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Betrayal as Initiation: How Deep Betrayal Can Activate Your Sovereignty · Becoming Flame: Where Sensuality, Sovereignty, and Sacred Power Ignite

• Kait Tregenza: Hi and welcome to another episode of Becoming Flame. Today it's a little bit more of a real raw episode for me. I want to talk about betrayal. I want to talk about what betrayal is. And then when it happens, what to do about it. How to process that. It is such a unique. kind of grief, kind of pain that I think we are processing at such a huge universal level at the moment. I think as you can see all of the themes that are coming out that really need to be cleaned up and that really need to be looked at and processed and alchemized. So yeah this is this is a this is an emotional alchemy transmission today. and I really want to take you along with me on that journey and open you up into my process and into where I'm sitting. So first, what is betrayal? Okay yeah, betrayal can be someone did something I dislike. But not really. Betrayal is when trust and perceived alignment are not reciprocated in the same time. So it naturally requires proximity. It naturally requires trust, shared mission, assumed mutual understanding, and then a breaking of that. Because actually in many ways without trust, there's no betrayal. There's just conflict. So we're not talking about having a problem with someone. We're talking about someone whom you trusted, whom you were in mutual understanding with, whom was a deeper part of your life and your mission or your business or your creation. And sometimes it's just a relationship contract, such as a marriage or a friendship or a business partnership or something. And then sometimes it's an actual act of violation towards you from an individual. Whether that's a theft of art, a theft of creation, a theft of your work. Whether that's a betrayal in terms of leaking secrets. You know, there's like so many manifestations that it can take on, right? But really what it is, is that it was a trusted party that went against your mutual understanding and your mutual interests together. So it's not random. It happened because you trusted. and there are so many layers to it all the time so so many layers to it And then there's self-betrayal as well, right? There's an essence where you don't do what you needed to do in order to protect yourself against that other person because you trusted them. You know, you hear this from women, I didn't get a prenup because I thought he was the one for me. People who go into business together, we didn't need a co-founder agreement. You know, we were in it together. We had the same mission. We had the same shared value and paperwork at that point in time just felt, you know, off. But you track it forward. You know, curators or art galleries that still artists work. launch their careers and then steal their work. And so this happens all the time. All the time. And so it's a rupture. It's a deep, deep, deep, deep rupture. And the rupture is not the act. It's not the loss of money or the reputation or... Whatever the fallout is on the surface, on the physical surface is always a fallout. know, someone's always having an ulterior motive and it can be so simple to believe that it is about money, fame, glory, something else. It's always deeper. You don't wake up in a vacuum and betray somebody that you love. There's something there. And the rupture is my sense of when and how I exist in the world. When and how I exist in relationships, in intimate relationships, in friendship, in trusted relationships. How I exist in the world was overridden. Somebody else has fractioned up. and The self-betrayal starts to loop into this and to move concurrently in the sense that... Why did you avoid stepping into that formal relationship, that formal responsibility, the formal that the of operation ⁓ and why does paperwork ⁓ feel off ⁓ when trust the of relationship ⁓ to start with? I think that's really interesting, right? Why when people say, I don't want to sign a prenup because it will feel like a betrayal. Well, not signing one now means that actual betrayal can occur later. ⁓ not signing you know a co-authorship or a ⁓ ⁓ or whatever it may be ⁓ both parties outline ⁓ they're prepared to do ⁓ they're prepared to get for it ⁓ ⁓ go in ⁓ transparently ⁓ go in with ⁓ just trust ⁓ But the clarification and the crystallization of what happens from formalizing that agreement. And in many ways it removes all ambiguity. And you don't have to keep trusting or avoiding or sweeping under the carpet or avoiding difficult conversations. And so I think sometimes what can happen when you formalize an agreement, even when you have trust and even when you have a foundation of mutual understanding, putting that on paper and negotiating for that. Firstly, it shows you who the other person is and how they can negotiate difficulties which is going to be a primary insight for you in opening that relationship. But secondly in the absence of difficulty, the absence of conflict or argument, you are just simply crystallizing that which works for you and that which works for the other. And that's why these things, you know, should be so much easier to do than they are. But let's talk about friendships. You don't enter into a friendship and open up a contract. You're not going to say like, could you please create a friendship contract for me so that I know what you're going to do for me and I know what I'm going to do for you. Yeah, you're in the territory of weird there. The friendship with likely end. Which sucks, right? Because ⁓ think about how great friendships that would have contracts could be. I'm not advocating for it, but I'm just saying like the idea that you are so precise with what you are offering each one of your friends and what you desperately need from them in return, which is what you would like from them in return. I know I have been someone who constantly overgives in friendships to the point where I was doing that not only as a form of self-betrayal but in a form of this is the only way that I can receive love. I am not worthy unless I am absolutely over giving and absolutely giving everything to these people. I need to be the stable, capable, reliable one where they turn to me and I feed them what they need. One of the most amazing things that going through a really hard time opened up for me was not only opening my eyes to the fact that those amazing friendships that I thought