Latest / Faithful Fitness With Coach Alex VanHouten / What If You Raise Healthy Kids Who Don’t Love God?

Transcript

What If You Raise Healthy Kids Who Don’t Love God? · Faithful Fitness With Coach Alex VanHouten

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Speaker 1: Hey Faithful, welcome to the Faithful Fitness Podcast. In a moment,
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Speaker 1: my dad, Coach Alex Van Houten, will help you honor
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Speaker 1: God by making the most out of the body God's
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Speaker 1: given you. Today you can expect truth from the Bible,
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Speaker 1: tools from science, and guidance for everyday life. So listen
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Speaker 1: close and get ready. Let's get 1% better today.
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Speaker 2: What's up Faithful? Coach Alex here. Grace and peace to you.
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Speaker 2: I want to start the final episode of this series
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Speaker 2: with a question that might be the most important one
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Speaker 2: we've asked yet. What if you raised a child who
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Speaker 2: was strong, healthy, disciplined, confident, successful, but completely in love
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Speaker 2: with the world? Would we call that a win? What
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Speaker 2: if your son grows up physically capable, financially successful, well-educated,
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Speaker 2: respected by the people around him, and yet he has
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Speaker 2: no desire for God? What if your daughter grows up healthy, confident, accomplished,
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Speaker 2: and completely convinced that the purpose of her life is
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Speaker 2: to build a comfortable life for herself? Would we say, man,
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Speaker 2: we did it? I don't think so. Because as much
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Speaker 2: as we care about exercise, nutrition, sleep, stress, healthy habits,
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Speaker 2: and all the things that we've talked about in this series,
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Speaker 2: none of those things are the ultimate goal. They're good.
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Speaker 2: They're important. They're worth teaching, but they're not God. And
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Speaker 2: if we don't eventually answer the question, what is all
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Speaker 2: this health actually for? Then we can very easily spend
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Speaker 2: 18 years teaching our children how to build a strong
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Speaker 2: body while completely missing the point of having one. So
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Speaker 2: that's what we're going to talk about today. This is
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Speaker 2: part four, the final episode of our Faithful Family series.
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Speaker 2: In part one, we talked about creating an active family.
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Speaker 2: In part two, we talked about helping our children build
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Speaker 2: a healthy relationship with food. In part three, we talked
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Speaker 2: about sleep, stress, screens, margin, and learning to rest. And today,
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Speaker 2: we're going to put all of that together. We're going
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Speaker 2: to talk about spiritual fitness. But I don't mean adding
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Speaker 2: one more category to the list. Exercise, check. Nutrition, check. Sleep, check.
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Speaker 2: Bible reading, check. That's not really what I mean. I'm
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Speaker 2: talking about what happens when all those things come underneath
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Speaker 2: the biggest truth. My life belongs to God. My body
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Speaker 2: belongs to God. My strength belongs to God. My time
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Speaker 2: belongs to God. And while we're at it, my appetite
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Speaker 2: belongs to God. My gifts belong to God. My work
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Speaker 2: belongs to God. My rest belongs to God. And if
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Speaker 2: our kids can grow up understanding that, then suddenly health
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Speaker 2: becomes more than self-improvement. It becomes stewardship. Whether you intend
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Speaker 2: to or not, you're forming your children. Every family is.
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Speaker 2: We're always teaching something about what matters. We're teaching something
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Speaker 2: about success. We're teaching something about identity. We're teaching something
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Speaker 2: about comfort. We're teaching something about God. Even if we
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Speaker 2: never sit everybody down and announce, today we're going to
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Speaker 2: discuss our family theology. We're teaching it anyway. Your kids
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Speaker 2: are watching what makes you anxious. They're watching what makes
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Speaker 2: you angry. They're watching at what makes you excited. And
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Speaker 2: they're watching what you're willing to sacrifice for. They're also
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Speaker 2: watching what gets protected on the calendar. They're watching what
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Speaker 2: happens when church conflicts with something else. They're watching what
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Speaker 2: happens when money gets tight. They're watching what you do
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Speaker 2: when you're tired. They're watching how you treat people who
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Speaker 2: can't do anything for you. They're watching how you respond
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Speaker 2: when you lose. They're watching how you respond when you win.
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Speaker 2: And in those little moments that they're learning, this is
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Speaker 2: what mom and dad think life is about. That's spiritual formation.
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Speaker 2: And it happens whether we're intentional about it or not. Recently,
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Speaker 2: I was at an event and somebody backed into my car.
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Speaker 2: My son was with me when the man came inside
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Speaker 2: and said, hey, I'm so sorry, Alex, is that your car?
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Speaker 2: And I turned and looked at it. confirm yep that's
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Speaker 2: my car what's up he said well i didn't mean
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Speaker 2: to it was in my blind spot and i backed
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Speaker 2: right into it i'm so sorry i'm willing to pay
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Speaker 2: for it how much do i owe you and i
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Speaker 2: said well let's go take a look so my son
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Speaker 2: came with me and i remember thinking the whole time
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Speaker 2: this is nothing to get upset about we've been looking
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Speaker 2: for a decent reason to pull the trigger on a
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Speaker 2: new car anyway and i was intensely aware that my
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Speaker 2: son was watching every moment of my reaction on the
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Speaker 2: way to the car before i'd even seen the damage
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Speaker 2: i patted the guy in the back and said, hey man,
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Speaker 2: in my house we have a saying, things don't matter,
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Speaker 2: people matter, so I don't want you to stress right now.
