Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / Jeff's Real Dad - Episode 44

Transcript

Jeff's Real Dad - Episode 44 · The Steve & Jeff Show

0:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, hey everybody.
0:05
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to yet another exciting episode of the Steve and Jeff Show.
0:09
SPEAKER_01: I'm Steve.
0:09
SPEAKER_01: And I'm Jeff.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: How's it going, Steve?
0:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh, Jeff, Jeff.
0:12
SPEAKER_01: It is going so well.
0:14
SPEAKER_01: And Jeff, I am so excited to tell you, yo, we've been on a search with Tippi.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: Tippy's been out beating the bushes and bushing the beats.
0:22
SPEAKER_01: I don't even know what that means, but you know, she's been out doing that.
0:25
SPEAKER_01: And she's been looking, looking for guests, looking for the right guest.
0:29
SPEAKER_01: And I think you know who I mean when I say the right guest.
0:32
SPEAKER_01: Wait, is it my dad?
0:33
SPEAKER_01: Jeff, the long search is over.
0:36
SPEAKER_01: Tippy located your dad, and he is on tonight's show.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: He's now they're zooming in.
0:42
SPEAKER_01: He couldn't, he couldn't be here live because you know he's had a couple of issues.
0:46
SPEAKER_03: He's got the ankle, ankle bracelets and stuff.
0:48
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I know.
0:49
SPEAKER_03: It's a you know, I mess up all the all the electronic stuff.
0:51
SPEAKER_01: It's kind of pretty non-forgiving, you know.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: So but he couldn't be here live, but buddies they're zooming in, he's zooming in, he's bringing his lawyer, zooming in with the lawyer.
1:00
SPEAKER_01: And Jeff, I am just so excited because we are going to finally talk to your father.
1:06
SPEAKER_01: This is going to take you back to your roots, your origin, your start, your genesis, your Emerson Lincoln Palmer.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: It's going to take you back to all those things.
1:15
SPEAKER_03: Well, Steve, it already does because when you just the phrase, I can't be here in person, but I'm here.
1:22
SPEAKER_03: I buy it a nickel for every time I think my dad said that.
1:25
SPEAKER_01: Classic Jerry.
1:27
SPEAKER_01: It's Jerry.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: Classic Jerry.
1:29
SPEAKER_01: I could ask him about all those times where you're you know knocking back scotch together.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: You know, he was I'll tell you, I probably owe him a few drinks now that I'm able to like buy liquor legally.
1:39
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
1:40
SPEAKER_03: You were how old were you back then?
1:42
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I was in high school.
1:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was somewhere junior high, high school, something like that.
1:46
SPEAKER_01: It's so you were old enough taste.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, oh yeah.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: Well, I was old enough to do what you were doing.
1:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
1:50
SPEAKER_01: I just couldn't buy it, but I could drink it.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
1:52
SPEAKER_03: You could be you could be married in uh like Tennessee.
1:55
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:55
SPEAKER_01: Well, I was but I but I digress.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: That's probably we'll put it on another show.
2:00
SPEAKER_01: We'll do that on a different show, Jeff.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: I you know, that was it, it didn't end well.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: Well, Tippy did have to threaten him, but guess it's voluntary.
2:14
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I a restraining order doesn't really take away your voluntary activity, you know what I mean?
2:20
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's voluntary.
2:21
SPEAKER_01: I would call that voluntary.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: I think he's here because he wants to be here, Jeff.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: He wants to see you, he wants to rejoin his family.
2:29
SPEAKER_01: He's ready, he's paid his debt to society, Jeff, and he wants to get back with his family.
2:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm cracking myself.
2:35
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna I'm gonna start crying.
2:37
SPEAKER_01: This is so touching.
2:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, yeah.
2:40
SPEAKER_01: Well, we'll talk about that later.
2:41
SPEAKER_01: I've been I've been doing that too, but oh, this is such oh, I am too.
2:44
SPEAKER_03: I am too, and here we are, gibber jabbering, wasting time where I could be bonding with my father.
2:51
SPEAKER_03: I can't believe I'm even saying this at this point in my life that I'm I'm gonna bond and talk to my father.
2:57
SPEAKER_03: Should we bring him on?
2:58
SPEAKER_01: Or no, it's never too late, Jeff.
3:00
SPEAKER_01: Never too late.
3:00
SPEAKER_01: Now they're not here in the studio with us, but so I I'll if I tap the glass, nothing's there, right?
3:08
SPEAKER_01: You don't see anybody over there.
3:09
SPEAKER_01: We'll have to get them on the computer here.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: They're on the zoom.
3:12
SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
3:12
SPEAKER_03: Okay, they just who's day well, it's the cellmate or it's your dad.
3:16
SPEAKER_01: No, no, he's bringing his lawyer.
3:18
SPEAKER_01: He's bringing his lawyer, and let's get the they turn on the camera.
3:21
SPEAKER_01: Oh boy, his same old chair.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: His lawyer looks familiar.
3:25
SPEAKER_01: Hello again, gentlemen.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I know her.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she had the comedian, yeah.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: Tommy, Tommy, yeah.
3:32
SPEAKER_01: What was your name?
3:33
SPEAKER_01: Britney May?
3:34
SPEAKER_01: Brittany Mae.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: No, it's not the king.
3:36
SPEAKER_01: Brittany May, Brittany May.
3:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: Hi, Brittany.
3:39
SPEAKER_00: Hello again, gentlemen.
3:41
SPEAKER_04: Oh, good to see you.
3:42
SPEAKER_04: Son Jerry.
3:44
SPEAKER_04: Is that you?
3:45
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, dad.
3:48
SPEAKER_04: It has been like years, son.
3:51
SPEAKER_04: How have you been?
3:52
SPEAKER_03: Oh you know what I cry?
3:54
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna cry.
3:54
SPEAKER_03: I'm in heaven.
3:55
SPEAKER_03: When you said light years, I just choked up because I remember that was something you used to say when I was a little kid.
4:03
SPEAKER_04: Yes, yes.
4:04
SPEAKER_03: Or was it light up?
4:06
SPEAKER_01: I think it was light yours.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: Light yours is what he meant.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: And I I thought that's what he said just now.
4:12
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, how are you doing?
4:14
SPEAKER_03: What what have you been doing?
4:15
SPEAKER_04: I'll I'll backtrack a little bit, son.
4:18
SPEAKER_04: So I spent a little time inside, and uh thankfully I found a really good lawyer to to help me move things in the right direction.
4:25
SPEAKER_04: I turned around a long time ago, and during my time, when most people do time, they uh they do a lot of push-ups.
4:31
SPEAKER_04: Well, um it's genetic that we're aren't tech savvy, but I I learned quite a bit about technology during my reading because I just wasn't physically fit enough to uh lift weights on the yard, as they say.
4:42
SPEAKER_03: But you have strong abs now?
4:44
SPEAKER_03: Because I dad, I don't have strong abs.
4:46
SPEAKER_03: I hope I'm not gonna disappoint you.
4:48
SPEAKER_04: It's not in a it's not an ojine pool stuff.
4:50
SPEAKER_03: Okay, because oh yeah, you know, strip and show you.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: I could I never I never picked you know any of the sharps for like strong abs, you know, and it just doesn't, yeah.
4:58
SPEAKER_01: I don't I don't see that happening.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: But Jerry, it is so good.
5:01
SPEAKER_01: It is so good to see you again.
5:03
SPEAKER_01: I mean, if a bunch of years have passed, but that's I'd know him anywhere.
5:06
SPEAKER_01: That's old Jerry.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: And Jerry, I I just gotta thank you for all those great afternoons when I'd come over and Jeff wasn't home.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: He said, I come on in anyway.
5:14
SPEAKER_01: And we we said we'd drink scotch all afternoon, Jerry.
5:17
SPEAKER_01: Those were great times.
5:18
SPEAKER_04: Those were great times.
5:20
SPEAKER_03: You were such a good guy, dad.
5:22
SPEAKER_03: You know, very popular in the neighborhood.
5:24
SPEAKER_03: You had a lot of young guys come over and drink with you, and that you know, that was great.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: Yes, and so that's part of why we're using this opportunity to get ourselves in the media.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you've been following the headlines about your father.
5:41
SPEAKER_03: No, which what what headlines?
5:44
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you know, just the Associated Press, CBS, NBC, most of the major American networks, Al Jazeera baby.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: Your father, Jerry, is also known as Pastor Jerry Starfire.
6:00
SPEAKER_03: That's right.
6:00
SPEAKER_03: I do know that.
6:02
SPEAKER_03: Pastor Jerry.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: And he as you know he's been part of the the pastor of the first universal church of the Milky Way galaxy.
6:11
SPEAKER_00: Is that right?
6:12
SPEAKER_04: Yes, yes, hallelujah, all those good things.
6:16
SPEAKER_04: Because we accept all things and all people at the first universal church of the Milky Way Galaxy, where I am the pastor.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: Wow, in Milky Way Galaxy.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: Now, do you have like candy bars at church?
6:28
SPEAKER_04: We have candy bars, we have convenience stores, we have beverages, alcoholic and alcoholic.
6:34
SPEAKER_04: Because once again, we accept any and all things.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: And that's part of the problem, too.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: His church's motto is we don't receive funds unless you do.
