41
  a piece of paper or in your head or wherever you store all your stuff.
• 35:45
  I like it because I enjoy going on dates just because I like to see different
• 35:51
  personalities and what I enjoy in a person and what I don't.
• 35:53
  Yeah. Sometimes you meet someone, let's say you have five checkbox.
• 35:58
  If they meet three, would that be okay? No. You have to meet all five?
• 36:02
  Oh, I've got more than five. Yeah.
• 36:04
  There are some things that are optionals, but I do have my required list.
• 36:08
  Oh, wow. And my required list is not negotiable. Oh, I see. I see. Yeah.
• 36:12
  And I'm not negotiating. I'm not settling for anyone.
• 36:16
  Your profile said all that? My profile says what I'm looking for.
• 36:20
  What you're looking for. Yeah. Let's see. The other thing I recommend is you got to be honest.
• 36:25
  Be honest with and tell them what your intentions are.
• 36:28
  If your intention is just to date and not get married, you need to tell people
• 36:32
  that because there are people out there looking for marriage.
• 36:34
  Oh, I see. That they're dating with an intention to get married.
• 36:38
  To get married. Now, I'm not saying every date you have to go on is marriage
• 36:40
  potential. But if you're dating and you never want to get married,
• 36:44
  you need to let the other person know.
• 36:46
  I see. At the same time, if you're dating just to get laid or hook up.
• 36:50
  Hook up. Laid is what we used to call it. Now they call it hooking up.
• 36:54
  If you're dating just to hook up, then you need to let people know that too.
• 36:59
  Oh, wow. So people on the dating app doesn't always mean they want to be married. They just want to date.
• 37:04
  Some people just want to hook up. Some people just want for a nice dinner.
• 37:07
  Yeah. Some people want the nice dinner. Some people want to hook up. So that's the thing.
• 37:12
  I really appreciate the men that have told me they just want to hook up.
• 37:15
  I've learned something new today. And I like the fact that I'm not with them
• 37:18
  because that's not what I'm into.
• 37:20
  But I have to have a connection with someone before I sleep with them.
• 37:23
  I just can't just hook up with someone. It's just not who I am as a person.
• 37:27
  I don't do hookups. But when the guys tell me, I appreciate that.
• 37:30
  So we don't waste each other's time.
• 37:32
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I find that extremely respectful when somebody tells me they
• 37:37
  just want to hook up because they saved me some time.
• 37:40
  Okay. And that's respectful of my time. That is true.
• 37:44
  Time is important. Especially nowadays. I know. It's very important. Yeah.
• 37:49
  And then when you get rejected, if you tell somebody, you know what?
• 37:51
  I'm not into hookups. It's just not my thing. But I wish you the best.
• 37:55
  I actually told one guy that was really coming on heavy.
• 37:58
  And he was really pushy. I was like, you know what? You seem wonderful.
• 38:00
  We had some connection. I go, but I just can't hook up with somebody.
• 38:05
  I tried to convince myself mentally I could.
• 38:07
  But the more I thought about it, it turned my stomach. Is it really? Yeah.
• 38:11
  Physically, I just, I can't go there. But do you believe it's something love at the first sight?
• 38:16
  Sometimes when you met a man. I'm not hooking up with him on the first sight either.
• 38:20
  I'm not going to. I don't do that. That's not my thing. For some people it is.
• 38:24
  Yes. And I'm not judging crap.
• 38:26
  You do you. That's true. You do you.
• 38:28
  All I'm saying is I'm not the hookup girl. I just.
• 38:32
  Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. So your first date comes along. Okay. The first thing you
• 38:37
  have to do is... Don't be late.
• 38:39
  Exactly. Can you imagine showing up late on a date? Oh, my God.
• 38:43
  Yeah. That would be terrible. Terrible. And I honestly, if somebody showed up
• 38:46
  late and I did have a guy show up late and I went and got my own coffee and
• 38:50
  then when he got there, you know, and I do like to let a man buy my cup of coffee or... Okay.
• 38:55
  I'm not an expensive date, but show some respect to the lady. Right.
• 38:58
  Yeah. I went and just bought my own cup of coffee and I was just going to leave
• 39:01
  after he showed up 10 minutes late.
• 39:02
  But some women like to make a couple minutes late, be the entrance.
• 39:07
  They want to make sure the man's is there. Yeah, and then they're going to think
• 39:09
  you're rude. I think women should show up on time if you're expecting a man to show up on time.
• 39:13
  How about don't talk only about yourself? Yeah, so that guy that showed up late
• 39:17
  also talked. Talk about himself. Only about himself.
• 39:20
  The whole date was all about him. Oh, my God. And I sat there and shook my head
• 39:25
  thinking to myself, wow, this is a waste of time.
• 39:27
  The date ended after 30 minutes. He gave me a hug.
• 39:30
  He asked, could I have a second date? And I said, I don't think so. And then we walked away.
• 39:33
  I was surprised last 30 minutes knowing you.
• 39:36
  Well, I was just one, you know, I was observing.
• 39:39
  Now, he was younger. He was the youngest. I think he was like 36 or 38.
• 39:43
  Probably one of the youngest I've dated.
• 39:46
  It just wasn't a fit. No? How about phone users?
• 39:50
  How about what? How about they're using the phone? They're on the phone all the time.
• 39:54
  If you're texting people on a date, you shouldn't be going on a date.
• 39:58
  You need to learn better manners than that. That's not just date etiquette. That's basic manners.
• 40:03
  Yeah. If you're texting anyone and you're on a date with them,
• 40:07
  that's so disrespectful.
• 40:09
  Go back to your mama and have her teach you some manners. That's what I got to say.
• 40:13
  Yeah. I think the phone should be put it away. I mean, it's one thing if it
• 40:17
  rings and you have to take an emergency call and you're a doctor.
• 40:19
  Yeah. It's another if you're texting and laughing at your text when you're supposed
• 40:23
  to be sitting across from somebody learning about them.
• 40:26
  Right. But if he's a doctor, when he met you, he would tell you right away,
• 40:29
  oh, I'm on call, so I might have to pick up phone sometime.
• 40:32
  Yeah. That would be the right nice way to put it. Yeah.
• 40:35
  Yeah. So how about drinking?
• 40:38
  No. Yeah, you don't drink too much. If you're going on a date,
• 40:41
  don't drink excessively.
• 40:44
  You want to keep your wits about you for safety purposes anyway.
• 40:47
  You don't want to come across as an alcoholic.
• 40:49
  That's true. I don't even drink. So when I go on dates, I don't have anything.
• 40:53
  So for me, it's just, you know, I'm there to learn to see if this person is a good match.
• 40:58
  And I want to possibly create a relationship that could potentially grow into more.
• 41:02
  How about also don't overshare?
• 41:05
  Yeah. So that's a big red flag. If you're on a date and I have had this happen
• 41:09
  with men, all they do is talk about their ex-wife.
