Latest / The Rochelle Christiane Podcast / 200. Unlocking the Secrets of Female Pleasure and Emotional Intimacy

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200. Unlocking the Secrets of Female Pleasure and Emotional Intimacy · The Rochelle Christiane Podcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Emotional Mastery Podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I am your host, rochelle.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I'm a holistic human design health coach and this is a space for human design and spiritual journey.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: It's not about being a master of your emotions, rather mastering the tools to self-regulate, to awakening yourself and remembering who you are.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Human design changed my life about five years ago and I've been learning and teaching the system ever since.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: This podcast is human design meets spirituality, meets astrology.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: You don't have to have a belief system to be here, just an open mind and curiosity.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: This is a journey of meeting yourself and awakening to your infinite potential.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Now let the magic begin.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode on the podcast this week.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Today I'm talking to Magda Kay, who is an intimacy expert, tantra teacher and conscious relating coach.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: She is an author and the founder of the School of Intimacy.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: More than 10 years ago, she quit her corporate job and embarked on a journey that led her through ashrams, yoga trainings, tantra communities and ceremonies, through hours of daily devotion and practices, into her deepest parts, facing the wounds and fears, and also revealed her highest calling to share and teach others how to access their deepest desires and ability to create trans transformative intimacy in their lives.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Her work combines the gift of the east and the west, a blend of tantric and yogic philosophies with psychology and human behavior, and this conversation was really good.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I opened the conversation around sexuality last month I believe it was in the podcast and it was right around that time that I got an email for Magda to come on the podcast and I felt like it was perfect timing, as I always am wanting to talk about sexuality and sex because there is so much to it, it is so deep, and this month the link is down below, but this month she is having a sale on her book no More Faking it, which is a woman's guide to getting the love, pleasure and fulfillment she deeply desires.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I just purchased it, so I will be moving through this book, but this conversation was really really interesting.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: We talked a lot about the female orgasm, how to achieve it, what is holding us back from achieving it, the different types of female orgasm, self-pleasure.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: She talks about the four power centers which she goes through in her book why women struggle to orgasm, changing the environment in your relationship, tantra, sexuality and inability to orgasm, as quite a few women have, and just sort of learning our bodies and trusting ourselves, and really so much about the female orgasm and the way that society teaches us, or teaches men, that we can achieve it, how to release our ego a little bit around it, but and we dive into intimacy and you know, I think intimacy and safety and the female orgasm go hand in hand.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: So this is a really great conversation.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: I feel like I am really coming back to myself lately.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: It's been a rough few weeks.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: If you've been listening, you know that I've been talking about it a lot.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I don't know what the shift was, but I talked last week, as I was doing an annual reflection, about the soul retrieval session that I had last year and I rebooked for a session that I just had today, and it was so supportive in just understanding the imbalances that I have in my energetic body.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I'm mostly balanced.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: However, my sacral is a little imbalanced, which could just be not following.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I have emotional authority, but being a sacral being sacral is so important to honor and listen to and sometimes it's so easy to dismiss what our body is feeling.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: We've been receiving messages from childhood, even as things as simple as eat all of your food when we really aren't hungry, and it's easy to abandon the messages of our body and to numb them out through, whether it's a pill or alcohol, or even scrolling right Like any sort of numbing behavior that we may have.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: And what came up as well was this transformation that we sometimes go through and how it leaves us feeling isolated.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: It may leave us feeling stuck, it may leave us feeling exhausted, and a lot of times when I have dealt with mental anxiety in the past, it's really presented itself as some sort of physical imbalance.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Right, and sometimes we maybe don't think we're anxious because we're not ruminating on looping thoughts.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: However, our body tells a different story, which is again why it's so important to listen to our body.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I'm hosting a body workshop the day that this podcast comes out, so if you are signed up, we will be talking all about that.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: If not, I will leave the link for the replay if you're interested.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll leave the link below for you to sign up for the workshop, but the workshop will have passed.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: But I will be sending out that replay probably tomorrow.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: So if you get on the list, you can get the replay for the body workshop.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: We also have our full moon in Sagittarius today as the episode comes out, and Sagittarius is a mutable fire sign.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: The full moon in Sagittarius is known as the priest's moon.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: So the full moon in Scorpio was the priestess's moon and that was really about going down to the depths and how it changes us and we come back.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: And Sagittarius is travel, adventure, philosophy, religion, right, and it speaks to religion as more so a set of rules we'll say that a group follow.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Right, it is not necessarily dogmatic in its description or its definition of when we're looking through a Sagittarius lens, but it is this ancient information, this ancient knowledge, right, where its opposite, gemini, is very curious.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: It's fact finding.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: It's sort of more youthful and playful, where Sagittarius is like the wise older brother of Gemini, and so it is really deep and it's about travel and whatever you are feeling, whatever house this is in for you.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Look to that to understand how this may be impacting you.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: But I am excited for this.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I actually have Saturn in Sagittarius, so it's a little bit more intense.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: It can be the energy that's in my fifth house, but I do have my north node in the ninth house, which is natally ruled by Sagittarius, so I always sort of resonate with that Sagittarius energy because of my north node being in the house of Sagittarius.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: I'm also doing a Pluto deep dive.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: If you are interested, it's a PDF form and really outlining Pluto and how it is impacting you through your chart.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Because Pluto is a slower planet, it is a generational planet, but it becomes very personal and nuanced when we really look at the aspects and the placement in the house in your specific chart and I've been going through a lot of Pluto transits I have a Plutonic chart in what they call a Hades moon, so my moon is square Pluto and this just brings an intensity to my emotional world, to the way that I perceive myself, that not everybody experiences, and so it's really learning to navigate life through the lens of Pluto, specifically because it's square, my moon, pluto specifically because it's square, my moon, and there's a lot of other nuanced aspects and layers and things that speak to that.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: But I also, through my progressed chart, I'm having Pluto transits as well and, of course, just Pluto moving into Aquarius, I feel like is impacting us because it is in those beginning degrees of a new sign and so wherever you have Aquarius in your chart, you know it is in retrograde now, about to dip back into Capricorn in the fall and then back into Aquarius for the following 20 years, but I will leave the link for that if you're interested in getting that little mini deep dive that will be available for a short period of time and, yeah, I hope that you enjoy the episode Again, I'm feeling a lot more grounded, so I think next week I will finish with the part two, sex episode that I began last month.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: So enjoy this episode.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Find Magda on Instagram, on YouTube, grab her book.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Everything you need to know is down in the show notes.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: You can follow me on Instagram as well.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: It's at Rochelle, r-o-c-h-e-l-l-e dot.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: Christian, c-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n-e.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: You can find the video on YouTube Again.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Join the collective, join us.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Holistic Humanism and Academy is closed for the time being.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: It will be reopening in June.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: You can grab the HD 101 class down below as well.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Again, everything is in the show notes.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: So enjoy the episode and I will catch you next week.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Emotional Mastery Podcast.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Today I have Magda Kay, who is an intimacy expert, tantra teacher, conscious relating coach, author and founder of the School of Intimacy, and I think this interview is so perfectly timed because, as you saw, we are just like.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, sex is always a conversation that I have on the podcast, but I recently just dove into a solo, just sort of like opening the conversation of sex, because I think it's so powerful and something that, honestly, a lot of us don't talk enough about.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: A lot of the feedback I got was, you know, people who are maybe in their forties and exploring sexuality and having friends that don't necessarily have that conversation.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: So I think, again, it's just such a part of life and it's such a beautiful part of life.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: So I'm really excited to have this conversation with you.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: But I'm going to just hand you the floor to just sort of introduce yourself, your story and sort of how you got into this work, because it's interesting and it's beautiful.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: And, yeah, just what brought you to this work Because it's interesting and it's beautiful and, yeah, just what brought you to this work specifically.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: You know, this question always makes me laugh because, let's be honest, when I was growing up, that's not what I was thinking that I would become.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: I wanted to be a dancer, then I wanted to be in marketing, maybe psychology, and here I am.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: So it wasn't planned.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: It's a little bit.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: Life takes you where you're meant to go and, as often is the case, the area of life where we struggle the most usually is also the area where we can discover our biggest gifts.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: And I find that that you know probably you have it from your own story as well is that the parts of my life where I needed to, and still need to, heal and look at this is, you know, one of the process is also to teach this.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: So I'm having these conversations, like you said, with more people, because through having these conversations, through guiding other people, I'm also still helping myself.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: So it's like an ongoing process.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: So how I ended up with all of this?
