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Leading with Compassion: Addressing Burnout and Mental Fitness with Cate Collins · Authentic Living

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Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have conscious conversations
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about things that really matter in our lives.
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And now here's your host, Roxanne Durgesh.
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Hi, everyone.
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It's Roxanne Dur Thanks for hanging out with us again, this week.
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Today, I have a dear friend, Kate Collins, and Kate and I had been hanging out goodness.
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It's almost three and a half years now.
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You're right.
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Every morning, for three and a half years since the pandemic We knew each other before.
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We are are also members of the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers, and we're
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actually National Board Not the thing that we're
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I know.
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All the similarities.
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And so Keith has been on the show before, but I wanted Kate to come back Kate wrote her book
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and launched it.
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It was last year.
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Right, Kate?
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2020.
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2020.
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Was it 20?
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I know.
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It was mine that was last year and mixing them up.
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And I thought that today would be a good day to invite, Kate, back because I think what we need
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a little bit more direction on is leadership and burnout.
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And Kate is an expert in this arena with leaders and their teams.
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So, Kate, tell us now Keith's business is the powerful journey consulting inc, but we'll get
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put everything in the show notes so you can connect with her.
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So, Kate, tell me a little bit about what's what made you kind of land doing this kind of I
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I'm always fascinated when with why that we end up kinda in the past that we do.
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I would have to say it was in the early nineties.
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These are earned.
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And I was brought to my knees.
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I had experienced a very severe burnout.
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I found myself hooked up to an EKG machine and thinking for sure I was having a heart attack.
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I was completely petrified.
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I still remember calling my mom saying, I think I'm having a heart attack.
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And she said, go to the hospital.
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And only to find out, of course, that it was an anxiety attack, which I had never experienced
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before.
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And I was so dumbfounded by the whole thing.
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And yet when I say those dumbfounded, I realized this type a person, you know, I had a
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lot of balls in the air and that's the truth of it.
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I was between being on committees and boards, and I was an entrepreneur even though I was
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working for the government.
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And I had so many things that it was so obvious to the outsider, but it wasn't to me.
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And so, really, it was a pretty dark time in my life.
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My marriage ended up I I I ended my marriage soon after.
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There was a lot of things that came from it.
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And I think that when they say that the light can't come in sort of unless the the blinds are
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somewhat open.
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And I think for me, thank goodness the blinds were halfway up because I really needed that
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light because it was a really dark time.
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And for me, ironically, I ended up taking it stressly, which wasn't very common back then.
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And, sure enough, it was a former boss and good friend of mine that said, Kate, we don't talk
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about burnout enough in our field.
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I was a family and children's councilor for many years.
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And he said, we need you need to do something about that because you're a natural presenter.
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So on my stress leaf, I actually created his stress management course.
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Which I then started it just started to say, well, Snowball.
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I was surprised and pleasantly surprised, and, it took off.
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And people were really saying, yes.
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Yes.
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Like, I've been suffering in silence.
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Thank you so much for for putting a name to it.
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Thank you for giving strategies.
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Thank you for not making this a shameful thing.
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And I think as a leader, I don't know about you, Roxanne, but when I was an executive
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director of an organization, I know you've also been in senior leadership as well, it gets
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lonely at the top because now all of a sudden, these people that were your peers and your
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friends and your colleagues, now all of a sudden, you're supervising them and It's a very
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different experience.
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Now those healthy boundaries need to be put in place and you gotta be mindful of, you don't
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wanna be seen as favoritism and all the sort of thing.
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So for me, I think that that's really where my sweet spot is supporting those leaders that do
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feel alone, that feel isolated, that feel like they've got this secret.
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And the truth of it is we I'm so thrilled we're talking more and more about our mental health,
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and it becomes more of a common conversation.
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At the water cooler, at cocktail hour, all of those things.
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And I think it's really, really important.
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And I think the leaders that I work with, primarily I'd say at least 85% of them are
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either heading towards burnout.
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They're in it or they're on the other side.
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So that's really where I help them.
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I'm able to cycle, fortunately, my own pain and be able to I did a whole lot of research.
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I'm a bit of a research junkie and to be able to support them.
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And then, of course, from my book, the powerhouse in you, how to lead with greater
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resilience, courage, and confidence, I share some of my own stories and the stories
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obviously anonymously, of many of the leaders that I've coached.
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So I wanted it to be, like, you're picking up my book and you're sitting with a cup of coffee
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or a cup of tea, And wow, she gets me.
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She totally gets me, and I really want to tap into what's going on in here, because we we
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spend a lot of time up when they say it's the longest journey, they're not kidding.
