Latest / Yes And Land / Frozen and the Power of Embracing What Makes You Different | with Stephanie Dowland

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Frozen and the Power of Embracing What Makes You Different | with Stephanie Dowland · Yes And Land

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Well, I was born six years later, and I was born
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with a birth defect. So I have three fully formed
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fingers, my thumbs and one pinky. When I saw
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Frozen, it was from a very different lens than
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probably most people. Sure. And Elsa's motto,
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right? Conceal. Don't feel. Don't let them in.
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Don't let them know. Without putting words to
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it, that's how I grew up. That was my inner voice.
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He says, you didn't know this? And she goes,
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well, she always wore gloves, but I just thought
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she had a thing about dirt. That's what she says
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to him. I just thought she had a thing about
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dirt. And I'm like, doesn't that tell you that
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people aren't thinking about you as much as you
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think they are? And yet we spend so much time
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thinking about other people that that's kind
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of the problem. And I reached my hand out to
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say, okay, let's go. And the little girl in the
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front went, ew. And she pulled back when she
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saw my hand and she wouldn't hold my hand. And
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it was like I was a five -year -old on the playground
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again. All of those feelings of you are. You're
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not good enough. Nobody wants to be around you.
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We may not get to pick the challenges, the trials,
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the struggles, the deformities. We get some of
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that. Some of that is just what we're dealt,
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right? But we get to pick who we become. Welcome
1:11
to Yes And Land, where we say yes to the reality
1:14
of yesterday and today. And we say and to the
1:18
possibility, growth, and imagination of tomorrow.
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Well, welcome, everybody, to another episode
1:31
of Yes and Land. We are very excited for our
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guest today, just a wonderful human being with
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really a very inspiring story of her life and
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some trials that she's gone through, some strength
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that she's shown and inspired just tons of other
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people, and specifically, I would say, especially
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girls and women. dedicated a lot of time, additional
1:56
time on her own to speaking engagements and presentations
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to help inspire people to step into their own,
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to embrace what makes them different. And so
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very excited about that conversation today. And
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we're going to take a look at that topic through
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the lens of a wonderful Disney movie, Frozen,
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right? Everybody loves Frozen. So excited. So
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welcome, Stephanie, to the program. Thank you.
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Thanks for having me. So as we kind of dive into
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kind of where we're at here, so kind of set the
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stage for us for kind of what you've experienced
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in your life and take us back to young Stephanie,
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where was it, New Jersey? Yes. That you grew
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up in New Jersey. And maybe explain a little
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bit about what made you different and what that
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was kind of like when you were... younger and
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started to realize that maybe you were a little
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bit different yeah yeah yeah so um i grew up
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in yeah south jersey south jersey south jersey
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it's very different than north jersey so i feel
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like i have to make that distinction is that
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what's the what's the difference between the
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garden state right it's that that's south jersey
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north jersey is very new york new york is very
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like an extension almost of new york so it's
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just an industrial vibe versus the the farmland
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so it was very farmlandy okay side of jersey
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so important to get good definitely important
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to understand you know what the difference was
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yeah yeah yeah so i grew up out there in a in
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a big um family and i am i like to say i'm the
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jan brady i'm the i'm right in the middle of
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eight kids eight so i had this dynamic and i
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say that only because it it kind of lays a little
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bit of this um groundwork but my yeah i'm number
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five out of eight um my older brother just above
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me number four out of eight came with um a really
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significant physical problem. He was born with
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cerebral palsy. So he is he was born two and
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a half months early and has always struggled
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with a lot physically. Right. He's incredible.
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He's an incredible human who has not acknowledged
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in any way, shape or form that he has this problem.
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Right. And he has just killed it. So I grew up
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with this incredible role model of. I can do
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hard things, right? And I watched him do really
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hard things. Well, I was born six years later,
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and I was born with a birth defect as well. And
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we can get into the whole wording of birth defect.
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I have a whole thought on that too. That's why
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I actually didn't want to use it because I wasn't
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sure what wording to use for that. Isn't it funny?
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And it's what it is by definition, but it has
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this negative connotation to it. So that's actually
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something I've had to work through. But I was
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born with a birth defect only on my fingers,
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so my hands. So I have three fully formed fingers,
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my thumbs and one pinky. So superhuman pinky.
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I can take you down with this pinky if I need
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to. My kids know it. But the rest, so my left
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hand, I have like nub. fingers i guess you would
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say to describe it and then on my right hand
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my middle three fingers were webbed together
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completely and so when i was five i went through
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a surgery where they separated those they waited
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till the bones were like strong enough to be
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able to um move on their own and be independent
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from one another so i went through that they
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grafted skin in between and i started from a
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really young age just learning how to do me right
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um so And honestly, if it's okay, I'll dive in
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like right out of the gate with Elsa. When I
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saw Frozen, it was from a very different lens
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than probably most people. Sure. Because I connected
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things that really resonated with me individually
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and my story. But I love that like Elsa, the
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opening scene, right? She's using this magical
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ability to create joy and fun with her sister.
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She has no inhibition. She is playing, right?
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And having the best time with what she can do.
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with her defect right absolutely and she didn't
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know that it was something to be afraid of she
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didn't know it was something that people would
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be afraid of or that it would be not socially
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accepted or and i didn't know that either um
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it wasn't until i got into school kindergarten
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first grade second grade that i had kids make
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fun of me you know and they're kids nothing was
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really mean spirited but it's impactful at the
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same time it can be brutal So much so. And more
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than that, it's not like I was raised with a
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bunch of nasty bullies or anything, but even
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the looks you get, the ew comments, you know,
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things like that. People don't want to accept
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different sometimes. They're afraid of it. So
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it resonated. And I think the whole narrative
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of watching her put gloves on her hands to hide
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this thing is, I mean, talk about an actual like.
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apples to apples for me um i grew up hiding my
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hands and pretending like i didn't have this
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problem if i didn't if i didn't see it it wasn't
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there right and and elsa's motto right conceal
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don't feel don't let them in don't let them know
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um i without putting words to it that's that's
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how i grew up that was my inner voice yeah um
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so did you wear gloves a lot to try to so i didn't
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Because you don't walk around with gloves, right?
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But I will tell you that in wintertime, I loved
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wearing gloves because what I would do is I would
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get, functionally, mittens were better. I'll
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just be honest. If I needed to function, mittens
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were best, right? But if I could put small gloves
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on, I would take cotton balls and I would stuff
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the fingers of the gloves with cotton balls.
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And then I would wear them. And I felt like I
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was more beautiful. I felt like I was more normal.
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I would get to pretend like I had long fingers
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and that I was the same as everybody else. So
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those are things that I never talked to anybody
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about. No one ever, I don't know if people, like,
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I don't, I don't, people don't notice as much
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as we think. I mean, there's a moral to the story
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right there that people don't think about us
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as much as we think that they're thinking about
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us. But I didn't know that. Sure. I didn't know
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that. The gloves and Elsa's whole approach to
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handling her defect just resonated with me. And
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watching her figure herself out and figure out
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how to navigate this defect for good is something
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I've done. And not calculated or intentionally,
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but just developmentally. When I look back, I
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can see. You know, I have a million stories and
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things that have created and shaped me and my
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perspective. But yeah, Elsa is just she's she's
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me in some ways. Right. And so as we as we kind
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of take a look at what her journey was. Right.