• 41:12
  Oh, God. Yeah. Or their last girlfriend.
• 41:15
  Now, it's one thing to mention it. mm-hmm
• 41:18
  that oh yes I was married for 28 years it ended
• 41:21
  and yeah then move on then move on or you can say
• 41:24
  something like I really don't want to dwell on my past uh-huh I have had it
• 41:28
  before if I I've asked a man what happened because they were married for like
• 41:32
  25 years uh-huh he's like well it just didn't work out and I was like oh does
• 41:36
  she still talk to you and she he's like no she hates me oh okay that's kind
• 41:40
  of like a red flag because you know that.
• 41:42
  He did some really bad stuff because if a typically
• 41:45
  if a spouse won't talk to the other spouse or is really upset
• 41:48
  and mad there's cheating involved typically typically or
• 41:51
  child abuse or spousal abuse right so
• 41:54
  it's a red flag for me so i do ask that question even
• 41:57
  though some people say don't ask about their exes i do want to
• 42:00
  have a basic understanding and if a
• 42:03
  guy says yeah my wife cheated on me then i'm like okay cool cool you
• 42:06
  know i'm actually okay with that yeah if a guy gets cheated
• 42:09
  on it's okay yeah because then i know he wasn't the
• 42:12
  cheater usually yeah sometimes they both cheat but
• 42:15
  he's like yeah my wife cheated on me we broke up and i was loyal for
• 42:18
  20 years but i don't want to talk about it don't sit there and
• 42:21
  tell the story right nobody cares nobody cares yeah
• 42:24
  they do bottom line they do here's the thing people do
• 42:27
  care i don't want to say nobody cares people do care but they don't
• 42:29
  care on a first date i see if you're going into oversharing
• 42:34
  or trauma dumping your trauma oh they abused me and
• 42:36
  they're a narcissist and they were so terrible to me for
• 42:39
  years and and i'm so glad i'm out but i'm much
• 42:42
  happier now and i've heard people go there uh-huh they're
• 42:45
  not happy you're not happy with you you're not ready to date i see
• 42:48
  because you're not ready to be you you're not
• 42:51
  standing on your own two feet yet you're still in your past relationship
• 42:55
  oh you still tie up you're still tied so
• 42:57
  you're not even close to ready to date so you know maybe
• 43:01
  you're a forever texter then because you're not even close and i have had
• 43:04
  people that you know they don't seem like they're trauma dumping until.
• 43:07
  You get face to face and they seem so good via
• 43:10
  text and then you or you talk to them on the phone or
• 43:13
  face to face and it's it's like no some people write
• 43:16
  better though some people get better but most people get
• 43:18
  worse most people are worse if you don't
• 43:21
  like them on text don't go on dates with them because it's it's terrible
• 43:24
  and i personally like to talk to somebody a couple times on
• 43:27
  the phone maybe even facetime them so you actually see
• 43:30
  their face I see prior to going on
• 43:33
  the date I love FaceTiming because then I know what I'm getting into I
• 43:36
  will see a lot of the men on the profiles look a
• 43:39
  lot older in person than they do on their profiles because they're
• 43:42
  filtering their pictures for sure and I'm
• 43:45
  sure women do too but it's a huge huge
• 43:48
  difference I mean I've had guys with dark hair on their profiles come
• 43:51
  in full white hair ahead of hair so you know it is a big difference but yeah
• 43:57
  don't trauma dump on anyone because when you do that it's not good yeah don't
• 44:02
  be rude to the staff or stranger at like at a restaurant yeah if you're if you're
• 44:07
  snotty and like somebody asked for your order okay.
• 44:11
  This is a huge red flag for men and women if somebody asks for your order and
• 44:15
  you're bitchy oh no or you send your food back really i mean it's one thing
• 44:20
  if you ask for well done and it comes out raw but if it comes out medium and
• 44:23
  you're okay you can deal with it deal with it
• 44:25
  The more high-maintenance you look at a restaurant on a first date,
• 44:30
  nobody's going to take you on a second date.
• 44:31
  Yeah, that's true. And you know what? This is from my own personal experience.
• 44:35
  My husband always says, if you date a woman, the man just says,
• 44:38
  oh, I don't know what I want to eat. What's good here?
• 44:41
  That's very true. Yeah, they're indecisive. A woman needs to be decisive.
• 44:46
  I do like a man that wants to order for me, but you do need to know that I have
• 44:49
  a lot of food restrictions just because I have health issues.
• 44:52
  But I do like bottled water. I'm one of those bottled water snobs because I don't like tap.
• 44:57
  And I don't eat a lot of red meat. I'm more of a fish or a sea bass.
• 45:02
  What would you select? Or I like shrimp. You want to order for me?
• 45:05
  You know, I don't like fried food, so don't order me fried.
• 45:09
  Typically on a first date, the guy shouldn't be ordering for you anyway.
• 45:12
  But once they get to know you, or let's say you go for coffee.
• 45:15
  If the guy remembers your coffee order. Oh, God, yes.
• 45:18
  And they order your coffee the next time and you show up and they have it ready
• 45:22
  for you. Oh, that is romantic. I think so too. Coffee is a big thing.
• 45:25
  If they know how you take your coffee, it's a yes. It's a guy that pays attention
• 45:29
  to you. Yes. And that means they're very interested.
• 45:32
  I think that's why I like it when a guy orders for me. I've never had a guy,
• 45:35
  I don't want a guy ordering for me on the first, second, or even third date,
• 45:38
  but maybe by the fourth or fifth date.
• 45:40
  If we go back to a restaurant that they know what I like and they order for me. Yeah.
• 45:44
  I would love that. At least they know that you like bottled water.
• 45:47
  Yeah. She's going to do bottled water. She's going to do bottled water.
• 45:51
  Yeah. And a nice tea or something like that. Yeah. Yeah.
• 45:54
  Yeah. That you know that he's a keeper. Yeah. Well, he's moving up. He's moving up.
• 46:00
  And some women take offense when a guy, you know what? I don't.
• 46:03
  I like a guy that opens doors for me.
• 46:04
  I like a guy that takes charge because the reality is if you're taking charge
• 46:08
  for him, that you're going to be taking charge for him for the whole relationship
• 46:11
  and you are going to get exhausted.
• 46:12
  I've been there, done that. I don't want to order for a man anymore.
• 46:15
  I don't want to take care of a man.
• 46:17
  I want a man to balance me and protect me and make me feel safe.
• 46:21
  I think that's a guy's responsibility, but that's just me. Yeah.
• 46:24
  You did a very good job, though. Your boys opened the door for me.
• 46:27
  Yeah, my boys are very respectful.
• 46:28
  And they're learning to be very respectful. Yes, yes. Don't bring your conversation
• 46:33
  topic, right? Controversial, yeah. Controversial. Don't talk politics.
• 46:36
  Oh, God. Politics and religion is a no-no. Yeah.