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Well, see, I come from a household that, unfortunately, didn't demonstrate what healthy love is.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: So there are a few pathologies, but, most importantly, there was not a single example of a happy couple that I could be exposed to growing up, so I grew up extremely cynical towards love.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: I mean, I thought that love was fake.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: You know, when I saw couples in love holding hands, I either thought they were pretending or I just thought it's really lame and I stayed away from love.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: I stayed away from relationships for a really long time.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: I was also really scared that I am like my mom and I so didn't want anyone to see this part of myself.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: So then I get into my first real relationship when I was 27.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: And of course, you know what it's like your first love.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: You think it's going to last forever and oh my God, no, it didn't.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: What a shocker.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: But what really, you know, pulled us apart was the fact that I wasn't having orgasm.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: You know, pulled us apart was the fact that I wasn't having orgasm and in a way, because until then, you know, I had like some random hookups.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: In fact I would say that I only had sex when I was drunk and so I never really had to face it.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: But here I am in a relationship.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: We're having sex often and, you know, back at that time, no one, we didn't talk about it.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: It was a bit of like, you know, we're pretending the issue is not there, and so we didn't know how to address it.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: We definitely didn't know what to do about it.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: But losing a relationship because I couldn't orgasm, it felt painful, but it also felt in some way embarrassing, because I feel that for for women, this whole conversation about not being able to orgasm it's quite shameful.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: I would say we feel ashamed to admit that I struggle to orgasm, where in most cases it's not a woman's fault, but yet we feel like I'm doing something wrong.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: So I had all of these emotions come up and I was going through so much pain during this breakup.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: This is when I got pulled into sexual practices, sexual healing, like I knew that I have to go into tantra.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: I knew that I had to address any trauma that was in my body that was blocking my sexual expression, and so I was looking for it.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: You know, a decade ago that didn't exist.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Now, when you go online and you put Tantra, you're going to find festivals and workshops and books and courses, but it wasn't the case back in the times and so I really wanted to.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I was asking around until I finally found an ashram in India, then a school in Thailand and I went really deep, but all the time it was just for myself.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: You could say selfishly, all the time it was just for myself.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: You could say selfishly, I just wanted to heal myself, and the more I was going into it, the more I felt the call that this is really what I am meant to do in this life, that these are the teachings that I'm meant to spread.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Because you know and I know you look at it this way as well what really shocks me is that what our society understands sexuality to be, that's maybe 30% of what sexuality actually is, and so when I realized this massive gap in knowledge and experience, I was like well, no wonder I never had an orgasm.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Why would any woman have an orgasm if this is what sexuality is to us?
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: And so I felt like it's really needed to spread the information, and here I am doing this full time as my job, so this is how I got here.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: Had you been able to orgasm before that relationship?
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: So, yes, but I'll tell you like this, A few things happen.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: First, my definition of an orgasm changed totally, so I'm going to share with you the metaphor that I use.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: So we look at an orgasm from a male perspective, which is a certain point.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: It's a peak of experience.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: In Tantra, we talk more about waves.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: It's an orgasmic wave.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: And so imagine, like a surfer, right, you can always find a higher, a taller wave, you can always ride the wave longer or for a shorter time.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: So if it's not a point, if it's a wave, you can always go higher, you can always go deeper.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: So the experience can differ from time to time.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: So it's not zero, one thing, it's not.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: I had or I didn't have, it's how much was I orgasmic during this experience, and I think that that's which is extremely helpful.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: Now, the second thing that I say is this metaphor of a boiling water.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: So imagine you have a pot of cold water and you put it on a stove and then you know, heat it up and the water eventually starts boiling.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Now there is a moment when it's really boiling and you know for sure that the water is boiling.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: But can you say the point when it's boiling, when the first bubble comes up, the first 10 bubbles, because it's a transition, it's a scale, it's not a point.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: And so from that perspective, I look more at how deep was I able to go in this experience?
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: How orgasmic did I feel?
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: So I look at the scale, I look at how orgasmic, how much I feltmic did I feel?
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: So I look at this scale, I look at how, how orgasmic, how much I felt, versus, did I feel something or not?
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: So that's how I look at an orgasm and how I like to define it.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: But I will tell you, until today I am aware you know I'm a Virgo and apparently this is also like from what I was told by some really, really advanced Indian Vedic astrologer is that with my profile, I really need to feel safe with a man to allow myself to orgasm.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: So it's not easy for me to feel fully welcome in his heart.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: So if there is any doubts in me about whether this relationship is safe, whether he truly loves me, then I do feel there is resistance and there are blockages.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: It's just hard for me to fully let go.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: So this is still true until today.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: But I've learned to ride this wave and I can go into orgasmic waves even outside of sexuality, just through breath work.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: When I did Cambo I went into like this half an hour long weird orgasmic experience after combo.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: That's like that's not meant to be pleasant at all.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: So I've definitely activated my body to feel on a much deeper level.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so interesting, that specific, so I'm a tourist, so just earth sign similarity in that way.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: But I do notice that piece where there's one partner that I had that I wasn't able to orgasm, often barely at all.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: It was about the two-year relationship and I think it was because I was trying so hard to feel seen and to feel safe and to feel wanted.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I just I couldn't get there as hard as I tried and then I was over.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: You know I was thinking about it too much.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: So I think you know I was thinking about it too much.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: So I think you know I know for women and men it's very different how we get there and I think women, you know, need a lot more of the prep work and and to feel mentally like safe and seen and all those things.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: So I definitely resonate with that way, with you in that Is it?
