Latest / Grace for My Home | Christian Women, Growing in Faith / Stop Survival Mode with Tana Johnston

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Stop Survival Mode with Tana Johnston · Grace for My Home | Christian Women, Growing in Faith

• 1:13
  Audrey: Hello and welcome back to Grace for My Home.
• 1:16
  Audrey: I am delighted to be back with you again this week, and I have a special treat.
• 1:22
  Audrey: Today, we are joined by my friend Tana Johnston.
• 1:26
  Audrey: Tana is a faith-driven speaker, creator, and coach dedicated to helping women reset their lives with intention, purpose, and spirit-led clarity.
• 1:37
  Audrey: Through her podcast, Stop Survival Mode, and her programs, Tana equips women to break free from overwhelm, reconnect with their identity, and step boldly into the life they were created for.
• 1:51
  Audrey: With a heart for transformation and a gift for making deep truths practical, she blends faith, mindset, and daily discipline into simple, actionable steps that create lasting change.
• 2:06
  Audrey: Whether she's speaking, writing, or coaching, Tana's mission is clear to help women realign with God, reclaim their confidence, and live each day with purpose.
• 2:17
  Audrey: Her work is rooted in authenticity, grace, and growth, reminding women that true transformation doesn't happen all at once, but one faithful, intentional day at a time.
• 2:30
  Audrey: I am delighted to introduce you to my friend Tana Johnston, spirit-led life coach and friend.
• 2:39
  Audrey: Welcome, Tana.
• 2:40
  Audrey: Thank you so much, Audrey.
• 2:43
  Audrey: I appreciate you letting me come on the show.
• 2:45
  Audrey: This is such an honor.
• 2:47
  Audrey: I'm so grateful to be here.
• 2:48
  Audrey: Well, I'm so glad I found you.
• 2:50
  Audrey: I'm so glad I found you.
• 2:52
  Audrey: And I think that that that introduction kind of gives people an idea of what you do.
• 2:58
  Audrey: But is there something else that you like to share with our listeners about you and your work?
• 3:05
  Tana: I do.
• 3:05
  Tana: Yes.
• 3:06
  Tana: I love that.
• 3:07
  Tana: It sounds so good in a bio when you read it.
• 3:10
  Tana: But it makes me think I'm just a real woman with a real story, a mom who has been a survival mode dweller.
• 3:21
  Tana: And that is really the root of my heart.
• 3:23
  Tana: You know, I do what I do now because it was birthed out of a season where I was in utter survival mode.
• 3:32
  Tana: Excuse me.
• 3:33
  Tana: And I just couldn't seem to get out.
• 3:36
  Tana: I just felt like I circled the mountain just over and over and over again and found myself exhausted and depleted and just yearning for more on the inside.
• 3:49
  Tana: I just I knew God's word and I just I knew his promises.
• 3:54
  Tana: And I knew that that wasn't like the life where I was.
• 3:57
  Tana: I knew that wasn't the life he intended for me.
• 4:00
  Tana: Yes.
• 4:00
  Tana: But I didn't know how to get out of it at the time.
• 4:03
  Tana: And so that is really where this is birthed out of.
• 4:07
  Tana: I'm a wife, I'm a mom to twin boys, which are the greatest loves of my life, other than Jesus, but also the things that caused me to go into survival mode in the first place.
• 4:18
  Tana: Yes.
• 4:18
  Tana: Yes.
• 4:19
  Tana: So that's that's really my heart.
• 4:23
  Audrey: Well, when I found you, when I found your podcast and listened to some of your episodes, I thought, what a fresh breath, what a fresh wind, a fresh way of looking at things.
• 4:35
  Audrey: Because I think for years I was in survival mode and I didn't know it.
• 4:39
  Audrey: Like I thought I was it was just life.
• 4:41
  Audrey: I didn't realize that things could be different.
• 4:44
  Audrey: I just thought that being a mom and trying to do all the things was exhausting and you just got through it.
• 4:52
  Audrey: And when I listened to some of your podcasts, I thought, I wish I'd found her 10 years ago.
• 4:57
  Audrey: This would have been this would have really helped me when I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me, why I couldn't do it all.
• 5:04
  Audrey: So I was really so I really think that your message is encouraging to to women, especially to moms who are do feel like they have to wear all the hats and do all the things.
• 5:16
  Audrey: And you know, we all struggle with mom guild.
• 5:19
  Audrey: I don't know a mom who thinks she's doing a good job.
• 5:23
  Audrey: It seems like every mom I meet thinks I'm failing here or I'm failing there.
• 5:28
  Audrey: And you know, we're we're not we're not made to do it all all the time.
• 5:33
  Audrey: And that's right.
• 5:34
  Audrey: So you're you're I think you're there's so many women out there who need to hear your message.
• 5:38
  Audrey: So, what is survival mode?
• 5:40
  Audrey: Like how would you describe it?
• 5:43
  Tana: Yes, absolutely.
• 5:44
  Tana: So it's funny because survival mode, it doesn't just happen all at once, right?
