Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 280. Turning the Page: Les Alfred of 'Balanced Black Girl' On Why She's Not Setting Goals for 2024

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280. Turning the Page: Les Alfred of 'Balanced Black Girl' On Why She's Not Setting Goals for 2024 · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

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  Speaker 1: In so many situations, especially hurdles and challenges, there's often
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  Speaker 1: a lesson there, and I find that when I keep
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  Speaker 1: running up against the same thing over and over, it's
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  Speaker 1: because there's something about the lesson that I'm not getting.
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  Speaker 1: And I think when we embrace the lessons, we do
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  Speaker 1: embrace our humanity. It's not about being perfect and doing
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  Speaker 1: the right thing all the time, but it's about Okay,
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  Speaker 1: how can I shorten this learning curve a little bit?
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  Speaker 2: Hey everyone, Emily Abadi here. You are listening to episode
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  Speaker 2: two hundred and eighty of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast
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  Speaker 2: where I talk to inspirational people about everything from their
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  Speaker 2: highest ties and toughest moments to essential tips on how
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  Speaker 2: to live a healthier, happier, more motivated life. We all
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  Speaker 2: go through our fair share of hurdles. My goal through
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  Speaker 2: these discussions is to empower you to better navigate yours
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  Speaker 2: and move with intention so that you can stride towards
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  Speaker 2: your own big potential and of course have some fun
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  Speaker 2: along the way. Happy New Year everyone. I loved starting
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  Speaker 2: things off with bringing you the first installment of this
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  Speaker 2: week's Turning the Page series Yesterday with Britney de Walter,
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  Speaker 2: For those that may just be tuning in, welcome, let
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  Speaker 2: me tell you about what Turning the Page is about.
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  Speaker 2: In this series, they sit back down with some of
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  Speaker 2: the Hurdler's favorite guests to chat about what lessons they're
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  Speaker 2: bringing with them from twenty twenty three into the new year.
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  Speaker 2: Each guest gives highlights from their past three sixty five
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  Speaker 2: and offers up what worked, what didn't, and what they're
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  Speaker 2: focusing their energy on heading into the next twelve months.
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  Speaker 2: I am amped to bring my dear friend Les Alfred,
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  Speaker 2: host of the Balanced Black Girl podcast, to the show today.
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  Speaker 2: Straight up, this conversation is an entire vibe. It's I
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  Speaker 2: love when we were talking about this when we were
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  Speaker 2: done recording. I love chatting with people that I admire
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  Speaker 2: who I've never actually met before.
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  Speaker 3: But there is something so fun about chatting.
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  Speaker 2: It up about the year that was with one of
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  Speaker 2: your girlfriends, especially when your friend is as wise and
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  Speaker 2: well read and down to earth as mine. Is so
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  Speaker 2: much goodness in this conversation, ranging from a reframe on
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  Speaker 2: how to think about your goals and setting goals in
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  Speaker 2: the new year, and I particularly loved less getting really
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  Speaker 2: honest and open about the major changes she made in
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  Speaker 2: twenty twenty three, including a cross country move and leaving
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  Speaker 2: her in house job, both topics that I often get
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  Speaker 2: messages from you all about. So turn up the volume
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: listen in this one, like I said, is a goodie.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Make sure you're following along with Hurdle over on social.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: We've got a lot of exciting stuff happening over there
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  Speaker 2: with the rebrand the relaunch of the show, So please engage,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: like share it in your stories with your friends everywhere.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: It means the world.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Also follow me over at Emily a Body and I
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  Speaker 2: touted this the other day. But if you're not yet
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: a member of the Secret Hurdler's Facebook group, that's obviously
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: not so secret. I encourage you to click on over
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: to the show notes and get involved. We are going
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: to be turning up the volume in there as well,
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  Speaker 2: posting a lot more regularly, and I would love to
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  Speaker 2: open that community up to the Hurdlers as a place
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  Speaker 2: to interact, swap stories, gain knowledge from one another, and
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: really just come together in community. And with that, let's
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: get to it. Let's get to hurdling.
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  Speaker 3: Today.
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  Speaker 2: I'm sitting down with Les Alfred. She is the host
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  Speaker 2: of Balanced Black Girl, a dear friend of mine, How
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  Speaker 2: are you doing today?
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  Speaker 4: I'm good. I'm so happy to be here.
