Latest / #Faith4TodayPodcast / Episode 67 #Faith4TodayPodcast – Waiting, Insecurity, and the Story of Self

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Episode 67 #Faith4TodayPodcast – Waiting, Insecurity, and the Story of Self · #Faith4TodayPodcast

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What if the biggest battles in your life aren't happening
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around you, but like, on the inside of you?
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In this episode of the Faithful Today podcast, we're going to
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look at King Saul from First Samuel 13 and how waiting
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exposed the deeper insecurities that were shaping his decisions.
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We're going to talk about delays and inner vows and fear based
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control and how insecurity can quietly lead us to a life of
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disobedience. I believe this episode is going
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to help you to slow down and surrender the deeper story
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that's kind of driving your life.
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Let's get into it. Well, hey, welcome to another
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episode of the Faith for Today podcast.
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My name is Matthew. I am your host and this is
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episode 67 and we're looking at King Saul, we're looking at
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insecurities, we're going to look at inner vows, We're going
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to look at all of these things that kind of collide within us
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and hopefully lead us to a place of growth and maturity rather
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than living in this this scramble mode of trying to self
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protect and be self-sufficient in our lives.
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So what we want to do is to not just be inspired from the
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message, but we want to learn to integrate it to a life of
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faithfulness. And so we're going to kind of
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recap what we heard on Sunday and share a little bit of bonus
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content and then respond to some questions that came in all with
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the hope of helping us grow in our faith for today.
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So let's get into it. Here's the recap.
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In this message, we looked at First Samuel 13 and kind of
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looked at a snapshot of King Saul.
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And King Saul really is a life that is a kind of like a case
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study in what it looks like to start out resisting the story of
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self, but ultimately rejecting the story of God for our own
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story, our own life insufficiency.
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King Saul was under this immense pressure right in and for Samuel
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13, the, the, the, the, the, the battle was beginning, right?
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He was surrounded. They were outnumbered.
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His men were hiding, beginning to desert him.
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He was feeling the full weight of leadership.
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He was out manned, outgunned, outnumbered and the battle and
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the pressure was just huge and God had given him a clear
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command to go and wait for Samuel in order to offer
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sacrifice and worship to the Lord.
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But the real issue was never just about this seven day
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waiting, it was really about the test beneath the waiting.
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See, God often tests us through delays, not to trip us up or
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trap us, but to reveal what is truly shaping our hearts.
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Hope or impatience? Trust or this self-sufficiency?
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King Saul allowed what should have produced hope to become
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anxiety, and his small compromise and worship exposed
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something deeper within him that he was more concerned with
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preserving his image, winning the battle, and pleasing people
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than really in obeying the Lord. His impatience became his
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doorway to this rebellion later on in his life.
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The deeper issue though, was Saul's insecurity and these
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inner vowels that likely flowed from it.
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I talked about how insecurity is often this chronic anticipation
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that something important about our self is unsafe, it's
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insufficient, maybe it's even at risk, and and how that
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insecurity then drives behaviors like control and image
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management and over performance and defensiveness in order to
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compensate for this insecurity. Biblically, those protective
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adaptations or behaviors often become inner vows that we made
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these OS that we make to protect ourselves from ever being heard
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again. Saul's rebellion didn't begin on
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the battlefield though. It really began in his soul
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where he had bonded himself to fear and approval and self
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protection because of some OS that he made.
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I think that's why the invitation of this message is to
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slow down, to have honest reflection, and to surrender
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both our past wounds and our protective patterns of living
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and give those all to the Lord. See, God's authority and and
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what he says over us is what sets us free.
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His power is greater than us, His strength is greater than our
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strength, and any covenant or vow we make with him can
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eradicate and eliminate any vow we've made with ourselves.
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The question is simply this, whose authority are we living
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under? Are we living under our own
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authority or are we living submitted to God's authority in
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our life? All right, I want to share a
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little bit of bonus content with you today.
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I want to go and look at this verse in First Samuel 10 verse
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22. It kind of backs up a little
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bit. In Psalms beginning story it
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says this. They again inquired of the Lord,
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Has the man come here yet? And the war replied, There he is
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hidden among the supplies. Now, one of the things that I
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found interesting was that in while Saul was about to be
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nominated, Samuel was nominating him to be the, the new king.
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And, and the people had all gathered.
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Samuel had gathered all of the people in the land together to
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make this announcement and to proclaim Saul as the their their
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king men. It it's such a wild thing
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because here, here he is. He is hiding behind the
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supplies. Now, insecurity gets us to hide
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in plain sight, right? This, this idea that our
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insecurities will try to get us to act and create certain
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behavior patterns in order to protect us, to allow us to be
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hidden so that who we are isn't really exposed, so that we can
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kind of live compensating for, for certain things that we don't
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like about ourselves, that we feel insecure about things that
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we don't love or that we're afraid of or whatever.
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And so insecurity has a has a way of causing us to hide in
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plain sight. And this is what Saul was doing.
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He was hiding. He was perhaps even living with
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a false sense of humility, even though what he really wanted was
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to be recognized, to be seen, to be validated, celebrated.
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Man, He, he didn't have that. I also find it interesting that
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here is Saul, similar to Gideon, hiding among the supplies in in
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in a spot because they were insecure versus David, who when
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Samuel goes to find David to anoint him as king, he was
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hidden in the field. I think there is a difference
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between being hidden away and hiding from hidden is different
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than hiding. I think there are times that God
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does something in our hearts and we're kind of like hidden behind
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the scenes where where it's God is working on us and no one else
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knows about it. Nobody else sees it.
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We're doing things kind of it in the secret place, if you will,
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versus other times where where God is calling us to step up and
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we're just hiding away. We're scared, we're insecure,
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we're unwilling to take a step of courage.
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And I think that God had an assignment for Saul.
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God, God was assigning Saul the task of being king.
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And Saul was a little reluctant. Saul was a little insecure.
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Saul was doing this. But one of the things I love is
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that God will often give us an assignment, not because we're so
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valuable, so gifted, so amazing, but God will give us an
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assignment in life, something to to do, something to care for,
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something to steward, something that he invites us into to help
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accomplish us. Not not because he needs
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something done, but rather he's working on us.