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I mean, like you said, you identified she's having
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fun at first on her plan. She's making a snowman.
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She's doing all these fun things. But then because
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she didn't fully. understand or appreciate what
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what that power was or how to control it then
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something bad happens right and because that
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happens and suddenly like you said like concealed
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don't feel don't let it show um and then we have
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this just like it's such a good song and yet
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it's so brutal right do you want to build a snowman
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yeah you know and it's it's interesting you know
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elsa and and with her parents decide that she
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needs to not be around on at all right and then
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she sings this just like sweet song anna does
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where she's just so desperate to be around elsa
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and i mean i i wrote down some of the uh some
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of the words from it because it's just like um
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in the song and anybody's watching this probably
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knows the song because it's such a famous one
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but um in there anna says we used to be best
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buddies and now we're not i wish you would tell
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me why do you want to build a snowman it doesn't
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have to be a snowman go away anna okay bye So
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I think it's an interesting thing to look at.
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In your life, did you ever have times where you
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shut other people out because you were afraid
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of what it meant to be different? Absolutely.
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Absolutely, I did. I would recluse sometimes.
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And again, not intentionally, but looking backwards,
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you can see those periods of life where you didn't
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put yourself out there. So I don't I don't know
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that I necessarily shut people out where I didn't
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accept them. I didn't put myself out there to
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be loved. Yeah. I didn't put myself out there
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to be accepted because I just assumed I wouldn't
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be. Yeah. Right. And I thought a lot about like
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the parents approach because right. Life experience
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is what taught Elsa. Yeah. This is not OK. And
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life experience in a different way is what taught
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me. You're different. Hide it. Don't don't let
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people see. And then you don't have to worry
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about. You don't have to worry about explaining
10:52
yourself or that you're different. But that was
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my inner voice. I actually had great parents
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that taught me that you can do whatever. Well,
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we'll figure it out. Everything's figureoutable.
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And you will have limitations. I think it's important
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to note that we sometimes say this narrative
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that you can do anything you want if you put
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your mind to it. Or if you work hard enough,
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you can. That's actually not true, right? There
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are limitations. It's okay to say. There are
11:19
certain things I won't be able to do. But I can
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figure out most things. And I can figure a workaround
11:24
for most things. So they weren't the problem.
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And no one around me actually said anything to
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create that. It was that inner voice that told
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me, no one's going to accept you. So, yeah, I
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did. I think I removed myself from things and
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didn't put myself out there. And one of the things
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that I know about you is that you play the piano.
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I do. Walk me through what that looked like for
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you to make the decision that's something you
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wanted to do. Because I think some people might
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have been like, hey, let's try something else.
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Yeah. Like maybe that's not the thing. Yeah,
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yeah. And for some reason you decided, no, I
12:03
want to do that. So what did that look like?
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What inspired you to be like, no, this is the
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thing? So I often say, I think I came with that
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from heaven. My parents tell stories of me as
12:11
a toddler, not even being able to speak, getting
12:14
up on the piano and just pounding on those keys
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for. A long time. And then saying, I subbed that
12:20
song. So I just was drawn to the piano from before
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I can remember. So I do think it was something
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inherent. Music, anyway, has something that's
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inherent for me. I grew up watching my older
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sister play the piano. I idolized my older sister,
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Elsa Anna. She would play the piano. on Sunday
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afternoons, and I would get a blanket and a pillow
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and lay at the base of the piano on the floor
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and just listen to her play. I loved it. So I
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wanted to be like her, I think was the initial
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reason that I said I want to do this. But I always
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loved music and was drawn to the piano specifically.
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And so I was probably about 11 or 12 when I went
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to my mom and said, I want to take piano lessons.
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And kudos to her, right? Because at the time,
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I didn't think anything of it. But now as a mom,
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That could have gone seven different ways, right?
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And she found me an amazing piano teacher that
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she said, I know this woman. She's going to teach
13:15
you in a way that works for you. She basically
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took me on day one and she said, let her figure
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out what she can do. Just let her go, right?
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And so the sweet piano teacher who will always
13:27
have a special place in my heart sat me down
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and said, can you hit an octave with both hands?
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If you can hit an octave, we've got this. And
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I can. Barely. My right hand, it's a little tricky.
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So you'll sometimes hear wrong notes if I have
13:41
to do something big with octaves. But I could
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do it. And so she didn't focus on fingering and
13:46
where to, you know, traditional where to put
13:48
what note gets hit with what finger. She just
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let me figure it out. She taught me the notes,
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taught me to read. And I only took lessons for
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a few years before we moved from New Jersey to
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Utah. And by the time we moved from Utah, so
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again, like 12 -ish. And then I moved to Utah
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at 16, and I was accompanying the a cappella
14:11
choir at Bingham High School. Wow. So I dove
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into it. When I tell you I spent a lot of time
14:17
at the piano, I loved it. Did you have to learn
14:19
how to play it, like, substantially differently
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because of that? Like, you know, I hear about
14:25
things, and I don't know a ton about playing
14:27
the piano, but a Suzuki method is one method
14:30
where you hear something, right, and you learn
14:32
what it sounds like so you can do it. Did you
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have to learn what things sounded like to be
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able to make adjustments so that you could play
14:38
things the way that you could? You didn't have
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to make adjustments at all. You could just do
14:42
it exactly the way it needed to be. No. I mean,
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I have a sister -in -law who plays the Suzuki
14:46
method, and I am so envious. That is like real
14:49
deal piano player. I sometimes say I'm a fake
14:51
piano player. I did not learn the theory. I just
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learned how to play. So I don't play by ear.
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I am very much I need the notes in front of me
14:59
to be able to read it. But I just learned how
15:02
to play it. So I can't speak to a lot of the
15:05
theory like you would imagine I could. In fact,
15:07
I took AP Music my senior year. I dropped the
15:10
class because I was like, I can't do this. Even
15:12
though I can play, that was kind of where my
15:15
interest stopped. So I didn't learn any specific
15:18
method. I kind of learned my own method, I guess,
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right? Yeah, absolutely. And embraced it. And
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obviously did very well in it. I mean, if you're
15:24
accompanying the choir there for it, you can't
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do that if you don't have some skills. Yeah,
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I did pretty well. Yeah, you did pretty well.
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That's pretty impressive. Okay, so I want to
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read this quote to you from somebody that I just
15:38
think. is is terrific and a terrific example
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of some of these things we're talking about do
15:42
you know jamie kern lima no so she was the founder
15:45
of it cosmetics okay and basically i mean kind
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of the overarching story i guess of her was that
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she had decided that she wanted to create cosmetics
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in a different way that would be not for the
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traditional like has to be for the magazine person
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cosmetics right that always has to the person
16:05
has to look this way with this particular skin
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type and with a certain level of skinniness and
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she was like no like i have some skin conditions
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and um i'm a little bit bigger and i want to
16:16
have cosmetics that appeal more to that and she
16:19
started out of her garage started selling on
16:21
qbc built this this brand up to being just huge
16:25
and then i believe they ultimately sold to I
16:29
think it's L 'Oreal, but so she, she's amazing.
16:31
Like she's got an incredible story and incredible
16:33
book. And she, she said this, she said, hiding
16:36
your uniqueness might feel safe, but you won't
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ever be able to impact and serve the world the
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way you're created to like, isn't that so good?