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Speaker 2: I'm sure it's not that significant, and even if it is,
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Speaker 2: we drive older cars for a reason. I walked up
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Speaker 2: to the driver's side door. It's a pretty large dent
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Speaker 2: in the door, and I chuckled as I shared my
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Speaker 2: first thought with him. I said, well, I was hoping
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Speaker 2: you smashed it bad enough that I could justify buying
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Speaker 2: a new car now, but that's not bad at all.
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Speaker 2: In fact, it gives me a chance to try something
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Speaker 2: I've always wanted to try. And I looked at my son,
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Speaker 2: and I said, hey, Did you know that you could
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Speaker 2: fix a dent in a door with a basketball? And
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Speaker 2: he looked so confused. I said, I don't know. I
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Speaker 2: saw it on YouTube once. When we get home, let's
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Speaker 2: try it. And the man said, no, really, I'd like
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Speaker 2: you to go get a quote so I could pay
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Speaker 2: for it. I put my hand on his shoulder, looked
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Speaker 2: him in the face, and said, really, brother, I'm not
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Speaker 2: worried about it. Thanks for telling me. Everything's going to
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Speaker 2: be okay. You don't owe me anything. And with that,
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Speaker 2: we got back to the event. And that afternoon... With
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Speaker 2: a deflated basketball, an air pump, and a little effort,
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Speaker 2: my oldest and I fixed the dent. You can just
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Speaker 2: barely tell that we'd ever been hit there. What does
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Speaker 2: this have to do with faithful fitness? Well, throughout this series,
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Speaker 2: I've asked you a version of the same question. What
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Speaker 2: are your kids learning about movement by watching you? What
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Speaker 2: are they learning about food? What are they learning about work, stress, sleep,
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Speaker 2: and rest? So now let's ask the bigger version of
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Speaker 2: the question. What are your kids learning about God? by
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Speaker 2: watching the way you live. Do they see a God
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Speaker 2: who's important on Sunday and mostly irrelevant Monday through Saturday?
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Speaker 2: Do they see a God who's useful when life goes badly,
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Speaker 2: but unnecessary when things are going well? Do they see
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Speaker 2: faith as one more activity squeezed into an already packed week?
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Speaker 2: Or do they see that your relationship with God actually
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Speaker 2: changes the way that you live? Does it change how
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Speaker 2: you spend money, how you eat, how you train, how
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Speaker 2: you speak, How you handle disappointment? What about how you
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Speaker 2: treat your spouse? Or how you respond when somebody backs
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Speaker 2: into your car? What about how you deal with stress?
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Speaker 2: And how you decide what to say yes to? That's
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Speaker 2: what I mean by spiritual fitness. Not merely knowing Bible facts.
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Speaker 2: Not merely going to church more often. But becoming the
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Speaker 2: kind of person whose life is increasingly shaped by Christ.
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Speaker 2: Now I don't want you thinking too highly of me.
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Speaker 2: I don't always get it right. It wasn't that long
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Speaker 2: ago that I was fasting and praying for something important.
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Speaker 2: And since it's hard to fast with little kids, I
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Speaker 2: let my wife know and I still came to dinner
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Speaker 2: and sat with the family and drank some water so
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Speaker 2: that my fast didn't interfere with family time. I was
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Speaker 2: at the table and my youngest said, oh, are you fasting?
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Speaker 2: I said, yeah, buddy, I have some things I'm praying about.
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Speaker 2: And he said, I don't like it when you fast.
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Speaker 2: I said, why not? And in a way only little
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Speaker 2: kids can. He cut me all the way to the
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Speaker 2: heart when he said, well, when you fast, you usually
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Speaker 2: get a little more angry. I was floored. Something good
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Speaker 2: in my spiritual and physical journey, fasting. wasn't actually translating
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Speaker 2: well for my youngest. In fact, Jesus said, when you fast,
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Speaker 2: to put oil in your hair and keep your countenance
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Speaker 2: light so that your Father in heaven, who knows what
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Speaker 2: you're doing in secret, will reward you in secret. I
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Speaker 2: was practicing something good, fasting, which can be a great
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Speaker 2: way to lead by example. But I was practicing that
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Speaker 2: good thing poorly and giving my youngest the wrong idea
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Speaker 2: about how a man handles himself when he's hungry. They're
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Speaker 2: always learning from us. including when we don't realize we're teaching.
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Speaker 2: And this is one of the most important things that
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Speaker 2: I want my boys to understand. Your body matters. It
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Speaker 2: matters a lot. Take care of it. Use it. Strengthen it.
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Speaker 2: Feed it well. Let it recover. Learn what it's capable of.
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Speaker 2: But don't worship it. Don't find your identity in your
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Speaker 2: health and fitness. Our culture has a really difficult time
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Speaker 2: holding these two ideas together. On the one side, you
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Speaker 2: have people who neglect the body like it doesn't matter.
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Speaker 2: And then on the other side, you have people who
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Speaker 2: treat the body like it's the center of the universe.
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Speaker 2: Everything becomes about appearance and performance, longevity and optimization, body fat, muscle, energy, biohacking.
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Speaker 2: And at some point, health stops being stewardship. It becomes
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Speaker 2: its own object of worship. I don't want that for
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Speaker 2: my boys either. I don't want that for your family.
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Speaker 2: I don't want them believing that the goal of their
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Speaker 2: life is to preserve their body forever. No matter how
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Speaker 2: hard they try, they're not going to. And neither am I.
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Speaker 2: None of us gets out of this thing alive. Unless
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Speaker 2: Christ returns first. So, health can't be the ultimate goal.