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This is, I think, what Philippians is getting at where
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it says that he being God who began a good work in you, is
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faithful to complete it until the day of Christ, our our Lord.
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In other words, God wants to help us grow to be radiant
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reflections of his Son, Jesus Christ.
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And the way in which God does that, the, the means, the
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avenue, the context where that happens as often within our, our
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assignment, we, we often talk about this in church leadership
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that we're not trying to use people to build a big church.
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Rather, we're using ministry in the church as an excuse and an
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Ave. and a means by helping people grow big in their faith
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for God. In other words, our, our, our
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goal is not to use people in order to get ministry done, but
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rather we utilize ministry to help people grow in their faith
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and in the way of Jesus. And God does that.
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I, I can't tell you the number of times that I've heard it
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said. It's kind of a cliche at this
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point, but but God doesn't call the qualified.
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He qualifies the called. In other words, God calls you
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and then he equips you in the time and, and sometimes that
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equipping happens on the job in the process.
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And God uses assignments, God uses relationships.
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God leverages opportunities in the the season of life that
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we're in in order to refine our character and strengthen our
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loyalty in him. This is what God does.
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And ultimately that's what a test does to God.
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God is testing to, to reveal and verify strength in US and he's
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doing it to purify our hearts towards towards him.
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He's not, he's not trying to just get us to do stuff for him.
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That's, that's giving us an assignment because he's actually
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wanting us to look and live and become more like him.
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And what begins as something profoundly spiritual and, and,
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and spirit driven can easily end up in the flesh of, of, of our
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own story of our own life, of our own, of our own making.
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Think about, think about this in first Samuel 10.
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If you go to first Samuel 10 and you look at verse 77 to 9:00, it
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says the Spirit of the Lord will come powerfully on you.
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You will prophecy with them and you will have and you will be
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transformed. He's talking to Saul.
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When these signs have appeared to you, do whatever your
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circumstance required, because God is with you, Saul,
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afterwards, go ahead to meet a Gilgal, and I will come to you
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to offer burnt offerings to a sacrifice, fellowship offerings.
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Wait seven days until I come to you and show you what to do.
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When Samuel, when Samuel turned to when Saul turned to leave
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Samuel. Excuse me, God changed his heart
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and all the signs came about that day.
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So what do we see? God was giving Saul
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instructions. He inaugurated him this king
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said, I want you to go fight these armies.
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I'm going to come on you. I'm going to prophecy.
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You're going to prophecy. The Spirit Lord is going to
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equip you to do this. And then when you get to Gibeah,
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you've won the battle and you're getting ready to see another
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battle come before that second battle.
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I want you to wait for me 7 days and then I'll come and we'll
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we'll worship. So he knew it was going to be 7
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days. He knew it was going to be that
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time. And if you'll remember from the
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sermon we talked about in first single 13 on the 7th day, Saul,
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God impatient was like man, people are deserting.
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I got to offer the sacrifice now and he just kind of acts on his
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own. I think this is a great picture
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of how what begins in the Spirit God has called him God equipped
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him. God said, I'm going to give you
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my spirit. You're going to prophecy.
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I'm going to help you. I'm going to be with you.
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I'm going to change your heart. I'm going to make you a new
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person in Saul. But what began there ended up in
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the flesh. I think this is what Paul gets
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at in Galatians when he's writing to the church in
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Galatians says, Hey, listen, what what happened to you?
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Who's bewitched you? Why is it that what you started
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was in the spirit? It was birth of the spirit by
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the by the grace of God, but then you've turned it into some
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legalism into trying to make it happen on your own, forcing the
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issue, growing impatient, living more like the world than you're
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living like God. You, you forsaken what it means.
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I want to call you back to what it means to be crucified with
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Christ, to let him live through you.
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And, and I think the warning that we see in King Saul here is
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that what can begin by God birthing something in us, if
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we're not living a life of ongoing surrender to him,
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allowing him to change who we are on an ongoing basis,
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eventually we short circuit what God is trying to do and we just
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try to do it on our own. We get ahead of God.
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We start living in the flesh. We start living in our own
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thing. And that's exactly what Saul
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does. He heard the instructions, he
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knew what God had commanded. He saw God work in his life.
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He saw the victory in the first sets of battles.
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And his son Jonathan was having victory in battle and, and time
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had passed. And now they were finally
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gathered to this place and Samuel was going to come.
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And they waited 7 days. And on the 7th day Saw was like,
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man, I'm tired of waiting. I can't do this anymore.
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People are leaving, the pressures too big.
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I gotta act now. If I don't do this now, it's
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never gonna happen. If I don't do it, it won't get
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done. And so let me just do it myself.
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And Saul, that was the beginning of the end of Sauls reign.
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And then you read the rest of the story throughout First
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Samuel, King Saul gets deranged, gets demented, the spirit lifts,
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and in fact, an evil spirit kind of comes to be his accompanyman
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and to lead him in wrong ways. And it's pretty, pretty wild.
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But if you think about it, Saul's reasonable defense of his
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actions kind of demonstrates that leadership demands what
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appears to be absurd obedience. Think, think about it.
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I mean, come on, what's the harm of offering a sacrifice?
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He is the leader. He's the one in charge.
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I mean, it seems like what Saul did was out of instinct.
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And actually it wasn't his instinct.
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It was an insecurity. It was a a lack of trust in the
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Lord and a need for assurance in himself.
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So he acted in his own way and that man created a ripple
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effect. And as as leaders, it seemed
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like man logical, like why? Why would he do that?
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Or, or why, why would he get in trouble for that?
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Because there's a higher call often times for leaders.
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I think this is a principle that challenges human logic, but it
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really defines faithfulness to God.
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This whole kind of episode of of if Saul's life kind of
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establishes this theological pattern that God seeks one after
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his own part, who completely surrenders to God's will,
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relying on God's true strength rather than depending on a false
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sense of strength. But Saul lacked the faith, the
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fidelity, the loyalty to radically alter perception and
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judgement of reality. So so in other words, Saul did
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not have trust in the Lord near as much as he had trust in
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winning and something tangible and something here.
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And so he kind of justified his actions.
