Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / Your Confidence Means Nothing Until It's Tested (S5) S35:E5 Wednesday

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Your Confidence Means Nothing Until It's Tested (S5) S35:E5 Wednesday · Inspirations for Your Life

• 0:24
  Well there, hello everyone and welcome to the
• 0:26
  ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life show.
• 0:29
  It's so great to have you here.
• 0:31
  If this is your very first time with
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  me, I want to take the opportunity to
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  say welcome and of course I want to
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  ten, a hundred, or maybe even more, or
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  maybe you've lost track of the count, that's
• 0:44
  totally okay.
• 0:45
  I'd like to take the opportunity to say
• 0:47
  thank you, welcome, but I also want to
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  say the words, welcome back.
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  Always great to have people that enjoy the
• 0:54
  quality of my content and want to keep
• 0:56
  using it to enhance the quality of their
• 0:59
  lives.
• 0:59
  So welcome everyone and yes, welcome back to
• 1:02
  the people that have been here before.
• 1:04
  Don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieved.com for
• 1:07
  more of my amazing, inspiring creations, which you
• 1:10
  can do incidentally 24 hours a day.
• 1:12
  Do that after the show is over.
• 1:14
  I have some delicious RO water.
• 1:16
  A little trick on this, put a few
• 1:18
  cubes of ice in, it really maintains the
• 1:22
  temperature.
• 1:23
  All right guys, so let's move on with
• 1:25
  the show.
• 1:25
  Are you ready?
• 1:26
  I know I am, so you can check
• 1:27
  the show out later, but let's get into
• 1:29
  the show.
• 1:31
  So your confidence means nothing until it's tested.
• 1:39
  Series five, show 35, episode five, Wednesday.
• 1:44
  Welcome to Inspirations for Your Life.
• 1:46
  I'm John C.
• 1:47
  Morley.
• 1:48
  I'm a serial entrepreneur.
• 1:50
  I'm an engineer, marketing specialist, video producer, podcast
• 1:53
  host, coach, keynote speaker, graduate student at Montclair
• 1:56
  State University, a passionate lifelong learner, and so
• 1:59
  grateful now to be a published author.
• 2:02
  Yes, very grateful for that.
• 2:04
  Our master weekly topic is become someone your
• 2:07
  future self can depend on.
• 2:09
  That's the master topic.
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  Today, I'm talking about confidence when it matters
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  most.
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  A lot of people think about confidence, but
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  I think what we're going to talk about
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  today when we say what it matters most,
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  that's the key.
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  Anyone can feel confident when everything works.
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  I think that's an important piece that most
• 2:32
  people, they don't realize it, but they have
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  to understand that.
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  But what happens when pressure rises, plans change,
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  or you make the mistake, and that's when
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  confidence gets tested?
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  Let's explore 30 ways to build confidence that
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  can survive those moments.
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  I know that sounds like a lot for
• 2:57
  many people, but I want to tell you
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  this is really, really important, guys, really, really
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  important.
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  Number one, build confidence from preparation.
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  Confidence isn't magic, guys.
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  It grows from doing the work before the
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  moment arrives.
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  Study, practice, research, and prepare when pressure hits.
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  Preparation gives you something real that you can
• 3:23
  trust in.
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  Number two, stop depending on praise to feel
• 3:28
  capable.
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  I know a lot of people that do
• 3:30
  this, and then when they don't get it,
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  they're like, oh, what was me?
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  And then they can't go anywhere, and then
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  they just kind of like lose all their
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  ambition.
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  Compliments feel good, but they can't become your
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  confidence supply.
• 3:45
  If you need approval to believe you're capable,
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  you've given other people too much control over
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  how you see yourself.
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  You're the one that should be making the
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  decisions, not other people, guys.
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  Number three, know what you can handle.
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  Confidence isn't pretending you can do everything.
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  Know your strengths, limitations, and where you need
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  help.
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  Accurate self-knowledge creates stronger confidence than pretending.
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  Many people try to pretend because they think
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  that's the right thing, but then it just
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  causes people to just be superficial.
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  I think that's an important piece, again, that
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  a lot of people, they just don't seem
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  to understand.
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  Number four, let previous challenges become evidence.
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  Remember what you've already handled.
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  Problems you once thought were enormous are now
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  part of your experience.
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  Your past challenges can become evidence that you're
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  capable of facing the next one.
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  I think that's something a lot of people
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  miss.
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  Number five, stay steady when plans change, because
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  plans are going to change, absolutely.
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  Plans change, people cancel.
