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Transcript

Carmen Talk: Empathy's Role in Bridging Divides - A Story of My Privilege · All About The Joy

• 0:11
  Carmen Lezeth: Look at.
• 0:11
  Carmen Lezeth: This is one of those really difficult conversations that we all actually have to have, and I understand that it's so easy to be defensive about it, and yet I also understand why people have to bring up the subject.
• 0:25
  Carmen Lezeth: Let me see if I can put a different kind of twist on this, and here's the thing I'm going to give an example of a different way to think about this.
• 0:35
  Carmen Lezeth: But let me be extremely clear.
• 0:37
  Carmen Lezeth: This is apples to hammers and nails, right?
• 0:40
  Carmen Lezeth: This is really me just going out on a limb to try to see.
• 0:44
  Carmen Lezeth: If you look at it from a different perspective, you won't be so triggered by it and maybe you could find a way in to understand the conversation.
• 0:53
  Carmen Lezeth: Does that make sense?
• 0:53
  Carmen Lezeth: Okay, a couple of years ago as many people who have known me listen to me on my podcast or been on the live stream, people know that a couple of years ago I had hip surgery.
• 1:04
  Carmen Lezeth: For me it was a huge big deal.
• 1:06
  Carmen Lezeth: It was something that was very traumatic for me because, unbeknownst to me, it had a lot to do with me making a major change in my career path back when I was a teenager and never really dealing with that fact.
• 1:19
  Carmen Lezeth: So, for example, I lost my mom when I was really young.
• 1:22
  Carmen Lezeth: I didn't really have family in the sense that most people do.
• 1:26
  Carmen Lezeth: You know, blah, blah, blah.
• 1:27
  Carmen Lezeth: There's the story, right.
• 1:28
  Carmen Lezeth: But the one thing that actually really changed the trajectory of my life was realizing I couldn't perform anymore.
• 1:34
  Carmen Lezeth: So during COVID, for whatever reason I don't think it had anything to do with COVID it was just the time period that it coincided with my leg.
• 1:42
  Carmen Lezeth: Really, I couldn't walk anymore.
• 1:44
  Carmen Lezeth: Really well, I was in so much I was crying and pain every morning so I had to have hip surgery.
• 1:49
  Carmen Lezeth: Okay, so I tell you all this because the hip surgery for me was a big deal.
• 1:54
  Carmen Lezeth: My friends came and stayed with me and helped me, and at the beginning of this process I had to walk with a walker.
• 2:02
  Carmen Lezeth: Right, this is a very normal thing.
• 2:04
  Carmen Lezeth: I think I walked with a walker for about a week and a half until I was strong enough to use a cane.
• 2:10
  Carmen Lezeth: And one of my friends, andrea, who a lot of you have met on my live stream because she's part of the crew of All About the Joy, she turned around and she actually stayed with me for the week.
• 2:22
  Carmen Lezeth: And then one of my other dear friends, baata.
• 2:24
  Carmen Lezeth: She also cooked for me and came and helped me, and I just was really blessed with all of that.
• 2:31
  Carmen Lezeth: I then start using my cane on a pretty regular basis just to walk to the grocery store, walk to the corner and back.
• 2:40
  Carmen Lezeth: I was just trying to do oh, by the way, the grocery store is really not that far from me and I'm not a big driver anyway, like I walk mostly everywhere.
• 2:47
  Carmen Lezeth: Okay, so I was just doing these things to keep exercising.
• 2:50
  Carmen Lezeth: And here's kind of the nut of this whole thing.
• 2:54
  Carmen Lezeth: Until I started walking with a cane, I did not understand how uneven the sidewalks were.
• 3:01
  Carmen Lezeth: I didn't understand how too high the curbs are.
• 3:04
  Carmen Lezeth: You know, when you step off the curb to walk across the street, if you are walking with a cane or if you're in a wheelchair or if you are in any kind of disabled situation, these things all of a sudden become so pronounced, right, they become so amazing Even how fast the walk sign is.