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  Speaker 2: I'm so happy you're here because you're officially a New
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  Speaker 2: Yorker now. I am so what just happened in like
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  Speaker 2: the time of us getting to know each other?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah?
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  Speaker 3: Is that wild?
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  Speaker 4: Absolutely wild?
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I think the last time I was on
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  Speaker 1: the show was maybe like two years ago, and I
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  Speaker 1: think that was like around the time we kind of
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  Speaker 1: connected and how drastically different my life is now versus men, which.
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  Speaker 2: Was a really big reason why I wanted you specifically
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  Speaker 2: to be a part of this series, not only because
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  Speaker 2: I like to mix.
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  Speaker 3: Up where the areas.
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  Speaker 2: Of wellness people are coming into the mix from, but
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  Speaker 2: because you have had such a monumental year changing coasts, leaving.
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  Speaker 3: Your job, and we're going to get into it today.
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  Speaker 4: It's going to do all of it. I'm excited.
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  Speaker 3: How are you feeling right now?
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  Speaker 4: I'm feeling really good.
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  Speaker 1: You know, today is the first day that I felt
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  Speaker 1: like it's kind of my new normal. It's been the
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  Speaker 1: first day that I had kind of a work day,
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  Speaker 1: like a normal work day, working for myself in my
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  Speaker 1: new apartment here in New York. It was kind of
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  Speaker 1: my first like normal day, and I had a blast.
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  Speaker 1: It's been a really fun day.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, full disclosure, we're recording this during the black
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  Speaker 2: hole of time that is the week between Christmas and
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  Speaker 2: New Year's. So the fact that you can say I
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  Speaker 2: had a normal work day to day when most people
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: don't know what DAT is and many aren't working. Who
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  Speaker 2: knows to you for really understanding that, yeah, this is
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  Speaker 2: going to be how.
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  Speaker 3: It is now?
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  Speaker 2: How does it feel showing up and working for yourself
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  Speaker 2: instead of working for someone else?
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  Speaker 1: It has felt, at least I mean today, because day one,
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  Speaker 1: it's been all of kind of one day. It's felt
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  Speaker 1: really spacious, which I enjoy. I mean a lot of
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  Speaker 1: it was kind of admin work. I created some content,
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  Speaker 1: but I was able to do so without rushing or
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  Speaker 1: without worrying about Okay, have I been away from my
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  Speaker 1: computer for too long? Or I needed to run a
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  Speaker 1: few errands in the middle of the day, and being
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  Speaker 1: able to do that freely.
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  Speaker 4: It has just flowed so nicely.
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  Speaker 2: Did you have a hunch before you took this leap
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  Speaker 2: of leaving your full time job to work on the
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  Speaker 2: podcast and also the other areas of your interests that
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  Speaker 2: this would be a lifestyle that suited you. Did you
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  Speaker 2: have concerns about that?
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  Speaker 4: No?
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  Speaker 1: I honestly always felt like this is the lifestyle that
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  Speaker 1: suited me better. And I was constantly struggling in corporate
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  Speaker 1: to make that fit and to make that work, and
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  Speaker 1: I never you know, I guess I've thirteen years into
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  Speaker 1: my career, corporate career now. It never worked, it never fit.
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  Speaker 1: It was thirteen years of just constant friction. This actually
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  Speaker 1: feels a lot better. And I had a suspicion that.
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  Speaker 3: Would be the case.
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  Speaker 2: I'm sure there are people listening to this who wonder
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  Speaker 2: if an entrepreneurial lifestyle would be in alignment for them.
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  Speaker 2: For those individuals, is there any self enquiry that you
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  Speaker 2: would recommend to them so that they could work on
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  Speaker 2: that decision.
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  Speaker 1: I think it depends on where your motivation comes from.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've read the book The Four
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  Speaker 1: Tendencies by Gretchen, It's like a classic. I'm a textbook upholder,
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  Speaker 1: Like when I make a commitment to myself to do it,
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  Speaker 1: I do it. I think that's why things like fitness
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  Speaker 1: and wellness I've had a knack for it, because when
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  Speaker 1: I make those commitments to myself. It's easy for me
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  Speaker 1: to follow through. Me making a commitment to myself is enough.