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  Technology unfortunately fails sometimes.
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  Circumstances pivot or they shift.
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  Confidence means being able to say, this wasn't
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  the plan, but I can adjust.
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  I can adapt.
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  Number six, stop interpreting pressure as failure, all
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  right?
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  Pressure doesn't mean you're failing.
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  Sometimes it simply means you're doing something difficult
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  or important.
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  Don't make discomfort for inability.
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  I know so many people that do that,
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  and then they go on the woe is
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  me journey, right?
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  And the woe is me journey, oh, it
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  always happens to me, nothing good happens to
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  me, you know, those kinds of things, right?
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  I had a client the other day, it's
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  like, oh, John, everything bad always happens to
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  me.
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  I get that.
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  We got to believe good things are going
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  to happen, okay?
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  We got to believe good things are going
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  to happen.
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  That's the most important thing for us to
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  understand.
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  Number seven, give yourself time to respond.
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  Not everything requires an instant reaction.
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  Slow down.
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  You might have heard the phrase, slow down,
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  you're moving too fast.
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  You got to make the morning last, yeah.
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  Slow down and understand what happened.
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  Gather the facts and then respond.
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  A thoughtful response usually beats an emotional reaction,
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  okay?
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  Number eight, practice thinking while uncomfortable.
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  Many people stop thinking when they're uncomfortable, like,
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  oh, I don't want to do this, this
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  is uncomfortable.
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  Okay, it's uncomfortable.
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  Deal with it, all right?
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  Deal with it.
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  That's probably the most important thing that I
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  can tell you is that you need to
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  deal with it, all right?
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  You won't develop confidence under pressure by avoiding
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  discomfort.
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  Unfortunately, guys, you're not.
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  And I think that's a problem for a
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  lot of people.
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  They think that, you know, they can weasel
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  around the discomfort, you know?
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  They don't need to be discomforting.
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  But the truth of the matter is they're
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  really only fooling themselves.
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  They're fooling themselves.
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  That's an important piece, guys, very important piece.
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  Learn to think and communicate while you're nervous,
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  uncertain, or challenged.
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  Discomfort doesn't have to shut down your full
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  abilities.
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  But I know many people it does because
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  it attacks their confidence.
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  It attacks their belief.
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  It attacks emotion.
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  It attacks their substance.
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  And that attacks their credibility and their aptitude
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  to do something.
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  Number nine, don't let one mistake erase your
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  confidence.
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  Because, guys, that's important, okay?
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  You make mistakes.
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  It happens.
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  A mistake proves you made a mistake, okay?
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  It doesn't prove you're incompetent.
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  Keep the mistake in proportion.
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  Learn from it and continue, right?
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  You made a mistake.
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  Let's learn from that mistake.
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  Can we do that?
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  Let's learn from it.
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  And I think that'll make life, like, really,
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  really amazing for all of us.
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  If we could just do that one thing.
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  Number 10, separate performance from self-worth.
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  A bad performance doesn't make you a bad
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  person, guys.
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  Evaluate what happened honestly without putting your entire
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  identity on trial.
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  Fix the performance without attacking yourself.
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  Number 11, recover without dramatic self-judgment.
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  You know, they put this whole drama show
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  on.
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  Sometimes our reaction to a mistake causes more
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  damage than the mistake itself.
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  Ask what happened, what you learned, and what
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  you'll change.
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  Then move forward, okay?
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  Keep your emotions from driving every decision.
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  Fear can exaggerate risk, guys.
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  It can.
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  Anger can make temporary problems seem permanent.
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  Excitement can hide danger.
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  Feel your emotions, but keep your judgment available.
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  Number 13, build confidence behind the scenes.
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  Some of your strongest confidence gets built when
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  nobody is watching, guys.
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  Practice, study, train, ask questions, and improve.
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  Public confidence often comes from private preparation.
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  Number 14, guys, prepare before confidence is required.
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  If you prepare and have confidence ready, it's
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  going to be a lot easier to execute
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  it if you've already prepared for the confidence.
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  I think that's a big win for everybody.
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  We've got to prepare for the confidence, and
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  then you have it at your disposal to
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  use.
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  Don't wait until the presentation, the negotiation, the
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  meeting, or the crisis to say, oh my
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  gosh, I've got to prepare confidence.
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  Build the skill before you need it.
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  What are they always saying?
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  Credit.
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  You ask to borrow money when you need
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  it, you don't get it.
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  If you plan to get the money when
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  you don't need it, you'll get it.
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  Confidence becomes easier when preparation comes first.