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: And I know I've heard statistics where it's like 80% of women actually can't or I mean can't or don't achieve orgasm during sex.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Why do you think that is Well?
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: I heard 30%, yours is mine's outdated, but I will tell you why.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: I will tell you why.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: So you know, when I lived in a tantric community, so I was with men who had this deeper understanding of what women need and I had just just to be clear, I had some incredible lovers and they opened me.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: They opened me, they were amazing.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: But I will also tell you about some lovers from that community you know you could say the conscious tantric men and you know we had good sex life.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: I really enjoyed it.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: But I asked at some point for more sensuality.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: I was like, listen, I'm really enjoying what we're doing, but I also need sometimes to slow down, be more sensual, softer, and, for example, the response would be, yeah, I'm not into this.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Or you have no idea how many comments I get under my YouTube videos basically saying who has time for this?
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: And so a woman's body is different.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Yes, we kind of understand she needs foreplay, but what foreplay is for a man and a woman?
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: It's very different.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: I always say oral sex is not foreplay.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Oral sex is sex.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: It may be foreplay for a man, it's not for a woman.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: We need things before, and so if we nonstop keep hearing in some way from the society that we're asking for too much, we're too needy, right?
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: We keep hearing that we are too needy just because we need some emotional safety from our partner.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: So we've been conditioned to suppress our needs for emotional connection, for intimacy, for sexuality.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: So why would women orgasm, like, if we're not given what we need, and unfortunately for so long?
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: You know, I mean female orgasm is not needed for a man to have an orgasm, it's not needed for a child to be born For so long, like, no one cared whether a woman even wanted it or enjoyed it.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: We're honestly just changing this narrative only now that actually her pleasure also matters.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: But you know, I have so many because I work a lot with men, I have so many men follow me, and yet they still go into the story oh, I don't have time for this, oh, it's too much hassle, too much work.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: So, even if my man specifically doesn't tell me this, if I hear other men say this, of course I'm going to shut down and from the place of contraction we cannot orgasm.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I've heard the that it takes about 45 minutes to really get a woman ready and I've repeated that to like some men and that's exactly the same response.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: It was like whoa, that's a long time, or that's too long, or I don't have time for that, and it's like I feel like, yeah, I don't know.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: I guess the way societally we view sex is more of like a business, it's like a transaction right, like we get in, we get out, we do our thing and we reach this peak right, this set standard of what we're supposed to do, and then it's sort of over with.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: And I think in the past I've definitely confused sex with intimacy and I think that's something that can happen a lot, where I feel like I'm getting intimacy from sex, but it's not the same thing.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: I would love if you wanted to go into that a little bit.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: But how do we sort of reframe this for men where we are getting, as a woman, what we need in our body to reach orgasm?
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: Because I do also feel like a lot of men sort of feel like failures if they can't help a woman achieve orgasm but yet they're not willing to put in the time that it takes to get there.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I will say there's a lot of hypocrisy, unfortunately, and we are coming out of generations where it was all about men, right, Sex was purely male focused.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: So of course, it will take some time to transition to the reality in which you know we have different needs and your needs are not the same as her needs.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: Now I'll say this for men please, please, please, please, put your ego aside and the most important thing is just ask her.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Many men assume and I hear from again so many men, oh, I know what women want, because it's it's.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: You know we define masculinity through.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: One of those things is like can you please a woman?
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: So, but there's like a competition between men because women don't really define it, you know, through the same lens, but like men kind of compete.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: Oh, I met her come this many times, and even today I saw a video where a woman was saying nah, look, most of those times you guys don't realize they fake it.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: And the guy said oh, who cares?
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, You're like, wow, I mean, please do care.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: So there's definitely a lot of work on men's side.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: Listen, this is not about you, Okay, Men, don't make it about you.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: It's about her and about what she needs.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: And even if all the women you've ever been with enjoyed something specific, it doesn't mean that your current partner will too, Ask her.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Don't assume you know better, Like what is what is this attitude?
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: That I know better what you need and what you want.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: Just ask her, and if she doesn't know, then go on exploration.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's try this, let's try that.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: And this will invite her to actually start taking responsibility for her body and her pleasure, because women really outsource it and that's on us.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: We shouldn't.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: But I will also say to men like I understand that when a man hears like 40 minutes, all they think is like there's no way I can stay hard for so long.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: So I think a lot of men kind of you know, saying oh, who has time for this?
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: It's really.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: It comes out of feeling inadequate or insecure about their performance.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: So keep in mind that it doesn't have to be you inside of her for 40 minutes.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: You have toes, you have fingers, you have your tongue.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of other things you can do.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: It's about her being stimulated for that amount of time so you can be giving her a massage, etc.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: So this is why I think of foreplay as something that doesn't necessarily include genitals just yet, because then you're keeping your energy lower, You're warming her up, You're giving her everything that she needs and then, when it comes to penetration, if you can last like let's just assume it's 10 minutes maybe for some men this is long, but you'll be able to last inside of her as long as she needs you to.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: If you do things outside of that, it's like you know, if any man goes to the gym, you don't just go and suddenly squat a hundred kilos.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: Right, You've got to warm up, you don't?
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: You don't go straight for the thing and it's the same here.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: So pace your energy and, honestly, if I ever hear a man say I don't have time for 40 minutes, you do have time for 40 minutes to watch football games.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: You have 40 minutes to you know, play some games, go drinking with your buddies or go to the gym.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: It's like this is the matter of priorities.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: And I would say to every man if you really find yourself saying, oh, I don't have time, I would honestly ask you to question to what degree do you actually care about your partner?
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Because if I know that my partner needs something to be happy and fulfilled, I wouldn't like I don't know if, for example, if my partner like loves when we I don't know play Scrabble together, I would never say, oh, I don't have time for this, it's too much.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: It's like I want to do things that make you happy.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: Why wouldn't you want to do something that makes your woman happy?