6:45
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm sorry, I've just kind of been I have just been into this case because, as you know, Tommy's been replacing me with artificial intelligence, so I've now opened up a high-profile criminal law practice.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm just reading from the affidavit of probable cause here.
7:06
SPEAKER_00: Were you, Pastor Jerry?
7:08
SPEAKER_00: Were you asking people to tithe 10% of their income to your Milky Way galaxy church?
7:16
SPEAKER_04: In return for my church's latest cryptocurrency, which is church coin, where you will receive$200,000 worth of church coin once we receive your tithe.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: He's currently paying charges for fire fraud.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: We're going to beat them, right?
7:31
SPEAKER_04: My universe does not abide by the laws of this planet.
7:33
SPEAKER_01: You know, I think that's how he wound up in Jolie Ed, Jeff.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: I think that's how it happened.
7:39
SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, a couple thoughts here.
7:40
SPEAKER_03: First of all, Dad, if you remember, um, we we had a Jewish family.
7:45
SPEAKER_03: So the question is, the Mars galaxy, is it in the Jewish neighborhood of the Mars gallery galaxy?
7:51
SPEAKER_01: Is it I think Mars shortened his name for Mars?
7:54
SPEAKER_01: Marzowitz, you know, I think it is Jewish, yeah.
7:56
SPEAKER_01: Because that would be Venus is not Jewish, no.
7:59
SPEAKER_03: Mars, I wish you would have called me because I could have really helped you if you would change the name from church to temple or sin short for synagogue, sin coins.
8:10
SPEAKER_03: It seems to me it's more of a marketing issue than a criminal one, but that's my thought because yeah, I love my dad.
8:15
SPEAKER_04: So on your your trip off the old block, I um actually going to launch those coins next week.
8:20
SPEAKER_04: Oh, good.
8:21
SPEAKER_03: God, it's like you never left, actually.
8:23
SPEAKER_03: It's kind of like you were never there, but still it's it feels like what it would look like if you never left.
8:30
SPEAKER_04: The universe all around us at all times.
8:34
SPEAKER_01: And he's always been there where in the universe, you know.
8:37
SPEAKER_03: But not been there, not in the universe in in pain.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: That may be like your universe, but not in the universe, you know.
8:44
SPEAKER_03: Well, any universe is my is a friend of mine.
8:47
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, well, there you go.
8:49
SPEAKER_01: There you go.
8:49
SPEAKER_01: I think I think you're a natural for his church.
8:51
SPEAKER_03: A question for your attorney here.
8:53
SPEAKER_03: What kind of case are you building?
8:55
SPEAKER_03: And are you are you on because you want our help in this?
8:59
SPEAKER_00: No, we just just want to, you know, there's a lot of maligning going on in the media, making Pastor Jerry look like a scammer, taking advantage of wayward people in search of meaning and community.
9:15
SPEAKER_00: That's what they're saying.
9:16
SPEAKER_00: You know, they're comparing him to the likes of Jim Baker, Tammy Faye Baker, all these little evangelists that also faced charges and convictions for uh had I think back in the day, didn't they promise uh, you know, you mail us some money, we'll help you get into heaven.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, you could buy your way in.
9:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: So our federal government's taking umbrage with people tithing their income to the Milky Way Galaxy Church.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure I'm mangling the name, Pastor.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
9:50
SPEAKER_04: All is forgiven in this universe.
9:52
SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
9:53
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
9:53
SPEAKER_04: He's so perfect.
9:55
SPEAKER_03: Oh, this is good.
9:56
SPEAKER_03: Steve, check out my dad.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: Pretty cool, huh?
9:59
SPEAKER_01: That's pretty cool.
9:59
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, this is I just want you to know if you want our help, but Pastor Jerry was with me when it happened.
10:06
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what it is that happened, but whatever it was, he was with me.
10:10
SPEAKER_03: He was not there.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: And let me just tell you, Pastor Jerry, he's accused of misleading people.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: Pastor Jerry was always there for wayward people like me who in junior high couldn't get enough scotch, and he was there and he gave me the scotch.
10:24
SPEAKER_04: Right this helps all in many ways.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's not really helpful.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: So maybe we could talk about Jerry and uh the wholesome things you did in uh where was it from Peoria that you're from?
10:37
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I didn't know there.
10:39
SPEAKER_03: Wait, is that where you were, Dad?
10:41
SPEAKER_03: You were in Peoria?
10:42
SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes.
10:43
SPEAKER_03: Wow, that's a small world.
10:45
SPEAKER_01: Steve, you're from Peoria, right?
10:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: Originally I was born in Peoria, yeah.
10:49
SPEAKER_03: Wow, that was such a coincidence.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: Were you in Peoria like a long time ago?
10:54
SPEAKER_04: Yes, yes, it was quite quite a long time ago.
10:57
SPEAKER_04: Barely remember those days.
10:59
SPEAKER_03: Were you there a long time, or was it just a brief period, or I was in and out.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: That sounds like Jerry, yeah.
11:06
SPEAKER_03: Did you leave Peoria and go?
11:08
SPEAKER_03: Is that when you came back to Champagne?
11:11
SPEAKER_03: Because I don't remember you coming back.
11:12
SPEAKER_03: I know you were there maybe before Peoria, but then you left, and I don't remember what happened to you after that.
11:18
SPEAKER_04: Yes, part of my journey when I was way lost, hopeless, and aimless, I would break into cars.
11:24
SPEAKER_04: Back then, the former governing body, which was not the universe of the Milky Way galaxy.
11:30
SPEAKER_04: I I got in trouble over and over again, and I had to go away for a while.
11:34
SPEAKER_04: But I'm back now.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh, and Steve and Jerry back then, the cars were so cool to break into.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: You remember the old GTOs or the Dodge Barracudas?
11:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it might have been a pleasure to break into those.
11:46
SPEAKER_03: Well, and didn't you tell me, Steve, that your car was broken into?
11:50
SPEAKER_03: What was your mom's your mom's car?
11:51
SPEAKER_03: Oh, my mom was broken into.
11:53
SPEAKER_03: I I remember when that happened.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: You got me thinking, oh gosh, my mom.
11:57
SPEAKER_01: My mom had this Impala that just has such beautiful hips.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, it was so good.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: I used to go out with that car.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know, I'd go out in the car.
12:06
SPEAKER_01: The car and I would go places and well, but but I digress, but oh, what a beautiful car.
12:11
SPEAKER_03: Oh I thought that you had told me that when you were very young, that somebody had broken into one of your cars.
12:18
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
12:19
SPEAKER_01: And uh stole my mom's cigarettes.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, she was she was well again.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: I'd just like to use this opportunity to uh talk about the uh rather than the allegations and pending charges against uh Pastor Jerry, regale us, please.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: About break let your son know about all the good things you've been doing as a pastor in your church.
12:42
SPEAKER_04: Yes, there are many people that are lost, and most of those people are lost financially.
12:47
SPEAKER_04: Here at the first universal church of the Milky Way Galaxy, we secure your funds in a very equitable way.
12:54
SPEAKER_04: A simple tithe of 10%, you will receive$200,000 in church coin.
13:00
SPEAKER_04: Wow, it's everywhere that church coin is accepted.
13:05
SPEAKER_01: So if I give you 10% of my income, whatever that whatever it is, let's say I only make 20 grand.
13:10
SPEAKER_01: So I give you two grand.
13:12
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I get two hundred thousand dollars.
13:15
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
13:16
SPEAKER_00: But that's again another part of why they're you know maligning him in the media is because of just all of this uh scandals surrounding cryptocurrency and how it's just been a bust.
13:29
SPEAKER_04: We are not just a cryptocurrency, isn't it bad for the environment?
13:33
SPEAKER_04: We are a religion, and no other religion gives you$200,000 upon entry.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: It's a spiritual cryptocurrency, it's a cryptocurrency that goes beyond the physical, beyond the crypto.
13:45
SPEAKER_04: Just three of our members bought Lamborghinis last week.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: Wow, and see that's another problem is that they are now also involved, and I haven't been retained to represent them either, but I believe those Lamborghinis were purchased off the dark web.
14:00
SPEAKER_04: The universe accepts all purchases.
14:02
SPEAKER_00: Okay, but then you had another follower that used the church coin too high or a hitman.
14:07
SPEAKER_04: Church coin can be used wherever church coin is accepted.
14:10
SPEAKER_03: You tell them Rabbi Jerry.
14:12
SPEAKER_03: Sorry, from my standpoint, I still see Rabbi Jerry as opposed to Pastor Jerry, but uh Rabbi Jerry.
14:19
SPEAKER_03: I am a teacher, yes.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: It's remarkable, really.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's part of the narrative that we ought to bring up.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: So often what people, when you know they are on the inside, especially in the American prison system, people convert to Islam.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: But here we have a story of a man who converted to some sort of space church who had the spiritual insight to start his own church.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: Wow, Jerry.
14:51
SPEAKER_04: And every law books law, and the universe accepts all laws.
14:55
SPEAKER_04: That was my only conclusion.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: I'd never thought you'd found your own religion.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: I just it never occurred to me, but here we are.
15:01
SPEAKER_01: My goodness.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: Part of this church is also being maligned in the media as being uh culturally relativist and just promoting hedonism, but that's not true, right, Pastor Jerry?