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  But so many people, they fail to plan,
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  and thus they've directly planned to fail.
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  If you fail to plan, then you've directly
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  planned to fail.
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  Number 15, stop borrowing confidence from other people.
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  Encouragement matters, but eventually you need your own
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  evidence.
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  You need to say, I prepared.
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  I know what I know.
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  I can handle the next step.
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  That's a belief, guys.
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  That's a belief.
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  And if you cannot act on a belief,
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  you'll have problems.
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  Every thought we have becomes a reality.
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  Now, not in 24 minutes or in 24
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  hours, but it becomes that.
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  It becomes that.
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  That's important, guys.
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  It's very important to understand that.
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  That's an important thing to know.
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  Number 16, learn how you respond under stress.
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  Do you know how you respond to stress?
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  You should know.
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  Do you rush?
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  Do you freeze?
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  Do you become defensive?
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  Or better yet, do you stop listening?
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  Understanding your stress response gives you something specific
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  to improve.
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  You can't manage a pattern you never notice,
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  guys.
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  You can't.
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  Number 17, strengthen the weak points.
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  You can improve.
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  Pressure exposes weaknesses.
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  Good.
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  Now you know where improvement is needed.
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  Don't be embarrassed by useful information.
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  Turn that weakness into assignments.
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  And again, it's going to feel uncomfortable, guys.
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  It's going to feel uncomfortable.
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  I'm sorry, but it's going to feel uncomfortable.
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  And that's a real important thing for us
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  to really understand.
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  Number 18, accept what you cannot control.
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  You can prepare perfectly and still encounter surprises.
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  Control your effort, response, communication, and decisions.
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  Stop wasting energy fighting circumstances you cannot control.
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  Number 19, stay calm.
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  Enough to notice that you have options.
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  Panic creates tunnel vision.
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  Slow down and ask, what options do I
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  still have?
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  There may be another route, a resource, a
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  person, or a solution you couldn't see while
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  you were reacting.
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  Okay?
• 14:21
  Don't make fear larger than the facts.
• 14:24
  Number 20, fear fills uncertainty with worst-case
• 14:28
  scenarios.
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  And a lot of times when people do
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  this, they make the situation 10 or 100
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  times worse than what it really is.
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  That's key, guys.
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  That's key.
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  You understand that?
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  I think a lot of people don't understand
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  things day one.
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  So they exhibit stress.
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  Stress is a byproduct to help us cope
• 15:19
  with our situation.
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  But if we could learn other ways to
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  handle stress, taking a breath, enjoying a nice
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  cold sip of water, taking a walk, listening
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  to music, right?
• 15:36
  Maybe doing a craft or another exercise.
• 15:44
  Okay?
• 15:46
  Return to reality, guys.
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  What actually has happened?
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  What can you verify right now?
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  What are you assuming at this given moment?
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  Right?
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  What are you assuming?
• 15:57
  What can you do next?
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  Or can you not do anything?
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  What is it you can control?
• 16:05
  What is it you can't control?
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  So I think that's a very important piece.
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  If we can't control something, then I feel
• 16:12
  that we've got a serious problem.
• 16:20
  And this might be something you don't understand
• 16:22
  today because you've been into this capsule of
• 16:26
  stress, and you respond because that's the only
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  thing you know how to do.
• 16:32
  The body can be reprogrammed to not do
• 16:37
  those things that can damage and hurt our
• 16:39
  bodies.
• 16:43
  These are important things, guys.
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  But many of you won't acknowledge this.
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  You know why?
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  Because of this.
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  The ego.
• 16:56
  The ego gets involved and says, you know
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  what?
• 16:58
  I know what to do.
• 17:00
  And suddenly you're in this big stress ball.
• 17:05
  And it gets worse.
• 17:07
  And you don't know how to handle it.
• 17:09
  Number 21, guys.
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  Remember what you've already survived.
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  Because you've survived a lot in your life.
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  Your history contains evidence.
• 17:22
  Think about the difficult situations, the setbacks, the
• 17:25
  changes and challenges, and the problems you thought
• 17:29
  might stop you.
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  They didn't.
• 17:32
  You found a way to move forward before.
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  You'll do it again.
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  You'll do it again.
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  Have faith and belief in yourself.
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  Number 22, guys.
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  Let pressure reveal your training.
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  Because it will.
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  Pressure reveals what you've practiced when you've prepared
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  repeatedly.
• 18:00
  You have fundamentals to return to when circumstances
• 18:03
  become unfamiliar.