• 3:25
  Carmen Lezeth: So if you're at a light and you're trying to cross, and you're basically trying to do the best you can with a cane, you realize that it's not enough time to get from one side to the other.
• 3:36
  Carmen Lezeth: And yet cars are so impatient, right, people driving are so impatient.
• 3:38
  Carmen Lezeth: They want you to go as fast as possible because you know everybody's in a rush, right?
• 3:42
  Carmen Lezeth: So I started to notice these things and even though you know I have my car and even though I did have the disabled placard that I could use during that time period because when you have a major surgery like that, you can apply to get one of those placards to let you park in the designated area for people who are physically challenged the disabled parking areas I chose not to use them, and it's not because I'm a goody two shoes or whatever but because I knew this was a temporary thing.
• 4:15
  Carmen Lezeth: I knew that this was a you know and I was getting better If I was starting to drive on my own.
• 4:20
  Carmen Lezeth: I was getting better and I could walk right, but I started to understand how far it was to walk with a cane in a parking lot if you weren't close, you know.
• 4:30
  Carmen Lezeth: I understood now what it was like to wait in a line to go to the bathroom with everyone else when you're hurting and in so much pain.
• 4:39
  Carmen Lezeth: Okay, so why am I telling you all this?
• 4:42
  Carmen Lezeth: Because the privilege that I enjoy as an able bodied person is something I take for granted right Every day that I walk to the grocery store, especially right now, right Before my surgery, right Before I was in so much pain.
• 4:59
  Carmen Lezeth: And now, afterwards, I understand a whole different world now because of that small smidgen of an experience that was never gonna be permanent for me.
• 5:11
  Carmen Lezeth: But before that I did not understand my privilege.
• 5:16
  Carmen Lezeth: I didn't even notice that the sidewalks were uneven, I didn't even care that the light went too fast for me to cross the street because I could make it halfway through.
• 5:29
  Carmen Lezeth: It never even occurred to me that when I go and look at apartments or I go and look at a house because I wanna buy something, that everything is constructed in such a way to make sure that it's easy and accessible for me, but not if I'm in a wheelchair and not if I am in a situation where I can't reach as high.
• 5:50
  Carmen Lezeth: The privilege that I enjoy as a able bodied person in a world that caters to able to body people is something that I took for granted.
• 6:01
  Carmen Lezeth: Now, is it my fault that people who are physically challenged?
• 6:06
  Carmen Lezeth: Is that my fault?
• 6:07
  Carmen Lezeth: It's not my fault, right, like I didn't have anything to do with it, but it is my fault that I don't give a shit.
• 6:14
  Carmen Lezeth: It is my fault that I continue to walk around every single day and not acknowledge the privilege that I have in my life by being someone who is continuously benefiting from a world that caters to me and my abilities.
• 6:32
  Carmen Lezeth: So you see where I'm going with this right.
• 6:37
  Carmen Lezeth: Instead of walking around and being triggered by a ramp being made in my apartment complex to accommodate people who are struggling every single day trying to get up somewhere with a cane or with a wheelchair, instead, what I do is I applaud that that is happening, because I want my fellow human beings, people, my neighbors, people in the world that I live in to have access, to have the same benefits that I do as an able bodied person.
• 7:10
  Carmen Lezeth: Instead of being triggered or defensive because people are asking me to notice something that I would never notice because I don't experience it, and they've been experiencing it their entire lives.
• 7:23
  Carmen Lezeth: Instead of being triggered by that and defensive, what I wanna do is turn around and be a person who is considerate and open to the possibility that I don't know something, that I need to hear something from my fellow citizens, instead of thinking that they're just complaining.
• 7:39
  Carmen Lezeth: I didn't do anything to put you in a wheelchair.
• 7:43
  Carmen Lezeth: I didn't do anything to make you have to have surgery and be walking with a cane.
• 7:47
  Carmen Lezeth: I didn't do anything for whatever circumstance was bestowed on you and the genes you were born into.