• 5:50
  Tana: It it's these slow little build-ups of things almost quietly happening on the inside as a reaction to really what's happening on the outside.
• 6:01
  Tana: And I think that for so many moms, like you were saying, like we have such good intentions, right?
• 6:07
  Tana: Like we're supposed to care for our families, show up well, do all the things, keep things running smoothly.
• 6:15
  Tana: But over time, the load gets heavy, right?
• 6:20
  Tana: We're not called to carry it all on our own.
• 6:23
  Tana: But without knowing it, I think, like you said, I woke up in survival mode one day and I didn't even identify it as that then because I didn't even know that what it was.
• 6:31
  Tana: But I woke up and I just remember I was exhausted.
• 6:35
  Tana: I was depleted physically, spiritually, mentally.
• 6:39
  Tana: You know, I was doing all the things like checking the boxes.
• 6:43
  Tana: I was going to church, I was reading my Bible, I was journaling, I was cooking dinner, doing the laundry, organizing the carpool, you know, like the list is just almost overwhelming, right?
• 6:54
  Tana: And we do all of these things because we feel like that's what we're supposed to do.
• 6:59
  Tana: That's what motherhood is.
• 7:00
  Tana: We are the organizer of all chaos.
• 7:03
  Tana: And I think that when we just get in the middle of it, it it just starts to feel normal.
• 7:12
  Tana: But it's like what we're supposed to do.
• 7:15
  Tana: And we get this self-reliance feeling in it.
• 7:19
  Tana: But honestly, it is literally like running our well dry, right?
• 7:24
  Tana: Like when we pour out and pour out and pour out and do, do, do, we multitude of things happen.
• 7:32
  Tana: Number one, we lose our identity in that.
• 7:35
  Tana: So many of us are like, when people are like, oh, you know, who are you?
• 7:39
  Tana: You say, Oh, I'm a mom, right?
• 7:41
  Tana: Like we identify as that instead of it being something, a role that God has given us.
• 7:48
  Tana: That's just what we become.
• 7:49
  Tana: Like we lose ourselves and our identity as just mom, the one who cleans up the messes, vacuums the floor, and does the laundry, right?
• 7:56
  Tana: Yes, and I think we lose our identity in that, and then we become sucked into this part where it we're just tired all the time.
• 8:06
  Tana: Like I was so depleted mentally, physically, emotionally, because we just show up and we do everything for everyone but ourselves, yes, yes, so much of the time.
• 8:21
  Audrey: Yes, and I think that's part of growing in God is learning to be wise and be wise with ourselves.
• 8:29
  Audrey: And it's not wise to give and give and give and never take in because you you don't have anything to give.
• 8:37
  Audrey: And you know, it's kind of like after a while, it's it's kind of like when I think about like when you're I don't know if you've ever had problems with your brakes on your car, but after a while, when the brake pads wear out, it's just like metal on metal and they scale and they make a bad noise, and that's how I became like I became so depleted and I had no cushion to the point that I just I wasn't good for anybody, and I was probably an instead of being a you know a blessing to my family, I had got to the point that I thought they they I wish they had another mom.
• 9:11
  Audrey: I wish my kids had a good mom, but they're stuck with me, and and you know, and then the the Lord started showing me, Audrey, it's not you it may make you feel important to feel like you're checking off all of the boxes and you're doing everything, you know, that may make you feel good about you, but those aren't the most important things, and so you know, becoming a wise woman is learning what's important and what let go of, you know.
• 9:40
  Tana: Absolutely, and it takes discernment, right?
• 9:42
  Tana: And I didn't have that then, I just had survival, right?
• 9:46
  Tana: Like, what do I have to do to survive?
• 9:48
  Tana: Right, like I gotta feed these things and I've gotta bathe them, and I've gotta, you know, somehow do the banking and the billing for my husband's business, and I've got to figure out what we're gonna eat for dinner.
• 10:01
  Tana: Like, there wasn't any discernment there, it was just survival, right?
• 10:04
  Tana: It was just like, how do I get through the day and then sink in bed at night so exhausted you can't even see straight.
• 10:12
  Tana: I mean, I remember going to bed at times, like just literally almost physically sick because I was just so tired.
• 10:20
  Audrey: Yes, I understand.
• 10:21
  Audrey: I remember waking up in the morning and just thinking, I just I have to get up.
• 10:26
  Tana: I don't have to let my head my feet have to hit the floor, they do okay.
• 10:35
  Audrey: It's starting over again, and you know, I don't live that way, you know.
• 10:39
  Audrey: We don't have to live that way.
• 10:40
  Audrey: And and yes, we're gonna have days like that, but we don't have to stay there.
• 10:45
  Tana: Correct.
• 10:45
  Tana: And that is the whole intention of what I'm doing now, is that I woke up, I I'll just tell a little story.
• 10:53
  Tana: I know it I was in that mode.
• 10:56
  Tana: I was like, oh my gosh, but I did.
• 10:58
  Tana: I got up, dragged myself to the coffee pot, poured me some coffee.