15:14
SPEAKER_00: Like there are certain things that are just like clear, universal ethical rights and wrongs, right?
15:19
SPEAKER_04: I will tell you the number one policy at our church.
15:23
SPEAKER_04: It's a very simple no matter your former religion's hat or your next religion's hat, you can wear all hats in our temple, our synagogue, our churches, and other places of worship that can be known as coffee shops.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
15:38
SPEAKER_01: Jeff, I think it's his Jewish background.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: They they wear hats at church.
15:42
SPEAKER_01: Look at that.
15:42
SPEAKER_04: I mean that that's the members wears a cowboy hat and a turban every Wednesday.
15:49
SPEAKER_03: Impressive.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: That sounds like a wild church, man.
15:52
SPEAKER_01: I got to visit that place.
15:54
SPEAKER_01: Hey Jeff, maybe they'll maybe they'll sponsor, maybe they'll be a sponsor, Jeff.
15:57
SPEAKER_04: What do you think?
15:58
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
15:59
SPEAKER_04: That'd be great.
16:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh you're awesome.
16:10
SPEAKER_01: Jerry, I owe you a case of scotch now.
16:13
SPEAKER_01: That's beautiful.
16:14
SPEAKER_03: So you guys are on uh just for the audience so they know, you guys are on the computer, right?
16:19
SPEAKER_03: And so we're looking at you.
16:21
SPEAKER_03: What is that called?
16:21
SPEAKER_03: Boom or zoom or doom or whatever.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: You know, we're kind of I think it's called room because there's no room.
16:27
SPEAKER_03: We're we'll see you through room, yeah.
16:29
SPEAKER_03: And Steve, I'm looking at him, dad, and I look at you, and there's some similarities there.
16:37
SPEAKER_03: And I'm just I it's weird because you're side by side, and I can kind of see that.
16:42
SPEAKER_03: But but on the other hand, I've always been told that I was a chip off the old block and that I look, you know, that I was like dad.
16:48
SPEAKER_03: So I don't know.
16:49
SPEAKER_03: Is it just like my match?
16:50
SPEAKER_01: Just like two quick thoughts on that.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: Number one, hey, we're all old, all old people kind of look start to look alike, you know what I mean?
16:58
SPEAKER_01: So there's that.
16:59
SPEAKER_01: And number two, Jerry and I are both from Illinois.
17:02
SPEAKER_01: People from Illinois all look the same.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: You're exactly look like Illinois, right?
17:06
SPEAKER_01: I mean, come on.
17:07
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, totally, right?
17:08
SPEAKER_03: Apologies for getting us off track.
17:10
SPEAKER_03: We were talking about what Jew coins?
17:13
SPEAKER_03: What is this?
17:13
SPEAKER_03: What kind of coins are these?
17:15
SPEAKER_03: These are church coins.
17:16
SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay, church coins.
17:17
SPEAKER_01: Okay, we've got a whole lot more to talk about with your dad here, but uh Jeff, I gotta tell you, we have a repeat sponsor.
17:26
SPEAKER_01: Wow, and I didn't necessarily plan this, but this is the perfect sponsor for the show with your dad, Pastor Jerry or Rabbi Jerry, or uh whatever hat hat wearing jerry.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: Whatever.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: Hat wearing Jerry.
17:40
SPEAKER_01: Well uh this is the this is the perfect commercial.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: You're going to remember this with a show that we just turned over to the sponsors, basically.
17:49
SPEAKER_01: We um played this and it was one of your favorites.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: And Jeff, I think, Jerry, I think you're gonna like this one too.
17:55
SPEAKER_01: So why don't we uh I hope you'll like it, Dad.
17:58
SPEAKER_03: I'm nervous now, everything we do that dad will like this.
18:00
SPEAKER_03: So I'm crossing my fingers.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: I think you will.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: Let's just let's let's play it.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: Friend, as a person of faith, are you tired of being told that your natural impulse to touch yourself is a sin?
18:12
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18:15
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18:23
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18:27
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18:32
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18:39
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19:04
SPEAKER_04: God, I love that commercial.
19:06
SPEAKER_04: Dad, what'd you think?
19:07
SPEAKER_04: The universe loves all commercials, especially that.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: Oh, Jerry.
19:11
SPEAKER_01: And from a pastor from a rabbinic pastor.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: Look at this guy.
19:15
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
19:16
SPEAKER_01: That's an endorsement, Jeff.
19:17
SPEAKER_01: That's that's practically an endorsement from you know you know.
19:22
SPEAKER_03: That is that's pretty the other podcast guy.
19:24
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, you know, that MMA guy big podcast guy in the sky.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: That's what I meant.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: Not not again.
19:31
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but well, I thought that was great.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: But we digress.
19:34
SPEAKER_01: But I want to hear more about your church, but maybe tell us a little bit about you know what you've been doing all these years.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: Because last I saw you, I think I was probably uh driving around in my mom's impala and you know, drove drove a little drunk after we after we got together, but yeah, you know, haven't seen you in a bunch of years.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: Guess you've been around Illinois, right?
19:53
SPEAKER_04: Yes, I've been in and out of Illinois, Texas, Washington, DC, Washington State, New Jersey twice, New York, Maine, Michigan, Michigan again.
20:05
SPEAKER_04: Because you can leave Michigan and then go to Michigan.
20:08
SPEAKER_04: Right, yeah, yeah.
20:10
SPEAKER_04: I've traveled the whole world in the entire universe.
20:14
SPEAKER_04: Oh man.
20:15
SPEAKER_04: And I'm here to actually uh share some some other news with you all.
20:19
SPEAKER_04: Really?
20:20
SPEAKER_04: Uh I have really one retainer for the other legal matters.
20:24
SPEAKER_04: Uh, but she's got two DNA tests here and uh some pretty interesting results.
20:30
SPEAKER_03: Uh wait is wait a minute.
20:33
SPEAKER_03: A DNA Brittany, are you related to us?
20:36
SPEAKER_03: Is that what these DNA tests are showing?
20:38
SPEAKER_03: Because I'm okay with that.
20:40
SPEAKER_00: He literally just told me to pick up the mail, and I've got these envelopes here.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
20:48
SPEAKER_04: Oh, oh so this is kind of mysterious.
20:52
SPEAKER_04: My new game, my new name, Stargate.
20:54
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: Uh okay.
20:57
SPEAKER_01: Oh, so this is Stargate DNA, Jeff.
20:59
SPEAKER_01: Jeff, you are you are a star child.
21:03
SPEAKER_05: That's pretty exciting.
21:04
SPEAKER_03: I I I I can't wait to hear this, although I mean he's my dad, so yeah, I mean I'm not a doctor, and I don't really know how to interpret these, but they're from a Who's My Daddy lab.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: And who's my daddy.com.
21:23
SPEAKER_01: I've been there, yeah.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: No, me too.
21:25
SPEAKER_01: Everyone has.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: Listening uh results for a Stargate and a Sharf Jeff.
21:37
SPEAKER_03: That's me.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: And a Stargate and Alloy Steve.
21:45
SPEAKER_01: Whoa, so I have star genetics too?
21:49
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that must go back a long way.
21:51
SPEAKER_03: Like Ashkenazi juice.
21:53
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that goes back.
21:55
SPEAKER_04: One more one more star coin for you and you can we can do it.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
22:00
SPEAKER_04: Or do you have to deal with that Tommy guy who fired you?
22:02
SPEAKER_00: I don't really know the star coin to dollar conversion rate, but okay.
22:08
SPEAKER_04: Well open your crypto wallet, I will pay you immediately.
22:12
SPEAKER_00: I gotta still set that up.
22:15
SPEAKER_01: He was always generous, Jeff.
22:16
SPEAKER_01: He really was.
22:17
SPEAKER_01: Look at this guy.
22:18
SPEAKER_03: He was always a generous so uh so I just need to point this out.
22:22
SPEAKER_03: I I have taken the what is that called?
22:25
SPEAKER_03: The catch 22 genetic 22 and and me, 23 and me.
22:33
SPEAKER_03: It's like yeah, so I've taken it's fun because you you find out like you know, you have a little bit of Irish in you or whatever.
22:40
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, um, so is that uh dad what you were doing?
22:43
SPEAKER_03: Just you know, kind of checking out like where you came from and and that kind of stuff?
22:48
SPEAKER_03: More more so checking out where I've been.
22:51
SPEAKER_04: And as it turns out, Jeff, of course, as you know, I I am your father.
22:56
SPEAKER_04: And I do apologize for my favorite missed.
23:00
SPEAKER_04: Um Steve, I owe you an apology because ever since that scotch, at least one of those drunken nights I could have let you know that I was your father also.
23:09
SPEAKER_04: What?
23:10
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, the reason the impala's seat was moist usually was well, it's it's how you got here.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: And I thought that was me all this time because you know that car really kind of kind of got me excited.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: But now I'm wondering if the Incala's pregnant.
23:26
SPEAKER_01: It had a little Volkswagen, I think.
23:28
SPEAKER_01: You know, I don't know.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it did, but but your my dad?
23:32
SPEAKER_01: So that guy, that guy that's married to my mom who mows the lawn all the time.
