Latest / iRefresh Podcast / EP 93 Imparting Hope to the Forgotten - Brittany Stokes & Amy Calvert

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EP 93 Imparting Hope to the Forgotten - Brittany Stokes & Amy Calvert · iRefresh Podcast

• 0:00
  I've asked the Lord, I'm like, why are we even fighting this battle? Like we know evil exists here. Like why are we fighting? He goes, because that one. Because I need one more.
• 0:36
  Hi, welcome to iRefresh. I'm Amy Calvert. Obviously, I'm not Cheryl, but I'm so thankful to be here as kind of a special host. And we have an amazing guest today who you are going to love just as much as I do. And it's a familiar face who's been here before on iRefresh. And I'm thankful to be back. I was able to share some of my episodes about my oldest daughter, who's type 1 diabetic, and the journey that we really went through for her healing and just believing everyday God for
• 1:04
  to God for her healing. And my episodes are episode 43 and 51. I'd love to encourage you to check those out. It's just great information that we as a family are sharing to hopefully save other people's lives. So, but today, so excited to welcome Brittany Stokes.
• 1:20
  Hi, Brittany. Hi, Amy. I'm excited to be here. So excited to have you. You all are going to hear an amazing story about a woman who truly, what I feel in just knowing your story, Brittany, the hands, the feet, the heart of Jesus, and it's what we're all called to be each day. And so I want to start out. Brittany is the president and co-founder of the United States.
• 1:39
  of Project Orphans and the Tulsa Girls Home. And here in Tulsa, it's such a great thing to have because it's unbelievable that until you launched Tulsa Girls Home, there was nothing for young girls as they aged out of foster care to go to. But let's kind of take our listeners back. I want you to share, Brittany, about Project Orphans, how it was founded and where it kind of led to today with the Tulsa Girls Home.
• 2:07
  Yeah. Well, I'm so excited to be here and excited to be sharing with you. It's been a journey and a journey that I would say never has taken a shape of its own. And I think that's really what God calls us to do in all things, right? You know, you know the next step, but sometimes you don't know what the ending is going to look like.
• 2:28
  Even today, I sit here and every day it's, Lord, how can I serve you? Lord, what does that look like? What is that next step? And so about 2011, we started with this idea to build orphan homes, foster care homes for couples who had gone to different countries and really felt that they were planted there to serve the orphan. And so.
• 2:50
  So we did that. We did that in Brazil and Guatemala, Haiti, and then Uganda. And then the Lord really started just stirring to plant roots in Uganda. And it really, we formed our non-governmental organization in Uganda around 2015. This is you and your husband.
• 3:10
  Me and my best friend, Christina Yard. Yeah. So she's the other co-founder and, you know, really just decided to plant roots. And I think what motivated me was, it's kind of funny, I was in corporate America, I was in branding, I was in advertising, and I just had this, you know, this gut-wrenching frustration with kids and what was going on for the voiceless, for those who couldn't do anything for themselves. Yeah.
• 3:40
  And it's just, I always say, if there's something that burns deep in you, whatever that fire is, whatever that thing is that motivates you or moves you to use your voice, that is the thing that maybe God has planted inside your heart to make a difference within. And so when we established our non-governmental organization in Uganda, things just took off. And I like to say that first five years of building was the time that we got the blueprints.
• 4:07
  You know, we were sowing into others' dreams. We were sowing into others' mission. And that was such a vital time to help build homes for families in those other countries. But then when we established ourselves in Uganda, it was like the Lord just came. I like to say we were just going through clear water. And so today now we have a hospital. We have a special needs center.
• 4:37
  a church and then several foster care homes, which is something that is very near and dear to my heart. Yeah. And we'll get to that because you have quite a story on that as well. And what happens for these children over in Africa? How does the process go? How do you determine, you know, who's going into the home?
• 4:54
  Yeah. So we work really closely with the Ugandan police. And so very much like here, instead of doing institutionalized care, we built homes for families. So there might be a mother with seven to eight kids. And our program also allows kids that are in the community with single moms or widows. And so we try to be a voice for the voiceless. And that was...
