Latest / CLA+ / The Lion Within Us - Leadership for Christian Men - 759. Newly Wed With Mike Novotny

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The Lion Within Us - Leadership for Christian Men - 759. Newly Wed With Mike Novotny · CLA+

• 1:05
  Chris Grainger: Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast serving Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders God intends you to be.
• 1:10
  Chris Grainger: I'm your host, Chris Stranger.
• 1:11
  Chris Grainger: Let's jump in.
• 1:12
  Chris Grainger: All right, guys, meet episode time.
• 1:14
  Chris Grainger: Let's get into it, okay?
• 1:15
  Chris Grainger: So the scripture of the week this week is Matthew 19, verse 6, and it says this.
• 1:19
  Chris Grainger: So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
• 1:22
  Chris Grainger: Therefore, what God has joined together, let no person is to separate.
• 1:27
  Chris Grainger: Guys, love that verse.
• 1:29
  Chris Grainger: I unpacked that linked in a spiritual kickoff episode.
• 1:31
  Chris Grainger: So go back, listen to that one, be the last one in your podcast, in your podcast feed.
• 1:35
  Chris Grainger: If you enjoyed the spiritual kickoff episodes on the podcast, guys, you probably will love the daily spiritual kickoff we have Monday through Friday at the Line Within Us.
• 1:43
  Chris Grainger: So every Monday through Friday, I open up God's word, I read it, I try to give an encouragement from it, reveal what the Holy Spirit revealed to me, and you can join right along.
• 1:52
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• 1:53
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• 1:55
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• 1:57
  Chris Grainger: It also has access to a prayer request space.
• 1:59
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• 2:01
  Chris Grainger: If you have something on your heart and you just want some prayer, you just want some brothers in Christ to be lifting these prayers up together.
• 2:07
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• 2:08
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• 2:10
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• 2:11
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• 2:17
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• 2:17
  Chris Grainger: So go to the lionwithn.us, you'll see the daily SKO.
• 2:21
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• 2:23
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• 2:24
  Chris Grainger: It's all free, and we'd love to see you there, okay?
• 2:27
  Chris Grainger: All right.
• 2:27
  Chris Grainger: So this is a great episode, fellas, for particularly for you guys who are newly married, or for you guys who have men in your life who are going to be getting married anytime in the near future, okay?
• 2:37
  Chris Grainger: Uh so brought in Mike Novotany, he's the author, pastor, speaker.
• 2:41
  Chris Grainger: He's out of Appleton, Wisconsin, okay?
• 2:43
  Chris Grainger: So he's the lead speaker for Time of Grace, which is this global media ministry that reaches out just a ton of people out there, fellas.
• 2:51
  Chris Grainger: So, but Mike wrote a book called Newlywed, a Christian Guide for Loving Year One.
• 2:56
  Chris Grainger: And we really unpack some topics at hand as far as you know who God says you are within your marriage.
• 3:03
  Chris Grainger: We talk about, you know, you're having your in-laws, we talk about sex, we talk about communication, we talk about date night and all the things that are associated with you getting getting your marriage off on a strong foot.
• 3:14
  Chris Grainger: Now, check this out though.
• 3:16
  Chris Grainger: This is not just for newlyweds.
• 3:18
  Chris Grainger: Because I'm gonna tell you, I the things we talked about are applicable.
• 3:21
  Chris Grainger: You've been married for a couple decades, it applies.
• 3:25
  Chris Grainger: And I unfortunately I talked to way too many guys where this stuff, their marriages are struggling, and it's because we got off track, right?
• 3:32
  Chris Grainger: We got off track.
• 3:33
  Chris Grainger: I mean, it talks about pornography and some different, many different things we dive into.
• 3:37
  Chris Grainger: So look, wherever you're at in your marriage, you may not think that you're newlyweds, but you have a new opportunity to realign and get this thing right in the way that God designs.
• 3:48
  Chris Grainger: And this is what Mike and I talk about.
• 3:50
  Chris Grainger: So hopefully you're gonna enjoy this conversation.
• 3:52
  Chris Grainger: I certainly did.
• 3:53
  Chris Grainger: The sit back, have some fun with my friend Mike Novotny.
• 3:55
  Chris Grainger: Well, Mike, welcome to The Line within us.
• 3:59
  Chris Grainger: How's it going today, sir?
• 4:01
  Chris Grainger: It's going great, Chris.
• 4:02
  Chris Grainger: Thanks for having me.
• 4:03
  Chris Grainger: I'm excited to have you here for sure, man.
• 4:05
  Chris Grainger: Absolutely.
• 4:05
  Chris Grainger: So before we get into the topic at hand, share with us a little fun fact about Mike that not many people know about.
• 4:12
  Chris Grainger: Oh, man, fun facts.
• 4:15
  Mike Novotny: Um I have I have I've kissed two girls in my life.
• 4:20
  Mike Novotny: Okay.
• 4:21
  Mike Novotny: One of them um decided she didn't want to kiss men at all for the rest of her life, and the other decided she wanted to marry me.
• 4:29
  Chris Grainger: Dang, that's pretty good bat and average, bro.
• 4:31
  Chris Grainger: I mean, that's pretty good bat and average right there.
• 4:35
  Mike Novotny: You know?
• 4:35
  Mike Novotny: Not too bad.
• 4:36
  Mike Novotny: I have one girlfriend and she became my fiance, and her name is Kim.
• 4:39
  Mike Novotny: And uh, we've been married for 23 years in one month now.
• 4:43
  Chris Grainger: And the other one says she won't bat for the other team.
• 4:47
  Mike Novotny: Man, you can't predict this stuff.
• 4:51
  Chris Grainger: Hey man, better find out that right then than later on, right?
• 4:54
  Chris Grainger: You know, so that's good.
• 4:55
  Chris Grainger: That's good stuff.
• 4:57
  Chris Grainger: I'll honestly say that's a first for the for the fun fact, man.
• 5:00
  Chris Grainger: So uh you you may take the top for the fun fact, as a matter of fact.
• 5:04
  Chris Grainger: That was pretty awesome.
• 5:05
  Chris Grainger: So I'd love to love to look just uh share a little bit about you.
• 5:10
  Chris Grainger: So where you're from, family, all that fun stuff.
• 5:11
  Chris Grainger: So you're Wisconsin, right?
• 5:13
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:14
  Mike Novotny: So I was raised in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
• 5:16
  Mike Novotny: Uh nice Packers fan, I'm assuming.
• 5:18
  Mike Novotny: You know, I'm actually more of a soccer guy, but not against the Packers.
• 5:21
  Mike Novotny: Okay, okay.
• 5:22
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 5:22
  Mike Novotny: And uh my mom was a faithful Christian woman, brought me to church, so I kind of knew the Lord from a really young age.
• 5:28
  Mike Novotny: Uh got the bug in in high school to become a pastor.
• 5:32
  Mike Novotny: So just reading reading my Bible.
• 5:34
  Mike Novotny: Mark chapter eight was what got me.
• 5:36
  Mike Novotny: What good is it for a man to gain the whole world yet forfeit his soul?
• 5:39
  Mike Novotny: And uh man, something about that just grabbed me and made me want to preach the gospel.
• 5:43
  Mike Novotny: So I went to a little Bible college in 1999 uh at the freshman mixer.
• 5:47
  Mike Novotny: I met this girl named Kim who would later become my wife.
• 5:50
  Mike Novotny: Uh, we got married right after school.
• 5:51
  Mike Novotny: I did seminary here in Wisconsin, and I've been serving churches in Wisconsin for uh about 19 years now.
• 5:58
  Mike Novotny: Nice.
• 5:59
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 5:59
  Chris Grainger: That's awesome, man.
• 6:01
  Chris Grainger: That's awesome.
• 6:01
  Chris Grainger: So definitely looking forward to the conversation.
• 6:04
  Chris Grainger: I really appreciate the book, too.
• 6:05
  Chris Grainger: I mean, newlywed, a Christian guy for for loving year one.
• 6:09
  Chris Grainger: So and I like the different topics you brought down.
• 6:12
  Chris Grainger: But maybe kind of open up what did God lay on your heart to want to tackle a topic like this?
• 6:17
  Chris Grainger: Because this is a very niche topic that you're trying to go in right here, right?
• 6:20
  Chris Grainger: Most people like to go broad and serve everybody, but I love how you dialed it in right here.
• 6:24
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 6:25
  Mike Novotny: So I actually interviewed um 20 newlyweds from our church, and I kind of asked them, like, what did you think marriage was going to be?
• 6:32
  Mike Novotny: You know, you've been in church enough, you took the little pre-marriage school.
• 6:35
  Mike Novotny: Like, what do you think it was going to be?
• 6:36
  Mike Novotny: And what was it actually?
• 6:38
  Mike Novotny: And kind of the gap between their expectations and reality is what kind of crafted this book.
• 6:44
  Mike Novotny: That um, you know, you go into a relationship that's serious and you love each other.
• 6:48
  Mike Novotny: Hopefully you both love the Lord.
• 6:50
  Mike Novotny: But man, you're gonna need to have some really important, specific conversations to get this right.
• 6:55
  Mike Novotny: It's a it's a glorious, beautiful relationship, but it's probably like the one of the most challenging, personal, revealing, exposing, convicting.
• 7:05
  Mike Novotny: Like if I sometimes say if you think you're a pretty good Christian, get married.
• 7:09
  Mike Novotny: And then God will hold up a giant, uh freshly cleaned mirror so that you can see all the parts of you.
• 7:15
  Mike Novotny: So yeah, such a beautiful relationship.
• 7:17
  Mike Novotny: I wanted couples to do it right.
• 7:19
  Chris Grainger: Amen, bro.
