Latest / Beyond Sovereignty / #040 - Stop Tying Your Self-Worth to Your Salon’s Performance 🚀💡

Transcript

#040 - Stop Tying Your Self-Worth to Your Salon’s Performance 🚀💡 · Beyond Sovereignty

0:00
Now the steps that I want you to take on this is reflect on who you are
0:03
beyond your role as a salon owner. 90% of people that got
0:06
into the hair and beauty industry had a low sense of self-worth. Once
0:10
you start to do this, your life and you will feel so fucking
0:13
rich. You will be rich beyond anything that you've ever
0:16
experienced. The key idea I want you to walk away from with
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this is perfectionism is not a
0:23
measure of your worth. Society has us
0:27
as entrepreneurs thinking that our success is
0:30
our identity. Welcome to Salon Temple, the revolution in the
0:33
hair and beauty industry, a space where being banked
0:37
and creating massive global impact is the new standard. I'm Blythe
0:40
Langford, and in this podcast, I'm going to share with you the
0:44
exact strategies and insights that helped me transform my
0:47
three salons into seven-figure businesses. If
0:51
you're ready to step into your power, grow your wealth, and be part
0:54
of a movement that's changing the game globally, then baby, you're in the
0:57
right place. So let's get started. I'm so excited to bring
1:00
this episode to you. Today, we are talking about the seven actionable
1:04
steps to cultivate self-worth beyond your
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salon success. What do you mean? Redefining
1:12
your value, my love. Building your
1:15
self-worth beyond your salon success. I'm bringing this
1:19
episode to you because so many salon owners come to
1:22
me and their self-worth is tied
1:25
up in the success of their salon. which is why you feel
1:29
depleted, tired, miserable, sick, sore,
1:33
and why your relationships aren't fully amazing within
1:37
yourself, your own personal relationship, because as salon owners, we
1:40
pour our hearts and our souls into our businesses. But
1:45
we get caught up in this trap and think that if
1:48
the business does well, then we're great. We're amazing. Then we're good.
1:51
We're really good But when the salon isn't doing well that
1:55
we're shit. We're bad with So
1:58
the overview of this episode is the danger of tying
2:02
self-worth to external achievements like your salon revenue, client
2:06
satisfaction, enough likes on Instagram, right?
2:10
This episode focuses on actionable steps to cultivate self-worth
2:14
rooted in who you are, not just what your business achieves.
2:18
You can exist without your business? Yes, my love. You
2:22
are not your business. Number one is understanding the
2:26
self-worth trap. Society has us as entrepreneurs
2:30
thinking that our success is our identity. So
2:34
when our business is having a lot of bills, has a
2:37
tax bill, has had a few staff members leave, that we're
2:40
a shit C-word. Right? No, babe. No.
2:45
All of those things are life. Like, it's
2:49
narcissistic to think that everything's always going
2:53
to be awesome because there's no growth in that. There's
2:56
no initiations into the next level or layer of
3:00
you. And even just this way of thinking creates so
3:03
much stress and burnout and feelings of
3:07
inadequacy when the salon underperforms. So
3:11
what I would love you to like shift in your mindset
3:15
and through this episode is recognizing that
3:19
you are inherently worthy no
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matter your accolades, the business success, the numbers at
3:26
the end of the week, the amount of likes that you have, the amount of clients that loved
3:29
your post, or the amount of staff members that you have.
3:33
Your worthiness is always
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there and all of those things are outside of
3:41
you. Your worthiness is always within you
3:44
and we're going to cultivate more of that through this episode or if
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you want to come to a retreat March, June
3:51
and September at my place. Book in,
3:55
reach out. Step number two. Recognize your
3:58
inherent value. Now, the steps that I want you to take on this is
4:02
reflect on who you are beyond your role as a salon owner. What
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are your passions, babe? What's your relationships like? What's
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your relationship like with yourself? What are your core values
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for yourself, outside of your business, for
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this world, for your family, for the relationships
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that you have? And you can be like, babe, I'm
4:23
single. I don't got nobody. Guess what? I'm
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single. I've got core values
4:30
with nature, with my animals, with my
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friends. I've got boundaries with how many times I go into town.