• 46:39
  Although, don't talk the weather either. I mean, you can briefly talk on the
• 46:42
  weather. I had one guy that all he wanted to do was talk about the weather.
• 46:45
  Talk about the weather and that's it.
• 46:47
  When they start talking about the weather, they're bored. They're bored. Yeah.
• 46:52
  Yeah. So you can say, oh, my gosh. Now, if it's so cold outside,
• 46:55
  I know I'd be like, I'm so cold, too.
• 46:57
  Uh-huh. And then they might scooch over and try, I'll keep you warm. That'd be kind of cute.
• 47:01
  But yeah, don't go into politics. I don't care what your political affiliation is.
• 47:05
  Now, if politics is part of your core and who you are, you need to know that
• 47:11
  before you even go out with the person.
• 47:13
  If it's going to be a make or break for you, like I'm okay.
• 47:17
  I'm a very moderate person. I'd be okay a little bit to the left,
• 47:20
  a little bit to the right. I like right down the middle.
• 47:22
  I tend to go more right than left, but right down the middle.
• 47:25
  I'd be okay if somebody's a little bit to the left of the moderate.
• 47:27
  I don't like the extremes on either side.
• 47:30
  But there are people that typically on the extremes.
• 47:33
  Oh, yeah. That only like people on the extremes. So if you're an extreme left
• 47:37
  person, you only want extremely progressive people.
• 47:41
  If you're extreme right people, you only want extremely right people.
• 47:45
  You should ask that before you go out because you're not going to like anyone else.
• 47:48
  Yeah. I just think politics should live with you. You should.
• 47:51
  But some people are very big into politics. So if you are. Mm-hmm.
• 47:55
  Know yourself okay and if you know you're not
• 47:58
  going to want to be with someone if you're a far
• 48:01
  right republican and you don't like
• 48:04
  far left progressive democrats don't date
• 48:07
  them don't date them yeah yeah i mean it shouldn't be rocket science but sometimes
• 48:11
  it is that like some people may be negative i know and that part of that is
• 48:16
  politics too and the way our culture is but people have become more and more
• 48:19
  negative if someone's negative through a whole conversation oh no i i can't. I can't do it. Yeah, no.
• 48:25
  I'm a very positive, uplifting person. And it was funny. I went to a guy who
• 48:28
  was so positive on text messaging and he was complaining about how he hated
• 48:32
  negative people so much.
• 48:34
  I was like, this is great. He's not into negative people. And then I talked
• 48:39
  to him on the phone. I didn't even go on a date with him.
• 48:40
  First thing, get on the phone. He's complaining about his ex-girlfriend.
• 48:44
  And then he tells me that she got pregnant on purpose.
• 48:48
  And I was like, I dodged a bullet. I spent 10 minutes with him on the phone.
• 48:52
  I didn't even have to get ready for a date. That's awesome. That's the thing.
• 48:55
  That's why phone calls and video chats are so important.
• 48:58
  I'll get my hair ready for a video chat and stuff, but I don't want to get all
• 49:01
  dolled up and dressed up to go on a date if this guy's just not the one.
• 49:05
  And you can tell from a phone call.
• 49:06
  Yeah. And you can tell from a video chat.
• 49:09
  So save yourself some time. That's true. If they don't want a video chat or
• 49:12
  phone call, there's a scam there. That should be a fact.
• 49:16
  That should be a class for you. Or they're too shy and you don't want somebody
• 49:19
  that's shy and insecure.
• 49:20
  And you don't want to move too fast either, don't you think?
• 49:23
  And I have, on occasion, moved faster than I wanted to.
• 49:26
  I don't know something about being in my 50s and my libido is a little higher.
• 49:30
  I try to slow myself down.
• 49:33
  And you don't want to be chasing a man. It's the guy's job to chase the woman.
• 49:37
  It really is. It's instinctual.
• 49:39
  Yeah. I was going to ask, was it on the flip side? The guy move fast.
• 49:43
  What would you do? It would be a turn off.
• 49:45
  Is it? For some reason, guys like women that are more open, but men like men
• 49:49
  that don't like, well, I don't know.
• 49:54
  I don't know. It depends on what you're looking for. And everyone has different seasons, right?
• 49:59
  Sometimes they might be looking for someone to move a little faster.
• 50:03
  And sometimes they might be looking for a relationship. If you're looking for
• 50:06
  a relationship, I don't think you're moving very fast.
• 50:09
  And I also think the hygiene, the teeth is my, the teeth got to have a,
• 50:14
  the teeth got to be clean.
• 50:16
  Yeah. So hygiene and the way they dress is kind of one. I'm going to group those together.
• 50:20
  Yeah. So, like, if they have bad teeth or a bad breath or body odor or a wrinkly shirt.
• 50:29
  Oh, no. Okay. So, I met this one guy on a date and he showed up in a Ralph Lauren shirt, T-shirt. Okay.
• 50:36
  White. That was all wrinkly. I was like, did you get that?
• 50:39
  I mean, it was Ralph Lauren, though. And cargo pants, right?
• 50:43
  Cargo shorts, actually. It was summertime.
• 50:45
  This one I actually thought was going to be good because we texted and talked
• 50:48
  on the phone. We really meshed. He had a master's degree.
• 50:51
  He was very intellectual, but he was fun, too. He had both. The balance of intelligence
• 50:54
  and common sense. So I was like, oh, this might be a good one.
• 50:57
  Showed up. Yeah. And then he had a wrinkly shirt. Oh, wow. He was all sweaty.
• 51:02
  I don't like sweaty men. And granted, it was a hot summer. But if you're going
• 51:06
  to be a sweaty man, go in the bathroom first. Dry yourself off.
• 51:08
  I don't know. Yeah. Anyway, we talked.
• 51:10
  And then he tried to be my therapist through the whole meal.
• 51:13
  Oh, my God. He wanted to pronounce how healed he was.
• 51:16
  And him showing me that he was my therapist because he knew I was only divorced
• 51:20
  for a year, but I think I've actually done pretty well. I didn't want to talk about my divorce.
• 51:25
  Everything I said, he tried to psychoanalyze. He goes, you know what that means, don't you?
• 51:29
  I'm like, that I like to go hiking. He's like, well, you're trying to escape
• 51:32
  something. I'm like, what? No, I just like to go hiking.
• 51:38
  He's not a psychiatrist. So that was even weirder, But it was like he was trying
• 51:42
  to act like he was better than me because he'd been divorced for like four years.
• 51:46
  Anyway. Yeah. Like he has more experience. And more experience.
• 51:49
  So then we go to the parking lot.
• 51:51
  Middle. This is a lunch date, by the way. Middle of the day.
• 51:53
  Oh, my God. I gave him a hug. And I pulled back.
• 51:57
  Did he stay? No. He wasn't the best smeller. But, you know, he was sweaty.
• 52:01
  It was hot. So I gave him a little bit of grace.