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Well, you alluded to something a type personalities I don't know, like, maybe a
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couple of us on this podcast might relate.
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Oftentimes, a type personalities are quite high functioning people.
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And I remember when I was watching, we were actually at the human resources development
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event together, and Kate was on a panel, and I was on a panel, but I was listening to Kate.
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That was the first time I'd really listen to Kate's share her experience and up there were,
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likewise, 4 or 5 CEOs that were sharing their experience.
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And what what struck me was these were amazing brilliant people running quite successful
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businesses, and each one of them talked about it taking an event.
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To to kinda come to their knees.
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And like what you said, when you say to your mom, Hey, ma, I think I gotta go to the
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hospital.
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That's what was your sign.
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When you're working with leaders now or let's say if whether it's the senior executive level
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or or CEOs, Kate, Do a lot of them have stories like this, or do you find that there's been a
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shift where they're starting to recognize it a little bit earlier?
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Now Kate's gonna talk about her rooms.
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But I'm wondering if you can explain the rooms and talk to me about which room are they
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generally coming into, or is it a catastrophic kind of thing that brings them to you?
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Where you're introducing them to some of the different groups?
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It's a that's a really, big question.
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So I guess a couple of things I wanna say is it can be a combination, but I would say for
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particularly coming out of the other side of the pandemic where we still have untreated
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trauma for not only the leaders, but their teams as well.
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And that's what's happening.
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We've got a lot of people with 3rd degree sunburns going on.
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So people are being triggered all the time.
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And so what seems like it's just a a a mistake or It's not a big deal.
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All of a sudden, there's a huge hurricane eruption that happens sort of in the emotional.
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So I have found that the theme has been primarily with the leaders I've worked is that
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they are knee deep in the burnout.
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There has been an event.
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Could have been an accident.
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Could have been.
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They were in physical accident.
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It could have been that They were at the bargaining table and they just couldn't take
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all of the duress.
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It just kinda heaped on top of each other, everything.
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And then it seems like it's one thing that and the cards go down.
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I think that this is a common theme.
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I don't know Roxanne a few experiences as well, but with the leaders that you work with, but
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for me, a lot of the leaders are so protective of their teams, and they're like the mama
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bears, I call them, and it's a beautiful thing.
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But papa bears, the mama bears, And I think that, but what I would typically get a lot is,
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okay, you go coach my team, k, you go do a leadership retreat.
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You do a manage I want you to work with my team don't worry about me.
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So we have to shift that mindset to say, look, if you're not functioning, if you're not
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anchored, if you're not okay, That is gonna ripple down to everybody else.
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I had one leader.
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She she kind of put the stop sign up numerous times to me even though All the signs of
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burnout were there, exhaustion, brain fog, absolutely no joy.
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She felt literally zapped of joy in her life, She felt that everything took her, like, five
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times longer to do.
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She just was so out of focus.
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And then finally, she said, Kate, I have my husband showering me because I got nothing
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left.
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I got nothing left.
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And and I share her story only because we think, oh, that would never happen to me.
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And we're talking someone who's a brilliant leader.
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I think sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees.
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So in answer to your question, I think that, yes, with them, we have mental health month, we
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have all that bell talk.
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So I think we're really stimulating the conversation more, which has been helped pull.
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And I think that more and more leaders are seeking out coaches like you and I, which I
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think is really important So they know they're not alone.
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They need champions on their side.
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Those objective people that hold them accountable and also remind them, let's back
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again, how are you shortchanging yourself in this particular situation?
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So I think for me, certainly, I would say during the pandemic, it was the crisis It was
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the burnout deep down to the knees, much like what I experienced.
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Now I think what I'm experiencing more is people literally, they they hang on for so
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long.
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It's like the kitty cat, right, on top of the nerves that now is gonna jump because they
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can't hang on any longer.
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Now they're about to go into it.
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I get sort of people coming in on various levels of the of the spectrum.
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Sometimes it could be they see me speak and they go, you know what?
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I just realized.
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Your playful k to vote is your underwear too tight.
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Is your leadership underwear too tight?
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And I realized, dear god, mine's so I'm just I'm so I'm so intense about everything, and I
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realized I need I need some support on this So it can happen at at various levels, which is, I
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think, important.
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I think that there are definitely different trends.
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I think, yes, there is more of an awareness I think that probably too, when you and I start
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to share our stories like we do with people and our own leadership journey and that burnout
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recovery, and how the darkness of what it feels like, the isolation, the shame, the low self
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esteem, the anxiety, the fear.