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He kind of made logical reasons for it, and it led him down a
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wrong path. Eventually Saul's heart grew
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hard by rejection and turned into a full on rebellion, even
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though on the surface he wanted to appear repentant, which we
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see later in for Samuel 1314 and other places, even 15, where
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where Samuel rejects Saul's leadership and Saul tries to to
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hold on to it. And again and again he he's
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building an altar to himself, these idols to himself and
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monuments to himself. Man saw got into it bad.
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He really did rebel acted like witchcraft and and never really
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repented. His heart wasn't in it.
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In fact, even though he said the words, he didn't really embody
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the words because God isn't after just our I'm sorry.
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He's after a correction in our behavior, a change in how we
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live. That's what repentance looks
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like it. And Saul never really repented.
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He just pretended and made excuses.
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Ultimately, no leader in Scripture though is perfect.
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And when we look at King Saul, we're like, man, if he could
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even we'll get into David's life.
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His life wasn't perfect. Like there is no human leader
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who will be perfect. They will let us down.
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I will let you down as a leader and a shepherd.
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I will not be perfect. I no one of us will be only
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Jesus but and none after him will be perfect either.
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No one after Jesus was going to be perfect.
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No one in the scriptures were perfect as a, as a leader, as a
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king, as somebody who, who wants to do right.
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And, and you won't be a perfect example of Christ's love and who
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Christ is in the world to your kids and on the job.
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You're not going to get it right all the time.
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There's going to be moments where you live in the story of
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self rather than in the story of Christ.
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And, and you're going to have to repent and come to an awareness
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of it and change things and not create behavior patterns around
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it. Like, like that's part of the
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renewal and the transforming work of Christ that he wants to
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do in US. It doesn't mean though, we stop
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pursuing him. We throw our hands up and like,
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if we're not going to be perfect, then like, why try?
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Or then if I'm going to mess up, just like keep messing up and
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who cares really? No, it, it really doesn't do
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that because we really do want to pursue him.
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We really do want to have a heart after him.
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We really want to be holy in that way.
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And so even though no, no leader will be perfect, even though
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like our leaders won't be perfect, even though you won't
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be perfect, it doesn't mean we stop pursuing the heart of God.
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We stop pursuing who he is and the wholeness that God longs to
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bring. It's kind of that that whole
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idea of sloppy grace. I think a lot of times we just
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try to, to live well. If God's going to forgive me,
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well, let me just do it however I want.
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It doesn't really matter. No, it does matter.
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It creates impact, it damages other people.
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It it hurts our witness. And people don't see clearly who
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Christ is and all sorts of other things.
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I'm sorry. How about got a piece of ice on
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that iced coffee? And I think that we all like
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have these moments where we're we're tempted to just reduce our
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life down to, to a few things. And it's like, well, if it's, if
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we're going to mess up, it's just fine.
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Who cares? We'll just get forgiveness later
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and we'll, we'll move on. Well, I don't, I don't really
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feel like that's what God's after.
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It's not a heart after God. That's a heart after ourselves
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and not getting in trouble. That's a heart that fears
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punishment, not a heart that fears God.
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And I think it's, it's an important to, to understand that
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the last kind of section of things that I want to say is I
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do think that insecurity is the shadow side of pride.
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I think they're they're two sides of the same coin.
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Or let me say pride is the coin. Arrogance and insecurity are the
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two sides. I think pride is something every
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human is deals with in either the insecurity side or in the
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arrogance cocky side of things, but ultimately both.
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Insecurity, arrogance, ultimately pride is rooted in
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unbelief towards God. In fact, I actually think most
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sin if boiled down to its real root cause, it all comes back to
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unbelief. Adam and Eve ate the tree ate
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ate the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
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because they believed something incorrectly about God.
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That's unbelief, wrong belief, dis.
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Not doubt, not questions like curiosity, not this doesn't make
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sense, not that, but a a choice to not believe what God has said
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to to live deceived. Unbelief is at the root.
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I think of almost every sin that we would commit and the same is
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true for pride. The same is true for our
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insecurity. So ultimately, we're concerned
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that if we live God's way and we don't live with behaviors to
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protect ourselves, we're going to get taken advantage and God
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won't care for us, that we'll get rejected by God and and we
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believe the wrong things about God.
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That's why I talked about how inner vows are formed.
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There's like an event because something that injuries us,
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something that impacts us in some way.
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There's an impacting event, could be traumatic, could just
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be disappointment. It just could be normal human
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things, right? There's an event that impacts
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us, then there's an interpretation.
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And this is where the unbelief or wrong belief about God starts
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to creep in. We're we're then told how to
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interpret. There are thoughts that the
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enemy comes trying to get us to interpret that that event in a
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certain way. And then that leads us
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ultimately, because of a wrong interpretation, to make an inner
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vow, an oath to protect ourselves.
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And then when that injury or that event happens again in
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another way, we're like, see, I knew it, that's going to happen.
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And if that happens, I can't do that.
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So I'm going to redouble down on the vow again.
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And we get stuck in this cycle where we trust ourselves rather
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than trusting in the Lord. And this is, I think what Saul
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did again and again, his insecurity was the
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interpretation of what the event happened.
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I showed you some of the, the, the passages in at the end of
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First Samuel 10 where he was selected king and some of the
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men didn't bring him a gift. And they said, how can this man
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even save us? He's he, he's nothing.
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And so there was this rejection that happened.
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He interpreted that event with man.
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I'm going to take note of it. I'm not going to say anything.
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I'm going to do anything. I'm just going to prove myself
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that I'm worth it and I'm better than that.
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And so that began this people pleasing that began this
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posturing that began him. Like something in him had to do
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that. How do I know?
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Because the pattern of his life revealed somewhere along the
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way, he made a commitment to himself to believe the wrong
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thing. And because of that wrong
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belief, he made these vows like I'm not going to be.
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And so he always went out of his way could be a success with
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always went out of his way to to make sure he, he he was
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protected and never experienced that injury, never was impacted
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in that way again. And I think that that's exactly
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what that looks like. So, so whether we're talking
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about insecurity or shows up later in his life as pride or
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he's building himself a, so he goes from hiding behind the, the
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thing being a reluctant king to being a prideful, arrogant,
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rebellious king who is building a monument to himself, trying
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to, to, to create accolades of where he was.