• 11:02
  Tana: I have one of the twins.
• 11:04
  Tana: I mean, that's a whole other story in itself, but I'm gonna sum it up in a few short sentences.
• 11:09
  Tana: We didn't even know we were having twins until I was 21 weeks along.
• 11:13
  Tana: We had them unexpectedly at 31 weeks.
• 11:15
  Tana: My water broke at 5 a.m.
• 11:17
  Tana: on a Tuesday morning, and we spent the next eight weeks at the hospital.
• 11:20
  Tana: They did everything they could do to keep them in me, and I had them that day.
• 12:03
  Tana: And at nine o'clock that night, they were both born uh fully collapsed lungs, like full, like intubated, rushed off.
• 12:11
  Tana: I never touched them, never held them.
• 12:13
  Tana: They were in incubators with tubes coming out of them all over for I don't even remember how many days and weeks.
• 12:18
  Tana: I mean, we lived at the hospital, and life for me shifted in a second, a 24 hour span.
• 12:26
  Tana: And that's that was like that.
• 12:28
  Tana: And and so much of what I do now isn't based on situations like that, right?
• 12:33
  Tana: Like that really was life or death at the time.
• 12:35
  Tana: But that is just a beat how we started.
• 12:37
  Tana: So that's how we got twins.
• 12:40
  Tana: Twins don't run in either of our families.
• 12:42
  Tana: God blessed us with that as a surprise.
• 12:44
  Tana: And so, anyways, fast forward to life, the boys were five.
• 12:50
  Tana: We'd been in and out of the hospital seven times.
• 12:53
  Tana: Both of them have, you know, really bad asthma due to the lung thing allergies.
• 12:58
  Tana: We got food allergies, we've got some stuff, right?
• 13:01
  Tana: And one of the boys doesn't sleep.
• 13:04
  Tana: He's they're now 12, um, I'm happy to say, but and he still doesn't really sleep well, like ever, you know?
• 13:12
  Tana: And so that's part of what led me into survival mode was lack of sleep.
• 13:16
  Tana: I talk about that a lot, but I identify so much with like it wasn't a choice of mine.
• 13:20
  Tana: I didn't, I didn't lack sleep because I didn't want to.
• 13:24
  Tana: I lacked sleep because I couldn't, right?
• 13:27
  Tana: Like I was up and down with him all night so much of the time.
• 13:30
  Tana: And it really is what had kept me tired.
• 13:32
  Tana: But I woke up one morning, stumbled through the coffee pot, got my coffee, tried to open my Bible, and I heard his footsteps in the hall.
• 13:39
  Tana: It was a, I mean, it's just the way it is.
• 13:41
  Tana: And I remember thinking, can he not just stay in bed past 430?
• 13:47
  Tana: I mean, it was 4:30.
• 13:48
  Tana: And I tried to get up before him and just literally couldn't do it.
• 13:51
  Tana: Because everybody, and I think that as Christian women, we identify that.
• 13:55
  Tana: Like everybody in our sphere says, you know, oh, just get up before him, spend your morning time with God.
• 14:01
  Tana: And I was like, I am trying, like it is not possible.
• 14:07
  Audrey: Please stop telling me that.
• 14:09
  Audrey: I can't go to bed at midnight and get up at two.
• 14:13
  Tana: That was so my life at that moment.
• 14:15
  Tana: And I was just so depleted.
• 14:17
  Tana: But, you know, and and like you said, I wish I knew then what God has taught me now, because instead of embracing those moments for a long time, and then I felt so guilty over the fact that I didn't even want to see my son in first thing in the morning.
• 14:33
  Tana: I mean, I'd seen him all night, like, and and I and I lived with that guilt of, well, that's not a Jesus heart.
• 14:41
  Tana: That's not what God wants you to feel like, right?
• 14:44
  Tana: And so I lived trapped in that for a long time.
• 14:47
  Tana: But back to the story when they were five, all of that was still going on.
• 14:53
  Tana: And I homeschooled them.
• 14:55
  Tana: And so if that's another different story, we're not gonna get into it, it's a rabbit trail.
• 14:59
  Tana: But I was not going to homeschool them.
• 15:01
  Tana: God called me to homeschool them.
• 15:03
  Tana: And so, anyways, we are getting all of our stuff, getting up, gathering up to go to the schoolroom, and Quaid spills red juice all over the schoolroom carpet, and they're supposed to, you know, have lids on their cups and blah, blah, blah.
• 15:18
  Tana: And it was literally the thing that broke me that morning.
• 15:24
  Tana: It was just that last straw, you know, and there was juice everywhere.
• 15:28
  Tana: And I just, I almost for the first time had that panic attack.
• 15:32
  Tana: Like I didn't, words couldn't even come out of my mouth.
• 15:34
  Tana: I didn't have any.
• 15:35
  Tana: And I look back now and see that that was the grace of God just covering my mouth in the moment.
• 15:40
  Tana: And I was just like almost wanting to hyperventilate.
