Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 229 How to Let Go of Mom Guilt and Parenting Regrets in the Empty Nest with Author Laurie Davies

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229 How to Let Go of Mom Guilt and Parenting Regrets in the Empty Nest with Author Laurie Davies · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Christian parenting.
• 0:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey Mama, I'm Pamela Henkelman, certified emptiness coach and your listening to the mid-life Mama podcast.
• 0:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: This show is for Christian moms navigating the emptiness, learning how to let go with grace, set healthy boundaries, reconnected marriage, and step confidently into their God-given purpose.
• 0:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Each week I'll coach you through this season with faith-filled encouragement,
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: on his conversations and practical tools that you can apply right away to your relationships and your life.
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: If this episode encourages you, I'd be grateful if you leave a quick rating and review.
• 0:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: It helps other moms find the support they need.
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: You'll find the link in the show notes and make sure you're following the podcast and let's get started.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Today, we're talking about something many moms carry, especially in the emptiness years.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Guilt, regret, the moments we wish we could do over.
• 1:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you lost your temper or maybe you missed something important.
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe your relationship with an adult child feels strained and you keep replaying old memories, wondering why you should have done differently.
• 1:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: As moms, we can become collectors of emotional clutter.
• 1:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: We hold onto mistakes.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: My guest today is Lori Davies, author of the new book, Emotional Horting, Unburne your heart and clear out the clutter.
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Lori helps us identify the emotional baggage weighing us down and points us back to the freedom Christ offers.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Lori is a talented speaker, author and lay minister.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: She has a passion for helping women find freedom from emotional accumulation.
• 1:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Doesn't sound fabulous, and if you've ever found yourself carrying guilt over your parenting, struggling to let go of regret.
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: or feeling stuck in the shame about the past.
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: This conversation is for you.
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome Lori, tell us, heart behind your book.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, thanks for having me today.
• 2:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited.
• 2:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love getting my hands on moms as mom, anti-ness moms or moms with kids at home.
• 2:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: If we can calibrate how we're thinking about some of the emotional stuff we hold onto, we can change generations.
• 2:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: So my heart behind the book, I just get you part of it.
• 2:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think hoarded hearts are an awful lot like hoarded hums.
• 2:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: both run out of room.
• 2:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so if Jesus is going to rain in my heart and if I'm going to love him as scripture says with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind and all my strength, then that's a lot of all's and I need to make room for him.
• 2:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: So my heart behind the book is to help us look at some of the stuff we're holding onto, maybe in a little bit different way so that we can
• 2:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: for Jesus to do his best work and that is to reign in our hearts.
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that.
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'd love that.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, God.
• 3:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: As women, we're just emotional creatures, aren't we?
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: We know.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: We sure are.
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So in your book, you compare emotional burdens to clutter that fills our home.
• 3:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: So why do you think, especially empty nest moms, have a tendency to hold on to guilt and regret.
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't do that too.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: their kissing cousins they really are related why do we hold on I think because when our kids move out now we've got a whole bunch of memories also it's just fact as we age we become less curious so what does that mean hit mean we spend more time in the memories we have we spend more time thinking
• 3:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And also, I think, we are in a battle.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: We do have an enemy that loves it very much for us to feel guilty all the time.
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: He loves it when we're buried under a mountain, never regret.
• 4:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Listen to the language we use, Pamela.
• 4:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a cumulation language.
• 4:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's hoarding language.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: So he loves it when we are ineffectual in our calling because we're trapped in guilt over the very many shortcomings we've had.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've had on the you've had on every one of your listeners has had them.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think those two things come to mind the most.
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about curiosity because I talk a lot about that with my clients.
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is the season to get curious to say, how do I need to see this differently?
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: So how does a mom need to see this regret and this guilt differently?
• 4:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to answer that question in a second, but you triggered something that I want to share that just happened fairly recently.
• 4:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was a game changer in my relationship with my adult son who has 25 lives about five miles away from me.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was over at the house and we were just having a really chill, comfortable conversation on the back patio.