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Speaker 2: Strength can't be the ultimate goal. Longevity can't be the
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Speaker 2: ultimate goal. And looking good can't be the ultimate goal.
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Speaker 2: The body's a gift. but gifts are meant to be
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Speaker 2: used for something. So here's a question that I love
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Speaker 2: asking people. What is your strength for? Because strength by
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Speaker 2: itself is morally neutral. A strong person can serve people,
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Speaker 2: and a strong person can hurt people. A wealthy person
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Speaker 2: can bless people, and a wealthy person can exploit people.
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Speaker 2: A smart person can teach people, Capability is powerful. And
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Speaker 2: so capability needs direction. And I think Jesus gives us
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Speaker 2: a completely different picture of strength than the world gives us.
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Speaker 2: The world often says that strength means, I get my way.
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Speaker 2: I win. I dominate. I don't need anybody. I make
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Speaker 2: people bend to me. But when you look at Christ,
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Speaker 2: you see strength used in service. You see authority washing feet.
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Speaker 2: You see power stepping down. You see a man who
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Speaker 2: could call legions of angels choosing the cross. That's a
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Speaker 2: very different picture. He said, to whom much is given,
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Speaker 2: much is expected. Biblical strength is not simply the ability
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Speaker 2: to exert your will. It's the ability to offer yourself.
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Speaker 2: That's what I want my sons to understand. If you're stronger, great.
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Speaker 2: Who can you help with that strength? If you're faster, awesome.
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Speaker 2: Who can you serve? If you're bigger, great. Who can
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Speaker 2: you protect? If you're healthy, wonderful. What can you do
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Speaker 2: with that health that someone else might not be able to?
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Speaker 2: Strength isn't valuable because it makes you impressive. Strength is
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Speaker 2: valuable because it expands your capacity to love people well
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Speaker 2: and to be a part of Christ's good work of
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Speaker 2: seeing God's kingdom break through here on earth as it
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Speaker 2: is in heaven. There was a huge storm in our
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Speaker 2: community not that long ago. And after the drought, a
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Speaker 2: lot of trees were ready to drop some branches. And
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Speaker 2: it just so happens one of the families that we're
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Speaker 2: connected to had a lot of branches drop in their
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Speaker 2: backyard and on the roof. Now the head of their
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Speaker 2: household had just hurt his knee really badly and was
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Speaker 2: currently in the process of trying to recover it. So
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Speaker 2: when I heard about it, I told my oldest son,
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Speaker 2: hey buddy, get dressed. I know it's raining outside, but
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Speaker 2: we have some work to do for somebody. So we
11:53
Speaker 2: showed up just about nightfall as it was pouring rain.
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Speaker 2: I started working with some other guys to chainsaw and
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Speaker 2: haul these branches and get them off the roof before
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Speaker 2: it caused any more damage. And to make matters worse,
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Speaker 2: we were knee-deep in fire ants that had floated up
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Speaker 2: from the water. It was not an easy job. And
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Speaker 2: I remember being my boy's age and doing things because
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Speaker 2: people told me to, not because I understood why they
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Speaker 2: were important. After we'd worked for about an hour, we
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Speaker 2: had a giant brush pile. And I took my son
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Speaker 2: to the side just before the work was done. I said,
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Speaker 2: do you see what all these men are doing for
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Speaker 2: this family right now? And I grabbed his arm and
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Speaker 2: I grabbed his back. I said, this is what all
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Speaker 2: those pull-ups are for. We're not just strong to be strong.
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Speaker 2: We're strong so that when things like this show up,
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Speaker 2: we can be the kind of men who can stand
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Speaker 2: in the gap. And then I told him I was
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Speaker 2: proud of him because he was the youngest dude out
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Speaker 2: there and he was still working his butt off. That's
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Speaker 2: why we train. We talked in part one about teaching
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Speaker 2: children how to do hard things. We talked about physical discipline.
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Speaker 2: And in part two, we talked about learning moderation and
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Speaker 2: wisdom around food. And in part three, we talked about
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Speaker 2: working hard and learning how to stop. All those things
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Speaker 2: involve discipline. I love discipline. I'm a coach. Of course
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Speaker 2: I love discipline, but discipline itself is not righteousness. There
13:01
Speaker 2: are incredibly disciplined people who are prideful. There are incredibly
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Speaker 2: disciplined people who are selfish. There are incredibly disciplined people
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Speaker 2: who have trained themselves to chase completely empty things. Unfortunately,
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Speaker 2: I've been all three in my life before. Discipline is
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Speaker 2: just the ability to consistently direct yourself towards something. The
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Speaker 2: question is this. Toward what? That's why spiritual formation matters.
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Speaker 2: Because discipline without direction can simply make you very effective
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Speaker 2: at pursuing the wrong life. I don't merely want my
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Speaker 2: boys to know how to delay gratification. I want them
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Speaker 2: to know what is worth delaying gratification for. I don't
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Speaker 2: merely want them to know how to suffer. I want
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Speaker 2: them to know when suffering is worth enduring. I don't
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Speaker 2: merely want them to know how to obey the rules.
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Speaker 2: I want them to love what is good. That's deeper.