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Give me your take on that. Well, now tears are
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going to come. And I didn't think that would,
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um, no, that resonates. That's big. That hits
16:54
the, um, the driving, you know, what drives you
16:56
to do what you do. That hits that for me. Impacting
17:01
the people around you and making their lives
17:04
better because you're in it is a big deal for
17:06
me. And so that resonates big time. I love that.
17:11
And you being able to embrace that you are unique.
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Oh, absolutely. And whatever the official terminology
17:18
is for your fingers, I mean, it's, I think, unique.
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I think that's a better way. It's unique. It's
17:24
unique, and we all have it. When I speak, like
17:27
you mentioned before, I speak to different youth
17:29
groups whenever I can or groups of women. I've
17:32
even spoken to groups of young men. It's a message
17:37
that resonates and is applicable to anyone. We
17:41
all have the things that we're hiding with gloves,
17:43
right? We all have things we're putting gloves
17:46
on for, and when you can figure out how to use
17:50
those things to, Make yourself stand out, not
17:55
for the attention of it and look at me, right?
17:58
Your why, when your why is not about yourself,
18:01
but about other people, you connect with people
18:04
on that uniqueness. And it's an immediate vulnerability
18:06
where you become safe. You become a safe place
18:10
for people because you get it, right? And every
18:14
one of us has something. Yeah. So you bring up
18:18
the why. Yeah. Are you... Are you familiar with
18:21
Simon Sinek and the why? So I was not until our
18:24
conversation, but I did get the book. It's on
18:26
my nightstand. I'm going to start it next. So
18:28
that's where we did talk about that. I mean,
18:31
and you're just hitting it, the nail on the head
18:33
with a why. And that's something that Simon talked
18:36
a lot about, which is a why is always outward
18:39
facing. It's about the impact that you're going
18:43
to have on others, right? And that's what drives
18:48
us to do something. greater beyond ourselves.
18:52
Because ultimately, I mean, we don't live on
18:55
this earth alone. We're not solo creatures. We're
18:58
social creatures. We're meant to be around other
19:00
people. Can I share a quote with you? Please.
19:02
Okay. Yes. I brought a quote because I'm like,
19:05
when you kind of mentioned the why, right? I
19:08
have a quote that is so meaningful to me. Pope
19:11
Francis said this, so I don't even know when.
19:13
It couldn't have been too long ago, right? But
19:15
he said, rivers do not drink their own water.
19:18
Trees do not eat their own fruit. The sun does
19:21
not shine on itself and flowers do not spread
19:23
their fragrance for themselves. Living for others
19:26
is a rule of nature. We are all born to help
19:29
each other. No matter how difficult it is, life
19:32
is good when you are happy, but much better when
19:34
others are happy because of you. So good. And
19:38
that is like. When I tell you the experience
19:44
I've been through, and I go back and I look at
19:46
Elsa, this is another comparable, I feel like
19:50
there is such an issue when you start. The words
19:54
of the song, okay, I'm spiraling here. The words
19:56
in her song say conceal, don't feel, don't let
19:58
them in. Be the good girl you're supposed to
20:01
be is in the lyrics of that song. So I did that.
20:05
I performed. I was. I did everything I could
20:11
to the best of my ability and without meaning
20:13
to created a full life of other issues, right?
20:17
Of perfectionism and of comparing and the ugly
20:21
side of that. And so as an adult, I had to unpack
20:24
that. And I still struggle, right? This is stuff
20:26
so many people struggle with. But me addressing
20:30
this issue, right, or navigating it created another
20:35
one for me. And Elsa has the same. issue right
20:38
and I have had so many people not ill -intended
20:43
but over time tell me you know oh you're just
20:47
you care too much about what people think or
20:48
you're a perfectionist or you're trying to be
20:50
too perfect and and that has never felt like
20:55
true to me and yet I see it so I have struggled
20:59
and and I have I've worked with with in therapy
21:02
and and I've come to realize um there's a fine
21:06
line between perfectionism and then living to
21:11
serve and show up for other people, right? And
21:13
it comes down to that why. And I don't know what
21:16
Simon Sinek, how he approaches that. And if I'm
21:18
going into his narrative there, but that is what
21:23
I have determined is it depends on what's your
21:25
motivation, right? And the motivation for me
21:28
is not about me. It's about this. It's about...
21:32
showing up and impacting other people's lives
21:35
for good. And so I have found more confidence.
21:38
Instead of trying to overcome this, do I have
21:41
perfectionism? I've learned, no, I just want
21:43
to live a life that impacts others for good.
21:47
That's my why. And so I've settled into myself
21:49
again, you know, and feel confident in why I
21:52
do what I do. But that's not intuitive for others
21:57
sometimes if you don't resonate with that. Let's
22:00
try and experiment. Yeah. Okay. Ready for this?
22:02
I don't know, but let's do it. So I'm going to
22:05
ask you about two different things. Okay. And
22:08
I'll explain as we go. Okay. And then we'll see.
22:11
We'll see where it takes us. Okay. What is your
22:15
happiest childhood memory? And like a very specific
22:18
memory. So not a generic one, not like I loved
22:21
it when we would go to the park or something
22:23
like a very specific childhood memory that you
22:26
can relive with me right now. What's your happiest
22:29
childhood memory? I'm sure I have others, but
22:32
the very first thing that just came to mind is
22:34
what you're going to get. I loved whatever time
22:38
of year strawberries come into season. Is that
22:40
like May, April, May? I don't know. My mom would
22:42
check me out of school. She'd let me come stay
22:45
home from school and we would go pick strawberries
22:47
out of a field, come home, cut them, wash them
22:50
and make strawberry jam. And I would miss school
22:53
for that. And it was kind of this when a family
22:55
of eight. You don't get a lot of one -on -one
22:57
time with a parent. And I had some really cool
22:59
experiences with my mom doing things like that.
23:01
And so I picture myself in the backyard with
23:05
bushels of berries coming in the door and working
23:08
with my mom to make jam. Okay, amazing. And the
23:12
first thing that came to your mind is exactly
23:14
what we're going for. So that's exactly the right
23:15
thing. In your professional career, when did
23:20
you feel a specific occasion? When did you feel
23:24
the most proud? of the work that you were doing,
23:27
a specific day or a specific project or thing
23:32
that you worked on. At any of the jobs you had,
23:36
because you had a 20 -year career at Southwest.
23:37
Yes. You were the COO of Betty's. Not COO. I
23:43
worked with the COO. You worked with the COO
23:44
of Betty's, and now you're moving into a new
23:47
position with a new organization. But you've
23:50
done some great things, and you've worked in
23:52
some great organizations, right? Southwest is
23:54
notoriously a great organization for employees.
