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Why Narcissist can bring up the past but you can't · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  So why are narcissists consistently breaking up the
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  past but you can't do it right? That's what we talk about today
• 0:08
  y'all? Why narcissistic people?
• 0:10
  Toxic people like to consistently and constantly
• 0:14
  bring up the past but won't allow you to do the same thing.
• 0:18
  Of course, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:23
  the Narcissist Go y'all, which we which will be transitioning
• 0:26
  to the mental health podcast here pretty soon because the
• 0:28
  interviews are on the way. Y'all, The interviews are on the
• 0:31
  way. You're going to apply to be on
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  the podcast. The link is in the description
• 0:36
  of every video that I do. But yes, let's hop right into
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  it, y'all. The past is a tool that
• 0:42
  narcissists use to build a like a House of protection, right?
• 0:48
  A a House of worship and whatnot.
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  Why do they keep bringing up the past so much?
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  Simply put, because it works. Because it's useful.
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  Bringing up the past is absolutely a useful tool for
• 1:04
  narcissistic people. It Yeah, it really just it, it
• 1:08
  can be as simple as that right there sometimes that the past, I
• 1:12
  can always use it. And This is why I tell people
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  like when you're getting to know somebody, fill them out.
• 1:19
  Don't just go trauma dumping on them.
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  Don't just be sharing your deep emotional past with this person.
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  Don't share your deepest darkest secrets with this person.
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  Like build up to that. Make them earn your information.
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  Earn it like your if y'all make them earn it because they will
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  absolutely bring up the past against you, even the past.
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  They had nothing to do with them.
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  Yes, narcissist will bring up the past that y'all have created
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  together, right? Y'all could have been together
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  for 10 years and they can bring up something for year one and
• 1:54
  use it against you. But not only will they do that,
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  they will also bring up the stuff that happened before y'all
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  were even together because it were.
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  If y'all be, it does work, Bring it up.
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  The past absolutely works for narcissist.
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  It is not. It's a tool, it's a weapon.
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  It absolutely is and I think a lot of y'all would just
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  understand how this works with manipulative, abusive, toxic,
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  lying, narcissistic bastards. They will absolutely bring it up
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  because it works. Like if I'm losing an argument
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  or your narcissistic partner or parent, whoever they are, right,
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  is losing an argument to you and I have nothing else, I'm losing
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  an argument because you have all the facts.
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  The facts are not on my side, right?
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  The fiction is fiction and storytelling is on my side,
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  right? But the facts are not serving me
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  here. So guess what I do?
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  I go into my little Rolodex of the past seven years ago.
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  Yeah, yeah, blow it off 'cause it's dusty.
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  I gotcha, ass. Remember what you did?
• 3:03
  You didn't take you. Let me take you back to a little
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  year I like to call 2018. You remember that year?
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  What about what you did to me that year?
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  Yeah, I'm cheating on you right now.
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  Yeah, you bust. You might have busted me
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  cheating. But remember in 2018, when we
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  were trying to build this relationship, we were just fresh
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  together and you didn't respond to me within a timely manner?
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  Y'all see how stupid that sounds?
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  They cheated on you, but you didn't respond to them in a
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  timely manner. In 2018, when you're first
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  getting to know each other and somehow that's equal.
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  We both made mistakes. It's wrong.
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  I know I did you wrong, but what about what you did?
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  That's a common theme that a lot of narcissistic people will use.
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  The past works. It serves.
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  Yeah, the past for a narcissist. And then using it against you
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  does absolutely serve a purpose. It really, really does.
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  It serves serves a unique purpose.
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  It serves a great purpose for them because they know they
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  understand that they keep they get to keep doing this type of
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  stuff. They know they understand that
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  they can use this against you. They know they understand of how
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  and what that they can put you through.
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  This is the mindset of a lot of narcissistic abusive people.
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  So they love using the past like anything, you know, anything is
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  like nothing is off limits. Anything is on the table.
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  When they are angry with you or they want to hurt your feelings
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  or they want to, they're trying to get away from accountable or
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  they're trying to blame you for something.
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  Anything is on the table. They will bring up your
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  childhood trauma which they were not around for.
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  They will bring up something that happened to you, you
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  something your ex did to you which they were not around for
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  and tell you that you deserved it.
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  Remember when you remember since well since we talked about this,
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  since we, since we on the topic remember when your ex blacked
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  your eye. You remember that because I
• 5:02
  remember that you told me about it.
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  I wasn't there, but you deserve to get your eye black.
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  The way you talking to me. I see why they punch you in your
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  eye. I see why they swole you up.
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  Because look how you are. Look how evil you are.
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  You see how you act, you see how you treat me.
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  You see what you do to me. You see how you behave.
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  You see how you you see what you put me through.
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  That's what they'll do to you. Y'all know it's ridiculous but
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  that's literally what they would say to you.
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  They it doesn't matter what it was, if they were there for it,
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  they still think it's relevant to use against you.
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  They still think it's OK to bring this type of stuff up
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  because it serves them right now.
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  They think that the past is the past that matters right now when
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  it absolutely doesn't now. So can the past be?
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  Can the using the past make sense sometimes?
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  Yeah, let's be real. But I had to correct myself
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  right there. But most times it doesn't in the
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  context of dealing with a narcissistic person, because
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  when they're using a past against you, it's typically on a
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  topic that has nothing to do with what's going on right now.