• 5:20
  That was hard because, you know, sometimes that child or that person didn't necessarily fit orphan, right? And then God revealed the orphan spirit to me. And when you actually look at that, it really opens up your ministry of what the orphan looks like. And so, you know, why would we not want to serve that 16-year-old who is in heart failure and, you know, has a mom and a dad but doesn't know the Lord? Mm-hmm.
• 5:47
  And there's this yearning for him. And so I had to like juggle with the Lord. I was like, okay, listen, I don't know. I can't say no to this kid who needs this heart or,
• 5:57
  You know, it's hard for me to wrap around, what are you calling me doing? He just said, the ones that I bring to you just say yes, because I want to show them the Father. And it kind of took this weight off of me for who do we help, who do we not help? And so what turned into foster care homes turned into a whole village and a community that is inspired through the love of a father for his children and a yearning for them.
• 6:26
  And what's so amazing, and I don't want to make assumptions, but you're Brittany from Tulsa, Sepulpa, Oklahoma. Yeah. And you hear this call from God. And, you know, most of us are like, Shirley's not telling me to go and change the world. Yeah. In Africa.
• 6:42
  You know, what was that reaction when you felt that gut and that, you know, instinct of, okay, I've got to do more. Like, was there any opposition? You know, sometimes, you know, it's like, okay, God, I'm going to need you to call me to confirm that, you know, this is really for sure. You know, how did that, how did that come about? I feel like I've had many conversations with the Lord through this and what he is wanting me to do and, and when, and there's many times I said, Lord, take this burden from me. I don't want to carry it. It's one I don't want.
• 7:11
  It's really heavy. Yeah. Like, I'm tired. Yeah. And it's funny because, you know, so many times people say, what profession are you going to go into? I was not, I didn't want to have children until I was 35. I was wanting to build my career. Children were not my thing. Right. But the injustice side of it.
• 7:34
  really was that thing that burned inside me and was like, I have to do something different. And then beyond that, really being motivated to tell the story of the orphan in a way that was not for personal gain. And so I worked as a freelance marketing professional for about 10 years. And I think that's really important. Sometimes when you're starting the Lord's journey, you have to hustle in many other ways in that calling.
• 8:04
  And it wasn't until just recently, I was full-time volunteer, full-time working, full-time mom, and I just left corporate America in order to, or, you know, other jobs in order to build Project Orphans and Tulsa Girls Home in a more...
• 8:22
  intimate way and a more, and that was a hard struggle for me because sometimes when you're doing ministry, it was, it's a blessing to serve these people. It's, it's an honor. And I never wanted to taint that. And then someone said, have you ever thought that by not stepping away from other things, you're actually hurting the thing that God needs you to grow. And I sat on that for about two years until our board said, Brittany, you can't be
• 8:51
  running this hard on both levels. And so, yeah, that kind of, you know, I think that's really important to say because so many people see the now and what's been, you know, and they don't see the 10 years of faith and prayer. And, you know,
• 9:12
  life-threatening moments and just tears. Yeah. Just, and really asking the Lord to not choose me or ask me to do this anymore. Pass this over. Yeah. Yeah. And so from this life-changing, you know, event, everything that was done with Project Orphans, I know that that's where the Tulsa Girls Home came. So talk to me a little bit about that and what's happening here, right in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Sepulpa and kind of your mission going forward. Yeah.
• 9:38
  Yeah, so during our, you know, the past 10 years of establishing Project Orphans, my husband and I did decide to become foster parents. It was a, when you actually see the orphan and you meet these kids, and then now as a mom, when I gave birth to Briley and Kinley, I could never imagine them saying, mom, I
• 10:02
  Like, why did you let me go? Or, Mom, why didn't you fight for me? And I never, it just, again, back to that injustice, that pain. Like, it wasn't like I wanted all these kids. I just couldn't, that pain. And it just broke in a way. And I think when you literally ask the Lord, when you, you know, we sing these songs in worship, break my heart for what breaks.
• 10:32
  And so we became foster parents and saw
• 10:36
  you know, the injustice, whether it be in the foster care program, in, you know, in the laws, in the, you know, just in the plethora of being an orphan in foster care in America. Yeah. What these children are facing. What these children are facing. And so we fostered four or five kids and then ended up at a training that I thought was a training. And it was an event for
• 11:04
  adoption. And Miracle was there. There was about 200 kids. And you actually were given this book. And you could flip through. Like, no joke, Amy. Like, flip through...
