Latest / High Five Hot Mess Podcast / What Happens When You Stop Playing It Safe and Start Saying Yes
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- High Five Hot Mess Podcast: So my friend ran away and joined the circus. She became a fire dancer, then a CPA, and then a mom. And I'm so absolutely thrilled to have my very beautiful friend, Hilary, join us today. So Hilary, when you share this story with people, what is their first reaction? Their first like, wait, what? So it's always the circus. All of the things. It's the circus. All the things that I have to share, it's always the circus. It really depends on the, you know, if I'm sharing the short version or the long version. Normally it's the short version, because I'm just meeting somebody. And my daughter has been taking classes at a circus school. She's doing aerial arts now and I love it so much. And of course, I don't really feel like it's bragging because all those things that you listed about me, I had serious imposter syndrome. for every single stage of my life except flight attendant and accountant. What was your moment to get past that imposter syndrome? You know... So not to be pedantic, but I never braved fire. I was never good at that. And I tried really hard not to do things that I wasn't great at. I did dance with fire. I did eat fire. But I never made those big poofs that are really amazing that a lot of people that I worked with did. But I just wasn't good at it. And I was scared of it. And I saw someone light their face on fire doing that once. So I stayed away from it. And thankfully, my team let me do that. ⁓ And they blew the fire for me. How did you push through to do the awesome thing, which is the fire stuff? Yeah. That came when we had big performances. We would get hired out for ⁓ these large concerts that were out in fields. Think Coachella, though I never did a Coachella. Electric Picnic in Ireland, like we did all of these. We got hired for these large concerts that took place out in fields and had multiple stages. Festivals, that's what they're called. Festivals, okay. And then. I don't know what they call it, a rave? No. That's not right. He is a good person. it. We would get hired to do those and the audience was so large that when we went out and that's when we had the biggest circus set up. So we had a stage. We had 70 people that would travel with us. We had different... shows that we would do. Oftentimes, just me and the girls that I worked with, who we collectively called ourselves Hot Totties Flaming Cabaret. We would get hired out for smaller stuff that was like corporate and local. ⁓ But these huge concerts, that's when I would hardcore get the imposter syndrome. it was like, sometimes I would keep one of those little airplane bottles of whiskey in my boot. That's how I got through. No judgment. Not recommended, especially when you're doing fire. I can't even think of that. Oh my God. Just a little nip. Okay. But a lot of the times it was just the ladies I was with, they were professionals and they were... They knew what they were doing and I was like, I'm just gonna, I'm one of them and they let me be, so I'm gonna go be one of So they kind of, they made you feel like you belong, so you felt like you belong. I did. That's really powerful statement. I used their energy and their confidence to get through it and to... I love it. Yeah. So Hillary did not tell me that she was a fire dancer or a fire eater. Instead, she's like this super smart, cute little girl running around the office that wants to be my friend and I want to be her friend. And we threw big Halloween parties. And Hillary's like, I'll come and I will dance with fire and I will eat fire. And I was like, what? So I have pictures of it and either we'll embed them here so you guys can kind of see it or we'll put them on Instagram either one. So I love that story and I love your background like all of the different things that you did and I think that you were a waitress as well and I love that out. I mean because like I had to pick top five. was a really bad waitress. We probably shouldn't talk about that. Alright, we'll talk about that. ⁓ Before I get totally down the fire-eating, circus-working rabbit hole, what I want to do is just talk about what we always do. We are getting together today from the Hi5 Hot Mess podcast. One of the things we always like to do is story swap. Hillary, how has your week been this week? It kicked me in the teeth on Monday. two people that I wanted to trust and that are important characters in my life right now. Yeah. Disappointed me in such a way that made me feel like I could not trust them. And you know that I am incredibly naive and I do not like, I don't hold. I want to fight somebody right now. Who disappointed you? What? I'm very nice person. give up way more information than I should. ⁓ These people, I helped and gave a lot of information to them. you know, maybe I shouldn't have because it was, ⁓ it doesn't help me at all. And it would help them if they chose to use it incorrectly. think it's enough