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WHY GOOD PEOPLE STAY IN BAD RELATIONSHIPS · Erotic Spirit Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Shifting that perspective of knowing energy, knowing that I am creating my reality, I am attracting to me what's here.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: So using my external reality as this palette, as this mirror to my internal reality.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: So if I don't like something here, it's what inside me is creating this snarl that I'm not enjoying.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: And do I do I want to change it?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: The answer may not be yes.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: But all of a sudden, looking at things from that perspective, no one is a victim anymore.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's a way to change and shifting that internal aspect of energy, especially when we feel trapped in life.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: It changes things.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: This podcast discusses sensitive and sexual topics that may be triggering.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: Please understand we are not therapists.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: We are simply sharing from our own journey and experience.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Erotic Spirit, where soul, sexuality, and real life meet.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_02: My name is Angela Shelby.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm Jenna Lee.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: And today we are talking about why good people stay in bad relationships.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: And if you stick around, you'll see what's on the other side of those relationships, how you get to be and show up in the world after.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: With this, when when this title first came through, because you and I, we our process is we sit down with spirit and we go, okay, what are we gonna share?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: And we get divine inspiration and information.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: And the title that came through is why do good people stand bad relationships?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: And the first thing that hit me was that's very judgmental and definitive.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: That was actually the point.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: The information that came through next was stopping looking at relationships as good or bad, yeah, and looking at them as opportunities for self-individuation and growth.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, again, spicy on this one.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we are getting spicy on this one.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: Because the first thing that comes to mind for me is people who are in abusive relationships, like really abusive, like being beaten, being threatened, yeah, um, being victimized.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that as we sat there and with this information, what came through was stop looking at these situations as abuser and victim.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: And start looking at them as opportunities to change and grow and decide who we want to be in that moment.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I see it as if we always look at it as victim and abuser, I believe from my experience, is that then I can't get to actually see what I am learning and growing from it because I'm so focused on that one piece and the oh, why me and poor me, instead of I actually learned a lot, you know, and and so I have my my space where I had a relationship and I remember the biggest thing was the biggest gear that clicked in was finally when I when I forgave myself, meaning that I had stayed in the relationship too long.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_03: It was there was a lot of things going on, a lot of um verbalized abuse and all these other things.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_03: And so I recognized afterwards and during it as well.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_03: That's how I eventually moved out, but I recognized eventually at one point I sat and I said, I never had a healthy male figure relationship in my existence of living.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: So to show me.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: So how can I know?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_03: I'm perpetuating a cycle of this is what I know, and I'm validating that belief of whatever it is.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe if I'm not feeling worthy, right?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_03: I'm validating it by staying in it and proving it through that experience.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_03: And then my subconscious is like, and my body's like, oh yeah, that's right, that's just true, and I'm this is all I know.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_03: So when I stepped into forgiveness and I finally saw that, I said, wow, okay, this is finally able to shift, and I'm able to see it from not a oh, I should have gotten out of it years ago.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: I gave myself compassion, you know?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I learned so much.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_03: I I re I remember learning these are the things that I don't prefer and that are not in alignment with me and my heart.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah, I wouldn't have known it any other way, but the gears wouldn't have clicked in if I didn't actually pause through that space, allow forgiveness to self.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: I love how you just said that you went from how could I let this happen?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not, you know, I must not be worthy, or you know, I feel stupid, da-da-da-da-da.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: Just simply going from that to I had this experience, I didn't like it.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: This is what I didn't like about it, this is what I would like to change.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: And simply that was it.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_02: It's in that moment, you get like even just talking about it that way, I can feel the energy shift.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's taking your power back.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's yeah, it's you simply uh looking at it as an experience and taking your self-condemnation and judgment out of it.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: Going, is this really what I want?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, it's not.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm gonna shift gears and do something different.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: And compassion and kindness is a way to I have seen a very successful piece for my own for things to finally click in.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_03: When I show compassion and kindness to myself, so in the moment where I was like, I didn't know any other way, right?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: So how could I know?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: And when I drop into these self, these self-realizations and show myself that compassion, my body softens.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_03: It literally is just like I could breathe.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: And that for me feels like I step out of survival and I finally recognize that okay, I can see everything is so clear.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_03: It goes from perception of pain and filters, which is where I was, to truth of love and compassion.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I can actually see the direction I want to go in instead of like I know I want to go there, but I could feel that innately in my body move through because I'm not trying to survive it anymore.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just allowing and being, yeah, yeah.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: I have had many clients come to me and they, you know, we're in a relationship for 10 years, they their marriage didn't work out, and they say, I can't believe I wasted 10 years of my life.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: I can't believe all that time is gone.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, those were some of my best years.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: And every time spirit comes through with this like avalanche of a message, and it is that love is never wasted, ever.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: And literally the words that came through are it echoes throughout eternity.