• 11:16
  a binder. And it said, if you wanted to meet that kid, they were there. Like, wow. And I was like, there's no way we can do this. Yeah. And so miracle came up to us and said, Hey, there's a couple that wanted to adopt me at one point, but I'm not going with them. Do you mind just talking to me and acting like you're interested in me? I was like, sure. No problem. Like you're a teenager. We're not adopting a teenager. This is like safe game. Right. Right.
• 11:38
  So we spoke to Miracle and two hours later she said, are you ready for this? And I'm like, ready for what? And Miracle said, can you adopt me? Wow. And she was 16 years old and. Had been in the foster system. Nine years. Wow. Shelters. I think she had been in 12 different schools. Wow.
• 11:57
  And I said, Miracle, you don't want me to be your mom. Like, you don't want me to adopt you. I will be super strict. Like, this isn't my thing. And she said, please, like, will you take me home? Wow. And we left that day signing a paper. And two months later, she moved into our home. And it changed our whole life. And it's been a three-year journey to show her God's love. Not an easy journey, right? No, not an easy journey. And that's the thing is...
• 12:26
  when God's plan is never for personal gain, we're not supposed to go and do ministry to feel good. Right. And you're not supposed to be a foster parent or adopt or, you know, do something that truly, if you're asking the Lord to do, to do it for your own self. It is for miracle. It is for Gage and CJ and Bubba and all the ones that have been in our home. And
• 12:53
  It broke our hearts a lot. And then it felt very lonely because behavior sometimes with foster care kids, and this is something I see all the time, is they're a horrible child. No, no, no, no. They are like literally broken. They have had any type of security. I thought I was reading the scripture on our cup today, the times of refreshing may come in the presence of the Lord. These kids have had never. Yeah. Yeah.
• 13:17
  A time of refresh. They spend their day, their nights all the time. Am I getting moved? What if I like this person? Is that going to get taken away? There's no stableness, no love. Nothing. Many of them face just, yeah. And so behaviors are just a mask to put up a wall of, I don't want, I actually like this home. Yeah.
• 13:40
  Now, instead of it being taken, let me ruin it. Right. Because that's something I can control. Yeah. Right? And so that happened with Miracle. And when she moved in, I had actually just gone to Uganda and I came back. What I loved about Miracle was she waited until the little ones would go to sleep to kind of self-explode or express that frustration. She understood the safety of the home. And she said, you know...
• 14:09
  when you left, nothing, dad didn't do anything, like Kyron didn't do anything to me. And I said, what do you mean miracle? And a month later it came out that she was just in a former foster care home where the man who was married to the mayor in Oklahoma was abusing her.
• 14:24
  Wow. And taking a vinaigrette. And that was in foster care, somewhere where we were supposed to be. So she had been placed in a home that was to be a safe spot and was abused. Yeah. And I believe that that person she was with, aren't they now in prison? They are now in prison. Yeah. But this is all she's known. This is all she's known. Since the age of seven. Well, since the age of zero. Zero. Yeah. Like, foster care came at seven. But, I mean, malnourished, never had been to the doctor, never had known love. I mean, just, and what is love? Right. Right.
• 14:53
  You know, and so it took three years of battling for that. And then in that meeting, I mean, when we adopted Miracle, my inbox of teenage girls, well, can you find me home? What? What?
• 15:08
  Because what I think people don't realize, and I know shame on me for not realizing, is that you don't, I guess you just don't process it because maybe we don't want to. Maybe, you know, talking about the hard things is not easy. And you know, now at the age of 18, being in foster care, when she turns that age, it's, you're no longer in foster care, go live a life. But these kids who've had no life, they have nothing established. They have no, you know, I remember as an 18 year old, I was in college and I'd make mistakes and I could call mom and dad, you know, they'd help pick you up or,
• 15:36
  I need a few bucks, you know, or something. And these children have nothing. And so now people have seen what you, these young girls have seen what you did with miracle. And they're saying, we want hope. I need home. And so that kind of led to,
• 15:50
  I was working as a domestic violence and human sex trafficking director at a shelter here in Oklahoma and saw so many girls who had aged out of foster care end up in abusive, domestic, violent, human trafficking situations. Which I want to, sorry to interrupt, I want to point out. And, you know, my profession is I'm vice president and general manager of,
• 16:14
  KJRH, which is a television station here in Tulsa. And we've actually covered many of your stories, but what one thing that we've really focused on as a station is highlighting Tulsa, Oklahoma is one of the highest sex trafficked places in the country because of Route 66 and a lot of things. And people don't, again, I talk to people on boards and share and they, what? Tulsa?
