Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Can you go NO CONTACT with a narcissist if you live in the same house?

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Can you go NO CONTACT with a narcissist if you live in the same house? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on? Beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about can you go no contact in
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  the same household? Is that even possible?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  That's the question of the day, isn't it?
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  What kind of bear is best? No, but that is the absolute
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  question of the day. Can you go no contact in the
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  same household that you that your narcissistic partner or
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  spouse lives in or ex lives in? Is that even possible, y'all?
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  So before we dive in, make sure you check out the support groups
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  and the courses. More to come at
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  courses.mentalillness.net. Just had to plug that in there.
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  A lot of people are making great process progress in the support
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  groups called the mental healers.
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  But yeah, is that possible? So if you live with someone, you
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  know, let's say that rewinds it a little bit, if you know
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  anything about going no contact with a narcissist is right, You
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  know, no contact means no access.
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  Like if I'm going no contact with you, that means you have no
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  further access to me. There's like no contact means
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  blocking a person, no communication, not no.
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  Like when there's no back and forth like pretty much you are
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  we you don't that person doesn't exist to you, even though you
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  might still exist to them. Like they're trying, they might
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  be trying to get in contact with you, but you're not allowing any
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  type of communication to go on between you and them, between
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  you. But any type of communication
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  between you and that person is shut off.
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  It's shut down. It's been completely stifled and
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  you know, smashed, slapped back to them, right?
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  That's what happens at a lot of a lot of times in these
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  relationships, in the relationship spaces, like a lot
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  of times, like people like don't understand where no contact is
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  that a lot of people think no contact is just ignoring them.
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  Like there's a difference between no contact and just
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  ignoring and not responding to the person.
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  No contact is you like no contact.
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  If this is contact, this is you actually having access to me.
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  This is no contact. You know, I'm outside, I'm
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  outside of your wheelhouse. You look, I'm unreachable.
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  No matter how much you try to reach me, you can't get me
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  because I'm no contact. You know no contact is for you
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  is not to punish them, it's for you, right?
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  So can you do that while living in the same house or with
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  somebody? A lot of people would just say
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  no, that's impossible. So is it possible?
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  It could be now, It could be under certain circumstances.
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  Like y'all, you have enough rooms and enough space within
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  this house or within this apartment or wherever you live
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  at to go no contact to avoid the person at all costs to not be
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  able to see this person. Like you know, their schedule.
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  You come home and you leave when they're not there.
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  You don't go in the kitchen when they're in the kitchen like
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  it's, it's, it's tough to do, but you have to know, know their
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  schedule. You have to learn what they are,
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  know where they're going and things like that.
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  So they're extremely tough to do with that in mind, right?
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  It's an extremely tough thing to do trying to go no contact while
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  somebody is like, you know, pretty much can come knock on
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  your door. That's hard as hell to do Like,
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  but if you don't have like, I feel like going no contact while
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  you're in the same household with somebody, it's a tough task
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  and it's a tough goal to have. I feel like in this space right
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  here, you don't like if you have kids and y'all live together,
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  you're in the same house, y'all. It's it's, I'm not trying to be,
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  you know, the doom and gloom, but I do have to be realistic.
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  If you have children or you work together or you have businesses
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  together and things like that, like your lives are truly
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  intertwined, then it's very difficult to not talk or engage
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  or do anything with this person, right?
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  It's very difficult to try to parent this parent with this
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  person, a Co parent with this person in the same household as
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  you. That's not that you're not
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  interacting with, you know, and the kids can feel that the kids
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  understand. The kids can see that mom and
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  dad are not talking by my parents are not talking at all.
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  My parents act like each other don't exist, Especially if
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  they're older, The younger kids, they might not know, you know,
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  but older kids, 910-1112, you know, teenagers, young adults,
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  they going to know. They like, damn, yeah, it's
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  going to be a toxic household. It's very toxic, a very toxic
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  household. It was a toxic house.
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  It was a toxic household perhaps before you went no contact, but
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  now the fact that y'all not communicated at all and you've
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  cut this person off damn near completely.
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  It's is you know, it's going to be a whole another ball game, a
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  whole another space to be in and whatnot.
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  And it's very uniquely tough to experience and tough to deal
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  with when you're trying to navigate this, this journey of
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  toxic relationships, toxic narcissistic personality
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  disorder, and, you know, toxic space.
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  So if you're in the same household as you share a kid,
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  it's, it's, it's damn, it's extremely difficult.
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  I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's extremely difficult to
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  do. And it, it takes on an extra
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  burden within the household. It could be an additional
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  stressor within the household. Like there's a difference
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  between giving like them giving you the silent treatment and you
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  going completely no contact because you have to interact for
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  the kids a lot of times, especially in the same
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  household, right? Especially in the same
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  household, you have to be able to interact with the kids.
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  And like I said, you give the kids a let them see something
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  different. You know what I mean?
