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I Lost a Friendship Over Sports, and Here's What I Learned · Voices for Voices®

• 0:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hi everybody, it's Justin here, Voices for Voices.
• 0:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you very much for joining us, whether you're watching, listening, here in the United States or across the world.
• 0:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We can't have this show, we can't have this organization, Voices for Voices, without you.
• 0:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So thank you very much.
• 0:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Whether this is your first episode or you've been with us from the beginning.
• 0:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You've been with us from the beginning, welcome back.
• 0:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If this is your first episode, welcome to the Voices for Voices family.
• 0:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Come as you are.
• 0:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So everybody's welcome.
• 0:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're grateful to be where we're at and have the ability to uh essentially talk and share.
• 0:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it's it's something we don't take lightly.
• 0:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So when we share sometimes sensitive information, you know, about our feelings and and and that um and maybe other topics, it can um it can feel like a a a different show, but uh what we've learned to do is to just be transparent, and that's usually the what we've learned is the best way.
• 1:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So the information we share, the experiences we share are in stories we share are in good faith and the best of our knowledge.
• 1:39
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• 2:17
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• 2:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm a little biased because this is my baby, not my real baby, but you know, as far as starting an organization, uh, and starting a podcast, uh, you know, looking back and and and now saying, wow, here we are, making a difference.
• 2:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're reaching people in all corners of the world.
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• 2:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so if you do have that phone out, download the rest of the far episodes.
• 2:57
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• 3:03
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• 3:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh go ahead again, read uh download uh the previous episodes and maybe even reach out and send the Voices for Voices podcast.
• 3:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh share that with maybe 25 or 50 contacts in your phone.
• 3:24
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• 3:27
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• 3:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You don't have to pay a dime extra to do those.
• 3:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you very much.
• 3:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So many people have done that, uh, that have skyrocketed our uh our downloads, our views, our listens, uh, whatever you want to call it, uh, analytic-wise.
• 3:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But again, if we're able to just reach one person, that that is huge to impact uh one person because that one person is tied, not physically tied, but they they have family, they have friends, they have work friends, they have you you name it, teammates.
• 4:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so it affects a lot of people.
• 4:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I think that's something that I know I I forget from time to time that when somebody says, Oh, Justin, you're helping one person, well, it's not just that one person.
• 4:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we just uh explained that why.
• 4:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh yeah, so got back into the flow of things at the gym uh this morning, uh took two days off, let my body like recover, rejuvenate, and went yesterday.
• 4:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh we did uh uh we did it, we did chest, and then today we uh we did shoulders.
• 5:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So they're back to back pretty pretty wild to do those.
• 5:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um again, it's not about the amount of weight or the amount of stretches or any of that.
• 5:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's just about trying to stay in motion.
• 5:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, because I do a lot of seding.
• 5:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I think we all do, our fair share.
• 5:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And and so I want to I want to help put that in a different direction for me.
• 5:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, so for my health, and then that help my health reflects also on my family, friends, you get it.
• 5:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And for so many years, I've I've heard, you know, uh exercise is some of the best medicine.
• 6:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it really, it really has been for me.
• 6:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh the reason why I say it a little hesitantly is because I don't know if I'm gonna fall off the horse per se of going to the gym because it has that newness feeling of going and working out, like when the weather changes, if I'm still gonna be in that mindset to get out of bed, brush my teeth, you know, do all those things we talk about, uh, and then go and and do a workout.
• 6:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So as we know, once we get there, once we get to the gym or wherever, what wherever we go, if we're going to the park, we're going for a walk, what wherever that may be, uh it'll be interesting because I'm I'm really trying the best that I I can.
• 7:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And again, a lot a lot of people are watching and listening.
• 7:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so we'll we'll see where we're at in six months for the for the gym.
• 7:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh I hope I'm still having that, you know, being invigorated.
• 7:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and and again, just getting there.
• 7:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I get to the gym, I'm gonna I'm gonna do something.
• 7:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Maybe it's just doing some cardio, maybe it's just walking around the indoor walking track.
• 7:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Maybe it's swimming a little bit.
• 7:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um they're working on the pool, the indoor pool, uh whatever that may be.
• 7:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So just getting there, and I think that's the way it is for maybe you, maybe somebody else, that whether it's the gym or or or another thing, another event, another experience, that once we uh we we kind of tell our body, like, okay, Justin's body, we're gonna get up, we're going to the gym, and that that's that's final.
• 8:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's just what we're gonna do.
• 8:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh or we're gonna go to ballet, or we're gonna go to dance, or what whatever you're those things.
• 8:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're gonna go to drama.
• 8:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh I think there's a lot of drama in the world already, but uh so it's a little interesting to say, you know, drama, or maybe you go into a debate.
• 8:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I know debating is and has gotten bigger and bigger uh over the years.
• 9:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh unfortunately, like I I was, I guess I was the lazy student when I was in high school.
• 9:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I didn't really parti you know, did some sports, and then you know, we've we've talked about those on other episodes, so I'm not gonna rehash that.