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Oh my gosh.
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It was total fear.
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I was was running my life.
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And yet on the outside, you saw this together, Kate.
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I can remember.
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Right.
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And absolutely.
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And I have a similar story in that.
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And I know you've heard it when I, done my opening story in my keynote, but quite
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literally, it took me being knocked out because I was let likewise, I was an executive and at
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high high level piece of stress at a young son and likewise was dealing with some issue at
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home.
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But it's like the universe kinda said, okay, Roxanne, you're not listening.
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And the story was I was in Toronto leaving a corporate meeting and got knocked out.
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And what did I do?
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I went back to work a week later.
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And now I look back, and I think not too long after that.
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There was a lot of restructuring.
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I got a severance package.
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So it's interesting.
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Right?
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Like, here I am.
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I'm managing a portfolio of almost 50 companies.
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So I thought, oh my goodness.
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How am I how's everybody gonna cope with this?
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And then going back after a week, which I was not ready, clearly, and then somehow doing it.
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And in retrospect now, if I could talk to that younger version myself, I would have said, just
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go off.
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Get the help.
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Do what you gotta do.
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But, again, like you're saying, the last man person standing is oftentimes the leader, but
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they sometimes might be more unwell than their team.
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Their the team that they're leading.
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Oh my gosh.
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Absolutely.
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I just heard recently.
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I can't take credit for it, but we have two hands for a reason.
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One is to serve and one is to support ourselves.
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And I think one of the brilliant concept because I think that I don't know about you,
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but I was raised with Everybody else gets served first.
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Everybody else gets taken care of.
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Even if, like, I don't even know what my mom was on the list for a long time for many years
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growing up.
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So that was what was role model.
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And I don't blame my mom.
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It's just that's that was her era.
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And I think we need to start to take a step back.
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I call it the pause, important pause, that necessary pause to go, okay.
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Is this working for me?
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And I think that all I know is that I can't keep giving and giving.
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I can only fake it till I make it for so long.
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The reality is I'm gonna run dry, and it's gonna show up in various behavior.
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I'm gonna emotionally a wreck, or I'm gonna be reacting to things that I never did before.
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I joke and kinda say I either could be a wet noodle or I could be a grizzly bear coming out
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of the coordination.
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It's like the wet noodle cakes.
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So to me, I just know, and it's one of the things I talk about is the importance of hope.
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I'm hungry, angry, lonely or tired or haven't had exercise, I need to take care of that
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before I make a decision right now.
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And I think as leaders, We need to be reminded of these very simple, very practical
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strategies, but they're game changers.
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Like, I know if I haven't slept for 2 or 3 night, you know, who knows what's gonna who's
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gonna show up?
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I've gotta make sure where some people I know like my husband, he can operate on 4 or 5
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hours.
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I cannot.
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I'm an 8 hour gal.
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Like
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I'm in that club too, Kate.
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If I take that at that 8 hour time as well.
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Now let's talk a little bit about this and I've been doing some speaking.
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And recently, I I I did a half day training with leaders.
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I think one leader, the CEO, and the senior management team.
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What came out of that?
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That was interesting because there was a lot of different generations in that room.
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Wanna talk to you about that because I often said when I got my first job, it was like,
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okay, Roxanne.
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How can you jump?
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And I'm gonna jump higher.
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And so there was definitely a generational divide in that room.
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So on a reference to the younger generation is say I am prioritizing, and I am taking care of
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myself and the the older leaders in the room are saying they're not doing their jobs.
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Right.
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So I want you to just kinda tell me a little bit about your experience with that and kind of
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when you're working with teams.
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Are you seeing that divide?
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Or
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It can certainly happen.
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I know I did a, presentation in Vegas, and it was called build a highly engaged workforce.
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For an international association.
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And and what I talked about is what we need to do is stop separating.
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We need to stop separating, whether it's females and males separating the different age
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groups, what we need to say is what are the strengths of each, and let's come together?
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So if I don't make the assumption, I can remember being part of a team and the one team
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member who is Millennial said, don't assume I know everything about technology because I
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don't.
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And I thought, that's a great point.
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We had various exercise.
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I had them being various exercises, and I thought, what a great idea.
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Like, right away, we assume certain things.
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So to me, it was like, how do we make a bridge?
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That's my big thing.
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You've got the the season people who it's all about.
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You give it your all 300%.
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Now In some cases, maybe their families have suffered.
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I'm not making that judgment call only they can.
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Sometimes the families have suffered because of the workaholism, the the pattern that was
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formed with that belief system.