• 15:43
  Tana: And I told my husband, I said, because this is right about COVID time.
• 15:48
  Tana: So he was working from home because of the COVID thing.
• 15:52
  Tana: And so I just was like, I grabbed my keys and my running shoes and I was like, I just I gotta go.
• 15:56
  Tana: Like, I just need out of here.
• 15:58
  Tana: I cannot do this anymore.
• 15:59
  Tana: I did say, I will be back.
• 16:02
  Tana: I did tell him that I said, I will be back, but I don't know when.
• 16:05
  Tana: I just need a break.
• 16:06
  Tana: Yes.
• 16:07
  Tana: And I left that day and I ran.
• 16:10
  Tana: I went to my favorite running trail about 25 miles from my house, kind of up in the mountains.
• 16:14
  Tana: And I ran and I ran and I ran in the rain.
• 16:18
  Tana: And I found myself sitting on this cold concrete bench by a river.
• 16:24
  Tana: And that's where I met God.
• 16:27
  Tana: That's where God met me in my mess.
• 16:29
  Tana: And that's what birthed this and all the things that I've learned was that day, and then one day at a time.
• 16:38
  Tana: So, really, it sounds amazing what I do and what I talk about, but that really is the story and the heart behind it.
• 16:44
  Tana: Yes.
• 16:45
  Tana: Of being that, getting out of survival mode.
• 16:48
  Audrey: Yes, that's awesome.
• 16:49
  Audrey: That's such a good story.
• 16:50
  Audrey: I know it, I know it didn't feel good at the time, but I think so many women can relate to that.
• 16:57
  Audrey: You know, it's just a it seems like a small thing, but it's not a small thing because it's the end of a long, long time of having no relief.
• 17:08
  Audrey: You feel like, like you said, like you feel like, why do I feel this way?
• 17:13
  Tana: Yes.
• 17:13
  Audrey: Surely other women don't feel this way, they do feel this way.
• 17:17
  Audrey: They do.
• 17:19
  Audrey: I mean, they do.
• 17:20
  Audrey: I I remember when my my boys were little, and I just I have one that he never liked sleep.
• 17:28
  Audrey: And the resentment, like after a while, I started feeling resentful.
• 17:32
  Audrey: And I'm like, he's a child, yes, he's a child.
• 17:35
  Audrey: And and like you said, I felt like sometimes he was trying to sabotage me.
• 17:39
  Audrey: I thought he does feel like that sometimes.
• 17:45
  Audrey: You know, in in your right mind, you know, he's not, but you know, right in that moment, it just and you know, I I I remember one day the Lord telling me because I was living that way, and I remember the Lord telling me, Your life is not an emergency, Audrey.
• 18:01
  Audrey: But that's how I live my life, like everything was an emergency.
• 18:06
  Audrey: And so anyway, I just that made me think of that.
• 18:10
  Audrey: I remember when the Lord told me that, he said, Audrey, your life is not an emergency.
• 18:13
  Audrey: Yeah, but I was living like it was, and it felt like everything was an emergency.
• 18:19
  Audrey: Yes, and so how if I know that there are women, I know there are moms listening today, and this speaks to their hearts because that's where they are, and maybe they didn't know they were, but they're in survival mode.
• 18:33
  Audrey: What's the first step?
• 18:34
  Audrey: Like, what how do you you came to the end, like you came to a point, it was like I have to get out of this.
• 18:43
  Audrey: Yeah, what what do you tell women today who are at who are find themselves in this place and they don't know what to do?
• 18:51
  Tana: Yeah, absolutely.
• 18:52
  Tana: Don't wait as long as I did.
• 18:54
  Tana: But no, in all honesty, the key to the whole thing is the verse comes out of Zachariah 1, 3, and it it's just what God gave me in the moment.
• 19:05
  Tana: And it says, return to the Lord, and the Lord will return to you.
• 19:13
  Tana: You know, see, as Christian women, sometimes we get so stuck in survival mode, but we're doing the things, right?
• 19:19
  Tana: Like going to church and we love Jesus, right?
• 19:21
  Tana: And we read our Bibles, but we're doing the things, but we're not crawled up in his lap.
• 19:29
  Tana: Oh, that's good.
• 19:30
  Tana: Talking to him from that perspective.
• 19:33
  Tana: I know I wasn't, I was checking the boxes, right?
• 19:37
  Tana: But when we return to the Lord, hearts wide open, Lord, I can't do this kind of surrender.
• 19:46
  Tana: Yes, that's the key.
• 19:47
  Tana: That's the first place we got to get to is Lord, I'm lost.
• 19:52
  Tana: I am stuck in this place, and I need your help.
• 19:55
  Tana: And from that place, the very first thing that I coach women on is realigning your identity.
• 20:03
  Tana: That's that's the foundation of everything is realigning our identity because so much of the time when we get in survival mode, especially as a mom, we become mom.
• 20:16
  Tana: We identify as mom.
• 20:19
  Tana: And and really God calls us, we identify first and foremost as child, right?