• 16:39
  It's happening every day. It's happening everywhere. That's what we don't realize is that this brokenness, this sin, this horrible thing are happening to our children right in our backyard. And it's so important because I think the Lord, if we don't.
• 16:57
  allow Jesus and God to carry our hurt, to carry those things that are really true burdens. We can't do it alone. But who are we to say, you can't handle this, Jesus. You can't be in me and carry this. And so for me, I always say, I really think Jesus allows me to feel different
• 17:18
  Just as much as I need to until I know I'm about to break. Right. And then he gives me this grace. Yeah. And he gives me this comfort. Yeah. Because it is so heavy. Yeah. And trafficking is, it's not just coming from Mexico and coming on over a border. No. It is familial trafficking. You know, I need you to sleep, you know, an uncle. I need you to sleep with all these people, my friends, to pay the rent. That is familial trafficking, something that happens very quite often.
• 17:48
  They prey on these young girls who have nothing. And vulnerable girls. Yeah. And no one's looking for them. And so being at the shelter really was like, what are we doing on the front end? And so I called my friend Greg Conway, who's the director of the Tulsa Boys Home, who's been here 104 years. 104 years. Which is crazy. So Tulsa's had a boys home. Yeah. But we had nothing for young ladies. Yeah. Nothing for these girls coming out of, which again...
• 18:15
  So there's been group homes that are for-profit and, you know, for, but they are not to, they were not non-profit, trauma-informed. This was what, you know, with, and honestly, most times group homes are put so far into the country or so far into neighborhoods where they aren't seen. So transparency and ethical, you know, programs and ethical care, you know, it's non-existent. Right. And so if you aren't aware of it, right.
• 18:43
  then how do you know it's performing correctly? So Greg goes, you know, Brittany, it's something Tulsa Boys Home has talked about so many times, but girls are hard.
• 18:54
  And he said, if you're going to go into this, good luck. Yeah. Girls are hard. They can get pregnant. They can self-harm. You know, boys fight it out, right? And then they're done. And then it's done. You're going to open home with teen girls, just like all of our girls at home who are teenagers, if you've had one. I've got one now. Then you add the trauma of...
• 19:15
  Yeah, of what they've been through. Of what they've been through. And he just said, you know, it's a lot. And so I said. But God, right? But God. And I always, I love that Ira Fresh talks about how prayer. Yeah. And just what God is calling us to do. Because I always say there's no way.
• 19:34
  Anything would have been possible. Any of those things that God has done without those people who are those intercessors, who I know my life has been spared. Right. I know that the random check that came in the mail for that certain amount of money to cover a certain surgery for that child with no name to say thank you was only the Lord. So, but God. Right. But still, it seems like a mountain in that story. And so...
• 20:03
  When we, you know, I said, okay, and we went back to the board for Tulsa Girl, or for Project Orphans, I said, I think we need to do Tulsa Girls Home, and they said, you know, I'm
• 20:12
  We will stand behind you, whatever that looks like. And just but God. And so September of 2021, we finally went public. Yeah. With we wanted to, God said, ask for a home for the holidays. And I'm like, what do you mean a home for the holidays? He said, ask for the home for the holidays. And so we had an event. There was a home that came on the market. And I was like, this is it. We had no money. Yeah. Yeah.
• 20:39
  We had no plans for how we were going to get that money. Right. Because our donors are Project Orphans. Now we're launching into something new. And they said, put an offer on the house. The Lord told me to put an offer on the house. It was, I have no money right now. I'll go get the money by the holidays. Yeah. Because the Lord told me a home for the holidays. Yeah. I need...