• 5:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, as a mom, you can tell when there's a little bit of distance.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I just asked him, because I don't want there to be distance.
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Even if it means I need to confront something in me.
• 5:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: So especially if it means I need to confront something in me.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I asked him, hey, just give me one thing, because my heart can't take 10.
• 5:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: But is there one thing that I currently do or that I have done that hurts our relationship?
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he had a quick answer.
• 5:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: He, it was right there.
• 5:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: He had a quick answer.
• 5:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's done.
• 5:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was right there, top of mind for him.
• 5:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's something we can do right now in the present.
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because we can't go back and fix all the things we have regret about.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: All the false guilt that we felt that may have come out in our parenting, we can't go back and unwind that.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what we can do is right.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: here in the here and now say how I heard our relationship because I don't want to do that.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want it to be better.
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, way back to your question, I may need you to ask it to me again, regret and fall skill.
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't remember.
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: She did you ask why we hold onto those things or did you ask what is the path out?
• 6:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's take the path out.
• 6:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 6:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's take the path out.
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I love that.
• 6:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Look, both of these have a fork in the road.
• 6:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's a simple question.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's really a game to engine questions, which regret and fall skill.
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ask yourself the question.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Did I send?
• 6:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: because that's going to determine how you deal with them.
• 6:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's take guilt.
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you send your guilty, submit a news.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: The good news is scripture offers a clear path out of that.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's his second Corinthians seven.
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I won't spend a lot of time on that here, because I think the heart of your question, Pamela, is what's the way out of false skill?
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: When we feel guilty all of the time, and we can't send it.
• 7:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, or even in the present, if we just have this n-easy sense of I feel guilty all the time, like I'm not measuring up if the height line to get on the ride at Disney is 48 inches.
• 7:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You feel like your performance is always 47 inches.
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: You just feel guilty for not being a good mom.
• 7:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the question is did I send?
• 7:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: If the answer is no, I didn't send.
• 7:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: So maybe when your kids were at home, you made some choices, some tradeoffs.
• 7:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe sometimes you part to my friend of the TV for too long because you needed to go into the bathroom and sit by yourself and get some ever loving sanity back into your day.
• 7:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's easy and hindsight to go pile on ourselves for those judgment calls we made.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: When we were also probably at maximum capacity doing the best we could with the tools we had at that time, we can't go back and judge ourselves harshly because we didn't have the skill set that we have today, right?
• 8:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if the answer to did I sin is no, then you're not guilty.
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the enemy doesn't want us to have that realization.
• 8:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: The humans has to feel guilty all the time.
• 8:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do we do if we're not guilty but we still feel guilty?
• 8:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love how you set up today's episode because that's the place where grace can enter.
• 8:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And Grace goes all the places where we fall short, and it might be helpful, Pamela, to just define that word quickly, because we use it a lot in the church, but what does it even mean?
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was just going to ask you, could you please deflection that?
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because every- Yeah, yeah, some people say it's in power, some people say it's gentleness, some people say it, go ahead.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: What?
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think-
• 8:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I tell you what, I'm not going to tell you mine, because mine would just be another one on the pile.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I did a kind of a systematic study.
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I sound a little nerdy with that, but I was leading a retreat on grace.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I was like, yeah, what does this even mean?
• 9:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: So where do I've used for 30 years?
• 9:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've heard it in sermons.
• 9:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: So almost every instance of the word grace in the New Testament.
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: My grace is sufficient for you.
• 9:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: All the graces.
• 9:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Most of them are this word carousst.
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: and it's where we get charisma, it's but the meaning of the word, the Greek meaning of the word is this idea of God leaning toward us to love us.
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: He is predisposed to move toward us.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: One commentary I read said he bends low with his love.
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: So grace is how God loves us.
• 9:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you listen to what's happening with that forward motion, he makes that most of the distance.
• 9:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: he leans toward us to love us.