that I had were not reciprocal in any sense. So when it was my turn, ⁓ to have love and support and time, energy, resources of any and all kinds flooded back into me. It didn't come. And it's not because those individual people didn't care. It's because the contract that we were in, the relationship dynamic that we were in was not built on that. It was built on me giving into them, pouring into them. And so even though we don't enter into a physical paper relationship contract, we are all in contracts in our relationship. Every single relationship we are in, we have a contract. And the more opaque, the harder it is to determine. What is the contract? What is the dynamic? What is it that I do and you do? think about every single one of your contracts, every single one of your relationships. Is there not a contract? Is there not an unspoken dynamic? Is that the same across all your friendships? Is there a central theme to who you are in relationships? And does it or does it not mirror that of the relationship that you have or that you are desperate for from your parents? And the answer is, if you're saying no right now, the answer is yes. Unless you've done ⁓ a lot of work. The answer is yes. Whoever you wanted to love you more as a child is how your relationships will take on that form. And whatever you needed to be as a child in order to get that love is what you will demonstrate and what you will lead with in your relationships. So do you need to be the capable one? Do you need to be the funny one? Do you need to be the one that everybody can rely on? Who did you need to be for the parent that you wanted love from the most? And see those things. See those things in each one of your relationships. And that's the layer of self betrayal, right? That we don't always see, that we don't always understand. But how much of the traits, the qualities, the things that people need you for, that people enter into relationships for, that use you for, that want you around for, how much is that? You cleanly offering that. And how much is it? you. doing that because there's an underlying need of I'm not enough otherwise. And what happens when I'm not enough? I'm not loved. So wherever you are self betraying it is originally a point around not enoughness, unworthiness and desperate seeking for love and approval, belonging. So much so that you would abandon your own self to get it. And I believe as I go on this journey and I nuance and I become more, more, more, more precise, every single one of my relationships where I had a foundation of self betrayal in that relationship will come back 360 and betray me for the exact same things that I was betraying myself on. One specific example is not valuing the gifts that I so easily access, so easily tap into that I gave it away. For years, I would use my gifts, my connections, my ability to see patterns, energy, hear, wisdom, translate very complex ideas into simple, tangible, actionable wisdom. And I would give that away because it was easy for me. was so, I didn't have to train on this. I had it. It was mine. I was so good at picking up things in other people. but that as a child, I was constantly in trouble for that. Constantly in trouble for that. And as a child you make sense of that as, don't do that, that's wrong, I'm bad. Stop feeling those things, stop saying those things, stop knowing those things. And you grow up. and you grow up. and I grew up ⁓ discounting that. Not just discounting it, actually doing anything and everything I could not to know. To deny my knowing, to deny my voice, to deny my feeling. And so what did that do? It led me into a sense of self-betrayal that was so, so deep. So much so that I would almost deliberately get myself into relationships with people who were going to hurt me, who were going to betray me, who were going to rupture me. As if to prove to myself you didn't do it. You didn't do the thing that you said you wouldn't do. And that took me so long to understand. Why am I in relationship with people who just keep betraying me? Check the contracts. Check the dynamic. Check where you are betraying yourself first. Because relationships just mirror back to you the relationship that you have with yourself. and I hate it when people say that but it's so true, right? What are the themes of the relationships? Intimate or non-intimate relationships that you have? that keeps showing up and that you can honestly hand on heart if you're really true to yourself and you really accept it that you do to yourself. Because I betrayed myself. I betrayed myself every single day of my life. Denying my gifts, denying my power. If you were a woman listening to this podcast and you cannot own a day in your life where you haven't owned your power. If you can't own that truth. Start there. Start there. Because unless, and I love you and I see you in all of that, because here's the question that I had to, how are you not denying your power? Do you have 10 million acres of land? Do you have hundreds of millions, billions of dollars? Do you control small economies and all their equivalent? Do you own a multi-trillion dollar corporation? do hundreds, thousands, millions of people. have their livelihoods bedded because of you and the way that you live your life. Because if the answer is no to any of those things, and you are the kind of woman that is listening to this podcast, and you are the kind of woman that has come into my field, Then you are not in the truest, fullest expression of your power. You are not at the end of your feminine embodiment journey. You just cannot be because you are a powerful, powerful woman. I know that because you're here. I know that because you're in my field. I know that because it takes one to know one and it takes one to see one and I, I know that you know for you are but I also know how much energy you put in to not being one and I know how much energy I put in to not be And I also know I'm really ready to stop. really ready to stop doing that because a good salary you know a couple hundred thousand even five hundred thousand dollars a year is not powerful. It's not the external. validation or match to your internal value, into your internal power. to the capacity that you hold within yourself. If you know how to see, feel, play with energy. If you know how to manipulate energy in a way that renders good. If you know how to go in and access creation, power, sexual energy, life force energy, womb energy. If you know how to do all of those