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  It just doesn't y'all. But on the flip side of things I
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  know y'all want to talk about like, well, Lee, they Lee, they
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  always break my partner, my ex, my husband, wife, whatever.
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  They are always bringing up the past and using it against me.
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  They use my my body count, they use my height, my weight,
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  whatever. They always things that I don't,
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  things that I'm ashamed of that I shared with them.
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  They always use this against me like, but when I try to break up
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  something from their past, they lose they damn minds.
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  Why is that, Lee? Because Simply put, the double
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  standards do exist in these relationships, child.
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  The double standards absolutely do exist in these relationships.
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  They absolutely do. You don't get to do what I get
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  to do. And that can be, Simply put, you
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  don't. We are not on the same level.
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  We are not equal here. You don't get to say or do or
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  talk about the things that I have done.
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  That's not how it works here. Like no, I bring up the past
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  because it's relevant. You bring up the past because
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  you're just you, you because you're stuck in the past because
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  you don't know how to grow up, because you you don't know how
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  to let things go. And the same thing applies to
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  them. It doesn't make sense to you,
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  but to that narcissistic person, them use them, bringing up the
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  past absolutely makes sense to them.
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  You know it really does and their and their justification
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  for it because yours is stupid and mine is not best could be as
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  simple as Simply put, I can do it because I'm me.
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  You can't do it because you're you.
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  We are not equal. We are not the same.
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  Well, we, we, we don't represent the same thing.
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  No, you don't get to use the past against me because I
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  because I said so, because you just don't.
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  And now guess what happens? Y'all guess what happens when
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  you try to bring up the past with a narcissist or something
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  that they've done in the past? Guess what happens if you're
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  arguing about something and if you bring up something that they
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  have done in the past, they will throw off the entire argument to
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  focus on why you brought something up from the past.
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  So sometimes when you try to bring up the past against a
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  narcissist, they use this. They use it as an opportunity,
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  not for growth, an opportunity to just do keep doing things to
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  you. They use it as an opportunity to
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  mess with you, to throw you off the topic, to throw you off
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  track. You know, I talked to a a woman
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  yesterday on my 10 ones my zoom calls and she brought up the
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  turn. She brought up a video I did a
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  long time ago called about Gish gallop.
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  Well, how narcissist will start a bunch of small arguments
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  within one to throw you all off to confuse you because so now
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  you don't even know what the beginning argument was about.
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  You bring up something that they've done.
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  Were you yelled at me? Remember you yelled at me last
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  week? Wow, you going to bring that up?
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  Wow, how dirty? How low down and dirty are you?
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  Wow, you can't let go of stuff. Look how you been doing like I
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  made a mistake. You still using it against me.
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  We know you going to grow up. You see, the fact that you
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  haven't grown up is really an indication of how you were
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  raised by your parents. That's why your daddy wasn't
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  there. That's why your Mama beat your
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  ass. That's why your sister hated
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  you. That's why your brother hated
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  you. Let's talk about that, right?
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  That's about the fact that your brother hates you.
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  He doesn't talk to you. So we now we went from you yell
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  them them yelling at you all the way to them now bringing up your
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  the fact that your brother hasn't spoken to you.
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  How we get here? How did we get here?
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  This starting small fires. It's called Gish gallop.
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  This is a technique that a lot of bad faith actors will use,
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  like people who are not coming to you in good faith, people who
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  politicians you politicians use this argument tech technique all
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  the time called Gish gallop. GISH gallop like a horse, you
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  know. But they would do this type of
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  stuff. They use you bringing up the
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  past as an opportunity to belittle you and hurt your
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  feelings even more and also an opportunity to start several
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  other arguments within this one. So now you don't even know what
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  the hell the first argument was about.
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  Like you like what the hell we talk about in the 1st place?
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  I forgot now, right? I forgot what we talked about.
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  Now I'm not clear on how dizzy we even got here.
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  I don't even know what happened. Rabble rabble rabble blah blah
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  blah Boo Boo Boo BBB. You see I I'm just telling you,
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  y'all see how it goes right there in these spaces.
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  Like they love breaking up the past because they can use it or
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  they hate when you break it up because it makes them feel
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  shame. The core of it y'all.
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  They hate when you bring it up because it makes them feel
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  ashamed. Even if you're you bring out the
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  past is truth is true and it's applicable to this situation
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  right now. They will try to throw you off
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  the topic because this is how the mind of a lot of narcissists
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  work. They don't want to be held
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  accountable. They just hate the fact that
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  accountability, even the word accountability even exists.
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  So it's just how we go y'all. Anyway, y'all, they have a rob
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  me for the end. Really, truly appreciate every
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  single one of y'all. Thank y'all for making it to 500
• 10:59
  K. That means we're halfway to the
• 11:01
  million, halfway to the Millie. Let's get to 1,000,000 by the
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  end. Well, where we at?
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  October, November, December, 3 months.
• 11:09
  Let's get to 1,000,000 in three months.
• 11:11
  Maybe a record, would that be? No, maybe not a record.
• 11:13
  Maybe crazy though. I appreciate y'all.
• 11:15
  You haven't subscribed. Why not hit the subscribe
• 11:18
  button? Bye, bye, peace.