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And then Fast forward in David's life with the king.
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David starts killing and winning battles and Saul is no longer
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winning battles. They start singing songs about
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David instead of King Saul. And they're singing songs like,
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Hey, Saul killed his thousands, but David's killed 10,000
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David's better than Saul and it injured his pride and his
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insecurity again. And he reacts in anger.
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He tries to control situations. He he has a pattern of behavior
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trying to cover up and compensate for this insecurity
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that really started as just this insult, this injury that
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occurred in his life and this event that that has impacted
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him. And he's developed behaviors to
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try to protect himself from being injured in that way again.
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Again, let me read it to you first, Samuel, Tim, to the end
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of it, the very, very last verse it says.
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But some wicked men said, how can this guy save us?
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They despised him and did nothing to bring him a gift.
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But Saul said nothing. In other words, Saul knew it.
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Saul saw it, and he just kind of silently sat there with it.
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And what's interesting is our insecurities will lead us to
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interpret and only focus on the negative.
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In fact, it says right before him that there were many people
24:47
who who got to touch their hearts that went with saw many
24:50
people were foresaw. It was all of these naysayers
24:53
that took up all of the real estate and Saul's mind.
24:56
So all he could focus on, all he could think about, all the only
25:00
way he interpreted his coronation event, that moment
25:03
was that he was hiding and he wasn't sure he was good enough.
25:07
And then people confirmed that he wasn't good enough by saying,
25:10
I don't think he could save us. And that began to interpret the
25:14
whole event for his life. And it led him to live a pattern
25:18
where he was, he was against it. And the same is probably true in
25:21
your life and in my life. And that doesn't mean we're bad
25:23
people. Saul came from a good family.
25:25
Saul had a good upbringing. Saul had a lot going for him.
25:28
But the injury to our souls that occurs amongst normal living is
25:33
something that we all have to wrestle and deal with.
25:35
Why? Because we live in a broken
25:37
world Where where? Where?
25:38
Where we are disconnected from union with God.
25:42
And the voice of the world around us often is so much
25:45
louder than the voice of our Heavenly Father.
25:47
And even in in good places and in good homes with good parents,
25:52
we all can experience injuries in some way.
25:54
And it's not so much that the event itself is so bad that
25:57
impacts us. It's the interpretation of the
26:01
event that creates the biggest impact in our life.
26:05
In some way, shape or form. It impacts us.
26:07
For good or bad, it doesn't matter.
26:08
There's an impact and it's how we interpret that impact that
26:13
really either leads us to create an interval or we move to a
26:17
place of surrender where we let God heal it.
26:19
We hear we we combat that with truth and we process that
26:23
correctly. And often it's because of the
26:25
voices that are around us that that kind of get that.
26:29
I think Samuel gives us some some good instruction for what
26:33
do we do when we're aware of our insecurities or how do we
26:37
discover it? How do we live in a way that
26:39
kind of lets us not be fried from fight or flight mentality,
26:44
but we're actually experiencing the flourishing life of God and
26:48
we're growing in God and becoming healthy.
26:50
And what do we do with it now? Well, I think Samuel gives us
26:52
some, some important things like like we said on Sunday, we've
26:55
got to learn to slow down and reflect honestly about our
27:00
lives, about the events of our lives.
27:02
For Samuel 1214 says, if you fear the Lord, worship and obey
27:07
him. And if you do not rebel against
27:09
the Lords command, then both you and the king who reign over you
27:13
will follow the Lord your God. However, if you disobey the
27:17
Lord, and you rebel against this command, the Lord's hand will be
27:19
against you, as it was against your ancestors.
27:22
Now therefore present yourselves and see this great thing that
27:26
the Lord will do before your eyes.
27:29
One of the ways we slow down is by meditating on the Word and
27:32
presenting ourselves to the Lord as worship.
27:36
In other words, we we slow down our lives and we honestly
27:40
reflect on what it is that we're bringing to the Lord.
27:42
I love how he says it in verse 16.
27:44
Present yourselves and see the great thing the Lord will do in
27:47
your life. Romans 12 says present your
27:51
bodies as a living sacrifice to the Lord, holy and pleasing to
27:55
him, for this is a proper way of worshipping him.
27:57
So Samuel is trying to tell us that the proper way to worship
28:00
is to keep offering all of who we are to God in worship.
28:05
And so one of the ways we, we do this is by slowing down our
28:09
life, being honest about our life and the reflection of our
28:14
life as to whether or not we're reflecting Christ or we're,
28:17
we're reflecting an insecurity, we're reflecting an injury.
28:20
We're reflecting ourselves. Who, who are we reflecting?
28:23
And when we slow down long enough, we, we are careful to
28:26
present ourselves to the Lord and we look and say, OK, is my
28:31
heart really after God or is my heart after something else?
28:34
And when you slow down to reflect on your daily life, on
28:36
how you react, on your daily patterns, and you just sit and
28:40
you examine, you can begin to see and evaluate the areas
28:44
you're stuck. The areas are stalled out, the
28:46
areas you're immature, the areas where maybe you're acting out of
28:49
a wound rather than acting out of wholeness from the from the
28:54
Lord. And then the second thing Samuel
28:56
kind of encourages us to do is to surrender our past and our
29:00
patterns to the Lord in humble repentance.
29:03
He goes on to say this in first Samuel 12, starting in verse 20.
29:07
He says Samuel replied, don't be afraid.
29:09
Even though you've committed all this evil.
29:11
In other words, even though you're doing the wrong thing,
29:14
don't turn away from following the Lord.
29:16
In other words, you've done some wrong things, but you're still
29:18
wanting to follow the Lord. That's true of all of us, like
29:21
we want to follow the Lord, but we still do some wrong things.
29:24
We're not perfect, we're not going to be.
29:26
So what do we do instead? Worship the Lord with all your
29:29
heart. Don't turn away.
29:30
And to follow worthless things that can profit or or that can't
29:34
profit or rescue you. They are worthless.
