Latest / Comedy Central Stand-Up / Jorge Yorya - Standup comedy

Transcript

Jorge Yorya - Standup comedy · Comedy Central Stand-Up

• 0:02
  Comedy Central Podcastja. Thank you very much, friends. I' ll try
• 0:17
  not to talk too much about dicks. He' s coming back for a
• 0:21
  moment of a lot of twitching. We' re seeing a moment of a
• 0:23
  lot of expation, if there' s not a lot of crypticness in which
• 0:26
  people are very crummy and very clumsy last year, some bad- borns murdered
• 0:32
  George Floyd. We remembered the world stopped you to honor them and a well
• 0:38
  - known human rights organization called Operation Triumph. He didn' t want to
• 0:44
  be less. They performed with several artists and at the end they all knelt
• 0:52
  down as a tribute. What a nice man if he hadn' t died.
• 0:58
  So I mean the tribute to Coby Brian is not a compilation of helicopter
• 1:06
  accidents. You know who would want to see that hope Aguirre? Hope,
• 1:11
  aguirre? I' d like to see that wasn' t a rhetorical question.
• 1:11
  I' d say I' d save myself from him. We'
• 1:15
  re too cruddy, folks, there' s very childish people. Any day
• 1:18
  a Spaniard kills one of his brothers, but let' s not talk about
• 1:22
  how the bourbons were playing. Let' s not talk about this. These
• 1:33
  are difficult times to have faith. I have many questions about Catholicism, which
• 1:37
  is the faith in which I grew up where Joseph was when Jesus was recorded
• 1:41
  on the Cross. If the Pope is Argentine, why there are no empanadas
• 1:44
  in the Vatican. Why the church doesn' t have tiktok. The police
• 1:48
  have tiktok. You know what opening up the priests before for having kids dancing
• 1:51
  for free. But the question what else I ask myself is how Catholicism has
• 2:00
  done so that in a while it is apart The horoscope eats her toast like
• 2:09
  this you have noticed how long ago I have told you that a well-
• 2:15
  known non- friend tells us great uncle. I' ve heard of Jesus,
• 2:20
  you fucking man. It' s like aquamans and the obsession with the
• 2:23
  very mystical weights and the horoscope enters Instagram looks at a story and this is
• 2:30
  so sad that Cójones, when this has happened two thousand twenty- one,
• 2:35
  the year in which people are more atheists than anyone tell of my destiny.
• 2:38
  But a jaimenis doesn' t fail me that you already know sombrero. What
• 2:40
  the fuck. I don' t understand anything, because I' m not
• 2:46
  the greatest advocate of Catholicism, but fuck about the flyer. The club that
• 2:49
  wins is that of Catholicism, what Catholicism offers you, offers you the sky,
• 2:53
  say them a fucking place, that is, it' s nice.
• 2:57
  It' s an endless party and drink refiel. The sky is like what
• 2:59
  outo sas believe is andorra is worth and is in all the people you want
• 3:05
  at its best moment, at its best, that this is very important.
• 3:08
  Okay, so it' s heaven. It' s a party of former
• 3:10
  students, without balds or divorced, or people who in two thousand thirteen said
• 3:15
  in bitcoichs no, but Nerva Lipe, I think I' m going to
• 3:19
  make money, that is, and what the horoscope friend Capricorn offers you,
• 3:24
  offers you the astral letter. I' ve already looked into it for you.
• 3:27
  The extra letter you know what the instagram pio of your soul is.
• 3:31
  The Astral Card is a precise X- ray. What tells you how you
• 3:37
  ' re also an X- ray. You know how I' ve seen
• 3:38
  the doctor coming, sir, who' s there in his well- dressed
• 3:40
  robe, who looks good, who smells good presence, and who puts your
• 3:44
  folio there in a light and you see this point here and this point you
• 3:49
  see this gap between the two. This is your meniscus. That' s
• 3:53
  why your knee hurts. You know, because this works exactly the same.
• 3:55
  It' s just that a man fights, he' s a combatant,
• 3:59
  there' s a subtle one that makes a lot of difference, that smells
• 4:02
  like five days ago, that doesn' t smell good and that responds to
• 4:05
  names like admon Ah no Belzebedo, which is actually called Juan Carlos, the
• 4:08
  poor man. And it says you see here, it puts your folio and
• 4:10
  you say you see here birgoin flames and cancer making the pine bridge. You
• 4:17
  see this line that I painted with a pencil before you came, because you
• 4:23
  ' re an asshole. No doubt, you' re assholes. According to
• 4:25
  this, you' re such an asshole. And in case there was any
• 4:27
  doubt about the sessions it is fifty euros. People are so squeaky. You
• 4:31
  haven' t heard from a news story recently that they' re going to
• 4:35
  release a series of Ana Boleyn. You make him the lady who saw royalty
• 4:39
  a long time ago and she' s going to be played by a black
• 4:44
  actress and people have become very angry. People get so angry. Chrispan people
• 4:46
  these things. You know when this happens very often in reality that suddenly there
• 4:50
  is a series or a movie, a book that there was a character with
• 4:54
  specific characteristics and they do it again and suddenly it makes him very angry.
• 4:59
  He is always very angry that he interprets it to a black or worse God,
• 5:02
  do not love a woman. Have you seen him, yes or no?
• 5:05
  Have you seen him or not? That you say you don' t
• 5:10
  understand that that' s insulted the character' s characteristics and that we'
• 5:15
  re fans of him. That it is true that we are five years from
• 5:15
  that the biography of Martin lighter Kin interprets him Jacki Chan is true there is
• 5:19
  Hadley, sorry, sorry, that is insulting the character. That' s
• 5:30
  fake. Well, in Namibia, a country in Africa, Adolf Hitler,
• 5:40