• 7:20
  Chris Grainger: Something is a lot of a lot of work that went into that front end of it for sure.
• 7:23
  Chris Grainger: And uh, so I mean, the the project walk us through like how how did you start beginning laying it out and knowing the topics that did you get the topics from them and through your counseling over the years that did you that you knew that these are typical stumbling blocks for young married couples?
• 7:38
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, and my own experience, you know, I was 20 some years in when I started the interview, so I kind of knew, oh yeah, figuring out finances and intimacy and schedules and screens and faith and in-laws and all the rest.
• 7:49
  Mike Novotny: So, and then when I pushed a little bit, I found out, you know, for every couple was different.
• 7:54
  Mike Novotny: It wasn't like every marriage had the same problems, but they generally kind of fit into these basic categories.
• 7:59
  Mike Novotny: So I just kind of wanted to dive deep with an open Bible and some practical wisdom and uh set the next couples up for awesome success.
• 8:06
  Chris Grainger: That's awesome, man.
• 8:07
  Chris Grainger: That's so great.
• 8:08
  Chris Grainger: I mean, I really love you know how you dived into it.
• 8:10
  Chris Grainger: Obviously, we're serving Christian men at this, you know, on the line within us.
• 8:14
  Chris Grainger: And I know lots of guys really try to provide financially, and that's where we find our success.
• 8:20
  Chris Grainger: We've got the financial stewards and we can, we can and providers, if you will, but we're passive spiritually.
• 8:26
  Chris Grainger: So uh why why do you think this is a big dangerous gap that that we as men take in our homes?
• 8:31
  Chris Grainger: And I love how you address it, but just share with the guy out there who's listening right now.
• 8:35
  Mike Novotny: Oh man.
• 8:36
  Mike Novotny: So I'm a brand new pastor in Madison, Wisconsin.
• 8:39
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 8:39
  Mike Novotny: And there's just more ministry than I can I can handle.
• 8:42
  Mike Novotny: So we had to kind of stop doing some Spanish outreach ministry that I was doing.
• 8:47
  Mike Novotny: And this uh this guy comes at me hard and he calls me unfaithful to my call and deceptive, and I'm not serving Jesus.
• 8:54
  Mike Novotny: And he ends up bringing another kind of older pastor friend to sit down and talk with me.
• 8:58
  Mike Novotny: And I'll uh Chris, I'll never forget the conversation.
• 9:00
  Mike Novotny: I'm late 20s, brand new.
• 9:02
  Mike Novotny: I'm sitting at this table in my office, it's nighttime.
• 9:05
  Mike Novotny: And this pastor, he was pretty empathetic, but he was just trying to tell me, you know, man, this is what it is.
• 9:10
  Mike Novotny: We got to put in crazy, you got to work 80, 90, 100 hours a week to be a good pastor.
• 9:15
  Mike Novotny: And uh he's kind of giving me this speech and he he pauses right in the middle of it and he breaks down crying.
• 9:24
  Mike Novotny: Really?
• 9:25
  Mike Novotny: It's like older, pretty successful pastor in our community.
• 9:28
  Mike Novotny: And this confession comes out of him where he starts saying, you know, his his wife was the one who basically parented their children because he was a he was a married Christian pastor, but he the the church was his real family.
• 9:43
  Mike Novotny: And I'm sitting there thinking, like, I don't know, I don't know much about much, but I I think this is a really important conversation for my life.
• 9:50
  Mike Novotny: I uh 50 years from now, I don't want to be breaking down in tears thinking I neglected the bride that God gave me and the children that God entrusted to me because I was serving people who didn't even know my middle name.
• 10:02
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 10:03
  Mike Novotny: Um I think that's tempting for guys because honestly, I I don't know what what everyone does, but I have a hunch that a successful marriage is harder than being successful at work.
• 10:14
  Mike Novotny: Yes.
• 10:15
  Mike Novotny: Hands down, more exposing, more personal.
• 10:17
  Mike Novotny: So there's always this temptation to run where it's easier and to take the path of least resistance, which is to walk away from hard conversations at home and thrive at work.
• 10:27
  Mike Novotny: And so from that day on, I just decided like, man, of course I want to be a good pastor and faithful to my call.
• 10:34
  Mike Novotny: But 50 years from now, what I want is that me and my wife break down in tears of joy over a great marriage instead of frustration of the marriage that we missed.
• 10:44
  Chris Grainger: Man, you nailed that right there, right?
• 10:46
  Chris Grainger: I mean, we put so much of our identity in people who really could care less about us when it comes at the end of the day, right?
• 10:52
  Chris Grainger: And it's versus like, you know, the I love how you said they don't even know your middle name.
• 10:56
  Chris Grainger: That's a great way to put it.
• 10:58
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 10:58
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 10:58
  Mike Novotny: My uh my pastor growing up, when I started to become a pastor, he he gave me this advice that I honestly I thought was garbage when I first heard it.
• 11:06
  Mike Novotny: I I think I laughed in his face, even though I respected him.
• 11:08
  Mike Novotny: He said, Mike, when you get to your first church, I want you to sit down at your first like church leadership meeting, and I want you to ask everyone in the room how many hours you should work.
• 11:17
  Mike Novotny: Really?
• 11:19
  Mike Novotny: Okay.
• 11:19
  Mike Novotny: And I said to him, I'm like, that sounds like the worst first impression a man can make.
• 11:23
  Mike Novotny: Like, hey, what's like the bare minimum I have to do to not make you mad?
• 11:27
  Mike Novotny: I just don't want to get fired.
• 11:29
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 11:29
  Mike Novotny: And he said, No, no, no.
• 11:31
  Mike Novotny: Like you could work, you could work double what you should, but you're not gonna show up at like one person's pet ministry and they're gonna be frustrated with you.
• 11:39
  Mike Novotny: So just like get some mutually agreed upon expectations.
• 11:41
  Mike Novotny: So it turned into the best moment of my ministry, Chris.
• 11:44
  Mike Novotny: I I'm a fresh faced pastor.
• 11:46
  Mike Novotny: I sit down at this table, these really godly men in the room, and I I put it this way: I said, um, you know, I don't want to have to fake like I have a good marriage when I show up on Sunday with my wife.
• 12:00
  Mike Novotny: Um, I don't want anyone to have to be a hypocrite paste on a mask.
• 12:03
  Mike Novotny: I want us to deeply love each other as an example for this church.
• 12:06
  Mike Novotny: I want my kids to love organized religion and not resent it because they took their father.
• 12:11
  Mike Novotny: I want to have a good personal relationship with Jesus because I have space and margin to do it.
• 12:16
  Mike Novotny: And I want to be a faithful shepherd to this church.
• 12:19
  Mike Novotny: So if you guys run my seat, how many hours do you think you could work at church and still be a great husband and father and Christian?
• 12:27
  Mike Novotny: And to their credit, they went around the table and all of them picked a number, guy after guy after guy, and we took the average of the numbers that they gave me of like, here's what I think I could do well with this.
• 12:38
  Mike Novotny: And for the last uh 19 years, that's kind of been like a um a sweet spot for me to try to like work hard and faithfully, but not so much that I neglect these relationships that we're talking about in this book and that matter so much to God.
• 12:52
  Mike Novotny: All right.
• 12:52
  Mike Novotny: So I mean, the natural nice question is what's the number, man?
• 12:55
  Chris Grainger: Like, where did it land?
• 12:56
  Chris Grainger: We have to know.
• 12:57
  Chris Grainger: I'll tell you, but guess first.
• 12:59
  Chris Grainger: What do you think they what do you think these guys said?
• 13:02
  Mike Novotny: I would say between 40 and 50, somewhere like 45.
• 13:07
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, 50 was the number.
• 13:09
  Mike Novotny: 50.
• 13:09
  Mike Novotny: So 45, 55, 50.
• 13:12
  Mike Novotny: Some said 40, some said 60, but uh a good average was uh 50 faithful hours a week, not dinking around on my phone, but serving people as best I can.
• 13:22
  Mike Novotny: And for 19 years, that's that's what I've done.
• 13:24
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 13:25
  Chris Grainger: And that's it, that's still a big target.
• 13:27
  Chris Grainger: I mean, 50 hours a week doing God's work, I mean, that will wear you out.
• 13:30
  Chris Grainger: So yeah.
• 13:31
  Chris Grainger: Sound like you had good counsel right there.
• 13:33
  Chris Grainger: It's good.
• 13:34
  Mike Novotny: Man, that's I'm glad the people that I thought weren't wise were were actually were wise.
• 13:40
  Mike Novotny: So it's really blessed me in life.
• 13:43
  Chris Grainger: You man.
• 13:44
  Chris Grainger: Well, you had the that that that wisdom of those group of guys who were speaking to your life early in your career there.
• 13:50
  Chris Grainger: But I've noticed, you know, for lots of you know uh Christian couples when they get married, for the guys in particular, we don't have that type of wisdom uh speaking to us about a good godly marriage.
• 14:02
  Chris Grainger: And so how how are you hoping your book and your resources here and in the things that you're doing is gonna help guys at least identify that gap, right?
• 14:09
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
• 14:11
  Mike Novotny: That's so huge.
• 14:12
  Mike Novotny: I I think if I didn't have like some good guy friends in my corner, man, my my marriage could have gone off the rails a bunch of times.
• 14:19
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 14:20
  Mike Novotny: Um we have a group, uh we call it our Supper Club.
• 14:23
  Mike Novotny: It's uh five couples.
• 14:24
  Mike Novotny: We actually got together last night, me and my wife.
• 14:26
  Mike Novotny: The Supper Club.
• 14:27
  Mike Novotny: Okay.
• 14:27
  Mike Novotny: That's it.