things. but you're not doing them or you're not doing them to the extent that would shift your entire reality. then is it because you don't know how or because you are betraying your truth? You're abandoning yourself at the level of truth. You are not being the fullness of you. Because it's not about wanting money. Who cares about money? Money's on its way out. Like read the tea leaves. know, don't even need to be like Wall Street bros know that and they've got no skill, right? They've got no energetic understanding of anything, right? But the writing's on the wall. the banking system, the financial system, it's changing. Things are shifting. Not only at a level of digitization, but at a level of this doesn't fit the world that we're in anymore. feel the current of people going, wait, why would it make sense that I would spend my entire life chasing this paper? But power and resources are required. Not power of anyone, not patriarchal masculine power, not capitalist power. Personal embodied power that is usable, wieldable and can actually create change, can actually manifest physical reality. And what happens when you are a woman who knows how to use, access and create from unbelievable infinity, unbelievable creativity, sexual energy, power. create from the infinite. To go into the other and come out with something that you bring down through your body and your birth through you. When you are a super creator, when you are someone that creation is so innate, so... In one year I wrote two books of more than 900 pages. recovering from domestic abuse and homelessness and while I created a startup and meanwhile I had a toddler and I was in nervous system reset where most of the day I was lying on the floor doing about fuck all because I couldn't so if you are a person that can spend an hour in infinity and create incredibly grounded future-based products, resources, expressions of love itself. Love incarnate, you yourself in your own reflection. If you can do something like that, if you are the kind of person that's like I have an idea and a week later it's a whole thing If you are the kind of person that creates canvases or sculptures or artwork or businesses or books or gardens or children or whatever it is. and you are not infinitely wealthy. and not just in money, like in resources, in personal power, in accessible power, in peace. If you do not have a lived experience of peace. a lived experience of deep, unbreakable trust in self in the world. if you are not somebody who can bring other people together. So just look at where the external breakage occurs. Is it in the people? So is it therefore you don't trust yourself around people? Or you don't trust yourself to not self betray in relationships? Is it that you don't have trust and peace in self and therefore you just don't trust yourself, yourself betraying at the level of you? Is it that you ⁓ choke at not the ideation but the execution and the physicalization of your creations and therefore you don't have the trust? and maybe being seen or being recognized or being someone who can finish or maybe it's that other people will steal it from you, take it from you. And so it's not worth doing because it'll never be yours. Trace this, know, really sit in this space right now and be like, where does the self betrayal that I feel show up externally? and then trace that back to where it exists internally. And this is such a powerful and amazing exercise to do because it shifts the blame from they did this to me and I'm so fucking annoyed. ⁓ my God, like Becky did this. Fuck Becky, right? ⁓ Becky comes and takes from you because Becky has no power. Becky has no connection to her body and her feminine embodiment. Becky can't create shit. So what does Becky do? She steals it. She takes it from you. And Becky's no different than the thousands of years. that this has been happening. ⁓ I know so many witches who just can't be fucked to do it again. Yeah, I could build this whole big, like, huge thing. Or I could just enjoy my peaceful life. But the problem is that the universe doesn't let you enjoy your peaceful life. You're not here to have a small, insignificant life. You're here to come to blow shit up. You what I mean? Like you're here to write the books, to do the courses, to stand on stage, to shift consciousness, not only for yourself, but for every other person that's so lost. You exude embodiment, clarity, wisdom, strength, resilience, caring, nurturing, creative fire. the ability to just keep getting up. You you work through fire on Tuesday and you're a new person by Wednesday and you do it again on Thursday. Like you are so made for these times, but it's this, it's this constant thing around betrayal and about. just getting screwed over by everybody else who's trying to steal your light and i'm really sick of it because i've been told i have been told she's just jealous of you since what five years old since the moment I could understand the conceptualization of this. She just wants to take what you have. She just wants to steal your light. She's, and here's the thing about jealousy for me. I have never looked at anyone else and thought I want what they're having. Cause what I have is so much better. But it's not better when you're hiding it under an umbrella or under a cloak in the dark of night, not sharing it, not letting it burn brightly and shine from the top of your own lighthouse because you just cannot deal with any more people trying to steal from you. That's the stuff. that's the share of today of just going ⁓ guys honestly I don't how many more betrayals I can do because I'm ⁓ the rage I feel at this point ⁓ it's like I can tap into that it's like honestly ⁓ Can you not just go and work it out yourself? But no, of they're not. That's why people rip off shit all the time. You go and create something and factories in China, wherever, they just go and produce the exact same thing with seven points of difference and it's no longer a copyright infringement. So creators are always... always the one who are putting all the money up front, who are putting all the energy up front, all the creativity up front, all of the work up front, all the ingenuity and intelligence and all of the things. And if they ever get credit for being the ones who started this, great. But even with all the patents and even with all of like copyright and IP infringement laws and all of this kind of stuff. It's always going to be the one who can produce it for the cheapest amount and