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I like to go into town not very often so that I
4:41
can spend more time in nature because that's the most important relationship to me. Because
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that's where I get to find all of me in each and every moment and
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come back to reminding and replenishing my
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self-worth. Now, I didn't always start off this way. Maybe I did,
4:54
but then I went on a tangent for all of my teen and twenties,
4:58
probably like you. A lot of drugs, a lot of alcohol, a lot of
5:01
repression, a lot of addiction and inadequacy. So
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I would love to give you this prompt to use weekly,
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daily, monthly, whenever you are
5:13
not feeling great, right? Or you can
5:16
reach out. I've actually got a journal that I created about this. It's pretty awesome.
5:20
Yes. If you want this journal, then comment journal in
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the notes and we will get it to you sometime.
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So ask yourself this journal prompt. Who am
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I outside of my business? What are my unique
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qualities that have got nothing to do with my business? But I'm a
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great leader. But I'm a great salon owner. But I'm a great
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therapist or hairdresser. I know, babe.
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But what are you outside of your business? Who are
5:50
you, really? Who do you want to be? We're cultivating
5:54
the new version of you. So start journaling, my
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love. Now, the key idea with this is
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that your worth is intrinsic. It
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exists regardless of what your salon achieves. So
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journal on this. I mean, when I first started doing this work
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on myself to detaching my self-worth from my salon
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success when I was about 27, I did this morning and
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night. Morning and night, I would have some questions that
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if you want my journal, you can just comment journal and I will give it to you
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for free. at the moment but in the future it
6:30
is definitely a paid book because it's freaking awesome and I've been doing it for years. So
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it will literally ask you these questions morning and night that you can start to
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detach your self-worth from your salon's worth and
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really start to reclaim your independence, your
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self-worth, your self-love, your self-esteem, your self-care, all
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of it, okay. Now step two, right,
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step two is to detach from external validations. But
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my whole world is about external validations. If
6:59
I'm not skinny enough or pretty enough, if my bum doesn't look big
7:03
in these jeans, then I'm winning! I'm winning, Blithe! If I've got
7:06
enough sunglasses, enough designer sunglasses, enough designer suitcases,
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enough designer handbags, enough designer cars, then
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I'm successful and worthy. Oh,
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babe. Oh. No, it doesn't work that
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way. That means that your self-worth is caught up on the outside
7:23
world with all of the things and stuff. And
7:27
that without all of them, if they were stripped away from you. But babe, I'm here to
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tell you, you're everything without those things. Those things mean fuck
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all. It's nice to have them. I'm not saying don't have them. I'm just saying, know
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that you are a rich son of a bitch without any of those things.
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You are priceless. Whether you've got a Lamborghini or
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a Lima. I don't know. Whatever it is, you
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are worthy. So stop seeking validation from outside
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sources. Because yes, your client's feedback is important. Yes,
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the revenue is important. Yes, social media likes might
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be important to you. But you know what? At the end
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of the day, if you're not getting those things or if you're not checking
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your phone, I don't want you to rely on getting dopamine from
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these things because that's what you're doing. You are literally a junkie
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to all of these things. And I do not want that
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for your soul and your spirit because, babe, addiction
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in all of its forms is shithouse and it requires rehab.
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And I don't want you to need rehab from your salon. Although
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I run a retreat space three times a year that is for salon owners
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that need to come back to nature and get off all the devices for
8:37
a little while and learn how to come back to their innate self-worth, I
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want you to be able to cultivate this in each and every day. So, Replace
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external validation with internal practices. Celebrate
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the smallest of wins that have got nothing to do with your salon.
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It could be reflecting on your personal growth. It could be setting
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self-comparison goals that are just
9:00
yours. How do you compare yourself from yourself 10 years ago,
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five days ago, to now? And where do you want to go to in the future? And
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celebrating yourself on all of these key
9:11
points along your journey. And the key thing I want you to
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take away from all of this is shifting from the
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mindset of, what do others think about me, to how do I feel about
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myself? Most important question that
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you should embody for the rest of your life. Now, step number
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three is build a life outside of your salon. Now
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I know that so many salon owners are like, no.
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Just know, when I'm outside of my salon, all I want to do
9:39
is watch Netflix, drink wine and sleep. Because I'm
9:42
a tired, miserable motherfucker. You are dependent on
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your salon. Which means that your salon
9:50
and you have a codependent relationship. One of you is a narcissist. I'm
9:54
not going to say which one because I don't really know. But it's up to you to
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figure out that you can have a life outside
10:01
of your salon. Blithe, I don't even know where to start. I don't
10:04
know what to do. Okay, so what I did back in the day
10:07
when I realized I had a codependent relationship with my salon, that I
10:11
was a junkie to that bitch. that I
10:14
was obsessed with my salon so much, could
10:18
not spend a day without talking about, thinking about,
10:22
getting onto the back end and checking the bookings and checking
10:26
all of the things, right, that I realised that I had an addiction to my salon. And
10:30
I needed to create hobbies and friendships and
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time away from my salon to actually discover who
10:37
I was. Yes, I got into all the woo-woo shit. That's when I got into yoga.