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  Speaker 1: I don't really need external forces to do that. So
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  Speaker 1: I think entrepreneurship is well suited for people like that
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  Speaker 1: who can intrinsically create that motivation within themselves. Certainly not
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  Speaker 1: impossible for people who need external motivation. But you may
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  Speaker 1: need to set up some checks and balances for yourself
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  Speaker 1: if you find that being accountable to other people is
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  Speaker 1: something you need to get up and get moving.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and something I say to individuals who ask me
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  Speaker 2: about this lifestyle is that there's nothing wrong if you
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  Speaker 2: get to a place or a realization that maybe it's
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  Speaker 2: not suited for the type of person that you are. Totally,
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  Speaker 2: I do truly believe that if you put your mind
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  Speaker 2: to anything, that there is capability there. But that doesn't
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  Speaker 2: mean that capability for all will feel the same. You
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  Speaker 2: want to feel confident in your day to day. You
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  Speaker 2: want to feel capable in your day to day and
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  Speaker 2: constantly feeling like your legs are spinning under you like
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  Speaker 2: your sonic the hedgehog.
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  Speaker 3: That might not be the way that you want to
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  Speaker 3: live your life.
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  Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, And I think that entrepreneurship can look really different.
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  Speaker 1: Like I have a friend who is a career entrepreneur,
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  Speaker 1: and she's so talented at it, at working within companies
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  Speaker 1: and starting her own little businesses and entities within the companies.
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  Speaker 1: She's worked that, She's done it at multiple companies. Now
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  Speaker 1: it's her knack. She's great at it. So I think
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  Speaker 1: for people who maybe have a little bit of an
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  Speaker 1: entrepreneurial spirit but need a little bit more structure, just
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  Speaker 1: need something to look different, there's so many ways to
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  Speaker 1: go about it. It doesn't have to be solely running
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  Speaker 1: your own business in a certain way.
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  Speaker 2: Raise your hand if this is the first time that
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  Speaker 2: you've ever heard the term entrepreneur.
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  Speaker 3: It's me.
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  Speaker 2: I've never heard that before. An interesting term, but I
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  Speaker 2: guess it makes sense.
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  Speaker 3: That's awesome, it's really cool. She must be really interesting
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  Speaker 3: to learn from.
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  Speaker 4: She is oh Soper smart.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, so we are here now to sit and talk
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  Speaker 2: about your twenty twenty three or at the top of
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  Speaker 2: twenty twenty four. I like many, listen to your Goals
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: review podcast. I will link it in the show notes
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: to this episode. But before we dive into grilling you
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: on your thoughts on twenty twenty three. I think we
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: should set this up with the pretense that you accomplish
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  Speaker 2: none of your goals. Yes, I want my whole audience
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  Speaker 2: to hear that again, less accomplished none of the goals
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  Speaker 2: that she set out for herself in twenty twenty three.
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  Speaker 3: How does that make you feel?
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  Speaker 4: Correct? I feel a lot of peace with it.
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  Speaker 3: I love that.
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  Speaker 1: I will add the additional context. But it's a really
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  Speaker 1: big contrast from my twenty twenty two where I reached
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  Speaker 1: a bunch of my personal goals. From one year to
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  Speaker 1: the next, it was like this big pendulum swing, which
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  Speaker 1: was why me not reaching my goals this year was
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  Speaker 1: such a jarring experience coming off of so many wins
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  Speaker 1: the year before.
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  Speaker 2: Entirely understandable, and you had a really big realization when
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  Speaker 2: you were looking back to see what you had set
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: out to do versus what you actually accomplished, that a
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  Speaker 2: lot of these goals weren't necessarily achievable.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: Talk to me a little bit about that.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, they weren't necessarily achievable one year goals. A
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: lot of the goals that I set for myself were
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: building off of things that I achieved in twenty twenty two,
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  Speaker 1: and I didn't really take into account that a lot
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: of the things that I achieved in twenty twenty two
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  Speaker 1: took me way before twenty twenty two to do them.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I'd been working towards them for years. Twenty twenty two
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  Speaker 1: was when a lot of them came to fruition. So
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  Speaker 1: I thought that because I'd achieved those things, I could
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: kind of pack five years worth of work into a
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  Speaker 1: year and also still travel and have a life and
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: do alop with personal discovery. And I quickly learned that
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  Speaker 1: that math doesn't math.
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  Speaker 3: It doesn't map like that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, But in that process of also doing things that
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: were important to you, like incorporating more travel, as we
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: mentioned a cross country move, what did you learn?