23:37
SPEAKER_01: He's a loser.
23:38
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I yeah, oh I know that.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, yeah.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: All you gotta do is meet him.
23:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he's just like uh he's like a stand-in, he's like a dummy.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: He's like trash test dummy.
23:50
SPEAKER_04: More so a like a traffic co.
23:53
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, yeah.
23:55
SPEAKER_01: Just to keep others away from my mom, which you know, that didn't always work, by the way, but I digress, but but feel uh I sort of it's like it's a mixed bag.
24:05
SPEAKER_03: On one hand, I kind of wish you were just my dad, Pastor Jerry, because you know, I I feel like I I wanted to own you as my own.
24:14
SPEAKER_03: But the other part of me is like the other person I love more than anybody in the world is Steve.
24:20
SPEAKER_03: And I think that's right, Jeff.
24:22
SPEAKER_03: We might be related now, Steve, but I don't exactly understand what are we related or is well, Jeff, yeah, how that works.
24:31
SPEAKER_03: We have the same dad.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: I'd love for you to be my brother, so we're like half brothers, are we brothers?
24:36
SPEAKER_01: We're like half-brothers.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: Are we got different moms?
24:39
SPEAKER_01: Unless maybe oh now now, Jerry, don't tell me that my mom is his mom, too.
24:45
SPEAKER_01: That's two mom for one night, Jerry.
24:47
SPEAKER_04: From my recollection, no.
24:49
SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
24:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm assuming that it's right, and yeah, I have a new brother.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: I have two character witnesses for our defense.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't I would definitely be a character witness for my dad.
25:04
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
25:04
SPEAKER_03: And he was at he was at my bar mitzvah when that happened, whatever that was that happened.
25:09
SPEAKER_03: So he was with me.
25:11
SPEAKER_03: He he actually presided over the bar mitzvah, even though he wasn't a rabbi.
25:16
SPEAKER_03: So he was there.
25:16
SPEAKER_03: I saw him, everybody saw him, right?
25:18
SPEAKER_01: And and and when he did that other crime, uh, we were drinking scotch, and it was just us, so nobody else could testify.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: But I I will swear that he was there.
25:27
SPEAKER_03: So we're there for you, whatever you want us to say.
25:31
SPEAKER_04: I need you to join me in my mission to spread our church's message.
25:35
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I'd be glad to, Jerry.
25:37
SPEAKER_01: Dad, this is so cool, dad.
25:40
SPEAKER_01: This is great.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: I was drinking scotch with my dad.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's that's like tamer but cooler.
25:46
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
25:47
SPEAKER_00: Are we really trying to proselytize and get new followers?
25:52
SPEAKER_04: Open up, please.
25:54
SPEAKER_04: What?
25:56
SPEAKER_00: Hold on, what I'll talk with them.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: You guys continue the show.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: I will, I think that is a take these documents to the core.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: I will be back.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: You stay sure.
26:06
SPEAKER_04: Sons, I I desperately, desperately need your help.
26:10
SPEAKER_04: As you can see, they've they've they've tried to frame me for all types of crimes.
26:14
SPEAKER_04: I need your help to spread the message of our church.
26:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh dad, I'm in.
26:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm in.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: Let's do it.
26:20
SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
26:21
SPEAKER_03: I just flushed down all the all the drugs I had in the room when I heard the knock on the door.
26:25
SPEAKER_01: I well, I I heard the knock and I just I I ate all the stuff, so I might start freaking out in about 15-20 minutes.
26:32
SPEAKER_01: You know, if I do, just it's nothing.
26:34
SPEAKER_01: Uh no problem.
26:35
SPEAKER_00: About that, yes.
26:36
SPEAKER_00: Uh, Pastor Jerry, it's your parole officer given the allegations of you procuring alcohol to minors in the past.
26:46
SPEAKER_03: Not true.
26:46
SPEAKER_03: He was with Steve that whole time.
26:49
SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, minor child.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: He needs to uh pee in this cup, please.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: Jeff is a perfect example of how they're getting in the way of family relationships.
27:01
SPEAKER_01: My own dad wanted me to drink some scotch, and no, so big brother comes in and says, No, you can't let your son drink scotch, we're not gonna let you do that.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: Still in the hallway, Pastor Jerry.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I I can't believe I'm doing I go from Tommy Andrews and collecting specimen cups from his many women, and here I am again.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: Can you please, Pastor Jerry, do you mind peeing in this cup while we continue recording?
27:28
SPEAKER_04: Right in front of you, sure.
27:29
SPEAKER_04: Why not?
27:30
SPEAKER_04: Stand back.
27:31
SPEAKER_04: The universe has granted me great powers.
27:34
SPEAKER_00: You can no, you can you can use your hands to hold it.
27:37
SPEAKER_03: I'll just aren't you glad it's your dad.
27:39
SPEAKER_03: Gosh, I keep what a cool dad.
27:41
SPEAKER_03: We're not not gonna let no police get in the way of this family.
27:45
SPEAKER_01: We're a family, absolutely, and you know, Brittany, I want you to tell that Tommy artificial intelligence comic guy that there ain't nothing like the real thing.
27:55
SPEAKER_01: He should get a real lawyer like you.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: That's what I've been saying.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: It's like oh I digress.
28:05
SPEAKER_04: Sons, we we must act to spread this message.
28:10
SPEAKER_04: But put put put it back, put and what I am going to do is promote both of you immediately to ambassadors of the Milky Way galaxy.
28:19
SPEAKER_04: Oh, wow, ambassador!
28:21
SPEAKER_01: Wow, can I get some cool place like uh Capri or Monaco or something, you know, where it'd be kind of fun to hang out there.
28:28
SPEAKER_04: Skokie for me.
28:29
SPEAKER_04: You will start next mega church there tomorrow.
28:32
SPEAKER_04: I can.
28:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, I skoky megachurch.
28:36
SPEAKER_01: Wow, wow, you know, I think they tried that a few years ago and it didn't go over well.
28:41
SPEAKER_01: So I I don't know.
28:42
SPEAKER_01: I don't know, but I digress.
28:44
SPEAKER_01: But uh, I can be your ambassador, maybe I don't know, maybe in maybe in Omaha.
28:49
SPEAKER_00: Maybe we should play up the universal aspect of your church and uh the galactic aspect, maybe instead of building it as a mega church, you we could call it a uh spiritual planetarium.
29:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love going to the planetarium.
29:06
SPEAKER_01: Me too.
29:06
SPEAKER_01: You lay down in those chairs and you kind of doze off and you wake up and you see all the planets and stars.
29:11
SPEAKER_01: That's so cool.
29:12
SPEAKER_04: That's so cool.
29:13
SPEAKER_04: Approval of this name has been granted.
29:16
SPEAKER_02: Oh that was just thanks.
29:20
SPEAKER_01: So we're the universal planetarium.
29:22
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I like that.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: I like that.
29:24
SPEAKER_03: I just like the word ambassador.
29:26
SPEAKER_03: God, I've never been anything, Steve.
29:28
SPEAKER_03: Hey, we're ambassadors, Jeff.
29:30
SPEAKER_04: Wow.
29:31
SPEAKER_04: You're receiving salary of five church coins a week.
29:35
SPEAKER_00: Again, I don't know the conversion rate, and I don't know if we've had the assets seized, so please, that's all pending.
29:42
SPEAKER_00: I I don't I still haven't even been read been retained to manage these transactions he's been offering on the air, and I I don't so all of that's pending.
29:53
SPEAKER_01: Well, you know, though, the cool thing is about about church coin.
29:56
SPEAKER_01: If I understand church coin the way it works, even if all your assets were seized, you can still make more church coin.
30:03
SPEAKER_04: You just print it.
30:06
SPEAKER_04: Which is the entire universe.
30:09
SPEAKER_04: Wow, would you like to?
30:12
SPEAKER_03: And actually, Steve, I remember you saying when you just said making more church coin.
30:18
SPEAKER_03: For some reason, I remember dad using that term a lot too, which is I didn't at that point I didn't know what he was referring to, but yeah, it makes sense now, you know, these coins.
30:30
SPEAKER_01: So that's what he was doing down in the basement.
30:31
SPEAKER_01: He's making church coin, he's getting ready for the future, Jeff.
30:34
SPEAKER_01: You know, he's preparing, getting everything ready.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: The thing about making unless church coin, wouldn't that lead to insane inflation and then just diminish the value of the coin?
30:45
SPEAKER_03: The universe is always expecting, yeah, and I think it would be sane inflation.
30:52
SPEAKER_03: I don't I don't think there'd be anything insane about it.
30:54
SPEAKER_01: I don't and so and and you know, you know, though, I want experts, I want the amount of church coin in my hands to inflate, I want it to get bigger, inflation is bigger, and so inflate is good, it's a good term, it's a good thing.
31:07
SPEAKER_01: So it goes in my hand and and then it gets bigger when it's in my hand.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: Just like I'm not a doctor, I'm also not an economist, but I'm pretty sure that's not what inflation.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: I don't think the money puffs up.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: Oh, because it looks so it looks so nice if it was like a really big coin, you know?
31:26
SPEAKER_00: I don't think that's what it means.