  a black man, has won the elections. You can look for him.
• 5:46
  It' s totally real news. That is, Adolf Hitler is not the
• 5:50
  side of the original Hiller Zombie, who has gone to Africa as a footballer
• 5:53
  who leaves the Chinese League, because it is the easiest. The election has
• 5:57
  not been won by a black man named Adolf Hiller, who had to ask
• 5:59
  him when the winner you are interested in world domination because they were fucked up.
• 6:03
  But also, I mean, if I had a friend to name the
• 6:05
  card rar them when we do pixo in the kitchen, he sure I get
• 6:09
  it. But this is not how beautiful you see. What is this is
• 6:11
  not how precious it is. This means, on the one hand, there
• 6:13
  is no greater punishment for the original dorf Hiller than seeing the reboot of his
• 6:16
  own series from hell played by a black. The only way to piss him
• 6:21
  off more is that he fought evil by being black panter, using the tora
• 6:26
  the only way. On the other hand, friend Capricorn, if the name
• 6:32
  Adolf Hiller has managed to redeem himself that you can' t get you who
• 6:41
  can' t get anyone who won' t see who knows. Maybe in
• 6:42
  a few years we' ll discover the Ortega Cano autoschool, maybe we'
• 6:47
  ll see the José Breton nursery, maybe they' ll change the name to
• 6:51
  Google Maps for Madeley. I don' t know, I' m not
• 6:55
  saying it' s a good idea or that' s okay with me,
• 7:00
  but maybe we' ll see it good. You want us to tell a
• 7:02
  nice story before we go I like beautiful stories and or not. Thank you
• 7:09
  very much. I am not going to talk about the pandemic, but there
• 7:11
  is one thing that we will all agree on, which is that that June
• 7:14
  of two thousand and twenty has been remembered as the crack of twenty- nine
• 7:17
  of love. Suddenly everyone could go to the streets and all the people who
• 7:21
  were up to their partner' s dick put an end to it that day.
• 7:26
  I hate you after the street You don' t put me on the
• 7:29
  day of years You brother- in- law and your friends. I'
• 7:30
  ve got to take what' s already done. Everyone left it that day.
• 7:32
  Everyone here has a lot of breakups. That' s good, because
• 7:36
  my best friend left him that day, my best friend that josé day with
• 7:40
  a guy that I introduced to them besides that gave me a hard time.
• 7:42
  Well, not much. She' s my best friend, the one who
• 7:44
  was a lot. I didn' t like him, but a guy you
• 7:45
  know these people who are like very pretty. He was a very handsome,
• 7:46
  handsome guy at Plan Holwood. You see these people who are very beautiful,
• 7:50
  but then they are very poor for the handsome, who are a truth that
• 7:58
  they have Hollywood face, wallet, caravan, shella, star face, Michelín
• 8:03
  Pocket menu and see who because these people exist, because it is thanks,
• 8:15
  because that will be chosen big the first stretch of the irpf Friends, because
• 8:18
  I introduced them to a party. You know those moments when you present two
• 8:20
  people that you know both of them and you see how they look at each
• 8:26
  other, and you say, oh, my God. I know what both
• 8:28
  people want and I know what they' re like and you see how the
• 8:31
  spark comes out is how they' re falling in love live and you say,
• 8:37
  oh my God, these two are going to be smashed. They can
• 8:41
  ' t be more incompatible. You can hear them screaming in a gynos.
• 8:46
  I mean, this is Germany telling Poland in the thirty- nine baby here
• 8:50
  on the roll. This is gonna be a shame. I introduced you to
• 8:54
  the confinement, you' re charging your relationship. You know when you leave
• 8:58
  it with someone. There are things that are well lost back and there are
• 9:00
  things that are not right to ask back. Right. It' s not
• 9:01
  the same thing to say, Nena, that college sweatshirt, I wasn'
• 9:05
  t with you. When tra di reminds me of times I bet. It
• 9:07
  ' s not the same thing to say that the bentolen. Please, asthma
• 9:13
  hasn' t left him with anyone. It' s not the same.
• 9:16
  Okay, so what you' re going on about is asking for presents back.
• 9:20
  Right, if there' s a gift and you give it back,
• 9:22
  it' s a little bit of crap. I mean, listen, you
• 9:24
  ' ve inhabited my heart for a while, but you think you' re
• 9:26
  gonna get bail back. This mattress wasn' t here and when we started
• 9:30
  being a homemade bastard. Well, here' s the gentleman asking for a
• 9:33
  present back. You know he' s asking him back. He' ll
• 9:37
  satisfy you. Suddenly, the ventolin seems to us for so much, for
• 9:43
  he asked for the satisfaction back and gave it to him. Guys and gave
• 9:46
  it to him. We didn' t understand shit. We didn' t
• 9:50
  know what to do. We said we bought him another satisfaction but that'
• 9:52
  s very personal, not a few speeds. It' s a rhythm.
• 9:52
  I' m sure we' d finish it with the present. If I
• 9:54
  at home sometimes put a program in Dishwasher that does not cause it, I
• 9:56
  always get angry, so what we said or what the roads lead to Rome,
• 10:00
  because we give it a account for ja Premium. You' re familiar
• 10:07
  with port Haupp. I don' t know about you, but for Jupp
• 10:11
  I' m already getting enough to peel it off, that' s you
• 10:16
  good for me for a normal Haup already has the whole package, so I
• 10:20
  have a question. What pornhap Premium offers you takes away. The ads are
• 10:24
  also porn, or you haven' t ever been peeling it and suddenly José
• 10:26
  Álvaro uses the bull to invest in the financial markets, so we were good
• 10:41
  friends and gave him an Adolf Hitler a black dick. That big. Thank
• 10:46
  you very much. S I' m going to s ta u o s s new