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  You do.
• 18:08
  But you take the time to pause about
• 18:11
  this.
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  Or you say, well, I don't know.
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  And then you get yourself into the stress
• 18:18
  boat again.
• 18:19
  All because you thought you couldn't do it.
• 18:24
  Number 23, become comfortable making adjustments.
• 18:29
  Changing the plan isn't automatically failure, guys.
• 18:33
  Sometimes adapting is exactly what competence requires.
• 18:37
  Don't continue doing something ineffective just because changing
• 18:42
  direction feels uncomfortable.
• 18:45
  Uncomfortable.
• 18:47
  Number 24, stop expecting yourself to feel fearless.
• 18:55
  You don't need to do that, guys.
• 18:58
  You can be nervous and prepared at the
• 19:02
  same time.
• 19:04
  You can be uncomfortable and capable.
• 19:07
  Confidence isn't eliminating fear.
• 19:09
  It's continuing to think responsibly while fear is
• 19:13
  present.
• 19:16
  Number 25, guys, trust preparation more than the
• 19:20
  adrenaline.
• 19:22
  So adrenaline provides temporary energy.
• 19:30
  Preparation, on the other hand, provides capability.
• 19:34
  Under pressure, return to your knowledge.
• 19:43
  Process, practice, and experience.
• 19:48
  But many people do not do this because
• 19:51
  they think they don't need to.
• 19:55
  Number 26, guys, keep your thinking available under
• 20:02
  pressure.
• 20:03
  When everyone else reacts, can you still listen,
• 20:06
  evaluate, communicate, and recognize the options before you?
• 20:10
  Maintaining your ability to think under pressure can
• 20:13
  become a tremendous advantage.
• 20:17
  Number 27, return to what you know.
• 20:20
  When everything feels chaotic, return to fundamentals.
• 20:28
  What do you know?
• 20:29
  What can you verify?
• 20:31
  What can you control?
• 20:34
  What is the next useful action?
• 20:38
  That's the game.
• 20:39
  Number 28, confidence grows from tested capability.
• 20:46
  See, this is when confidence becomes real.
• 20:52
  You prepared, you faced some difficulty or challenges,
• 20:57
  and you morphed or you adjusted, you pivoted,
• 21:01
  and then you continued on your path, right?
• 21:05
  If you're on a road and there's something
• 21:08
  in the way, you turn the wheel, you
• 21:10
  pivot your path, and you continue on your
• 21:11
  way.
• 21:12
  Now, you don't just believe you're capable.
• 21:18
  You have evidence of doing this.
• 21:20
  You've been doing it in your life your
• 21:22
  whole time.
• 21:25
  You're a resilient being.
• 21:29
  Number 29, become steadier each time you're challenged.
• 21:35
  The goal isn't eliminating pressure, guys.
• 21:38
  It's becoming better at handling it.
• 21:42
  Pressure's going to exist, but how we choose
• 21:46
  to handle it, how we choose to respond
• 21:51
  is the key.
• 21:53
  Now, we can't change others and then we're
• 21:55
  not trying to, but when we change the
• 21:57
  way we respond, other people change the way
• 22:00
  they respond too.
• 22:01
  Every challenge can teach you something about your
• 22:04
  preparation, your emotions, your judgment, and guess what?
• 22:08
  Your recovery.
• 22:10
  That's a lot, guys, but you do this
• 22:13
  subconsciously in your head.
• 22:17
  Number 30, build confidence that pressure cannot easily
• 22:24
  take away.
• 22:26
  Build confidence rooted in preparation.
• 22:31
  Confidence, experience, recovery, and evidence, that's far stronger
• 22:38
  than confidence dependent on applause or perfect conditions.
• 22:44
  You see, perfect conditions, guys, they don't exist.
• 22:48
  As I get ready to wrap this show
• 22:50
  up and close it today, here's what I
• 22:52
  want you to remember.
• 22:54
  Today, untested confidence is easy.
• 23:00
  Tested confidence is earned.
• 23:03
  You discover the strength of your confidence when
• 23:05
  something goes wrong and you can still think.
• 23:08
  When somebody questions you and you remain grounded,
• 23:12
  when the plan changes and you adjust, when
• 23:15
  you make a mistake and recover instead of
• 23:17
  allowing it to define you, yeah, you're doing
• 23:19
  it.
• 23:19
  You're winning.
• 23:20
  Pressure isn't automatically evidence that you're failing.
• 23:23
  Sometimes pressure is simply revealing what your preparation
• 23:27
  has built.