31:28
SPEAKER_00: I think it just means that it's you know reduced in value, so you need more of it to be able to buy the hitman or sketchy server in Netherlands or whatever you people your followers, uh Pastor Jerry have been using uh church coin for.
31:44
SPEAKER_04: Many uses for church's church coin.
31:47
SPEAKER_04: Just last week uh single mother bought a minivan using only half of her church coin.
31:54
SPEAKER_04: The Cadillac Escalate, I believe the minivan was called.
31:58
SPEAKER_00: Wasn't it covered in gold stains?
32:00
SPEAKER_04: There were some complications, yes.
32:02
SPEAKER_04: Yes, yes, there were some complications.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: It might have been evidence that some the seller was trying.
32:09
SPEAKER_03: I paid for college through the church coin or coin.
32:13
SPEAKER_03: So yeah, so I'm I'm here to testify.
32:15
SPEAKER_03: If you if you want me to stay to talk about that, I I'm I'm with you.
32:19
SPEAKER_00: See, Brittany, I have good Jeff, with all due respect, but what school accepted Church Coin as tuition?
32:26
SPEAKER_01: It it was uh I think it was that universal university, wasn't it?
32:30
SPEAKER_01: Universal expansion university.
32:33
SPEAKER_03: Well, yeah, and and as you know, Steve, I went to Harvard Beauty School.
32:38
SPEAKER_03: You know, they accept it.
32:39
SPEAKER_01: You know, they teach you how to cut hair and do a crimson uh fingernails, yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:45
SPEAKER_03: And so so if Harvard accepts it, everybody accepts it.
32:50
SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm just saying it's top of the food chain.
32:53
SPEAKER_01: That was in the 1970s.
32:54
SPEAKER_01: I mean, when you said crypto coin, I mean they probably thought you were you know nuts.
32:59
SPEAKER_03: You know, I always felt like dad was so wise, like from other universes, yeah, you know, other times like a he was like a almost like you, Steve, like a time traveler kind of thing, you know.
33:12
SPEAKER_01: You hear him talk and and it's just and you know, Jerry, Pastor Jerry, I don't know, I don't know if you knew this or if maybe my mom told you, but I'm I'm actually from the future, and so I was apparently born when I was born, but it was actually in the future.
33:28
SPEAKER_04: Your mother and I have known your destiny many, many light years ago.
33:32
SPEAKER_04: So you have a very, very special mission.
33:35
SPEAKER_04: Steve, uh I need for you to tithe immediately.
33:38
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I'm in, Jerry, dad.
33:40
SPEAKER_04: That's that's that's the that's your mission.
33:43
SPEAKER_04: Then and only then you will reascend to your next level of promotion.
33:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
33:50
SPEAKER_01: I feel like this is like the beginning of the movie Superman, and he's JRL and he's giving me all this stuff, you know.
33:57
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I feel the same way, Steve.
33:59
SPEAKER_03: I'm really glad for you, but dad, what about me?
34:03
SPEAKER_03: What have you given me?
34:04
SPEAKER_03: I don't have uh time travel ability.
34:06
SPEAKER_03: I think I may have my thighs might be you know genetically from you, but but I I feel like I'm kind of being left out here a little bit while Steve gets to go do all this stuff.
34:16
SPEAKER_04: So dad, your mission is just as important your mission, and you've done a great job thus far, is to remain as normal and boring, mundane, dry, lonely as possible.
34:36
SPEAKER_04: Jeff, I think you're crushing that for the rest of your life.
34:40
SPEAKER_04: Okay, that helps if you choose to accept it.
34:43
SPEAKER_00: To be honest, thank you.
34:45
SPEAKER_00: I think he dodged a bullet here.
34:47
SPEAKER_04: You must also turn in your tithe immediately.
34:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's a bullet.
34:53
SPEAKER_00: Pastor Jerry, this is why the news keeps comparing you to Scientology.
34:58
SPEAKER_04: It's a simple rite of passage to join the church.
35:00
SPEAKER_00: Isn't there some other way that your son could ascend or would a transcend by without him having to give money?
35:09
SPEAKER_00: Because that's the problem.
35:10
SPEAKER_04: Assets over liabilities in this universe.
35:14
unknown: Wow.
35:15
SPEAKER_01: Pastor Jerry, dad, if you ever write a book, you should put sayings like that.
35:20
SPEAKER_01: Assets over liabilities in this universe.
35:23
SPEAKER_03: I'm thinking maybe we ought to maybe look at changing this website and this podcast to like a church site, to a church site.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: Yo, oh, it'd be a not-for-profit.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: Nice tax page.
35:36
SPEAKER_01: It would be I'm liking it.
35:38
SPEAKER_03: Okay, collection ability and old block.
35:44
SPEAKER_04: Thank you, Dad.
35:45
SPEAKER_03: I know it's it was kind of a super idea, and I know that I'm not supposed to have super ideas, but I'm glad that you approve.
35:52
SPEAKER_03: All I want is your love.
35:53
SPEAKER_01: But you know, but Jeff, it's it's like an accounting idea, so it's still kind of boring.
35:57
SPEAKER_01: You're still kind of meeting your mission.
35:59
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, thank you.
35:59
SPEAKER_01: But it's a great boring idea, you know?
36:01
SPEAKER_01: It's like a boring idea that's gonna make us money.
36:04
SPEAKER_01: Jeff, I think the three of us are gonna do really well with this.
36:07
SPEAKER_01: This is exciting.
36:08
SPEAKER_01: And we'll hire you, Brittany.
36:09
SPEAKER_01: We need a lawyer.
36:10
SPEAKER_01: We're in we're gonna need lots of lawyers for all this stuff.
36:13
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
36:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm beginning to feel more and more like the Michael Cohen of this situation.
36:18
SPEAKER_01: Uh no, you know, you know.
36:20
SPEAKER_01: No, we'll write our own checks.
36:21
SPEAKER_01: Don't worry.
36:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no.
36:22
SPEAKER_03: Hey, Brittany, I feel bad.
36:24
SPEAKER_03: I mean, we're all related, and here you are not.
36:27
SPEAKER_03: And maybe you ought to take the test.
36:29
SPEAKER_03: I mean, who knows?
36:30
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're related to you might be Jerry's daughter.
36:34
SPEAKER_03: You you might be.
36:37
SPEAKER_00: Oh boy.
36:38
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, gentlemen.
36:40
SPEAKER_00: Um uh I I I can only I shudder to think.
36:44
SPEAKER_00: Not again, that's not a dig on you guys.
36:47
SPEAKER_04: It's just may I ask you what your current religion is?
36:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm Jewish.
36:55
SPEAKER_04: And have they given you$200,000 for being Jewish?
37:01
SPEAKER_00: No, they only expect one percent from me at that, and they're not even really keeping track.
37:08
SPEAKER_00: And in return, I get a sense of fellowship and community.
37:12
SPEAKER_04: We have great fellowship and community among myself and my sons.
37:16
SPEAKER_04: Um glad they accept you and money off the other women, and the community of bankers, yeah.
37:25
SPEAKER_00: I I don't know, guys.
37:26
SPEAKER_00: I you know, I mean, so far I haven't generally churches and religious organizations engage in a lot of charitable acts and social justice.
37:37
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I haven't heard anything about any, I haven't heard this.
37:40
SPEAKER_00: Is why I try to get you on the air to promote the good sides of your of your church.
37:46
SPEAKER_00: You know, I wanted to hear about maybe you donate food to the poor or run a blood drive or something, but I those are good ideas.
37:55
SPEAKER_04: $200,000 church core, no one can call you poor.
37:59
SPEAKER_04: There is no poor in my church.
38:01
SPEAKER_00: Can you go to the store with church coin and buy fruit?
38:05
SPEAKER_04: You can go anywhere in the universe.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, the store is part of the universe.
38:09
SPEAKER_00: Can you can you buy like flour, milk, eggs with church coin?
38:14
SPEAKER_04: My child, you have simply answered your own questions.
38:17
SPEAKER_00: You're not answering my questions.
38:18
SPEAKER_00: I oh boy, I miss Tommy.
38:22
SPEAKER_01: Wow, it's so nice when when lawyers and clients fight on our show.
38:26
SPEAKER_01: This is we fight.
38:27
SPEAKER_03: We've had this a lot, haven't we?
38:29
SPEAKER_03: This comes up all the time.
38:30
SPEAKER_03: It's almost like father and daughter stuff, yeah, you know, the way you guys are going back and forth, and you're like really getting like close and intimate, you know, but not intimate, like drinking and stuff, but you know, like intimate, like you know, this relationship between you know, a father and all relationships, son.
38:50
SPEAKER_00: The bar does not accept certain relationships, as I've had to tell you several times, Pastor Jerry.
38:56
SPEAKER_00: I cannot be your attorney and have sex with you.
38:59
SPEAKER_04: The universe did not hear that.
39:01
SPEAKER_03: And when dad says we're all his children, I'm thinking we might all be as I think it's literal.
39:07
SPEAKER_03: I think literally we might, and I think you uh, you know, I think you may want to kind of keep an open mind to this and get test everyone in the pool.
39:17
SPEAKER_03: Come on, join us, Brittany.
39:19
SPEAKER_04: In the entire universe, there's only 001% of people as smart as you.
39:26
SPEAKER_04: Wow, what a compliment.