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  Speaker 1: I learned that I'm so much more flexible and adaptable
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  Speaker 1: than I ever gave myself credit for. I have absolutely
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: had periods in my life where I was very rigid
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: and very strict with myself, kind of going back to
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  Speaker 1: that upholder mentality where I would have thought if I
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: was in a changing environment or if I was off
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  Speaker 1: of my routine, that I would tail spin. And what
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: I found was that I kind of threw my routines
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: out of the window, and I did not tail spin.
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  Speaker 1: I adapted and I grew and I learned a lot,
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  Speaker 1: and I had a lot of fun and enjoyed those experiences.
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  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that I just go off the rails
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  Speaker 1: and like don't have any routines anymore. But I learned
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  Speaker 1: that I can be a lot more flexible than I
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  Speaker 1: ever gave myself credit for.
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  Speaker 2: And how valuable is it to get to a place
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  Speaker 2: where you understand that there's power in the pivot right,
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  Speaker 2: that you understand that just because a routine served you
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  Speaker 2: a year, two year, three years ago, no matter how
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: long you upheld that routine, that doesn't mean that it
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  Speaker 2: needs to be a routine that's in your life forever.
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  Speaker 2: I would liken this to perhaps the different ways that
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: someone could journal. Right, It's so simple someone says I
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: like to journal, But there are so many different ways
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  Speaker 2: that that could look. And for one year, maybe journaling
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  Speaker 2: is writing a page in the morning and at the
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  Speaker 2: end you're writing something you're grateful for. Versus the next year,
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: maybe journaling that feels right for you is just writing
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  Speaker 2: two good things that happened to you in the past
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  Speaker 2: twenty four hours. There's not one right way to journal.
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  Speaker 2: But there is a way that feels right for you,
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: and that method. Doing what feels right for you, not
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  Speaker 2: what feels right for somebody else is what's going to
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  Speaker 2: be the thing that stick with.
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: Oh Amen's sister's sermon.
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  Speaker 2: Amen, Okay. Theme of the year, Theme of the year
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  Speaker 2: for twenty twenty three for you less?
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  Speaker 3: What would it be?
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  Speaker 4: Elevate?
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  Speaker 1: So I really want to have elevation in many areas
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  Speaker 1: of my life and kind of raise my expectations of
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  Speaker 1: myself and give myself a chance to rise to the occasion.
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  Speaker 2: Raise my expectations for myself. Talk to me about why
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  Speaker 2: that's important to you.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think because it can be really tempting to
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: get complacent, and especially being in my thirties, and I
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: don't know if maybe you've felt this way as well.
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  Speaker 1: We can kind of reach this point in adulthood where
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  Speaker 1: we're like, right, this is who I am, this is
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  Speaker 1: how I am, and in some ways that's great. I
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: don't think any of us need to fundamentally change who
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: we are, but we can always still learn and adapt
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: and find new ways to grow. I don't want to
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: be the same person at fifty four that I am
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: at thirty four and so constantly make sure that I'm
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: a student in all areas and I'm always willing to
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: learn and grow and accept feedback is important.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, this reminds me of what I started twenty three with,
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  Speaker 2: which was the concept of good to great. I was
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: so determined to get out of these phases, situationships of complacency,
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  Speaker 2: as you said so beautifully, and really strive to that
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  Speaker 2: next level, knowing that for a long time I wasn't
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  Speaker 2: necessarily going after my whole potential twofold one, because there
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: were moments over that previous year that I felt truly
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: incapable of going after it. But that's an entirely other story.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: And then the second thing was that it was just
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: so easy not to I was doing more than fine
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: in many different aspects of my life by not reaching
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: for great. And what I learned over this past year,
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: if we're going to talk a little bit about our goals,
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: is that I all so was setting like really great
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: goals and there's nothing wrong with those goals, but there's
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: also nothing wrong with the fact that like there just
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: didn't happen yet, And that doesn't mean that they'll never happen.
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  Speaker 3: But I totally hear you with this word elevate.
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  Speaker 2: It's like, okay, now, like now that we're here, what
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: can we do with what we have? What's the best
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: that we can do with what we have? And I
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: think that's really all that we owe it to ourselves?
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: Oh?