29:38
The Lord will not abandon His people because of His great name
29:42
and because He is determined to make you His own people.
29:44
In other words, hey, listen, when you recognize that you're
29:48
doing the wrong thing, don't keep doing the wrong thing.
29:52
Pause, surrender it and and now create a new pattern of living
29:57
to the Lord where where you are pursuing him rather than
30:01
yourself. Don't pursue the things that
30:03
can't profit you. Don't pursue the things that
30:05
aren't really going to make your life come alive.
30:08
Don't pursue the things that are worthless.
30:10
Pursue the Lord and know this that God will not abandon you.
30:16
He's making a vow for you as it as a king, saying I am the King
30:20
and I'm making a vow to be with you, to be for you to not
30:23
abandon you. And I'm asking you in return to
30:27
pursue the Kingdom of God, his righteousness, seeking first him
30:32
and and giving your heart and your worship to the Lord.
30:34
And so Samuel's encouragement is keep your pattern of living
30:39
surrendered to the Lord. Let your past God forgive it and
30:43
let your daily pattern of living lead you to follow the Lord
30:47
rather than follow your own story.
30:49
Follow your own insecurity. Don't let insecurity be your
30:52
Lord. Let the God of the universe be
30:55
your Lord and let the truth about what He says about you,
30:57
who He's created you to be, and His healing power to do that.
31:00
Don't let your past or your your previous pattern of living
31:05
continue to define you. Repent, come to the Lord and let
31:08
the Lord change your heart and let the Lord be found faithful
31:14
to you and in, in, in your in your life.
31:18
All right, let's get into some questions and response now.
31:22
Got several questions we're going to try to get through
31:24
today. And here's the first one.
31:25
How do I know if I'm being tested by God or just facing
31:30
normal delays in life? I think normal delays in life
31:34
are often how God tests us. But let me say this, it's really
31:38
important to live with some humility and not catastrophize
31:43
everything. I think sometimes we like
31:44
elevate everything that happens in our life to like the NTH
31:47
degree. Like it's always this, well,
31:49
it's not always that sometimes, man, you just woke up on the
31:51
wrong side. You got a bad attitude.
31:53
I don't think God's testing you. However, that is a revealing
31:57
thing of what's really in your heart.
31:58
So on one hand, like not everything is a test from God.
32:03
And on the other hand, James says, count everything as joy as
32:08
an opportunity to grow when you face trials of all kinds.
32:12
So on one hand, I don't think we have to like over spiritualize
32:17
or over catastrophize things. I think we need some humility
32:19
there, like we're the most important person in the world.
32:22
And so therefore God is always after us or the devil is always,
32:25
I think we need to live with. I think we need a little bit
32:27
more humility in that. And remember that James One says
32:31
to count it all joy when you face trials of many kinds,
32:36
knowing that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
32:42
In other words, everything that we walk through in our daily
32:46
life is an opportunity to grow in strength and loyalty to the
32:50
Lord. Testing of our faith to the
32:53
testing of our loyalty to Jesus as King is what produces A
32:58
perseverance to endure until the end when he returns.
33:03
So I think I think it's important to count all of it as
33:07
joy. And I think it's worth noting
33:10
that sometimes as we mature, what used to feel like a test
33:16
becomes less intimidating because we've become stronger.
33:20
So what used to be really strenuous to do in the gym, it's
33:25
not as hard, it's just a warm up.
33:26
Now it's just normal activity gets you moving.
33:30
And so why? Because your strength has
33:33
developed, your endurance has increased.
33:37
I think that's actually the point is that everything that we
33:40
experience in our life, while it might not be some like God
33:47
orchestrated event where we overemphasize this element.
33:52
Just recognizing that all of our daily life is an opportunity to
33:58
grow in our loyalty to the Lord. It's an opportunity to
34:02
demonstrate or reveal and that we are a son and daughter of God
34:06
and we want to live his way. We want to live in the fruit of
34:09
his Spirit and, and every moment is an opportunity to let the
34:13
fruit of the Spirit be seen in our lives.
34:15
And if there is a moment in our day that we're not letting the
34:19
fruit of the Spirit be seen, where we're not letting our
34:21
loyalty to Jesus be seen or known, we're not representing
34:24
Christ well. Well, that's an area that the
34:26
next time that has been revealed through that moment, that many
34:30
test and we can come out stronger and we can do it
34:33
different next time. So how do we know if we're being
34:37
tested by God or just facing normal delays in life?
34:39
I actually think they're one in the same.
34:41
And each opportunity in life, even if it's just a normal
34:45
delay, a normal waiting, a normal part of life, I think
34:50
James says to count that as joy and to look at that as testings
34:54
of all kinds so that we can produce faith so that our
34:58
perseverance grows in the Lord. Here's the next question.
35:04
If God already knows my heart, why does he need to test me to
35:09
reveal what's in my heart? Let me say this the testing
35:14
isn't for God's sake. It's for yours.
35:19
It's not so that God knows what's in your heart.
35:21
He already knows. God doesn't test us to learn
35:24
something new. God test us so that it's
35:27
revealed to us what's in our heart.
35:30
He does it so that our heart becomes strengthened, so that
35:33
our heart becomes purified in its motive.
35:36
It's more about our awareness of ourselves than proving anything
35:42
to God. We don't prove anything to God
35:45
in the test like he didn't know it.
35:48
No, no, no, it's revealing something for us about us.
35:53
And that's why those things come in our lives so that our hearts
35:56
are revealed, not so that there, but but it reveals it to others,
36:01
but most importantly reveals it to to us so that we can honestly
36:05
evaluate where our love is. Is it to the Lord or is it to
36:10
the way of the world? Great question.
36:13
Here's another one, besides praying and asking God to reveal
36:17
any internal vows that I've created, are there other ways to
36:20
help expose what those internal vowels might be like?
36:24
How to identify an inner vow in my own in my own life?
36:29
Super great question. Let me kind of give some thought
36:31
to this. I think that you have to look at
36:37
reoccurring patterns in your life.
36:40
Is there something that continually happens, a
36:43
reoccurring relational pattern where where I get to a point in
36:48
a friendship and I always acted this way or I always respond
36:52
this way? Is there there a moment when I'm
36:54
receiving coaching or constructive feedback or even
36:59
correction from a parent or a boss or a teacher?