23:58
And so during all those different times in your
24:00
professional career, when were you the most proud
24:02
of what you did? I'm trying to think of a specific
24:04
to give you. What I can tell you, there are a
24:08
lot of different small situations where I came
24:10
out feeling like people felt safe with me, which
24:18
impacted the business for good, whatever the
24:20
project was. Give us one. I was able to connect
24:23
with somebody. Gosh, I'm trying to think of something
24:27
that doesn't give somebody's personal information
24:29
away. Sure. Everything I can think of is about
24:32
an individual employee having a struggle, not
24:36
even about a work project. I'm thinking about
24:38
the people. I'm thinking about a situation where
24:40
I had someone who was going through the loss
24:45
of a spouse and navigating big, big, big things
24:50
while still working. And so the project we were
24:53
working on was still happening. She was killing
24:56
it. Incredible, right? And so, but that wasn't
24:59
the focus of our conversations. Focus of our
25:02
conversations was her. And how do we support
25:04
you? And what do you need? And because that's
25:06
how I approached that as a leader, I watched
25:09
her shine professionally. And why does that one
25:14
stick out more than maybe other projects you
25:17
did that were successful, but somebody didn't
25:19
have a trial or a struggle? Why does that one
25:20
stick out? I think that goes back to my why,
25:24
right? My personal why is attached to that story
25:28
because I'm impacting someone's life and allowing
25:31
them to be the best version of themselves and
25:34
allowing them space to grow and to see what they're
25:38
capable of. And that is so rewarding to me, not
25:43
only as an individual, but as a leader in any
25:46
organization. And then without fail, success
25:49
comes in that project when you can focus on.
25:52
the people first. That's been my experience.
25:55
When you give someone a space to feel safe, to
25:59
feel vulnerable, to talk about whatever it is
26:01
that they're going through, because sometimes
26:03
these gloved situations are a short period of
26:07
time, right? I'm going through a divorce. I'm
26:09
going through a pregnancy that's difficult. I'm
26:11
going through the loss of a parent or a sick
26:13
parent or a move at home or financial struggles,
26:17
whatever those vulnerable personal things are,
26:20
impact our professional life. So much, right?
26:23
So when you allow space for that person to be
26:26
human and still shine, they show up for you tenfold
26:30
professionally. It has been my experience. And
26:34
so these two stories, you see the through line.
26:37
You see the through line. You're your mom. And
26:42
you're fighting amongst eight kids. And there's
26:47
a lot going. She pulls you out of school. And
26:51
she picks strawberries with you. And she makes
26:53
jam with you. And this project you do together,
26:56
it's not about the strawberries. It's about the
26:58
relationship. And that's what you're doing. You
27:01
have this project, and it's still important.
27:04
You've got to do this project. But you're finding
27:05
the individual, and you're finding what they
27:08
need. And you're pulling them out of school,
27:10
and you're making jam with them. And it's magical,
27:12
right? And that's what Simon Sinek talks about
27:16
with a why. Your why. if everybody can truly
27:19
discover, it goes back to something that you
27:23
found in your childhood, that the happiness that
27:27
you found and it, and it, and it carries throughout
27:29
your life and it becomes, it is always outward
27:31
facing. It's, it's what you're doing for others
27:33
and the way that you're impacting them, the way
27:35
that you're making them feel. And so, sorry,
27:39
that, that, uh, that was, I mean, that's just
27:41
strikes, strikes me right at the heart, right?
27:44
Like it's just, That's what a why is all about.
27:46
And when we have a why that we have really identified
27:50
and that we can go back to for ourselves individually,
27:53
but also for our organization, that's where it
27:56
becomes something far greater than ourselves
27:59
and where an organization can have real impact.
28:03
One of the things that Simon Sinek says is people
28:05
don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it.
28:08
And so when an organization forgets why they
28:11
do it, then they're not going to have the same
28:13
impact. on their end client user because then
28:17
it's just a transaction. Totally. This is where
28:19
your value -based system comes into play, right?
28:23
Because no one's above the values. Once you define
28:27
that as an organization, I think you've got to
28:29
stay true to that. Good times, bad times, whatever
28:32
comes your way. And that's, I think, what resonates
28:35
with someone on the outside watching you, right?
28:37
For sure. And when an organization has locked
28:40
in well what their why and values is, it's also
28:43
it's a way to weed people out either before they
28:46
come in the first place but also once they're
28:48
there if somebody doesn't harmonize with the
28:50
why of an organization um then it's not a good
28:54
long -term fit and then it ends up you know not
28:56
not continuing um okay i have another quote to
29:00
ask you about okay this is from james clear who
29:03
wrote a book called atomic habits and he said
29:06
every action you take is a vote for the type
29:09
of person you wish to become No single instance
29:13
will transform your beliefs, but as the votes
29:15
build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.
29:20
Okay, so give me your take on that. I love that.
29:23
The idea of reinventing yourself based on who
29:26
you want to be rather than who you feel you already
29:29
are or have to be, right? It's huge. And I feel
29:33
like that's something we all probably continue
29:35
to reinvent. My husband and I were just having
29:37
a conversation because we were moving. And so
29:39
we have this, even a new neighborhood, a new
29:41
street, you have this little moment to reinvent
29:44
yourself for a second. And there's something
29:46
so exciting about that. And also pressure filled.
29:48
And you're like, well, how do I want to show
29:50
up, right? And meanwhile, you're going to be
29:51
who you are, right? But the thought of being
29:54
able to reinvent and be greater than you are
29:58
is so exciting to me. And I think that's that
30:02
growth mindset. Yes. Right? The ability to. To
30:06
be able to say I never have everything figured
30:09
out. One of my favorite, favorite authors, Adam
30:14
Grant. Oh, yes. Think Again and Hidden Potential.
30:17
Girl, we are right there. That Think Again book
30:19
is just my favorite. It's like a study guide
30:22
for me. I have it marked up all over. The idea
30:25
of never really knowing something for sure because
30:29
there's always more to add to it creates this.
30:32
this environment to, to do exactly what that
30:34
quote is speaking to, right. To be able to reinvent
30:37
and, and achieve what you aspire to be and make
30:42
that real. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And I think what
30:46
I love so much about think again is it really
30:49
shifted my view on changing your mind, you know,
30:53
and, and because, you know, and in, in society,
30:56
especially say in politics, which I hate, but
30:59
in politics, like If somebody changes their mind,
31:02
it's terrible. Like, oh, no, no, no. This politician
31:05
can't change their mind. Nope. Nope. What they
31:07
said initially has to always be that. Right.
31:09
And so we're taught that you can't change your
31:11
mind. Right. But like in reality, as we learn
31:14
and grow, we should absolutely be changing our
31:16
minds all the time. Totally. And it completely
31:19
changed the way that I look at decisions that
31:21
I make and things that have happened and things
31:24
that I want to do. Because if I will take that
31:28
moment to like, OK, well, let me analyze this
31:29
like. The things that I was thinking, was I actually
31:33
wrong there? Do I actually need to update what
31:37
my thoughts were on this thing? And the answer
31:39
is yes. It's actually something they try to teach
31:42
us in law school. They teach us the Socratic
31:44
method, which is like you challenge the things
31:47
that are said and you do everything you can to
31:50
poke as many holes in it so that you can eventually
31:52
reach truth, right? That's kind of the idea.
31:55
And so as I've done that more, it's really helped
31:58
me to kind of expand what things I think about.
32:00
And I love this idea too of reinventing yourself
32:02
because with the growth mindset, we always have
32:07
this opportunity to, again, it's a vote for who
32:09
we want to become. We don't have to be stuck
32:12
with who we are. We can look at things differently
32:15
and we can continue to strive to grow and become
32:18
something new and different and better. Absolutely.
32:21
And I think one step further from that is we
32:23
need to allow space for other people to do the
32:25
same. Oh, very good point. Because to your point
32:27
in politics, right, we now view this person that
32:29
changed their mind or their quote from 10 years
32:31
ago that now they're a liar or they're a hypocrite
32:33
or they ping pong to whoever the audience is.