• 9:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um but I didn't take advantage because I was like, I don't want to be in, I gotta stay at school for a practice or for you know uh you know, the speech and debate meets or like tournaments, and you know, sometimes they take like a whole Saturday or most of the day on the Saturday, and it's like I I don't I don't want to do that, but that's okay.
• 9:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We don't have to.
• 9:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We find our thing, we find our niches, um, you know, the things that fit our personality, our ourselves, that we enjoy doing, not that we're being told you gotta do this, you gotta do this.
• 10:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like we have to do it because we want to do it, and I think that's a big, big takeaway is doing things, whatever those things are, whatever those, whatever they are, doing them because either we want to do them, we want to do them because a friend is doing them, or because somebody externally, like a family member is saying, Oh, yeah, you should do this, you should do that.
• 10:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And while those are good things, and it's nice to get that positive reinforcement, positive feedback, absolutely, it's it's great to get that.
• 10:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But I I look at things and think, well, whatever it is, or whatever they are, the things, the experiences, the sports, the whatever it may be, we're gonna be the ones doing it.
• 11:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And at a certain at a certain level, at a certain time, you know, it starts out like when when you're starting school, where there's a lot of activities where everybody's included.
• 11:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I think that's great to give everybody the opportunity.
• 11:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But then as the grades go higher, and as our you know, our child and your children maybe, or friends, family, aunts, uncle, nephews, nieces, granddaughter, grandson, whatever that may be, at a certain point, the energy and the time commitment becomes something you have to manage.
• 12:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it's hard because if you have a child that likes to do four or five things, and if those four or five things are anywhere near the same days of the week and the times, it can be a real a real heartbreaker to have to tell your child or you know, the the child that you're the guardian of, uh, etc.
• 12:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That they have to choose.
• 12:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So then it gets to the point of okay, what do I really like to do?
• 12:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And there might still be some of that I call that frienditis.
• 12:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, I just made that word up, so I don't think it's in the dictionary.
• 13:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Where if our friends don't it, we want to do it.
• 13:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If our friends don't it, we want to do it.
• 13:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's gonna come a point where we have to make the decision of what do we want to do because our friend may or may not make the team make the squad uh or vice versa, where our child or children are, you know, they they might not make the team or uh the squad and a friend might.
• 13:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so those are all things that I'm not looking forward to because I I I remember growing up and it being I I remember one friend so so vividly, oh my gosh, and I've tried find finding him and to reach out and to offer my apologies.
• 14:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um so I had a friend, you know, growing up where you know, through church and and that I met and I was going to parochial school for a couple years, and and so we stayed in touch.
• 14:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Then it got to the point where it was like seventh grade basketball tryouts and there's me thinking, oh well, I'm right.
• 14:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Certain times we go, oh well, I'm better than somebody else at something.
• 14:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, somebody else is better than us at something too, so it goes both ways.
• 15:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And as I was making to teams, he was making them, wasn't getting a lot of playing time, and we really I just did a I just did a poor job of maintaining that friendship because when we were younger than that, you know, sixth, seventh, eighth grade, you know, we would we would get together, they had a pool, so I remember so many days going over to his house and going swimming and us just hanging out, and then I would sometimes have a ball game that that evening.
• 16:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So then, you know, I'm trying not to utilize a ton of energy for the game.
• 16:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Anyways, we were doing lots of things together, and and that kind of went by the wayside, and that was my fault.
• 16:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh I mean it wasn't anything dangerous, anything like that.
• 16:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It was just more of like that separation was happening where I was making the team and certain things, and I wasn't I wasn't showing him the same respect that I should have continued to show him.
• 16:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I turned into a person that was maybe different outside of school, outside of the ball teams that I was on.
• 16:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So it's like, oh well, for if I'm with the ball team, and if if I'm able and I'm picked to play the game, and my friend for so many years isn't picked or doesn't play that much.
• 17:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I I just didn't, you know, looking back, I I I just did a very poor job of that, and it it's one of those things where I I I hope I get a chance to um to apologize and and and uh at at some point because I it obviously right, hindsight's always 2020, you can always look back and go, Oh, I should have did this, I should've done that.
• 17:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, I I just yeah, it was it's just a very, very hard thing.
• 18:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So with our children, and I mean I have one child, but just our children as a society, those things start to happen.
• 18:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know, friends that we're doing activities with sometimes their taste changes and they go, Oh, I don't like doing this anymore, or I don't want to do this anymore.
• 18:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Or I have this other friend that wants to do something different, and so then my child could be like, wait a minute, I thought we were you know doing this, you know, together, and anyway, so I'm I'm I know I'm talking a a lot and I'm you know, the whole trying to relay a story of the unforgiven, where I haven't been able to forgive or I haven't been able to seek and get forgiveness for how I behaved.
• 19:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um because I could see myself still being friends to this day with this person and his family and what however again I don't I don't know much of any trying to locate and send messages, but if if he gets a message and his mind goes all the way back to where you know back when we were growing up, because I'm just amazed of myself at certain things.