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Now you've got millennials, which we've learned, particularly during the pandemic, is,
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hey, I don't wanna be stuck somewhere in an office.
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I wanna be able to work anywhere in the world.
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I think there's so much we need to learn from each other.
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I think that, hey, where they're looking at seasoned employees as saying are their
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colleagues, You're like, change your desk.
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I have no desire.
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This is gonna be one part of which one season out of many in my life.
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And I think you know, we can go into the the finger pointing, but I don't think it serves
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anyone.
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I think it's what do you bring to the table?
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That really is your strength that could really help and support me.
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And what do I bring to the table that will help and support you?
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So I think that, yes, we need to acknowledge.
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Let's focus more on the unity.
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I'm a firm believer that it's really what we focus in on that gets bigger.
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So if my focus is the the separation and the differences, then I'm gonna get more of it.
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If I focus more on how can we bridge that our talents and and all of that together, then
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amazing things can happen on a team.
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I've seen it.
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I witnessed it.
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And when people really put talent, their pointing finger, It's unbelievable.
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The egos get checked outside the building, and it's it can the creativity flows in a way that
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that they hadn't experienced before.
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So I think, yes, it exists as far as because they're different arrows.
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Think about what John and your son, like, They're a reason on technology as much as Yeah.
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They would be.
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My son would walk around, but I'm back with his his head cropped like he was holding a
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telephone.
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It was a little baby telephone.
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I'm like, what are you doing, RJ?
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He goes, oh, I'm working.
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Oh, how come he goes?
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Because isn't that what daddy and you do all the time?
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See, this is what we've called.
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Right?
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And I like this.
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So, of course, yeah, absolutely.
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But I think to your point, Kate, that alignment about the win or the teams and what's
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interesting when you do get the different And and, of course, in this room, there was
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ultimate trust.
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So they could say they taught one particular young female talked about the fact that I can't
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find daycare.
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So if I can't find daycare, I'm gonna need more flex time but then you hear an older female,
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which I was in that category now saying, when I need a daycare, I had to figure it out, whereas
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now the younger generation having the ability to flex time.
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And then the other manager saying, we can't always flex your time kind of things.
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But being able to be clear about that and be open and known and safe enough to talk about
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this different perspective.
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Right?
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So be able to kind of creatively say, okay.
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Well, Yeah.
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There's waiting lists for daycare in my area.
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Those types of things so that they strategically, the company can plan a little
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bit better.
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Based on the level that females are at and those steps.
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But I think it's having everybody hear each other out because everybody has a perspective
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that they're bringing to the table.
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That could be put forward and at least it can hash it out to understand minimally.
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What we're talking about too, really, Roxanne, is compassion.
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Like, One of the common phrase I use a lot with leaders is, so what if you were to lead with
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love in this situation?
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What would that look like?
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And then they go, oh, yeah.
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Like, I hear some way to say, okay.
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You're in my head again.
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So but it sounds so corny.
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People say, well, love in the corporate world Love.
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Are you kidding me?
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Yeah.
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I am talking about that.
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We've got so many people right now that are struggling that have got this quiet desperation
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on.
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In some should be the people you'd be surprised about, and it all covers that breaking point.
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So to me, it's okay.
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Behavior has a purpose.
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It's not just with children.
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Behavior has a purpose.
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Is this out of character for her?
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Is this out of character for him?
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And if it is, rather than jump all over, then let's go to the back story.
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What's happening?
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So I don't I noticed, Susan, you're not you weren't yourself.
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You really you had a pretty strong reaction at that meeting.
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I'm just curious.
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What's up?
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What's going on for you?
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And so coming from that place of love and compassion, her response is gonna be very
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different than why?
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What's the problem?
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Because I think we've got people that are juggling.
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We've got financial issues, serious financial issues that are going on.
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We've got people with addiction issues.
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We've got people with mental untreated mental health issues.
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We've got all kinds of stuff within the family dynamics, whether it's separation, whether it's
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all kinds of things.
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And I think I don't know about you and the community I am.
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There seems to be a pot store in every box.
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So no judgment on anybody that chooses.
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I'm telling you there's I have a little town of seventy thousand people.
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There's two of them.
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Oh my gosh.
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2.
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And I'm like, We have one grocery store, but we have 2.
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Right?
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Yeah.
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We're just outside of a very large, so I guess a 130 thousand people, and there's one on every
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block.
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Like, it's just unbelievable.
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And some of them are actually on the safe block, so I can't figure it Are we being
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encouraged to dumb down?
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Yes.
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I think we are.