• 20:26
  Tana: So when we escape thinking of ourselves as daughters of the most high God, daughters of the king, and we just identify as mom, that puts us on the top, looking at our children from that perspective instead of us keeping our perspective open to looking at God from a child's perspective.
• 20:47
  Tana: And so the first thing that we have to do is we really have to realign our identity.
• 20:51
  Tana: Like, who does God say that I am?
• 20:53
  Tana: You know, one of my very favorite verses in the Bible is Ephesians 2, 10, and it talks about God created us a masterpiece, right?
• 21:02
  Tana: Like we have a piece of the master dwelling on the inside of us.
• 21:08
  Tana: And if you don't feel like a masterpiece, and I'm gonna say this to whoever is listening today, if you don't feel like a masterpiece, then you need to realign your identity because we are a piece of the master.
• 21:23
  Tana: And so how do we do that, right?
• 21:26
  Tana: We read about who God says we are, we believe about who God says we are.
• 21:30
  Tana: You know, he says that we are chosen, we are loved, we are forgiven, and we go through and we're forgiven, right?
• 21:37
  Tana: And and when we realign with him, return to him, realign with who he is, let him speak into who we are.
• 21:47
  Tana: That is the very first step.
• 21:49
  Audrey: Oh, that's really good.
• 21:51
  Audrey: That's really good.
• 21:53
  Tana: Yeah, and from there, it's all about renewing your mind.
• 21:57
  Tana: You know, we identify when we're in survival mode, we identify with survival mode thinking.
• 22:03
  Tana: We tend to have that, oh my gosh, I do I have to X, Y, Z.
• 22:09
  Tana: How am I gonna get this done?
• 22:11
  Tana: How am I gonna get to, you know, how am I gonna get my kiddo to soccer practice and get to the chiropractor appointment and get this one picked up from school?
• 22:19
  Tana: Like we identify our thoughts with all the problem.
• 22:23
  Tana: That is so much when we're in survival mode, we magnify the problem instead of the promises, right?
• 22:31
  Tana: And so that's all about once we get our identity kind of rerooted, then it's all about renewing those thoughts, like identifying where your thoughts really are, stopping the spirals from happening and focusing on the truth, focusing on the promises.
• 22:50
  Tana: I have, I have this part of my program that I teach, and it's called Pause to Pursue.
• 22:56
  Tana: And what it is is I have this whole chart, but it's amazing because it's like when we pause in the moments where we find our thoughts spiraling, when we're having those defeating thoughts, even the critical ones we have of ourselves, you know, I I know as mom, it's like, well, I shouldn't be upset right now.
• 23:15
  Tana: I should be able to handle this, I should be able to figure this out.
• 23:20
  Tana: You know, that should word is like haunting to us, right?
• 23:24
  Tana: Like I should.
• 23:25
  Tana: And all that does is make us feel bad and tears us down, right?
• 23:29
  Tana: So I think that when we when we reposition and we renew our mind, we start thinking things like, okay, pause.
• 23:37
  Tana: What is the truth of this situation?
• 23:40
  Tana: Now, how do I pursue that?
• 23:42
  Tana: And it's a retraining of our mind to see the good, to see the promises, to see the blessings that are happening right in front of us.
• 23:52
  Tana: To stop magnifying the hard.
• 23:54
  Tana: I mean, life is hard.
• 23:56
  Tana: Like, I I mean, there is life that is hard.
• 23:59
  Tana: Even when life is good, life is hard.
• 24:01
  Tana: And and I think that when all we do is magnify the hard, which is what we do in survival mode, we just magnify what's hard.
• 24:09
  Tana: Then we lose sight of really what's good.
• 24:14
  Audrey: That's really good.
• 24:15
  Audrey: That's that's so true.
• 24:17
  Audrey: That's so true.
• 24:18
  Audrey: And yes, we have to renew our mind.
• 24:22
  Audrey: And I think that the way I started getting out of that place, and I was there for a long time because, like I said, I I didn't know any different.
• 24:33
  Audrey: I just thought this is life.
• 24:34
  Audrey: And I think when I when I started coming out was when I started meditating on how good God is.
• 24:44
  Audrey: You know, I found some scriptures on that He loves me, He's not upset with me.
• 24:49
  Audrey: Somehow I lived in this state of He must be disappointed, right?
• 24:53
  Audrey: I mean, he must be disappointed because I'm disappointed in me.
• 24:57
  Audrey: So he must be disappointed.
• 24:59
  Audrey: And I think when I started renewing my mind in who he is, and like you said, that changes who I am, right?
• 25:05
  Audrey: Who I see myself as.
• 25:07
  Audrey: When I see him, and I see him as God, and I'm his child, then I started having more grace on my children because I saw he's having grace on me.
• 25:16
  Audrey: Yes, and it really, it really does, it really does.
• 25:20
  Audrey: I remember that scripture.
• 25:22
  Audrey: You know, he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love.
• 25:28
  Audrey: And I started meditating on that scripture and I thought that's how he sees me.