• 52:03
  I said I had a really nice time. He goes, I did too. So I leaned in and I gave him a kiss.
• 52:08
  And then I leaned back. Like, oh, he took advantage of that.
• 52:11
  He went all in. And okay, so the problem was this was in the middle of the parking lot.
• 52:16
  There was a kid in cars next to us looking in the window at us.
• 52:20
  It was right in front of a restaurant. There was a restaurant full of people
• 52:22
  looking at. And I'm like, you know, I'm not into like groping in the middle of the day.
• 52:26
  Yeah. And he was leaning me against the car, like pinning me to the car.
• 52:30
  No way. And I just, I pulled back. I mean, it was, it was like over the top.
• 52:35
  I felt like I got squished.
• 52:37
  You know what I mean? He got really excited, basically. Wow.
• 52:40
  And so I leaned back and I pulled away and I hugged him because it was the only
• 52:44
  way I could get to because I was squished against the car.
• 52:47
  And I said, I'm really not into like,
• 52:49
  this aggressive of PDAs in the middle of the day. In the parking lot.
• 52:52
  And in a parking lot. PDAs, by the way, are public displays of affection.
• 52:55
  So I was like, wow. So that was too much. So he moved too fast.
• 52:59
  You know, and I really liked him. I could have gone somewhere.
• 53:03
  The problem was it was just too much.
• 53:05
  He moved too fast. Too fast. Too fast. Your high jeans are not good.
• 53:09
  Your high jeans weren't good. You know, it's hot during the summertime.
• 53:13
  You could just wear your linen. Yeah, but then you sweat in linen.
• 53:16
  I mean, but it was a cotton t-shirt. Oh, wow. Yeah.
• 53:20
  How about would you prefer them to pay on your first date? I do. I do.
• 53:24
  You do? I want them to pay. On the first date? On every date.
• 53:28
  Oh, okay. I make plenty of money. I can pay for the date.
• 53:32
  Part of me allowing a man into my life is to make sure that they can provide
• 53:38
  for themselves and for the family.
• 53:40
  Right. Because I can provide for the family myself.
• 53:43
  I don't need a man to do that. But I also don't want to bring a man in that
• 53:46
  can't provide for themselves and provide for the family.
• 53:49
  Right. So if they can't, you're not coming into my life because I'm perfectly happy alone.
• 53:54
  That's so true. Why you add extra? I don't need to add the extra stuff.
• 53:57
  I'm not your mom. Are you a man or are you a boy?
• 54:01
  Well, some men think the first date, you should go half and half. No.
• 54:04
  If a guy wants to do half and half, they're not the right man for me.
• 54:08
  Now, other women may say that's what they want. But I will tell you that I have
• 54:12
  taken care of a man before. and I did not like it.
• 54:15
  And I did not be like being the primary breadwinner and having a man unemployed
• 54:20
  half of the relationship.
• 54:21
  So I did not enjoy that. How about like on the first, the third date,
• 54:25
  maybe you could buy him back? Oh, I'm an over-gifter, don't get me wrong.
• 54:29
  I give gifts, probably over-gift too much.
• 54:33
  And I take care of men and I will do things for men and gift things for men. But.
• 54:40
  Going for dinner or coffee yeah if i'm buying
• 54:43
  my own coffee or my own dinner i don't
• 54:46
  like you yeah i'm an old school though i think a
• 54:49
  man should take care of women they probably should but if
• 54:51
  i pay for myself i don't want a second date yeah if i pay for my coffee because
• 54:56
  you're late i'm not going out again yeah in fact i was literally going to give
• 54:59
  him three more minutes and i was going to walk out the door yeah i think if
• 55:02
  you're late you're just disrespectful it's disrespectful yeah yeah and and he
• 55:06
  texted five minutes after oh i'm finding parking i'm You should have left earlier.
• 55:10
  Yeah. Yeah. I did have one guy where I went for dinner with my kids. Okay.
• 55:16
  My nanny took my kids and then he met me for a drink after dinner.
• 55:20
  Uh-huh. It was so sweet. He showed up. You know, it was cute.
• 55:23
  He showed up. He was, I was working on something, but it was cute.
• 55:25
  And I waited for him and we had drinks.
• 55:27
  I had coffee and he had something else. And it was, it was like one drink.
• 55:31
  It wasn't a lot. So I ended up paying for everything because I didn't cash the
• 55:35
  kids out and I wasn't going to have a guy show up. Uh-huh.
• 55:38
  For one drink and pay for, you know, $150, $200 for a meal for my family. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
• 55:44
  That's, ladies, come on, let's be respectful. Yeah, that's different.
• 55:48
  So I bought his drink in that instance.
• 55:50
  And it was still, it wasn't me. And he was offended. Is he? He took offense
• 55:54
  to the fact that I bought his drink. I go, well, I didn't cash out.
• 55:57
  I go, you'll get me next time. Right.
• 55:58
  He was offended because I didn't
• 56:00
  let him buy it. And that actually made me happy that he was offended.
• 56:04
  Mm-hmm. Because that showed me that he would be the type of man that would be a provider.
• 56:09
  And it's not the money, guys. Yes. It's the, are you a provider or are you not?
• 56:15
  Are you going to take care of a family or are you going to use a woman and try to be a gold digger?
• 56:19
  And that's what it gets down to for me. That's true. As a professional woman,
• 56:23
  I don't want any gold diggers.
• 56:25
  No. I want a man to match or be better than me. And if they don't, I don't want them.
• 56:29
  Yeah. I think the man, when you show up for a date, you should at least have
• 56:33
  something in your hand for your date, no? Yes. Like flowers.
• 56:36
  Yes. Flowers are a big thing for me. Flowers are okay. Yeah. They don't have to.
• 56:40
  On a first date, if it's just coffee, they don't have to come with flowers.
• 56:43
  If they do, it's an added bonus. Yeah.
• 56:46
  And I did date a guy that didn't have a lot of money. And there were dates that
• 56:49
  I paid for. And then there was dates that he paid for.
• 56:52
  And that was okay because I realized he didn't have a lot of money.
• 56:55
  And I had a past with him and I cared. So I didn't care.
• 57:01
  But would I do that with a new guy? Absolutely not. If it was a new guy I was
• 57:05
  trying to date that I didn't know and he wanted me to buy even his coffee.
• 57:09
  No. Yeah, like you're failing these days to continue. When you get home,
• 57:13
  you're texting, have a very nice day.
• 57:15
  Maybe you can meet the second date. Now, if the guy doesn't text you back,
• 57:19
  will you text him again? Like you go after your date?
• 57:22
  If I text a guy and said, I have a really nice date, thank you so much,
• 57:24
  and they don't text me within 24 hours, I'm not going to text them back.
• 57:27
  I see. But they could wait till the next morning to text me.
• 57:30
  That would be fine. Yeah.
• 57:31
  Now, I also date all different races and ethnicities, etc.
