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Why Do Narcissists Always Bring Up The Past But You Can't? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So why are narcissists consistently breaking up the
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  past but you can't do it right? That's what we talked about
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  today, y'all. Why narcissistic people, toxic
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  people like to consistently and constantly bring up the past but
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  won't allow you to do the same thing.
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  Of course, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  the Narcissist Code. Y'all.
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  Which we which will be transitioning to the mental
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  illness podcast here pretty soon because the interviews are on
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  the way. Hey, y'all, the interviews are
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  on the way. You're gonna apply to be on the
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  podcast. The link is in the description
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  of every video that I do. But yes, let's hop right into
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  it. Y'all.
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  The past is a tool that narcissists use to build a like
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  a House of protection, right? A a House of worship and
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  whatnot. Why do they keep bringing up the
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  past so much? Simply put, because it works,
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  because it's useful, bringing up the past is absolutely a useful
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  tool for narcissistic people. It Yeah, it really just it, it
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  can be as simple as that right there sometimes that the past, I
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  can always use it. And This is why I tell people
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  like, when you're getting to know somebody, fill them out.
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  Don't just go trauma dumping on them.
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  Don't just be sharing your deep emotional past with this person.
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  Don't share your deepest darkest secrets with this person.
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  Like build up to that. Make them earn your information.
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  Earn it. Like your if.
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  Yeah, yeah, make them earn it because they will absolutely
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  bring up the past against you. Even the past they had nothing
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  to do with them. Yes, narcissists will bring up
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  the past that y'all have created together, right?
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  Y'all could have been together for 10 years and they can bring
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  up something for year one and use it against you.
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  But not only will they do that, they will also bring up the
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  stuff that happened before y'all were even together because it
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  work. If y'all be it does work, bring
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  it up. The past absolutely works for
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  narcissist. It is not.
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  It's a tool, it's a weapon. It absolutely is and I think a
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  lot of y'all would just understand how this works with
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  manipulative, abusive, toxic, lying, narcissistic bastards.
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  They will absolutely bring it up because it works.
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  Like if I'm losing an argument or your narcissistic partner or
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  parent, whoever they are, right, is losing an argument to you and
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  I have nothing else. I'm losing an argument because
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  you have all the facts. The facts are not on my side,
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  right? The fiction is fiction and
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  storytelling is on my side, right?
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  But the facts are not serving me here.
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  So guess what I do? I go into my little Rolodex of
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  the past seven years ago got got blow it off 'cause it's dusty.
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  I got ya ass. Remember what you did.
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  You let me take you. Let me take you back to a little
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  year I like to call 2018. You remember that year?
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  What about what you did to me that year?
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  Yeah, I'm cheating on you right now.
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  Yeah, you bust. You might have busted me
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  cheating. But remember in 2018, when we
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  were trying to build this relationship, we were just fresh
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  together and you didn't respond to me within a timely manner?
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  Y'all see how stupid that sounds?
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  They cheated on you, but you didn't respond to them in a
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  timely manner. In 2018 when you're first
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  getting to know each other and somehow that's equal.
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  We both made mistakes. It's wrong.
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  I know I did you wrong, but what about what you did?
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  That's a common theme that a lot of narcissistic people will use.
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  The past works. It serves.
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  Yeah. The past for a narcissist and
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  them using against you does absolutely serve a purpose.
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  It really, really does. It serves serves a unique
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  purpose. It serves a great purpose for
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  them because they know they understand that they keep they
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  get to keep doing this type of stuff.
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  They know they understand that they can use this against you.
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  They know they understand of how and what that they can put you
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  through. This is the mindset of a lot of
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  narcissistic abusive people. So they love using the past like
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  anything, yo, anything is like nothing is off limits.
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  Anything is on the table. When they are angry with you or
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  they want to hurt your feelings or they want to, they're trying
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  to get away from accountable or they're trying to blame you for
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  something. Anything is on the table.
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  They will bring up your childhood trauma which they were
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  not around for. They will bring up something
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  that happened to you, you something your ex did to you
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  which they were not around for and tell you that you deserved
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  it. Remember when you remember since
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  well since we talked about this, since we, since we on the topic
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  remember when your ex blacked your eye.
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  You remember that because I remember that you told me about
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  it. I wasn't there, but you deserve
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  to get your eye black. The way you talking to me.
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  I see why they punch you in your eye.
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  I see why they swole you up. Because look how you are.
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  Look how evil you are. You see how you act.
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  You see how you treat me. You see what you do to me.
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  You see how you behave. You see how you you see what you
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  put me through. That's what they'll do to you.
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  Y'all know it's a ridiculous but that's literally what they would
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  say to you. They it doesn't matter what it
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  was, if they were there for it, they still think it's relevant
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  to use against you. They still think it's OK to
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  bring this type of stuff up because it serves them right
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  now. They think that the past is the
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  past matters right now when it absolutely doesn't now.
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  So can the past be? Can the using the past make
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  sense sometimes? Yeah, let's be real.
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  But I had to correct myself right there.
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  But most times it doesn't in the context of dealing with a
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  narcissistic person, because when they're using a past
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  against you, it's typically on a topic that has nothing to do
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  with what's going on right now. It just doesn't y'all.