• 25:32
  Audrey: He's gracious and compassionate, and surely if he can be gracious and compassionate with me, I can be gracious and compassionate with these little ones.
• 25:42
  Audrey: Yes, I went through a season of anger and I struggled with anger.
• 25:48
  Audrey: And I I talk about this, I've got a couple of episodes where I talk about this specifically, but that anger, it it's like a cycle because you lose it and then you go through all the guilt and the shame.
• 25:59
  Audrey: And I can't tell anybody this, right?
• 26:01
  Audrey: I mean, because I was a pastor's wife, and you know, and I'm trying to teach other people about God's word.
• 26:07
  Audrey: And I mean, if if they know I have this problem, then you know, I just I was so embarrassed.
• 26:14
  Audrey: Yes, I don't tell anybody, so you feel stuck.
• 26:16
  Audrey: Yes, you know, I can't really be honest with who I am and what's really going on.
• 26:20
  Audrey: And I try to tell people, I remember trying to tell people, I had some friends, and I'd be like, I have this issue, and they would say things like, Oh, everybody gets upset.
• 26:29
  Audrey: And I'm like, No, really, I have a problem.
• 26:32
  Audrey: It's not like you know, I really I have a problem, but that scripture started turning my mind around.
• 26:39
  Audrey: Yes, he's not mad even when I fall.
• 26:43
  Audrey: Yes, and that gave me grace for myself and grace for my children.
• 26:49
  Audrey: But it's I love that.
• 26:53
  Audrey: I do, I mean, I just love how he, you know, he he loves us even through our nasty attitudes, even when we don't love ourselves.
• 27:02
  Audrey: Yes, and it's his it's like his grace pulls us out.
• 27:06
  Tana: It does, it does, and I love it because then it does come.
• 27:11
  Tana: He has this way, you know, God's in the business of of making things beautiful, right?
• 27:17
  Tana: And when they're not beautiful, then that's when he's really at work.
• 27:22
  Tana: And I I didn't understand that then, near like I do now.
• 27:27
  Tana: But you talked about I always felt abandoned by him, which is crazy to think about at this point, right?
• 27:33
  Tana: But like you were talking about that compassion and that grace and how when you started receiving it, then you could give it to your children.
• 27:41
  Tana: Mine was Isaiah 41, 10, where it says, Fear not, for I am with you.
• 27:47
  Tana: When I really truly started believing that God was with me, then I had this way of just being with my children.
• 27:54
  Tana: Does that make sense?
• 27:55
  Tana: Like, and you know, it said, Do not be dismayed, for I'm your God.
• 27:58
  Tana: Like I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you.
• 28:02
  Tana: And he said those things to me.
• 28:04
  Tana: And as he said them to me, I was like, he's like it filled me up back up to the place where I was like, I can do that for my kids.
• 28:12
  Tana: Like, I can be there for them, I can help them with their school, like for me, like all of those things, right?
• 28:18
  Tana: Like I can strengthen them through these healing processes of being in and out of the hospital, and God is pouring that into me.
• 28:25
  Tana: And we he does that and it comes full circle when we just really believe in who he says he is.
• 28:34
  Audrey: Yes.
• 28:35
  Audrey: Amen.
• 28:36
  Tana: And that he'll do what he says he's gonna do.
• 28:39
  Audrey: Yes.
• 28:39
  Tana: I mean, it really does come down to that, you know.
• 28:41
  Tana: And I think when we get stuck in survival mode, we feel like like a side effect of survival mode is like, I have to do this on my own.
• 28:49
  Tana: I have to figure this out, that mindset of being everything for everyone all the time that leaves us feeling like everything depends on us.
• 29:01
  Tana: And so then we take on that role instead of being like, no, this actually I'm not Jesus, right?
• 29:08
  Tana: Like, God is God.
• 29:10
  Tana: I am not.
• 29:12
  Tana: We need a reminder sometimes.
• 29:15
  Tana: Sometimes, like, we get in that survival mode where we feel like everything depends on us, everything, you know.
• 29:22
  Tana: If we don't show up, every strand is gonna unravel, right?
• 29:25
  Tana: And then we we own that as like that's part of that identity piece.
• 29:29
  Tana: Like we feel like everything depends on us, and we weren't designed, we weren't created to carry that.
• 29:37
  Tana: God did not create us to carry that, and and he only designed, he designed him to be that, and so that's part of that returning to him and remembering who he is, you know, and what he said he's gonna do.
• 29:53
  Audrey: Yes, that's really good.
• 29:54
  Audrey: That's yeah, that's where a hope lies.
• 29:57
  Tana: Amen.
• 29:58
  Tana: Amen.
• 29:59
  Tana: And so then from there, I feel like what God showed me was once I got my identity and my mind realigned, it was like, okay, now I got to deal with this energy issue.
• 30:11
  Tana: Like it was a thing.
• 30:12
  Tana: And I talk a lot in depth in my podcast about fight or flight mode.
• 30:17
  Tana: And we're not gonna get into all of that today.