• 57:37
  And one of the things I've found is that some people are racist.
• 57:41
  Oh, yeah. And they don't think they're being racist, but they'll make comments
• 57:44
  like, wow, look at all these white people here.
• 57:47
  Yeah, yeah. Or something like that. And that's kind of a racist comment.
• 57:50
  Because I'm not really seeing the color of the fact that I'm out with you on
• 57:53
  a date in the first place.
• 57:54
  Yeah. So if you want to be racist, don't go out with me. don't
• 57:57
  make income comments either like i don't have any money or i'm
• 58:00
  so poor i can't afford that those types of limited mindset
• 58:03
  conversations don't sit well with me i don't think it's just you don't it just
• 58:08
  turn off i think it's a turn off and if you're telling a woman on a date that
• 58:11
  you're out for coffee with and how you can't afford anything why is a woman
• 58:14
  going to stick around with you right they want a man that steps up uh-huh yeah
• 58:19
  so not how i know dating dating app is all new things for me.
• 58:23
  When you're first dead, what women should avoid?
• 58:27
  I think if you talk all about yourself, they're going to get annoyed as well.
• 58:31
  If you're late, and I get it, things happen if you have a flat or you get into traffic, I get it.
• 58:37
  You better text them on the way before the date starts.
• 58:40
  Right. And say, hey, I'm running 15 minutes late. I just want to let you know.
• 58:43
  Not like past five minutes and then text them. No.
• 58:46
  And so don't talk about you. Don't talk about your ex excessively.
• 58:50
  Don't try to game them or scam them. They're going to see you as a fake person.
• 58:54
  If you're fake and you come across fake, people don't like that.
• 58:57
  The reality is, is dating should be honest.
• 59:00
  Yeah. If you get to the point on a date with someone that you can actually be
• 59:04
  vulnerable to, and they're vulnerable with you, then you have a connection.
• 59:07
  Yes. If you're not honest, you're not even getting to the level of vulnerability.
• 59:11
  Yeah. It's fake, fake, fake. And people don't like fakeness.
• 59:15
  I think if you click, everything else should come naturally? Do you believe in that?
• 59:20
  No. I think that clicking is a hard one.
• 59:23
  Some people click physically and don't click emotionally or with their mentality.
• 59:28
  So people, it depends on the person. So clicking is relative, right?
• 59:32
  I think when you have a first date, you have to think about what to talk or
• 59:37
  to discuss about next besides politic money.
• 59:40
  You should not continue well and i kind of have the
• 59:43
  benefit of i grew up very poor so i don't
• 59:46
  act entitled except for probably my bottled water you are
• 59:49
  bottled i am a bottled water woman but i you don't
• 59:52
  act entitled or snobby or bitchy
• 59:56
  or talk about other people or complain a lot
• 59:58
  or play the victim card in reality
• 1:00:02
  if that's who you are guys go take a look
• 1:00:04
  in the mirror and work on yourself before you start dating yeah because
• 1:00:08
  nobody wants a victim nobody wants a complainer no nobody
• 1:00:11
  wants a snob entitled person even the rich people
• 1:00:14
  i'm telling you even if you're well off if you're a
• 1:00:17
  snob most people don't want to be around you no they
• 1:00:20
  don't care that's another thing too i i actually double date
• 1:00:22
  with one of our friends that she met through bumbles yeah and
• 1:00:25
  we go to this nice restaurant he acts a macho man
• 1:00:29
  yeah like he you know he knows everybody there
• 1:00:32
  he's a guy that i think that's such a turnoff too that can
• 1:00:35
  be a turnoff you know it it's yeah i don't think
• 1:00:37
  she continue yeah yeah as going back to
• 1:00:40
  the money thing i kind of do expect them to pay for
• 1:00:43
  a meal but at the same time i'm not ordering the lobster if
• 1:00:47
  that makes sense that's another thing you have to be if you go on a
• 1:00:49
  date and you act like they get to pay for everything and you order you know
• 1:00:53
  lobsters or five lobsters and eat like like crazy like you did on your first
• 1:00:57
  date i don't know if a guy'd come back you ate like crazy on your first date
• 1:01:01
  right i know but but lops like don't over go crazy ordering everything on the
• 1:01:05
  menu i also was very drunk too yeah you were very drunk.
• 1:01:10
  There you go. Don't drink too much. I mean, that's just the big thing.
• 1:01:13
  I mean, oh, the other thing I was warned about is watch your drink glasses because
• 1:01:17
  people can stick roofies into your drinks.
• 1:01:20
  Oh, yeah. It is actually a thing. And don't take a friend along because you're scared.
• 1:01:24
  If you have a friend go with you, don't have them sit at your table.
• 1:01:27
  They can sit at the bar and look over to make sure you're safe and then leave.
• 1:01:31
  But don't take a friend on the date. Yeah, I think if you're comfortable to
• 1:01:35
  meet the guy, you should not have to do a thing besides just pin,
• 1:01:39
  you know, let them know where you are, no?
• 1:01:41
  Well, hopefully, but I mean, if you're scared enough to have to bring a friend,
• 1:01:44
  he's probably not the guy you should be going out with. That's what I'm thinking, yeah.
• 1:01:47
  Don't talk about your marriage to the point of that it turns people off. Yeah.
• 1:01:52
  I don't think you should. If you're mentioning your ex more than three times
• 1:01:55
  in a date conversation, you're talking about it too much.
• 1:01:59
  Yeah. To me, for you, two persons on the date should be just...
• 1:02:02
  It should be about learning about them. Right.
• 1:02:04
  They may ask, were you married? That might be a question. You say,
• 1:02:07
  yes, I was married for X number of years. It didn't work out.
• 1:02:10
  My ex cheated on me, but I've moved on. Yeah. And then you end it. Right.
• 1:02:14
  You don't go into detail. Well, you know, it was with his assistant and,
• 1:02:17
  you know. All of this. All this stuff. And then also don't talk about your kids too much. No?
• 1:02:23
  No, because if you're talking on a first date a lot about your kids,
• 1:02:26
  it makes it look like all you're doing is looking for a baby daddy.
• 1:02:29
  That is true. Some people like to talk about the dogs. Dogs are okay. Yeah.
• 1:02:35
  Dogs are okay. Dogs are okay. But for kids, I don't know. I think it's like
• 1:02:38
  a faux pas because then you're like, you look like you're looking for somebody for a baby daddy.
• 1:02:42
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dogs are okay, guys. And don't manipulate the guy either.
• 1:02:47
  Like put him through a trial test, you know, if they open the door for you or
• 1:02:51
  something. But don't like go crazy with testing a guy because it's just going to piss him off. Yeah.
• 1:02:55
  So I think the guy, I think I felt very attractive if the guy had like macho dog pictures.
• 1:03:01
  Macho dog pictures? You're next to him. You are about the macho animals that
• 1:03:04
  people have in their house.