• 14:28
  Mike Novotny: And uh every couple, we got to go around the room and our friends say, All right, on the count of three, you gotta give your marriage a letter grade.
• 14:36
  Mike Novotny: And you can't you can't talk about it with your spouse before you get there.
• 14:39
  Mike Novotny: So you don't need to say you and your wife do it at the same time.
• 14:42
  Mike Novotny: Exact same time.
• 14:43
  Mike Novotny: One, two, three, and she says B plus, and I say A minus, or what you know, whatever it might be.
• 14:47
  Mike Novotny: Okay, okay.
• 14:48
  Mike Novotny: And kind of what we found is that obviously marriage is a hard relationship, but to have other people there that can like let you know this is a normal struggle, or bro, like don't come at her too hard because you got stuff you need to work on too.
• 15:03
  Mike Novotny: Just like good iron sharpens iron kind of accountability.
• 15:06
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 15:07
  Mike Novotny: That, you know, if if I can talk about marriage and money and temptation, if if guys have an outlet for how you're doing with alcohol or the internet or pornography or serving your wife, or like when there's just a good, like safe Christian environment where the Bible's open and people are people of prayer, like that.
• 15:25
  Mike Novotny: I you can get off track, but you get back on track really quickly when you live in that kind of community.
• 15:30
  Mike Novotny: Most guys, I don't know.
• 15:32
  Mike Novotny: I I find a lot of guys that I minister to at church, they don't have that, but all it takes is like one vulnerable conversation with a good brother in Christ, and almost always they find it that fast.
• 15:43
  Mike Novotny: Right, right.
• 15:45
  Chris Grainger: That's I love that, man.
• 15:46
  Chris Grainger: I love that.
• 15:47
  Chris Grainger: That's awesome that you that you that you're recognizing that you're putting those couples together and things like that.
• 15:51
  Chris Grainger: Yeah, I mean, how about you know, uh as guys start thinking about this, how do we find those types of couples and and those types of spiritual, I guess, the elders that could be speaking into our life as young married men?
• 16:06
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, I think there's a natural affinity.
• 16:08
  Mike Novotny: I mean, if you just talk to someone, you can probably tell within five minutes of like if you're clicking or not.
• 16:14
  Mike Novotny: So I would say take the big pool of humans you interact with.
• 16:17
  Mike Novotny: Who do you just kind of like being around?
• 16:20
  Mike Novotny: And then what I found if you just invite a guy out for uh, you know, grab a cup of coffee or lunch sometime or breakfast, and and I was called like testing the waters with transparency.
• 16:30
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 16:31
  Mike Novotny: So if I open up just a little bit and say, Yeah, man, marriage can be kind of tough, huh?
• 16:35
  Mike Novotny: And all almost always the response of a man to that question is gonna let me know how specific and personal and vulnerable I can be.
• 16:44
  Mike Novotny: So does he respond with with empathy, with a listening ear, with his own confession of struggle?
• 16:51
  Mike Novotny: Um most guys underestimate the number of good men in their lives that could really help them.
• 16:56
  Mike Novotny: Um, they fear being judged, they fear looking weak.
• 16:59
  Mike Novotny: But I've kind of found like when you test the water with a guy you respect, man, uh God almost always provides like a Jonathan tier David and uh a guy who can walk with you and help you do marriage, right?
• 17:12
  Chris Grainger: 100%.
• 17:12
  Chris Grainger: So guys, we're gonna take our first break with Mike.
• 17:15
  Chris Grainger: We'll be right back and keep digging into it.
• 17:17
  Chris Grainger: If there's one habit that can change a home, it's this when a husband prays with his wife.
• 17:25
  Chris Grainger: Not because it's a magic formula, but because it recenters your marriage under God's authority and care.
• 17:31
  Chris Grainger: And let's be honest.
• 17:32
  Chris Grainger: A lot of guys want to do it, but most don't know how to start without it feeling awkward.
• 17:37
  Chris Grainger: Maybe you tried it before and it felt forced, or maybe you've never tried it because you don't even know what to say.
• 17:44
  Chris Grainger: Or maybe you're thinking, man, I'm not a pastor, I'm just a guy.
• 17:47
  Chris Grainger: And that's why we created this guide.
• 17:49
  Chris Grainger: It's our how to pray with your wife.
• 17:52
  Chris Grainger: Simple guide.
• 17:53
  Chris Grainger: It's biblical, it's practical, and it's designed to help you start praying with your wife in a way that actually feels natural.
• 18:01
  Chris Grainger: So it's a five-section guide, and it gives you a simple framework to get started.
• 18:06
  Chris Grainger: Okay, it makes sure everything is grounded in scripture, and also has a powerful PDF that you can pull up whenever you need, especially when things get off, because they're gonna get off.
• 18:17
  Chris Grainger: That's normal.
• 18:18
  Chris Grainger: So this is all about reclaiming your marriage and reclaiming the spiritual leadership range of your home.
• 18:24
  Chris Grainger: Because praying with your wife is one of the strongest ways to fight for unity, to build trust, and to right to ship when life starts to pull you off a course.
• 18:35
  Chris Grainger: So if you're ready, get access today at the lionwithin.us slash guides.
• 18:41
  Chris Grainger: That's the lionwithin.us slash guides.
• 18:45
  Chris Grainger: And start unleashing the lion within at home by leading your marriage through prayer.
• 18:51
  Chris Grainger: And Mike, as I was digging into the book, I mean, I love how you broke it down into different parts.
• 18:57
  Chris Grainger: Maybe just start off, why do you feel like the the you me God was the natural place to to to lay the foundation for you know any man in a marriage in in general?
• 19:10
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 19:11
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, I got married uh June 15th, 2003.
• 19:15
  Mike Novotny: There you go.
• 19:15
  Mike Novotny: I don't remember many sermons I've heard in my life, but I absolutely remember our wedding sermon.
• 19:19
  Mike Novotny: My pastor uh used that classic illustration of the marriage triangle.
• 19:23
  Mike Novotny: Do you know that one?
• 19:24
  Mike Novotny: You know, God's at the top, apex, you're down here, your wife's down here.
• 19:29
  Mike Novotny: And he just said, you know, if if Kim gets really close to Jesus, but you stay stuck spiritually, she'll be blessed spiritually, but you won't be blessed relationally.
• 19:38
  Mike Novotny: And vice versa.
• 19:40
  Mike Novotny: You might have a great faith, but if she doesn't invest herself into seeking the Lord, but if both of you do it together and it kind of traced up the sides of the triangle, as you get closer to God, the natural result is that you get closer to each other.
• 19:52
  Mike Novotny: Yes.
• 19:52
  Mike Novotny: Um, which is such a biblical thing.
• 19:54
  Mike Novotny: You know, how how do we learn to forgive even our spouse?
• 19:57
  Mike Novotny: Well, we get close to the God who's forgiven us so much.
• 20:00
  Mike Novotny: Um, are we patient when there's those like quirks we discover in the person we're married to?
• 20:05
  Mike Novotny: Well, we open our eyes to see we're pretty we're pretty flawed humans, and God is pretty jacked up ourselves.
• 20:11
  Mike Novotny: He's infinitely patient with us.
• 20:13
  Mike Novotny: So when we're both you know, you worry about so many things in marriage, but when you're both seeking God first, his kingdom and his righteousness, so many things just kind of resolve themselves because you're not just growing in like tips or tricks or hacks, you're growing in Christ-likeness.
• 20:28
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 20:29
  Mike Novotny: You're growing in humility.
• 20:30
  Mike Novotny: And man, I've done a lot of marriage counseling in the past 19 years.
• 20:34
  Mike Novotny: I've I've never had to do crisis counseling for two humble spouses.
• 20:39
  Chris Grainger: No point.
• 20:40
  Mike Novotny: Never.
• 20:40
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 20:40
  Mike Novotny: I mean, it's never like, oh, he he serves me too much or she's always putting me first.
• 20:45
  Mike Novotny: Like, no, it's it's just the opposite.
• 20:47
  Mike Novotny: It's when we turn inward on ourselves and we're trying to get what we want that things blow up.
• 20:51
  Mike Novotny: So, man, seeking Jesus just keeps you humble in the best way, and humility is the secret sauce of a great marriage.
• 20:57
  Mike Novotny: Yes.
• 20:59
  Chris Grainger: Hands down.
• 20:59
  Chris Grainger: Well, I love the triangle analogy that your pastor used to.
• 21:02
  Chris Grainger: Obviously, it stuck with you and and Kim as well.
• 21:05
  Chris Grainger: I'm sure you've had seasons in your life where that triangle did get out of whack and you had to do some course correction, right?
• 21:12
  Mike Novotny: Yes.
• 21:13
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, I've I've been to counseling twice in my life.
• 21:16
  Mike Novotny: Once was for my own addiction to pornography, and uh the second was uh uh on marriage counseling.
• 21:21
  Mike Novotny: So we were on year seven.
• 21:23
  Mike Novotny: We had two kids, two daughters 15 months apart, which was not the plan, but apparently it only takes once.
• 21:29
  Mike Novotny: And we're with you.
• 21:31
  Chris Grainger: I got the same thing, man.
• 21:32
  Chris Grainger: I got a 15 months apart and I got 14 months apart.
• 21:35
  Chris Grainger: So right there with you, bro.
• 21:37
  Chris Grainger: Yeah.
• 21:38
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, we were both working full time, and yeah, I mean, we we found out that you can love God and love each other, but sometimes life comes with its pressures and it kind of pulls you apart.
• 21:48
  Mike Novotny: So we had to do a kind of a big reset in learning how to how to put each other first again, how to listen to each other well.
• 21:55
  Mike Novotny: Um, for us, the the biggest struggle was intimacy.