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_02: You cannot make a mistake in loving yourself or someone else.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's not possible whether they valued it or not, it does, you know, no matter how they treated you, love is never wasted.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: And the caveat with that that came through was it's just that it is important to love ourselves as much as we love everybody else.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: We have to give ourselves what we are willing to give other people.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_05: Absolutely.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_02: So in those moments, people who feel victimized, it's them not allowing themselves to be loved and not giving themselves the love that they are willing to pile on everybody else.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: I think a lot of the time, from my experience, victims are harder on themselves than anybody else.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: And it it just allows life to beat the crap out of them.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: And like you said, there are so many other factors.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: Like you said, sometimes it's what you know.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: Other times it is being unwilling to see themselves differently and being unwilling to change.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: Uh again, this is just my experience, and I am not putting down victims in any way.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_02: And if you feel like you are a victim, especially of abuse, it is important that you get help and reach out and get help.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: But when I have clients come to me that are in that victim mindset, the information that comes through for them is helping them see stop seeing themselves as a victim.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: That is when we're in that victim mindset, it takes all our power away.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: And nothing, nothing disempowers someone else more than pity.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: When you pity somebody, you are automatically looking at them, and the message coming through is you're right, you do not have any power, and I feel so bad for you.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: That is a horrible thing to do to another human being.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_02: But if you can look at someone and say, I can tell you're having a really hard experience, but you're powerful and you can make new choices.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_03: Having that mindset.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: And every new moment is an opportunity.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_03: So yesterday, how I was thinking, if I was putting myself in that victim mentality, that's okay.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, how I'm thinking right now, I get to create from this moment and I get to see that something else could look different.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_03: It could look different, it could be different, and uh, and I get to choose, right?
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_03: And that's the power that then, you know, you were talking about right, disempowering versus power.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_03: It's like I get to choose how I'm gonna show up, even though I experience this, because we all have had different things in our life that we have all experienced.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_03: And it is being able to understand and move, move, and see the pain.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_03: But when we sit in the pain and sit in the pain and sit in the pain, and we're not actually moving the needle, there's something else there.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_03: Where is our power?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_03: Where is it?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: So that that choice point and how we start to see ourselves differently, it helps move through from my experience, right?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_03: Talking about for me and what's I what I've seen work with some clients do is like that choice point is all the opportunity, all the possibilities.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, right.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_03: So so, and then we have what else?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_03: We have what else do people stay in these spaces?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: I like how you were bringing up the choice point.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: So some people phrase it, you know, you'll change when you're ready.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: When you've had enough, you will you will change until then you just haven't had enough.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: And that I think is one of the reasons.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: I know it's one of the reasons I stayed in my marriage when I did.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: Before I found out my husband was going for underage girls, um, I knew he had been unfaithful to me.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I was unwilling to change in that moment.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: I stayed with him and I was like, I am not willing to change what I am doing right now.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna see this through, I'm gonna try and work this out, but I cannot change in this moment.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I used to really feel bad and get judgmental about it with myself until I had another friend who talked to me about her experience.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: She had come from one marriage that had been bad, abusive, bad.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_02: And she left him.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_02: And the second time wasn't abusive, but the fire had gone out of their relationship and it was like they were roommates, and he wasn't being very good to her anymore.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: And she was such a strong, powerful, independent woman.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: I looked at her one day and I said, Why are you still there?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why are you still doing this?
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: And she said, Because it's not time for me to leave yet.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: She goes, I am not ready to go.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_02: I need to know I have experienced everything I need to experience here and done everything I can for myself in this relationship before I can leave.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: And she goes, It was like that with my first marriage.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: It didn't matter how violent he got.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: He she just went, I wasn't ready to leave.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: And then one day I was.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: It's a very uh powerful place to be, to understand that we always have a choice and very to be very compassionate with ourselves when we understand that we are there by choice and we're just not willing to change yet.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like it or just can't change yet.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's just not just not there.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_03: The word change, we we keep saying that.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_03: And I believe there are stories and voices and experiences that we go through that shows that change can seem chaotic or bad.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_03: I've I've worked with even with myself or with others where change equaled chaos.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_03: Even if it was down to when you're younger and a divorce, and all of a sudden, before you know it, all the people in your life are are in different, you're living in different areas, different zip codes, different friends, and something as what may seem tiny like that is actually very impactful because you're a growing young kid, and then you start to learn that change is actually doesn't feel good.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_03: So when I look at where I'm at today, and when I say, Oh, okay, what is it that I'm if I'm not okay with changing something, but I I know I want to, but I feel like I'm in a in-between, I start to move through those spaces and times where change felt uncomfortable, chaotic, or or you know, abusive or whatever it was.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_03: And being able to just drop into like, okay, my body, I'm here now, and what feels good, right?
