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Denny Horror - Amor · Comedy Central Stand-Up

0:02
Comedy Central podcast. Hahahaha? What? Tal? What? Tal? What?
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Tal? What? Tal? Good night, good Slavic joy. I
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' m Danny, that' s what he calls me here in Madrid,
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but when I was little they called me The Prince. It' s not
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because I was very handsome, because my parents were cousins and right now my
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second monologue for paramon comit is my second Monolatego, the first one got in
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a few months ago. It was called death and it was as a journey
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for darker and depressing riconies of human existence, not as death and suicide the
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forties Latino. I do believe, I think this monologue has created me as
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a rare fame, you know as a macabre and dark person and really nothing
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further from reality. I' m a very vitalistic guy. I gave it
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to my mother. When we were little, my mother always told us every
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new day of life is a reason for celebration. Then we found out he
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was an alcoholic. But well, hahahahaha, j is hard to figure out
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these things. Custa realizes. For example, my father is a lugopath and
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I have taken him in secret and we realized because he always eats the fruit
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of three in three. It' s like nothing. They' re good
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people and my old people are good people. In fact, we have a
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tradition of our family that there is always Christmas Eve. We always sit a
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poor man at our table, then the man has a terrible time there watching
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us stamp and so on. But now to that detail is detail. The
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thing is, I want to change the image, I want to change the
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image. So I' ve decided that this new monologue is going to be
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entirely about love. Oh, how beautiful is love? Right, what is
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love? They say love is never saying I' m never sorry, which
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is a bitch. If it' s already colander, of course precocious,
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because then what do you say. YEAAA. Well, I think if we
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' re going to start doing a little experiment, okay, the girls in
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the living room, let' s just imagine that tonight we have a little
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bit of a skank. I, who know sometimes happens or have been told,
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I like to imagine that if you know you do not break my dream
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and come here they are the one with a few drinks brother then you finish
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the night, because I do not know how this handsome gentleman in the second
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row, for example, what you call yourself the boy of Rojo Sergio.
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This wasn' t casual. Sergio. I have told you Sergio, because
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I know that he is a regular spectator of true comedy and has fame throughout
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the Spanish circuit of being an exceptional lover. It' s like a Greek
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sex god out there in sport as in fact, as in fact many of
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the girls who come here to Joyslava and Bun come out that another young man
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to Vigo is Sergio. But let' s imagine girl, let' s
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imagine that tonight you' re going to marry Sergio and incredibly because of these
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coincidences that you' re one in a million, we' re not going
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to apologize, Sergio. But tonight you don' t have the day.
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Tonight, Sergio doesn' t have the day. But isn' t it
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that I throw the worst at you or what I' ve thrown into your
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life is that tonight, Sergio throws the worst at you? Dust that no
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human being cast to another. Never in history. Tonight, that' s
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how he does everything wrong, all wrong. Basically, he rides on top,
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farts, calls you Mom and cries. We' ve all been there,
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Sergio, we' re you, we' re with you, and
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there you are, you' ve really been naked next to Sergio' s
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heavy body, uh, and sweaty, spending the most alien shame of your
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life, waiting at that moment so hard for us guys to tell you that,
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because I don' t know what happened to me this time that never
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happened to me. But Sergio doesn' t do that. He looks at
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your eyes and tells you how you stay. And now the next one says
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rock me to, friend and I' m out of here tonight with Sergio,
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you tell him, you say without words, without square, that is,
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the town was horrible. But I' ll tell you one thing.
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That bastard' s got style. Yeah, folks, let' s just
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say when we get married when we want to. It' s much better
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for me to say. He' s here. I don' t know,
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imagine Zapatero, not the last Congress, when they told him about but
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this sea that said there was no crisis. Imagine answering with two balls.
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Yeaa. It would be like ah good, because don' t you forgive
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or let' s say yea you know when you lend or know you have
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no idea, but you' re going to try luck and nourish blank.
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And but that takes it. He looks at you and says it' s
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done. We apologize, not what we have to say and look at you
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talk about it. Look, I put a zero on the test, but
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a ten on molar. Say come on, you know, when you go
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listening to music, not down the street too much to you. Te.
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Looks like everyone listens to the music at the same volume as you and you
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' re farting a little bit. You don' t think anyone' s
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mad, but an old lady is looking at you, an old woman I
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haven' t heard. We apologize to that old bitch. What do we
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have to say. Hey, and people will say that guy stinks of success.
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Oh, imagine you' re with tomato coming home to your partner.
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We get caught in bed. Here we' re going to say this isn
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' t what it looks like, not what we have to say. I
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confess I wouldn' t have balls, but uf ah look, look,
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look at this delivery, that one or that you' ve come as a
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couple, my God. So it' s ye ha ha the burden,
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nothing' s gonna be cool. It' s just not how love works.