for you to say that people violated your trust. Okay. And that you didn't expect it. You didn't see it coming. I think that's completely relatable. Yeah. So what are you going to do about it? How are you going to bounce back from that? Two things, which, I mean, that sounded like a bad week and honestly, In the stream of weeks I've had lately, it was kind of a bad week. And I was like, really? Right before the, right before High Five Hot Mess podcast, like, I've had so many high five weeks and this is what I get? Go on, universe. And so then I realized, like, there are two important things that I need to take away from this. One, I married a man who is incredibly skeptical to the point that It makes me crazy a lot. And I'm like, why, why are you doing that? Just believe that that person is a good person, you know? And it reminded me that there's a reason that we can make these connections with opposites in our lives. And it's because there's some things like waitressing that I'm just not good at. And when that happens, I need to have the sense to hand it over to him and make sure He takes that ball and runs with it, so I don't screw it up. And we were able to reset this week, me and my husband, so that he could take the ball and run with some of the things that ⁓ a skeptic is more inclined to be better with. And that was a ⁓ pivotal moment, you know? ⁓ And then the other thing is I realized I have not exercised for three weeks. Just spring break happened, all sorts of things happened. And I woke up one day and I was like, why am I having a bad week? Like, it's because I'm not exercising. And y'all, I am not an exercise person. I exercise for 15 minutes a day before work most days. And I feel like a boss. I nailed it with that scene. It's okay, you're gonna get back on it. I promise you. We wanted to wear things that we really love in our closet that we don't ever get to wear anywhere. So that's what this is. That's what the sequence is all about. And I keep distracting myself. You know what I'm telling Lisa, was feeling kind of bad that I went a little like low on the sequence pole with my outfit. Every time I put this shirt on, I love this shirt, but every time I put it on, I look at myself and I go, no, that's not right. And I have yet to wear it out of the house, but I've put it on a million times. So this is my opportunity to wear it out of the house. This is as out of the house as you're going to get. And I have one more surprise for you because there's new thing that I might be getting tetanus right now because I wore it, but. I had to show you and I have no intention of wearing these ever again because I'm not the tiny babies wearing glitter black tutus, earrings kind of person. They are clueless. Which is weird, Hillary. think from the late 1800s. I love that. And they're so old. These tiny little baby dolls look like They're melting a little bit. But they're so cool. They're wearing a black skirt with gold glitter flecks all over it. They have black hair and they just look as creepy as you can imagine a baby doll from the late 1800s look. And these were my great, great, great, great grandmothers. Wow. Yeah. That's amazing. Maybe they're haunted. Maybe she's still with you. Maybe. I was going to put them in a shadow box on the wall. And then I was like, first, let me wear them to the pod. First I'm going to wear them for the pod because I love them. And for my friend who loves dark and spooky things. Yes. I thought you, you might wear these if you wore earrings. don't. But I would also keep them somewhere safe because chairs though, those are amazing. These are getting put on the wall in a nice framed shadow I love it. How is your week? So I have this spin instructor that I'm pretty sure is psychic, right? Because at the start of every class, he always says something really profound, like to help us set our intention, but it's always weirdly relevant to just me, right? And I was like, okay, well, maybe he's psychic. And I love him to death. I absolutely love him. And then this week he says, when you found your calling and you were doing your calling, the universe will provide. Which again, that's very specific. It is the message you needed this week too. Very, very personal, right? Like, like, is he like in my life? You read my group chat where I'm like, so I'm, I'm sitting there in the dark spinning as he says this and I'm looking around the room and people are like, yeah. And I'm like, all of these people know what their calling is. Like, I don't know what my calling is. Like I thought that I, don't honestly. think I've ever known what my what I was called to do, right? So is there all kind of out there just living their best life? I'm having an existential crisis. What is my calling? am I supposed to Right? And then I'm like, it's okay, though, because I'm, I know that right now I'm currently like in my most uncomfortable space. Like, I don't, I'm getting all these signs from the universe. I don't know what they mean. And they keep happening over and over. It's very strange. So I know that