deliver it efficiently. And that sucks under capitalism because it really doesn't always pay off for the creator. And you look at artists and how artists are treated in capitalism. Creating art is the highest form of service. But in our world, apparently there's 10 people who are allowed to be pop stars and the rest of the people have to starve. And this is what really gets stamped into our nervous systems, right? So it's like, it's all good to sit here and talk about creativity and sexual energy and tapping into the infinity and, and, being this creator and being this feminine embodied being of creatrix, you know, losing sensuality, sexuality and creativity and elevating and elevating and elevating a life identity upgrade after identity upgrade. But The flip side of that is, this is why it's the flip side, right? Because you always have the polarities. The further you go on one side, the further you get shot back into the other and you work those poles. And you kind of know that if you're at this point in time, if you're listening to this podcast, it's not your first day on the job, right? You know polarity work feels so like, You feel schizophrenic in many ways. Like you have to go to the highest peaks and the deepest valleys. And you just oscillate between those two points until one day, I don't know, you get wise, you work out what's been happening. ⁓ But the betrayal on the nervous system, it's not just a story. It's not just a story. It's not just that Becky took your whatever, whatever she took, you know? Because betrayal isn't just a rupture of trust. It ignites survival systems in the body, whether it's flight, flight or freeze. So you get constantly into these nervous system survival patterns. And then you need to use your time, energy, motivation, dedication, all of the rest of it, all of these resources that you have in unfreezing, unrunning, in unflying, you know, to come back to stasis, to come back to equilibrium, leaving these emotional wounds held in your tissues. Then you've got to go and Clear out your fascia, clear out your tissue, clear out your body, do all the work on that. You need to clear your organs, you need to use your breath, you need to get into this vagal state of normalcy again. And then from there, increase your nervous system capacity to hold more. That's energy, that's time, that's resources. And meanwhile, Becky, what she did was take your stuff. And there's this inherent injustice in that. There's this inherent like... Can I even be bothered? Like, what is the value for me as a native creator to go out and create, to have my stuff stolen, to be betrayed, to have to go and do all of this work again? And that's where I'm at. And I'm like, ugh, what a drag. And it's like, the brain registers betrayal the same way it registers physical threat. Right? You didn't actually maybe have a physical life-threatening situation, but remember the last time you were betrayed and... what were the body sensations? was like such ⁓ adrenaline, ⁓ fear, desire to run, desire to fight, just like and no amount of breathing in that moment is going to bring you down. Like this is not the time for like, ⁓ you calm, gentle, but no, ⁓ it's Because it's not the first betrayal that your body, that your consciousness, that your being has been through. It's like the 20 millionth. And it's tiring. It's so tiring. And... It's not like you don't know the somatic psychology, right? Like it's not like you don't know that the nervous system can discharge and reorganize and, you know, be brought down from its defensive adaptations, know, the tension, the disassociation, the hypervigilance. It's not that you don't know that you can't get out of it, but it's that the nervous system has a mind of its own, right? And you need to discharge your energy into that instead of being your... You cannot be a nervous system freeze and create. So you come out of who you innately are because of somebody else's actions. And I think that's what the part for me is so enraging. It's like, here I was, showing up, doing what I'm... I'm here to do, I'm being that expression of me in the world. I am using my gifts, I'm using my God given talents. I am being the biggest version that I can be today. And as a result of that, my work is stolen from me. And if you're like me, my work is not something that I wrote on a computer and I handed into accounting by 5pm. My work is my soul. It's my expression. It's the replication of me into the world. So you haven't just stolen my work. You've taken me. You've taken that aspect of my soul, that aspect of my identity, my consciousness, my being, my self creation, my self reflection. And you've taken it. and you've done it callously, knowingly. You know it's not your work. Of course you know. You didn't write it, you didn't paint it, you didn't create it. It's mine. It's not yours. You couldn't do it without me so you know it's mine. And then when people steal your stuff and then they sell it as if it's their own and do that with a straight face. Who are you? How do you sleep? But more importantly, why isn't your deepest burning desire to find out who you are and create that into the world? Do you have so little understanding of who you are and what you can do? and so little trust and faith in your own abilities. You have so little capacity to master your craft that instead you go and you pillage from others. That's the layer of the betrayal to them as well. They're self betraying in the moment that they're taking from someone else. and you're self-betraying that you let them at whatever level you did. ⁓ And this is the part that gets really trippy. It's like, but I believe in trust and I believe in goodness and I believe in collaboration and togetherness. But should I or can I believe in those things and still set up a foundation? in the 3d reality where we have contracts and we have clarity and we have all these things and that's really the navigation of this of this topic right how do you actually live a true expression a free expression of yourself where you want to create and put that out into the world but you still need to be some level of protected and does protected feel good Or does self-betrayal feel good? Or does being betr- There's no good choice, right? So I guess the reframe here is that betrayal isn't just something that happened to you. It's a nervous system imprint asking for integration, asking to be seen, asking to be, up, ⁓ into. ⁓ are those Where is that loop ⁓ taking you? ⁓ it's not suppressing it. It's not about just being angry, but it's about saying, okay, I'm angry today. That's fine. ⁓ That's where I'm at. I'm allowed to rage. I'm allowed to feel injustice. I'm allowed to feel betrayed. But then after that passes, or even when that's raw, depending on how capable you feel, to be in that imprint, to be in that cycle, to be in that nervous system ⁓ circulation. and start to rewire and reroute it, integrate it differently. What needs to happen now to feel safe to create, even if this may happen again. But how do I make sure that this won't happen again? And how do I give myself safety and worthiness? You know, for me, what I'm really coming to is, okay, we can create together, we can collaborate together. And here's a really clear way of sending that out and making sure that the structures of collaboration are really clear. and I sign here and you sign there and my lawyer signs here and your lawyer signs there. And if we ever deviate from this, we'll know who deviated and we'll have it in black and white. And so I think that for me, the nervous system calibration was the integration into, okay, there are these 3D structures in the world that have been working really well for people to create together and to collaborate together. And the problem with the spiritual community or the unprofessional community is that they are that. They are unprofessional. ⁓ So that's... That's the first step that I've taken and that I will continue to take. I guess the second point is the identity recalibration. You need to shift from that victim's story into the sovereign self. Because betrayal can fracture identity. 100 % it can really hurt you more than anything else in the world. This is a person that I trusted and loved and we had mutual understanding and they have screwed me and that came out of nowhere. Now whether that's a marriage dissolving, ⁓ partnership dissolving, you know, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. You know what the betrayal is for you. You know how it feels and you know how like that came out nowhere. What's just happened? How do I, how do I process this? So the way that I've approached it, not being perfect in any way myself, but see if this helps, is that it also reveals the self that you were unready to embody until now. You are not ready to be the motherfucker. Whatever that is, know. You are not ready to be your most sovereign version. You are not ready to be the woman that just blows shit up with her creations. You are not ready for that. Because if you were, no one would be able to touch them. Because what is yours in this world cannot be taken by anyone else. So if you're not claiming it, if you're not saying this is mine. If you haven't claimed the creations that you create, have you claimed yourself? Have you owned who you are in every single part of you? Are you 100 % owning who you are? owning your shadow, owning your light, owning every single part of you. Because when you do, no one can. You are so sovereign, you are so powerful. And when you are creating from the body, from your womb, from the infinite being that you are, it will be so obvious that it's not the other person's work, that even if they take it, it means nothing. And then I guess from that perspective, you're like, thanks for the flattery, but I'll take it from here. And I think where I always need to, I go through my process of like, this is annoying, you know. And as long as I don't internalize the betrayal as I was wrong or I failed. or I'm a piece of shit or I didn't protect myself or I, I, I, I and all in my victim story as long as I can, you know, I'll have my pity party. And then it's like, okay, cool. So I've got all the data. I've got all the information. Who's running the show here? It's the victim. Cool. Hey, victim, let's sit down and have a chat. Because the true shift then is from external validation identity into internal coherence identity. you are not a victim, I am not a victim. And you need to get into the feminine embodiment theme of moving from a self that's reflected by others to the self that's generated from within. Okay this person's betraying me. Cool. Let's see where I'm betraying myself. This person stole something from me. Let's see where I'm not owning myself. Where am I dropping parts of me? Where am I not enough ⁓ that someone ⁓ could in one my little doors? ⁓ You know, where am not... ⁓ Fully together. Where am I fractured? Where am I dropping myself off? Where am I letting myself down? ⁓ And it's not narcissistic. This is not what I'm talking about. It's not like I'm so great and it's so amazing to be. Yeah. That's not going to get you anywhere actually. Because it's not going to show you where the pieces are missing. It's not going to show you where you self-reliant, where you self-betrayed, where you don't own your shit, where you're not taking responsibility. Most importantly, where you don't love yourself fully, wholly and completely. So once you own that, there's a part of you or many parts of of you that need to be owned, need to be nurtured, need to be loved back to fullness and wholeness and connection and coherence, then that's rooted autonomy, not reaction. No, you're not reacting anymore. You're not out there getting angry, getting triggered. You are reading the information of an assault that has occurred. and you are acting as sovereign, you have already put all the protections in place and the legalities in place. And so you have a very clear pathway forward. A woman who is legally protected, financially protected, know, personally protected because she's sovereign and she sets up these very clear, transparent guidelines for how to operate with her. What are the consequences for not adhering to that agreement and she has the resources and the intellect to not only set up really good, you ironclad contracts but to enforce them. That's a woman you can't fuck with. That's a woman that doesn't get triggered. That's a woman that doesn't go into her victim. She goes, you're actually in, you, you're actually broke our contract. That's fine. That's your choice. Here are the consequences that were set out in the contract that you signed. And we'll go through with that now. And it's not emotional. It is business. It is your life becomes a business in the sense that you are protected and you are operating from within your sovereignty. So to finish on that point, really only can be... when your victim arises because of betrayal or because of sabotage