• 21:57
  Mike Novotny: So just we were wired differently, had different expectations, and we just really had to learn about each other, about us as a couple, how to talk that through without this like tug of war trying to both get what we wanted at the same time.
• 22:09
  Mike Novotny: Um man, God was merciful.
• 22:12
  Mike Novotny: He forgave us for our sins.
• 22:14
  Mike Novotny: Um, he gave us ears to hear each other better.
• 22:17
  Mike Novotny: And, you know, now all these years later, we're we're so grateful that we're not in that spot where we were.
• 22:21
  Chris Grainger: Yeah.
• 22:22
  Chris Grainger: Hands down, man.
• 22:23
  Chris Grainger: I'm so glad that you guys were able to work through that.
• 22:25
  Chris Grainger: I mean, and the areas you talked about, which we're gonna touch on intimacy, but you it all came back to communication, which that is the big focus of your book.
• 22:32
  Chris Grainger: And I feel like so many guys that I that comes to the lion, they're just struggling with just understanding their bride.
• 22:38
  Chris Grainger: And understand, I mean, these guys could be married for you know two or three decades and they still don't understand.
• 22:43
  Chris Grainger: Like, well, boys, we probably should have worked on this a while back.
• 22:45
  Chris Grainger: But why do you think that's is such a big gap for so so many guys and just understanding what their wife is trying to tell them and just being able to receive that and and and discern that and be able to lead well from there?
• 22:59
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, communication is hard, especially because you didn't.
• 23:01
  Mike Novotny: Just marry a prettier version of you.
• 23:04
  Mike Novotny: So amen to that, brother.
• 23:09
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 23:11
  Mike Novotny: I mean, just people have different styles.
• 23:12
  Mike Novotny: Some people are wordy.
• 23:14
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 23:14
  Mike Novotny: Some people have to talk to figure out what they think.
• 23:17
  Mike Novotny: And other people have to think a lot before they talk.
• 23:20
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 23:21
  Mike Novotny: Um, Kim and I are kind of the opposite.
• 23:23
  Mike Novotny: I mean, we get into long arguments at night, and you know, she'd be thinking about it, kind of have her back to me, and I'd be talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking.
• 23:32
  Mike Novotny: And then like 15 minutes in, I would she would twitch and I would say, Wait, were were you sleeping during our You can't sleep while we're arguing?
• 23:42
  Chris Grainger: You gotta stay awake for this.
• 23:43
  Mike Novotny: I was on point 17 of this rock solid case I was making about why I was right.
• 23:47
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, but I, you know, I had to I had to learn like, okay, I I I talk a lot to figure out how I feel about something, but that can be really exhausting for a person who wants to think about everything that's said.
• 23:58
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 23:59
  Mike Novotny: And, you know, just kind of, you know, getting your PhD in the person that you married.
• 24:03
  Mike Novotny: Um too many guys can win like their local fantasy football league because they pay attention to the details and they make weekly adjustments, but they they don't pay that careful attention to their bride, like what they're feeling, what they're going through, what helps them relax, what makes them feel close.
• 24:20
  Mike Novotny: I don't I don't think you need like superhuman intelligence.
• 24:23
  Mike Novotny: You just have to pay attention to the right thing.
• 24:25
  Mike Novotny: So, you know, the de the devil is so good at what he does.
• 24:28
  Mike Novotny: So he gets us really fixated on things of small value and he gets us to to kind of tune out of things that are of great value.
• 24:37
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 24:38
  Mike Novotny: And I think how how your wife is feeling today is something of great value.
• 24:42
  Mike Novotny: If you dismiss her, man, just bit by bit and day by day, she's gonna disconnect and drift from you.
• 24:49
  Mike Novotny: Um and she might not communicate like you communicate or want what you want or desire what you desire, but that doesn't matter.
• 24:54
  Mike Novotny: It's about how can I be quick to listen and slow to speak and just show like a little glimpse of the love of Jesus to this woman that God has put in front of me.
• 25:03
  Mike Novotny: So pay attention to the right things, and I think you'll end up on the right path.
• 25:07
  Chris Grainger: How about for like for me and my marriage, one thing we've learned recently is that my wife is ADHD.
• 25:13
  Chris Grainger: I mean, and and she and we late in life got diagnosed with it, right?
• 25:17
  Chris Grainger: So I mean, so we're really trying to figure this stuff out.
• 25:19
  Chris Grainger: But the more and more couples and guys and and Christian counselors and things that I speak with, it's it's more prevalent than than uh most people would think.
• 25:29
  Chris Grainger: And so your your spouse may have that ADHD or ADHD type of tendency.
• 25:34
  Chris Grainger: So when that happens, you know, or question, I guess maybe the question is how often are you seeing those types of things come up?
• 25:40
  Chris Grainger: Because that was off my radar of of even a thing to uh a thought of a thought.
• 25:45
  Chris Grainger: But now that I know it, you know, I've been able to study and learn, and now I, you know, and not study my wife, but I want to know her better.
• 25:52
  Chris Grainger: I want to know know how she thinks so that I can you know love her better.
• 25:55
  Chris Grainger: So are you seeing those types of things come up more often with people you're speaking with these days?
• 26:00
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, yeah.
• 26:01
  Chris Grainger: Just recently that very situation.
• 26:03
  Mike Novotny: Um I see more broadly, you know, every couple and every person has something.
• 26:08
  Mike Novotny: So, you know, maybe I don't have ADHD, but I I I often talk way too much.
• 26:13
  Mike Novotny: Um, maybe someone is really caring and thoughtful, but they're super anxious.
• 26:18
  Mike Novotny: So you just have to know you didn't marry Jesus.
• 26:22
  Mike Novotny: Right, right.
• 26:23
  Mike Novotny: They have a weakness and a flaw, and you got to take the good with the bad, and you have to learn as best you can how they think so you know how to love them well.
• 26:30
  Mike Novotny: Um, that's why kind of generic advice just doesn't work.
• 26:34
  Mike Novotny: It's more about how can you communicate to such an extent that you could really express your spouse's emotions in your own words.
• 26:42
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 26:43
  Mike Novotny: And and once they can say, yes, that's exactly how I feel, or that's why I'm that's why I'm happy, or that's why I'm frustrated, like that's the level you want to get to.
• 26:51
  Mike Novotny: I want to be able to know you so well that I can just put it in my own words and make you feel uh I know people overuse the phrase, but seen and heard and understood, like like I totally get your heart.
• 27:01
  Chris Grainger: Yeah.
• 27:02
  Chris Grainger: And you also mentioned that you know there's a tension with you and Cam.
• 27:05
  Chris Grainger: You mentioned intimacy, and I hear that all the time.
• 27:08
  Chris Grainger: That's a big struggle with marriages, particularly, I mean, just your topic at hand, newlyweds, they're trying to figure out this whole thing called being married together.
• 27:18
  Chris Grainger: Then you throw this complicated, well, it could be complicated times, a topic of sex in the middle of it, and that just could be it takes the train off the rails in so many different areas.
• 27:27
  Chris Grainger: So yeah, what's what's your encouragement for guys in this area?
• 27:31
  Chris Grainger: So my how long is this podcast?
• 27:33
  Chris Grainger: Five hours?
• 27:33
  Chris Grainger: That's right.
• 27:36
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, this is part one.
• 27:37
  Mike Novotny: Oh, you know, uh so there's two ditches we want to be careful with when it comes to sex.
• 27:42
  Mike Novotny: Um, one is, and I experienced a little bit of this, uh, a world where most sex education happens through pornography, where most of what you see and hear that shapes your beliefs about it is fictional and it's simple.
• 27:59
  Mike Novotny: I mean, that that's how porn.
• 28:00
  Mike Novotny: I was addicted to porn for over 10 years.
• 28:03
  Mike Novotny: And I think the way that it most kind of messed with my marriage was that it it taught me time and time and time again to think that sex was always going to be easy.
• 28:11
  Mike Novotny: You don't have to be patient.
• 28:13
  Mike Novotny: People aren't different, you know, in porn, everyone's always excited and has a good time.
• 28:17
  Mike Novotny: And real life is much more complex than that.
• 28:19
  Mike Novotny: Sometimes you're in the mood, sometimes you're not.
• 28:21
  Mike Novotny: Sometimes the time is right, sometimes you're not, sometimes you're communicating.
• 28:24
  Mike Novotny: Sometimes you have to do a lot of chores before your spouse is interested in giving you a kiss.
• 28:28
  Mike Novotny: It's called chore play, unofficially.
• 28:30
  Mike Novotny: So, you know, there's there's that where the world can kind of shape you.
• 28:34
  Mike Novotny: But but I think there's the a pendulum swing that's really dangerous for a lot of Christian couples, and that's you have a high view of sexual morality, but you just don't talk that much about sex.
• 28:45
  Mike Novotny: You know, you'll go a year without saying, I like that, or I didn't like that, or have you ever thought about or would you be interested in?
• 28:53
  Mike Novotny: Or it would kind of be fun if we tried this.
• 28:55
  Mike Novotny: I think, you know, a lot of couples, because they're afraid of being sexually immoral, they're kind of skittish around the topic of sex itself when when the Bible is not at all like that.
• 29:05
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 29:05
  Mike Novotny: You know, read Song of Songs, read, I mean, it takes God what one or two pages in his holy word to talk about being fruitful and being naked and not being ashamed.
• 29:14
  Mike Novotny: So if you literally talk more about like your tax returns than your sex life, so something has gone very, very wrong.
• 29:22
  Mike Novotny: But but that's so so common.
• 29:24
  Mike Novotny: So don't be embarrassed to communicate, especially if you're a newlywed, is it going to be awkward?
• 29:29
  Mike Novotny: For sure.
• 29:30
  Mike Novotny: Is it gonna be new?