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, it's the Maya Angelou quote. My mom used to
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: always say it to me all the time growing up.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: When you know better, you do better, and so like
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I've been knowing better for a while, it's time to
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: do better.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to give some love
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: to the two sponsors that make this week's turning the
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  Speaker 2: Use code Hurdle one five at checkout to get a
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: discount today. I hear you say that as well, and
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: it brings about this thought that it's a balancing act.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: It's like you know better and you want to do better,
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: but then we also approach this hurdle, which is I
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: also want to have grease with myself, And then you
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: have moments where it's like, yes, I need to have
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: grace with myself and I still know that I can
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: do better, right, And I think that that is often
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: a butting situation for me.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: How do you feel about that?
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I take it as am I learning
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: the lesson? In so many situations, especially hurdles and challenges,
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: there's often a lesson there, and I find that when
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: I keep running up against the same thing over and over,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: it's because there's something about the lesson that I'm not getting,
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: whether it's something that I'm not seeing, whether it's resistance
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: within myself, whether it's wanting to continue doing things the
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: same way even if I know it doesn't work, Like
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: there's a piece of the lesson that I'm missing. And
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: I think when we embrace the lessons, we do embrace
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: our humanity. It's not about being perfect and doing the
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: right thing all the time, but it's about Okay, how
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: can I shorten this learning curve a little bit and
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: not be so hard headed and have so many tries
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: to get to the lesson entirely.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: There are so many people listening to this that can
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: relate to that like headbutting sensation, where it's like, Okay,
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: I can escape this pattern. I'm in this pattern. I'm
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: in this pattern. I keep feeling like I'm dealing with
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: the exact same thing. You sound as though you have
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: come to a place where you understand what happens for
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: you in these moments. For someone who's not quite at
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: that digestible stage of this, what do you tell them?
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of it is
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: learning how to recognize patterns. So if we're running into
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: the same thing over and over, Okay, what is the
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: context around it? What are we doing that leads up
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: to it? What environments are we in that are leading
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: up to it? Is there something in specific that's triggering that?
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: And how can you just be more aware of the context,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: the environments, the triggers that are causing those things, because
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: when you become aware of it, you're able to navigate
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: it a little better.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: This is like, you cannot make a change until you
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: come to terms with what is, until you recognize what's
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: happening in your life, and oftentimes that involves us being
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: honest with ourselves about something we might not want to confront.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: It's like, say, for instance, you want to start an
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: exercise routine. Well, the first part of starting an exercise
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: routine is identifying why the exercise routine is important to you.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: And if you keep going to start this routine and
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: realizing that it's not sticking, well, then you probably have
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: to be honest about the reason that it's not stick
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: And oftentimes that honesty, Oh, it's so difficult.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: It's so difficult.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, yesterday I was doing a Q and A
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: on Instagram and I had someone ask about starting a
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: podcast and saying that they're scared of what should they do?
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, you got to get to the root
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: of that fear. What about it is scaring you? And
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: how can you confront and dismantle that? But you can't
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: confront and dismantle it unless you know what it is.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: And there's nothing that I can say that's going to
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: magically fix that for you. I think oftentimes in those
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: scenarios we look to other people to hear give me
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: an answer so that I cannot be scared. But you
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: have to get to the root of it and figure
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: it out.
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: On your own.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: It's so true. Okay, proudest moment of the year, less
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: proudest moment of the year. You know, I'm proud of
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: myself for leaving my old life. I'm proud of myself
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: for packing up my apartment in LA, putting my stuff
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: in storage, and just not knowing what was next, but
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: leaning into that uncertainty because it was just very unlike me. Yeah, yeah,
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: what made you decide that it was time to do that?
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: It was a couple of things.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think one, I was in a routine
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: that was no longer serving me. I just my days
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: were blurring together. It was the same thing day in
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: day out, and it just was not working for me.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: And there just was not a version of the life
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: that I was in that felt like it was authentic
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: to me or supporting my growth.
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: It felt like it was really supporting complacency. And then
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: the other.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Answer, that's a little bit more woo wu was just intuition,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Like I just had kind of this internal feeling that
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: it was it was time to go, and it was
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: time to figure something else out, and I didn't know
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: what that was. And I'd say, I still don't necessarily
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: know what that is because I'm just now kind of
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: in a new chapter, just literally as we speak, stepping
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: into a new chapter. But that willingness to kind of
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: leave to begin with, I think was really intuition.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: What did you.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Lean into to find stability when the changes that you
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: were making were inherently and stable.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think we often fear change because we become
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: afraid of uncertainty. And I've had to learn how to
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: befriend uncertainty and befriend change because things also can't get
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: better without change, and so I had to lean into
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: things have to change in order to be better.