32:36
And then we immediately don't trust them. Well,
32:38
if you applied that to everybody, we would all
32:40
be walking around with no one trusting anyone,
32:42
right? The reality is with new information, we
32:46
should be open to changing our minds, right?
32:48
We should be willing to change and grow and learn.
32:51
And we need to allow space for other people to
32:54
do the same. And we need to allow grace when
32:57
someone does do something. I think that's upsetting
32:59
to really not assume bad, but maybe consider
33:03
their why in it. Because we usually don't know,
33:07
right? And when you can do that, you immediately
33:10
soften whatever the... the narrative that you're
33:13
telling yourself about that person. And again,
33:15
it's not usually about you, right? It's usually
33:18
something about them. I have to go back to Frozen
33:22
for a second because this just came to mind.
33:24
But one of my favorite quotes, it's the dumbest
33:26
line. You probably didn't even notice it. But
33:28
when, okay, Elsa goes off to the mountain, right?
33:31
She's gone. And Anna has Kristoff and she's super
33:34
frustrated with them and she's trying to find
33:35
Elsa and they're having this great dynamic. And
33:38
he's learning about... the ice and the hands
33:41
and what happened. And she says, he says, you
33:44
didn't know this. And she goes, well, she always
33:45
wore gloves, but I just thought she had a thing
33:47
about dirt. That's what she says to him. I just
33:50
thought she had a thing about dirt. And I'm like,
33:52
doesn't that tell you that people aren't thinking
33:53
about you as much as you think they are. And
33:56
yet we spend so much time thinking about other
33:58
people that that's kind of the problem. Like,
34:02
it's so funny to me that Elsa's like literally
34:05
hiding in a mountain. She's ashamed of everything.
34:09
And her best friend, her sister that knows her
34:12
the most is like, I don't know. I just thought
34:14
she had a thing about dirt. Like she doesn't
34:16
even consider anything bigger than this simple.
34:19
Yeah. Maybe she has an aversion to being dirty.
34:23
That's why she wore her gloves. Right. So I guess
34:25
that just comes to mind when we talk about like.
34:27
Absolutely. Brene Brown calls it assume positive
34:31
intent. Love that. If we can do that more in
34:35
our lives, we're going to be better off because
34:38
it gives room for grace. It gives room for understanding.
34:42
It gives this space for just, I think, so much
34:47
more enrichment in our lives if we'll assume
34:50
positive intent from other people and not that
34:51
they're just out to get us or they're out to
34:53
be mean to us or they're out to do horrible things.
34:55
Yeah, they're working on reinventing themselves
34:56
the same way each of us, right? It's great. Our
35:01
common goal should be growth. for sure so i have
35:04
i have another portion of let it go the song
35:07
written down but i think fits well here and and
35:09
i'll get your get your take on it too um after
35:12
the initial portion of the song kind of identifying
35:14
some of the things that were holding her back
35:15
she then says it's funny how some distance makes
35:19
everything seem small and the fears that once
35:22
controlled me can't get to me at all it's time
35:25
to see what i can do to test the limits and break
35:27
through no right no wrong no rules for me i'm
35:30
free So for you in your life, when was that?
35:35
When did that happen where you were able to say,
35:39
like, I'm going to embrace this. I'm different,
35:41
and it's great, and it's wonderful that I'm different,
35:45
and I'm going to be free and not let this thing
35:48
hold me back, but I'm going to use it for good.
35:50
When was that for you? It still happens for me.
35:53
Love it. I'm still not done with that. Okay.
35:56
It is a process, and it's a mindset process.
35:59
So the first time I remember it happening is
36:02
with the piano. So what are you, like sixth grade,
36:06
seventh grade with that 12 -year -old? And I
36:09
learned I can do this and I'm good. I have a
36:12
talent here. And I wasn't afraid to play. It
36:15
became this thing that like I'm this special
36:17
person now because I can do this. And you're
36:19
starting to get some attention for what you thought
36:22
was negative and bad and ugly. You're getting
36:24
positive attention for it. So it wasn't the reason
36:27
I did it. But when I saw that happen, I gained
36:31
some confidence, right? So that helps you to
36:33
break past that and think, well, what else can
36:35
I do, right? What else can I figure out how to
36:39
do? And it gives you every win, every little
36:42
step and win gives you a little more confidence
36:46
to try something else, right? So my life around
36:50
my hands and my abilities or inabilities, right,
36:54
have been a series of. Putting myself out there
36:57
and trying something brave and figuring it out.
36:59
And then something happens and it's like it levels
37:03
you. It takes you four or five steps backwards.
37:05
And you have to keep going. And I'll give you
37:08
an example of something that set me backwards.
37:10
And this was when I was like in my 30s. But I
37:13
was at church working with the little primary
37:15
children. And we were getting ready to do this
37:19
program, right, for all of the parents. And I
37:22
reached my hand out. This line of all the little
37:26
sweet, probably seven -year -olds, six -year
37:28
-olds. They were young. So maybe even younger.
37:31
And I reached my hand out to say, okay, let's
37:32
go. And the little girl in the front went, ew,
37:35
like this. And she pulled back when she saw my
37:38
hand. And she wouldn't hold my hand. And I've
37:40
got adults and people, friends, strangers, all
37:44
watching this. And she wouldn't take my hand.
37:47
And it was like I was a five -year -old on the
37:50
playground again. It just flooded right back.
37:53
all of those feelings of you are deformed. You're
37:57
ugly. You're not good enough. Nobody wants to
37:59
be around you. It's so impactful. I wish I could
38:04
describe how quickly that takes you back. And
38:07
then there's a mindset that has to happen. You
38:09
have to kind of gussy up that courage again and
38:11
get back to all the experiences you've had that
38:14
you've done good and that you can do hard things
38:16
and you can figure it out and you're good enough
38:18
and you've got something to offer. So it's a
38:21
process, right? It's a total process. I love
38:24
actually that Elsa does the coronation, right?
38:26
She's talk about courage. She is standing there
38:28
like I was standing there, you know, at the piano
38:31
and I'm going to do this. And that prayer, like
38:35
constant in her mind, help me through this, help
38:37
me get through this. And she did it right. She
38:40
felt like a million bucks and then boom, life
38:42
experience teaches her again. It's not safe.
38:45
So we go through this. It's a process. But I
38:48
think that's helpful because. I think sometimes
38:52
when people hear stories like yours, it's like,
38:55
okay, you overcame it and now everything's perfect.
38:58
And it's not. It's the same idea of it's a growth
39:02
mentality. We are going to, throughout our lives,
39:04
continue to experience trials. We're going to
39:06
experience setbacks. And when we can embrace
39:10
that and understand that's the case, we're going
39:12
to give ourselves more grace because it will
39:13
happen. We're going to mess up. We're going to
39:16
make mistakes. Absolutely. And we're all imperfect.