• 29:31
  Mike Novotny: For sure.
• 29:32
  Mike Novotny: Are you is it gonna be clunky as you figure each other out and your bodies and your desires?
• 29:36
  Mike Novotny: For sure.
• 29:36
  Mike Novotny: But as you keep talking about those things, what they find statistically is that older married couples have the most satisfying sex lives.
• 29:44
  Mike Novotny: Not because they were great from the start, but because through experience and trial and error, they they just learned how to serve each other well sexually.
• 29:51
  Mike Novotny: So keep those communication lines open.
• 29:53
  Mike Novotny: Don't be immoral, but don't be too embarrassed and awkward about it either.
• 29:56
  Chris Grainger: I wonder why we don't talk about those stats right there about the older, more sexually satisfied couples and doing it God's way.
• 30:04
  Chris Grainger: I mean, I know why, because the evil one loves to distort it.
• 30:07
  Chris Grainger: He's he's attacking marriage.
• 30:09
  Chris Grainger: But I mean, the the stats that I've seen, and apparently you've seen the same ones as well, show that dissatisfaction around, you know, monogamous couples who do do do it God's way, you know, and and they're true to each other, they are the most sexually satisfied couples out there.
• 30:27
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, uh I've spoken at like college campus groups, and I said, you know, likely the most sexually satisfied people in your family are probably like your grandparents or your old aunts and uncles, and just the gasp of disbelief of like, what?
• 30:42
  Mike Novotny: No, they're wrinkled and gray and gross.
• 30:45
  Mike Novotny: Like, right?
• 30:46
  Mike Novotny: No, no, no, no.
• 30:47
  Mike Novotny: So it must have been the world that taught you that, you know, a perfectly fit body is what makes for a good sexual experience, but it's not.
• 30:54
  Mike Novotny: It's patience and kindness and humility and sacrifice and selflessness and communication.
• 31:00
  Mike Novotny: So it you know, the world is always trying to get to pleasure through a shortcut.
• 31:05
  Mike Novotny: And no, you you end up falling into pits when you try to take the shortcut.
• 31:09
  Mike Novotny: And God's way around is long.
• 31:11
  Mike Novotny: I mean, he's pretty uh he's pretty strict and cautious and conservative when it comes to sex, but man, as you said before, it just leads to a healthier, closer bond and a good connection in the end.
• 31:23
  Chris Grainger: Yeah.
• 31:24
  Chris Grainger: But this whole lot of the world of just getting together, living together, breaking up, and then just starting to cycle all over again.
• 31:31
  Chris Grainger: It's just it's maddening.
• 31:33
  Chris Grainger: And but now we we we're supposed to just accept that or even encourage that.
• 31:38
  Chris Grainger: When you gotta kick tires, right?
• 31:39
  Chris Grainger: You gotta take for a test ride.
• 31:40
  Chris Grainger: I'm like, no, bro, you don't.
• 31:41
  Chris Grainger: This is not a car.
• 31:43
  Chris Grainger: Like this is this is the a daughter of the king.
• 31:45
  Chris Grainger: So we need to make sure we uh we respect that the way we do.
• 31:48
  Chris Grainger: But man, it's uh I think the stats around the satisfaction, they just get underplayed way too much.
• 31:54
  Mike Novotny: I would also want to add for people like me, um, Kim and I were virgins when we got married, but obviously I brought a lot of sexual sin, and I'm so grateful that the Bible that I love is filled with sexual sinners that God saved.
• 32:07
  Mike Novotny: So, you know, David fell, and the woman at the well fell, and the Corinthians and the Ephesians fell, and the woman caught in the act of adultery, but God shows up with amazing mercy and grace.
• 32:19
  Mike Novotny: So I bet there's a lot of guys listening who have a lot of sexual regret and sin, and just to know that the cross of Jesus is sufficient for that, and his blood purified me from all of my pornographic sins, and it's the the price he paid for your sins too.
• 32:34
  Chris Grainger: And maybe speak to that.
• 32:35
  Chris Grainger: I mean, we don't want to harp on it, but it's it's worth speaking to the fact that there's probably guys listening.
• 32:39
  Chris Grainger: I mean, that not probably, there are guys listening who are married, probably have kids, you know, they're they're you know, they're faithful to the wife, they're not sleeping with anyone else, but they're looking at porn.
• 32:50
  Chris Grainger: And in their mind, they've they've kind of they they resolved that well, they're not physically cheating on her, therefore it's not bad.
• 32:57
  Chris Grainger: So what do you say to a guy who's kind of caught in that cycle of he's married, he he's you know, physically he's he's true to her, but he's still looking at pornography.
• 33:06
  Chris Grainger: Like what how what's your encouragement, or what will be your word there to that guy?
• 33:11
  Mike Novotny: I think I take him back to the words of Jesus.
• 33:14
  Mike Novotny: Um, anyone who looks at another woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart.
• 33:18
  Mike Novotny: And what I've seen from I mean, because I've been so open about my struggle, I I feel like I get to minister to people struggling with pornography constantly every single week.
• 33:29
  Mike Novotny: And what you find out is that it's much more damaging than you think.
• 33:34
  Mike Novotny: You you might justify it in your head.
• 33:36
  Mike Novotny: Well, at least I'm not kissing another woman or I'm not sleeping with someone at work.
• 33:39
  Mike Novotny: But I'll tell you what, when she discovers your search history and finds out that not just have you been sexually immoral, but you've been lying to her.
• 33:47
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, you've been hiding from her.
• 33:49
  Mike Novotny: Um, she's gonna say things like, I hear wives say all the time, why am I not good enough for you?
• 33:54
  Mike Novotny: And why am I not enough for you?
• 33:56
  Mike Novotny: Why are you not attracted to me?
• 33:58
  Mike Novotny: What what else are you lying about?
• 34:00
  Mike Novotny: So please do not give the devil a foothold to think, well, it's not this really bad sin, it's just this kind of small sin.
• 34:06
  Mike Novotny: That's not at all how Jesus saw it.
• 34:08
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 34:09
  Mike Novotny: And I I totally get it.
• 34:11
  Mike Novotny: Oh my goodness, I get it.
• 34:12
  Mike Novotny: But you have to practice 1 Corinthians 6 and flee from sexual immorality.
• 34:18
  Mike Novotny: And I think one of the best ways that you flee is James 5.16, that you confess your sins to one another and pray for each other.
• 34:25
  Mike Novotny: So for guys who are struggling, I've I've been there.
• 34:29
  Mike Novotny: And honestly, I had read the Bible cover to cover, I had memorized all the sexual purity passages, but the the only thing that made a notable difference in my life was telling other people.
• 34:39
  Mike Novotny: Coming out of the darkness into the light, confessing my sins, humbling myself.
• 34:45
  Mike Novotny: You know, God just used that, and it wasn't a light switch, but it was a dimmer switch that started to move in the right direction.
• 34:50
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 34:50
  Mike Novotny: So I know you're scared to do it, but you you gotta do it.
• 34:53
  Mike Novotny: And a year from now you won't regret if you did.
• 34:56
  Chris Grainger: And for you, in a position that you were in, I mean, not just to mention your marriage, having that open transparency with your wife, what made you want to take it to the next level where you talk about this openly on your platforms from the pulpit, you know, you're sharing this, and you know, some some council will be like, You're sharing too much, and some council is like, no, you need to.
• 35:15
  Chris Grainger: So, I mean, what how how did you make that decision on, you know, I gotta be open and transparent about this across the board?
• 35:21
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 35:23
  Mike Novotny: I look back and I think it's wild to think that some of the best ministry I've done in two decades has been through my own failure.
• 35:32
  Mike Novotny: Um that when I talk about my strengths, here's a look at all these books that I've read behind me.
• 35:38
  Mike Novotny: I mean, it inspires like one person.
• 35:40
  Mike Novotny: But when I'm kind of honest about my struggles, like I love God, I was in my Bible, I believed in Jesus, and yet I still fell into this temptation.
• 35:49
  Mike Novotny: That was the thing where 99 hands would raise in the air and say, Me too.
• 35:53
  Mike Novotny: And I'm I was scared to talk about it until you talked about it.
• 35:56
  Mike Novotny: So I've kind of learned, especially as a leader, that confession is like a boomerang.
• 36:01
  Mike Novotny: And that if if I play it safe, most of our church plays it safe too.
• 36:06
  Mike Novotny: But if God can give me the wisdom and the courage to talk about things in an appropriate way, of course, but in a pretty candid, vulnerable way, man.
• 36:14
  Mike Novotny: The amount of ministry that I get to do from people who just needed someone to make the first confession is profound to me.
• 36:20
  Mike Novotny: Amen.
• 36:22
  Chris Grainger: Thank you for sharing that, Mike.
• 36:23
  Chris Grainger: I mean, hats out to you for having the courage to come forth to say that and to stand on it.
• 36:28
  Chris Grainger: So, guys, we'll take our next break with Mike.
• 36:30
  Chris Grainger: We'll be right back.
• 36:31
  Chris Grainger: It's time to stop battling pornography, lust, and temptation alone.
• 36:38
  Chris Grainger: We're done sitting on the sidelines, seeing shame win, and hearing from guys that are fighting private wars with no backup.
• 36:46
  Chris Grainger: So we decided it's time to fight back.
• 36:49
  Chris Grainger: We have our sexual integrity support group, which is a confidential space inside the lion's den for men who are ready to step into the light and pursue real freedom.
• 36:59
  Chris Grainger: This isn't just for guys in crisis, by the way.
• 37:02
  Chris Grainger: It's for any man who's tired of the cycle, who's tired of living in secret, who's tired of saying, This is gonna be the last time.
• 37:09
  Chris Grainger: Look, most guys don't need another app or some rules.