• 7:54
  Carmen Lezeth: Instead of being triggered and defensive, what I realize is that we are all in this world together and I wanna be a considerate, loving, wonderful human being who can turn around and understand that, yes, I enjoy a privilege just based on the way in which I was born, and that this world caters to me because this is the way it's been set up.
• 8:20
  Carmen Lezeth: I understand that people who are white are having a tough time, especially white women.
• 8:26
  Carmen Lezeth: The white fragility in this country, especially in the United States, is beyond my comprehension, because it's all coming from a place of defensiveness and being triggered Instead of a place of oh my God, what can I do?
• 8:43
  Carmen Lezeth: Who can I be in this world to understand that the institutions, that the way in which everything has been set up in this world has been set up for me as a white person, right?
• 8:55
  Carmen Lezeth: Instead of thinking in that way, instead of understanding that you should be coming from a place of compassion and understanding, instead what's happening is a lot of white people are just so triggered by the possibility that they have benefited from a world they've never actually understood when it came to other people.
• 9:16
  Carmen Lezeth: Again, I started this conversation by saying this is apples and hammers.
• 9:21
  Carmen Lezeth: Right, not apples and oranges, but like apples and hammers.
• 9:24
  Carmen Lezeth: Because in no way, shape or form am I trying to equate the physical disabilities or the mental disabilities with the issues of race and color.
• 9:33
  Carmen Lezeth: Do not misunderstand me.
• 9:36
  Carmen Lezeth: Understand the principle I'm trying to say.
• 9:39
  Carmen Lezeth: When you are a white person in the United States and someone comes to you and tells you and that someone is generally a person of color, because people of color are tired, we are exhausted when they come and tell you you are benefiting from racism, you are benefiting from the institutional racism that is in this country that you are benefiting from the privilege of being a white person.
• 10:06
  Carmen Lezeth: Find a way to not be defensive, not get triggered, and try to find your way to an understanding, because here's the difference.
• 10:15
  Carmen Lezeth: I would never, in a million years, equate my I don't know what it was six months of walking with a cane I don't even think it was that long With the trials and tribulations of people who have disabilities since birth or for the rest of their lives.
• 10:33
  Carmen Lezeth: I am angry that I have to use this as an example, but I am trying to find a way for people to understand what it means to be privileged, and let me tell you I know I am privileged in this country when it comes to my physicality.
• 10:49
  Carmen Lezeth: I know I am extremely privileged, and I have never parked in a parking spot that was for somebody who was disabled.
• 10:58
  Carmen Lezeth: I have never, ever, gone into a bathroom stall that was for somebody who was just, so I consider myself a really great person, right?
• 11:08
  Carmen Lezeth: No, because what's more important than doing those right things is to advocate for change, is to go deeper, is to turn around and say you know what?
• 11:19
  Carmen Lezeth: This is wrong.
• 11:21
  Carmen Lezeth: We shouldn't have sidewalks that are not level.
• 11:26
  Carmen Lezeth: We should not have curbs or lights that are not appropriate for everyone to be able to cross the street in safety.
• 11:34
  Carmen Lezeth: But you know what?
• 11:35
  Carmen Lezeth: Those are even bigger issues.
• 11:37
  Carmen Lezeth: You know what I realize now when I'm driving and somebody is having a hard time or is having the time they need to walk across the street.
• 11:46
  Carmen Lezeth: You know what I do I wait patiently, with kindness and consideration.
• 11:52
  Carmen Lezeth: You know what I do when I see somebody who is struggling to go somewhere and they're trying to park and some other person that's parked in their spot.
• 12:01
  Carmen Lezeth: I will say something to the person who's driving a Porsche.
• 12:05
  Carmen Lezeth: This is not to disall Porsche people, but it did happen, so like to turn around.
• 12:09
  Carmen Lezeth: I will go up to that Porsche person say how dare you park in this spot?
• 12:12
  Carmen Lezeth: This does not belong to you.