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Speaker 2: It actually reminds me of the story of Jacob. After
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Speaker 2: leaving his father's house and working for 14 years to
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Speaker 2: get his wives, the Lord tells him it's time to
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Speaker 2: return to his father's house, which also means that he's
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Speaker 2: going to have to make peace with his brother. On
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Speaker 2: the way, something really odd happens. He meets with a
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Speaker 2: divine being in the wilderness. And they wrestle. Now, the
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Speaker 2: Bible isn't perfectly clear about who exactly this is. It
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Speaker 2: could be God. It could be an angel. It could
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Speaker 2: be Christ himself. But the identity of the being in
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Speaker 2: this context isn't as important as this lesson. Jacob refuses
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Speaker 2: to let go. He grabs on and he holds on.
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Speaker 2: And that takes a crazy amount of stubbornness. And stubbornness
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Speaker 2: can have some negative connotations too. Here in the South,
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Speaker 2: we call it being hard-headed. In biblical terms, they called
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Speaker 2: it being stiff-necked. What makes Jacob's stubbornness good in this context?
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Speaker 2: It's that Jacob grabs onto God. and doesn't let go.
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Speaker 2: The stubbornness is good because he's holding on to the
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Speaker 2: right thing. And this sort of truth is incredibly important
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Speaker 2: when kids start competing. Sports, academics, music, dance, whatever it is.
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Speaker 2: Competition's fantastic. I love competition. You learn things about yourself
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Speaker 2: under pressure that are hard to learn anywhere else. But
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Speaker 2: competition can also expose what we've accidentally made ultimate. If
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Speaker 2: my son strikes out three times, what happens in the
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Speaker 2: car ride home? If he doesn't start? If someone else
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Speaker 2: is better? If the referee makes a terrible call? If
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Speaker 2: he plays the best game of his life? What message
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Speaker 2: do I send in my reaction? Because children are constantly asking,
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Speaker 2: am I okay? Are you proud of me? Do I belong?
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Speaker 2: Who am I? And if the only time our faces
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Speaker 2: light up is when they perform well, they learn something
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Speaker 2: from that. Maybe unintentionally, but they can learn performance gets love.
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Speaker 2: Achievement gets approval. Winning makes dad happy. And that can
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Speaker 2: become a very heavy burden. We need to teach them,
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Speaker 2: I love watching how hard you work. I love watching
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Speaker 2: you improve. But your performance does not determine your worth.
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Speaker 2: You were made by God. You bear his image. And
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Speaker 2: if you're in Christ, your identity is not up for
16:15
Speaker 2: renegotiation every time you win or lose. That's spiritual fitness.
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Speaker 2: That's actually one place that sports can become an incredible
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Speaker 2: laboratory for character. You lose, and then what happens? Can
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Speaker 2: you congratulate someone else? Can you admit they played better?
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Speaker 2: Can you learn something? Can you go home disappointed without
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Speaker 2: being bitter? And what about when you win? What happens?
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Speaker 2: Are you grateful? Are you humble? Do you avoid humiliating
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Speaker 2: the person who lost? Do you celebrate without making your
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Speaker 2: opponent smaller? What about when the ref gets something wrong?
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Speaker 2: Can you control yourself? What about when you don't make
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Speaker 2: the team? Can you keep working? What about when the
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Speaker 2: coach doesn't put you in? Can you listen and pay attention?
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Speaker 2: What about when you're the best? Can you still serve
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Speaker 2: the kid that never gets into the game? That's discipleship.
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Speaker 2: Not because there's a Bible verse painted on the locker
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Speaker 2: room wall, but because sport is exposing the heart. And
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Speaker 2: that's when parents have an opportunity to coach more than performance.
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Speaker 2: I have the joy of coaching my youngest son's soccer team.
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Speaker 2: And with first and second grade boys and girls, let
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Speaker 2: me tell you, sometimes it's not so much coaching as
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Speaker 2: it is herding cats. But the first semester I got
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Speaker 2: to coach, we were playing a game and we were
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Speaker 2: getting clobbered. Now, to be fair, we had a whole
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Speaker 2: team of first graders and most of them had never
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Speaker 2: played soccer before. So we had a lot of work
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Speaker 2: to do. Those first games were rough. But at one
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Speaker 2: point we were losing seven to one and my son
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Speaker 2: was in the game. and you could tell he had
17:48
Speaker 2: lost the spirit to play. He was jogging instead of running.
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Speaker 2: He was hanging back instead of being aggressive for the ball.
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Speaker 2: He was probably a little tired, but also had just
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Speaker 2: surrendered himself to the fact that they were going to lose.
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Speaker 2: I called him out and chewed him up and down. Son,
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Speaker 2: what's wrong with you? Get after the ball. Keep your
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Speaker 2: head up, and I know you can run faster than that.
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Speaker 2: Quit quitting and get to work. It wasn't terribly harsh,
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Speaker 2: but it was definitely firm, and it was enough that
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Speaker 2: there was a 180 in his behavior until the end
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Speaker 2: of the game. We still lost by five points. I
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Speaker 2: gathered the team around, and I called out something good
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Speaker 2: each of them did. And I said, look team, we
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Speaker 2: either win or we learn. Today we did some learning.
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Speaker 2: What's something you learned today? And out of the first
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Speaker 2: graders' mouths, all kinds of cool lessons came out. I
18:31
Speaker 2: told them they did a great job, that I wanted
18:33
Speaker 2: to see that kind of hustle in practice this week.