• 9:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what does that mean practically?
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's a nice idea, but what does it mean in the context of what we're talking about?
• 9:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: With all the many regrets I have, his grace leaning toward me actively filling the places where I would otherwise be filled with regret.
• 10:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's just, my regrets are a reminder of my need for his grace, which is him leaning toward
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't hit that one out of the park.
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would do that one differently if I could.
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm gonna let God's grace his love invade this space and equip me to stand on my feet and move forward with what I know now.
• 10:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Does that make sense?
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, that makes perfect sense.
• 10:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's also so powerful to deal with that internally and then also we can go to our dog kids and say, gosh, you guys, I kind of,
• 10:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel a little guilty for the way I did something, and I just want you to know if that was hard for you, I'm sorry.
• 10:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: We don't have to, don't explain the why.
• 10:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: We can just apologize.
• 10:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 10:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And move on.
• 10:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Move on.
• 10:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to.
• 10:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think day.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's key.
• 11:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was just going to say that.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: You read my mind.
• 11:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's so key.
• 11:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, well, I'm so glad you said that because it makes that uncomfortable.
• 11:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: If we're just apologizing over and over and over and over with just ask him, hey, is there something you'd like me to work on?
• 11:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is there something I did that hurt you?
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then take it, moms, take it, because even if you don't agree with it, it matters to them.
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And relationship is what we want.
• 11:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: We want them to always feel safe, whether they're two or 25, in saying things to us that it might not feel good in the moment.
• 11:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: It might not, but God's God, they're for you too.
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so I think of some moms.
• 11:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll think of some clients done in working with who will save this thing.
• 11:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: They will say, I can't forget it.
• 11:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't get them right.
• 11:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: The those memories just rural and rural.
• 11:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: How do we help her?
• 11:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: the first thing I would say is that's a real place to be.
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: In a courtroom, why do defense attorneys alert out these outrageous and reasonable things or prosecuting attorneys for that matter?
• 12:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's because juries aren't wired to unhere.
• 12:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: So even if it gets overturned, doesn't really matter because the seed is planted.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I think the first thing is just to acknowledge that the really real place to be, that I feel like I can't forget it.
• 12:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: But at some point, we get to make a decision about how do I want to move forward with my life.
• 12:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And do I want to be bound up one way to think of it is, do I want a partner with the enemy and keep myself trapped in this unproductive place of I'm going to think about it all the time I'm going to reminate on it because that's really what emotional hoarding is where we're either reminating on something so for your women that we're talking to right now I can't forget it I won't forget it I'm going to hold on to it.
• 13:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or the another way emotional hoarding comes out as we just doff it, doff it under the rug.
• 13:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Retended, it's not there.
• 13:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Until you're in about your 40s or 50s or 60s and it surfaces because it will.
• 13:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then you're playing like some emergency game of emotional whack-a-mole because all this stuff is surfacing that you didn't deal with as you go.
• 13:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I do want to speak to the woman who says I can't forget it
• 13:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: You probably can, and you might not, but you can make a decision to let God's grace flood that place in you.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can be like the father in the prodigal sun story, who his life did go on.
• 13:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: The only reason he was in position to throw a party for his son when his son got home, with he didn't crumple up and die.
• 14:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was still running the fire.
• 14:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: The operation, he had a fatted cast to kill.
• 14:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: So we have to kind of make this decision to I am going to move on with my life.
• 14:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: and stay active in prayer for your loved one that we may have heard.
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: We all heard each other, and stay active in prayer for yourself, but the Lord will heal those places in you that you feel like may not have any possibility for healing because that is a sound bite from a snake that is not true.
• 14:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what do you think the consequences are of hoarding this
• 14:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, in a mom with adult children, I think it probably looks like a little bit of distance in your relationship, probably a little bit of discomfort on their side, because I know the mom, it's not my own mom, but a mom in my orbit shall we say, who constantly apologize to her adult children for her shortcomings, and it kind of made them not want to come around.