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  But on the flip side of things I know y'all want to talk about
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  like, well, Lee, they Lee, they always break my partner, my ex,
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  my husband, wife, whatever. They are always bringing up the
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  past and using it against me. They use my my body count, they
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  use my height, my weight, whatever.
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  They always things that I don't, things that I'm ashamed of that
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  I shared with them. They always use this against me
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  like, but when I try to break up something from their past, they
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  lose they damn minds. Why is that, Lee?
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  Because Simply put, the double standards do exist in these
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  relationships, child. The double standards absolutely
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  do exist in these relationships. They absolutely do.
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  You don't get to do what I get to do.
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  And that can be, Simply put, you don't.
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  We are not on the same level. We are not equal here.
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  You don't get to say or do or talk about the things that I
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  have done. That's not how it works here.
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  Like no, I bring up the past because it's relevant.
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  You bring up the past because you're just you, you because
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  you're stuck in the past because you don't know how to grow up,
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  because you you don't know how to let things go.
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  And the same thing applies to them.
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  It doesn't make sense to you, but to that narcissistic person,
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  them use them, bringing up the past absolutely makes sense to
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  them. You know it really does and
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  their and their justification for it because yours is stupid
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  and mine is not best could be as simple as Simply put, I can do
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  it because I'm me. You can't do it because you're
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  you. We are not equal.
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  We are not the same. Well, we, we, we don't represent
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  the same thing. No, you don't get to use the
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  past against me because I because I said so, because you
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  just don't. And now guess what happens?
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  Y'all guess what happens when you try to bring up the past
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  with a narcissist or something that they've done in the past?
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  Guess what happens if you're arguing about something and if
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  you bring up something that they have done in the past, they will
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  throw off the entire argument to focus on why you brought
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  something up from the past. So sometimes when you try to
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  bring up the past against a narcissist, they use this.
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  They use it as an opportunity, not for growth, an opportunity
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  to just do keep doing things to you.
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  They use it as an opportunity to mess with you, to throw you off
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  the topic, to throw you off track.
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  You know, I talked to a a woman yesterday on my 10 ones my zoom
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  calls and she brought up the turn.
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  She brought up a video I did a long time ago called about Gish
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  gallop. Well, how narcissist will start
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  a bunch of small arguments within one to throw you all off
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  to confuse you because so now you don't even know what the
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  beginning argument was about. You bring up something that
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  they've done. Were you yelled at me?
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  Remember you yelled at me last week?
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  Wow, you going to bring that up? Wow, how dirty?
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  How low down and dirty are you? Wow, you can't let go of stuff.
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  Look how you been doing like I made a mistake.
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  You still using it against me. We know you going to grow up.
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  You see, the fact that you haven't grown up is really an
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  indication of how you were raised by your parents.
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  That's why your daddy wasn't there.
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  That's why your Mama beat your ass.
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  That's why your sister hated you.
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  That's why your brother hated you.
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  Let's talk about that, right? That's about the fact that your
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  brother hates you. He doesn't talk to you.
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  So we now we went from you yell them them yelling at you all the
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  way to them now bringing up your the fact that your brother
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  hasn't spoken to you. How we get here?
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  How did we get here? This starting small fires.
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  It's called Gish gallop. This is a technique that a lot
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  of bad faith actors will use, like people who are not coming
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  to you in good faith, people who politicians you politicians use
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  this argument tech technique all the time called Gish gallop.
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  GISH gallop like a horse, you know, But they would do this
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  type of stuff. They use you bringing up the
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  past. That's an opportunity to
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  belittle you and hurt your feelings even more and also an
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  opportunity to start several other arguments within this one.
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  So now you don't even know what the hell the first argument was
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  about. Like you like what the hell we
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  talked about in the 1st place. I forgot now right?
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  I forgot what we talked about now I'm not clear on how dizzy
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  we even got here. I don't even know what happened
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  Rabble rabble rabble blah blah blah Boo Boo Boo BBB.
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  You see, I I'm just telling you, y'all see how it goes right
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  there in these spaces like they love break it up the past
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  because they can use it or they hate when you break it up
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  because it makes them feel shame.
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  The core of it. Y'all, they hate when you bring
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  it up because it makes them feel ashamed.
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  Even if you're you bring out of the past is truth is true and
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  it's applicable to this situation right now.
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  They will try to throw you off the topic because this is how
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  the mind of a lot of narcissists work.
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  They don't want to be held accountable.
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  They just hate the fact that accountability, even the word
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  accountability even exists. So it's just how we go y'all.
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  Anyways, y'all, they have a Rob move for the end.
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  Really, truly appreciate every single one of y'all.
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  Thank y'all for making it to 500 K.
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  That means we're halfway to that million, halfway to the Millie.
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  Let's get to 1,000,000 by the end.
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  Well, where we at? October, November, December, 3
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  months. Let's get to 1,000,000 in three
• 11:10
  months. Maybe a record with every.
• 11:12
  No, maybe not a record. Maybe crazy though.
• 11:14
  I appreciate y'all. You haven't subscribed.
• 11:17
  Why not hit the subscribe button?
• 11:19
  Bye, bye, peace.