• 1:03:07
  I will say I tend to overdress rather than underdress. Oh, yeah, definitely.
• 1:03:11
  I don't dress like way over, but I always dress professionally.
• 1:03:17
  Always. You always do go off to lunch, you dress. I dress professionally,
• 1:03:21
  always. I don't dress in sweats and a t-shirt anywhere if I leave the house.
• 1:03:26
  Except for you do. So yoga panties are no-no. Well, you can do yoga pants with a nicer shirt.
• 1:03:32
  I mean, you can fake yoga pants into making it look nice. I've done that before.
• 1:03:35
  Yeah, I'm not sure. So you're still comfortable, but you look nice.
• 1:03:38
  And then you throw a nice little blazer on and there you go.
• 1:03:40
  You got a nice outfit. That's true.
• 1:03:42
  I would tend to dress nicer and make sure you do yourself up.
• 1:03:45
  Because if you think for guys too, I mean, we take effort on a date to make ourselves look good.
• 1:03:52
  It takes hours. This is the reason why I don't, if I talk to them on the phone
• 1:03:57
  and I don't like them, I don't waste my time getting ready.
• 1:03:59
  Because I'm going to spend at least an hour doing my hair, my makeup,
• 1:04:03
  finding the right outfit.
• 1:04:04
  And then I'm wanting the guy to plan the location because guys,
• 1:04:08
  if I'm spending a couple hours getting ready, you can spend five minutes finding
• 1:04:12
  the location and you can spend 15 minutes in the shower and brushing your hair.
• 1:04:18
  I agree. And iron your damn white t-shirt.
• 1:04:21
  Yes. If you're going to show up on a date and you show up in wrinkly clothes
• 1:04:26
  that aren't supposed to be wrinkly, you know what I mean? Yeah.
• 1:04:28
  Then I don't want a second date. What do you think about ripped jeans?
• 1:04:31
  I think with jeans um well you
• 1:04:34
  know it depends i guess if you were going to a you
• 1:04:37
  know a cowboy club and that's the
• 1:04:40
  style i will i'm you know i'm not gonna date myself because
• 1:04:43
  when i was growing up when i was younger we had like the cut
• 1:04:46
  off jeans and yeah you know the rip right by
• 1:04:49
  the butt you know and that was the style so
• 1:04:52
  and styles come and go so it depends on the style but it also depends on the
• 1:04:56
  venue where you're going to yeah yeah yeah i agree i agree so if you're a man
• 1:05:01
  here's my big no-nos if you show up late and you don't apologize and you don't
• 1:05:05
  text me that you're coming late don't want don't expect a second date no I do not appreciate.
• 1:05:11
  Wasting my time ever so if
• 1:05:14
  you're going to waste the limited precious time that i have that i
• 1:05:17
  have limited of on this planet i'm just
• 1:05:19
  not going out again and if i give you a date you've actually
• 1:05:23
  gone through a lot of screening to actually get that date yeah because i not
• 1:05:26
  only screened your picture i then i screened your biography then i screened
• 1:05:31
  you on the text messages then i screened you on the phone and possibly a video
• 1:05:34
  chat as well so if you get a date with me you're unique I don't go out on a date with anybody.
• 1:05:40
  So be respectful of my time because I took time to get ready to see you.
• 1:05:43
  Yeah, I think most of women have to agree with you on that part.
• 1:05:46
  The men should not be late.
• 1:05:48
  And don't talk about yourself endlessly. Yeah. The guy that came late and then
• 1:05:53
  talked about himself, I was wanting to give him a chance. He was younger.
• 1:05:56
  I was like, maybe he'll be different in person.
• 1:05:57
  And he was the same on the phone as he was in person. He talked about himself
• 1:06:00
  endlessly on the phone. Oh, no.
• 1:06:02
  So it was obvious to me. I was like, that was a lesson for me.
• 1:06:06
  If they talk about themselves endlessly on the phone or they do stuff on the
• 1:06:09
  phone that you don't like, there's no point in even going on a date.
• 1:06:13
  Yeah, waste your time. Because they're going to be the same.
• 1:06:15
  So the phone conversation, I think, is very important.
• 1:06:18
  If it was me, I would first text. Then I'd get on a phone call with them.
• 1:06:23
  And if they make it past the phone call, then you can do a video chat because
• 1:06:26
  you do have to do your hair for the video chat. And then you could go on a date.
• 1:06:31
  If you video chat with them, you don't see them the way you like it.
• 1:06:34
  You could just that's the thing is the nice thing about a video chat
• 1:06:37
  is it's not just the words it's the body language and if
• 1:06:40
  someone can't keep eye contact on a
• 1:06:43
  video chat yes they it makes me feel like they're not trustworthy and i don't
• 1:06:49
  want to go out with them on a date so if i'm video chatting someone and you're
• 1:06:52
  talking to them you're looking at the screen they're looking away and they're
• 1:06:54
  looking over there and they can't they can't look at you either they're extremely
• 1:06:58
  insecure which i I don't like secure people because they tend to be narcissistic in the long run.
• 1:07:03
  And I don't like people that can't make eye contact. Wow, diva mia.
• 1:07:08
  I'm picky. You're not picky. You just have your standards. Well, I just know.
• 1:07:11
  Yeah, you know what you like. Because if I get in front of a person and they
• 1:07:13
  can't look me in the eye, I can't be in a relationship with them. Yeah.
• 1:07:18
  And I think the same things apply to men as women. It's like if a guy is rude
• 1:07:22
  to the staff, you don't want them around.
• 1:07:25
  I mean, if they're rude to them, they're going to probably be rude to you eventually.
• 1:07:28
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you didn't cook the right meal for them.
• 1:07:30
  They get pissed off, right? They get all bossy. Oh, yeah.
• 1:07:33
  What happens? You cannot get home, you know? They'd be all bossy,
• 1:07:37
  too. Or if they, I had one guy.
• 1:07:40
  You were talking about how to know when, you know, if somebody's too aggressive.
• 1:07:43
  I had one guy one date. This is why I screened more than I ever did.
• 1:07:47
  Because I actually got off the dating apps after this one date because it was so terrible.
• 1:07:51
  So I found this guy on a dating app. We texted a few times. He seemed nice.
• 1:07:56
  Talked to him once on the phone. He seemed sweet.
• 1:07:58
  Okay. We showed up at a bar, a bar slash restaurant.
• 1:08:04
  It's pretty full. So he says, why don't we go outside? It was a little chilly,
• 1:08:06
  but it wasn't bad. He's like, I'll keep you warm. I thought that was sweet. It was sweet.
• 1:08:10
  But I had a red flag because as soon as I showed up, he walks right up to me and kisses me.
• 1:08:14
  He's like, I thought I'd get that out of the way. I was like,
• 1:08:16
  that was expected. And then he
• 1:08:18
  had waited for me in the parking lot to see what I drove, which is fine.