10:41
It's when I got into meditation. But it's also when I got into kayaking. It's
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when I got into rock climbing. It's when I got into more travel.
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It's where I got into really figuring out
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what fucking turned my soul on. Not my
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downstairs regions, my soul. You know what turns my
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soul on the most? And I would invite you to
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really start to evaluate your life. And you
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could be like, oh my gosh, there's nothing more soul nourishing than
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being with my family. And I
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half believe you. Because you're also in the hair and
11:15
beauty industry as I was and I am for the last 30 years.
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And we listen to our clients bitch and whinge about their families each
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and every day. It's part of the reason why I chose not to have children. So,
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I'm not talking about that. I'm talking actually about the things that
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nourish you wholeheartedly that you aren't doing
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because going out for dinner and watching Netflix, they
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are not hobbies that nourish your soul. They
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are things that your body actually needs food to live and
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Netflix is just rotting your brain. I'm talking about soul
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nourishing, rejuvenating yourself at the deepest possible
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layers and levels. And if you've never experienced that, then
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I would invite you and encourage you to do different things, preferably
12:03
in nature, preferably where you don't need a device, preferably where
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you're not going to put makeup on that day, so that you can actually discover who
12:10
you are. So yes, kayaking, canoeing, going
12:14
to the beach, learning to surf, going to dodgem
12:18
cars, I love dodgem cars, going to go-karting, going
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to like things that are going to really inspire you. And I'm not talking just
12:24
about jumping out of planes, high adrenaline activities, because
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that is also an unhealed wound within us. I'm
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talking about soul nourishing things where you don't nearly need to die in
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order to experience pleasure. I'm talking about how can
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you cultivate more pleasure in your each and every day, week,
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life, so that eventually it becomes your default that
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a life of pleasure and a life of soul nourishment is your
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each and every day. Like, when I first got into this, I
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was all about creating a retreat lifestyle, right? Now
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I live in a retreat centre. It's fucking cool. Do you want
13:00
to come? It's pretty awesome here. I can take you to the rainforest. We're
13:04
inside filming today because it's flooding. But that doesn't mean I haven't run through
13:07
the bush and gone and like been in a rainforest waterfall because
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I have. So these are invitations for you to go
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and find what turns you on the most, what lights
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up your soul. And a well-rounded life
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creates strong foundations for self-worth and
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epic entrepreneurial skills. Step four is
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embrace your imperfections and your failures. Babe,
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your imperfections are your initiations into
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the next stages of your life. They are your rites
13:39
of passage. They are necessary for you to become the
13:42
person that you want to be. Because believe me, if each and
13:46
every day was fluffy and light and we all rode unicorns across
13:49
rainbows, There would never be self-growth. You
13:53
would never go to that next level. You would stay stagnant and
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stuck playing with your My Little Ponies,
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okay? We all had My Little Ponies when we grew up. Well, if you're in my area,
14:04
you did. But it's time for us to really embrace our
14:07
failures as learning opportunities. This is
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the most important reframe you can ever have. If
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you feel like something is going wrong in your life or something
14:18
isn't right in your salon, then I want you to see this
14:21
as like you can get to become like a target focused.
14:25
This is an area to opportunity for growth. This is an opportunity for growth. This
14:29
is an opportunity for growth. This is an opportunity for growth. This is an
14:32
opportunity for me to initiate myself into the next stage of my
14:36
entrepreneurial journey. Because once you do this, you'll also
14:39
start to realise that you will be practising self-forgiveness and
14:43
you will be avoiding comparing yourself to
14:47
others on their journey. Because it's all about your journey.
14:50
Just like any Olympic swimmer, their coach is always
14:54
saying, stick to your lane, stick to your lane, look what's ahead, look what's ahead.
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You don't need to see what they're doing. Fuck those seabangers. You
15:01
just need to stay clear on your path. and then you
15:04
will remember what it is that you are here to do. And you can be like, well,
15:07
I don't want to stay up to date with upcoming trends, they're boring. Great!