• 37:13
  Chris Grainger: They need some brothers to come alongside them to say you're not the only one.
• 37:17
  Chris Grainger: This doesn't define you.
• 37:19
  Chris Grainger: And freedom is possible.
• 37:20
  Chris Grainger: So look, inside our group, you're gonna find a confidential, judgment-free forum to engage and ask questions.
• 37:28
  Chris Grainger: You'll have honest conversations without condemnation.
• 37:32
  Chris Grainger: And you'll also have a monthly call with a trusted guide.
• 37:36
  Chris Grainger: So look, this isn't just about stopping pornography, it's about becoming a man of integrity, a man aligned, a man who lives in freedom, not secrecy.
• 37:48
  Chris Grainger: And you don't have to clean yourself up first to come.
• 37:51
  Chris Grainger: You just have to step in.
• 37:52
  Chris Grainger: So our sexual integrity support group is found inside the lion's den.
• 37:57
  Chris Grainger: And you can start that today with a 30-day free trial.
• 38:01
  Chris Grainger: So if you're ready to stop fighting alone and need that extra support, start your 30-day free trial right now at thelionwithin.us.
• 38:11
  Chris Grainger: That's thelionwithin.us, and step inside the lion's den.
• 38:17
  Chris Grainger: So the next area I thought was interesting when I was looking at your book, you you talked about in-laws.
• 38:23
  Chris Grainger: And when I did a leadership course years ago at the Lion, and in one of the parts of the leadership course under the husband section, I called it in-laws and outlaws.
• 38:34
  Chris Grainger: So when I saw yours about, you know, when your in-laws annoy you, I'm like, uh-huh.
• 38:40
  Chris Grainger: All right.
• 38:41
  Chris Grainger: We got let's let's talk about that one.
• 38:43
  Chris Grainger: So maybe high-level encouragement for a guy, maybe he doesn't.
• 38:47
  Chris Grainger: I get it, which I get along with my in-laws.
• 38:49
  Chris Grainger: I love them, but I know lots of guys don't.
• 38:51
  Chris Grainger: So just curious, what would be your message to that guy?
• 38:53
  Chris Grainger: It's like, man, you're a man, her family.
• 38:55
  Chris Grainger: Make sure you know that, bro.
• 38:58
  Mike Novotny: You know, now that my uh my daughters are 18 and 16, and I I think I have more compassion on being an in-law than I ever did 10 years ago.
• 39:06
  Mike Novotny: Because, you know, I've invested so much into my daughters.
• 39:09
  Mike Novotny: We have our family traditions and habits.
• 39:11
  Mike Novotny: And to think that like in a couple years, there's going to be some guy maybe who swoops in.
• 39:16
  Mike Novotny: They say I do.
• 39:17
  Mike Novotny: And then suddenly he's like the primary guy in her life.
• 39:21
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 39:22
  Mike Novotny: After I've loved, I mean, he didn't pay for her college.
• 39:25
  Mike Novotny: I did.
• 39:25
  Mike Novotny: He didn't change.
• 39:26
  Mike Novotny: Well, I've loved her and I love her so deeply.
• 39:30
  Mike Novotny: I mean, so I it helped me kind of reframe it's easy to poke at in-laws.
• 39:35
  Mike Novotny: It's easy to see them as meddling.
• 39:37
  Mike Novotny: But man, if your spouse comes from a tight-knit family that really does love each other and wants what's best and came up with their own traditions and habits and rhythms that really help them to flourish in their life as a as a family, that's no small thing to just step in and say, Well, I'm your spouse now.
• 39:55
  Mike Novotny: So I think that's why the two kind of key biblical words that we find that guide our discussion are the words leave and honor.
• 40:02
  Mike Novotny: So a man must leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.
• 40:07
  Mike Novotny: And yet the commandment honor your father and mother still applies.
• 40:10
  Mike Novotny: So I think guys tend to struggle with one or the other.
• 40:14
  Mike Novotny: Some are really good at leaving.
• 40:15
  Mike Novotny: Hey, this is my new family, my marriage.
• 40:17
  Mike Novotny: Thanks for the advice, mom and dad, but this is us now.
• 40:21
  Mike Novotny: But they can be very dishonorable.
• 40:23
  Mike Novotny: Uh-huh.
• 40:24
  Mike Novotny: I think, especially in like an American individualistic culture, that's a huge temptation.
• 40:28
  Mike Novotny: Where other people have an incredible amount of honor and respect for their parents, but they find it really hard to leave.
• 40:34
  Mike Novotny: Uh, they end up not being people pleasers, but parent pleasers.
• 40:38
  Mike Novotny: Uh-huh.
• 40:39
  Mike Novotny: And they'd rather disappoint their wife than disappoint their mother or their father.
• 40:42
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 40:43
  Mike Novotny: And so learning to hold those two things in tension, I think, is the key.
• 40:46
  Mike Novotny: If you just leave but you don't honor, you lose the relationship.
• 40:49
  Mike Novotny: And if you just honor, but you don't leave, you damage the relationship with your spouse.
• 40:54
  Mike Novotny: So hold holding those two is kind of the secret sauce that we're trying to get to.
• 40:57
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, absolutely.
• 40:59
  Chris Grainger: Yeah, I mean, that's that's important for sure.
• 41:01
  Chris Grainger: I mean, I tell guys now, you know, if your wife comes from a tight-knit family, she has a good relationship with her mother, and they talk on the phone.
• 41:09
  Chris Grainger: That's a good thing.
• 41:11
  Chris Grainger: Like, don't discourage that.
• 41:12
  Chris Grainger: You know, I mean, we got to make sure we set the right boundaries and things like that in place.
• 41:15
  Chris Grainger: And that's a conversation between you and your spouse.
• 41:17
  Chris Grainger: But, you know, don't look down on that or try to try to disrupt that.
• 41:21
  Chris Grainger: Because I think I've just seen where that's it's so helpful just to have that in place for her.
• 41:26
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, and invest in that.
• 41:28
  Mike Novotny: If she's close to her mom, try to get close to her mom.
• 41:31
  Mike Novotny: Invite her up for coffee, get to know her, ask her questions.
• 41:33
  Mike Novotny: I have a hunch, man, she'll love you more and your wife will love you more for loving her mother more.
• 41:38
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 41:39
  Mike Novotny: A threat or a competition, see as an opportunity to connect.
• 41:43
  Chris Grainger: Well, I know the last part of your book you talk about is something that just hits hits me in my heart because this is what I preach to guys all the time.
• 41:50
  Chris Grainger: And I get eye rolls a whole lot, but I'm just telling the guys, I'm like, little boy, you why you you could clean your truck up and get dressed up, and you made the time when you were trying to pursue her, but now that you're, you know, you put a wing uh ring on it, all of a sudden, like you're too too busy to go out on a date, or you got these little munchkins running around and they're grabbing at your ankles all day long, and and you gotta take care of them.
• 42:12
  Chris Grainger: And I'm like, no, bro, like you got to make this a priority of having a date night and and get it into as a rhythm.
• 42:20
  Chris Grainger: And so why did you put that chapter in there?
• 42:22
  Chris Grainger: What was what was God calling on you?
• 42:24
  Chris Grainger: I just feel like this is so overlooked in the Christian community.
• 42:27
  Chris Grainger: We gotta, we gotta date our spouses, man.
• 42:30
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, that's the key.
• 42:31
  Mike Novotny: I have a little uh I should show you on my phone.
• 42:33
  Mike Novotny: I have a file.
• 42:34
  Mike Novotny: I never let my wife see it.
• 42:35
  Mike Novotny: It's called dude D-U-W-D.
• 42:38
  Mike Novotny: It stands for date until we die.
• 42:41
  Mike Novotny: And every time Kim says something like, Oh, I want to try this restaurant, or she's interested in a gift, or we could vacation to this place.
• 42:49
  Mike Novotny: I secretly pull up my phone and I write down, like, I'm studying my wife.
• 42:52
  Mike Novotny: Like, what how can I date her until the day that we die?
• 42:55
  Mike Novotny: And we kind of built into the rhythm of our life.
• 42:58
  Mike Novotny: We we had a Bible study we went to kind of early on that gave this general framework for healthy marriages.
• 43:03
  Mike Novotny: Um, the pastor said, You should talk like every day, just have like a real no phones, face-to-face conversation, talk every day, date every week, yeah, get out of town every quarter, like a night out somewhere, and vacation every year.
• 43:18
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 43:18
  Mike Novotny: Just you and her, right.
• 43:20
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 43:20
  Mike Novotny: And that's a like that's a pretty aggressive plan.
• 43:22
  Mike Novotny: We definitely haven't uh been 100% on doing it, but man, especially the dating every week.
• 43:29
  Mike Novotny: We found even if it was a busy week, even if the kids were crazy, if we just had a set thing in our calendar that our friends and family knew about, like we're not working, we're not saying yes to going out with friends.
• 43:41
  Mike Novotny: No, Friday night is our night.
• 43:42
  Mike Novotny: And it just would always help us reconnect, communicate.
• 43:46
  Mike Novotny: Uh often intimacy was best when we knew it was coming.
• 43:49
  Mike Novotny: So you just, you know, you get excited about it on the way.
• 43:51
  Mike Novotny: So, man, I uh I would have to write a big check, or someone would have to write me a big check to give up date night.
• 43:58
  Mike Novotny: It has just been a lifeline to our marriage, and I I can't imagine uh being married without it.
• 44:03
  Chris Grainger: We've had to shift hours too, Mike.
• 44:04
  Chris Grainger: Because I mean we have we have four kids, we have a farm, we have a lot of a lot of entrepreneurial things happening.