37:04
Is my response to their correction always really
37:08
defensive? It's likely going to reveal,
37:11
reveal an inner vow and insecurity, something that you
37:14
are compensating and acting in order to try to protect.
37:17
Remember, vows are there to we make them to protect ourselves.
37:22
That's what compensating behavior looks like, right?
37:25
This is what we do and we we continually vow these things.
37:28
And the spiritual reality is it's not so much that we just
37:31
have learned the behavior is that we've made a partnering
37:34
bond with this behavior. We've kind of vowed to keep this
37:37
behavior because we know that it's protecting us.
37:39
So it could look like reoccurring relational patterns.
37:43
Overreactions to things. Do you overreact when something
37:48
shouldn't be a big deal but like it is a big deal to you, Do you
37:51
overreact? It's likely there's something
37:54
there. How about compulsive control,
37:57
People pleasing emotional rigidity in in other words,
38:02
you're just really harsh, really cold.
38:04
Really, there's there's no warmth to to you.
38:07
It's just rigid statements that maybe sound like I'll never or I
38:13
always have to. Those likely are revealing a a
38:18
pattern of behavior that is formed around a vow.
38:22
Well, I'll, I'll never and you fill in the blank or I'll I
38:26
always have to Bah, Bah, Bah, Bah, Bah.
38:29
Those are statements that kind of indicate there's likely an
38:33
inner vow somewhere in your life.
38:37
One of the, I think, a great diagnostic question to ask
38:40
yourself, I shared in the message was simply this.
38:44
What am I trying to prove or what am I trying to protect?
38:50
That kind of helps you get to the root a little bit more as to
38:54
where is there an inner vow and how do I identify it?
38:58
What, what is it? And so typically the way it has
39:03
worked in my life is I will notice a pattern of behavior or
39:08
somewhere where I keep feeling stuck or stalled out and I'm not
39:12
progressing. I'll notice a reaction and then
39:16
I'll sit with it and wonder why, Why did I do it that way?
39:20
Why? Why can't I?
39:22
What is it that's underneath that?
39:24
What is it? The emotion that the thing that
39:27
I'm feeling that make me respond, act, behave, do fill in
39:32
the blank. Then I'll begin to understand
39:35
the emotion. And then I'll just ask, I have
39:36
to ask the Lord, I have to go back.
39:38
Is there a moment where that first occurred?
39:40
Is there a moment where maybe that is there an event in my
39:44
life that kind of impacted me in such a way that I I began to
39:48
interpret the rest of my life through through that.
39:51
And that's can I share the story about for being late and not
39:55
being allowed to participate in the talent show and how just men
40:00
embarrassed I was that there's another moment I could share in
40:02
my life where really kind of an actually an innocent thing, but
40:05
it still impacted me. I got real sensitive to
40:08
something and and kind of led me to a place of living in such a
40:12
way to where I never wanted to disappoint people.
40:14
I, I was a people pleaser, man. I I am a recovering
40:18
perfectionist because I'm a recovering people pleaser.
40:22
It's not so much about being perfect that I wanted and
40:24
everything being neat and orderly near as much as it was
40:27
about pleasing people and appearing some way to people.
40:30
And so man, I relate in a lot of ways to King Saul in a really
40:34
unhealthy ways of my life. And and a lot of it has come
40:37
from I just know turn pattern of behavior that led me to to see
40:41
there's something underneath that.
40:43
And that all started from another moment in time.
40:45
And sometimes you can do that with a friend.
40:48
Sometimes you can do that with the Lord.
40:50
Sometimes you have to do that in therapy.
40:52
All, all of those things kind of are helpful for us, but it's
40:56
worth stopping examining our behavior and our patterns and
41:01
how we've lived that day and just getting a little curious
41:04
about why we responded or why we continue to act in that way.
41:09
And so I think that the biggest way that you begin is just by
41:12
being curious, like not writing it off as your personality.
41:15
If it's something that habitually happens, if you if
41:19
you continually and automatically feel that way
41:21
every time, why do you feel that way?
41:24
What is it about about you that's that's kind of driving
41:27
those behaviors? And a lot of time there's a vow
41:30
somewhere in there, even if like that, that moment isn't really
41:34
traumatic for us. We've kind of dealt with the
41:36
trauma of it. If we've not been able to grow
41:40
past the behavior, even though the trauma is mostly healed,
41:46
it's likely there's a vow that we've made that just keeps keeps
41:49
us tethered to it. And so when, because when you
41:51
make a vow, that's how you live. That's you're covenanted to that
41:55
thing. And that's where you have to ask
41:57
Jesus to break the vow spiritually, break the spiritual
42:01
tie to it so that you can move forward in freedom.
42:06
Here's the next question. Can insecurity actually cause
42:10
disobedience to God? In short, yes it can.
42:18
Let me say it this way, insecurity.
42:22
Often it isn't the sin itself. Insecurity isn't some some
42:29
horrid thing to God. Insecurity is just the reality
42:31
of our human condition. Insecurity is just kind of this
42:35
internal perspective about an element of our life and an
42:41
insecurity will then often push people towards image management,
42:46
control or fear based decisions which eventually override our
42:52
desire and override our pattern of living so that we become
42:58
disobedient. It's not that just because I try
43:01
to control I've now disobeyed, or just because I'm I'm afraid
43:05
of something I disobey. It's not an automatic, but over
43:09
time those things eventually override and rewrite our kind of
43:14
neurological pattern and they override who we are.
43:17
So we're even our desire, even though our desire is to follow
43:20
God, our pattern of living has shaped a different way that
43:25
eventually we we walk into. So the number of times like
43:29
you'll justify a sin and cut a corner and not live with
43:33
integrity and not tell anybody about it, the easier it is to
43:37
dead again and again and again. And that leads you to a pattern
43:39
of disobedience rather than obedience.
43:42
And so eventually, insecurities can cause us to live in
43:47
disobedience, just like we saw in King Saul's life.
43:52
Next question. What if my overcompensation has
43:55
actually made me successful? Like, like, what if I've gotten
43:59
really good at, you know, planning and preparing and it's
44:03
helped me succeed in life? Well, yeah.