of some kind. The betrayal only stabilizes or should I say only destabilizes old identity patterns, not sovereign identity patterns. anywhere that somebody else ruffles your feathers, betrays you, destabilizes you, rocks you, it's data, it's information. Okay, I'm not solid there. That's an old identity that doesn't need to take precedence anymore. How can I upgrade that identity? How can I bring sovereignty to that? How can I bring validation to the sovereign part of me? and heal or give love to whatever needs to happen to that old identity. Because as you take steps to reclaim agency in your body, in your voice, in your boundaries, you will see the difference between the wounded self and the sovereign self far more clearly. So if you are looking at all your reactions about things that are happening to you in your relationships, particularly at times of betrayal, and you can use it as data and information about where your identity needs to be upgraded, fortified, solidified then it can it can be valuable it's not to say that it doesn't hurt and it's not to say that it didn't happen and you're not thankful for it we need to be We need to so get over this old like spiritual adage of like, ⁓ my god, thank you so much for fucking my life over so that I can like do these better. No. Stop thanking our abusers. Thanking our abusers asks for more abuse. What we do need to say is this won't happen again. I will take all required steps to ensure my sovereignty is protected and maintained and that my energy resources are no longer being used. to put into nervous system re-halibration and upgrades instead of my creation of my life. And that's the loop that you shift out of. If you continue to circle the drain of this betrayal and this betrayal and this betrayal and this betrayal, you will continue to use all your energetic resources in healing from betrayal instead of creating the life that you wish to be living. And that's the simple truth. You either fix how someone doesn't betray you anymore, either by exiting those relationships or fortifying yourself with contracts and other paperwork or other protection mechanisms. or you spend endless decades repairing and repairing and repairing and just in that loop in that loop that gets you nowhere. And the way that you can think about this is are you gonna just keep parking in the wrong place where the no standing sign is and every day you get the same ticket and every day you complain? ⁓ my god, why did the parking inspector give me this ticket? Doesn't he know that I wanted to park here and it's like my right? No, you parked in a no standing zone. You got a ticket. Your choices are move your car, don't park. there again and use your money in a different way or keep parking there, keep getting fines and keep spending your money on things you don't need to be spending money on. And so then we need to move into somatic integration, right? So we need to continue to make sure that the body is our source of truth, not our victim, not our betrayal, not our reaction, the body. Because healing betrayal is not cognitive, it's felt, it's stored in the body. So we need to be at the body level. Because the brain theorizes betrayal, but the body experiences it. Remember when you first felt the betrayal? And whether it was a mismatch of confusion, rage, agitation, whatever it was. You need to retrain the nervous system as I said, right? But through embodied practice. So it's breath regulation, you know? So making sure the polyvagal is breathing through this and recalibrating. Grounding and orienting yourself. Moving that and removing... and releasing the trauma and then doing some inner remapping of the boundary zones of the body. So before I was talking to you about like the external physical things that you could do to make sure that this doesn't happen again, this is the next step is really making sure that the body and they support each other right? Like if you keep parking in that same parking spot but you're doing breathing practices well that's just a ⁓ you're wasting your time. Move your car, find an appropriate park, make sure that you read the signs, do all of the right things first. And then when you've now calibrated to safety and you're not still in the danger zone, then you do the somatic practices. Then you release the trauma from the body. Then you do the body rewiring and the body release. And I guess what I've been talking about this entire time is how do you see, use and create initiation from this betrayal? So what is betrayal as initiation? We need to move away from it as being just injury, just trauma, just injustice. Okay, so what's the initiation here? What's the medicine here? What's the opportunity for me to come into a sovereign being here? Where am I, as I said before, where am I abandoning myself, betraying myself, not owning every aspect of me so that somebody else is starting to own that? And that's a harder thing to do, by the way, than just claiming victimhood. Because how many people stay in victimhood for the rest of their life and guess what? They circle their drain. They are eternal victims. Metrial is so easy at a surface level to say or to accept that it's somebody else's shittiness that caused this. But here's the thing. So I used to work for some very wealthy people and have wealthy people all around me. It's not that bad things don't keep happening. In fact, the more money you have, the more people that will come after you. It's just a fact. You've got money. If you're on the doll, if you don't have two cents to rub together, who's suing you? No one. It's a waste of time. You've got nothing. You've got nothing that nobody wants. Sue is safe. But you're not safe because you're poor. ⁓ You're not living, you don't have resources, you're not capable. So if you're really, really scared of people coming after you, you will keep yourself poor because you know that they will not come after you when you have nothing that they can take. So that's a form of self betrayal before anyone else can betray you. So if you're in that loop, check that out as well. maybe you used to have a lot and lots of people sued you. Lots of people came up to you. Lots of people wanted what you have, not just energetically, but financially as well. So you had lived an experience where lots of people wanted your life. Lots of people wanted the resources that you had in. And then you translated those resources from the invisible to the visible. And then people wanted that too. And