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Not that it' s how it works. For example, my girlfriend
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when I met her attracted me a lot. You know right away because it
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looks like a teenager. You know what teenagers are like, not always like
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a snot of disdain that is this no- go- go- go-
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go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
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- go- go- go- go- go- go- go-
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go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
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- go- go- go- go- go- go- go-
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go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
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- go- go- go- go- go- go- go-
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go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
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- go- go- go- go- go- go- go-
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go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
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- go- go- go- go- go- go- go-
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go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
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- go- go- go- go- go- go. I asked
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her about life. Hey, he told me no, I didn' t
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talk I could and it didn' t make it easy for me. It
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didn' t make it easy for me. In fact, Dani told me
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she wouldn' t go out with you or die. But I have a
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lot of perseverance and you take out a shovel kisses and you know how I
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conquered it friend, you know how I conquered it with love letters. If
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you want to conquer a woman, nothing better than to write a love letter
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carefully, this can be counterproductive. If you have many spelling faults, because
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for a true girl to receive a love letter with faults is like a detail
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that is tender but at the same time gruesome. It' s not like
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I' m singing your birthday. He' s happy, a bunch of
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gangy kids, like it' s okay, but you can shut up freaks
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pussy and before there was love trises. You know this. Before in every
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culture I had a God of love. God is that a man like Eros
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or Eastar Aphrodite is easily recognized, right, because everyone has the name of
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Puti Club. Now we don' t have love hyons anymore. We haven
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' t had since love. We have love movies that are also magical.
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Not because the tumor movies are these that if you watch it one day on
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TV every week it disgusts you, but if you catch it on a Sunday
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of hangovers you cry like a bitch, you know it' s like I
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don' t know perty Woman. We' ve all seen plati Woman.
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True, this entrepreneur does not tell you a prostitute and in the end he
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ends up asking for marriage, which is not clear if he does, because
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it is very romantic or a cheap one. You know it' s like
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uf because we almost made it official. Then it' s Titanic, not
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Titanic. A lot of people find it sad titanic because in the end you
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know that the boy dies and is left alone. But if you imagine it
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' s the story of a boat that falls in love with an Iceberg,
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ends well, they don' t end up together, I just love happy
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endings. I adore happy endings. That' s why I give it to
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American movies or Chinese hairdressers. Depends, depends on the day. Then there
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is another kind of love, which is love for animals. Not recently I
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wanted to have a pet. She was a protector here who' s been
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proming a protector once. Yeah, it' s something that' s really
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nice to do around here, no, but it' s also hard,
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right, because of course you have to see all those abandoned faces together,
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not those eyes that beg for love. It' s like going into vitic
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com you know, it' s like or why here you saw a hug,
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a buzz. I don' t know goodbye I' m more of
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a dog or a cat. How are more dogs or cats, but here,
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on this side and cats. You always had a cat, but I
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recognize you' re a shit mascot. I mean, especially when you'
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re in love, not because you know, when you' re in love,
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it' s meet someone you know and you walk out of the shower
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naked and dancing sexy you' re like and suddenly you realize that you'
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re not alone at home. If you have a dog, it doesn'
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t matter, because the pro is like he doesn' t understand anything,
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but he participates. You know how he hears. I don' t know
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what' s going on, but it doesn' t look cool. But
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if you have a cat, it' s a roll cut, because you
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stand there and move two looking at you. It' s like how strong
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he looks at you, you don' t think that if cats talked,
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they' d all have a voice like a bad faggot and fuck you up.
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If I never fuck up your car, dude. That' s why
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you' ve noticed that dictators, all dictators have dogs. None of them
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have cats. In fact, there is a custom in the United States that
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the President of the United States, with your love, wanders to the White
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House. This tradition that carries a dog. These people could never bring abduction.
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You know why it is? Because it has to be very frustrating to
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know that you' re the most powerful person in the world and you don
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' t have the balls to force your vote to do anything. If he
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doesn' t want to, you know, I can be the worst dictator.
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Hilder gets him with a cat would have missed it. It would be
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like already for the pacucha key not pachucha forgives. It' s very strong.
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But we' re talking about love, friends, we' re talking
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about love. They say beauty is inside. That' s why people kill
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for extreme planning. No. You don' t have to make appearances,
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Friends, you don' t have to trust the apparent ones, especially at
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night. If it hasn' t happened that you sleep with a princess and
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wake up like an infant, you don' t have to trust that price
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either girls, because, for example, you look at me that you see
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a white boy, but all my lovers say that in bed I am transformed
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by a black, specifically that step furkel Ja. We already filmed a little
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with sex. Not that the whole world has the fantasy of lying down every
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night as an unknown person, but that can only be done by rock stars
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with the sick. Such a good hemer. If there is any gassed person
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who has the family and has found it wrong, please not just to the
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chest, tomorrow will have been alive and then there are people with fetishes.