39:28
SPEAKER_04: The person that leaves is me and one of my sons.
39:32
SPEAKER_04: Oh, is it me, Dad?
39:34
SPEAKER_04: No, well, you know, God.
39:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh Dad, that is so beautiful.
39:42
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Dad.
39:43
SPEAKER_04: You've always been my favorite, always such a good, such a just excellent, excellent son.
39:50
SPEAKER_04: Didn't even need worry about it once.
39:53
SPEAKER_04: Um the other one's just dad that am I the other one?
39:58
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and and you know, Jerry, you were you were taking care of me even though you were over at Jeff's house.
40:04
SPEAKER_01: You were taking care of me with the scotch.
40:06
SPEAKER_01: My favorite Steve.
40:07
SPEAKER_01: I gotta hand it to you, putting up with my mom.
40:09
SPEAKER_01: I mean, she's she's a handful.
40:11
SPEAKER_04: Oh I'll tell you some stories.
40:13
SPEAKER_04: Oh, you think I got out of there some faster?
40:15
SPEAKER_01: Gotta tell you, Jerry, that uh my mom is 90 now, you know, and she's uh she's pregnant.
40:21
SPEAKER_01: You were in Stateville, so it's probably not you.
40:24
SPEAKER_03: You remember that you remember your cellmate when you were in Statesville?
40:28
SPEAKER_03: I don't know if you guys even know this, but he's kind of my foe dad.
40:32
SPEAKER_01: Oh, veto, yeah.
40:33
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he's yeah, he's not my real dad, but you know, dad, you weren't around and you know, and he got paroled first.
40:41
SPEAKER_04: You guys know vito?
40:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, oh yeah, we had veto on the show because we thought Tippi was out looking for Jeff's dad, and we found him, and he claimed, yeah, I'm Jeff.
40:51
SPEAKER_03: You knew a lot about me.
40:53
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
40:53
SPEAKER_01: Right.
40:54
SPEAKER_01: We didn't sleep, and so talked to you all those years at Stage Value.
40:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
40:58
SPEAKER_04: How how how is Vito and you may know more of my secrets?
41:03
SPEAKER_04: How where is he?
41:04
SPEAKER_04: Sons.
41:05
SPEAKER_01: You know, he was he was around, but he's been he's been kind of missing for a while.
41:10
SPEAKER_01: He was around long enough to uh you know impregnate my mom, but then kind of disappeared.
41:15
SPEAKER_03: He was supposed to be on in and out, in and out, like dad.
41:18
SPEAKER_03: Right.
41:18
SPEAKER_03: You know, that's why I thought the burger, you know, my dad for a while, in and out, and your mom's a burger.
41:24
SPEAKER_01: In fact, he was supposed to be on a a holiday show with uh my mom and all, and he never showed.
41:30
SPEAKER_01: He never came, and we haven't nobody's seen him since.
41:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, where is he?
41:33
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I thought you guys were going to do some sort of like double dating thing with veto, right?
41:39
SPEAKER_00: Or your faux dad.
41:40
SPEAKER_00: With who?
41:41
SPEAKER_03: Oh, with Steve's old girlfriend.
41:42
SPEAKER_01: Remember, she was on Yeah, she was at the family dinner, and then you know, well, you know, girlfriend might be a stretch.
41:49
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we we said hi to each other quite a bit in junior high, but you know, a girlfriend might be a stretch.
41:54
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, she said, Well, I yeah, I think I'm gonna go back to Florida now, Steve.
41:58
SPEAKER_01: Bye.
41:58
SPEAKER_01: See, you know, so she's left, but Steve, they all leave us, but I digress.
42:02
SPEAKER_03: At some point, they all leave us, all the ones we love.
42:04
SPEAKER_03: They do, except for you, dad, because you came back.
42:06
SPEAKER_04: You came back, yes, and I'm back to ask for your assets.
42:12
SPEAKER_04: We must grow this church, this mission must be spread to all of the universe within reason and within the bounds of the law.
42:22
SPEAKER_04: The universe makes its own laws.
42:24
SPEAKER_01: But we we need to inflate the church, we need to inflate this church.
42:29
SPEAKER_01: I'm in, dad.
42:30
SPEAKER_01: I think I want to I just want to help you make that happen.
42:34
SPEAKER_01: If you need shekels, I'm here to give them to you.
42:37
SPEAKER_03: They're church shekels, right?
42:38
SPEAKER_04: Boring son, yeah.
42:39
SPEAKER_04: Uh Jeff Boringson, yes.
42:41
SPEAKER_04: I need you to contact all of the BRICS nations, all the what?
42:46
SPEAKER_04: Brazil, Russia, India, China, South Africa.
42:51
SPEAKER_03: Can you slow down, Dan?
42:52
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna write those down so that why don't you send me send me a note on that?
42:55
SPEAKER_03: But yeah, I'd be glad to.
42:56
SPEAKER_03: That what am I telling them?
42:58
SPEAKER_04: We need their support as well.
43:01
SPEAKER_04: We need all that, especially with cryptocurrencies.
43:05
SPEAKER_00: Are you trying to make your son get involved in international wire fraud?
43:10
SPEAKER_00: Galactic.
43:11
SPEAKER_01: That's the most exciting time.
43:12
SPEAKER_01: Galactic wire fraud.
43:13
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's the most exciting time.
43:15
SPEAKER_01: I mean, wire fraud in the same city, wire fraud, it's just it's kind of cheap, you know, but intergalactic wire.
43:22
SPEAKER_04: My father always said it's not fraud if you don't get caught.
43:25
SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
43:27
SPEAKER_03: Would that be my grandfather?
43:28
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
43:29
SPEAKER_01: Wow, and my grandfather too.
43:31
SPEAKER_01: Well, yes, absolutely.
43:32
SPEAKER_04: That's wow.
43:35
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, we'd love to hear stories about the old family.
43:37
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I bet I bet grandpa probably knew, you know, Capone and Machine Gun Kelly and all those great guys back in the day, you know.
43:45
SPEAKER_00: Machine gun Kelly, I don't think he was a gangster.
43:48
SPEAKER_01: Oh, no, not that machine gun Kelly.
43:50
SPEAKER_01: I meant machine gun Kelly, not machine gun Kelly, you know.
43:53
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
43:54
SPEAKER_04: Much before your time, youngest of my children.
43:57
SPEAKER_00: Wait, if I positioned me.
44:01
SPEAKER_00: Wait.
44:03
SPEAKER_00: I really need to withdraw representation.
44:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
44:08
SPEAKER_03: I had a nickel for every time I said that.
44:13
SPEAKER_03: Wait, what?
44:15
SPEAKER_00: The seal is broken on this.
44:17
SPEAKER_00: It's easier to drink with.
44:18
SPEAKER_01: There's nothing in the way.
44:20
SPEAKER_01: It saves the wrist torque.
44:22
SPEAKER_00: It smells like almonds.
44:24
SPEAKER_01: Don't mind the blue.
44:26
SPEAKER_00: I don't like it.
44:27
SPEAKER_00: I love almonds.
44:31
SPEAKER_00: There are just too many ethical quagmires here for me.
44:35
SPEAKER_00: I cannot continue to ethically represent Pastor Jerry slasher dad and Pastor Steve's dad.
44:44
SPEAKER_00: And Steve's dad.
44:46
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
44:47
SPEAKER_03: And possibly your dad.
44:49
SPEAKER_00: I really, Pastor Jerry, you were in Oslo in the 1980s.
44:54
SPEAKER_04: I meant it when I said call me daddy.
44:56
SPEAKER_00: We'll see.
44:57
SPEAKER_04: He was all over.
44:58
SPEAKER_04: I he may have been in Oslo.
45:00
SPEAKER_01: I had no idea that this is a good idea.
45:03
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
45:04
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, mission for you.
45:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, thank you, Dad.
45:07
SPEAKER_04: I've I've read about this Elon Musk guy.
45:10
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, oh yeah.
45:12
SPEAKER_04: He does things in the space travel.
45:14
SPEAKER_04: You must contact him, bring him to me.
45:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'd love to do that.
45:19
SPEAKER_01: Dad, I'll do that.
45:21
SPEAKER_01: I know just where to find him.
45:23
SPEAKER_01: Do you want my help?
45:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Jeff, could you drive me over there?
45:25
SPEAKER_01: Because I, you know, I don't I don't see well at night.
45:27
SPEAKER_01: And you know, sure, no problem.
45:29
SPEAKER_03: I'm an Uber driver.
45:30
SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, yeah, there you go.
45:32
SPEAKER_01: I figured, right, exactly.
45:33
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so yeah, yeah.
45:34
SPEAKER_01: Just drive me over.
45:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know where he is.
45:36
SPEAKER_01: You know, now that he's out of Twitter, uh, he's got plenty of spare time on his hands, you know.
45:40
SPEAKER_01: So he's just sitting over, it's a bar six blocks, eight blocks from here.
45:45
SPEAKER_01: It's not, you know.
45:46
SPEAKER_04: Now look, look at your crypto wallet, Brittany.
45:48
SPEAKER_04: Look, you have over one million dollars worth of church coin in there.
45:51
SPEAKER_04: See?
45:52
SPEAKER_04: Wow, what do you mean?