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: Because if that's the case, then there's a deeper issue.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: Maybe you don't actually want to be in this relationship, and then maybe this is something to address.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and I think even when you describe foreplay in that way, it can even be simple as like starting at dinner and like raising her hand, or just you know what I mean Cuddling on the couch or, like you said, massaging and things like that like doesn't even have to be so much like in the bedroom, you know, and even from like an astrological perspective, right, like Venus is our is the planet of love, right, so like for me, I have Venus and Gemini, so for me, mental stimulation really excites me.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: So it's like I think everybody is a little bit different in that way of like what turns them on or what gets them ready.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I think it's reframing that it doesn't have to be, you know, all that time just like in the bed, like on her.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: So it's.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: It's so true what you're saying, and this is one of the things I try to teach to men as well.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: So, going back to the metaphor of the boiling water, right, if this pot of water is really cold, it's going to take a long time for it to boil.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: But if your water is warm on the work, and then suddenly, now you're focused on sex, women don't work like this.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: If you want us to be ready for sex, we have to be thinking about sex throughout the day.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: It has to be always in our mind.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: In other words, we got to keep the water warm, so I get it that it may not be like instinctual for men.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Then put some reminders in your calendar that throughout the day, you send her like a nude, like a spicy message, whatever it is like.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: Send her something that makes her think about sex, like build the anticipation, and then when you're home, you don't have to necessarily spend an hour, you can spend half an hour, and then maybe this is the time you do have if you prepare her throughout the day absolutely yeah, I love that.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: I love the build and the anticipation and like knowing you know and thinking about it.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: It's a beautiful way to like do it.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: It's not, you know, all in the moment.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: If we're in like, let's say we're in established relationships, we've been together for a while, these issues are happening.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Maybe somebody's not orgasming, maybe we're just that idea of like I don't have the time, how can we like in those Cause?
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: I think it's different when we're starting a new relationship and coming from you know, beginning it with communication and you know, in that way, how do we add in these little things in established relationships or or sort of revamp our sex life?
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: So I will say that if you've been together for a long time and you never talked about sex, it may be very difficult, because how do you bring it up?
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: How do you bring it up, especially that what you want to bring up is criticism really.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: So I will say that either getting a coach or going for some maybe tantric festivals, retreats and workshops can be really helpful, because none of the partners has to bring anything up.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: It's the teacher, it's the facilitator that does it for you.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: You're just receiving.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: So I think this can help couples ease into it and just sort of make the whole conversation a bit more natural and comfortable, because someone is guiding you through that.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: Now, if it is something you do feel comfortable talking about, or once you are, I think the most important thing is to bring playfulness back into your sex life, because a few things happen.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: First, we take sex way too seriously.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: If you watch any like erotic movie or anything like, you know, when someone is seducing someone, it's like you're perfect, perfect makeup, everything is perfect.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Instead, when I'm on a date and I eat something, most likely I'm going to spill something on my dress, right, and then and I think we need to make more space for not being perfect, for laughing, for doing something silly, like even if you think about this, like how often do you fart during sex?
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: Right, like things like this.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Things like this happen and we have to be able to deal with this, to manage this.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: So if you can bring playfulness in, I think this is the most important thing.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: The second thing that happens is that couples become too much of like a machine.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: You know, running the households, taking care of responsibilities it's too much of that.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: And then, on top of this, if you live together Now I don't know about you, but before we got on this call, I was wearing my sweats.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: I don't really look sexy when I'm at home.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: My hair is up in a ponytail because that's the most comfortable, and I cannot even count how many times you wear clothes that have some stains.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: Who cares?
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: Because you're at home, and so this is how your partner sees you most of the time.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: There's nothing sexy about that.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: Plus, we know being together kills polarity.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: All of this adds up.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: So I think it's a great idea for couples to pick one evening a week.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Great idea for couples to pick one evening a week and this is your sacred time as a couple and get out of the house If you live together.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Get out of the house meaning you go on a date, you go to a restaurant, if you can rent a hotel room, especially if you have kids because the moment you're home you go back into the roles of a mother and father and flatmates and people who have to clean the dishes and do the dirty laundry.
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: So being outside of the house helps to keep this energy alive.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: So that's once a week and then once a year go away on a trip, a romantic holiday.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: But changing the environment is so important.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: You know, it's one of the tips for productivity, for business.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: People, you know change the environment, which will allow you to think differently.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: This is why people you know, if you work from the same place and you're stuck, go and work from somewhere else.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: It's the same here.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: The brain, as long as you're inside of your house, there's all of these cues that are telling you you're just flatmates, you're just parents.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: So you need to change the cues, to remind yourself wait, wait, wait.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: We're lovers and people, I think, sometimes really struggle to change patterns and all you need to do is just change your environment, get out of the house and everything will kind of magically change, because the cues will change.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I do think it is difficult, once you get into those patterns and routines right, to then like switch things up.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: But I but it is so powerful and yeah, just rewiring your brain in that way brings that back in.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: And yeah, just rewiring your brain in that way brings that back in.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: I have like going back to sort of like Tantra, specifically like what was it about that that called you?
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: And then like what misconceptions do we even have about Tantra?
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Because I think it's just like a word that we hear a lot and maybe really don't even know, because I know it is so much more than sex, but we think only like sex when we think of Tantra.
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: So much more than sex, but we think only like sex when we think of Tantra.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: To be fair, I think back in, back in the days when I first heard the word Tantra.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: I it was still this mystical, mysterious thing and I just thought of like oh, if people like, when someone said, oh, I practice Tantra, I was like she must be like a sex goddess and I think it was.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of it was still dead when I first wanted to get into this um, so I don't think I had the best understanding of tantra and especially at that time I heard, I heard some stories about, like you know, open relationships, which again now it's a pretty common conversation we're having.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: Like 13 years ago it was not um, and I heard about this thing called a yoni massage, right, which is the massage of the genitals, and I just remember thinking like what?
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: What a stranger would put his fingers inside of me, what is this?
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: But I heard all of this kind of weird practices and then slowly I was opening up and becoming more curious.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: So I definitely had a limited understanding of tantra.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: But I did think Tantra was about sexual healing and when I was looking for Tantra I was specifically looking for the sexual aspect of it, and it's only when I went to India and I started studying more the spiritual aspect of Tantra.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: This is when I truly understood what it's about.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: But at the same time, I think you cannot fully understand the sexual aspects of Tantra if you're just limiting your understanding of Tantra to sex, because I spoke before about these orgasmic ways.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: To get there, you have to do healing on your body, you have to open your energy channels and your chakras, you have to clear the blockages, you have to do breath work and yoga and a lot of other practices.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: Unless you do that, you're not going to have tantric sex.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: It may be better sex, it may be more conscious sex, but not tantric sex.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: Tantric sex allows us experiences that feel as if you took drugs, like imagine having sex while being on drugs.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: This is what tantra is, but you just don't take anything because your body is naturally open and used to producing all of these beautiful chemicals that give you this feeling of ecstasy without taking ecstasy.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: So it is a spiritual practice and sexuality has always been part of Tantra.
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: It's absolutely not the whole story.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: But, to be fair, I don't have anything against people limiting Tantra to sex, and the reason why is because you know our generation or really our society.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: We're so wounded sexually and we really need the healing.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: And I don't think every human being is interested in enlightenment, which you can totally achieve through Tantra.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: That's why it exists.