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't feel good.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_03: So navigating change can be interesting and important, just as important, just as important, just as important, yeah.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: Our relationship with change.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: I like that, and how we navigate it and how we were taught to navigate it.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, something else that I know came through when we were working on this, that it's a total change, but staying because something is really good in the relationship that feels like it offsets the rest.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: The rest.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_02: One of those things that came up was the sex is really good.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: The sex is really fucking good.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: Why?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: The rest of the relationship might be crap, but the sex is really good, or the finances are really good, or you know, X, Y, Z, whatever it is, that fe they feel balances out the hardships of the relationship.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_03: So for like a non-sexual piece, like if it's something financial and it's like, oh, this is safety and security.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_03: If this is, I get to ground into safety and security.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_03: So there's right, we start to look at the pieces of it.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: If it is maybe if it's sex or whatever it could be, it just feels like there is a deeper layer of avoidance through all of it.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_03: When you look at it as the avoidance of getting into the depth of the pain of why I'm still saying, so if the sex is so good, and that's great, but the rest of it is wow, shitty, or just like not in alignment.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_03: Doesn't need to be shitty, but it is like, I know, I just know this is not my person, but I keep staying here.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_03: There is something within me, and I know I've been there.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_03: There's something within me that is so deep that I am avoiding through this experience that I got to keep replaying this one good thing, and I'm avoiding this one part of me that is hiding behind it all.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_03: It's just hiding.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_02: So using so using relationship or the drama of that kind of relationship that's not an alignment, that is just not good drama.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_02: Using it to avoid yourself is what you're saying.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: Avoid yourself or aspects of your life.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_02: Because you're you can't, because you're putting all your energy into that.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_03: Is that what you're saying?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like the focus is on, oh my gosh, this this sex is so good, let's just say.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm gonna stay because of that.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_03: But I know this is not my person, and there's a deeper underlying peace within me.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_03: Like, if I know that I'm not in alignment with someone, I'm avoiding some depth of like seeing my truth.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_03: And why am I avoiding seeing my truth?
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: Am I avoiding seeing my truth because I'm I'm avoiding being seen?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: And what is all of that beneath that?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like going even deeper because it is not only just about being seen, it's about why I feel afraid to see myself.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_03: Where is that coming from?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_03: What belief system is telling me that I'm not worthy of all of these things to be in balance in my life exactly how I want it to be?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what is the non-acceptance of self that I am allowing myself to stay in this, to ruminate in this, and uh it's of there's some avoidance going on.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: There's something that I'm avoiding and actually seeing within me by just staying in all that drama or non-drama, but like just staying in it.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: That makes that actually makes sense on a lot of levels.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: This podcast is sponsored by My Awakening Within.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: If you're looking for some sort of practice to drop into your pleasure, to reconnect to your body, to start to build and cultivate safety from within.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: Join me on this online self-guided journey where you will start to learn breathwork techniques, emotional release practices, and start to build this foundation of safety and security from a place of presence.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_03: So join me online, myawakeningwithin.com or linked in the show notes.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: I have seen that in clients, and I have seen that in myself.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_02: But now you got me thinking, I want to look at other things within myself, especially looking back at past relationships.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_02: Through that lens.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: What am I avoiding?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: What do I think I deserve?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: That I am in this relationship.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: And it may not even be right, like may not even be something that's abusive.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_03: It is just like there is something that is, I know that this is not in alignment, but hey, I came into this.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_03: Uh what I believe, my perspective is that I that we go into all kinds of relationships and connections at a similar psychological wound.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_03: There's something attracting us to each other.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_03: And not just psychological wound, there's agreements, all the beautiful stuff.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: But if we're just looking at that, we're saying, okay, maybe I was I called in this partner because there's an aspect of me that I was not ready to be seen, and neither were they.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_03: And now as we're evolving in relationships together, um, I'm doing the work, they're doing the work, right?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_03: We're coming together.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe we're not, but maybe it's just one one way.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I've had that before where I've did a lot of work to see myself, to see myself.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: And then all of a sudden, before I know it, I fully let everything go and out in the open to just fully be like, this is fucking me.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_03: And if if I felt like there was any resistance or anything, I was like, okay, you know what?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_03: It it did, it did serve its purpose, like we talked about before.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_03: I really stepped up to my plate.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_03: I did my work together, and now I get to actually I feel like it's a like a big Win, I finally see.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_03: I finally see myself, and I'm gonna see myself throughout this now outside of a partnership.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so yeah, I love how you brought that up.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_02: Uh seeing yourself, yeah.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_02: It it allowed you to see yourself, and using your childhood hurts to attract partners because attracting those partners, it's it's almost like that wounded child inside of ourselves is looking for a way to heal it.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: And that parent is not available anymore or is not conducive to that.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: So we find someone just like them because it's that we are going to figure it out.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_02: Whether we realize we're doing it or not, it's an unconscious thing.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_02: But you know how many people they say, Oh God, I married my mom.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: Or oh, I married my dad.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_02: How did I get here?