• 12:13
  Carmen Lezeth: This is not for you.
• 12:16
  Carmen Lezeth: Advocating for what is right is who we are as human beings to each other.
• 12:20
  Carmen Lezeth: When we want a real community and I keep saying this we have lost the ability to be considerate and compassionate of one another.
• 12:29
  Carmen Lezeth: So if the problem for a lot of white people right now is that you can't find a way to understand what being privileged means when it comes to race, maybe this example is a way for you to get through.
• 12:42
  Carmen Lezeth: But if you are somebody who is just defensive because you want to have power, I can't help you because that is just you being racist.
• 12:51
  Carmen Lezeth: You see the difference?
• 12:52
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't think most white people are racist.
• 12:54
  Carmen Lezeth: That's what's so funny.
• 12:55
  Carmen Lezeth: I think a lot of white people behave in racist ways because they don't understand.
• 13:01
  Carmen Lezeth: They don't understand what it means to be privileged because you're so consumed with being defensive about it.
• 13:08
  Carmen Lezeth: Does that make sense?
• 13:10
  Carmen Lezeth: Like that's the problem right now with this whole white fragility thing, and I know, I know that's also a triggering phrase, but it really is that it's.
• 13:19
  Carmen Lezeth: It's getting so triggered by trying to learn our history.
• 13:24
  Carmen Lezeth: It's getting so triggered by trying to understand the truth of who we are as people, as a country, as Americans Of North America, you know, of the United States.
• 13:40
  Carmen Lezeth: I just feel like it's so important for us to get back to the basics of who we are as individuals.
• 13:46
  Carmen Lezeth: Okay, and look at, I'm Latina, right?
• 13:50
  Carmen Lezeth: So on top of it all, it gets even more complex when it's like we are black people, we are people of color, we are people that have all of these different ancestries and African beautiful cultural ties, and we can't even get there.
• 14:06
  Carmen Lezeth: We can't even get to that place where we're all learning about where we all really come from and we have to slap on these labels of white and black.
• 14:16
  Carmen Lezeth: We can't even get to the best parts, because we're still in this surfacy crap of white people just trying to get an understanding that we are tired of the lies, we're tired of the racism, we're tired of being told that we are less than.
• 14:33
  Carmen Lezeth: And again, as I say that I'm not saying you're doing that, but just like I gave an example that maybe you can connect to.
• 14:43
  Carmen Lezeth: I didn't realize I was treating people differently because I was not giving them the same access they needed, the easier access that I enjoy every day as a privileged, able-bodied person.
• 14:55
  Carmen Lezeth: I had no understanding whatsoever how privileged I was and that I wasn't aware of the struggle of what other people were going through just to try to be on equal footing.
• 15:07
  Carmen Lezeth: No pun intended with me.
• 15:09
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't want to live in a world where everyone doesn't have the same possibility.
• 15:14
  Carmen Lezeth: If you fail on your own, that's a whole different ballgame.
• 15:17
  Carmen Lezeth: I you know like you have to learn to get back up right.
• 15:20
  Carmen Lezeth: That's the whole struggle we're all in.
• 15:23
  Carmen Lezeth: But we should all be able to start from at least the same basic place, at least the same basic place.
• 15:30
  Carmen Lezeth: And if we can't start there, then at least we can get there.
• 15:33
  Carmen Lezeth: If I'm not doing my part to advocate, to make sure that people who are just as worthy as I am to have as much as I do as an able-bodied person, then I am not being the best person I can be.
• 15:49
  Carmen Lezeth: And this is the last thing I'll say about white people and white fragility.
• 15:53
  Carmen Lezeth: And look it, I know the word, the phrase white fragility.
• 15:56
  Carmen Lezeth: I mean it's such a triggering phrase, but it really is kind of what encompasses, kind of what's happening right now, where white people are just so defensive about every single thing that a black person says or a person of color just kind of talks about, and you're upset because you're starting to see that it's true, we do have black people who are brilliant and amazing and talented and beautiful and artist, and like I think that, like you're starting to see that you're starting to really understand that you were wrong.