• 1:08:21
  Okay which is a tesla uh-huh and
• 1:08:24
  then he kept he's like so when are you gonna buy me a tesla not any
• 1:08:27
  it was a joke yeah and it you know
• 1:08:30
  the first time it was a joke the first time but then he
• 1:08:32
  brought it up four or five more times and i was
• 1:08:35
  like okay this is getting annoying you don't know when to stop i'm not
• 1:08:38
  buying you a freaking tesla i just met and it got worse from there
• 1:08:40
  so first he kissed me then he was talking about the tesla and then
• 1:08:43
  i'll then he started reaching out my skirt oh this is
• 1:08:46
  also why i tend to not wear skirts unless i know the guy uh-huh he
• 1:08:49
  started reaching up my skirt on the first date literally and i was like
• 1:08:52
  what the hell i just restaurant you said yeah in the
• 1:08:55
  restaurant oh no yeah he had a jacket he draped over
• 1:08:57
  because we were sitting next to each other he had a jacket he draped over our lap
• 1:09:00
  and as soon as he did his hand went up my dress oh
• 1:09:03
  no he's tried to kiss me and i was i was like pulling away that
• 1:09:06
  date lasted maybe 20 minutes and i went home
• 1:09:09
  yeah and he thought it was a good date oh he oh he dropped
• 1:09:12
  lines he's like well you know there's a hotel over the across the way i
• 1:09:15
  was like yeah so he was looking for a hookup that's in
• 1:09:17
  other ways and why you got to be honest so you know
• 1:09:20
  he texted me after he said i had a great date love to get
• 1:09:23
  together with you again i said you know what it's just not good i think i'm
• 1:09:25
  not ready to date this is we're just gonna have to be friends and this was after
• 1:09:29
  also right after i don't know maybe six months after i got divorced and i had
• 1:09:33
  just started dating i was shocked wow because i had never been manhandled like
• 1:09:36
  that oh my god and he didn't get the hint because i kept pulling away from him
• 1:09:40
  he kept coming forward i was like no yeah i think that's so disrespectful.
• 1:09:44
  It is disrespectful it is it's hard nowadays
• 1:09:47
  huh well and if a guy gets drunk and you have to
• 1:09:49
  take a guy home then oh no yeah no that's not good either
• 1:09:52
  there's another one no or if you show up and the guy doesn't have any plans
• 1:09:56
  and you're like he's like let's meet for coffee and then we'll go from there
• 1:10:01
  and you're like okay great and you show up you meet for coffee and and you're
• 1:10:06
  like so what do you want to do now he's like oh i don't have any plans what
• 1:10:08
  do you want to do i I don't like that. I want a man to have a plan. Yes.
• 1:10:11
  I can't stand when they say I don't have any plans.
• 1:10:15
  Come up with something, you know? Go for coffee, go for a ride.
• 1:10:18
  It's very easy to do, you know?
• 1:10:21
  But now it doesn't work out. And then bottom line, the rule, don't ghost them.
• 1:10:25
  Don't ghost them. Just tell, you know what? I've had bad dates.
• 1:10:28
  The only time I had, I've only ghosted like one or two people because they kept pushing.
• 1:10:32
  I kept telling them no, and I kept telling them I didn't want them,
• 1:10:34
  and they kept pushy. Why don't you just block them?
• 1:10:36
  That's what I did. It's also what I call ghosting. You just don't talk to them anymore.
• 1:10:39
  But I don't ghost people. I'm respectful of other people. Like,
• 1:10:42
  I expect them to be respectful of me. If they don't like me,
• 1:10:44
  tell me. I'm a mature adult. Come on.
• 1:10:46
  I'm not some 20-year-old girl. If you don't like me, just say,
• 1:10:50
  you know what? I don't think we're fit. I'd be like, okay.
• 1:10:53
  Yeah. I'd rather know now than six months from now. So don't waste six months of my time.
• 1:10:57
  The other thing is men try to push for sexual stuff too soon.
• 1:11:01
  Or they text sexual stuff. They text dick pics.
• 1:11:03
  It's fine if you're looking for a hookup. But if you're texting a woman that's
• 1:11:07
  not looking for a hookup, I don't care what your dick looks like.
• 1:11:10
  You shouldn't be sending it. Now, I will say only the guys with bigger dicks
• 1:11:13
  tend to be the ones sending them.
• 1:11:14
  They're proud of what they have but look at
• 1:11:17
  it guys your dicks aren't pretty i'm sorry i'm
• 1:11:21
  gonna be honest your dicks aren't pretty they are
• 1:11:24
  not yeah so if you think that sending your picture of your penis to me is gonna
• 1:11:28
  make me want to go out with you you're wrong yeah in fact the people that have
• 1:11:31
  sent me dick pics they've been so large i've been saying no no so don't send
• 1:11:35
  me a dick pic especially if i haven't asked for one and i don't ask for them
• 1:11:39
  ever yeah that's the same It's a turnoff. It is a turnoff. Yeah.
• 1:11:42
  But some men travel, but they have. They are. How about they send you a nice, macho picture?
• 1:11:49
  They know that you like working out. You know, I'm...
• 1:11:53
  And the same caveat, too big. I had a guy send me a picture of him in his underwear.
• 1:11:59
  Oh, my God. A muscular picture. This guy was too small.
• 1:12:04
  So I was like, okay, so let's turn off too. He had nothing down there. I was like, wow.
• 1:12:10
  Be careful with what pictures you send to a woman because some women may say that guy's too big.
• 1:12:15
  And some women may be like, oh, you're showing me your muscles,
• 1:12:17
  but I'm looking and you got tighty whities on and you got nothing down there. Yeah.
• 1:12:21
  I don't care how much you grow. You're not growing enough.
• 1:12:23
  How about some women like to show, send their boobs pictures?
• 1:12:26
  Don't send your boobs, ladies.
• 1:12:28
  You can. I mean, obviously, everything I'm saying is my preference.
• 1:12:32
  When it comes back to haunt you, that you sent nipple pictures to someone,
• 1:12:36
  you're eventually dating a friend of someone else or a family member of someone
• 1:12:41
  else. Because it's a small world out there.
• 1:12:43
  It is a small world. And if you don't want those pictures to be posted on your
• 1:12:46
  Facebook page, don't send them.
• 1:12:48
  Yeah. I've sent pictures of a facie with a little bit of cleavage.
• 1:12:52
  But if you can't have that picture posted on social media, I don't recommend
• 1:12:56
  sending it to anyone because you don't know that person.
• 1:12:59
  And you also don't know if they're a stalker. And you also don't know if they're
• 1:13:02
  a psychopath or a sociopath or a narcissist.
• 1:13:05
  All that stuff can come back to bite you. It's all fun and games.
• 1:13:08
  And it also looks like you're for a hookup. So if you're for a hookup, then maybe you do.
• 1:13:12
  Now, can they tell the picture? When you send somebody pictures,
• 1:13:16
  you know how they have a live pictures now?