• 21:02
  I said I needed three months. I'd like to use the property, begin renovations to the property. So you made your list for God. Okay, God, here's what we need. This is for the buyer of the home. Okay, got it. I'm literally, this is the offer we're submitting when the market has been insane right now. Right. So I'm like... Coming out of COVID, coming out of everything, yeah, that was happening. So I said I needed three months. We'd like to be, again, using the home.
• 21:26
  I don't have the financing yet, but I will get the financing. And, you know, can we start making renovations because DHS has all these renovations. Right. And they were like.
• 21:37
  But God, they were former foster care parents and said, this is exactly what we wanted. And this is exactly what we knew the Lord told us to do when we offered this. So we will do this journey. And then you talk about David and Goliath and what it felt like to get there. Because when you go after the orphan, the orphan is the easiest person for the devil to claim. Right. Because when we see it all the time right now, identity. Right.
• 22:00
  Who are we? Yeah. We question our identity and all these things. And then you add a child. Yeah. The devil can. So when you go after, it's the easiest person to show God's love and to claim for the Lord. But the devil, I mean, he really fights it in all ways, you know, and in tax against my family, my.
• 22:21
  kids, my personal family, our board members went through the hardest time. Even our staff in Uganda, before we launched Hosselig Girls Home, I told them that Project Orphans was growing and we were taking more ground and for them to be able to be ready and to be prayed up. Because it just came like a first. You know, and so...
• 22:41
  But God, you know, the end of December transformation and, you know, some other people in the community had heard what we did and we were able to buy that home free and clear in cash. And it's open now. Free and clear in cash. God orchestrated every step. And how many how many girls are there now?
• 23:01
  So there will be seven total. And we are also in the process of building a barn so that girls in foster care can come and get therapy still. And so it's not just limited to that one home. And I love it because I was researching all this and looking at everything and obviously familiar with stories that we've done at our television station. And you have horses there kind of teaching them. Obviously, you have people that live in the home full time with them.
• 23:26
  Yeah, so we have staff that come from 7 to 3, 3 to 11, and 11 to 7. So 24-hour care, therapists, equine therapy. We have our pet Snoopy, who's a doodle, and has been awesome. I know doodles are very special to iRefresh. Yeah, I love that. It's been a journey, and you look at it, and I remember that first resident who moved in, and it's just amazing.
• 23:51
  It just shows you exactly why. And I want to read because I, and this is where I love social media because I feel like I've, you know, I've been able to interact with you, not even being able to meet you in person, but hearing your stories and share. And you were able to share a lot that was going on through the home. And I even printed it off because I want to share it with our listeners today. But you said when the first young lady walked into the house, her response was, well, it's emotional. Yeah.
• 24:21
  as a mom especially, to think there are young girls who have nothing, you know. But she said, I've moved places a lot in my life. Every new placement, I was scared and anxious. But this place doesn't make my chest hurt. I feel like I'm finally home. And that's the hope. And what I don't know if you realize, you're changing the life of,
• 24:45
  of every single child and every person they touch in their life. You know, and that's what God's called us to do, right? And just everything that we do. Yeah. I thought that was so special and I knew I was going to be emotional, but it should cause us to be emotional. It should cause us to say, what are we doing?
• 25:04
  You know, and I encourage people at home that are asking that, you know, maybe you can't be a Brittany. You can't go out and build this home. But you know what? Brittany needs help. And I know that we'll have that information on the screen for people who if they want to donate and they want to provide for you because you right now, you said you had seven young ladies whose lives now are being forever changed. And they're going to go out and change our world.
• 25:26
  And break cycles. Break cycles. Generational cycles. And I think that's, you know, it's not just what we see on the outside. It is the spiritual warfare too, like we talked about. And, you know, it's a very, it's intimidating. And I don't know if it's a Britney thing or if it's just the Lord doing it, because Britney doesn't have a secret sauce, to be honest. I think that's, everyone's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I don't, I'm not doing anything but saying, saying yes.