you may have gotten yourself in a point where you're like, I can't keep fighting. I'm going to have nothing and I'm going to make myself so small and so hidden and so invisible that people will leave. But do they? Because if you're still tapped into the infinity of all, just because you've got no money and the majority of people can't see what you have, do they really leave you alone, the ones that can't see? So going back to multiple millionaires, people are coming at them every day. They have a staff on retainer of legal, very legal shocks, right? Like they do their stand, they eat people for breakfast. It doesn't ruffle them anymore. They're fortified, they're solid, they're sovereign. They're not getting dragged down into legal drama. In fact they probably don't even know about half of it because it doesn't matter to them. It doesn't need to matter. And that's where you need to be. Not necessarily just in the level of like I have you know legal staff on retainer and I don't need to know about the legal issues. You need to be so unruffled. You need to be so sovereign that nothing chinks you. You need to be fortified in paperwork and fortified in energetics. And that's where you move from victim to sovereign. That's where you use betrayal as initiation. It's not injury anymore. It's circumstance. It's happenstance. And so the final thing that I kind of do then is look at any archetypal patterns that are coming up. So I am a huge believer in any kind of deaths of old selves, of old identities. So that's the first sort of ⁓ esoteric kind of like, you know, beyond the body, more in the spiritual emotional body. Then I look at betrayal as threshold. What does that rebirth look on the other side of this betrayal? So you're not trying to romanticize the pain or the betrayal. You're trying to recontextualize or at least contextualize the rupture. Because I think a lot of people when they're trying to go on a spiritual path of healing involve deception. So they want to deceive themselves or sort of give the betrayer more power than they deserve to these betrayal figures so that they can awaken sovereignty in them. It's the difference between how to be triggered emotionally, like in triggered emotional wounding and actually assess and validate a boundary has been violated and that you will not stand for that anymore. So this is like, okay, I would like to have a greater fortification and protection around myself so that as I'm building this sovereignty, I'm not continually in a healing loop that's keeping all my energy sucked into or siphoned into an emotional wound healing, know, energetic dump of resource and that's going to happen every single week. As I said, if you're going to keep parking your car in a no standing zone and you're going to keep being surprised at getting a ticket, why would you put the ticket inspector, parking inspector on this pedestal of he's helping me to grow. No he's not because you haven't moved your car. You haven't taken the actions from that initiation. You just keep spiritually, you know, making him into this king, into this authority, into his role in your life. is becoming really important and it's not. He's a parking inspector who has let you know you keep parking your car in a no standing zone. The end. Move your car and then the work begins. And so I think as easy as it can to be like ⁓ my god that person's helping me so much I'm so grateful to them. That is really old spiritual mumbo jumbo that keeps you locked in a loop of perpetual healing. and then how do you justify it? ⁓ it's another layer. ⁓ it's another... you will be there until you die because you haven't moved your car. You are going to get a ticket every single day. Move your car. Don't park in the no standing zone. Don't continue to put yourself in the place where people can betray you. Don't continue to create collaborations or friendships or relationships based on any availability for you to be betrayed. First step is move your car from the no standing zone and then do the initiation work. Then do the what is in this for me? How do I fortify? How do we protect? And the only reason that you need to do that is because otherwise you are just dumping energy out. And then you ask why am I so tired? ⁓ my god all I do is like work so hard and do all this healing work but I'm so tired. Of course you're tired. You're not doing anything with your energetic resources to elevate your life, to move you beyond the place that you are right now. You're looping. And so it's actually about designing new boundaries. That is the last step to this. So healing is not avoidance of betrayal. It's conscious boundary architecture. And I have been someone who really has struggled with boundaries because it's like if we live in love and we all live together in togetherness and blended consciousness, blah, blah, blah, we don't need boundaries. Great. But we don't all live there, do we? There are some of us who live in infinite capacity. ⁓ And some of us who believe that we never will and therefore take from those who have. And if you are someone who has, it is time to get real about how you use that infinity. Boundaries are nervous system capacities. The more capacity you have in your nervous system, the more you can create, the more that you can do, the more that you can expand, the more that you can shift and hold this identity. The felt sensations of safe versus unsafe need to be felt in the body, need to be recalibrated into the nervous system. You need internal yes, no signals that you can hear and that you can follow. And so the problem for women and the reason that so many of us are here, is that we are taught to please. We are taught to be compliant, to be complicit, to be good girls, to be so non-adversarial, palatable, easygoing, pleasant, to accommodate, to merge, to do whatever, to put our needs last. Betrayal forces you to upgrade. Boundaries become these lived sensations because you need them to be. You know the difference between what you can create and who you be and the identity that you can hold when you are safe, when you are fortified, when you are protected, and when you are working with collaborations you trust and that you're legally protected in. Boundaries really force you to look at the intellectual design of your life but also the basic safety design of your life. How are you ensuring safety for yourself? Mothers do this instinctively, right? The bullshit that they used to accept as single individuals completely changes