15:11
Stay up to date with what you want to stay up to date with, what inspires you
15:15
the most, because guess what? You will attract the clients that are interested
15:18
in the same things that you're interested in, and they will never leave you
15:21
because you are at the forefront, staying in your own lane, baby! Swimming that lane!
15:25
You've got it. The key idea I want you to walk away from with this
15:29
is perfectionism is not a measure
15:32
of your worth. Now step five is set personal
15:36
goals that separate yourself from your business goals. Now
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what I mean by this is take actionable steps to create
15:44
a vision board, to create a journal, a process, aspirations
15:48
that are for your health, for travel, for relationships, your
15:52
hobbies, the things that really you
15:56
find yummy, right? And then celebrate the
15:59
non-business achievements that you've created in these areas, maybe such
16:03
as losing 10 kilos, becoming really fit, coming
16:07
to cycle the Swiss Alps with Blythe. That would be
16:11
awesome, wouldn't it? Come on, you lazy cunts, get fit. fucking fit
16:14
so we can go and do cool shit together, okay? Learning
16:18
new skills. These are really the
16:21
ways that I would love you to diversify your goals and
16:25
keeping them identified for being solely yours
16:28
rather than solely tying your worthiness up to your business. Because
16:32
once you start to do this, Your life and you will feel so fucking
16:36
rich. You will be rich beyond anything that you've ever
16:39
experienced. Being able to be fit enough to cycle
16:43
the Swiss Alps or being able to be confident enough to
16:47
be able to stand on the Hair Expo stage talking about
16:50
your amazing abilities and gifts or being able to climb
16:55
Mount Everest, whatever it is, babe. But being able
16:58
to go back to take that to your team or your staff or your partner and
17:02
say, That's pretty cool, isn't it? Pretty
17:05
cool. I'm fucking cheering myself on
17:08
here. I'm so happy about that. So see
17:12
how you can make your life so rich by
17:15
taking your challenges and turning them into your
17:19
initiations. Step six is practice gratitude
17:23
and self-compassion. Yummy,
17:27
yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. How do we do that, Blythe? Well,
17:31
I can give you tips that you can do and I'm going to give you tips that I do. Begin
17:35
with a daily gratitude practice, focusing on personal
17:39
experiences, personal qualities, personal things about you and
17:43
your life that you're really grateful for.
17:47
Now, when people first start this off, it can be really challenging
17:51
because you cannot figure out anything that you're grateful
17:55
for. So this is how I started. I'm grateful for having running
17:58
water in my house. I'm grateful that I get
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to eat food every day. I'm grateful that I have
18:05
a body. I'm grateful that I was born in this century.
18:09
I'm grateful that I have some friends. Whether they're good or not is questionable, but
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I'm grateful for those things, right? And then once you start
18:16
doing these things each and every day, it becomes I
18:22
can't explain. I am going to try and
18:26
explain what it turns into. For me, this is how I turn myself
18:29
on every day. I, in my meditations, am sitting there just so
18:32
fucking grateful. Sometimes I am like crying in
18:36
bliss and joy because I am purely surrendering into
18:39
the love that is within my body, that is innately around me,
18:42
that is absolutely everywhere. And I am just like, mwah!
18:47
Baby Jesus, Buddha, whoever you believe in, I am fully enlightened in
18:50
that moment connected to Source, Consciousness, the Universe, whatever it
18:53
is that you believe in, put your word there. Higher Self, whatever. So
18:57
a way that you can start to do this every day is
19:01
affirmations. I am enough just as
19:05
I am. I am a magical creator being.
19:10
I am innately worthy in every moment. There were three different
19:13
ones. So whatever one you love, I
19:16
am worthy in every moment. I
19:20
love myself, my life, my body. I
19:23
am one magic motherfucker. Whatever it
19:26
is, whatever it is that you would love to focus
19:30
on creating more of in your life, then start to create affirmations around
19:34
it. But it's one thing to say it up here, see if you can drop
19:37
into your heart and you can feel it. So dropping into your body
19:40
and being like, I am so worthy of love.
19:45
I am so abundant. I don't even
19:48
like that word, it doesn't really resonate in my body, but because
19:52
like, We're all so abundant. Every cell on my body is abundance.
19:56
Like, I don't even get sick anymore. Anyway, you know what I mean?