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: It's a spiritual path, but I think most people are not looking for that.
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: And through sexuality you get to really connect to yourself, connect to life, like cultivate that sense of oneness that, in a way, enlightenment gives you.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: It's just not everyone wants to go so deep, but you can still experience moments of oneness during tantric sex, and so for me that's okay that people think of tantra just in that aspect.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: However, what I don't align with is that these days, tantra often is considered a synonym to polyamory and sex bodies, and you can be celibate and be tantric.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: You can be a virgin and be tantric.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: You can totally be monogamous and be tantric.
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: So this is one aspect where I think it went too far, because I think people think, oh, tantra, you must be so sexually promiscuous, and that's not the case.
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: A lot of people use tantra as an excuse to be promiscuous Absolutely.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: But you can have any relationship to sexuality and still be tantric can one partner in a relationship be practicing tantra you know meditations, things like that and have that experience without the other partner being interested in it?
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: um, to be fair, unfortunately this is the case for most couples.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: Like, usually, one partner wants, wants to explore sexuality, is more curious, has more of a growth mindset and expansion mindset, and the other doesn't.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: Um, I'll tell you honestly, like with anything, if you start growing apart because one person really wants those deeper experiences and the other doesn't, this this may be, you know, a reason for a very serious conversation, like, are we really meant to be together?
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: Because it shows that you guys value things very differently and that your approach to sex is very different.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: And I do believe that sex is the glue of a romantic relationship.
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: So I would say that, you know, not everyone is sexually compatible, but at least having values and approach to sex that is aligned, I think that's very important.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: Otherwise you can just be great friends, you know.
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: So what would usually happen?
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: If one person starts practicing this, the other person, if they're not resistant, if they're not skeptical, if they're not mocking what you're doing, but they're just neutral because, like you know, it's not really my thing, but let's see, and so sometimes their body can passively follow.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: So these are one of the actually techniques in tantra.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: So you would go with an advanced lover and you're just going for the experience and he's or her body is doing some magic and your body simply copies this.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: So it's like kind of through um, through passive interaction, your body opens to a deeper level of those experiences as well.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: So this can totally happen with couples.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: So even if just you are into this and your partner isn't, as long as they remain open, they can actually start experiencing something more.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: And if you are like you know when, when, when you're having these tantric experiences, this, this, this ecstatic state, I know from men, at least the way they described it, so I would assume it's the other way as well for men.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: They said it feels like they just basically like they put their cock into an electrical socket.
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: It was like Whoa, it's so powerful, they can feel her energy, and so a woman can also feel his energy inside of her.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: So if you're with a partner who is practicing, you will feel this and this can open us up to be more curious and open to practice ourselves.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: And when you talk about meditation and breath work and things like that, is there any specific tool?
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: Or if anyone's listening and sort of is just interested, things like that, Is there any any like specific tool?
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Or if anyone's listening and sort of is just interested in in beginning that journey that we can take to sort of get to this practice?
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: So, basically, anything you'll do will be helpful, any type of yoga, but a conscious yoga, not just the physical exercise.
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: I'm talking about yoga where you close your eyes, you feel into your body, you actually expand your chakras, like where it's focused on feeding the energy.
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: So any form of yoga like this will be helpful.
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: Any form of breath practice, anything you'll be doing, any form of healing, any work with energy is opening your body.
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: All of these practices, they're tantric in nature.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: But most specifically, if you want something more concrete practice, there are two things I would recommend.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: The first one is you breathe through the mouth.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: So when we meditate, we breathe through the nose, because this stills and centers our energy.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: Right, it's about being still Now.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: In tantra we want the opposite.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: We want to activate the energy, and so what we do is you breathe through the mouth and you take deep breaths.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: But I mean deep breaths, I don't mean just kind of gently opening the mouth and then a little bit of air comes in and out.
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: That's not that you're meant to be feeling like you're hyperventilating, don't push it, because you know we gotta build our capacity to hold so much breath and so much energy.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: But that's how you want to breathe and the second one is slow down.
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: So, especially when we're having sex, because so much of it is about contracting the body when we build up into an orgasm, so definitely for men and for women, the clitoral orgasm it's actually very similar to ejaculation, and the sensations in the body it's like tense, tense, tense, tense, tense, tense, and then it's this release of the tension.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: So here I'm asking you to do the exact opposite Instead of building the tension in the body, relax the body.
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: Very often the breath will come very fast and shallow and we can even hold the breath because it intensifies the sensations.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: Relax the breath longer, inhale longer, exhale, and at first you may be like I hate Magda for this advice, because you may notice that you know you're building up to an orgasm and then you lost it because you need to rewire your body to learn a different type of an orgasm that doesn't come from tension but comes from relaxation.
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: But a side note a full, full body, multiple or energy orgasm.
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: They're only possible from the place of relaxation.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: So it's a different type of an experience.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: But it's nice to be able to have both, because when you relax your body, this is when the energy can move through the whole body and you end up shaking and and it's just like this.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: Is this proper ecstatic state, the blissful state.
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: But you have to relax.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: So breathe through the mouth and relax.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there are times when I've done like breath work or yoga and even like afterwards or during, I almost feel that sexual energy like coming on.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: You know, basically like getting turned on, like during the practice, and I'm just as you're describing that.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: I'm wondering if it's maybe the way it was breathing or something that like activated it.
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: But it's really interesting how that energy can really be released during those certain practices.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: Love.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: So I had.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: I don't have it now Cause I'm not as open as I used to be.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: You know, I used to practice a few hours a day.
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: It's just a choice of how I want to live my life.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: So I'm not as open as I used to be.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: But in times when I was, I remember when I would go to the gym and I love training and there's this specific stretch I would do for my quads, and the moment I would do this at the end of the training I felt this incredible energy in my root chakra and I was like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I'm like I'm in the gym and I was like what's happening?
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: Well, here's what's happening.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: When you do squats or like deadlifts or anything on the lower body, you're activating your root chakra, which is actually the source of sexuality.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: The second chakra is pleasure and romance, but this animalistic instinct to fuck that your root chakra.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: And so when you do things that strengthen the root chakra, automatically you're activating this energy and for both of us, being earthy signs like that's, that's our predominant chakra, right?
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: Because because earth is the root, so for us it will be easier to activate this.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: So then you know I was doing all of this.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: And then, because at the end your muscles are are tired, so you give in, there is this incredible sense of relaxation because your muscles are tired, and so I was feeling.
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: It's not that I was feeling aroused, I could feel that if I allowed myself to go with it I would go into waves of orgasm.