• 30:19
  Tana: I mean, you and I could talk for hours about all of this stuff.
• 30:24
  Tana: But my body went because I was a high performing athlete growing up, I think because I so I trained my body to fight.
• 30:33
  Tana: That's what I trained it to do.
• 30:34
  Tana: So then that was the response I took on as an adult when threat happens or when I got in survival mode.
• 30:40
  Tana: It was like, put your head down and just fight through it.
• 30:43
  Tana: And in a lot of women, you either fight it like that or you flight, which is now when I left that day, that was the first indication of like flight mode that I've had.
• 30:53
  Tana: But like I know so many moms that just want to leave.
• 30:57
  Tana: I mean, how many times have you locked yourself in your car just or your bathroom?
• 31:02
  Tana: And what do they do?
• 31:03
  Tana: They like are peeping under the door, you know, and you're just like, oh my gosh, I've got to get away.
• 31:09
  Tana: Like that is that's the flight mode, right?
• 31:13
  Tana: Like, oh my gosh, I just need out.
• 31:15
  Tana: So we our bodies as women tend to respond.
• 31:19
  Tana: And so I had to deal with this energy issue.
• 31:22
  Tana: Like I felt depleted all the time.
• 31:25
  Tana: I was constantly exhausted, constantly tired, going to bed tired, waking up tired.
• 31:29
  Tana: It didn't matter if I got two hours of sleep or 10 hours of sleep.
• 31:31
  Tana: It's a different kind of tired, right?
• 31:33
  Tana: When we get in survival mode, it's just because we pour out and we pour out and we pour out.
• 31:38
  Tana: And so I really am a huge advocate of like figuring out what drains you, like your biggest drainers.
• 31:47
  Tana: And then also, what are your biggest energy givers?
• 31:51
  Tana: And that's these simple things every single day.
• 31:55
  Tana: And I call them soul care.
• 31:57
  Tana: I've never been much into self-care just because I feel like I think I as a woman, here we go with, and I'm still dealing with that, God's working on me, but it felt selfish.
• 32:07
  Tana: Self-care felt selfish.
• 32:09
  Tana: And I hope, you know, I know that we talk about that a lot, but I needed things that filled up my soul.
• 32:16
  Tana: And so I just know for me, that was like a good cup of coffee in the sunshine.
• 32:23
  Tana: Like five minutes, make you a really good cup of coffee and sit in the sun.
• 32:29
  Tana: Like, don't take your phone, don't take your kids, just find a quiet place.
• 32:36
  Tana: Good luck.
• 32:37
  Tana: Find a quiet place, right?
• 32:40
  Tana: I remember when Chase would get home from work, my husband, and I would literally like pass him in the driveway because I knew he was coming home and I would just drive the short five minutes it was to town, find a park bench and sit on it.
• 32:54
  Tana: Because it was quiet.
• 32:57
  Tana: Like sometimes we got to fight for that, right?
• 33:00
  Tana: Like I'm like, fight for your 15.
• 33:01
  Tana: I tell my women that all the time.
• 33:03
  Tana: But you know, we gotta figure out what soul care feels like and looks like for us.
• 33:11
  Tana: And we've got to incorporate that into our days because that's how we refuel our energy.
• 33:17
  Tana: What are things that are life breathing for you?
• 33:21
  Tana: You know, like how do we incorporate that back into our days instead of just doing everything for everyone else?
• 33:29
  Audrey: It helped me to start thinking about those things as I'm doing this for everybody else.
• 33:34
  Audrey: Yeah, they need me to be refreshed, they need me to have a minute alone so that I can come back my best self.
• 33:44
  Audrey: Yes, and not be annoyed or aggravated because I've had no rest.
• 33:49
  Audrey: You know, it helped me to turn that around as okay, yes, I'm doing this for myself, but I'm doing it for them too.
• 33:57
  Audrey: If I don't take care of me, who's gonna take care of them?
• 34:00
  Audrey: Yes, and that that helped me.
• 34:02
  Audrey: I think, you know, as moms, especially Christian moms, I think sometimes there's so much guilt, and a lot of times it's a false guilt.
• 34:09
  Audrey: God's not putting that guilt on us.
• 34:11
  Audrey: We put that guilt on us, you know, we have this ideal mom, and God didn't set that up, but we we try to match it, you know, we try to to live up to it, and it's impossible.
• 34:25
  Audrey: It's like an ideal that we try to live up to, and you know, I I found myself doing that, and you know, and I do things that I remember the Lord, I remember praying one day, and it's like the Lord said, I didn't ask you to do that, it was something I was doing that I felt like I was, you know, just being the best mom I could be.
• 34:41
  Audrey: And he was like, I didn't I didn't even ask you to do that.
• 34:43
  Audrey: Stop doing that.
• 34:44
  Audrey: Yes, and then you know, like you said, things that that give me pleasure.
• 34:51
  Audrey: Uh it was oh, I don't have time.
• 34:53
  Audrey: Who has time for that?
• 34:54
  Audrey: Yes, your kids need you to do that because they need to see an example of a mom who is glad that she's a mom.