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: So what is better?
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah? What is better?
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: And for this to be your proudest moment of the year,
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: it obviously held a lot of weight for you. You're
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: still in the midst of this very large change. But
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: what would you say you've learned now on the other side,
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: because this was kind of a change that happened for
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: you in I would say at least two phases.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: There was the phase where you said to yourself, Okay,
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: I'm going to travel a little bit and that travels
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: to it in New York and see how I feel about it.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: And now there's this second phase, which is all right,
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: I'm about to put roots down in New York for
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: a minute. You have your own lease, you have your
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: own apartment now, So what would you say has been
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: one of the biggest lessons so far in this proudest
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: moment of your twenty twenty three.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: What's interesting is I have always liked New York. I've
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: been here before before I decided to move here. But
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I had this idea that, oh, living in New York
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: is only something you do in your twenties. And so
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: because I didn't do it in my twenties, I can't
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: do it.
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: So stupid, so stupid.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: And then I got here and I was like, wait,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I really like it. I'm making friends, I'm building community.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: There's millions of people here who are much older than
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: their twenties, across all spans of life. So why do
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I have this idea that only certain places or certain
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: things are for certain points in my life. I can
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: kind of do whatever I want within reason, whenever I want,
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: within reason, within reason, you know, nothing too crazy, But
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: why would I limit myself to a decade that is
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: long gone? And I have so many lord willing decades
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: ahead of me to do whatever I want?
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: Right yeah.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: So then getting here and having this understanding and that
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: it enables you then to see things through a different lens. Yeah,
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: you were like judging yourself for absolutely no reason. Absolutely yeah,
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: for something I can't change you.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: How often do we do that? Though? With everything right?
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Yes, there are so many things that are happening in
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: our lives that we're shooting ourselves about or have this
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: bias and maybe it comes from you, maybe it comes
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: from your friends, maybe it is influenced by your family.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: But whatever that bias is, sometimes you have to take
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: a step back and ask yourself, is what I'm dealing
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: with here based on facts? Or is it based on
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: as should is it based on a thought? Is it
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: based on a feeling? And to be able to decipher
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: between the two again, it requires that brutal honesty, which
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: sometimes isn't exactly an easy thing to come by.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: Okay, So proudest moment of the year, making the move
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: most difficult moment of the year.
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: Most difficult moment of the year. Similarly making the move.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, talk to me about the flip side. Yeah, I mean,
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: you know, I had this moment. I had gone back
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: to La not too long ago to get my stuff
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: out of storage and prepare to move. And I did
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: have this moment where I got really emotional and I thought,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: what have I done? However, I also felt the same
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: way in twenty nineteen when I was driving from Seattle
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: to LA to move there. I got to the Oregon
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: California border, and I thought, what have I done? And
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: that was a really beautiful experience, even though you know
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not there currently, that was a really beautiful experience,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: and I grew a lot. So I realized, sometimes we
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: have these knee jerk reactions again to that change and
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: to the uncertainty, and even though we face discomfort, it
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. Sometimes you just have
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: to let the feelings pass. But it was really hard
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: to let go of the life that I had before,
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: even though I knew it didn't serve me. There was
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: once a time where that was what I really wanted.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: I so badly wanted to live in LA and like
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: the neighborhood that I lived in was like my dream
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: perfect neighborhood where I had my perfect little gym and
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: my perfect Whole foods and my perfect daily walking route,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: and there was I just really grieved the older version
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: of me that once really wanted that.
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: It was it was hard but necessary.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, necessary?
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: That words so beautiful there for you as this was
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: such a difficult transition. What would you say helped you
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: get through that transition the most?
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: I think it's you know, and I've I've felt similarly
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: actually about breakups that I've gone through, where it's like,
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: I know what this staying in this, whether it's a city,
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: whether it's a relationship, whether it's a job or whatever,
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: I know what this is going to get me, and
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: clearly I don't want this because if I wanted it,
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be feeling this way. So staying in it
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: is just making like a personal commitment to myself that
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: I'm going to not have what I ultimately want now
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: or what is ultimately for my greatest good. And learning
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: also how to move through those feelings of like it's
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: okay if I wanted this for a time, and now
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: it's okay to want something else has been like my
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: north star.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: Oh man, you're speaking to the what's the quote you're
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: preaching to the choir?