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: But I was in the gym so I didn't.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: But that's the whole point.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: It's when you activate your energy, because sexual energy is your life force, energy, it's a type of energy.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: Your Kundalini is your sexual energy.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: So anytime you activate your energy, it can go like, be expressed through sexuality.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: So anytime you work with energy, it can go in that direction, into that expression, and that's how it's meant to be.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: How important or how much does self-pleasure, masturbation play for a woman in getting to that place of relaxation?
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's important just to know your body, but does it play in at all to tantric practices and breath work and things?
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: I'll tell you something.
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: This may be a bit of like a shock for people, but I don't love self-pleasure.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: It's a very different experience for me being on my own and being with a partner, and there are certain, I think, experiences that just doesn't feel the same.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: I love the male body, I love the flesh and I really like penetration, but again, I'm an earthy woman, so there'll be certain things that just for my body work more than maybe for someone else who's not earthy in their expression of sexuality.
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: But still, taking time to be with yourself, in my opinion, is essential.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: It doesn't necessarily even have to be about getting to know your body, because it does feel differently when I touch myself or when someone else touches me.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: For me, it's more about nurturing this deep, intimate relationship to self.
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: It's like if I don't want to touch myself, why would anyone want to touch me?
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: If I don't think my genitals are beautiful, then why would anyone think that?
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: So for me, self-pleasure is more about it's a me time, this date with myself where I get to hold myself and love myself physically.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: So that's how I look at it.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: So it's not necessarily like a practice for relaxation or tantric tools, at least not for me.
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: I know a lot of women really like it and it really works for them and they can go like an hour or two hours of self pleasure.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: Again, I think it's individual, but I still think it's really important for women to have this time with ourselves.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: And I will also add we're animals and there are times, especially when we ovulate, when we just have this animalistic desire to practically jerk off.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: You could say.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: So go for it.
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: I have phases, and my best friend, she's also very, very sexual.
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: So sometimes, when we're in this phase of being very horny, it's like I may need to masturbate a few times a day.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: That's normal.
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: If your body needs it, just go and enjoy.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: So for me it's a bit of a spectrum of experiences, but regardless, I would say it's.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: It's a part of self-love practice in my opinion.
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've spoken to a few women that have never or can't orgasm during sex and I asked them if they do it on their own, and a few of them have been have to say they don't even pleasure themselves, so they don't, they don't masturbate, and so I was just like wondering that.
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like if you then learn yourself and know how to get there yourself, then it would benefit you during sex.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: So for me, for example, when I, if I think of self-pleasure for myself, I don't have the ability to penetrate myself the way my partner would.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: So for me it's a bit difficult to open myself from that perspective.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: And I don't love toys Crystal wants it's a different story.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: I feel like they, they're alive, they have energy, but I just don't like toys because it's a dead substance.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: So it doesn't work for me.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: And it's also this, this case, when you're with someone, especially if you love someone, feeling their body inside of you, like I just feel the energy right away.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: So there's this element which I don't get to have on my own.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: And if I think of different ways that can make me calm on my own, it's not always practical to do it with a man, it's just.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: It's almost like I have a different experience with a partner that I have on my own.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: There.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes, sometimes almost partners can get like sort of jealous of that.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: Like when you're in a relationship, right, and there's a partner that is continuing to masturbate, Like, I feel like sometimes there can be like a jealousy thing and I'm just curious is that more so because maybe like an ego, an ego thing of like I'm not doing it or you're doing it yourself or you don't need me, or something like that To be?
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: fair.
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: Just personally speaking, I don't understand why would anyone get offended.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, like you own your sexuality.
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: I don't understand why would anyone get offended.
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: Um, I mean, like you own your sexuality, I don't own your sexuality.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: I think it's already pretty incredible that if you are in a monogamous relationship, that we choose we will only express our sexuality with each other.
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: But my sexuality is mine, not my partner's.
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: It doesn't belong to him or her, it belongs to to me, and I choose, maybe to keep it for you, right, if we want to have a monogamous relationship.
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: But I'm like, I still am a sexual being and for me this is one of the ways to keep the sexuality alive in our bodies, so that we don't like, we're not fully dependent, like, well, my part, like I say I argued with my partner or they're not available.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: So now there's no sex for two weeks, like I'm not limited to my partner's body, there is all of the things I can do myself.
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: So for me it's natural, it's normal and in fact I would say please do I'm not going to say you should, but very close to that.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you talk about and I really relate to that of just like they're a partner and flesh and just the connection that's had in that way.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: Obviously, doing it solo can't really match that.
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of the smells and the tastes and all these different things that come into play with actual sex than self-pleasure.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: But when we're talking about sex and intimacy, can you get a little bit just into like the differences and you know how we can achieve both?
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: So I, like you, said this before that intimacy and sex is not the same.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: So I always say you can have intimacy without sex and you can have sex without intimacy, and unfortunately, a lot of us do so.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: For me, intimacy is it's not a what, it's a how.
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: So it would be almost how do you have sex?
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: But not just sex, it's how do you live.
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: So my definition of intimacy is it's the depth of your experience of life.
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: So how deeply do you feel that you are alive?
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: And so that's for everything.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: That's not just sex, that's everything in life.
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: How do you live your life?
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: What is the depth of your life?
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: And so with sex, well, I have nothing against quickies, but in order to feel the depth, we need to pause, to go deep.
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: So it happens in the present moments.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: I have to slow down, and there are moments when we can slow down, we can be present.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: You know going gonna make a little side note here.
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: Remember years ago when I first got into all these spiritual practices and my friend asked me magda, so are you present all the time?
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: And I said no, imagine me driving a car if I was just in the present moment.
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna, you know, cause an accident, because I have to think of what is possible, of what could happen.
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: I have to be focused on the external.
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: So life has different demands.
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: We're not meant to always be present and deep, but most of us have lost the ability to go deep when there is an opportunity for that.
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: That's the problem.
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: It's about us being able to switch.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: I can be, you know, if you want to say masculine, feminine, outward, inward, but it's about being able to move between the two, which most of us.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: We've lost that ability.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: And so the depth during sex is about, yes, slowing down.
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: You can go for like intense, you know thrusting, but then take a moment to slow down and observe the sensations in your body.
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: And if you want to have a quickie, have a quickie, but afterwards just lie down for a moment, your eyes closed, don't interact with your partner, be next to each other, close your eyes and feel your body.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: Actually pay attention to what just happened.
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: It's a bit like I don't know if you've done it.
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: I've done it tons of times and I still do.
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: I know I shouldn't, but you know the difference.
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: Zoom got interesting.
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to turn this off.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: I don't know why my Zoom started doing this and, yeah, we get some visual special effects here.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: So you know, when you eat something and imagine you're eating and watching a movie, versus you're just eating and fully focused on your food it happens that you're eating, you're watching something and you're like, oh wow, I just finished, because your brain didn't register so you don't feel full, you still feel hungry even though the food is in your belly, but because the brain was focused on something else, it didn't register the experience.