• 25:54
  And that's what you are. You are willing and able. And that's what God has said. He said, if you will just come and make yourself available, I will take you. And that's what he's doing with you, Brittany. Yeah. You are walking the hardest steps. And that's why I want to encourage our listeners to pray for you and your family every day, because what you're walking into, I mean, I hear the stories behind the scenes. I see things. It's it is a saying it's a hard world is just it doesn't even sum it up.
• 26:21
  Yeah, and I think that's so—I've asked the Lord, I'm like, why are we even fighting this battle? Like, we know evil exists here. Like, why are we fighting? He goes, because that one. Yeah. Because if you—I need one more. Yeah. I need you to go—like, I need you to allow me to open that door to go get her work, you know? And I'm just like—
• 26:40
  Oh, my goodness. The grays that have happened. You know, it's just a lot. And, again, it's nothing that I am doing. Yeah. Right? I can't. It's him through you. It really is because I can't every day when he – Yeah.
• 26:55
  I battle with him all the time because I'm like, you want me to say that next? Like, this is what we're tackling. Tulsa Girls Home is just one part of a huge plan that he has to rectify and restore lives. Yeah. Because these are soon to be mamas. Right. And these are going to be business owners and they are worthy. They are worthy. And I look at Miracle's smile and the joy that radiates from her every single day.
• 27:21
  And that was not an easy journey. And she just graduated, right? She did. She just graduated. And she's still figuring out next steps in life. But she is the best thing that has happened to our family and to my kids and to, you know, Evan, our little son, who we adopted during COVID and...
• 27:40
  Miracle's part of us. Yeah. Jesus stokes. And she, but more importantly, Jesus loved miracle way more. Yeah. Than we could have ever climbed those mountains. Right. And he knew. He knew every, and that's what I say, like with Tulsa Girls Home and Project Orphans, it's just a name for an outlet of God's doing. Right. And what he's telling. Right. And it's scary to put to yourself, I think, when anyone starts something new. Yeah. Yeah.
• 28:09
  We're all afraid of failure. We're all afraid of what is someone going to think. This has been the loneliest journey. Yeah. There was no big church behind us when we started. It was very lonely. And you bring in another foster care child who has a tantrum in front of someone, you lose friends. Yeah. And I would just say, and then when we opened the Tulsa Girls Home, you know, there was...
• 28:32
  So much opposition, a whole entire community against our neighbors, and then a whole community rallied against us. But that's, that's heavy to carry alone. And people don't like jumping into fights, right? Like we don't want to, you know, do that. But sometimes the Lord is saying, and especially in this day and age, yeah.
• 28:50
  Don't be silent for the things that God has called us to do. Right. And the things that we are supposed to look differently. And if there was ever a home that needed a foster care child and put foster care kids next to you, I hope you would be willing to say, yes, I want this right next door to me so I can pray over those kids, bring those brownies. And I look at my girls now at Tulsa Girls Home and my daughter Miracle and every foster care child.
• 29:16
  Shame on us for allowing us to think that these kids are unrepairable or wrong or bad. No, no. These are kids who God loves and he's saying, these are my children. Because that's exactly what it says in the Bible. How you treat the orphan is how you treat me, how you loved me. Right. And God's going to use them as world changers. Yeah. Yeah.
• 29:40
  Right? Yeah. Well, this is so, I'm just so excited that you're able to bring this story. And I really, really want to encourage you at home. If you're listening right now and you're saying, you know, maybe you're hearing God's calling to make a difference in your community, to make a difference where you're at, you know.
• 29:58
  Brittany is an amazing lady, but she wasn't some big president of something of a country or anything. She was just called and she listened. And I think each of us every day are called in our actions every day to be the hands and feet of Jesus. And are we doing that?
• 30:13
  I think now more than ever, we as a nation, we as a country, we as a world, we need that. And these young ladies need that. I want to encourage you to find out more information about the Tulsa Girls Home, about Project Orphan. They have a wonderful social media page, and you can Google them and get in touch and find ways that you can help Brittany and her team.
• 30:34
  make a difference in these young ladies' lives who are going to go out and change our world. This is who's going to be running our world. And we just appreciate everything that you're doing. So thank you so much for being here, Brittany. I look forward to talking with you again, and we look forward to seeing you all next time. Thank you, Amy, for having me.
• 31:08
  you