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: Wow, speaking to I don't even know who I like,
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: Because these are things.
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: We all experience.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: We all had our own versions of this in one
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: way or another.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: It's so true.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: Okay, so we know your proudest moment, we know your
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: most difficult moment. Now, this is my favorite question I've
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: been asking in this series Times person of the Year,
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: Taylor Swift, Who's Less's person of the year.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, definitely Beyonce, oh the counter, definitely Beyonce.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: I mean.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: The thing about why I love Beyonce personally is like
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: I watch her, whether I go to a concert or
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: I listen to her music or whatever. I watch the
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: concert film and she like makes me want to be
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: the best version of myself. I see how hard she
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: works and how many things that she does to put
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: together a great show and to be excellent at what
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: she does, and I'm like, I want to be my
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: version of that, and inspires me to be my version
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: of that.
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: So like, Beyonce is definitely my person of the Year.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: Talk to me about something you want to do more
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: of in twenty twenty four.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: Something I want to do more of.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: I want to lean more into creativity and just feel
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: fully unleashed in creativity. Not even necessarily related to my
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: content or podcast in that way, but like I would
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: really love to do creative writing, love to write. I
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: feel like I've written for so many years for work
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: that it kind of ruined it, and I want to
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: like reclaim my love of writing.
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: So I'd love to get.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Into creative writing eventually. Getting into writing fiction is something
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: that I would just love to do, as well as
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: getting more into music, Like I love music and I haven't,
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: you know, created music, made my own mixes, done my
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: own things in that nature in a really long time,
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: and so I would really love to get back to
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: those like creative fun hobbies.
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: Why are you not setting goals for twenty twenty four.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Because I'm really focused on, instead of setting goals that
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: I want to reach, determining what characteristics that I want
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: to embody. And I feel like if I really embody
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: who it is I want to be, who it is
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I meant to be, who my higher self is. Reaching
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: the goals is a given, but it's actually a lot
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: harder to make those changes and to embody new characteristics
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: and create new habits and wire new neural pathways. That's
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: a lot harder than achieving goals or kind of checking boxes,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: which is what sometimes achieving goals has been for me.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: So I kind of want to do it almost like
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: the harder way, but I realize that when I am
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: that version of myself, like achieving the goals is a
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: given's that's like it's normal, it's normal thing, its normal day.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Give me an example of a characteristic that you want
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: to work to embody in twenty twenty four. Yeah, so
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: creating more than I consume is a big one, and
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: not taking inspiration from other areas, whether that is how
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: I write, whether that's how I create, whether that's how
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: I dress, and how I I mean so many days
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: where I like need to get dressed for the day
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, let me hop on Pinterest to see
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: if I can recreate an outfit. Why don't I just
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: create something that is purely from my you know what
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, like presenting as my highest self, who already
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: is that person who's put together, who creates things, who
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: sets the trends instead of follows them.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: Why am I not creating as this put together person? Yeah,
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: this is the whole premise of energy finds like energy, right,
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Energy attracts like energy.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: So if you believe that in your.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Gut you are this put together person, then you will
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: also attract other put together people, right, And I'm not
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: just talking about like physical attraction and men, although we
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: are working on attracting puts together two twenty four, Absolutely
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: we both are, but I'm also talking about like career
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: opportunities and friendships and like other relationships and just like energy.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: In your life.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: Like when you show up somewhere and you bring, for
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: another example, like confidence with you, then you are going
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: to attract other confident people and those are the people
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: that are going to stay in your circle. But that's
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: only if you are truly embodying a part of yourself.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: And sometimes, as scary as it is, you do have
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: to put on like that makeup first, Right, you have
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: to show up and be like today, I'm going to
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: be my confident Emily, Like this is what I'm going
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: to do today. And you might not always feel like
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: all shiny and whatever, but that doesn't mean that you
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: can't step out in a certain way and put that
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: forward knowing that that is exactly what you want to
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: receive exactly.
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, hit the nail on the head, Hit the nail
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: on the head.
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: Wow, twenty twenty four is going to be a big one.
