Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Jon Stewart on Trump_s Alternate Reality _ Michael Kosta on Mamdani_s _Penghazi_ _ The Daily Show

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Jon Stewart on Trump_s Alternate Reality _ Michael Kosta on Mamdani_s _Penghazi_ _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Folks, I am re-energized.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: We've been gone for the month.
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: For the entire month of August.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: I assume the same for yourselves. Now that we are
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: all as a country synced up on the French calendar,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: we all took the month off. Because I think we
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: learned from experience. August is a dead zone. People are
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: on vacation. The news ticker slows to a crawl. Just
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: a series of Black Bear and swimming pool videos.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: So I checked out.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Rejuvenated. just out of a kind of morbid curiosity, did
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: I miss anything at all?
• 0:38
  Speaker 4: President Trump rolling back decades of childhood vaccine guidance.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Threatening to demolish the Kennedy Center.
• 0:44
  Speaker 5: Trump's attack on mail-in voting, suggesting that he'll take over
• 0:47
  Speaker 5: the midterm elections.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: President Trump siding with North Korea. Crisis at sea aboard
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: the USS Lincoln.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Conditions so bad, there are reports of sailors attempting to
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: jump overboard.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Trump threatening to wipe out Iran. Threatened to bomb Oman,
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: a U.S.
• 1:00
  Speaker 6: Ally.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Saying that he was going to use the U.S. military
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: against the bond market.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: No! Oh no! I'm old again!
• 1:17
  Speaker 7: I'm old again.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I love that we thought, I needed a beard to
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: look old again.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: Oh no! Pretty. God, it never ends with this dude Trump.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: I've never seen one person work so much and fix
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: so little. It's exhausting in a way that's difficult to articulate,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: which is why one of the stories from this past
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: August did resonate with me so much more deeply, and
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: that's the plight of the USS Lincoln.
• 1:55
  Speaker 7: 5,000 U.S. sailors and Marines serving on the USS Lincoln
• 2:00
  Speaker 7: stepping on dry land for the first time in more
• 2:03
  Speaker 7: than nine months. The once gleaming aircraft carrier docking in
• 2:07
  Speaker 7: Thailand after 286 days at sea, covered in rust after
• 2:12
  Speaker 7: a record-setting deployment.
• 2:13
  Speaker 8: Do you see it?
• 2:15
  Speaker 9: Look. Look.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: Look carefully.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Do you see?
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: Let's do the before. Let's do the after.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Do you see the metaphor?
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: This ship, a.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Symbol of American might, ingenuity, technical know-how, patriotic determination, laid
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: low by prolonged exposure to relentless, corrosive elements, reckless mismanagement.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: This ship, do you see?
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: It's not the USS Lincoln.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: It's not. It's just U.S.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: It's just. It's us. We're the ship.
• 3:00
  Speaker 10: This is what we look like as Americans inside.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: After 18 months of this presidency.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: Worn.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: And by the way, we don't get the one-week Thai
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: sex trip to try and paper it all over. We
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: just have to suck it up. I want you to
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: look at the picture of this rusted ship. Look at it!
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Don't look away.
• 3:28
  Speaker 10: I want you to think about the visible, tangible, actual, indisputable,
• 3:34
  Speaker 10: factual signs of corrosion on this ship.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: This is the president discussing it.
• 3:41
  Speaker 11: People on the Lincoln, they say it's beautifully maintained and
• 3:44
  Speaker 11: beautifully taken care of.
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: It's not! It is obviously not.
• 3:53
  Speaker 7: Look at it.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Look at my precious.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: The actual Abraham Lincoln is in better shape than this chip.
• 4:08
  Speaker 12: Beautiful.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: A beautifully maintained, beautifully taken care of ship doesn't look
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: like the abandoned bridge near my high school where we
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: used to smoke weed.
• 4:25
  Speaker 9: It doesn't.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: And it's this, the relentless denial of reality that is
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: just one of the elements eating away at the foundational
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: load-bearing structures that hold this country together. Us and the
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: other corrosive element by God, the other, the memes.
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: Overnight, the trade war with Canada continuing to escalate.