• 44:10
  Chris Grainger: So the weekend actually is our busy times for us, you know, the business pick for riding lessons for our horses, and I mean it's a it's a whole thing, right?
• 44:18
  Chris Grainger: So but we have said, okay, all right, babe.
• 44:21
  Chris Grainger: So if we can't, Friday nights and Saturday nights are not really optional for us anymore, what is?
• 44:27
  Chris Grainger: We we got to figure this out.
• 44:29
  Chris Grainger: So now it's Monday, you know, and and so we're starting this new rhythm where you know what our date nights are gonna be Monday nights, and and and you know, so we're just getting into that, but it took a level of of like intentionality on my behalf and her behalf to to recognize, you know what, the weekend stuff, there are a lot of variables, particularly when you got smaller kids like we do.
• 44:51
  Chris Grainger: So we we we are figuring out this rhythm for us.
• 44:54
  Chris Grainger: So I mean, I don't know, and I I just want to share that for the listener because like you get stuck in you said Friday nights is your night, that's impossible for us.
• 45:01
  Chris Grainger: So figure What's work what can work for you, you know?
• 45:04
  Chris Grainger: I love that.
• 45:05
  Mike Novotny: There's like a I think every marriage should have like a state of the union, state of the marriage.
• 45:10
  Mike Novotny: Like just once a year, just talk about all the big things.
• 45:13
  Mike Novotny: It might be how's our dating life?
• 45:15
  Mike Novotny: How's our intimacy?
• 45:16
  Mike Novotny: How's our budget?
• 45:17
  Mike Novotny: How are we doing with the kids?
• 45:18
  Mike Novotny: What about chores?
• 45:19
  Mike Novotny: And like just say, I mean, maybe you can give it a letter grade.
• 45:22
  Mike Novotny: I'm feeling great about chores.
• 45:24
  Mike Novotny: Well, I feel like I do more around here.
• 45:25
  Mike Novotny: And that'll just like um give you the conversations that you need to talk about so you can adjust, make those corrections that you're talking about, and step into the next season with a lot of mutual excitement.
• 45:35
  Chris Grainger: Amen, brother.
• 45:36
  Chris Grainger: I mean, what's your hope?
• 45:37
  Chris Grainger: You put this all the effort into writing a book like this.
• 45:41
  Chris Grainger: What's your ultimate hope at the end of the day for couples out there who pick this up?
• 45:45
  Chris Grainger: Or maybe even I think this is a great wedding present by far.
• 45:48
  Chris Grainger: Like, I can't think of stop giving freaking toasters and give something like this, you know.
• 45:53
  Chris Grainger: So, what's your thoughts on you know, what's your hope out of this, bro?
• 45:56
  Chris Grainger: I'm glad you said that.
• 45:58
  Mike Novotny: Do you want to know the real, the real first domino in this book project?
• 46:01
  Mike Novotny: Sure.
• 46:02
  Mike Novotny: I'm putting on my tie, going to a wedding, and I say to Kim, like, what do we get in the couple?
• 46:07
  Mike Novotny: She's like, Oh, I don't know.
• 46:08
  Mike Novotny: Should we just pick something off the registry, write them a check?
• 46:11
  Mike Novotny: And we did that so many times, it just felt like, oh, like we love them, we love God, we want them to love God.
• 46:17
  Mike Novotny: And that's where this book came from.
• 46:19
  Mike Novotny: I'm like, I wish you could just give like a crash course on how to start marriage right.
• 46:23
  Mike Novotny: And uh that that's why we put the book together the way we did to be wedding giftable.
• 46:28
  Mike Novotny: So yeah, I'd hope people could buy a stack, take them to every wedding you go to, uh, and bless people for the years to come.
• 46:34
  Chris Grainger: Amen to that, brother.
• 46:35
  Chris Grainger: Amen.
• 46:35
  Chris Grainger: Well, you've done a great job with it, and hats off to you.
• 46:38
  Chris Grainger: I know it's gonna bless many couples out there.
• 46:40
  Chris Grainger: And hey, before we wrap up, I'd love to have a little lightning round with you, just have a little bit of fun at the end of this podcast.
• 46:46
  Chris Grainger: Let's go.
• 46:47
  Chris Grainger: All right, let's go, let's go.
• 46:48
  Chris Grainger: So, what's your favorite hobby?
• 46:49
  Chris Grainger: What do you enjoy doing for fun, Mike?
• 46:51
  Chris Grainger: I love reading, running, and I've played soccer since I was four years old.
• 46:55
  Chris Grainger: Okay.
• 46:56
  Chris Grainger: So running, are you a trail runner?
• 46:58
  Chris Grainger: Are you running at the gym?
• 46:59
  Chris Grainger: Like, what where are you enjoying that at?
• 47:01
  Chris Grainger: Yeah, I've run four marathons, so I hit the streets.
• 47:04
  Mike Novotny: Often Kim and I run like a 10-mile run together, which is another hack for communication because on 10 miles, you can talk about everything.
• 47:11
  Mike Novotny: That's right.
• 47:12
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, plenty of time to talk about it.
• 47:15
  Mike Novotny: And if you feel like you're losing an argument, just run a little bit faster so they get out of breath.
• 47:20
  Chris Grainger: That's the you know, that's the secret trick right there.
• 47:24
  Chris Grainger: Now we now when you finish running, when you and Kim finish running, what's your go-to food?
• 47:28
  Chris Grainger: What's what's your guilty pleasure there, Mike?
• 47:32
  Mike Novotny: Oh, I make a mean breakfast.
• 47:34
  Mike Novotny: Okay.
• 47:35
  Mike Novotny: I always make an egg scramble.
• 47:36
  Mike Novotny: Um, I have a secret recipe where I just put a bunch of string cheese in a pan, flip it once, put it on sourdough toast, it'll change your life.
• 47:44
  Mike Novotny: I eat it almost every day.
• 47:46
  Chris Grainger: Man, let's go.
• 47:47
  Chris Grainger: All right.
• 47:48
  Chris Grainger: Love it, love it.
• 47:49
  Chris Grainger: Well, if you could have a superpower, you know, we got all the Marvel movies and different types of comic books and things like that that are out there.
• 47:55
  Chris Grainger: So if you could have one of those superpowers, which one would you pick, Mike, and how would you use it?
• 48:01
  Mike Novotny: It would be a mute button that I could push so I wouldn't talk as much and get myself in trouble.
• 48:07
  Mike Novotny: That's pretty funny.
• 48:10
  Mike Novotny: Would your wife want to be able to control that too?
• 48:12
  Mike Novotny: No, it's a code, it's a fingerprint-sensitive code that she can't use.
• 48:18
  Chris Grainger: Only your discretion only.
• 48:19
  Chris Grainger: Got it, got it.
• 48:20
  Chris Grainger: I love it.
• 48:22
  Chris Grainger: What about uh any habits?
• 48:24
  Chris Grainger: Any new habits you started recently that have been?
• 48:27
  Chris Grainger: It could be a health habit or a face hat, whatever it may be that you enjoyed that you want to share?
• 48:31
  Mike Novotny: Yep.
• 48:32
  Mike Novotny: So I've been cheating the dietary system for about 40 years, um, double fisting donuts, eating candy after every single meal.
• 48:41
  Mike Novotny: And finally, when I got into my 40s, I found out that I'm not an exception to the metabolism rule.
• 48:46
  Mike Novotny: Right, right.
• 48:47
  Mike Novotny: And my wife had she's been going to a gym in our community that she has loved.
• 48:52
  Mike Novotny: Uh, for years she was trying to talk me into coming.
• 48:54
  Mike Novotny: And about nine months ago, I finally joined her gym.
• 48:56
  Mike Novotny: And I don't know if she'll listen to the podcast, but I gotta say, she was right.
• 48:59
  Mike Novotny: Uh it worked.
• 49:00
  Mike Novotny: So, yeah, lifting weights is something I put off far too long.
• 49:04
  Mike Novotny: I stayed skinny because of metabolism, but it gets real when you hit uh hit 40 or 45.
• 49:09
  Chris Grainger: Amen, bro.
• 49:10
  Chris Grainger: Amen.
• 49:11
  Chris Grainger: Well, keep keep lifting heavy things, and you can't go wrong when doing that.
• 49:14
  Chris Grainger: So when you think about God, man, what what's your favorite thing about him, Mike?
• 49:21
  Mike Novotny: Psalm 84, uh, better is one day in God's courts than a thousand elsewhere.
• 49:28
  Mike Novotny: Um, I think about like, man, you make it to the ocean, or you're hiking in a mountain, or you got one of those beautiful Midwestern days when the leaves are changing colors, or you have great sex with your wife, or you hold your kid in your arms, and a thousand of those days put together is not as joyful as one day of seeing God's face.
• 49:47
  Mike Novotny: So if if God was lame, heaven would be unexciting.
• 49:51
  Mike Novotny: But the fact that I get to see a God that's better than my wife and my kids and my ministry and soccer and food, like I I cannot wait for the first millisecond when I see the face of Jesus.
• 50:02
  Chris Grainger: Amen to that, brother.
• 50:04
  Chris Grainger: Amen.
• 50:04
  Chris Grainger: And now let's flip the 180.
• 50:06
  Chris Grainger: What's your least favorite thing about the evil one?
• 50:08
  Mike Novotny: Oh man.
• 50:09
  Mike Novotny: He's good at his job.
• 50:11
  Mike Novotny: Amen to that, brother.
• 50:13
  Chris Grainger: Yeah.
• 50:13
  Mike Novotny: He uh he knows how to pivot.
• 50:15
  Mike Novotny: He he fishes with one bait, and then when you stop biting, he he knows how to change it up.
• 50:21
  Mike Novotny: Um so you just you you can never put your your gloves down.