• 23:29
  Our master weekly topic for this week is
• 23:33
  become someone your future self can depend on.
• 23:36
  And your future needs more than a version
• 23:39
  of who feels confident when everything cooperates.
• 23:43
  Your future needs someone who can stay capable
• 23:46
  when it doesn't.
• 23:49
  Don't spend all your energy trying to feel
• 23:52
  confident.
• 23:54
  You'll burn out.
• 23:55
  Become prepared.
• 23:57
  Become confident.
• 23:58
  Gain experience.
• 24:00
  Study your reactions.
• 24:01
  Strengthen your weakness.
• 24:03
  Learn from mistakes.
• 24:04
  Remember what you've already overcome.
• 24:07
  Every challenge you handle gives you evidence that
• 24:10
  you can think, adapt, recover, and continue.
• 24:14
  Eventually, confidence changes from I hope I can
• 24:19
  handle this to I've been challenged before.
• 24:24
  I've learned from it and I trust myself
• 24:27
  to respond and I can do it again,
• 24:29
  again, and again.
• 24:31
  Ladies and gentlemen, you don't control every challenge.
• 24:34
  You don't control every outcome.
• 24:36
  But you can control how prepared you are
• 24:38
  when the challenge arrives.
• 24:41
  See, that is known as durable confidence.
• 24:45
  That's no smoke and mirrors here.
• 24:49
  Not believing you'll never fail.
• 24:53
  Not pretending you'll never be afraid.
• 24:57
  Not needing everyone to tell you you're capable.
• 25:02
  It's knowing that when something difficult happens, you
• 25:05
  can still think, make adjustments, learn, recover, and
• 25:10
  take the next responsible step.
• 25:12
  Ladies and gentlemen, I am John C.
• 25:15
  Moore, a serial entrepreneur.
• 25:17
  And I thank you so much for choosing
• 25:19
  to join me for another amazing episode of
• 25:22
  the Inspirations for Your Life show.
• 25:25
  Lee Schoen, prepare before you're tested.
• 25:29
  Think while you're uncomfortable.
• 25:32
  Adjust when it's necessary.
• 25:36
  And that adjustment doesn't need to be a
• 25:38
  full turn.
• 25:42
  You know, micro adjustments can be the difference
• 25:47
  in a correct blade coming out of a
• 25:50
  machine and one that's either dull or one
• 25:54
  that's too sharp.
• 25:57
  Adjust when necessary.
• 26:02
  Remember to recover when you miss.
• 26:04
  Because you will miss sometimes.
• 26:06
  Trust what you've trained yourself.
• 26:10
  And keep becoming someone your future can depend
• 26:14
  on.
• 26:15
  Now, all this sounds like a lot of
• 26:18
  great talk.
• 26:20
  It's not talk.
• 26:22
  Go back in your mind and relive the
• 26:27
  experiences of how you were resilient in a
• 26:30
  situation.
• 26:31
  How you handled it.
• 26:33
  How you didn't blow up.
• 26:34
  How you managed the team or just you
• 26:37
  in the situation.
• 26:38
  Does that make sense?
• 26:40
  I know that sounds hard.
• 26:42
  But you already have done it.
• 26:49
  And guess what, guys?
• 26:50
  You can do it again.
• 26:52
  Again.
• 26:53
  Again.
• 26:54
  Again.
• 26:54
  And again.
• 26:55
  And again.
• 26:56
  You see, ladies and gentlemen, your confidence means
• 27:02
  nothing until it's actually tested.
• 27:11
  Seems logical, doesn't it?
• 27:13
  It is.
• 27:16
  So that means we need to test.
• 27:20
  We need to build the kind that survives
• 27:24
  the test.
• 27:26
  And if the test fails, we need to
• 27:30
  go back to the drawing board with our
• 27:32
  head held high, not in our lap like,
• 27:34
  oh, whoa, it's me.
• 27:35
  No.
• 27:36
  Our head held high and retool where we're
• 27:39
  going.
• 27:41
  Not hard.
• 27:43
  Something you guys can do every single day
• 27:47
  of your life.
• 27:48
  Okay?
• 28:02
  I think that's an important piece.
• 28:09
  I think it's a very important piece for
• 28:12
  us to be acknowledging.
• 28:16
  So I'm John C.
• 28:17
  Morley, serial entrepreneur.
• 28:18
  Be sure to check out BelieveMeAchieve.com for
• 28:19
  more of my amazing, inspiring creations.
• 28:21
  Have a great one, everyone.
• 28:22
  Be well.