39:19
And when we, though, can then look at it differently
39:22
and use that to continue growing, say, okay,
39:25
I had this setback. I had this failure, and it
39:27
hurt, and it was hard. This thing was difficult,
39:30
and now I'm going to move forward. Yeah, and
39:32
I learned from it rather than letting it define
39:34
me, right? And now I'm moving forward. That's
39:36
the key. That's the key. Because if we just let
39:38
it define us, then we're going to be in that
39:40
fixed mindset, and we're not going to be able
39:42
to continue growing. We'll never put ourself
39:44
out there again, right? You become that. Inhibited
39:47
child again where you hide and yeah, it's exactly
39:50
right. Yeah, so in one of the things that I think
39:53
many other major lessons we have from frozen
39:56
is What is it that actually helps us move forward
40:01
and helps others move forward and I think it's
40:03
captured really well in the song that the little
40:08
rock people are singing to Kristoff and Anna,
40:10
right? They're just like, it's the funnest song,
40:12
a fixer -upper, right? Because Kristoff is just
40:14
this giant fixer -upper. But this is like a really
40:18
actually deep, and I'm going to read it to you
40:20
and then I'll get your take on it. And later
40:23
in the song, towards the end, it says, we're
40:25
not saying you can change him because people
40:28
don't really change. We're only saying that loves
40:31
a force that's powerful and strange. People make
40:35
bad choices if they're mad or scared or stressed,
40:38
but throw a little love their way and you'll
40:44
bring out their best. True love brings out the
40:47
best. So for you, what role has love played in
40:51
your life? Both of people throwing a little love
40:54
your way and then you being able to throw a little
40:56
love to somebody else. Yeah. I mean, it's played.
40:59
That's all of it. That's the root, right? Surrounding
41:01
yourself with people. that love you without condition,
41:05
and then learning to allow yourself to be loved.
41:08
I think that's really key. It's a two -way. And
41:12
one was much easier than the other for me. I
41:15
think for most of us that's true. But it cuts
41:20
down to everything we've talked about, right?
41:21
The why behind it, the relationship building,
41:23
the purpose that I just said resonates with me
41:26
is to impact others' lives for good, right? Love
41:29
is at the root of that. It is. And I have found
41:33
that's the magic. That's the magic is when you
41:36
can love people around you. And that's hard.
41:41
It's hard to do when there are people that aren't
41:43
maybe treating you the best. But when you can
41:46
step back and look at them and say, what are
41:49
they afraid of? Because what their action is
41:52
that just hurt me or what their words were, the
41:55
bully that just made this comment, the boss that
41:58
just dismissed me in a meeting. The friend that
42:01
forgot this big event in my life. These are normal
42:06
life things. They're not usually rooted in animosity
42:13
or pointed at hurting you. It's about something
42:16
they're facing. And they're afraid. They're scared.
42:19
They're sad. They're working through something.
42:22
So when you can look at somebody with empathy
42:24
and with that mindset, immediately love takes
42:28
over. And your heart is softened to be able to
42:31
look at them and see them as a person and a human
42:33
and not any other name that might come to mind.
42:36
And it's hard. That's hard to do. But that is,
42:40
I will say, maybe a gift that I think I, again,
42:44
developed either young or came with because I
42:47
feel like I'm pretty good at that and being able
42:49
to look at somebody and say, I'm not going to
42:52
hold this against them. And there have been even
42:54
people that really hurt me. And I don't feel
42:57
animosity. I don't feel anger. I don't hold on
43:01
to things. I feel sad. I feel worried about those
43:06
people. And I want better for them because I
43:09
know it's not about me. And it can be a real
43:13
challenge to take that perspective, but it also
43:17
can be one that makes all the difference. Yeah,
43:19
it takes some time to get there, you know. You
43:21
have to allow yourself space to work through
43:23
those things and feel the hurt or the anger or
43:26
the jealousy or whatever it is. But I think the
43:28
quicker you can pivot back to a positive mindset
43:33
and shift with love being your anchor and your
43:36
guide, it's just, it makes your own life better.
43:39
Why would you not want that? For sure. Yeah.
43:43
So in all the different times that you've shared
43:46
your story and you've given presentations or
43:51
firesides or all of these things, I've got to
43:55
imagine that there's been a time where someone's
43:57
come back to you and told you about some kind
44:00
of impact you had in their life. Is there any
44:02
that you could share with us? I have had many,
44:05
many, and that's what keeps me doing it. That
44:08
one person, I show up sometimes to an event and
44:10
I'm like, there's, I don't know, two or 300 people
44:12
in this room. And it's a little scary. It can
44:14
be intimidating. And you think, I'm not running
44:18
a marathon with no legs here, right? Like there
44:21
are people doing much harder things and much
44:23
more remarkable challenges that have been overcome
44:26
than this. But if I can say something that impacts
44:30
even one person, especially when I'm talking
44:33
to like youth, teenagers. where confidence is
44:37
a game changer. That is the number one thing
44:41
I think we have to focus on with our youth, teenage
44:45
kids at home or at church or wherever we might
44:47
have an impact is that their self -confidence
44:50
and their self -worth has to be healthy, right?
44:54
Because that's going to shape who they are and
44:56
how they live their life. If I can say something
44:59
in that setting that helps one person feel like
45:02
they're enough or that they're... They're hiding
45:05
something with gloves that maybe doesn't need
45:07
to be hidden with gloves, right? Then I've done
45:10
my work. I've done my job. It's worth anything
45:12
else. So that's why I keep doing this. And I
45:15
welcome it every time because of that thought
45:19
of one person. And I have had many people over
45:23
the time I've done this that have sent me a card
45:25
or a note. I'll get a text. I've gotten a couple
45:28
texts randomly from a number I don't know that
45:30
says, hey, I got your name. your number from
45:33
this person. And I just wanted you to know that
45:35
you changed my life. Something you said is what
45:37
I needed to hear at that, that moment. And so
45:40
I have kept all of those things very close to
45:43
my heart. It's pretty great. Yeah. Yeah. You're,
45:46
you're picking lots of strawberries and making
45:48
lots of strawberries. Yeah, you are. And you
45:51
know that the reason we started this podcast
45:54
is to try to have positive impact on people.
45:56
And so getting to hear inspiring stories like
45:59
yours and hopefully more people get to hear it.
46:03
because it'll be out there. It's just, that's
46:06
why we're trying to do this. We just, you know,
46:08
more goodness, more love, more kindness in this
46:10
world, I think is what everybody needs. Okay,
46:13
so you ready to move to some fun segments here?
46:16
Yes, here we go. So we're gonna do a little this
46:18
or that, okay? So you just go with whichever
46:21
one you feel like and you might have to defend
46:24
a controversial pick. So we're gonna see how
46:26
this goes, Stephanie, okay? Ice Palace or Arendelle?
46:31
Arendelle. I hate being cold. And I just said
46:35
I don't want to be alone, right? She's alone
46:37
in the ice palace. Give me friends and people
46:40
and parties. Okay, I love that. I love that.
46:43
Building a snowman or ice skating? Ooh, that
46:47
one's hard. Because the snowman led to Olaf,
46:50
which is really fun. So I want to say that. But
46:53
I do love ice skating, too. I don't know how
46:55
I'd pick. That's fun. In downtown Daybreak this
46:59
year, they had the little ice skating rink. Did
47:01
you go to it? I did. I did. So fun. It's so fun.
47:04
You can't really get some speed in that little
47:05
rink. Yeah, because it's really small. Yes. You
47:07
want to get speed, you got to go to the Olympic
47:09
Oval, right? Where they had the Olympics and
47:12
now the Olympics are going to come again. I'm
47:14
sure they'll do it there again. You can get some
47:15
real speed there. Though that's a little scary.
47:18
Yeah, but the Daybreak one was almost like Arendelle
47:20
ice skating. It was like a small little vibe.
47:22
Just cute little like, you know, fun. And my
47:25
six -year -old was five at the time when we went.