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  But if you don't have any kids, you live in the same household,
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  I do think it could be possible to go no contact with them
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  regardless of them trying to approach you and talk to you and
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  have conversations. You can go to your room, you can
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  sit on the couch, you can do whatever you want to do within
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  the household. It doesn't mean you have to
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  communicate or allow this person access to you or touch this
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  person or clap cheats with this person.
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  No, damn sure don't do that. But there is possible as long as
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  you have your boundaries of it's possible if you don't have this
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  super intertwined life. And also it's going to be
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  extremely difficult because you know if you're dealing with a
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  narcissist, right? A lot of times when they can see
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  that you're avoiding them or not talking to them, a lot of times
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  what they're going to do is try to intentionally trigger you.
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  They're going to try to intentionally set you up,
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  They're going to try to intentionally set you off.
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  A lot of times they're going to try to get a reaction from you.
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  So you have to be able to set boundaries and control your
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  reactions toward this person because if they notice that
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  you're not talking to them or you're not engaged with them,
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  they can intentionally start to try to set you off on purpose to
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  get their reaction because they want to.
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  They want to see if they have some type of control to you.
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  It's very difficult to do. You can set a goal.
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  My my thoughts right here. Y'all don't beat yourself up if
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  you can't go completely no contact while you're still
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  living with somebody. It's, it's hard.
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  It's a hard goal to have, I promise you.
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  I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's an extremely hard goal
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  to have to be able to try to go no contact with somebody that
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  you're actually living with and parenting with.
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  The goal should be low, low contact.
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  If you can't go no contact, the goal should be as low contact as
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  possible using like using different methods, like
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  implementing different methods of communication techniques with
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  this person, right? Using the BIFF method like low
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  contact, you can use the BIFF method while you're still in the
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  same household household with somebody if you still have to
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  communicate with them. You know what BIFF method is, is
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  BIFF brief, brief, informative, firm and friendly.
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  You know it's a communication technique designed to help you
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  deal with narcissistic people, right?
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  Brief. Keep the conversation
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  communication brief. Like informative brief, jam
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  packed like like, you know, like what's what's a superfood?
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  Like a like a avocado, They say, They say avocados are
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  superfoods, right? Brief, informative, brief and
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  jam packed, right. Firm, straight to the point,
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  though, we're not beating around the Bush and friendly, a
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  friendly tone, you know, and also a lot of a lot of us, I'll
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  say us and me included, have problems controlling our tone
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  when we, when we are talking and communicating with people that
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  we don't necessarily like, right?
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  We have a big issue of controlling our tone and our
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  communication style with the with the people that's like with
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  people that we don't like, the people we can't stand.
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  But that's where this power comes in, right?
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  Yeah, right. That's where this, this power
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  and this technique comes in. Eventually you want to be able
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  to go no contact, but you have to be able to build that no
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  contact muscle like you're building up to it.
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  Low contact, only necessary contact helps you because when
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  the time comes when you do not live with this person, will they
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  move out? You move out or whatever.
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  You get separate households or y'all quit y'all, Y'all no
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  longer work together. This person is no longer your
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  boss or this person no longer work, no longer works for you.
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  Whatever the situation is, it helps build you up to the
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  ability to go no contact because if you're only communicating
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  with them when necessary, right, then it helps you later on.
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  We don't have to communicate with them at all.
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  You can OK. And and like I say, when you
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  don't have these ties that you feel like are binding you to
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  this person, it could help you later on.
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  You know, like I say, because you want to be able to build
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  that no contact muscle by going low contact first, low contact
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  while you're living together. If like, if at all possible,
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  only necessary contact, right? But also it helps you build up
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  that no contact muscle because like I said, you want to be, you
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  want to control your emotions. You want to be able to get
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  control of your triggers. You want to or the things that
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  trigger you. You want to be able to control
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  that type of stuff. Because at the end of the day,
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  that helps benefit you. It helps, it helps you in the
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  long run to be able to control your emotions, to be able to
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  control your reactions, to be able to control a lot of the
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  things that that you feel like might be affecting you in a
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  negative way. It helps you out in the long run
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  to be able to, you know, just to, to stand pat to standing, to
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  be able to control those emotions, to control those
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  reactions and whatnot. Because you want to go do low
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  contact. Yeah, low, low contact,
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  ignoring, like ignoring when you have to and things of that
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  nature. You want to be able to do it
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  like that because at the end of the day, that absolutely,
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  absolutely, absolutely can't help you heal and it can't help
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  you grow. Anyways, y'all, thank you all
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  for tuning into another episode. Of course, like and subscribe if
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  you haven't, because we truly appreciate it.
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  You know, as always, y'all, mental illness is out.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
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  Have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 11:02
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps reach more
• 11:04
  people and click on the screen to watch another video or to
• 11:06
  browse through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 11:12
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 11:14
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.