• 15:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I think it can create a little bit of distance and I think the best thing we can give our adult children is we're constantly, hopefully we're constantly growing.
• 15:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the best thing that we can give our adult children is humility, a scared of humbleness and that, hey, that thing I did back then, I probably wouldn't have done it that way today.
• 15:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like you said a minute ago, I'm really sorry
• 15:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because I want to always be growing, right?
• 15:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: So tell us a little bit about what emotional hoarding looks like, because it's not just... We obviously know we're not just dealing with guilt and regret.
• 15:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Mama, if your house feels too quiet and your heart feels too heavy after launching your child, I've created a guide just for you.
• 16:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's called journaling through a transitional grief.
• 16:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: A gentle, faith-filled resource to help you process the deep of motions of letting go.
• 16:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Inside, you'll find six reflection questions that will help you name your feelings, invite God into the grief and experience his comfort in the middle of change.
• 16:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Remember, transitional grief is only a season and God is leading you toward peace, purpose, and joy.
• 16:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can grab your free copy at the link in the show notes.
• 16:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: What?
• 16:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so curious about your take on this.
• 16:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm going to ask because emotional hoarding is some of your listeners probably like what is that?
• 16:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: We all talk about emotional baggage, right?
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And loosely I'll say that's unresolved emotions or emotional issues, difficulties, stemming from any variety of places, but usually hard places, right?
• 16:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: So my, I guess my kind of thesis for the book is we don't actually have an emotional baggage problem.
• 17:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: because you can set back and down and walk away.
• 17:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of this stuff we hold on to with no intention of letting go, and that
• 17:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: That flips into kind of a hoarding mindset.
• 17:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: If any of your listeners' viewers have seen the inside of a hoarded home, or even have just watched the cable show, you know that entire rooms stop functioning according to their purpose.
• 17:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's where our hearts, if we, Pamela, we use the language of this, we hold on to grudges.
• 17:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's a nice way of saying we're bitter.
• 17:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: We talked about being buried under a mountain of regrets surrounded by shame.
• 17:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: This holding on without really an intention of letting go because sometimes,
• 17:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: We want to hold on.
• 17:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: We like how that grudge feels.
• 17:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we don't know that we can let go.
• 18:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we don't think we should, and for the purposes of today's conversation, that can really come in with regret especially.
• 18:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I just hold on to that regret, I won't repeat that mistake, but that's not freedom.
• 18:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's bondage driven kind of hope for behavior change and God offers such a better way.
• 18:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 18:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: So let's talk about that.
• 18:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: How do we find freedom from regret and guilt?
• 18:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 18:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think the path for both of these is coming to an understanding of what God's grace really is because it's not just a him that we sing about in church on Sunday or the we sing a verse about it and then it's fixed by the chorus.
• 18:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think coming to an understanding of what grace really means.
• 18:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: in our lives and believing it.
• 18:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think we can't just hold grace out there as something that's great for salvation.
• 18:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's great for everyday life, we need it.
• 19:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think that the key honestly for both of them.
• 19:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: How can a mom practically apply grace to herself?
• 19:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Does that look like soaking in the word?
• 19:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Does it look like prayer?
• 19:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Does it look like confession?
• 19:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: What does it look like?
• 19:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: all of the above.
• 19:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're naming spiritual disciplines.
• 19:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: These are things that Jesus did.
• 19:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: All of them except Confession if he didn't have to confess.
• 19:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, spiritual disciplines can bring us to a greater understanding of what God's grace is, but honestly, I mean, say a first practical step would be to just relinquish to really let grace in.
• 19:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think we have to relinquish a little bit of
• 19:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'll open the end of thing.
• 19:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and this is why it's you for moms.
• 19:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: It just is.
• 19:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why do you think that is?
• 19:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because we were in that role our whole lives where we were responsible.
• 19:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was our job to train, to teach, to build up and then make sure they were safe.
• 20:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now we're in this role in this season of life we're invited to this more supportive role where we relinquish control.