47:27
And loved it. You know, because nothing's too
47:29
fast. It's all just kind of small and cute and
47:31
fun. So I guess I'm saying ice skating. Okay.
47:33
That's my answer. I'm here for it. Olaf or Sven?
47:38
Olaf. I love Olaf. I love Sven too. Sven's great.
47:42
I have enough Sven in me that I need the Olaf
47:45
balance. So I say Olaf. I'm with you there. The
47:47
fun. Anna or Elsa? I mean, I feel like. Anna.
47:55
I got to say Anna's who I aspire. Maybe Elsa's
47:58
who I feel like I probably am and I want to be
48:00
more Anna. Sure. So Anna. Anna's great. Beach
48:04
vacation or visiting a city with history? Beach
48:08
vacation. Okay. You're a beach gal. Yeah. I don't
48:11
shut my brain off very easily. So if you put
48:14
me physically in a space where I can't do anything
48:17
else, I actually relax. But it takes a minute.
48:20
So they like the beach. Okay. I'm with you. I
48:22
just got back from a dual trip to DC and yeah,
48:27
my brain didn't really shut off. I mean, I was
48:29
just like soaking up. Like I'm here. It's, it's
48:32
America two 50. I'm visiting all these amazing
48:35
things. Like, but my brain's going the whole
48:37
time. It wasn't like a. I need to take some time
48:40
away kind of thing. Beach vacation, though. I
48:42
just did two weeks in Europe, and we were all
48:44
cities. I mean, we were hopping. We were walking
48:47
20 ,000 steps a day. So there's no relaxing.
48:51
So give me a beach. Give you a beach. Sunrise
48:54
or sunset? Oh, sunset. I don't want to get up
48:57
early if I don't have to. Oh, is that why? Yes,
48:59
sunset. Okay. I think a sunset is much more beautiful.
49:03
But I love getting up early. I'm envious of that.
49:07
In fact, I mean, it was... i i told my wife that
49:12
so i've started running a bit more and so when
49:16
we go on vacation i try to run and so i ran from
49:19
our hotel to the national mall around it and
49:21
back and i told her like that's top three for
49:24
me it's central park new york city it was waikiki
49:27
beach in oahu yeah sure and national mall and
49:30
national mall running but doing it when the sun
49:32
is rising is like there's something so fresh
49:35
and the start of a new day that i just i soak
49:39
up like it's that's when i actually get to think
49:41
i love that that's when i get to clear my mind
49:43
and that sunrise kind of becomes that i'm envious
49:46
of both i aspire to be i love run i admire runners
49:50
i really do i have friends that are runners but
49:52
i can run to the block and pass out. Like, I
49:55
just, I have to build that. And I know it takes
49:57
work. I've just not done it. And getting up early.
49:59
My husband is like, go to the gym at 4 a .m.
50:01
to beat the people and then to have that fresh
50:03
start of the day. And man, he's trying to get
50:06
me. He's getting me there a little by little,
50:07
but I just can't do that early. And I love it.
50:10
I'm a 415 guy. Yeah. Got to get up early, beat
50:13
everybody else. You're probably working out next
50:15
to each other. World's just mine. Nobody else
50:18
in the world exists. Everybody else is still
50:19
asleep. Exactly what he says. I'm there with
50:21
it. OK, this is one that I don't know. I just
50:25
thought maybe I'll ask this because my wife would
50:27
be the one who asked this question. But heels
50:29
or flats? Oh, I was a heels girl all the way
50:34
until like this last year, maybe. I'm just getting
50:38
too old for the heels. I just can't. But I am.
50:41
I have a closet of heels. And I always any opportunity
50:44
to wear a high heel. I loved it. Yeah. So heels.
50:47
I think, I think my wife likes heels, but she's
50:50
tall. She's like five, 10 and a half. And so
50:53
when she puts heels on, she's even taller. So
50:56
I think a lot of times she'd prefer like a very
50:57
short heel or flats, even though she likes heels.
51:00
Yeah. I think the comfort level, I'm getting
51:03
to a point where I'm like, I'm over it. I just
51:04
need to be comfortable. So I'm still, but man,
51:06
I love a good heel. I just think there's something
51:08
really, I love it. For sure. Okay. Last this
51:11
or that, um, a girl's trip or a solo adventure.
51:17
Oh, it depends on the girls and the trip you
51:20
choose. I'm going to say girls trip because I,
51:23
and I, and I do this in my perfect world. It's
51:25
like, I, my, I have a sister, I have three sisters
51:27
and every now and again, the three of us, the
51:29
four of us will do a trip and I love it. But
51:31
almost every year, my one sister that's local
51:33
and my daughter, who's now an adult, we'll do
51:36
a trip a weekend away. And man, that is the best
51:38
reset time. We laugh like I don't any other time.
51:42
I love that. That's a reset in itself. Yeah.
51:46
I'm definitely not a solo trip guy. Some people
51:48
are and they claim it's great. On this DC trip,
51:51
I had two different things I was there for. The
51:52
first half was an ABA conference. And so my wife
51:56
didn't join me for that because I was going to
51:57
be in classes a lot. And so after the classes,
52:01
like I was there by myself. And so I walked around,
52:04
like I walked around DC and I went to a couple
52:06
of shows. I'm like, oh, this solo trip stuff
52:09
is for the birds. I don't like it at all. And
52:12
so once my wife joined for the second half, I
52:14
had a much more fun time. We just did fun things
52:17
together. I love that. That says a lot about
52:19
the two of you. That's great. We have fun for
52:21
sure. Okay, here's a rapid fire. So first one
52:24
that comes to mind. Okay. A lot of Disney stuff,
52:26
but we'll see. We'll give you a little preview
52:29
there. Favorite Disney movie. It's so hard for
52:32
me to pick a favorite. At the moment. Encanto
52:35
is the one I put on. I'm with you. That's my
52:39
current fave. I tell people I know it's recency
52:41
bias because I know that's a thing. But I love
52:44
it. I still love it. I do too. I can watch it
52:46
because my girls love it and I can watch it with
52:49
them anytime and enjoy it. I can put the songs
52:51
on and we love it and we all sing to it even
52:53
though I'm a terrible singer. We'll sing anyways.
52:55
We don't talk about Bruno. Give me some. We don't
52:56
talk about Bruno. Who doesn't want to sing that
52:58
over and over? It's so fun. I just love it. I
53:00
love everything about it. So great. Speaking
53:03
of songs. Favorite Disney song? So hard. Again,
53:07
I'll say right now. I don't even know if I can
53:10
say. Oh, my goodness. Over time, I'd say the
53:12
Brother Bears soundtrack. Really? As a whole.
53:15
That's a hot take. Yeah, isn't it? Because that
53:17
movie did not do well. No? No. Well, my kids
53:20
may be the ages they were, but I love the Brother
53:23
Bear music. Interesting. Welcome to the family.
53:26
See, I... Here's a little preview. Yeah. I don't
53:29
really know anything from it. Oh, my goodness.