when they are mothers because now they have to protect a child or children. You're not coming into their house. You know, she doesn't let drug addicts and homeless people, people that are going to shit all over her life in around her children. She might have, she might've let those drifters into her life, but not with them. And so you need to start to be the mother to yourself. You need to hold the boundaries that a loving mother would hold for her baby that she would want to protect more than anything. It's not about, I'm not. I'm not loving if I put out boundaries. It's that you are so loving of the thing that you're protecting. You are so enamored with the energy and the creations. You are so focused and passionate and dedicated to the fulfillment of your role here on the planet that you won't let anything come to that. That's mother love, right? You need to love your desires, your passions, your turn ons as much as you love your children, as much as you love yourself. And when you put, am here for this finite time to create this thing that I'm creating. Everything else is a distraction to that. Anyone else that can come and take that, that is not fully and truly aligned needs to be exited. And if you don't know and you want to trust somebody and you want to bring them in, you know, at whatever stage in the collaboration into that, that's fine. Be open to that. But put mechanisms in place that protect your project above all else. Your creations need space, need protections, need safety in order to come and to be in the world. And that's the difference between protective inhibition and empowered presence. Right? You're not... You don't have to sense boundary violations before they occur. You just need the protections so that if they do, it doesn't matter. Then it doesn't work for you. That everything doesn't fall apart. You don't collapse and the project doesn't collapse when a violation occurs. So be open to bringing people in, but make sure that you're protected. that no matter what they do or how they be in the creation space that you created, that it's protected, that it's empowered. And that's, I guess you can still have somatic consent, you can still have spiritual consent, can do all of those things, but not without the real world contracts, not without real world protections. Because embodied boundaries do restore agency. But you don't have to hold the energetic architecture if you have translated those embodied boundaries into physical reality boundaries, contracts, legalities, fortifications that are upheld in a court of law. ⁓ So I think that's really how you transform betrayal from a weakness into some kind of a curriculum, some kind of an identity upgrade, an initiation, a portal, whatever you want to say. Because instead of this linear hurt to heal that so many of us have been taught to go through. Sometimes it's spiral and the value of a spiral vortex is that it catapults you into a new identity. So betrayal can happen and it can rupture you and it can ruffle you. but it can also be the springboard that you need to catapult you into a new identity, into a rethinking and a redesigning of structures that actually put something into place. And in the context of 2026 in the firehorse here, as I understand it, I'm not an astrologer, I'm not a Chinese or Vedic practitioner, But here's how I understand it. There's so much fire and there's so much speed and there's so much talk. But if you are not structured, if you are not focused, it can get out of control and you can have fires lit anywhere with nothing propelling it with nothing moving it forward and with nothing containing that fire and so it either burns you out or it never gets started and so part of the structure that betrayal can actually put into place and optimize here is what do i need people to operate within the bandwidth of? What do I need one particular person to come in and do or this person or that person or whatever it may be? And how do I constrict the role that they play in order to catapult the project forward in a more dynamic way? How do we both sit in the bottom of a vortex and get sucked all the way to the top because of the momentum that we create together in these structures that we've designed for success? And nebulous projects, know, because my background has been in VC and creating structures in my business and creating very clear outcomes for investors. and the reason why they would invest in you and the reason why you need their money and being very, very, very specific around the things that a business would do that year. And I've also been in the spiritual place where everybody just, you know, feels into it. My... gift I suppose was blending those two to feel when you need to feel but to structure when you need to structure and I can tell you it is a lot easier to feel your way through a very robust structure. The feminine needs the structure to be in, she needs the banks or the river just has no flow it just gets seeped into the it's a flood. water without banks of flood. It doesn't do anything for anyone. It doesn't go anywhere. It doesn't create. It destroys. And most importantly, it doesn't go very far. And it tends to just seep back into the earth until, you know, how do get rid of floodwater? It just eventually evaporates, seeps into the earth, or just like flows away into some arbitrary place. ⁓ It's not contained, it's not directed, it's not pointed, it doesn't have a manifestation for good at the end. It doesn't make positive impact. The structures that we need when we are looking for a feminine embodiment are the same structures that we need to upgrade our identity after betrayal. I hope this episode has been valuable for you in some way. I think it's so easy to feel the raw emotion of a deep betrayal. Of a friend whom you trusted, of a loved one that left you, of someone who steals your work and makes it their own. But if you stay in that victim, you're gonna be that 75 year old you know, bitty, saying I could have done this or I did this but they did that. Nobody listens to that crazy talk. So don't start it. Because that person speaking about something that happened 25 years ago has been talking about that for 25. That's the loop. That's the broken record. So decide how you want to spend your time, energy and voice. You stay ruptured. You stay angry. You stay looping. or you make a decision, it's a choice point. This will not happen again. I will not be here again. lots of love and catch you next week.