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Speaker 2: And we broke out with energy with our team name. One, two, three,
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Speaker 2: Sky Blue Dolphins! On the way to the car, I
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Speaker 2: knew my son needed a little extra. I got down
18:44
Speaker 2: on one knee and I looked him in the eye
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Speaker 2: and I said, son, do you know why I was
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Speaker 2: so hard on you today? He said, because I wasn't
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Speaker 2: playing very well and we lost. I said, no, dude,
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Speaker 2: I love watching you play. I think you're great. But
18:54
Speaker 2: I saw today that while you were losing, you stopped
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Speaker 2: giving me your best. I said, I don't care if
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Speaker 2: we win or lose the next 10 games. But I
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Speaker 2: do want you to get on that field and give
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Speaker 2: me your best every time. I know it's hard when
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Speaker 2: you're down by seven and you know that nothing you
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Speaker 2: can do is going to win the game. But sometimes
19:13
Speaker 2: that's not the point, man. The point is, until the
19:16
Speaker 2: game is over, you give me your best. And when
19:20
Speaker 2: you walk away from a game like that, even if
19:22
Speaker 2: you've given your best and lost, there's some lessons you
19:26
Speaker 2: can learn for sure. But you never want to look
19:28
Speaker 2: back at an effort like that and say, I didn't
19:31
Speaker 2: give my best effort that whole time. And in the
19:33
Speaker 2: same way, when we stand before God at the end
19:35
Speaker 2: of our life, I want you to be the kind
19:37
Speaker 2: of man who gets to say to God, I know
19:40
Speaker 2: I wasn't perfect. I know I had a lot to learn.
19:44
Speaker 2: I think sometimes Christian parents worry so much about making
19:49
Speaker 2: sure their kids know Scripture that we forget children also
19:52
Speaker 2: need to see what Scripture does to a person. Let
19:56
Speaker 2: them see you read your Bible. Yeah, sure. But let
19:58
Speaker 2: them see you change your mind because of it. Let
20:02
Speaker 2: them hear you pray. Let them hear you trust God
20:05
Speaker 2: when you're scared. Let them see you give. And let
20:09
Speaker 2: them see you serve when it's inconvenient. Let them see
20:13
Speaker 2: you forgive somebody that you'd rather stay angry at. Let
20:16
Speaker 2: them see you worship when it costs you something. Let
20:18
Speaker 2: them hear you talk about what God's teaching you right now.
20:21
Speaker 2: And let them see that Christianity is not merely something
20:23
Speaker 2: that adults tell kids to do. It's the life that
20:26
Speaker 2: we ourselves are trying to live. One of the worst
20:28
Speaker 2: things that we could teach our children right now is
20:31
Speaker 2: that faith is a children's activity. It's really easy to
20:34
Speaker 2: drop them off at children's church, send them to camp,
20:37
Speaker 2: put them in youth group, give them a devotional. All
20:39
Speaker 2: great things, but they need to see grown men and
20:43
Speaker 2: women who genuinely love God. Men who worship. Women who pray.
20:48
Speaker 2: Adults who open scripture because they need it. Adults who
20:52
Speaker 2: sacrifice because Christ is worthy. That's powerful. And just like
20:56
Speaker 2: we talked about in part one, about outsourcing movements to sports,
21:00
Speaker 2: I think Christian parents can accidentally outsource spiritual formation to
21:03
Speaker 2: the church. My kids go to church. Excellent. My kids
21:07
Speaker 2: are in youth group. Great. My kids go to camp.
21:11
Speaker 2: That's awesome. But as a children's ministry pastor, can I
21:13
Speaker 2: tell you that church is not a replacement for the
21:17
Speaker 2: discipleship of the home? We get your kids for a
21:21
Speaker 2: few hours tops, but you have life with them. They're
21:26
Speaker 2: watching you on Tuesday morning. They're watching you in traffic
21:29
Speaker 2: and at dinner and when you're tired. They're watching how
21:32
Speaker 2: you treat their mother. They're watching what you laugh at
21:36
Speaker 2: and what you spend your money on. They're watching how
21:39
Speaker 2: you respond to people that you disagree with. That's discipleship too.
21:44
Speaker 2: So please hear me. That doesn't mean that I want
21:46
Speaker 2: you to turn every meal into a Bible study. Please don't.
21:50
Speaker 2: Sometimes dinner can just be dinner and fishing can just
21:52
Speaker 2: be fishing and playing Minecraft can just be playing Minecraft.
21:56
Speaker 2: But if your faith is real to you, then Christ
21:59
Speaker 2: is showing up in your ordinary life. That's the beauty
22:02
Speaker 2: of it. And I want you to be vocal about
22:05
Speaker 2: sharing that with your kids. And so this may be
22:07
Speaker 2: the simplest way that I know how to summarize what
22:08
Speaker 2: we do at Faithful Fitness. Health is for love. Why
22:13
Speaker 2: do I want to be strong? So that I have
22:16
Speaker 2: a greater capacity to love. Why do I want energy?
22:20
Speaker 2: So I can love people well. Why do I want sleep?
22:24
Speaker 2: So I don't give my family the exhausted leftovers of myself.
22:29
Speaker 2: Why do I want to eat well? Well, it's difficult
22:31
Speaker 2: to give a love that you're not receiving. Eating well
22:33
Speaker 2: is a way that you can love yourself well and
22:35
Speaker 2: steward your body to be available for what God calls
22:38
Speaker 2: you to do. Why do I want to manage my
22:40
Speaker 2: stress so my anxiety doesn't own every room I walk into?
22:43
Speaker 2: Why do I want to bring healing to traumas in
22:45
Speaker 2: my past? Because that rotten fruit has no place in
22:48
Speaker 2: your walk with Christ. And why do I want my
22:50
Speaker 2: children to be healthy? Not so I can boast about
22:53
Speaker 2: how healthy my kids are, but so that they have capacity.