• 50:24
  Mike Novotny: Uh I escaped an addiction, but it doesn't mean I stopped sinning.
• 50:29
  Mike Novotny: So he he just changed his approach and just to know I gotta I gotta fight that battle till my last breath.
• 50:34
  Mike Novotny: That's sobering but necessary.
• 50:36
  Mike Novotny: Amen.
• 50:37
  Mike Novotny: Amen.
• 50:37
  Mike Novotny: What do you hope the listeners remember the most from our time together today, Mike?
• 50:45
  Mike Novotny: I I hope in a sense that there's uh a holy intensity to do marriage right as fast as you can.
• 50:51
  Mike Novotny: And I hope it's balanced with uh the grace of Jesus, knowing that we're gonna stumble and fall, that marriage is gonna challenge us and push us, and to know the cross always gets the last word, even when we sin against our spouse.
• 51:03
  Mike Novotny: Right.
• 51:04
  Mike Novotny: So I hope that they step into it with like passion to be the best husband they can be, knowing that at the end of the day that grace gets the last word.
• 51:10
  Mike Novotny: Amen, brother.
• 51:12
  Chris Grainger: Where do you want to send the listeners to connect with you, to get the book, all that fun stuff?
• 51:17
  Mike Novotny: Yeah, there's this little boutique uh bookstore we have in Wisconsin.
• 51:20
  Mike Novotny: It's called Amazon.
• 51:21
  Mike Novotny: Yeah.
• 51:22
  Chris Grainger: So if you go to Amazon.com, best place to find newlywed.
• 51:27
  Chris Grainger: There you go, brother.
• 51:28
  Chris Grainger: There you go.
• 51:28
  Chris Grainger: A any social media for you that you want to shout out for guys that they want to follow you, Facebook, Instagram, anything like that?
• 51:33
  Chris Grainger: Yeah.
• 51:34
  Mike Novotny: So I'm the lead speaker for a media ministry called Time of Grace.
• 51:37
  Mike Novotny: If you go to uh Time of Grace on uh on YouTube, on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, or time of grace.org, uh you can find this.
• 51:44
  Mike Novotny: Is actually book number 40 that I've written.
• 51:46
  Mike Novotny: So if you want to find out some other things that I've written, you can find those all at time of grace.org.
• 51:51
  Mike Novotny: I don't know why you're so lazy, Mike.
• 51:53
  Chris Grainger: I mean, come on, pick up the pace.
• 51:55
  Chris Grainger: Sorry.
• 51:56
  Chris Grainger: I loved it.
• 51:57
  Chris Grainger: I loved it, man.
• 51:59
  Chris Grainger: Thank you so much.
• 51:59
  Chris Grainger: Really appreciate it.
• 52:00
  Chris Grainger: Anything else you'd like to share today?
• 52:02
  Chris Grainger: No, man, this was an honor.
• 52:03
  Chris Grainger: Thanks for having me.
• 52:04
  Chris Grainger: Thank you for your time today, brother.
• 52:05
  Chris Grainger: Have a great day.
• 52:06
  Chris Grainger: You too.
• 52:07
  Chris Grainger: All right, guys.
• 52:09
  Chris Grainger: I told you it's gonna be a phone.
• 52:10
  Chris Grainger: I was so thankful for Mike for coming on, coming on.
• 52:12
  Chris Grainger: Go get the book.
• 52:13
  Chris Grainger: And by the way, we mentioned it at the end.
• 52:15
  Chris Grainger: Great wedding present.
• 52:17
  Chris Grainger: I'm serious.
• 52:17
  Chris Grainger: Great wedding present, guys.
• 52:18
  Chris Grainger: Another great wedding present.
• 52:20
  Chris Grainger: We didn't talk about it with Mike, but my buddy Jay, oh J D over at Uncovering Intimacy, he has a newlywed package, and you can give this as a wedding gift.
• 52:30
  Chris Grainger: And I actually did this.
• 52:31
  Chris Grainger: I gave this to a gift to a brother in Christ.
• 52:34
  Chris Grainger: And what he does is every month he works with them.
• 52:37
  Chris Grainger: He does a coaching session with the newlyweds.
• 52:40
  Chris Grainger: You want to talk about something that's gonna blow a toaster and a mixer out of the out of the wedding gift box uh basket, you drive something like a book like this and a resource like from JD at Uncovering Intimacy, you just set yourself apart, guys.
• 52:54
  Chris Grainger: And I'm gonna tell you what, you're setting that couple up for success as well.
• 52:57
  Chris Grainger: So look, the lion, we're trying to give you resources to help you bless others as well.
• 53:03
  Chris Grainger: So use them, use them.
• 53:04
  Chris Grainger: So if you got some weddings coming up, don't just be passive and ask your wife, like, when's the wedding?
• 53:09
  Chris Grainger: Like, hey, I want to know when the wedding is because I got something, I got the gift.
• 53:13
  Chris Grainger: And just take, just take ownership of it, bro, and then see how God blesses that, all right?
• 53:18
  Chris Grainger: So anyway, guys, you find all those resources, newlywed, Mike mentioned it on Amazon, go get a copy of it.
• 53:24
  Chris Grainger: And so the question of the week is how are you helping your brother guard his marriage?
• 53:27
  Chris Grainger: Uh fellas, I don't know what you're doing, but we all got brothers in Christ.
• 53:31
  Chris Grainger: And if we're not taking intentional efforts to help each other grow in our marriages, we're missing an opportunity to be condos of grace and to help each other strengthen the marriages that we need to strengthen.
• 53:40
  Chris Grainger: Okay, so really think about that.
• 53:42
  Chris Grainger: And think about who God has laid on your heart and impressed upon you to support.
• 53:47
  Chris Grainger: All right, fellas.
• 53:48
  Chris Grainger: So look, if you like the show, give us a rating review.
• 53:51
  Chris Grainger: That would help big time.
• 53:52
  Chris Grainger: The Lion Within Us Ministry is just growing, fellas.
• 53:54
  Chris Grainger: If you want to be a supporter of what we're doing, go to the LionWithin.us donate.
• 53:57
  Chris Grainger: We need your support.
• 53:58
  Chris Grainger: We'd love to have it.
• 53:59
  Chris Grainger: It takes a lot of work, a lot of effort.
• 54:01
  Chris Grainger: We're pumping out three podcasts a week.
• 54:02
  Chris Grainger: We're pumping out plans on the Bible app.
• 54:05
  Chris Grainger: We got video content coming out.
• 54:06
  Chris Grainger: We have so many things that we're building.
• 54:08
  Chris Grainger: Books.
• 54:09
  Chris Grainger: I got the next book that I've written.
• 54:10
  Chris Grainger: I'm just trying to nonstop to help serve you and equip you to be the leader that God intends you to be.
• 54:17
  Chris Grainger: Not who intends Chris to be.
• 54:19
  Chris Grainger: This is a line within us.
• 54:20
  Chris Grainger: We and uh we're here to serve you, fellas.
• 54:23
  Chris Grainger: So help support us.
• 54:24
  Chris Grainger: If you find any encouragement what we do, be one of our supporters.
• 54:28
  Chris Grainger: Jump on the weekly roar.
• 54:29
  Chris Grainger: Just get that weekly newsletter we send out, fellas.
• 54:32
  Chris Grainger: We got a lot of good feedback on that one because it's just a simple way to put some encouragement in your in your inbox as you get your week started.
• 54:38
  Chris Grainger: Okay?
• 54:38
  Chris Grainger: All right, guys, that's it.
• 54:40
  Chris Grainger: Give us a rating and review.
• 54:41
  Chris Grainger: We'll see you next time.
• 54:42
  Chris Grainger: Can't wait for your member spotlight.
• 54:44
  Chris Grainger: Have a great day.
• 54:45
  Chris Grainger: Get after it and just keep on leasing and line within.
• 54:48
  Chris Grainger: Trying to find genuine resources to help grow spiritually can feel overwhelming.
• 54:56
  Chris Grainger: At least it was for me.
• 54:57
  Chris Grainger: For the longest time, the support that I was looking for didn't exist.
• 55:02
  Chris Grainger: And I knew I wasn't alone.
• 55:04
  Chris Grainger: And at the same time, God was leading me to take action.
• 55:08
  Chris Grainger: That's why we built the Lion Within Us community, which is simply a place for Christian men to grow together in an honest, practical way that's always rooted in God's Word.
• 55:19
  Chris Grainger: We've made it simple.
• 55:21
  Chris Grainger: We have our daily spiritual kickoff for that little boost to get you going.
• 55:25
  Chris Grainger: We have Bible studies focusing on discerning truth and applying it.
• 55:29
  Chris Grainger: And we have a private forum where you can speak freely amongst other guys who listen.
• 55:34
  Chris Grainger: And then we have things like Friday Forge, Couples Night, where we cut tackle the hard items that guys are craving to talk about, but most face settings just refuse to explore these areas.
• 55:48
  Chris Grainger: So our community is about a growth mindset, intentionality, and transparency.
• 55:54
  Chris Grainger: Simply put, leave the mask at the door and come as you are.
• 55:58
  Chris Grainger: No perfect resume, just a willing heart and a desire to lead.
• 56:03
  Chris Grainger: I believe in what we've built simply because I've seen God use it to strengthen so many men.
• 56:09
  Chris Grainger: And I'd be honored to walk alongside you.
• 56:12
  Chris Grainger: So if you're ready, visit the LionWithin.us to explore the community.
• 56:17
  Chris Grainger: Start your free trial.
• 56:19
  Chris Grainger: Look around and see how this could help you lead with clarity and courage.
• 56:24
  Chris Grainger: So your journey begins here at thelionwithin.us.
• 56:29
  Chris Grainger: I look forward to seeing you inside the den.