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't see it coming.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's that inner child picking that partner so that you can work out your childhood cracks.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_03: All the time.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like you said, whether it's conscious or not.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_03: Most time it's not conscious, right?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_03: When we go into it, a lot of times it's not.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, this time it will be different.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_03: And you don't say those things, you don't say that in your head.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_03: You're not like, this time it will be different, and you will listen to me and see me and love me and hold me and all these things that were not done.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_03: But then before you know it, because you've you've acted you've in ways where you haven't had boundaries, or you've created, right?
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um, the creator of me, my reality created that same space, and now they're not showing up in all these ways, and it's just validating that those belief systems, and it and it can be a cycle until you finally say, Oh, okay, I'm not getting what I want, or I've evolved and I grow and I see.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, it is uh it is an opportunity, yeah.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_02: It's an opportunity.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's what channeled in hardest when we were working on this episode.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: It was that stopping to look at things instead of stopping, stop looking at things like we are being victimized or taken advantage of.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's this is an experience.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_02: What kind of experience do I want to have?
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: Am I am I enjoying this experience?
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_02: Is this what I want?
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: Strangely enough, I've I've had this moment where I was like, I don't want to change.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: This is what I want right now.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: As crappy as it looks, this is what I am choosing right now.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: And looking at it from a place of choice instead of something that is happening to me.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: It is something I I have chosen, whether it's unconscious or conscious.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, my mom has the best phrase and I love it.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_02: She goes, nothing is happening to me.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: It's happening for me.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: And we've had many conversations where she's like, I don't know what this is about.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how this is happening for me, but I know it is, and you know, but shifting that perspective of knowing energy, knowing that I am creating my reality, I am attracting to me what's here.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_02: So using my external reality as this palette, as this mirror to my internal reality.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_02: So if I don't like something here, it's what inside me is creating this snarl that I'm not enjoying.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: And do I do I want to change it?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_02: The answer may not be yes.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: But all of a sudden, looking at things from that perspective, no one is a victim anymore.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's a way to change and shifting that internal aspect of energy, especially when we feel trapped in life, it changes things.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_02: If you are not familiar with energy, if you're not familiar with how your thoughts and feelings affect the physical world, I would really like to drive this home, especially if you feel trapped or you feel like you're in a rut and you feel like you cannot change your external reality.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's important that you change how you think about yourself, and that will change your external reality.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we've used this example before where spouses go to counseling.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_02: They're like, I can't get my spouse to go with me.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think this is gonna work, and duh-da-da-da-da.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: And dude, they go to counseling.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_02: Their spouse doesn't go, they just change themselves.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_02: They just change how they think about themselves.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_02: And their spouse starts treating them differently.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: Other opportunities open up.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: What we think about ourselves shifts our reality.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I love how you have shared your experience so much and how that shifted for you.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: And the big part is like the ownership too.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like you're you were sharing different aspects of that.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_03: Like being able to say, I'm the creator of my fucking reality.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_03: Does it suck to say, yeah, I was in an experience that was a really long experience and all these things unfolded, and you know, there was manipulation and you know, substance use and drugs and all these things, right?
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_03: But I also never learned boundaries.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_03: So when I actually started to wake up and have my spiritual awakening, I had boundaries.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_03: And then I noticed when I wasn't enforcing them.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_03: And then I noticed the the it went back to some of these beliefs.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_03: And I like to share that as an opportunity to empowerment because I noticed my beliefs were not enforcing because I did not feel worthy.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_03: So all these things tie in, though.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I kept staying.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: And eventually it was like, no, this is it or not.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_03: And I know what I deserve, and I'm loving myself through this.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_03: I'm loving myself through this.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_03: And that ownership is when things really shift.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_03: And then you can see on the other side of it too.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_03: Because I believe when you're also in it, yes, you you do see it.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: You see there you're a creator.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_03: And then there's the the opportunity for the shifts after the forgiveness, like all of that, right?