• 4:52
  Speaker 5: President Trump posting a hockey cartoon mocking Canadian Prime Minister
• 4:56
  Speaker 5: Mark Carney as governor.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: What the f.
• 4:59
  Speaker 9: * * *?
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: First of all, I can't believe AI has gotten so
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: advanced it can fit Trump's ankles into ice skates.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: That's not real.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: That can't be right. The computer generates it.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're in a full-blown trade war with Canada.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Real consequences. Here's what they're hearing from their leader.
• 5:21
  Speaker 13: In the face of unjustified, unprovoked tariffs from the United States,
• 5:25
  Speaker 13: we're stepping up. When we're united, there's nothing the Canadian
• 5:30
  Speaker 13: workers can't do.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: Oh, Jesus. Here's what we're getting. So Lake Ontario, that's gone.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: Lake.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: America, thank you very much, everybody.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Enjoy Lake America.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: You can't just that's not how things work. You don't
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: settle complicated international agreements by writing just a new name
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: on the map and expecting everyone to just follow along.
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: Google Maps is complying with President Trump's executive order renaming
• 6:12
  Speaker 5: Lake Ontario to Lake America.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I can feel the rust eating me. Canada's our second
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: largest trading partner. 60% of our oil imports come from Canada.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Half of our timber. We get parts for cars and planes.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Not to mention 100% of our Carly Rae's Jepsen.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: Why would we be trolling them?
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Is that the plan? To troll them into submission? Treasury
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Secretary Scott Bassett, surely you have a more substantive understanding
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: of the Canada-United States dynamic?
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: How do you see all of this playing out?
• 6:55
  Speaker 14: Well, you know, Laura, I had a German shepherd, and
• 6:59
  Speaker 14: there was a dachshund that used to antagonize her at
• 7:01
  Speaker 14: the playground. Oh, yes.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: The playground.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: As dog people famously refer to the place they take
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: their dogs to play. Yes, well, my shepherd friend and
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I were enjoying a sphere retrieval.
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: Session at the playground.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: You know dogs are truly one of man's closest associates.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: But carry on with your trenchant, completely real story analogy.
• 7:40
  Speaker 14: And this little yippy dog, they used to just like
• 7:45
  Speaker 14: bark away. And for a long time, 110 pound German
• 7:50
  Speaker 14: shepherd was ignoring the dachshund. And then one day she'd
• 7:55
  Speaker 14: had enough. And unfortunately, Prime Minister Carney did walk away.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: Is it weird?
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: That the Treasury Secretary is at some sort of German-only
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: dog playground.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: The German Shepherd and the Dachshund!
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: They're joined by the Schnauzer and the Weimaraner!
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: They can enter, but this doodle is a mutt! It's
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: a mongrel! A mixed-breed doodle, unclean!
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Sorry Germany, you brought these jokes back yourself. But seriously,
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: who is the United States in this analogy anyway? Are
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: we the dachshund? Are we the shepherd? Did Canada walk
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: away from the deal? Were we the ones who blew
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: up the deal with last minute stuff?
• 8:56
  Speaker 9: I spoke to President Trump over the weekend after the
• 8:59
  Speaker 9: breakdown in negotiations with Canada. He did not dispute that
• 9:02
  Speaker 9: the U.S. added conditions late in the talks. He said, quote,
• 9:07
  Speaker 9: that sounds like me, end quote.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: That sounds like me? That sounds like me? It sounds
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: like me. It just happened.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: This isn't some story from the frat days where you're like,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: woke up in a pool of my own vomit in
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: a trade war with Canada. Yeah, I guess that sounds
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: like me. But I'm married now, settled down. But in
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: those days, man, me and the boys sure could derail
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: in negotiations. God, can you just feel the metal buckling
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: on our starboard side? But with the trade war now here,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: the news media has been quick to jump in and
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: explain what's at stake.
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: Americans are now facing higher prices.