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: That's true for everything, everything.
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: So if we rush, like you know, back to the conversation we had at the beginning, men saying oh, I don't have half an hour for sex, that means you never go deep.
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: If you say I never have time for this, great, but then you never go deep, you never actually experienced true intimacy, because for that you need to pause.
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: Don't do, but just be, be so, adding those moments of pauses during or after lovemaking, close your eyes and just feel your body, what just happened yeah, I've discovered that I am a very deep person and I love depth in all areas.
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: And, yeah, I've been in relationships where sex has been very deep, but there's been depth in all areas.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: And yeah, I've been in relationships where sex has been very deep but there's been no depth outside of it, right.
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: And so then it becomes this thing where that's all that we have, right and?
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: And so I think it's important to obviously have that balance between the depth both inside and out of the bedroom, right.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: So you're not just like in a situation where maybe you want a commitment but it's not happening, but you're continuing to show up for the depth that you're found.
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: You know, intimacy that's found within sex, but it is a, it is a beautiful thing, and I think just accepting that about myself just really helped that that's what I create, that's what I'm always seeking, like I've never really been fulfilled with, you know, not not quickies, but like one-offs, because I think that there's a depth that I can't necessarily reach with somebody when it's just a one-time thing, and let's say that you can't have depth there, but just for me personally.
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it's, it's.
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: I'm fully with you on this one, I think, especially having experienced and I'm just going to say tantric lovemaking if you want like this deeper expression of sex.
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: And then I had one lover who wasn't training these practices and like, oh my god, just sex wasn't good.
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: And very often when I tell people this and I know from other of my friends it's the same.
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: When you say like, oh my god, I finally like my sex life is so amazing now and they say like, yeah, but my sex life is good, it's like no, you don't understand, because unless you try deeper sex, you don't understand what you're missing because you never had the experience.
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: So I didn't know how unfulfilling the old type of sex was until I started having deep sex.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: And once you have this and like it just like you know the level of satisfaction and fulfillment you get from this depth you're like I don't want to go back.
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: I want to go back, I need the depth.
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: It's when you realize what's really possible.
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: You realize what your body truly needs, and especially, especially for women.
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: Back to the question we had before why so many women don't orgasm.
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: Because we need that level of depth.
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: We need to go that deep to be able to, and most men don't understand it, most women don't understand it, most people have never even gotten close to that.
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel very fortunate right now to have a partner.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: That it's the depth is there, right?
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's like so much and I think I think, because it's the conversation began from the beginning of being curious and open and obviously, and because it's in all areas of the relationship, it's not just there, but obviously that's not every single person Right.
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: And I think, as you progress and you know if you're dating, I think it's I don't want to say easier, but I think starting from the beginning in that perspective, with that knowledge, and approaching a relationship in that way, makes it a little bit more easier to sort of establish that baseline.
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: Look, honestly, I think so too.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: I think sometimes we want to change patterns of behavior and it's much easier to start it from zero.
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: Let's say, if I want to be better at work, it's much easier to change jobs and start well than to try get better in the previous jobs.
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: I think this is true, this is true, and fortunate or not fortunate, you know, it depends where every person is in their life at the moment.
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: It's not to say it's not possible, but I would say to all the single people, because I'm very often, often asked you know, I'm single, can I practice tantra?
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely Like.
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: And again, even if you're celibate, there's so much you can practice, because then you're starting the relationship from a very different place very different starting point, like you just had.
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah it's.
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: It's very cool.
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: I would love to talk about your book and dive into that a little bit.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: No more faking it.
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: What is this?
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: What is the book about?
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: And I know you talk about these power centers within there.
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: If you want to, yeah, dive into that a little bit.
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: So, you know, if I look at my life, I probably, as everyone, I've made some stupid mistakes, which of course I've learned from, but still there were stupid mistakes which of course I've learned from, but still there were stupid mistakes.
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: And so, you know, through trial and error, I came to conclusion that we have these different voices inside of us and, you know, when you go into spirituality, they tell you to, just, you know, follow your heart.
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: When you go to tantra, you hear that, oh, ask your genitals, ask your sex center, because it's so, you know, it will give you guidance and all of this.
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, instead of just looking whether it's this system or that system, the solution usually it's about combining them all, instead of like, I see there's so much competition in spirituality, which is kind of crazy.
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: So I have developed my own system of working with these four power centers, these, these four voices inside of me which represent, you could say, our four core needs, like this kind of pillars of things we need in life, or you could say, kind of four parts of who we are.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: And so these four centers are your head, your heart, your gut and your pussy or your cock.
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: The book, by the way, is for women, so I talk about the pussy, but men absolutely have the fourth center as well.
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: Now, the whole point here is this Each of these centers, it wants something different.
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: So the head wants you to set the goals and go for them, achieve success, et cetera.
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: Great, very helpful.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: But the downside of it is that you can get burnout.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: I don't know about you, I have not fun.
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: No, your heart.
• 58:03
  Speaker 2: It's all about love and connection.
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: And again, of course, we need love and connection.
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: But there is the shot, there is a shadow here as well.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: The heart can be very naive and it's all about you know.
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, but she's so loving, he's so good, you know, and it makes us stay, for example, in toxic relationships, because we think that love will conquer all and it doesn't.
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: Love is important, but it's not all.
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: Then you have your gut, which wants your safety and security Again very important, but it can keep you away from learning.
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: And then, finally, the pussy, or the cock.
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: It's about pleasure, not just sexual, and again, this is so needed.
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: This is where I think Tantra really comes in, because so many of us keep forgetting to just enjoy life, right, we're just like, because so many of us live from the head, it's all about the goals and you don't enjoy the process.
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: But the downside of it is that our sex center loves instant gratification and it's very spoiled.
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: Everything is now and it doesn't think about consequences.
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: So if you, for example, ever met let's say if I met a guy and I knew he had a girlfriend, but I was like, oh, but I really want him.
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: That's the sex center, the pussy would be like go for it, who cares?
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: So maybe even when I tell you about these centers, you guys can kind of feel like, oh, yeah, okay, this is what I've been doing.
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: Most people, at any given time of your life, you'll see that one of these centers took over and it's bossing you around.
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: So inside the book I actually have a quiz for people to find out which of the centers is controlling your life right now.
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: And this is the starting point, because what happens with people is that we have this internal fight between these centers, and so you will always feel torn and you'll always end up doing things that are going to be rather going to have painful consequences for you.