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If I don' t confetify you and I have a colleague who' s
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your biggest fetish is screwing a virgin always there. I want to throw away
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a virgin? I want to throw away a virgin? I want to throw
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away a virgin? And I don' t understand it, because I tried
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it once and I didn' t like it as a mom and then I
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almost got killed by the brothers in the fraternity. You don' t have
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to forgive. You don' t have to forgive me. I' m
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a boy, very romantic. I' m very romantic. I like to
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think that all the girls I' ve been with have taken a little bit
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of me is what has the oriasis. Don' t pull this system.
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I like it because it always stays like floating in the environment. Not everyone
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is living their experience and it is nice that it is so. Now I
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' m cold, you' ve fucked her lately. Not because she wants
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us to have children and I don' t want to, and it'
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s a very tough situation in a couple. Not because she, to feel
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realized as a woman, needs a baby, but I don' t want
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anything. So how do you figure it out? Not good, the fairest
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thing if I' ve always given a monkey to the middle way truth and
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the same to you this remote tells me Danni what you' re going a
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monkey is not a child that I tell you good wait for millions of years,
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that if we want it all now it' s very easy. And
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he didn' t take it well, that is, he takes it well,
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that is, he' s angry and he' s gone home and
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he' s left me with the monkey. But I' m good at
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it. I' m doing well because when you' re in a very
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long relationship, you don' t realize that living with a monkey looks pretty
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much like living with your girlfriend. Not because we' re going to talk
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to you, and after a minute in your head, you can only hear
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uuaaaaaaaaaaaa. But, Brother, you have an advantage. The monkey has an
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advantage, and at the same time makes pirouettes, you hahahahaja. So,
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girls, girls, girls, girls, girls who are looking at me now
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I have an eyebrow up and cross a tip. I have a roll and
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a roll if you complained that we didn' t see you. Listen,
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when you talk to him, put something else on your side, but he
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' s gonna give you a couple of flips. Hey, it' s
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not the same thing. It' s not the same thing your nine is
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talking to you. I don' t know about the last mari of the
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fifteen m There' s the go of the door that' s boring,
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but imagine he does it hanging from the lamp face down. It' s
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how I' m interested. Well, I know you' ve learned a
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little bit in this part. We all know that man comes from the monkey.
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In the case of the Jonkies, continuously that like this of the Johnkys,
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I have always had a doubt not, because to see we all know
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that a Yonking cannot have a coherent conversation, but either the first division forces
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or forces. So I say to see they haven' t been fooling themselves
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and it turns out that what fucks your brain is not really drugs and it
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' s chandal. My girl says I changed her life. It' s
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nice for a girl to tell you that, not the roles she always says
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crying and breaking things. It' s not hard being it' s not
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hard on me boyfriend, because you don' t just have to be a
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lover and friend, right, sometimes you also have to be a psychologist.
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The other day I didn' t get very sad home. Tenny told me.
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I think I hate my father, or I' m a more person.
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Of course not, honey. Everyone hates your father. He' s
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a drunk. Sometimes I do not think about finding out children. I like
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ninchos, I like kids you know no, not as much as Michael Jackson,
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but you have a son. Okay. I don' t want to
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make a joke about this. In fact, I' m going to explain.
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I' m a big fan of Michael Jackson. No, and I
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had a really bad time when people joke that with this subject because we didn
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' t remember how things went. Not really to see. For starters,
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Michel Jackson wasn' t convicted of this case He was innocent. Second,
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he wasn' t accused of raping children either. They were good, some
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touching, talking bad, some straws that won' t leave either. And
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finally, the child who accused him was a child of a very poor family
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who had to canher and Mekal Jackson paid for the treatment, I knew the
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life of that child and man called my hypochondriac, but I sincerely believe that
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if I had cancer and any of you saved my life, I have no
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problem. Don' t take a straw. It' s just that I
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make you the straw of your life. Come on, look, I put
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you on incense, a record worse than Ana Rosa' s show, the
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total straw. And this has not made me think that there are many problems
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in the world, in many problems. Not because right now people are dying
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of diseases that have been eradicated. It' s the middle age and that
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' s happening not only makes the world, it' s happening much closer
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in Murcia, b in lugo. And on the other hand, luckily,
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by desiring you, we also have many perverts with money. I don'
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t know if you see where I' m going, but it wouldn'
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t be cool if the government didn' t take out a law that basically
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says if you knew someone' s life you could throw it away once it
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would be so bad. It' s immoral. Yeah, it' s
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responsive, yeah, we' d save lives. So, you want to
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want me to take this idea to the children' s days and call me
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upset. Maybe there are more things you shouldn' t joke about. Never.