45:54
SPEAKER_04: Means the universe will accept your money anywhere the universe accepts money.
45:58
SPEAKER_01: Means you're a millionaire, Brittany.
46:00
SPEAKER_01: A millionaire.
46:01
SPEAKER_04: I don't think this is and without me, you're unemployed.
46:04
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I I quit.
46:06
SPEAKER_00: I quit because I want to keep my license.
46:09
SPEAKER_00: And gentlemen, I really don't like what he's doing here.
46:13
SPEAKER_00: I really feel like he's trying to build Steve up into some charismatic church leader who's gonna pull some crazy shit.
46:20
SPEAKER_00: And Jeff, he's just beating you up like his own personal Eric Trump.
46:26
SPEAKER_03: Like he loves me, like he loves me.
46:28
SPEAKER_03: That is love.
46:29
SPEAKER_03: I do love you, son.
46:31
SPEAKER_03: Brittany, yeah.
46:31
SPEAKER_03: See, go dad loves me.
46:34
SPEAKER_03: He wouldn't say he wouldn't talk like that if he didn't love me.
46:36
SPEAKER_03: And you know, building me up into some sort of charismatic church leader, Dad, you go, yes, yeah, oh yeah, he reaches all of us at different levels, and Brittany, as your father, you need to let him connect with you the way you need to be connected to, right, Dad?
46:55
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
47:01
SPEAKER_00: I really think that my father is Wallace May, and he was a meal carrier in Oslo, and then we immigrated over here, and you know, it's really it's really not a big thing.
47:17
SPEAKER_01: Hey, look at my wallet here.
47:18
SPEAKER_01: Oh, she doesn't look Norwegian.
47:22
SPEAKER_01: Wallace May.
47:23
SPEAKER_03: I think it's Oslo, Illinois.
47:25
SPEAKER_03: I think that's a suburb of he's he's Wallace May right outside Joliet.
47:29
SPEAKER_01: He's Wallace May.
47:30
SPEAKER_01: Look at this, he's showing the he's showing the I I have a lot to think about.
47:37
SPEAKER_04: Oh, wow.
47:38
SPEAKER_04: You can use artificial intelligence to think for you like your old boss did.
47:42
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
47:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm maybe type into GPT.
47:47
SPEAKER_01: Type in who is not Jerry Sharp's child, you know, see what it says.
47:52
SPEAKER_01: So you're it might be shortlist.
47:54
SPEAKER_00: Pastor Jerry, just like the modern day Genghis Khan.
47:58
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
47:58
SPEAKER_03: Wait, what did you say, Britney?
48:00
SPEAKER_00: He's the modern day Genghis Khan if we're all related, right?
48:04
SPEAKER_03: It's Genghis Cohen.
48:05
SPEAKER_03: It's a lot less brutal than it's not con.
48:07
SPEAKER_03: So just want you to know.
48:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh, he changed his name, Jeff, because that didn't play so well.
48:14
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he had to go through like Rucker's Island or whatever, right?
48:18
SPEAKER_03: And then he had to shorten it and they wrote it down.
48:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, they said it was con.
48:22
SPEAKER_00: I don't remember that from fate people.
48:26
SPEAKER_03: It was an Irish, it was actually it was in Boston, and it was can just can, yeah.
48:31
SPEAKER_03: Can when it was really Cohen, and then they shortened it too.
48:34
SPEAKER_03: It was Cone.
48:35
SPEAKER_03: I have a mission for it was co yeah, it was Cone.
48:38
SPEAKER_01: Cone, so it was Cannes.
48:40
SPEAKER_04: I quit.
48:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm not your attorney anymore.
48:43
SPEAKER_00: What do you want me to do?
48:44
SPEAKER_04: I have a mission for you.
48:45
SPEAKER_04: Oh then my travels to more than 50 countries.
48:50
SPEAKER_04: I made it a point to visit a local sperm bank and donate.
48:54
SPEAKER_00: That is so socially irresponsible.
48:57
SPEAKER_04: I have many.
48:58
SPEAKER_04: You have many more brothers and sisters all over the world.
49:02
SPEAKER_00: How is there not more regulation?
49:04
SPEAKER_04: The universe accepts all of my children.
49:06
SPEAKER_04: And you, my child, must find all of your brothers and sisters and bring them home to me, their father.
49:11
SPEAKER_01: You need to get the family together.
49:13
SPEAKER_00: Sounds like we should bring a class action lawsuit against you.
49:17
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, bring the family together.
49:19
SPEAKER_04: June 19th.
49:20
SPEAKER_04: You must have them all here by June 19th.
49:22
SPEAKER_04: I believe there's another holiday scheduled that day.
49:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just may not be now.
49:28
SPEAKER_00: You're trying to appropriate Juneteenth?
49:30
SPEAKER_04: There were no days available for a good barbecue based on the galactic.
49:34
SPEAKER_04: Dad, you have accepted me.
49:36
SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
49:37
SPEAKER_03: I bet his barbecue is out of this universe.
49:40
SPEAKER_01: I think that's so wonderful.
49:41
SPEAKER_01: Bringing the family together for a Juneteenth barbecue.
49:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I this sounds great.
49:46
SPEAKER_01: Now, based on how many kids you've got, I hope you got a big yard.
49:50
SPEAKER_01: Be a lot of people there.
49:52
SPEAKER_04: We would do it at the largest baseball stadium that I can pronounce.
49:56
SPEAKER_04: I can't name any baseball stadiums.
49:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh you know, I used to know the name of so many stadiums, but then they got this whole naming right thing, and it's a different corporation every two years.
50:05
SPEAKER_04: And I want to change his name and make it a church.
50:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:10
SPEAKER_00: Tomisky Church.
50:11
SPEAKER_04: All names are accepted.
50:13
SPEAKER_01: Wrigley Church.
50:14
SPEAKER_01: Hey, I always thought Wrigley Field was kind of like a cathedral, too, myself.
50:18
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, that kind of works.
50:19
SPEAKER_03: Or you go with kind of like a yeah, football team and you have the name of them as the Milky Way Galaxies.
50:25
SPEAKER_03: I think that works.
50:26
SPEAKER_03: Well, I'm just throwing this out, Dad.
50:28
SPEAKER_03: I know it's probably not right, but I just certainly sounds better than like the defenders or whatever, you know.
50:34
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's you know or the White Sox.
50:36
SPEAKER_01: Or the White Sox, yeah.
50:38
SPEAKER_04: From intruders, which I will educate you guys on more later.
50:42
SPEAKER_01: I can't wait, Dad.
50:43
SPEAKER_01: We'll be learning right at right at the feet of our dad.
50:46
SPEAKER_01: That is so exciting.
50:48
SPEAKER_01: It's taking the family, it'll be literally the family church.
50:51
SPEAKER_01: It's just kind of like that touch by an angel commercial.
50:54
SPEAKER_01: It'll be the the family church, you know.
50:56
SPEAKER_01: I'm liking this.
50:57
SPEAKER_03: This has been one of the best days of my life.
51:00
SPEAKER_03: I have been a life filled with disappointment.
51:03
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, yeah, this is yeah, this is really great.
51:06
SPEAKER_03: So thank you, Dad.
51:08
SPEAKER_01: And dad and bro.
51:10
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, and sis.
51:12
SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, we're all here.
51:14
SPEAKER_03: It'll grow on you, it'll it'll grow on you.
51:17
SPEAKER_03: Trust me.
51:18
SPEAKER_00: I miss Tommy.
51:19
SPEAKER_01: I know at first you're looking, you're thinking it's weird to be related to these guys, but trust me, eventually you'll say, Hey, they're good brothers, they're really nice brothers.
51:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm glad we're all related.
51:32
SPEAKER_01: I'm glad we're all in the same family.
51:34
SPEAKER_02: Me too.
51:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, group hug.
51:35
SPEAKER_02: Group hug.
51:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, group hug.
51:37
SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, well, zoom hug.
51:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
51:39
SPEAKER_02: Zoom hug.
51:40
SPEAKER_02: Computer hug.
51:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
51:42
SPEAKER_01: Or room, I guess.
51:43
SPEAKER_01: Room hug.
51:44
SPEAKER_04: Room hug.
51:46
SPEAKER_04: Like to stare at the stars with me through a human-made telescope.
51:50
SPEAKER_00: All telescopes are human-made.
51:52
SPEAKER_04: That you know of, my child.
51:54
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
51:55
SPEAKER_04: Oh, Jeff, I think much more will be revealed very soon.
51:58
SPEAKER_01: I think I gobbled up all that stuff when the police knocked.
52:01
SPEAKER_01: I think I gobbled it up just in time.
52:02
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna look through a telescope.
52:04
SPEAKER_01: This could be this could be a lot of fun.
52:07
SPEAKER_01: Oh, this could be great.
52:08
SPEAKER_01: This is great.
52:09
SPEAKER_00: Listen, wait, he's just gonna drug us.
52:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and all substances are accepted in our church.
52:16
SPEAKER_00: Oh, Laura's gonna hear about this.
52:19
SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, we'll go to the bar after he drugs us.
52:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, there'll be a lot of things.
52:23
SPEAKER_04: We'll go to the bar getting new numbers for the church.
52:27
SPEAKER_01: My mom would love to see you again.