44:05
I I think the first thing you have to ask yourself is success
44:09
based on whose standard or metrics you're successful.
44:13
But by whose standards? By the world's standards.
44:16
Cool. How?
44:17
How's that help your soul? How's that help your spirit?
44:21
How does that help your spiritual life?
44:22
How does that help you in the Kingdom of God?
44:25
You might be successful by the world standards, but still
44:28
heading to hell. Is that really the standard we
44:31
want to use? So, so I think that you have to
44:32
1st ask yourself what successful by what metric, by what
44:36
standard? I, I think that's the larger
44:38
question we have to ask ourselves.
44:40
But that aside, I think it is possible that we can use our
44:45
idiosyncrasies, we can use our compensating behaviors, we can
44:49
use patterns of living based on these inner vowels to become
44:54
really successful, really driven, really ambitious, really
44:58
confident in what we do that the question isn't are we becoming
45:02
successful. The question is at what cost did
45:05
that success come? So, so not only do we need to
45:08
say like success based on what standards and what metrics, but
45:12
what was the real hidden cost? See, see, you might be really
45:16
driven to make a lot of money because you never want your kids
45:20
to experience poverty like you did.
45:23
And because you're so driven and so ambitious and and you're such
45:27
a workaholic and your, your value is now tied to what you
45:31
provide for your family. It's good to provide for your
45:34
female. Please don't, don't
45:35
misunderstand, but but your value, your worth, your sense of
45:39
being is under the guise that you're successful.
45:43
You'll do whatever it takes to stay there, be there.
45:47
And what have you missed at home?
45:49
When have you checked out because you were busy on e-mail?
45:51
When you should have been having a meal with your family?
45:54
At what cost? There's always a cost.
45:58
There's always a cost to it, always a cost to it.
46:01
Friends, the question is, what's the cost with it to keep
46:05
experiencing your quote UN quote success?
46:08
I, I think it's costing us somewhere.
46:11
Let me say it this way. I use the example in the message
46:16
about how I not my desire to not disappoint or my desire to, to
46:22
always be prepared to follow through on a commitment to never
46:25
be late, right? Not be late and follow up, but
46:26
commitments. That was my, that was kind of my
46:28
vow, my oath I made to myself. The problem was I have kind of
46:33
soured relationships because I got so frustrated that somebody
46:37
was always late. I'm going to give it like I did
46:42
not accurately love them in the way of Jesus because they were
46:47
late all the time and I felt taken advantage of and I didn't
46:50
like that right? My motive was wrong.
46:55
My my judgement of them was putting myself in the seat to
47:01
where it became critical and condemning, not just awareness.
47:06
And, and so it's easy to turn these inner vowels and O's in
47:09
these ways that can help us, but at the same time, I'm, I'm
47:14
dependable. I follow through on a commitment
47:17
if I make it. There's some good things that
47:19
have come out of that in my life that have been helpful, but
47:21
those have been about me and not about other people.
47:26
So what has been? Here's the hidden cost and all
47:29
of that. I was always dependable, follow
47:31
through on my commitments, handled a lot of work, was
47:33
always on time. Here is the hidden agenda here.
47:36
Here was the cost. I often yelled at my kids
47:40
because they weren't moving fast enough to get us somewhere.
47:43
I often got frustrated. My wife who wasn't as prepared
47:45
as I wanted her to be, I tried to get.
47:48
I got frustrated with other people I worked with who weren't
47:50
as prepared and committed and worked as many hours as me.
47:54
And at the same time, I have a harder time loving people who
48:01
don't do it my way. Why?
48:03
Because I've trained myself to only love people who show up on
48:06
time and are committed like it's it's in me.
48:09
And so like I have a heart. I've had to learn how to love
48:12
people through the love of God and with the love of God rather
48:15
than what they do for me and how they perform.
48:19
And that performance metric, it's, it's come at a cost
48:22
relationally. There's always a cost to to you
48:26
overcompensating in some way. So many people are fried
48:32
internally and at times fried relationally because we've been
48:37
operating in the fight or flight protection mode.
48:40
We've redlined that for so long. Our adrenaline is so built into
48:45
always being protective of our hearts and always being
48:48
protective of of this area where we don't want to be injured.
48:51
And we're always trying to compensate for an insecurity.
48:54
And so we're redlining fight or flight so much, we're not
48:58
actually flourishing in the way of God.
49:00
We're not we're not moving in that direction.
49:02
And God wants to move us from operating only redlined out of
49:06
fight or flight, trying to protect everything in us so that
49:09
we can let our guard down. We can build trust.
49:11
We can find flourishing and hope again in in our life here.
49:16
Here's the next question. King Saul exhibited serious
49:20
issues. He was insecure, made terrible
49:22
decisions, was disobedient, jealous, selfish, fickle, and
49:25
often deranged. It's true.
49:28
What what was his worst problem though?
49:31
And what could have he had done to solve it?
49:34
Again, I think pride and its shadow self of insecurity was a
49:40
big problem. And underneath it really was
49:44
unbelief about God, an incorrect belief about God, an incorrect
49:48
belief about himself. It it, it was an incorrect, it
49:51
was an unbelief. He believed the wrong thing and
49:54
it kind of boiled down to him leading a life where he did it
49:58
on his own rather than in the Spirit.
50:01
And so he got to the point where even what God did through him,
50:04
he took as what was his. Rather than something that
50:08
belonged to God, he put his hands on something that
50:11
ultimately belonged. Only the glory alone belonged to
50:14
the Lord. And Saul took some of the glory
50:16
for himself. That's pride.
50:18
That's what the Bible calls merchandising.
50:20
That was the sin of Lucifer when he got kicked out of heaven,
50:23
according to Ezekiel, he was merchandising, taking a little
50:27
bit of glory for himself and giving most of it to God, but
50:30
kept some for himself. And so he made it.
50:33
Oh, it's about God, It's about God and God's people.
50:35
Look what God's done, but also look at how good Saul did.