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: Some examples, milk, honey, smartphones, liquor, and even wigs and
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: fake beards.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, beauty.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: I'll never let them take you. But hey man, Canada,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: it's about time you learned a lesson, Canada. That's right,
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: don't around and yet still have to find out for
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: some reason. And if you think Canada got raked over
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: the coals, Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner headed to Russia
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: to let Vladimir Putin know what we thought of their
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: war of aggression in Ukraine.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, who's the dachshund in that room?
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: So, first of all, President Putin, thank you so much
• 10:49
  Speaker 5: for having us. We were sitting outside just now, me, Jared,
• 10:53
  Speaker 5: and Carol, and then Yuri joined us, and we were
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: all talking about when we retire, we'll have all these
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: incredible stories and incredible memories, and yours will be right.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: At the top of it all.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Jared and I just want to thank you. This has
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: been the best semester abroad.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: I said I wasn't gonna do this.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: The best semester abroad Jared and I could have ever
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: asked for.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: And by the way, what the is going on with Jared?
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: He looks like he pre-poisoned himself.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: Do you really tell?
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: He lives in Miami full time now.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: By the way, why are we even over there negotiating
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: with him?
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Why can't Trump just get out the old one-two here?
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: Why can't he just look at that and go like, oh,
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: you know what we should do?
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Here's what we'll do.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: And we'll call it love-istan. Oh, there we go. It's
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: all fixed. You seeing this shit, Google?
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: Now, I know that the naysayers out there are all
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: going to go, oh, oh, but that thing you drew, John,
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: that's not real. It's not real. But isn't that the trick?
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: Isn't that the whole game that's keeping this incompetent ship
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: of fools of an administration afloat? You've been filling up
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: your tank these past six months, probably feeling like gas
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: prices are high.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: Well, joke's on you.
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: How much longer will Americans continue to see these high
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: gas prices?
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: Well, they're not very high. You think they're high. They're
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: not high.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: They're actually gas gaslighting us. And you may say, oh, oh,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: but you know what? Even Trump. can only stave off
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: reality for so long that the cumulative effects of high
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: prices and punitive and chaotic tariffs and reckless wars and
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: narcissistic self-aggrandizement will take an inevitable toll that cannot be denied.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: And yet, and yet, that's well maintained.
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: Every presidency in a second term, his poll numbers usually
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: start to decline and he starts to weaken.
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: And That's happening to you.
• 13:32
  Speaker 7: No, it's not.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: Fake polls. I have great poll numbers. You have great
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: poll numbers.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: Sure, presidential polls.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Are scored on a scale of 1 to 30, right?
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: At 32, you're killing it. And by the way, where
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: does Trump get the idea that his policies are having
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: a positive impact?
• 13:54
  Speaker 11: I have people coming up to me that have 401ks.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: They said, you know, I was a disaster. My family
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: wouldn't talk to me.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: They thought I was a total loser.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: And now I'm like, the one guy said, I feel
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: like Warren Buffett.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Oh, I see.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Trump gets it from fictional interactions.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: From people whose families had cut them off because of
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: portfolio performance issues. I went no contact with my parents
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: because the underperforming index funds.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: Are toxic.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: And you may say that you don't know that these
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: interactions didn't happen. Oh, but we do, friends, we do.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: We know by the way Trump describes the interactions.
• 14:39
  Speaker 11: Every day I come to the White House, people are
• 14:40
  Speaker 11: thanking me.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: Thank you, sir. Thank you. Thank you, sir.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: Bullshit.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: First of all, you don't come to the White House.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: You live there. You don't come to the White House
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: every day. Your commute is stairs.
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: And anybody you run into works there.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: But I'll let you continue describing the regular folk you
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: run into on your way to work.
• 15:11
  Speaker 11: No, these young, beautiful girls. These young, beautiful girls. These young,
• 15:16
  Speaker 11: beautiful girls in the White House.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: What's with the three times? You trying to Beetlejuice this shit?
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Tell us again.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: No, I mean it. Tell us again, what do.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: All the young, beautiful girls that you run into on
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: your commute to the White House from the White House,
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: what do they tell you?
• 15:44
  Speaker 11: These gorgeous, beautiful girls, they want to be safe and
• 15:49
  Speaker 11: they come, Mr. President, may I speak to you?