22:58
Speaker 2: Capacity to serve, to work, to worship, to adventure, to endure,
23:03
Speaker 2: and ultimately to give themselves away. That's what this is for.
23:06
Speaker 2: And in our world today, I think it's really important
23:08
Speaker 2: that this is said. Our example isn't a fitness influencer.
23:12
Speaker 2: It's Jesus. Jesus used his body. He walked. He worked.
23:19
Speaker 2: He fasted. He ate. He rested. He withdrew. He served.
23:24
Speaker 2: He touched people no one else wanted to touch. He
23:28
Speaker 2: washed feet. He carried a cross. Ultimately, our Savior offered
23:34
Speaker 2: his body. Think about that. Christianity doesn't culminate in a
23:39
Speaker 2: perfectly preserved body. It culminates in a body given in love.
23:45
Speaker 2: Jesus says, in effect, this is my body given for you.
23:49
Speaker 2: That's the picture. We take care of our bodies not
23:52
Speaker 2: because preservation is the highest good. We take care of
23:56
Speaker 2: them because they're instruments. through which we obey God and
24:00
Speaker 2: love people. And when obedience costs us something, we don't say, well,
24:05
Speaker 2: I can't do that because comfort is my highest priority.
24:10
Speaker 2: Jesus didn't. And that's where physical stewardship and spiritual fitness
24:14
Speaker 2: finally meet. And that brings me to one of the
24:17
Speaker 2: hardest truths about parenting. Your child doesn't ultimately belong to you.
24:24
Speaker 2: God entrusted them to you, but they are his. And
24:28
Speaker 2: if we're honest, sometimes we parent as though our goal
24:31
Speaker 2: is to control the outcome. I want them safe. I
24:34
Speaker 2: want them healthy. I want them successful. I want them
24:38
Speaker 2: financially secure. I want them to make wise choices. I
24:42
Speaker 2: want them to marry the right person. I want them
24:45
Speaker 2: to avoid pain. I want them to follow Jesus. These
24:48
Speaker 2: are good desires. But eventually we have to release them.
24:53
Speaker 2: And that's terrifying. Because you can train. You can teach,
24:57
Speaker 2: you can model, you can correct, you can pray, you
24:59
Speaker 2: can love. But eventually, your child stands before God as
25:03
Speaker 2: their own person. You can't believe for them. You can't
25:09
Speaker 2: obey for them. You can't endure the trials of their
25:13
Speaker 2: life for them. You can't protect them from every consequence.
25:20
Speaker 2: And that's where parenting becomes an act of faith. My
25:23
Speaker 2: oldest started middle school this year. And as a result,
25:25
Speaker 2: drop off for schools gets a little more intense because
25:28
Speaker 2: I got to get two boys to two different schools.
25:30
Speaker 2: He's a pretty responsible 11 year old. And so on
25:32
Speaker 2: the way to school, I said, hey, man, I'm not
25:34
Speaker 2: going to drive you all the way up to the
25:35
Speaker 2: school door. There's a spot at this intersection coming up
25:38
Speaker 2: where it's sidewalk all the way to your school. I'm
25:40
Speaker 2: going to drop you off so you can walk. Then
25:42
Speaker 2: I can get your brother to school on time. He
25:44
Speaker 2: looked at me with stunned surprise. What I saw as
25:47
Speaker 2: a choice for expediency is something he saw as trusting
25:50
Speaker 2: him with the keys to the kingdom. You mean I
25:52
Speaker 2: get to walk to school? And I was like, yeah.
25:55
Speaker 2: I trust you. Don't do anything crazy and watch out
25:57
Speaker 2: for cars. I'll see you after school. And as I
26:00
Speaker 2: drove away, I remembered the small moments in my young manhood.
26:05
Speaker 2: Little pockets of freedom where I understood it was just
26:08
Speaker 2: me and God. Nobody micromanaging, nobody controlling. A brief flash
26:12
Speaker 2: of trust and responsibility to do the right thing. And
26:17
Speaker 2: I would also be lying if there wasn't a very
26:19
Speaker 2: small amount of fear in me, knowing that we haven't
26:21
Speaker 2: given our child a phone yet. And I would get
26:23
Speaker 2: no assurance until the end of the school day that
26:26
Speaker 2: he actually ended up where he was supposed to be.
26:28
Speaker 2: And almost reflexively, I prayed a prayer. Small in words,
26:33
Speaker 2: but big in impact. God be close to him. Help
26:35
Speaker 2: him to grow into the man you made him to be.
26:37
Speaker 2: And later I started wondering if this whole smartphone thing
26:40
Speaker 2: when kids are young has more to do with our
26:42
Speaker 2: insecurity in trusting God with our kids than it does culture,
26:45
Speaker 2: peer pressure, or efficiency. But that might be a topic
26:48
Speaker 2: for another day. This may or may not sound obvious
26:50
Speaker 2: to you, but stay with me. We are not ultimately
26:54
Speaker 2: raising our children. We're raising adults. Children are the temporary form.
27:01
Speaker 2: If God gives us the privilege, we're raising future husbands,
27:05
Speaker 2: future wives, future fathers, future mothers, future neighbors, future church
27:11
Speaker 2: members and leaders, future employees and employers, future friends, servants,
27:18
Speaker 2: future old wise men and women. And someday, if the
27:23
Speaker 2: Lord tarries, our children may be sitting across the table
27:27
Speaker 2: from our grandchildren, teaching them what life is all about.