someone somewhere is trying to tell me something, but I'm not getting it. So I just feel like when nothing is clear and everything and I don't know what to do, the best thing to do is to wait. Just wait. I hate waiting. I'm the most impatient person in the entire world, but I don't know how long I'm supposed to just sit in this, right? Like in this like, will they, won't they, will I, won't I? Like in this weird, weird place that I'm in. So are you really waiting now? Because I feel like you're doing. I see you doing a lot and growing a lot. And while it may not feel like you have met your life's purpose yet, there's so much activity happening. Yeah. You had a lot of wins this week, yeah? I did have a lot of wins. And we're going to talk about that in our bonus episode because it's very specific wins. And I don't want to take us down that rabbit hole, but I will say that I think the theme of the episode is when you think you're not on the right track, you might be, right? vice versa. So I have a story for you. Okay, land on me. And I think maybe it fits for this section of your life. Okay. So I was a hairdresser. I was a little baby hairdresser working in the south of Atlanta. And I was still in training and I worked at this hair salon with all of these amazing hairdressers that were teaching me what they knew. And I was an apprentice and I was also in college and I was for art. And so I wasn't really sure what I was doing. was glad I had a job and I had a scholarship that was putting me through college at the time. ⁓ I really wasn't sure what I was doing. And I idolized all these women and a few men that I worked with at the hair salon. And I was in this place where I was like not anywhere. Like I was not yet a hairdresser. I was not yet a artist. I was just, it was a transition point, it was uncomfortable. And I was really poor and I had this little red truck and I drove it. I was like, you know what, I'm going to go to hair school. It takes four years to become a hairdresser as an apprentice. And I was like two years into it. ⁓ But it takes like nine months to become a hairdresser if you just go to hair school. But again, I was very poor. So I didn't have the money to just go to hair school, but I did have the money to do that job that was gonna one day make me a hairdresser. So I'm driving from the south of Atlanta to a school on the north side of Atlanta. So I can check out this school and figure out if I like, how am gonna get the money? How am I gonna do this? How am I gonna become a hairdresser like immediately. And my truck breaks down halfway through. I luckily because I was so poor, and my brother-in-law was so very helpful mechanically, he had taught me a few things about my truck and how to fix it myself. So I pull into this gas station because I knew it was gonna break down. And I like, I like coasted into the gas station just as it was on its last leg. And I pull into this gas station and I buy the biggest bottle of water that they had, which was just this gigantic bottle of Evian. And I pop my hood and my truck was overheating. Something was wrong with the radiator. So I start pouring this cold Evian into the radiator. And I go back in. And I fill my Evian bottle up from the soda fountain and I'm pouring. I'm just going back and forth, filling up this water bottle, walking outside, pouring this into my little red truck. And this cab driver pulls up and he's like, do you need a ride? And I was like, no, I got this under control. Do you not see? I'm feeding my truck Evian. And he's like, pour. but I still had money to buy a ball of Evian. I don't have money for it. I don't have mechanic money, but I got Evian money. So he's like, OK, may I keep you company while you do this? just make sure he didn't actually say those words, but. Sure, I got it. And just make sure that you don't need a ride, because it kind of looks like you need a ride. So he hangs out with me and it takes like an hour for me to get to a place where I can drive my truck again, but I could not drive it to the hair school at this point. I had to go back home and get my brother at Los Alba to, you know, get the truck to a better place. in the meantime, I make friends with his cab driver and he's like, here's my number. If you need to... Like, if you don't make it home, call me and I'll come get you. Like, okay, thank you. And he's like, also, if you want to go on a date sometime, call me. And I was like, okay. Well, days later, I was like, I do want to see the cab driver again. So you left out of the story. Your cab driver was handsome. He was handsome. Okay. That changes the whole body. He was no like me. Not quite as young as me. Yeah, this is a really good point. Such a good point because also I went back to the hair salon and I'm telling all the ladies at the hair salon this story and they are all clutching their pearls because they're like, you left off the part where he's handsome and young and like anything that might be appealing about this. Okay, continue with the hot cab driver. So I call hot cab driver and I'm