• 15:51
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: Thank you, sir. Thank you.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: I said, why are you thanking me?
• 15:54
  Speaker 11: Because a year and a half ago, I was afraid
• 15:57
  Speaker 11: to leave, I was afraid to open the door of
• 15:59
  Speaker 11: my apartment And now I walk to the White House
• 16:02
  Speaker 11: every morning and I have absolutely no fear.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: Thank you, sir.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Well, that is true. It was pretty chaotic around the
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: White House a while back. I do remember that.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: But Trump cleaned all that up.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: It's fine.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Let's save it.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Back in every city. Look, there is a part of me,
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: I have to say, that thinks fighting his reality distortion
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: field is slowly killing us all, is rusting us out
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: from the inside like that poor battleship. Maybe living in
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: it is better. Maybe it's just better to be the
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: guy in the Matrix going, I don't know, blue pill's
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: not so bad. Reality has stake.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: In that one.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: But I know too much. How do I even get there?
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Who would even give me the blue pill?
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: She's one of President Trump's closest aides, Natalie Harp.
• 16:51
  Speaker 9: Harp's nickname is the human printer because she follows the
• 16:54
  Speaker 9: president everywhere with a laptop and printer, feeding him a
• 16:58
  Speaker 9: steady stream of positive news stories.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Yes, Donald Trump has an individual whose whole job is
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: to reinforce his warped reality. And if you think you
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: might go into that field and we're wondering what kind
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: of qualifications you might need, buckle up.
• 17:15
  Speaker 15: An aide so devoted that she sprints alongside his golf
• 17:19
  Speaker 15: cart when he's out on the links.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: She once jumped in the trunk of an SUV to
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: ensure she would be able to be with the president
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: for a court appearance when there weren't enough seats in
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: the motorcade. Reportedly slept in the Bedminster women's locker room
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: to be closer to.
• 17:33
  Speaker 8: Trump, who wrote him letters that can only be described
• 17:36
  Speaker 8: as love letters.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: Quote, I never want to bring you anything but joy.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: For the sake of my own sanity, I'm gonna pretend
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: that's referring to the dishwashing liquid.
• 17:49
  Speaker 8: Let's start with the big event that finally kicked off tonight.
• 17:53
  Speaker 8: Fans from across the country filled the stands to cheer
• 17:56
  Speaker 8: on big, sweaty men with brain problems at Trump's midterm
• 18:01
  Speaker 8: convention in Dallas. We'll have more coverage tomorrow, so you
• 18:06
  Speaker 8: don't want to miss it. Everyone's going to be there,
• 18:08
  Speaker 8: and I mean everyone.
• 18:10
  Speaker 16: Are you going to the midterm convention?
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: No, I'm going to be in my district.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, fine, okay, fine.
• 18:16
  Speaker 8: That guy's not going to be there, but everyone else
• 18:19
  Speaker 8: is going.
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: Are you planning to go to the Republican convention next week?
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: I'm planning to be in my district.
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: I have to be in the district because I have events.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: I'll be in the district traveling across the district. Damn it.
• 18:31
  Speaker 8: Does everyone have a district nowadays? Okay, fine, they're out too,
• 18:35
  Speaker 8: but it's not like everyone's campaigning. At least the rest
• 18:38
  Speaker 8: of the GOP can go.
• 18:40
  Speaker 15: I want to get there, but I've got a few things.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: My son's playing high school football, and I promised him
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: I would not miss any of his games.
• 18:46
  Speaker 8: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, a classic midweek high school football game.
• 18:50
  Speaker 8: That's why they call it Wednesday Night Lights, baby. Clear eyes,
• 18:55
  Speaker 8: full hearts, can't go. Okay, that guy's out, but everyone else.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: My son's getting married in Greece.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Congratulations.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: Destination wedding, so I have a good excuse, right?
• 19:09
  Speaker 8: Son, I need you to get married in Greece this week.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: I know you don't love her, but this is important.
• 19:17
  Speaker 8: But don't worry, everyone else is going that didn't have
• 19:20
  Speaker 8: stuff planned.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: I had stuff already planned in my congressional district.