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: And so the test allows you to understand first which center controls you, then why the center is controlling you because it shows unmet needs that you need to look at and then how to incorporate the other three so you can feel balanced.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: Now this is the system that can be used in any area of life.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: I had one of my clients.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: She actually talked to her power centers to know if she should merge her company with another one.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: So that's pretty incredible.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: To make such big business decisions, but especially for women, requires us to perfectly honor our boundaries and needs as intimacy and sex.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: So this is why the book is for women, because it's about giving women a tool to really feel empowered to say yes or to say no in sex.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 2: Own your yes and own your no, because so many women don't um, yeah, that's.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: I read a quote in um a return to Eros.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've read that book, mark Gaffney, but it's all about, you know, sexuality and and how Eros is in everything, right, like sort of like Tantra, right, it's not just sex, it's everything.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: But um, he, he said, um, oh, he said arousal is not consent and regret is not rape.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: And I thought it was just such a beautiful thing to be able to like sort of.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: It reminded me of that sort of like own your yes and own your no right Just because you're aroused doesn't mean that it's a yes right.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: You can still say no, even if your body is reacting in a certain way.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: And I think that's important for women to connect with, because it is confusing, sometimes, right, where we feel a certain way, but internally and again connecting to those centers and understanding what's coming from them and what's what actually is wanted, rather than just running by, maybe you know, like the pussy and just being like yes, you know when everything else is like no exactly so I have.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: I have a story in the book.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: I talk about it, which is actually how I discovered my gut.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: So I was living in the tantric community which praises the sex center, like listen to your pussy right, like there is wisdom.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 2: And I needed this because before that I hadn't done that, so it was needed for me.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: But then I met this guy, so he was my.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: I was getting the license for a motorcycle in Poland, he was my instructor and just the full story is in the book.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: So I don't want to, I don't want to take too much time here, but let's just say this man was everything I would not want and he kept making a move on me and at one point he kissed me and my pussy got wet and I was like, well, this is confusing, this is so confusing and I really didn't know, know, I didn't know what to do.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: I felt so torn and I had the voices from my tantric teachers.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: You know like, give your pussy.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: You know like, let her guide you, let her lead you.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 2: But there's something in my body that just kept saying don't, don't, don't, and I didn't.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: And later I realized it was my god telling me don't do it.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: And what I learned and this was another very powerful observation for me is that it wasn't my arousal, it was his.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: So because he was very fiery and he really wanted me, so his arousal, his passion, was so intense that when I was in his proximity, in the way that arousal energetically, was like embodying me as well, and so my body was feeling his energy.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 2: But it wasn't my arousal, and had I just followed my pussy, I would have actually ended up having sex with someone I didn't want to, and so I was like, oh, wow, okay, okay.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: And so that was one of the pivotal moments for me in switching how I live my life and exactly developing the system of the four power centers to really like.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: It was first again for myself, and then I just started teaching this to my one-on-one clients to give women a tool.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: Like what you said.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: Sometimes there's a part of the body that says yes and another part says no, and the thing is that we're so often in life in that space it's not a yes, it's not a no and, as long as you like, if part of my body says do it and a part of my body says don't, if I do it, I'm actually abusing myself because I just ignored my own boundary.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 2: But the other way around is also true.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: If a part of my body says go for it and a part of my body says don't, and I choose not to do it, I'm actually ignoring my need.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: So none of the options is good.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: And because so often, especially women just kind of go like, oh fine, whatever right, it's just kind of it's so common for us to do that, it's just who cares that I don't really feel aligned with this.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 2: Let's just do it or let's just not do it.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: If you keep doing this over and over again, you're destroying your self-esteem because you keep telling yourself that, oh, what I need doesn't matter, my boundaries don't matter, and so if you start doing this in sex, you're going to block your body from being able to orgasm, like it's a trauma.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: This is trauma, and so we need to be able to work with these voices inside of us to understand okay, so what do you need?
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: Why do you want this?
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: Why do you not want this to happen?
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 2: Like, actually have conversations with these centers to learn about yourself more, so you can respect yourself more.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: So in the book I have a lot of practices and you guys are also going to get guided meditations, together with the book, to be able to do it.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: But this is the essence Start talking to all of your four power centers to actually feel empowered in your decisions.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: And then it doesn't matter if a guy is going to tell you that, oh, I don't have time for 40-minute sex because you're just going to check in with your body.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 2: It's like then it's no to sex because my body wants 40 minutes.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: Do what you want.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 2: It really helps us say yes and say no when we know exactly where this feeling is coming from.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: You won't be questioning this because you know exactly why you say this.
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think it's so important to get in tune with our body because we're so disconnected from it that we don't even understand the messages that it's telling us.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: And sort of to your point of your story, when we get wet or we get turned on, we only hear that right Sometimes and not the other things, or we disregard the other things or our mind lets us, you know, talks us out of it.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: And that's a topic I get like, so, like passionate about.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: Is this connection with our body, because we just we don't hear it right, we don't, we, we're just, we're not connected to it.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: I think it's so important in anything but you know, specifically with sex and relationships and being able to, yeah, yeah, just see that this is a no and also understanding that, like you said, that energetic exchange, like you are receiving his energy, and if we don't understand or don't have a connection with our own body, then we'll always confuse that for ours.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: And so, yeah, it's, it's so powerful to be, able to connect in and ground in.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 2: Honestly, I think, if I was to kind of summarize my whole spiritual and healing path, the main thing is I am actually connected to myself.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: I go inwards, I hear myself because before all the focus was outwards and I think this is the place where we all want to get, and you can get there through many different ways.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: I got there through Tantra.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: Someone can choose another path, that's fine, but that's the place we want to be in.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: It's like actually have the connection with yourself.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's where it all is.
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so how can people find your book, how they find you, how can they work with you, anything that you want to let them know, um, I'll have it all in the show notes, but if you want to just let them know as well, of course.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 2: So first of all, guys, you are actually lucky because this month we are celebrating one year anniversary of my book, which means to celebrate one year, we are offering the digital version for $1.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 2: So this is happening this month, so head to Amazon Now.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: It's available on most local Amazon stores.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: I know sometimes there are different regulations, so just double check, but it's available, definitely on the amazoncom UK, et cetera Kindle for $1.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: So enjoy this.
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: If you prefer the physical book or an audiobook, we have this as well, and I would love to connect with you guys.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 2: Uh, if you would love to continue this conversation, I am mostly active on youtube.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 2: You can just search for magda k and on instagram and it's magda k official and basically.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: So there's one person online whose name is magda k.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: She's a DJ.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 2: I'm not a DJ, so anything that's not about music, that's gonna be me.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: So you can just go online, search for Magda K.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: You're gonna find my website, all the social media, and I would love to connect and feel free, like, if you want to shoot me a message, if you're interested in working together, message me, tell me that you were listening to us talk on the podcast, so I know also where you're coming from.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: I really love knowing how people found this information and I'll be happy to connect and continue the conversation.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being here and for opening this conversation.
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: It's been fascinating.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 2: Thank you for having me.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 2: Thank you you.