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No, for example, sexual abuse, right, sexual abuse is never
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fun. Never unless you get raped, it' s a little road boy.
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But that' s very difficult. Let' s think about this.
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Someone in this room I islanda, can assure eye ensure that if you were
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shot by little boy from the driveway at no time would you miss the laugh.
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Well, I don' t say at the time of the rape,
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that it' s obviously very hard and very dramatic, but then I would
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commit myself to rebuilding the facts. I have a suspect then. He'
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s a white male of about sixty, bald in a shirt of many colors
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and how it was that he attacked me walking so calmly. So today who
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does copode now and can' t tell us anything else. I don'
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t just remember his twin blades and the attack took place in an open field.
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Right, yeah, how do you know? He is the sinner of
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the prairie. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, nothing, but we are, we are talking about
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love and we have strayed in addition to one aspect perhaps not at the end.
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Yes, it' s true that my girl ended up leaving me,
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saying she needed to be with a man who would surprise you every day.
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I guess he' s happy because he left like a schizophrenic, but not
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according to Rico, he wasn' t fat nicol baton that while we were
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together, he gave me everything a woman can give a man. But not
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that venereal thing. And that' s because we complicated a lot. Love
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isn' t that hard. Love isn' t that complicated. I,
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to be really happy, the only thing I would need is you know what
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the love of a normal girl is, and nothing more, just the love
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of a normal girl, good for two dwarfs. But it is and now
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I am learning what the taste of lovelessness is, not the taste of lovelessness.
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And it' s funny because many great poets have asked what the taste
18:30
of love is, many great poets. No Williams is invisible spirit, but
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no one has ever wondered what he knows. The lovebreaker was thinking about it.
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He can' t know, obviously, anything rich. It has to
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know sadness, loneliness, depression and what we eat when we' re sad,
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overwhelmed, depressed, when we give a shit, then I realized that
18:45
lovelessness, at least my lovelessness, has to know Chinese pizza. You know
18:52
what the fuck I' m talking about. It is not these pizzas that
18:56
they sell in Chinese shops cost between two euros, two and a half euros.
18:57
There' s like eight lins varieties. I didn' t know anything
19:02
that already when you' re taking your whole bread from failure. The whole
19:03
bread of failure, the one that doesn' t know consists of Chinese pizza,
19:07
bag of potatoes and liter of beer that the dependent sells to you as
19:10
if you really want to do this to the lucky cat they look at you
19:15
it' s like I can' t see this and I understand that it
19:19
' s a necessary product, protente, but it should be more sincere with
19:22
the shit that they' re selling to us than that thing of putting names
19:25
close, those pizzas. You know primame pizza. Here I am treading spring,
19:27
not pizza spring. It should be called raw winter pizza. The four
19:33
seasons, four disappointments, the margarita, the tear and the coal, the
19:37
ortega, the lara or the yea more with people. And one last thing
19:51
because since I' ve been out on Palmon Comedy, sometimes people recognize me
19:55
on the street. It' s not funny, because you know when people
19:56
go near everybody they have the same thing. Another world asks him the same
19:59
thing. It' s how Dani recommends golden rain. Boy, I know
20:06
and I always ask all the same questions. Of course, you should all
20:11
put the juvedoruda with your partner at least once and you have not like it
20:15
no matter what, because second of your partner leaves you for another person and
20:19
you cross them down the street. You' ll be grateful to have that
20:23
mental image. You know Tessatros a lot more sincere sopssa. It' ll
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be like yea and since you' ve been a wonderful audience tonight and I
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' m going to do one thing I don' t usually do, which
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is, I' d like you to read a poem written about love and
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see I' m not a poet, I already say it in advance.
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Maybe a little low. After so much, Joker won' t end up
20:51
with a little poetry, but I hope this time you' ll let me
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say so you ask me what love is. While you eat a Rockefort cheese,
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which guy has to arrive, you know what we are poetry critics in
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Yoislav Now you don' t better ask me what love is. It is
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beauty and imperfection are two mouths that bind with leporine lips. Love is a
21:26
seven- messine chimpanzee baby. It' s a shared mental retardation. It
21:33
' s a lurrid song versioned by pitingo. It' s beautiful for the
21:44
one who lives it and the one who sees it. Disgusting like a turtle
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' s orgasge or the singing of a gango boy. It' s a
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traumatic experience I' ll do when I' m reminded of. Love is
21:53
to be raped by a small man on the road. It' s eating
22:06
Chinese floor chewing melancholy while your cat watches you thinking how he knew. But
22:12
even if you' re fucked. If he knocks on your door again,
22:15
don' t say outside, don' t go away or run away.
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Let' s all say stronger to the rest now. Thank you very much,
22:25
Jos. If a cop laughs