• 35:02
  Audrey: Yes, it changes your whole perspective.
• 35:06
  Audrey: It does, it it does.
• 35:08
  Audrey: And and I and sometimes we need somebody to tell, like, we need somebody to give us permission.
• 35:12
  Audrey: See, like you're giving women permission to go do something for themselves.
• 35:17
  Audrey: Yes.
• 35:17
  Audrey: And we we need that from each other because the whole world is saying, you know, mom just sacrifices and gives, and and yes, she does, that's her nature, but there comes a point like the point that you got to that you had nothing else to give.
• 35:32
  Audrey: Exactly.
• 35:33
  Audrey: And so, so thank you for the work that you're doing and and for sharing with these ladies today about or sharing your story, and you know, and I I think there are a lot of people who can relate to that.
• 35:49
  Audrey: Yeah, and you know, God has a way of getting our attention, even you know, even uh when it it feels like a bad day, but it's a good day, right?
• 35:58
  Audrey: It seems like it was a bad, a bad experience, but it was God saying, Okay, you ready to listen now?
• 36:06
  Tana: Yes, you know, he's so good that way, you know.
• 36:09
  Tana: He he used the red juice spilt everywhere that morning, knowing it was a trigger for me to get my attention.
• 36:18
  Tana: You know, I feel like sometimes, like you were just saying, he's so good, yes, and he loves us so much that he refuses to leave us stuck in the bottom of survival mode to dwell alone.
• 36:33
  Tana: He refuses to let us dwell there.
• 36:36
  Tana: That's not his dwelling place for us.
• 36:39
  Tana: And so it's like when he when all that happened that day, and I was just like just so overwhelmed that I couldn't even deal with it, he had to get me to that place to where I would come back to him and be like, he loved me that much, and he loves you that much that he doesn't leave us there because that is not the dwelling place he has for us.
• 37:03
  Audrey: That's really good.
• 37:04
  Audrey: Yes, that's that's really good.
• 37:05
  Audrey: That's not the dwelling place he has for us.
• 37:08
  Audrey: No, he's got so much better for us.
• 37:11
  Audrey: So good.
• 37:12
  Audrey: Well, Tana, thank you for today.
• 37:14
  Audrey: Is we'll have you back on for sure.
• 37:18
  Audrey: And I'd love that.
• 37:19
  Audrey: And we'll but this, I think this is a great introduction to what you do and and what your message is.
• 37:25
  Audrey: Is there how if somebody's interested in finding out more, how can they get in touch with you?
• 37:30
  Audrey: I'll put your information in the show notes, but how how what's the best way to kind of get into your circle?
• 37:38
  Tana: Yeah, absolutely.
• 37:39
  Tana: A couple ways.
• 37:40
  Tana: So I do have a podcast.
• 37:41
  Tana: You can listen to the podcast, subscribe to that.
• 37:43
  Tana: It's called Stop Survival Mode.
• 37:45
  Tana: Like you said, it's the hub of everything that I do.
• 37:49
  Tana: My website is Tana Leejohnston.com.
• 37:53
  Tana: That's the other place you can find me.
• 37:55
  Tana: You can sign up to get on my insider's list there on the email.
• 37:58
  Tana: I communicate a lot through email.
• 38:00
  Tana: I'm not a social, big social media error.
• 38:04
  Tana: I mean, I have pages, but I don't dwell there.
• 38:07
  Tana: So if you really want to get a hold of me, you can email me or listen to the podcast and shoot me a message through there.
• 38:14
  Tana: That really is the way to find me the best.
• 38:17
  Audrey: Okay, that sounds great.
• 38:18
  Audrey: That sounds great.
• 38:20
  Audrey: Thank you so much.
• 38:21
  Audrey: We will talk again soon.
• 38:24
  Audrey: And um, God bless you and the work that you're doing.
• 38:27
  Audrey: I know that you're making a difference in in these these women's lives.
• 38:32
  Tana: Thank you so much.
• 38:33
  Tana: And thank you, Audrey, so much for having me on the podcast.
• 38:35
  Tana: I love this.
• 38:37
  Tana: I'm so grateful.
• 38:38
  Tana: Your podcast short story, your podcast I stumbled upon, was like salve for my mama's soul when I was struggling.
• 38:47
  Tana: This, the the message you have for grace in your home, it just speaks volume.
• 38:52
  Tana: So grateful for your work.
• 38:54
  Tana: Keep doing your work.
• 38:55
  Tana: Thank you.
• 38:56
  Tana: God has called us both to those works, and I I'm just so grateful.
• 38:59
  Tana: I'm so grateful our paths crossed.
• 39:02
  Audrey: Amen.
• 39:02
  Audrey: Amen.
• 39:03
  Audrey: God knows what we need, right?
• 39:04
  Audrey: That's right.
• 39:05
  Audrey: You have a great day.
• 39:08
  Audrey: Thank you.
• 39:08
  Audrey: You as well.
• 39:09
  Audrey: Bye bye.