50:38
So, so ultimately, I think pride or, and the shadow side of
50:42
insecurity because of an unbelief about God was his
50:46
biggest problem. And, and remember, here's what
50:48
God says. God resists the proud, but he'll
50:50
give grace to the humble. So God was looking for somebody,
50:53
a man after his own heart, which ultimately was humble, was
50:56
repentant, not perfect as we'll see with King David, but was
51:00
willing to walk a life that honored Lord and move towards
51:04
God instead of a life moving toward himself.
51:07
It was a story of pride rather than a story of humble surrender
51:12
to God. That was Saul's problem.
51:15
Here's the last question. If I recognize that someone in
51:18
my life is making decisions based on their insecurities or
51:21
based on their internal vow they they created, is it appropriate
51:25
to bring this to their attention?
51:27
And how would you suggest doing so in a loving, in a loving way?
51:32
So there's a lot of context that probably is necessary and each
51:35
each scenario is different. But let me just kind of say
51:38
this, number one, it's going to depend on the relationship, what
51:42
kind of relational equity and, and closeness I have to them.
51:46
Some people will want just straight facts, give, give it to
51:49
them straight. Others, you know, it's going to
51:52
be a bit of a landmine field that you're walking through.
51:55
And so each one is going to be different.
51:57
Ultimately, if you're close enough and they've invited you
52:01
in to speak that kind of thing to them and bring it up, then
52:06
you do it with kindness. And I would do it with
52:08
curiosity, ask them, you know, maybe, hey, why do you tend to
52:12
respond this way? I've kind of noticed this.
52:14
What what's maybe motivating that?
52:17
And I would get curious and help them get curious about examining
52:22
those things to asking some good questions to, to recognize maybe
52:26
what's what's happening. And you might sometimes have to
52:29
just be bold. Hey, listen, I think what's
52:30
really going on here is that you're bit insecure.
52:33
It looks like maybe you're, you keep struggling in the same
52:37
area. Is there, is there something
52:38
that you're trying to protect yourself from?
52:41
Like you keep being defensive every time this happens.
52:44
And I, I don't know that it's that big of a deal, but like, I,
52:46
I mean, I understand it, it would matter to you, but but it
52:49
didn't feel like it needed that level of response.
52:52
And So what, what was it that really kind of bothered bothered
52:55
you? Why, why did that sit with you
52:57
so much? And sometimes you can ask
52:59
questions and get curious to, to do that.
53:02
Ultimately, you can share what you feel like you're observing.
53:05
It's up to them to make decisions and, and choices.
53:08
So, and, and I would, as long as it can be done or, or, or it's
53:15
safe to do so. I wouldn't give an ultimatum.
53:18
In other words, if it's unsafe, if it's an unsafe relationship,
53:22
sometimes ultimatums are necessary.
53:24
But if it's safe enough relationships, we're like, hey,
53:26
listen, I'm just going to set, set this down and kind of offer
53:30
this to you. You, you can do what you want
53:32
with it, but it just seems like maybe there's something going on
53:36
here and I just wanted to bring it to your attention, let you
53:38
pray over it. Just see what God, God would
53:39
say. I, I'm not trying to force
53:41
anything here. Just just sharing some, some
53:43
observations and more than anything, and even within I
53:48
think the the only, the only relationship where I might not
53:53
like get permission first, but I would just kind of share, but do
53:56
so curiously and tenderly would be with my wife outside of that
54:00
relationship and outside of my kids relationship, even in work,
54:05
even in other places. I'm going to kind of get
54:08
permission to, to lead into a conversation like that before I
54:12
just jump in. Maybe with my staff it I would
54:16
get permission. And if I felt like it was really
54:18
necessary, I would just kind of like, Hey, listen, I want to
54:20
share some things, but here's why.
54:22
And I just affirm who they are, affirm the relationship, affirm
54:27
my commitment to them. Then I'm going to help them get
54:29
curious about some things that I'm noticing and some things
54:32
that I'm seeing and just get their perspective, allow them to
54:36
examine their own heart in that in that same way.
54:40
And sometimes there have to be boldness and you have to get a
54:42
little direct, but you can always do that with kindness.
54:45
You don't have to be in a harsh tone and never reactionary,
54:50
right? Like I'm not going to bring this
54:51
up in a reaction. I'm not going to do it in a
54:52
fight. I'm not going to throw this.
54:54
I'm like, man, sounds like you got an inner vow in order to
54:57
like somehow throw a decision in their face or try to win an
55:01
argument. That's not, that's not the time
55:04
to try to bring those things up, right?
55:08
So I, I, I would maybe use those as some guidelines and some
55:11
parameters or perspectives towards helping people grow in
55:15
that way. But, but can I just say this, I
55:17
think it's important to have the kind of relationships where
55:20
those conversations are normal and ongoing.
55:24
And anytime we discover that there's maybe an inner vow
55:28
somewhere, that there's an insecurity, that just simply
55:31
means that we've learned a behavior to navigate something
55:35
that has impacted us in a negative way.
55:38
And so kudos for us for learning how to survive.
55:43
And we can do so with love and compassion for one another,
55:47
helping each other see and grow towards God because that's
55:50
ultimately what we want. And we need the kind of
55:53
relationships to say, hey, listen, I want to grow towards
55:55
God. I want to help you grow towards
55:56
God. This is what I'm seeing.
55:57
Do you see that or are you experiencing that?
55:59
Maybe take it to the Lord and let's grow in that.
56:02
But we need those kind of relationships.
56:04
We need to be committed to those things and we need to recognize
56:07
that just because we've made an interval doesn't mean we're some
56:10
evil person. Just means that we've we, we've
56:14
made a human error. We're in a place where we're
56:17
surrender. We have to surrender that area
56:19
to the Lord. That's all it means.
56:21
We don't have to doomsday it, but we can be honest about that
56:26
and humble about those things in our own lives.
56:29
And hopefully we have people around us that will help us to
56:32
do that too. All right, Hey, well, that's
56:34
going to do it for today's episode of the Faith for Today
56:37
podcast. Thanks for sticking it through
56:38
to the end. Share this with a friend and
56:41
encourage them. Tell them what helped you, and
56:43
maybe it can help them have Faith for Today as well.
56:47
I love you, friends. I'll see you next week.