nervous because he was wearing sunglasses the entire time we were talking and he never took them off. It was the middle of summer in Atlanta. Like that's an appropriate thing to be doing. However, I have not seen his eyes. You could tell a lot about a person from their eyes, but turns out he had eyes. Nothing was wrong with them. they were lovely. We dated for three months and he introduced me to the people that turned me into a circus performer. And if not for him, that arc of my life would never have happened. I mean, I think it takes a lot of courage, Hillary, to like say, maybe that's not my plan. Let me try something else. And that is the crux of what makes you awesome, where so many other people are like rigidly stuck in this plan that they somehow got themselves into or were put in there. lack the courage to break free and try something else or try something different. So I think until I can really understand the story of the universe or until I get a sign as clear as you did and I'm brave enough to take it, ⁓ I'm just gonna lose myself in pop culture like I've done this week. I was kind of like chuckling to myself when I was thinking about it. So I have... this obsession with this band called Of Sulphur, which is a metal band. So you know I love the metal. I got into my car one time. It's just like, I did not see this at all. No? I love screaming metal. much, so much. And I'm also watching The Broken Wood Mysteries, which is like cozy comfort murder. So I'm kind of like living in this place right now where it's like, metal murder. I love it. Like, I sit on a couch under my hated blanket and watch broken wood mysteries. And then when I'm in my car, I'm listening to of sulfur screaming at the top of my lungs. I mean, like, I just never thought I would be at this place, right? But I love pop culture distractions, especially when they surprise me. Like, I did not know that I was gonna love this of sulfur. album as much as I did. And now I cannot get enough of it. I'm obsessed. Tell me something where you love your pop culture distraction that maybe surprised you. It's LÜT. The show LÜT. LÜT! I love LÜT! Not just LÜT though. So I finished all the seasons of LÜT and I'm anxiously awaiting them to release a new one, which I don't know if they're going to do, but I certainly hope they will. And in the meantime, I have just been, when it's just me by myself because it's not appropriate for children, I listen to the soundtrack from Lute. You listen to the Lute soundtrack. Yeah. I have been getting into rap like never before. Like I, I'm, usually listen to country music and- Yes you do. And Taylor Swift. And Taylor Swift. that in common. And I just have been, ⁓ really hitting it hard with the rap lately. And the other day, I think I might have had the windows down and did cause a fella and his son to clutch their pearls as they were trying to get into their car. You know what? Sometimes you got to drop some f-bombs in the car with your music and... too. It has been so helpful. let me ask you a question. So it's high five time. Now I know that you had a challenging week, but did you have any high five moments from this week? I am taking an aerial arts class also at the circus school and Monday was my first day taking it. And that is also the same day that my daughter does her class. So my daughter does hers. and then I do mine. ⁓ Wait, What is an aerial arts class? ⁓ okay. So there's a lot of different like aerial apparatuses you can do circus arts on. Silks is maybe the one that people think of most, which is just like two long ribbons of fabric that people wind themselves up and do these beautiful performances with. And then there's Lyra, which is a hoop. And you do beautiful performances up in the air on this hoop. And it takes a lot of strength. And that's what my daughter does. She's a big fan of Lyra. I- She's amazing at it. She is amazing at it. She's so strong. So I signed up for something called Loop Straps, which I had not heard of before. So I had to look it up, but it was the only class that started the only adult class that started before 7 PM. And, know, I go to bed early. So I go to bed early. 7 PM? I know. It's so hard. So, so I signed up for Loop Straps because it started at 530. Okay. And this week, my high five was that no one else, none of the other students showed up for the Loop Straps class. And my instructor was like, Hey, if your daughter wants to stay and do it with you, she can. And we got to do it together. And that girl was so good at it. My sweet daughter was, she was so good at it. She was so strong. And I was not at all. I was struggling and she, after class, she was like, mom, it was so easy and And I was like, I had a really hard time. Did it look like I was having a hard time? She's like, yeah. Yeah, that looked like it was hard for you, but it was really easy for me. You're like, wait, am I with Lisa? You know what though? I tried. I did it and I'm going to go back again next week and do it again. And girl, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you and I'm so