27:32
Speaker 2: That's the horizon. So when I tell my son he's
27:35
Speaker 2: not quite ready for a phone yet, I'm not merely
27:37
Speaker 2: trying to be countercultural. I'm helping form a man who
27:40
Speaker 2: can be present with his wife someday. When I tell
27:42
Speaker 2: him it's time to follow through on a commitment he made,
27:45
Speaker 2: I'm helping form a man whose word means something. When
27:47
Speaker 2: I teach him to care for his body, I'm helping
27:50
Speaker 2: form a man who can carry responsibility. When I make
27:53
Speaker 2: him apologize to his little brother, I'm helping form a
27:56
Speaker 2: man who knows how to repair relationships. When I teach
27:59
Speaker 2: him to pray, I'm helping form a man who knows
28:02
Speaker 2: where to go when dad isn't around anymore. That changes
28:07
Speaker 2: parenting for me. So let me ask you the final
28:10
Speaker 2: version of the question we've been asking through this whole series.
28:14
Speaker 2: If your children became like you, would you be happy
28:18
Speaker 2: for them? Not physically, not professionally, not financially. I mean,
28:24
Speaker 2: if they loved God like you love God, would you
28:27
Speaker 2: be happy for them?
28:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope
28:51
Speaker 2: my son lives like this. Or yeah, I hope my
28:55
Speaker 2: daughter becomes this kind of person. I know it's a
28:57
Speaker 2: heavy question. I don't want it to be condemnation in
29:00
Speaker 2: your life. But I do want it to become direction.
29:05
Speaker 2: Because none of us is finished. Your kids don't need
29:08
Speaker 2: a perfect parent. They need a parent who's being transformed.
29:13
Speaker 2: They need to see somebody following Jesus. Sometimes clumsily. Sometimes
29:18
Speaker 2: taking three steps forward and one step back. Sometimes picking
29:21
Speaker 2: yourself up off the ground after running smack into a
29:24
Speaker 2: brick wall. But definitely moving, repenting, growing, returning to Christ.
29:31
Speaker 2: That's a powerful model of leadership. Now, if this series
29:34
Speaker 2: has made you feel like you now need to overhaul
29:36
Speaker 2: your entire household, please don't. That's not the point. Don't
29:40
Speaker 2: leave here and announce a family summit where you unveil
29:43
Speaker 2: 17 new health rules on a laminated household covenant. Your
29:46
Speaker 2: kids will love that, right? Start with one thing. Maybe
29:51
Speaker 2: your family needs more movement. Start there. Maybe food's become chaotic.
29:57
Speaker 2: You can start there. Maybe you're all exhausted. Let's start there.
30:02
Speaker 2: Maybe mom and dad's phone needs to go down. Start there.
30:07
Speaker 2: Maybe you realize your kids see you doing a lot
30:10
Speaker 2: for God, but not much. Maybe you realize your kids
30:14
Speaker 2: are seeing you do a lot for God, but not
30:17
Speaker 2: spending much time with God. Start there. Maybe you just
30:20
Speaker 2: need to apologize. You can start there. Maybe you just
30:23
Speaker 2: need to start praying with your child tonight. You can
30:27
Speaker 2: start there too. Faithfulness usually looks less dramatic than we imagine.
30:32
Speaker 2: It's a thousand small decisions made in one same direction.
30:36
Speaker 2: So for the final challenge of this series, I want
30:40
Speaker 2: you to do something simple. Ask each person in your
30:43
Speaker 2: household one question. What do you think our family's about?
30:46
Speaker 2: Don't correct them. Don't coach the answer. Just listen. If
30:50
Speaker 2: they're little, simplify it. What do you think is really
30:53
Speaker 2: important in our family? Listen to what they say. Sports, church,
30:59
Speaker 2: being together, working hard. Jesus? Having fun, school, helping people, winning,
31:05
Speaker 2: being busy? I don't want you to panic about the answer.
31:09
Speaker 2: You're just gathering information. And then ask yourself privately, is
31:15
Speaker 2: this what I hope they're learning? And choose one thing
31:19
Speaker 2: that you want to model more clearly. That's your challenge.
31:22
Speaker 2: And if this series has exposed something for you, and
31:25
Speaker 2: I hope it has, I want to encourage you to
31:28
Speaker 2: do what we've talked about from the beginning. Start with you.
31:32
Speaker 2: Not shame. Awareness. Not trying to fix your spouse or
31:36
Speaker 2: fix your kids. Start with your own stewardship. That's why
31:41
Speaker 2: I created the Faithful Fitness Health and Habits Dashboard. It
31:45
Speaker 2: helps you step back and look at the whole picture. Exercise, nutrition, recovery, habits, stress, motivation, faith.
31:54
Speaker 2: The places you're strong and the places you're drifting. And
31:57
Speaker 2: the places where you might need to make a change.
31:59
Speaker 2: Because health is not simply about how much you can lift.
32:03
Speaker 2: how far you can run, what you weigh, or how
32:05
Speaker 2: you look in the mirror. It's about what kind of
32:08
Speaker 2: steward you're becoming. You can get started at faithfulfitness.co slash assessment.