53:31
I know. I don't think I've seen it since it came
53:33
out. You should probably go put it on with your
53:35
kids. They're going to think it's ancient and
53:36
they're not going to like it. I'm going to have
53:38
to go watch it. My kids love it still. But I
53:40
love the Tarzan music. Maybe it's Phil Collins
53:43
I like. Is that what it is? Because Tarzan music
53:46
is great. Phil Collins is so great. Yeah, I love
53:48
those. Those are like they just stand the test
53:50
of time. I'm with you. Phil Collins was True
53:53
Colors, right? Not in the movie, but just like
53:55
in general. Did he do True Colors? wasn't that
53:57
cindy lauper who was it okay maybe it was maybe
54:00
it was i remember him singing it and i love that
54:02
i'm sure he did and then so when tarzan came
54:04
out i was like oh i know phil collins is we're
54:07
gonna have to look this up i know we're gonna
54:08
have to right we're gonna give credit where credit's
54:10
due that's right totally favorite disney princess
54:12
um i love rapunzel She's my current fave. She's
54:21
amazing. Yeah. All of these have a caveat of
54:23
current. Oh, yeah. It'll change. Because it does.
54:25
Yeah. Rapunzel. Our tastes change over time.
54:28
Favorite Disney villain? Ooh. Villain. That's
54:36
a tough one. That's a really tough one. My favorite
54:42
Disney villain. Maleficent is just iconic. So
54:46
I'm going to say her. That's the one I get the
54:47
most. Do you? People love Maleficent. Yeah. People
54:50
love her. That is, I don't know that I love her.
54:54
As a villain. But I think she's got a cool background,
54:57
dark story, broody. Oh, totally. You know, I
55:00
almost said Ursula because there's something
55:01
about Ursula that's, yeah. Ursula's pretty good.
55:04
Anyway, yeah. The one that I get a lot too is
55:06
Hades. Because he's just funny. Because he's
55:09
great. Yeah. Like, it's his job. Like, he's the
55:12
god of the underworld. What's he supposed to
55:13
do? Right? Like, that's his job. That's what
55:14
he's doing. But he's funny. You know, he's cracking
55:16
jokes. Doing the best he can with what he's got.
55:18
That's exactly right. He's filling his role well.
55:20
He totally is. I love it. He totally is. Okay.
55:22
Person you most admired growing up? Ooh. That
55:27
is not Disney related. I know. I decided to take
55:29
the last two are going to be curveballs. I got
55:31
to say it was my sister. My older sister growing
55:34
up. And still I do. But growing up, I didn't
55:38
know a whole lot of other people. And I just
55:40
thought she was it. She's pretty great. Amazing.
55:43
And then last one I'm borrowing from Adam Grant.
55:45
He does this on his podcast every time, which
55:48
is Ultimate Dinner Guest. Ultimate Dinner Guest.
55:52
Dead or alive. Oh, dead or alive. Do you know
55:57
who I'm going to say? And it's, again, a current
55:59
one. It'll probably change tomorrow. But Gail
56:01
Miller is like my current favorite person. Really?
56:04
I have listened to her speak a couple times recently.
56:08
I've just learned a little bit more about her
56:10
and what she's, she has a fascinating story and
56:12
she's so genuine. So much of what we talk about
56:15
and her why. I just think she's remarkable. I
56:19
think you could probably make that happen. Somebody's
56:21
got to be able to make that happen. I think we've
56:21
got to put this out there now, and we've got
56:23
to make this happen because that's somebody you
56:25
actually could. I could. She's here. I could
56:26
figure that out. She's here. I just think she's
56:29
a remarkable human. Oh, yeah. She's a philanthropist,
56:32
kindness. She's hard, but love drives her. There's
56:40
something about her that I'm drawn to for sure.
56:43
Yeah, amazing. That's a good one. Well, what
56:46
we like to do at the end of every episode is
56:48
we like to give three actionable takeaways to
56:51
our listeners. And we like to give them specific
56:54
things that somebody could do today or this week
56:59
to start making some changes. In this particular
57:03
instance, things where they could be embracing
57:08
more of what makes them unique. And in so doing,
57:13
doing good for others. So what are three specific
57:16
things we could give to people that they could
57:17
do today or this week? This one's hard, too,
57:21
because I have a lot. Because I've spoken enough
57:24
that I leave takeaways, right? So I spent a little
57:26
time actually knowing this part, and I kind of
57:29
went the frozen route. So I have three very frozen
57:33
-related actionable things. So the first one
57:36
is, don't hate me for it, but let it go. Let
57:40
the expectation from other people that's driving
57:44
you go. Let the perfectionism to perform and
57:48
to be what you think you're supposed to be, let
57:51
it go. And just be you. Like that is, I know
57:56
cliche is this song, but it is such a real statement
58:00
that you need to let some of that stuff go. Figure
58:03
out what's holding you back and let go of it,
58:06
right? There's number one. Love that. Yeah. Number
58:08
two. I'd say discover your Olaf, your inner Olaf,
58:14
right? Olaf is a piece of Elsa. Totally is. He
58:17
is that uninhibited little child that just had
58:20
fun. He doesn't know the sun is going to make
58:22
him melt, right? He doesn't care that it's going
58:25
to make him melt. Somebody is going to help me
58:26
figure that out. I just want to be in the sun.
58:29
I don't care if I can play the piano the same
58:31
way as everybody else. I just want to play it.
58:33
So somebody help me just do that and I will do
58:35
the work. That is the magic. It's so good. I've
58:38
never looked at Olaf that way, and it opens my
58:42
eyes. That's who he is. He's so good. She needed
58:46
to find him and that piece in her to be able
58:51
to say, wait a minute, hold on. There's good
58:54
in this thing that I've decided was bad. So find
58:58
your uninhibited child and whatever it was before
59:01
life experience taught you that something wasn't
59:04
good enough. Hold on to it. Love that. Keep finding
59:08
it. Love that. Yeah. And then the third one ties
59:12
in with love being the root. And I would say
59:15
find your five people, right? Have you ever heard?
59:20
This was back in the day. I had to look up the
59:22
guy. I'm going to find his name because I want
59:24
to give credit for this. But 1980 -something,
59:28
Jim Rohn, personal development author. in the
59:35
80s but he taught about you become an average
59:39
of the five people you hang around the most right
59:42
you've heard that and i think and then it's like
59:45
put yourself around higher achieving people to
59:47
raise your average right and i would say more
59:50
than about your performance the kind of person
59:52
and character you want to be right we get to
59:55
shape that we may not get to pick the challenges
59:58
the trials the struggles the the deformities,
1:00:00
we get some of that. Some of that is just what
1:00:03
we're dealt, right? But we get to pick who we
1:00:07
become. And so surround yourself intentionally
1:00:11
with the people you want to be like, love them
1:00:16
without guile and without judgment and without
1:00:19
any type of parameters, love them for who they
1:00:22
are, be forgiving and open, and then allow them
1:00:25
to do the same for you. Because that's where
1:00:28
magic happens too, right? That was the key for
1:00:30
Elsa and Anna was love. 100%. Yeah. So let it
1:00:33
go. Find your inner Olaf. Identify your five
1:00:36
people. Yeah. So good. Yeah. Oh, it's been such
1:00:39
a pleasure. Such a joy to visit with you. So
1:00:42
inspiring for who you are, for what you do, for
1:00:46
the goodness that you put out there in the world.
1:00:48
It's been such a great addition to what we're
1:00:51
trying to accomplish here. and putting positivity
1:00:55
out there. So thank you so much for being with
1:00:56
us today. Thanks for the opportunity. I appreciate
1:00:58
it. Of course. As you leave this conversation,
1:01:02
remember that yes, the past can hurt and you
1:01:05
can either run from it or you can learn from
1:01:08
it. So here's to learning and finding joy in
1:01:11
the journey. See you real soon.