• 19:28
  Speaker 8: I didn't know stuff was a political term. I thought
• 19:31
  Speaker 8: it was just what I told my wife what I
• 19:33
  Speaker 8: was doing when I drink alone in the garage. But look,
• 19:36
  Speaker 8: it's not like they're all just trying to avoid Trump
• 19:38
  Speaker 8: like the plague because these excuses are valid.
• 19:42
  Speaker 15: House Appropriations Chair Tom Cole says he has a can't-miss
• 19:45
  Speaker 15: dove hunting event.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: You can't miss dove hunting. Eat lead, symbol of peace.
• 19:55
  Speaker 10: All right.
• 20:02
  Speaker 8: So a lot of the people aren't showing up to
• 20:04
  Speaker 8: the convention, but don't worry. Mitch McConnell, he's already there.
• 20:09
  Speaker 8: His office just posted a photo, and he's looking better
• 20:13
  Speaker 8: than ever.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: That's proof.
• 20:21
  Speaker 8: But the midterm convention isn't the only big event happening
• 20:24
  Speaker 8: this week. Hey, tell him what else is going on, J.D.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: 9-11. We're about to celebrate the 25th year.
• 20:32
  Speaker 8: Yeah, okay, well, we're not going to celebrate it, J.D.,
• 20:36
  Speaker 8: Happy 9-11, everyone. I brought Rice Krispie Towers.
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: J.D.
• 20:47
  Speaker 8: Vance sounds like me when there's a Jewish holiday coming up.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: Happy Yom Kippur. Is this a happy one?
• 20:53
  Speaker 8: I don't... Okay, so we're not going to celebrate 9-11,
• 20:58
  Speaker 8: but we are going to commemorate 9-11. And one thing
• 21:02
  Speaker 8: I always think about is how in the days after
• 21:05
  Speaker 8: the attacks, President Bush made a genuine effort to defend Islam.
• 21:11
  Speaker 12: These acts of violence against innocents violate the fundamental tenets
• 21:18
  Speaker 12: of the Islamic faith. And it's important for my fellow
• 21:23
  Speaker 12: Americans to understand that. Islam is peace.
• 21:27
  Speaker 8: Boy, we really didn't know how good we had it,
• 21:31
  Speaker 8: did we?
• 21:35
  Speaker 6: I mean.
• 21:43
  Speaker 8: I'm not saying this man was perfect, but that was
• 21:46
  Speaker 8: a full, coherent, non-racist sentence.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: Hindsight, huh?
• 21:52
  Speaker 8: The point is, back in 2001, President Bush was imploring
• 21:55
  Speaker 8: the country not to lump all Muslims in with the
• 21:59
  Speaker 8: terrorists who committed 9-11.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: So now it's 25 years later. Hey, how's that going?
• 22:04
  Speaker 15: An online petition is calling for New York City Mayor
• 22:07
  Speaker 15: Mamdani to skip this Friday's 9-11 memorial ceremony.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: Why don't you go visit one of the mosques you support?
• 22:13
  Speaker 9: It is now racist to be wary of a religion
• 22:16
  Speaker 9: that calls for the killing of anyone that doesn't subscribe
• 22:19
  Speaker 9: to it.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Doesn't feel very racist to be Islamophobic. Seems kind of sensible.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: All of the Muslims he supports are murderers. Okay, I
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: guess some of you guys might have missed the Bush speech.
• 22:33
  Speaker 8: So yeah, it sure seems like people are mad that
• 22:36
  Speaker 8: the mayor of New York is going to attend a
• 22:39
  Speaker 8: 9-11 memorial while being Muslim.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: And Mamdani can't be happy about that, but he's staying
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: above the fray.
• 22:45
  Speaker 8: Just last week, he signed a proclamation declaring September 11th
• 22:49
  Speaker 8: a citywide Day of Remembrance. It's the kind of solemn,
• 22:54
  Speaker 8: serious ceremony that I'm sure his critics will.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Be happy about. Right?