• 20:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: We open our forms when we say, they're yours.
• 20:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when a mom doesn't do that,
• 20:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, you just said something that made my brain just blow up.
• 20:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: God, they're yours.
• 20:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: But also, I think the practical thing that you're asking for here is, God, I'm yours.
• 20:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm yours.
• 20:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Such as I am, with all the mistakes I've made.
• 20:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because you love me perfectly, beautifully, wonderfully, transformatively.
• 20:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think sometimes we have a hard time as moms,
• 20:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: There is no risk, it is a zero risk thing, to go before God and say, man, there's some things I wish I would have done differently.
• 20:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can confess our regrets, our areas where we feel guilty to him, start a conversation with him about it.
• 21:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've been in Lou lately and in Luke 18 or maybe 19.
• 21:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus encounters the blind beggar on his way into Jericho.
• 21:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And one of the most precious things about that story to me is Jesus commands that the blind man be brought near.
• 21:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now he could hear him, so they were in your shot.
• 21:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was an intimacy thing with a proximity thing, bring him here.
• 21:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then the next line is, as he drew near or as he got closer, whatever the line is, that there's, it's bring him close and then here we are getting close.
• 21:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then Jesus says to him,
• 21:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I wonder if your mom is, or any of us, when's the last time we sat before Jesus like he was need and need with us and said, here's what I'd like for you to do for me, set me free from every gratitude, because I want to move forward in the rest of my life with however many days you've given me with victory and joy
• 22:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to live it more than a conqueror.
• 22:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to be and do everything that makes the gospel good.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I can't do that if I'm stuck in this centrifuge of regret and guilt.
• 22:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that.
• 22:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's so beautiful.
• 22:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just humbly coming before God.
• 22:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: The God who loves you so much.
• 22:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Who, how do he knows?
• 22:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: He knows your past.
• 22:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: He knows your history.
• 22:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he doesn't know.
• 22:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's why it's zero risk.
• 22:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 22:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 22:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and when thinking about the mama today who has tuned in and is spiraling in regret and guilt, what is her first today?
• 22:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, her first step, I think, is to ask that question.
• 22:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Did I sin?
• 22:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because your path out is going to be different based on your answer.
• 23:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you feel regret because you're sinned,
• 23:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: have you gone before God and acknowledged God, I send against you.
• 23:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I put your son on the cross.
• 23:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's one thing to repair with people, but the second Corinthians passage that talks about Godly sorrow and worldly sorrow, Godly sorrow is the only thing that leads to a life without regret in the context of sin.
• 23:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I think,
• 23:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a fork in the road, right?
• 23:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: If the answer is yes, I send, then go to that second Corinthians seven passage.
• 23:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's Paul who wrote it.
• 23:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: The one who should have could have spent his entire life languishing in regret.
• 23:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: So how sweet is that God enabled him to write the words that can set us free from regret?
• 23:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: If the answer is no, I didn't send.
• 23:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then I think my first step would be, I need to start gaining a better understanding of what God's grace really is.
• 24:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because in order to receive it, I need to know fully what it is that he wants to offer.
• 24:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Same thing with guilt.
• 24:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're guilty,
• 24:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: God doesn't hide the ball.
• 24:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a way, there's a path out of our guilt.
• 24:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Basically in a nutshell, it involves confessing your sin to him, repenting, turning around and going the other way, and making things right with others.
• 24:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then again, if the answer to the guilt question is no, I'm not guilty.
• 24:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then again, it's letting grace in, but with guilt especially,
• 24:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have an enemy who has the audacity to stand before God and accuse the brethren, the brothers and sisters, night and day.
• 24:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: So all he does is accuse us.
• 24:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you feel false guilt all the time in a way,
• 24:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: you're kind of letting the enemy games some territory that does not belong to him.
• 25:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I would say battle up, put the armor on, understand that we're in a battle when we're in this life.
• 25:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're in a battle for our kids.
• 25:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're in a spiritual battle in realms we can't see.