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: I'm excited normally I feel a little bit indifferent towards
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: the new year. I'm kind of like, yeah, new year,
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: kind of whatever, I think, just because I know, intrinsically
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: usually the year ahead is going to be the same.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: But knowing this year is going to be drastically different
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: than any I've had before, it is just it's exciting,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: and so it's it's giving me kind of a renewed
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: excitement for the new year that I've never had.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: Aside from being honest with yourself about the state of
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: less's life, like what's going on where you're at, career, personal,
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: et cetera. What else would you say helps you be
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: okay in the midst of all this uncertainty? Like is
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: it routine based? Are the routines that you follow that
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: help give you solace? Is it relationships and support from
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: friends or family? Like, what would you say are kind
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: of the cornerstones that help you set up for success
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: knowing that this year is going to be so much
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: different than the previous one?
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean absolute like stillness and mindfulness and getting still.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: I know we both love and work with open and
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: so even if that's something as simple as like the
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: daily meditation, meditation or breathwork, just to like ground and
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: have a minute of peace if I know the rest
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: of the day is going to be chaos. Those simple
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: wellness practices of like movement, drinking water, eating well, silence
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: for a few minutes a day, those are the things
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: that truly anchor no matter how much chaos I have
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: going on.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I'm gonna plug this right now. So
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: nervous System reseid with open dot Com slash hurdle thirty.
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: One days of free classes.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: Actually great and this I didn't even pay less to
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: mention this on my podcast, but it really helps me
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: out here to drive you all. I to like the
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: mindfulness breathwork thing over the last year, talk about impressions
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: or like stories that we were telling ourselves for a
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: long time, I just thought that I would never be
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: a breathwork person. Like I had this idea in my
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: head of how people looked when they do breathwork, and
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: I thought it was absolutely ridiculous. And then when I
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: sat down to do it, I was like, oh, I
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: actually like this a lot better than meditation. I like
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: having a task to do that calms me down for
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: two five ten minutes. So yeah, I'm with you. The
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: mindfulness is a huge thing for me. It's definitely a
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: cornerstone that and just routine. I think in general, setting
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: yourself up in the morning is like what truly enables
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: me and empowers me to handle everything else that happens
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: throughout the day.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: One percent and having more time and spaciousness in my
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: mornings is feeling so good.
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: And that was a slower morning routine.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: We love it, and we love it. We love it well.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy that we were able to sit down
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: and start the year off together. So many fun things
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: to come for us both anything else you want to
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: leave the hurdlers with words of wisdom going into twenty
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: twenty four. Oh my gosh, I mean big moment. First
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: of all, thank you for having me. This was such
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: a fun podcast chat. I think it's okay if everything
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: is not ideal. It's okay if you have one of
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: those years. On my podcast, I called it living versus achieving.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: That's what twenty twenty three was for me. I was
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: living more than I was achieving, and that is okay.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: And that you have the power to turn things around. Yeah,
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: we all have the power to turn things around.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: At any moment too.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: I think that that's like the biggest thing and the
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: last thing we'll end on here is just this sentiment
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: that there is so much power in the restart at
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: the top of the year. I love a January first.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: Ask anyone that knows me my life a Monday. Oh
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: my god, it's so satisfying. I like so amped on this.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: I love a January first. But with that said, if
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: something doesn't go right on January first, and you want
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: to start on January second, or if you want to
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: start on February second, or you want to start at
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: twelve pm on March fourteenth, do whatever you need to do,
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: because literally, any single moment is your opportunity to start fresh.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: And waiting for some arbitrary moment that someone else tells
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: you is the right time to do something isn't going
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: to be the thing that anchors you into your new routines.
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: So do what you gotta do.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: But hopefully we gave you a little bit of good
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: advice to get to where you want to go. Less
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: for those that don't follow along with you, just yet
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: give us the details. How can they do that?
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Yes, well, you can find me on the social media's
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Balanced Less and then
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: my podcast Balance Black Girl has new episodes come out
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: every Tuesday, so you can find it wherever you listen
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: to podcasts. If you're into video, we now have video
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: episodes on YouTube, so yeah, come find me.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: She's sending the bar so high for me for twenty
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: twenty four YouTube and Hurdles Future.
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: Yes it's coming. Yeah girl, you got it, you got it.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: I'm over at Emilyabodi and at Hurdle Podcast Another Hurdle Codgerd.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: Catch you guys next time