• 22:59
  Speaker 6: Right? Right?
• 23:03
  Speaker 12: It is being called a slap in the face to
• 23:05
  Speaker 12: the families of 9-11 victims.
• 23:07
  Speaker 15: He handed a ceremonial pen to his, first his one staffer,
• 23:12
  Speaker 15: then he puts it in the hands of Ramzi Qasim.
• 23:15
  Speaker 6: All right.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: Well, so much for that. And also, wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 23:18
  Speaker 8: What are you complaining about? Who is Ramzi Qasem? I mean,
• 23:22
  Speaker 8: from his name, I can guess what you think is
• 23:25
  Speaker 8: wrong with him. But I'm going to let you say it.
• 23:29
  Speaker 15: We know he's Mamdani's chief counsel. That's fine. But he
• 23:33
  Speaker 15: once represented a convicted al-Qaeda member whose brother-in-law hijacked the
• 23:38
  Speaker 15: plane that struck the Pentagon.
• 23:41
  Speaker 8: Ah, okay, so apparently the mayor shouldn't come to Ground
• 23:44
  Speaker 8: Zero because his lawyer's former client's brother-in-law was one of
• 23:51
  Speaker 8: the hijackers, and then that guy was in a movie
• 23:54
  Speaker 8: with Kevin Bacon. First of all, I don't like the
• 24:06
  Speaker 8: implication that I can be held responsible for the actions
• 24:09
  Speaker 8: of my brother-in-law, okay?
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, he married my sister.
• 24:13
  Speaker 10: Yuck!
• 24:19
  Speaker 8: But secondly, just because a lawyer represents someone doesn't mean
• 24:23
  Speaker 8: they support their actions. John Adams defended the redcoats accused
• 24:27
  Speaker 8: in the Boston Massacre because he believed everyone had the
• 24:30
  Speaker 8: right to legal counsel.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: And yeah, that's right.
• 24:33
  Speaker 8: I stayed awake for the first eight minutes of the
• 24:34
  Speaker 8: Paul Giamatti miniseries, so suck it.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: So fine, maybe you don't.
• 24:42
  Speaker 8: Like that this guy's in Mamdani's administration.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: But why do you care that he gave him a pen?
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Everything that the mayor does is very scripted, and he
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: is giving subliminal messages.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: This is things that he are doing intentionally.
• 24:57
  Speaker 6: He's spitting in the face of victims and survivors of 9-11.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, this was symbolism.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: It was cryptic, but it was a message.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: Seriously?
• 25:13
  Speaker 8: He gave a pen to everyone. It's not like when
• 25:16
  Speaker 8: he passed it to Ramzi Qasem, he went... But, okay,
• 25:28
  Speaker 8: if he really is sending a message, who is he
• 25:31
  Speaker 8: sending the message to?
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I hate to even say this, Laura, but, you know,
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: it's a message to Osama bin Laden that, look, we
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: conquered New York.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: A message to Osama bin Laden. Lady, guess what? I
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: have some great news for you.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: The United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: bin Laden.
• 26:01
  Speaker 16: Yeah!
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: We did it!
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: 15 years ago!
• 26:12
  Speaker 8: Look, I know nothing I say is going to convince
• 26:15
  Speaker 8: the Mamdani haters, but if you ask me, the idea
• 26:18
  Speaker 8: that 9-11 is about Muslims versus America isn't just wrong.
• 26:22
  Speaker 8: It's accepting Osama bin Laden's vision of the world. And
• 26:26
  Speaker 8: the fact that 25 years after 9-11, we have a
• 26:29
  Speaker 8: New York-grown Muslim mayor leading our remembrance.
• 26:40
  Speaker 8: Proves proves to the world that Al Qaeda didn't win,
• 26:44
  Speaker 8: New York won.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: So yes.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: So yes.
• 26:53
  Speaker 8: Everyone is welcome at the 9-11 ceremony, and look, I
• 26:56
  Speaker 8: would be there, but.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: Unfortunately, I'm going dove hunting, and it's can't miss.