• 25:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like for the falsely guilty mom, today could be the day.
• 25:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: The enemy has taken enough.
• 25:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that so much.
• 25:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Ask yourself the question, is it sin, and if it is, then deal with it?
• 25:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: But if it's name, then apply the grace that is already there, lavished, available.
• 25:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: You just got to lift your eyes through it.
• 25:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, Paul talked about it being poured from a picture.
• 25:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's incredible.
• 25:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're sloshing in it.
• 25:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if it's being poured, my friend Ali pointed out once, if it's being poured, someone's
• 25:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's the God who loves us.
• 25:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: We don't have to get stuck in guilt and regret anymore.
• 25:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love this.
• 25:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for joining us today, Lori.
• 26:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would love it if you could tell my listeners where they can grab your book and find you on her.
• 26:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, emotional hoarding is you can find it at amazon.com.
• 26:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's in Barnes and Noble stores or Barnes and Noble.com.
• 26:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think it's at target.com.
• 26:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: So basically, wherever books are sold, and you can find me online at lorydavies.com.
• 26:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to tell your mom's about a resource I created.
• 26:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a five-day
• 26:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: morning and evening devotional, free download.
• 26:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'd love to send it to you.
• 26:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just go to my site to get it, Lori Davies.com.
• 26:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: You just join my email community and I'll send it out to you.
• 26:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it basically deals with things like insecurity, exhaustion.
• 26:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wonder how many moms are age or exhausted, Pam, but jealousy, some of the emotions that are really clearly addressed
• 27:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, that was a real labor of love so yeah, that's how you can find me and I'm an Instagram at Lori Davies author
• 27:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: awesome.
• 27:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I will leave all those links in the show notes.
• 27:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Friend, if you've been carrying around old regrets, I hope today's conversation reminded you that you were never intended to live that way.
• 27:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: You are covered by his grace.
• 27:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You may not be able to change the past, but you can surrender it to the one who redeems all things.
• 27:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Here's your coaching tip for the week.
• 27:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: In each episode, I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
• 27:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Remember, you can't
• 27:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: but you can take one step to be better.
• 27:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: So this week, I want you to carve out a little quiet time with God and ask yourself this question, what is one street grant or false guilt that I can surrender to God today?
• 27:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then, literally do it, open your hands and say, God, again, this to you, I'm not going to carry it anymore.
• 27:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love how Lori talked about the beauty of God's grace being applied to our lives.
• 28:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is such a powerful picture for those of us who have been dragging old hurts and mistakes into a season where God is inviting us to walk and freedom.
• 28:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Be sure to grab a copy of emotional hoarding by Laurie Davis and I know it'll encourage you as you learn to let go of what no longer belongs in your heart.
• 28:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: If him this episode encouraged you, would you share it with a friend?
• 28:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: So many moms need this reminder today.
• 28:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Until next time, Grace and Peace Mama, you've got this and God's got you.
• 28:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama podcast.
• 28:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: My hope is that you leave each episode feeling encouraged.
• 28:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Grounded and clearer.
• 28:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Clearer about what you're feeling, what God may be stirring in you, and how to move forward in the season of the empty nest.
• 28:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Through these conversations, I'm not just sharing stories, I'm coaching you.
• 28:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Helping you name what's happening beneath the service, challenging the thoughts that keep you stuck and take intentional steps toward peace and confidence as a midlife mom.
• 29:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're ready to go deeper and want personalized coaching support, I invite you to apply for coaching.
• 29:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Coaching is a focused one-on-one space where we work together to gain clarity, process emotions, and discern what God is calling you to in this next chapter.
• 29:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You'll find the application linked in the show notes, and let's stay connected.
• 29:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can find me on Instagram at P-Hinglman, that's P-H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N, or on Facebook at Pamela Hinglman, M-T-N-S-Coach.
• 29:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to figure out the season alone, mama.
• 29:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Support and direction are possible, and I'm here when you're ready.