52:29
SPEAKER_01: I bet.
52:29
SPEAKER_01: I'll call my mom.
52:30
SPEAKER_01: I'll give my mom over and she's she's when she does, Steve.
52:33
SPEAKER_01: She's doing about uh a month to six weeks, so she's still she's still drinking.
52:37
SPEAKER_01: Oh, she's still drinking.
52:38
SPEAKER_03: She still drink right up to right up to that point where it's not drinking's not good for you if you drink too much too close to the nine months, because then if you fall, you could hurt the baby.
52:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I mean she's probably gonna drink during delivery.
52:51
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that is my mom.
52:52
SPEAKER_01: Come on.
52:53
SPEAKER_03: Well, that's the traditional way of numbing the pain.
52:56
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
52:57
SPEAKER_03: You were you know, all those cowboy movies where they say you want to swig when you're before they operate on it.
53:03
SPEAKER_03: There you go.
53:03
SPEAKER_01: That's what it is.
53:04
SPEAKER_01: Whiskey and bite the nail.
53:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there you go.
53:07
SPEAKER_01: She'll probably have other drugs, too.
53:08
SPEAKER_01: She'll be drinking.
53:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
53:09
SPEAKER_01: But dad, you don't think my mom would want to see you?
53:12
SPEAKER_04: Uh the last time she saw me was also the last time you saw that car, was it not?
53:19
SPEAKER_04: I think it was.
53:20
SPEAKER_04: I know that car disappeared.
53:22
SPEAKER_04: I borrowed it.
53:24
SPEAKER_04: Oh I have not yet returned it.
53:27
SPEAKER_04: And if I return it without vacuuming it, she would be very upset.
53:33
SPEAKER_04: I have not vacuumed the floorboards since 1972.
53:38
SPEAKER_01: So you still have that beautiful Impala?
53:41
SPEAKER_01: That 65 Impala?
53:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yes.
53:43
SPEAKER_04: Oh my gosh, it's it's right outside in the driveway.
53:47
SPEAKER_04: Oh, dad.
53:48
SPEAKER_03: I don't want to speak for Steve, but uh I wouldn't vacuum it, you know, if you're gonna let Steve see it, because I think you probably want to see it in its natural state.
53:56
SPEAKER_04: I would like to see the I raised them to like clean floors, you know.
54:00
SPEAKER_01: Dad, you know what I'll do?
54:02
SPEAKER_01: I will add to my mission and I will get a vacuum cleaner and I will vacuum that impala.
54:09
SPEAKER_01: Just I love the car that much, Dad.
54:11
SPEAKER_05: Oh gosh.
54:13
SPEAKER_00: You don't have a vacuum cleaner, no, yeah, but they sell them everywhere.
54:16
SPEAKER_01: I can go get one.
54:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, they're you know, everybody sells them, right?
54:20
SPEAKER_01: Jeff, you got a vacuum, yeah.
54:21
SPEAKER_01: I buy one from you, Jeff.
54:22
SPEAKER_00: It's so ubiquitous.
54:23
SPEAKER_00: Why don't you have one?
54:24
SPEAKER_01: Never occurred to me until now.
54:26
SPEAKER_01: Now I got something I want to vacuum.
54:28
SPEAKER_01: See, never did before, but now, now I do.
54:30
SPEAKER_03: Hey, Britt, you got a vacuum cleaner you can loan us now that we're in the family?
54:35
SPEAKER_01: It might wind up getting used in evidence somewhere.
54:38
SPEAKER_01: So, what I'd say give us a vacuum you wouldn't mind us getting rid of, you know, because we'll we're probably gonna get rid of it right after we vacuum, aren't we?
54:46
SPEAKER_04: That's why he's my favorite.
54:47
SPEAKER_04: He's the smart one.
54:48
SPEAKER_01: I figured that right out.
54:49
SPEAKER_04: There you go.
54:50
SPEAKER_04: That's right.
54:50
SPEAKER_04: I love that boy.
54:51
SPEAKER_04: The other one, too.
54:52
SPEAKER_04: He's he's good.
54:56
SPEAKER_04: Am I higher than Britney?
54:58
SPEAKER_04: No, girl power.
54:59
SPEAKER_00: He's still last.
55:00
SPEAKER_04: There are many more Britney.
55:02
SPEAKER_03: Maybe we're not the only ones.
55:04
SPEAKER_03: Maybe I'm not last.
55:05
SPEAKER_03: Come on.
55:06
SPEAKER_04: He could very well be in the top three of thousands.
55:09
SPEAKER_04: That's right.
55:10
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
55:11
SPEAKER_01: Third.
55:12
SPEAKER_01: Jeff, you're third.
55:13
SPEAKER_01: Third is pretty good.
55:14
SPEAKER_01: They give medals to the Olympics.
55:16
SPEAKER_01: That's a bronze, yeah.
55:17
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, bronze.
55:19
SPEAKER_01: Bronze.
55:19
SPEAKER_01: I like bronze.
55:20
SPEAKER_01: And I guess Brittany and I are fighting it out for the gold here, so to speak, right?
55:24
SPEAKER_03: I'd rather have bronze.
55:25
SPEAKER_03: I think bronze is pretty good.
55:26
SPEAKER_00: I don't want, I don't want a medal.
55:28
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to.
55:29
SPEAKER_04: We do have a universe, the tradition of if the top two call each other out, then they may fight to the death for dominance.
55:36
SPEAKER_04: And it sounds like you were just called out.
55:39
SPEAKER_04: Prepare for battle.
55:40
SPEAKER_00: No, indeed, I I am not going, I am not going to engage in this.
55:44
SPEAKER_00: That is not how the man who raised me raised me.
55:50
SPEAKER_04: No, no, not you.
55:51
SPEAKER_04: I would then call you, Jeff.
55:53
SPEAKER_04: If you would like to challenge your sister, no, or maybe if the two of you would challenge her at the same time for a better chance at one of the doesn't prove the odds.
56:04
SPEAKER_03: And we could challenge her while he watches.
56:07
SPEAKER_00: While dad watches, so that might be going to let this stranger, this man who just drifted back into our lives, pit us against each other?
56:16
SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
56:17
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
56:18
SPEAKER_03: Because he's our dad.
56:19
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
56:19
SPEAKER_01: Found out he's my real dad.
56:21
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I gotta help him out.
56:22
SPEAKER_01: He's your dad.
56:23
SPEAKER_01: Come on, it's your dad too.
56:25
SPEAKER_01: Don't you want to help dad?
56:26
SPEAKER_01: Come on.
56:26
SPEAKER_00: I feel like this is just sport for him.
56:29
SPEAKER_00: Who knows if he's going to other towns and doing this?
56:31
SPEAKER_01: Well, I hope so.
56:32
SPEAKER_01: Then there's more money in the church coin then.
56:34
SPEAKER_01: Of course.
56:35
SPEAKER_01: I hope he is.
56:36
SPEAKER_04: I love sports.
56:37
SPEAKER_04: I love money.
56:37
SPEAKER_04: Drive me to Houston next week.
56:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh, Houston, beautiful place.
56:41
SPEAKER_01: Got a lot of friends there.
56:42
SPEAKER_01: Oh, and some of them have money.
56:43
SPEAKER_01: Most don't, but some do.
56:45
SPEAKER_00: How are you going to pay Jeff?
56:47
SPEAKER_01: Church coin, of course.
56:48
SPEAKER_00: That's useless.
56:49
SPEAKER_04: Son, open your crypto wallet.
56:51
SPEAKER_04: Yes, sir.
56:51
SPEAKER_04: I call him sir.
56:52
SPEAKER_04: Because he's obedient.
56:53
SPEAKER_03: Because I love him.
56:54
SPEAKER_01: Obedient son.
56:55
SPEAKER_01: There you go.
56:56
SPEAKER_03: Very obedient.
56:57
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
56:58
SPEAKER_03: My wallet is open for you, Dad.
57:00
SPEAKER_04: In four minutes, you will see 10 new Church Coin additions to your crypto wallet.
57:07
SPEAKER_03: Awesome.
57:08
SPEAKER_03: Wow.
57:09
SPEAKER_03: I don't know, Steve.
57:10
SPEAKER_03: I don't know if we're going to be able to see that since we have less than one minute or so.
57:15
SPEAKER_01: We're just about to get kicked out of eccentric Ladyland Studios here.
57:19
SPEAKER_01: So, but good thing about them being on Zoom, we can just take our computers out of the studio and we can keep talking.
57:25
SPEAKER_01: So why don't we we'll just do that?
57:27
SPEAKER_01: But we we we gotta kind of end the show here.
57:29
SPEAKER_01: But dad and Brittany, good to see you again.
57:31
SPEAKER_01: Dad, so good.
57:33
SPEAKER_04: Love you, Dad.
57:34
SPEAKER_04: Love you, Britt.
57:36
SPEAKER_04: We gotta go.
57:38
SPEAKER_01: Oh, they back, huh?
57:39
SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
57:40
SPEAKER_01: I think good luck, Dad.
57:42
SPEAKER_03: I was there.
57:43
SPEAKER_03: I was there.
57:43
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
57:44
SPEAKER_01: I'm a witness.
57:45
SPEAKER_01: We'll see you.
57:45
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we'll witness them.