• 27:03
  Speaker 8: We're less than two months away from the midterms, which
• 27:05
  Speaker 8: means you've got just under 60 days to find out
• 27:07
  Speaker 8: who your representative is and what Congress does. Republicans are
• 27:12
  Speaker 8: laser-focused on keeping their majority in Congress.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: How's it looking?
• 27:16
  Speaker 8: Democrats are leading in most of this November's key U.S.
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: Senate races.
• 27:20
  Speaker 8: The likelihood that Democrats actually flip the House is approaching
• 27:25
  Speaker 8: 70 percent.
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: Republicans are facing many challenges, including high gas prices and
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: the president's growing unpopularity, with 64 percent in a new
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: NBC News poll saying they disapprove of his job performance.
• 27:42
  Speaker 8: Americans are so unforgiving. You know, you lose one war,
• 27:47
  Speaker 8: you blow up one economy, you give people one explosive diarrhea.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Get over it.
• 27:52
  Speaker 8: At this point, the only people Trump is pulling well
• 27:56
  Speaker 8: with is the company that makes the number five that
• 27:58
  Speaker 8: goes on gas station price boards.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: Business is through the roof. But seriously, these polls are bad.
• 28:05
  Speaker 8: Bad news for the GOP, which is probably why they're
• 28:07
  Speaker 8: trying something new this year.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: Their first ever midterm convention in the country's.
• 28:13
  Speaker 8: Most exciting city, Dallas. The stakes are high, so Republicans
• 28:23
  Speaker 8: need to go big.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: Hello, Dallas.
• 28:35
  Speaker 8: Sir, that's not what they meant when they said Trump
• 28:37
  Speaker 8: loves giant knockers. Fun fact, that's a normal-sized gavel. He's
• 28:45
  Speaker 8: just a very small man. All jokes aside, fellas, remember,
• 28:52
  Speaker 8: it's not the size of the gavel that matters. It's
• 28:54
  Speaker 8: the size of your penis. Once they got the comically
• 28:59
  Speaker 8: large gavel out of the way, they brought out Senator
• 29:02
  Speaker 8: Tim Scott, who wanted to make his stage time count.
• 29:06
  Speaker 6: Hello, Dallas! This midterm, we face the most dangerous, radical,
• 29:15
  Speaker 6: and frankly, weird Democrat candidates in American history. Here in Texas,
• 29:22
  Speaker 6: you got James Tallarico, The Democrats, extreme candidates, won't rip
• 29:32
  Speaker 6: that heart out of our chest.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: They hate our culture. They hate what it means to
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: be American. Hear me, Dallas. Not on our watch. We're talking.
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: About Jesus!
• 29:50
  Speaker 8: Does this guy have range or what? He can do
• 29:54
  Speaker 8: preacher on cocaine. He can do wrestler on cocaine. He
• 29:59
  Speaker 8: can do stand-up comedian who's on his normal amount of cocaine.
• 30:03
  Speaker 8: This is a level of energy that can only be
• 30:05
  Speaker 8: described as my six-year-old two minutes before bedtime every single night.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: Honey, go to bed. The Lord does not want me
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: to sleep tonight.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: Jesus!
• 30:20
  Speaker 8: And now let's keep this high-octane party going with the
• 30:24
  Speaker 8: always electric Texas Senate candidate, Ken Paxton.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: You're battling for your life, Ken.
• 30:32
  Speaker 8: It's one of the biggest races in the country.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: You show America what you've got.
• 30:37
  Speaker 16: I will fight to preserve the American dream. James Tallarico
• 30:42
  Speaker 16: is running to destroy it. He is a democratic socialist
• 30:48
  Speaker 16: who never met a tax increase he didn't love. California
• 30:53
  Speaker 16: already has two senators. It doesn't need a third. Said
• 31:00
  Speaker 16: God is non-binary. I must have missed that verse in
• 31:03
  Speaker 16: the Bible.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: Oh, no, he didn't make anyone laugh. That guy's awful.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: Are they really.
• 31:14
  Speaker 8: Running this charisma black hole in one of the most
• 31:17
  Speaker 8: important Senate races in the country? President Trump, you endorse
• 31:20
  Speaker 8: this guy, so you have to sell us on him.