19:59
Like, what is it that you really want to attract into your life? I
20:02
have the most self-esteem that I've ever had in my entire life. Whatever
20:05
it is. figure out your affirmations
20:10
and you can have one for a week and really just every single
20:13
day when something challenging comes up come back to your affirmation, I've
20:17
got this, I am innately worthy, I am innately worthy, I'm innately
20:21
worthy, I have got this. You know whatever it is come
20:25
back to your affirmations and they really do help. Guess what, yes
20:28
they are in that journal I created, it's a fucking epic journal if you want it. pop
20:32
it in the notes. A key idea is that gratitude and
20:35
self-compassion reinforce positive sense
20:39
of self, self-worth, self-esteem. And
20:43
I can pretty much guarantee that 90% of
20:47
people that got into the hair and beauty industry had a low sense of
20:50
self-worth. How do you know that, Blythe? 30 years
20:55
of talking to thousands, hundreds of thousands of
20:58
salon owners and we had half a
21:01
million clients come through my salons. So I've spoken to
21:05
a lot of people and believe me, 99.9% of
21:10
us feel innately unworthy. So if
21:13
you give yourself those affirmations daily, it will
21:17
change your life forever. Step number seven, the final step.
21:21
Number seven, surround yourself with supportive people. Oh
21:24
my gosh, where are they? I don't know who they are, Blithe,
21:28
where are they? Babe, it's up to you to build a network of
21:31
friends, mentors and coaches who uplift you and support your
21:34
growth. Avoid relationships that solely focus on
21:38
your business's success or competition. If
21:43
your friends are all about, oh my god babe, like you're getting
21:47
wrinkles, when are you going to get your Botox done? oh my god babe
21:50
your regrowth is so bad like seriously fuck that
21:54
you look so ugly oh my god babe i can see your muffin
21:57
top why don't you like get liposuction already babe
22:01
is that the place you went to on holidays that is so shit how could you even get
22:04
instagram photos there if you're surrounding yourself with those kind of people or listening
22:08
to those kind of people guess what chances are you feel fucking
22:11
depressed and guess what chances are if you stop listening
22:15
to those people Like that, your self-worth and
22:18
your depression will start to go away. Blythe, I don't even believe you.
22:22
Well, you know what? When I stopped watching TV, yes, I
22:26
am that weirdo that stopped watching TV and Netflix. Guess when I did
22:29
that? 15 years ago. When did you
22:33
stop getting depression? 15 years ago! Do you
22:36
think that stop watching TV and Netflix totally got
22:39
rid of your depression and your lack of self-worth and self-esteem? Babe,
22:45
I do. I 100% do. Because I
22:48
started watching TV again for a really... dumb
22:52
reason and I got really depressed. Didn't
22:55
even take that long, just like a week. A week of watching
22:59
Netflix made me depressed and I can guarantee you and
23:02
so many people out there if they all put their Netflix away, their depression will
23:05
probably go away and their self-worth would probably 20x at
23:10
least in a week. So the conclusion for
23:13
this entire episode and the key takeaways For
23:18
you are. Self-worth is rooted in who you are.
23:21
It's not rooted in what you achieve, babe. And
23:25
these seven steps help you cultivate a stronger sense
23:29
of identity and fulfillment outside of your salon.
23:34
And my call to action for you is start with
23:37
one step today. What step can you implement
23:41
that you need the most? Start with that one thing today. Reflect
23:45
on your innate value. Schedule time for a personal goal.
23:49
or reach out to someone who reminds you of how worthy you are.
23:53
You're more than a salon owner, you're a whole person that
23:56
is deserving of unconditional love and unconditional
24:00
self-worth and all of these steps will just help you rediscover
24:04
who you are and who you are outside of your salon
24:08
and it will inspire richness within each and every day
24:12
of your life that will turn you on, that will turn on
24:15
your family, well that sounds wrong, maybe just your partner, that will inspire
24:19
your staff, that will inspire your kids, that will help you be a
24:22
magnet for all the things that you really want in your life. And
24:26
if you don't know really where to start, then reach out, because
24:29
this is the work that I have been doing for 20 plus years, and
24:33
I love helping my clients discover
24:37
their innate self-worth. So please, reach out.
24:40
I got you, babe. You don't have to do this alone. Really, you
24:44
do not have to do this alone. I got you. I can't wait
24:47
to hear from you. I hope you enjoy this episode. Pop in the notes below
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if you want the guide or pop in the notes below what it is that you
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would love for you and your self-worth. I'd
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be like just stoked to hear about it. So have
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a beautiful week, day, night. I love you so much. Cultivate self-worth,
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radical self-worth in your life, my love. If this episode spoke
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