32:16
Speaker 2: And after you've completed the health and habits dashboard, you'll
32:18
Speaker 2: have an opportunity to register for the next live Faithful
32:22
Speaker 2: Fitness Seminar. My wife Kristen's joining me. She's a registered dietitian,
32:27
Speaker 2: she's a wife, and she's a mom, and she's living
32:29
Speaker 2: all these questions right alongside me. And like I said
32:32
Speaker 2: in the last episode, we don't always agree. So it's
32:35
Speaker 2: probably going to be fun. We're going to talk about
32:37
Speaker 2: what it looks like in a real household. Movement, food, schedule, screen, stress, faith,
32:42
Speaker 2: different personalities, different needs, and different seasons. And we're going
32:46
Speaker 2: to answer your questions too. So go to faithfulfitness.co slash assessment.
32:52
Speaker 2: Complete your Faithful Fitness health and habits dashboard and register
32:56
Speaker 2: for the seminar. I can't wait for you to join us.
32:59
Speaker 2: Now as we close out this Faithful Family series, I
33:02
Speaker 2: want to leave you with this. Don't just raise kids
33:05
Speaker 2: who know how to exercise. Teach them what strength is for.
33:10
Speaker 2: Don't just raise kids who know how to eat healthy.
33:13
Speaker 2: Teach them gratitude and wisdom. Don't just teach them to
33:18
Speaker 2: work hard. Teach them how to rest and trust God.
33:22
Speaker 2: Don't just teach them Bible verses. Show them what a
33:25
Speaker 2: life shaped by those verses looks like. Don't just teach
33:29
Speaker 2: them how to succeed Teach them how to serve. Don't
33:34
Speaker 2: just teach them how to win. Teach them how to
33:36
Speaker 2: lose with character. Don't just tell them to follow Jesus.
33:41
Speaker 2: Let them watch you follow him too. Because someday they're
33:45
Speaker 2: going to leave your house. When they do, they're not
33:49
Speaker 2: going to carry every rule you gave them. They're not
33:52
Speaker 2: going to remember every lecture. They're probably not even going
33:55
Speaker 2: to remember most of your best parenting moments. But they
33:59
Speaker 2: will carry a picture. Of what adulthood looked like in
34:02
Speaker 2: your home. They'll remember what dad cared about. They'll remember
34:07
Speaker 2: what mom prioritized. They'll remember whether the house felt peaceful
34:11
Speaker 2: or frantic. They'll remember whether faith felt real. They'll remember
34:17
Speaker 2: how you treated them when they failed. They'll remember whether
34:22
Speaker 2: you could say you were sorry or not. They'll remember
34:26
Speaker 2: where you showed up. And Lord willing, somewhere along the way,
34:31
Speaker 2: They'll understand this. My body is a gift. My strength
34:36
Speaker 2: is a gift. My time is a gift. My life
34:41
Speaker 2: is a gift. And gifts from God are meant to
34:44
Speaker 2: be given back to God. That's faithful fitness. It's not
34:49
Speaker 2: building a body so that we can worship ourselves. It's
34:52
Speaker 2: building capacity so we can better love God and love people.
34:56
Speaker 2: It's not raising perfectly healthy kids. It's raising men and
34:59
Speaker 2: women who understand who they belong to. what their lives
35:02
Speaker 2: are for. Let me pray over you and your family. Father,
35:05
Speaker 2: thank you for the person listening to this right now.
35:07
Speaker 2: Thank you for those that you've entrusted to their influence,
35:11
Speaker 2: whether it's children or grandchildren, nieces and nephews, students or athletes,
35:18
Speaker 2: or any young people. Give them wisdom. Help them not
35:21
Speaker 2: to confuse success with faithfulness. Help us as a church
35:25
Speaker 2: not to worship health or achievement sports or productivity and
35:30
Speaker 2: definitely not comfort. Teach us to put every good gift
35:33
Speaker 2: in its proper place. Make us strong enough to serve,
35:37
Speaker 2: wise enough to rest, disciplined enough to obey you, humble
35:41
Speaker 2: enough to repent, and make us faithful enough to keep
35:44
Speaker 2: following you, especially when our children are watching and when
35:48
Speaker 2: nobody's watching. Lord, help us model a life worth following.
35:51
Speaker 2: And where we fall short, Let our children see us
35:55
Speaker 2: run quickly back to Jesus. Give our kids strong bodies
35:58
Speaker 2: and wise minds and resilient spirits. But above all, Lord,
36:03
Speaker 2: give them hearts to know you, hearts to love you,
36:08
Speaker 2: and hearts to understand that every part of their life
36:10
Speaker 2: belongs to you. May our homes be places of strength
36:13
Speaker 2: and peace. May they be filled with laughter and discipline.
36:16
Speaker 2: May they have grace and truth. May our bodies be stewarded.
36:21
Speaker 2: May people be loved. May Christ be Lord in our house.
36:25
Speaker 2: We love you. I lift these families to you in
36:29
Speaker 2: Jesus' name. Amen. All right. Thank you so much for
36:33
Speaker 2: walking through this Faithful Family series with me. This has
36:36
Speaker 2: been Coach Alex Van Houten on the Faithful Fitness Podcast.
36:40
Speaker 2: Until next time, train hard, but pray even harder. What's up, Faithful?
36:47
Speaker 1: This episode helped you. Share it with someone who needs
36:50
Speaker 1: to hear it. And don't forget to subscribe and leave
36:53
Speaker 1: a review so more people can find Faithful Fitness. My
36:58
Speaker 1: dad's devotional, Faithful Fitness, is available now. And you can
37:03
Speaker 1: join our Faithful Fitness community by clicking the links in
37:08
Speaker 1: the show notes. We all have a cross to carry,
37:11
Speaker 1: but it's lighter when we do it together. See you later, alligator.
37:16
Speaker 1: But until then, train hard and pray even harder.