• 31:23
  Speaker 11: He may not dress right, he may not talk exactly perfectly,
• 31:27
  Speaker 11: and he may not be the best-looking guy I've ever seen.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: Sold!
• 31:34
  Speaker 14: Jesus!
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: Don't let Donald Trump be your wingman.
• 31:40
  Speaker 8: Hey, my broke, dickless friend across the bar. He thinks
• 31:45
  Speaker 8: you're cute. Also, he smells bad. You want to go
• 31:48
  Speaker 8: home with him? But you know what?
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: Trump doesn't need Ken Paxton to keep the House and
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: the Senate. He has a secret weapon, and it's called
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: a bribe.
• 31:59
  Speaker 11: Because we've done so well, and because our country is
• 32:03
  Speaker 11: making progress, So much money. If the Republicans win the
• 32:07
  Speaker 11: House of Representatives and the United States Senate, I will
• 32:11
  Speaker 11: issue a dividend to every adult citizen in the United
• 32:15
  Speaker 11: States of America for $ 5, 000. Holy shit, $ 5, 000?
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: $ 5, 000, that's two trips to the grocery store.
• 32:28
  Speaker 8: Or one if you buy raspberries. I like how Trump
• 32:33
  Speaker 8: calls this a dividend. Do you know when businesses hand
• 32:35
  Speaker 8: out dividends? When they're raking in money. The last time
• 32:38
  Speaker 8: I checked, we as a country have negative $ 40 trillion
• 32:42
  Speaker 8: of money. America should not be handing out dividends. We
• 32:45
  Speaker 8: should be faking our own death and starting a new
• 32:47
  Speaker 8: life in Thailand. But look, you do have to acknowledge
• 32:54
  Speaker 8: the political appeal of a promise like this. I mean,
• 32:56
  Speaker 8: we can all think of something we'd love to do with.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: $ 5, 000.
• 33:00
  Speaker 8: Me, personally, I would donate it to abandoned children.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: I feel bad about abandoning them, so it's the least
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: that I could do.
• 33:12
  Speaker 8: So I don't know how well this will go over
• 33:13
  Speaker 8: with Democrats or deficit hawks, but I'm sure Trump's supporters
• 33:16
  Speaker 8: are ecstatic.
• 33:17
  Speaker 5: $ 5, 000.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: Promises to all Americans if the Republicans keep the House
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: and Senate.
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: Not bad.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure that's okay, but I think it's kind
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: of fun.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: And you know what?
• 33:30
  Speaker 8: That's what being president's all about, having fun. Even Brian
• 33:35
  Speaker 8: Kilmeade didn't know what to make of this. I'm not
• 33:38
  Speaker 8: sure that's okay, but I think it sounds kind of fun.
• 33:40
  Speaker 8: He sounds like Trump just asked him to throw rocks
• 33:42
  Speaker 8: off the overpass. But unlike Kilmeade, I'm not conflicted at all.
• 33:48
  Speaker 8: I'm excited to get this money. And Trump said we're
• 33:51
  Speaker 8: going to, so it's definitely gonna happen.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: Now, has he made similar offers before that went nowhere?
• 33:58
  Speaker 8: A $ 2, 000 tariff rebate check and the $ 5, 000 Doge dividend?
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: Neither of those ended up happening.
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 34:06
  Speaker 8: Okay, but you know how sometimes you live on Maple Street,
• 34:09
  Speaker 8: but your mail goes to Maple Drive? Well, maybe that
• 34:13
  Speaker 8: just happened to every single person in America. So yes,
• 34:17
  Speaker 8: this is just the latest in a cycle of Trump's
• 34:19
  Speaker 8: behavior with the American people. He promises a huge payout.
• 34:23
  Speaker 8: That never happens. And then he promises an even bigger payout,
• 34:26
  Speaker 8: and then that never happens. And this spiral is exhausting, poisonous,
• 34:31
  Speaker 8: and it makes you question the very health of our democracy.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: And look, I'm not sure that's OK, but it is
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: kind of fun.