jealous. I think that that is amazing. How about you? What was your high five this week? ⁓ get unblushing a little bit because my high five this week was the complete opposite of yours. So I have special treats that I like to eat that bring me so much joy. So the company is called Skinny Dipped and it's a mom and daughter that started it. It's all low sugar, but it doesn't taste low sugar. So it's a mom, a daughter and her daughter's best friends all started this company. It's called skinny dipped. You can get it on Amazon. You can get it at Whole Foods. You can get it, you know, at regular Kroger's. They have it there as well. But you have to get the skinny dipped peanut butter cups because they are legit next level. But my high five this week was that they came out for Easter. think they came out with a coconut cluster. Oh, and it is ridiculous. So. I love coconut and chocolate. I love coconut and chocolate too. And it was, it's so, so good. And I'm just going to highlight that Hillary's high five was hanging in the air and doing this new aerobatics class and mine was shotgunning peanut butter cups. Wait a second. I have a question. Yeah. Do the coconut clusters have peanut butter in them? They have peanuts in them. Peanut. But you don't just have the coconut cluster, you also have to eat it with a peanut butter cup. That sounds amazing. And if you are under a heated blanket decompressing, well, it was a very crazy day. From what was maybe your loop straps class that you're covered in bruises from now. Correct. Correct. in this other mother daughter trio. Duo, not a trio, a duo. way, like, okay, listen, maybe I could join next time and it will be a trio. And I will, if I come, I will make you look that much better. Cause I will go all in to make you look great and running your kid. with all things athletic, I'm sure you would show me up left and right. Lisa, Samantha and I have a board that we keep that tracks all the things that make us happy. Like you make your own happiness. ⁓ we had. We had happiness coach Lisa Ryan on one of our earlier episodes and she really kind of emphasized that it's all sorts of different ways that you can make yourself happy and it doesn't have to cost any money. It can be free. It can be a compliment. It could be doing something that just makes that one person you care about feel special and appreciated. Like this week I told Doug 800 times how grateful I am for him because he has like like there is not anybody more committed to liking our YouTube posts than my husband. Like he's like, one just came out. I'm like, I know I scheduled that. But he's so sweet. And he's really, really trying. So I mean, whether it's just liking someone's YouTube post, you guys, it doesn't have to cost money, but you really have to make your own happiness and, keep track of it, put it on a board, put it at your house, whatever you want to do. But one of the things that we're really the underlying theme is happiness. How do you make your own happiness? Right? And Lisa and I got asked a question that really kind of shifted our whole universe and the way that we look and think about everything that we do. So I'm going to ask you the question. Are you ready? Maybe let's find out. So all of a sudden a genie shows up in front of you and says, you can have whatever you want. What would you wish for? This is going to be one of those wishes that turns into a nightmare, I'm sure. But the thing I would wish for is that. In my neighborhood now, everyone I loved moved into it because all of my friends and family are spread out across the United States and I just long for them to be close to me a lot. And I'm making great friends here and I love it here where I live now, but I wish that they were all near me. Maybe not all the time. Like maybe some people would just have a vacation house in this subdivision. Everybody I don't know moves out because, The genie also gave me loot money and I them all to move out and then moved in all of my friends and family. So I guess that is the base then of my genie wish to be geographically closer to my friends and family, which means I need to move myself on an airplane there. know, we all do our best, right? Okay, so we're coming to the point where we're kind of at towards the end of this episode before we go into our bonus episode. But for our listener homework, I want you guys to answer for us, when the last time you had to be brave, even if you really didn't want to. That's your listener homework, put it in the DMs, I'm pointing down, I don't know. And I read them, you guys like it's my full-time job. So please make sure you... DM us the listener homework. If you are watching us on YouTube, please hit subscribe so you don't miss the next one. If you are listening to us on Apple, please make sure that you send it to a friend who may need this. That's how our little show grows. Share, share, share. And then to wrap it all up, hydrate, unclench your jaw, roll your shoulders back, and high five someone. You guys, thank you so, so much, and we'll see everybody next week.