• 1:13:18
  The function? Can they tell the location by that or not? I don't know the details on that.
• 1:13:24
  I'm not into this enough.
• 1:13:27
  Enough, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, they can track you with your phone
• 1:13:29
  number, and they can even look up your home address a lot of times with your
• 1:13:32
  phone number if you're a professional person. So you've got to be careful.
• 1:13:35
  Yeah, Google tells everything nowadays. Yeah, I think the big thing is be respectful
• 1:13:39
  of other people. Don't go stump.
• 1:13:41
  And just treat people with the golden rule. Treat people the way you want to
• 1:13:44
  be treated. You want to be treated.
• 1:13:45
  I've always said, I said this earlier, I said, I don't want to have to teach
• 1:13:49
  a man how to love me or to care for me or treat me.
• 1:13:54
  Now, with that being said, if they do something wrong, I'm going to tell them.
• 1:13:58
  Okay. Especially if the relationship is developing. Like if they forget my birthday,
• 1:14:03
  for instance, I'm going to tell them, hey, you forgot my birthday.
• 1:14:06
  If they have a good excuse, great. If they don't, maybe I'm with the wrong guy.
• 1:14:09
  And you show people how you want to be treated.
• 1:14:12
  If you're ghosting a guy and then you're expecting him to chase after you and you never text him back.
• 1:14:17
  Guess what? He's going to ghost you back. Yeah. I think if you're showing a
• 1:14:21
  man that you are caring for them, they should care back the same way or more.
• 1:14:27
  But if they don't, and then you get mad,
• 1:14:32
  that's a problem too you should just move on move on because i show people how i like to be loved,
• 1:14:37
  and i'll even tell them some in some ways how i like to
• 1:14:40
  be loved and if they don't give me the same amount of care or compassion
• 1:14:43
  or respect i don't want them i agree
• 1:14:46
  it doesn't have anything to do with me it's just they're not the right one and
• 1:14:50
  i think so many people get wrapped up in why don't they care about me why don't
• 1:14:54
  they text me back why don't they love me because they're not the right one yeah
• 1:14:58
  but they also think something wrong with them that's another well you know what
• 1:15:01
  But there's a line that I keep repeating that while I was going through my divorce,
• 1:15:05
  for some reason, it showed up on podcasts. It showed up in songs.
• 1:15:09
  It showed up in TED Talks. And I believe it fully.
• 1:15:12
  It is rejection is God's protection.
• 1:15:15
  Rejection is God's protection. And it helped me get through.
• 1:15:18
  I will say that if they don't like you, that's okay.
• 1:15:22
  Because God's looking out for you because there's someone better.
• 1:15:24
  That's a song. It doesn't break you, make you stronger.
• 1:15:27
  Yeah, if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:15:29
  yeah. But rejection is God's protection. And the reality is,
• 1:15:32
  is they're just not the right one.
• 1:15:34
  So good. I'm glad they left early. Yeah. Because I didn't waste years of my
• 1:15:39
  life on something that wasn't right.
• 1:15:42
  So look at it that way. And you get time to move on to the next.
• 1:15:45
  Yes. So when someone's not right and they don't give you the care and the love
• 1:15:49
  that you want, you can tell them.
• 1:15:51
  But if they continue after you tell them, then it's time to move on.
• 1:15:54
  Yeah. Don't waste any time. Don't push someone to love you that doesn't love
• 1:15:58
  you the right way. And some people, you know, some people want that constant,
• 1:16:02
  you're texting me 10 times a day.
• 1:16:05
  And then some people like me just want a drop in once in a while,
• 1:16:08
  like, hey, how you doing?
• 1:16:09
  I was thinking about you. Something cute and nice. I don't need constant communication,
• 1:16:13
  but I do like to feel like I'm cared for.
• 1:16:16
  Yeah, definitely. But everybody's different.
• 1:16:19
  So whomever you are with, you need to learn what they want and what they like.
• 1:16:24
  And if you don't know, ask them.
• 1:16:26
  If they ask you to do stuff you don't want to do, maybe they're not the right person.
• 1:16:31
  And if you can't give them the
• 1:16:32
  care and love that they need and they deserve, let them go. Let them go.
• 1:16:36
  Then somebody else will be fit, better fit. You will find the right fit.
• 1:16:41
  But boy, this has been a long one. You want to wrap this up?
• 1:16:43
  Yeah. We talk about dating apps. I know.
• 1:16:46
  Which one do you recommend, though, before we wrap it up? I will say that I did like Bumble. Okay.
• 1:16:52
  A little bit. I like Millionaire Match because I get elevated.
• 1:16:55
  There's also you know there's also the specialty dating apps like
• 1:16:58
  right like we didn't go into the christian ming and all that stuff i would
• 1:17:01
  say bumble's good my favorite lately though has been facebook dating
• 1:17:04
  and he's free and it's free facebook dating is free
• 1:17:07
  and it's you get a little level of comfort and
• 1:17:10
  i will say the quality of men that i have gotten and
• 1:17:13
  they've just been better on facebook dating and i
• 1:17:16
  have gone on multiple dates from facebook dating and
• 1:17:20
  so i'm actually there it's you know it's funny because some of the dating apps
• 1:17:23
  you'll be on you'll be texting people forever they never pull the trigger but on
• 1:17:25
  facebook dating people do people do and it's
• 1:17:29
  nice because it does a better job geographically i think with
• 1:17:32
  facebook dating one thing i didn't like about bumble and hinge
• 1:17:35
  when you go on a trip it then geolocates you to somewhere else
• 1:17:38
  and brings in people for that area too unless you turn that feature off facebook
• 1:17:41
  dating never did that to me so facebook dating wasn't tied to my geolocation
• 1:17:45
  so i see i did like that too because then you're like oh now i gotta go through
• 1:17:48
  500 people in mexico that i'm not ever gonna date and i gotta swipe off on all
• 1:17:53
  of them. So that was kind of a pain.
• 1:17:55
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there anything else you want to... No, I think we've covered...
• 1:17:59
  I love this session now if you're if you're interested in me my phone number
• 1:18:03
  is no i'm just kidding wow i have to say this is eyes opener for me yeah well
• 1:18:08
  you know the thing is is that
• 1:18:10
  dating is fun but you also need to protect yourself and save your time or you're
• 1:18:15
  going to get miserable with dating and you want to make it so that it's fun
• 1:18:19
  it is work and that's why i'm not doing a ton of it right now because i've got
• 1:18:23
  a lot of other work to do but it is work so if you have the time to focus on
• 1:18:26
  it, you can find the right one for you.
• 1:18:29
  Well, I hope this helped for all the listeners out there. I hope so too.
• 1:18:32
  Yes. This is Diva Mia signing off. This is Diva Cat signing off.
• 1:18:37
  Talk to you soon. See you next week. Next week.
• 1:18:41
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• 1:18:47
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• 1:18:56
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