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe it's challenging to forget while you're in it.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_03: I get it.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not saying that because I was not there.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_03: I was not, I was definitely not there at that time.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, that ownership is so beautiful because that is power and that is freedom.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_03: That is freedom.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_03: Like, okay, yes, I I own that I was the creation, as part of the co-creation of this dynamic that was toxic, but I'm also the creator to be able to shift and and create something new.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_03: So that recognition that it is all within really, I believe, is helpful.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_02: I knew you before your transformation and your change, and I know you after.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: I got to see you both ways.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: You're a totally different person.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_02: And it's because I loved how you said it.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_02: You learned to think about yourself differently.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_02: You shifted your beliefs about yourself.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: You couldn't change your partner.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_02: And realizing you couldn't change your partner, you changed you, and it shifted your entire life.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: I had a moment after my divorce where, again, I'm close with Archangel Michael, and he's known as the protector.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_02: He's the archangel of protection.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: While I was having this meltdown about my marriage, going, What the crap happened?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: This guy, I got a yes from spirit that this was the guy.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_02: I married him.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: I I'm like, I was so angry.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_02: I was just screaming mad.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_02: And Archangel Michael was very silent.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I tuned in more, and I'm like, Are you angry with me?
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: And he goes, Yes.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_02: I've never had him get angry with me before.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_02: This was like a first, it hasn't happened again either.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Why?
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_02: And it totally bumped me out of my tirade.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: And he goes, Because I cannot save you from yourself.
• 30:38
  unknown: Yes.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_02: He goes, You are the creator of your experience.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_02: You are the boss of your life.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: I can advise, I can, but I can't save you from your choices.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted what I wanted in that marriage.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_02: And my spirit gave me the go-ahead to marry him.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_02: I got a green lights ahead.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_02: Our souls do not value experiences as good or bad.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_02: They are just experiences.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_02: And my philandering pedophile of a husband was the right man for me to marry to change myself and decide who I wanted to be in order to do this work.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_02: Had I not had that experience, I would not be here doing this.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_02: So he was the right man for the job in that moment.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_02: Didn't mean it was pretty or it was nice or that I would say it ended well.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_02: It was what my soul needed it to be.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_03: It's a catalyst.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_02: If you had one takeaway for people from today, what would it be?
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it would be that choice is freedom.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_03: And we could choose at any moment of any day, any second, to do something different.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: That includes choosing how we think about ourselves and how we behave and act upon those old beliefs or new beliefs that we're like this is true.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_03: It is freedom.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_03: And freedom and sovereignty is something that s no one can ever take from you.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_03: So if if you are in an experience that is toxic, abusive, um, or just not in alignment, know that you can make different decisions and shift things that bring in opportunities to even help you get out of experiences if needed to.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_03: And then also, um yeah, also don't be afraid to get help and support.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_03: So if I don't know better, how do I know how to get help?
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_03: I don't I don't know what that looks like.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_02: So what about you?
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_02: It would be I would reiterate what you just said.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_02: There's always a choice.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody can take from us how we think about ourselves.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody's in in control of our thoughts.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_02: How we think about ourselves is deeply important to how life treats us.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_02: We are the masters of our creation.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_02: And so, how what we think we are worth, what we think we deserve, life will reflect that back to us because life does not judge experiences as good or bad.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_02: They are just experiences.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_02: So, that being said, if you are feeling trapped, if you are feeling abused, please stop and look at how you think about yourself and shift that shift that first.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_02: You can do that in a second with a choice.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_02: Life will start bringing other opportunities and help.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: You have to believe you are deserving of help in order to get help.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_02: And help is necessary.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: I know you've been to counseling.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_02: I've been to counseling, I've had several counselors, and I have they have all taught me different things.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, help is mandatory because we need support and we need new skills.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_02: So please reach out and get it.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_03: Amazing.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_03: Amazing.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_03: Well, thank you for tuning in today to Erotic Spirit Podcasts.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_03: If you've enjoyed what you like, feel free to share a comment or share any feedback in the notes.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_03: You can find us on all the major platforms.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_03: Tune in and as well as on social media, come find us, eroticspiritpodcast.com.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks and bye for now.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: So this awesome podcast is sponsored by Enlightened Energy Works.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_02: Would you like to meet your spirit guides or build a deeper connection with them?
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_02: If so, I have an online self-guided course with simple exercises and recommendations to help you build your connection with your spirit guides in your own way and at your own pace.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_02: If you're interested, please check it out at www.angelashelby.com or click the link in the show notes.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for hanging with us today.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_03: If you find value in this podcast, please like, subscribe, and share.