• 16:31
  Carmen Lezeth: You know what I mean, and it's not that you were doing anything intentional, it's that you did not see what you could not see, just like I did not know at all that the sidewalks were so uneven and that the curbs were so high and that the lights were so fast.
• 16:47
  Carmen Lezeth: Now, here's the difference You're never going to be able to walk in my skin.
• 16:50
  Carmen Lezeth: You're never going to be able to walk in my skin.
• 16:54
  Carmen Lezeth: And here's the irony of ironies.
• 16:56
  Carmen Lezeth: As a light-skinned black, latina woman, I enjoy a privilege that African American women do not enjoy at all.
• 17:05
  Carmen Lezeth: So and I know this gets a little bit more complex, but what I'm trying to tell you is that we are all in this place of learning learning, being considerate, being open to the possibility that the way we've been thinking is wrong, and most of it is because we're not able to see something.
• 17:24
  Carmen Lezeth: If we can't see it Now, I'm not giving a pass to the racists by any means, because some of you out there are just straight up racist.
• 17:31
  Carmen Lezeth: Nothing anybody says is going to convince you otherwise that you enjoy privilege because of your skin color, but for everyone else who has been having a hard time understanding what that means, I hope that that explanation helps a little bit.
• 17:49
  Carmen Lezeth: And to all of my friends and people that I do know who struggle with physical disabilities, please know that in this description and in this conversation I hope I said things very correctly.
• 18:04
  Carmen Lezeth: I am also still learning and trying to understand the correct wording and phrases to explain things, and so I hope you know I'm a little bit passionate right now and a little bit upset that I had to have this conversation, but I hope that I did not disrespect anyone in that community at all and if I did, please let me know so that I am continuously learning and considerate of everyone.
• 18:29
  Carmen Lezeth: Okay, thank you, I'm gonna stop talking about this, but I hope all of you continue to have the conversation and let me throw this out there too I am not the most well-spoken person on this.
• 18:41
  Carmen Lezeth: This is my perspective and this is what I'm trying to tell people white people, white friends of mine, people that I'm in contact with.
• 18:48
  Carmen Lezeth: This is how I'm trying to explain things, so I hope this helps.
• 18:52
  Carmen Lezeth: But there are so many books, so many things that you can do to educate yourself, and I know it's difficult to think that you need to read, but I just feel like there are just so many other ways in which you can learn things like this without actually you're never gonna experience what it's like to be black is what I'm saying.
• 19:12
  Carmen Lezeth: I hope none of you experience what it's like to have to be disabled and you're never gonna understand what it's like to feel what it's like to be a person of color.
• 19:21
  Carmen Lezeth: So, especially even if you did, it's like what I did right.
• 19:25
  Carmen Lezeth: It's like, for one minute, a smidgen.
• 19:27
  Carmen Lezeth: That's not this when you are born as a person of color.
• 19:30
  Carmen Lezeth: No one will ever experience that right, just like I have never experienced what it really was like to be disabled.
• 19:36
  Carmen Lezeth: That's not me being disabled.
• 19:38
  Carmen Lezeth: That's me having surgery for a minute and just experiencing a smidgen, a smidgen of what people have to deal with their entire lives.
• 19:48
  Carmen Lezeth: So I didn't really experience anything.
• 19:50
  Carmen Lezeth: You see what I'm saying, so again, I hope this is a different way for you to think about it.
• 19:54
  Carmen Lezeth: If you have any questions, reach out to me and I will do the best I can.
• 19:57
  Carmen Lezeth: Thank you everyone.
• 19:58
  Carmen Lezeth: I appreciate you and keep the conversation going.
• 20:01
  Carmen Lezeth: Thanks for stopping by.
• 20:03
  Carmen Lezeth: All about the joy.
• 20:04
  Carmen Lezeth: Be better and stay beautiful.
• 20:06
  Carmen Lezeth: Folks, have a sweet day.