• 19:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm able to like kind of turn back the clock at like certain situations and go, how did I remember that?
• 19:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And there being so many other things, like where I'm I I'm not able to remember.
• 20:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um so I think I think it's it's very it's key as a parent and guardian, a friend.
• 20:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We want to give our our children talking about like in the world, like when to give our children the best the the best opportunity best opportunity to succeed in things that they want and they like and they enjoy.
• 20:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And then when it gets to the point where might not make the team, might not make the squad, or maybe make the squad, maybe make the team, and that friend or those friends don't, that's when I feel like that separation that I I just spent 10 minutes or so on.
• 21:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I feel like that's when that comes in into play.
• 21:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: When it's like, alright, now it's we only have 10 spots, and there's 40 people 40 people, 40 children.
• 21:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So if there's only 10 spots, and there's 40 children, that means 30 aren't gonna make the team.
• 21:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And then on top of that, out of that, those 10, depending on what sport, I don't know, again, I think I'm referring to basketball.
• 21:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm not sure.
• 21:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Maybe it's 12.
• 21:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: 10 or 12.
• 21:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um and so there's there can be times where we did we don't make that team.
• 21:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I mean, I talk about Michael Jordan that he was cut from his, I think his fresh.
• 22:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: High school team.
• 22:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And you see where that landed him.
• 22:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so there's always I don't want to say always.
• 22:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: A lot of times there are ways to redeem ourselves a little bit when we get older.
• 22:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And that's where I'm talking about the forgiveness and trying to you know share that and be authentic and be transparent.
• 22:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And you know, if these individuals still haven't forgiven, I can't do anything about that.
• 22:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: All I can do is try.
• 22:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: All you can do is try.
• 23:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: All anyone can do is try.
• 23:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know, it there's so many of us that don't know our purpose of why we're on earth.
• 23:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Why why me instead of so many others that have passed away?
• 23:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: One last point on that that friend that I was talking about.
• 23:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So my parents were friends with his mom and dad.
• 23:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so when my dad passed away, and we were talking about like who do we contact?
• 23:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Who do we who do we let know in the family, friends, and all I had brought that up to reach out to that friend's uh family and we kind of lost track again of where where they're at or what have you.
• 24:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So it's just a very delicate situation.
• 24:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know, we try to do the best we can.
• 24:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And sometimes our best is not doing very good at all.
• 24:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like we don't see things, we're not we're not able to process situations as well as we should.
• 24:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You're right, nobody's perfect, we get that.
• 25:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But just being able to able to share how maybe how rude I was, maybe not I I d I don't know.
• 25:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It I don't I don't really know the words that I'd I'd use.
• 25:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I all I know is went from being really good friends, playing swords, pla in the summertime, swimming for hours and hours, and I mean that's one of the things that I remember doing a lot.
• 25:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We didn't have a pool, we didn't belong to a pool, I don't think.
• 25:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so if I could swim with you know, hot summer days, you know, we would hang out and play and just like kids.
• 26:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We were outside, we didn't have screens the way we do now.
• 26:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So it would be hours and hours that we would we would we would play.
• 26:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And those would be lot lots of days that we would do that.
• 26:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm just looking because Lucy's up to something, she's chewing on something.
• 26:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't know that she's supposed to, but I digress.
• 26:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I I I I guess to you know wrap this up, yeah.
• 26:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We we can only do the best that we can.
• 26:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And sometimes sometimes the best we can is not right, is not good, as good as it could be.
• 27:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But that's where that redemption comes in.
• 27:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like I'm I'm trying to redeem myself with this past friend.
• 27:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Lucy, no, we don't chew on that.
• 27:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: No, no, no.
• 27:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And she's chewing on a bracelet, so I have to say no, we can't do that.
• 27:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So try try what you want.
• 27:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If it's what your friends do, great.
• 27:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If it's not, it'll help build that character in in you, and and you'll be able be able to decide what you like to do, not what your friends like to do, not what a parent or anybody else in family or coach or you you gotta do it because you want to do it, not because somebody else wants you to do it.
• 28:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And if you're not having fun, make sure you tell your parents or your guardians, just let them know.
• 28:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because here's the deal: these activities not only do they take a lot of time, they take a lot of money too.
• 28:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so if if we're not liking what we're doing, and we're just doing it because a friend's doing it, well, that's that's money that could be spent on something that you really like doing, you enjoy it, you you look forward to it.
• 29:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But it all comes down to us just being the unique individuals that we are.
• 29:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We do the best we can, we try to redeem ourselves, apologize when we can, whether somebody wants to hear it or not.
• 29:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's not perfection, it's just called being human.
• 29:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So thank you for joining us on this episode.
• 29:50
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• 30:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That helps us greatly.
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• 31:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're so glad to have you with us.
• 31:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're sending our love, our support to you and to all human beings across the world.
• 31:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So until next time, let's celebrate all the voices of the world and let's be a voice for not only ourselves, but maybe somebody else in need.
• 31:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we'll see you on the next the next show.
• 31:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Bye for now.