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So I think that which leads me to my Four rooms, I think as a leader more than ever, we
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need to be vigilant on really checking in with ourselves because you see, what I don't
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check-in with myself about, I will act out.
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So let's talk about the rooms.
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And if you can maybe take us through each room and give me maybe one tip or one thing for
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people to maybe potentially think through in every room, one so that they can kind of start
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to gauge where they are.
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I would love that if you could walk us around through the rooms.
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Sure.
21:27
So there's Four rooms in total.
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I'll just go do a quick overview.
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It's your mentally fit room, your emotionally fit room, your physically fit room and your
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spiritually fit room.
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And it's so simple, and I've had leaders from Across the Globe saying, Kate, this is such a
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simple, simple technique.
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But I use it all the time.
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And so the intention is just checking in and saying, okay.
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So what's my mindset right now?
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Mentally, how am I doing right now?
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Is there any limiting belief showing up in this situation.
21:54
Is there any way that I'm blocking myself from maybe connecting with this person, or am I
22:00
really is my mindset open to other possibilities, or have I already created a
22:04
decision before I even listened to them?
22:07
We think lots of times that we're really good listeners there's so many stats and research
22:11
out there about how leaders view the organization, how the middle managers view it,
22:16
and how the frontline staff view it.
22:18
And it's very different.
22:20
It's very different.
22:21
So to me, in the mentally fit room is we need to check-in with have I been open?
22:25
Have I been willing to hearing other people's views about a situation, or am I shutting down?
22:31
Because for the sake of time, because I have very limited time.
22:35
It's just like next, next, So it's really important to be able to be aware of that.
22:40
The emotionally fit room is probably more important than ever before.
22:44
And that is that that just that gentle check-in, which I think is really important.
22:48
Like, I think that when I work without a lessons that we're in trouble, They struggled
22:52
and it was, hey.
22:53
What's up?
22:53
Like, asking ourselves, what's up?
22:55
What's up?
22:56
What do I need right now?
22:57
And it may be not that I can give it to myself in this moment, I only have 8 more meetings to
23:01
do.
23:02
However, maybe it's I'm going to make sure that I journal tonight.
23:06
Maybe it's the fact that Hey, I'm gonna schedule a time with my friend who always makes
23:11
me laugh, or I'm gonna schedule a a coaching call with my coach or a therapist.
23:16
I think that's really important to create time to check-in with yourself on a daily basis.
23:22
The third, as I mentioned, is your physically fit room I'm a firm believer that, again, what
23:28
I don't give myself permission to feel, it shows up in my body and aches and pains.
23:33
So I don't know about you, but for me, it's my neck.
23:35
Sure.
23:35
I could say I was in a car accident when I was pregnant with my son.
23:38
Sure.
23:39
That's getting triggered when I'm under stress.
23:40
But this right here represents flexibility for me.
23:44
So where's Kate being the master of the universe again?
23:47
So I I am aware that I can still be that driver.
23:50
I can still push myself and expect too much for myself.
23:54
And we talked about this earlier, before we get on the call rocks in.
23:57
And as we get older, we start to go, woah, I need to conserve my energy.
24:01
And quite frankly, I don't even know if that's an age thing.
24:03
I think it's really about where do I need to conserve my energy?
24:07
And I think it's really important.
24:09
So physically, I think find that sweet spot, find that activity, that allows you to release
24:15
and also anchors you.
24:16
So for me, it's weights.
24:18
I love I've been really getting into weights lately.
24:20
Fitness has been a big part of my life since I was a teenager.
24:24
However, the weights I find doing them at least three times a week, and it's only for 20
24:28
minutes.
24:29
It's not enough.
24:30
That's all you need, naturally.
24:32
And for me, it's been the golf and pickleball, like, beautiful.
24:36
I suck at both.
24:39
But guess what?
24:41
There's something about hitting that ball, Kate.
24:48
But there's something you're outside, you're moving, and then the tired part of me, which is
24:53
to your point, my body's tired, And the pickleball court is just 2 minutes away.
24:57
So I walk there.
24:58
Right?
24:58
Yeah.
24:59
And then I'm like, oh, I'm so tired.
25:00
And then I get there.
25:02
And then I play for 2 hours.
25:03
For 2 hours.
25:04
And I'm like, I'm not even tired.
25:07
Wow.
25:07
Because it was my body that was tired because of what was happening in my mind and what I was
25:11
feeling.
25:13
Demonstrating your whole room concept.
25:15
And then I'm walking home saying, you know, like I live along the river, I've looked at the
25:19
river, and then I'm looking around the neighborhood, I've got a beautiful place that I
25:23
live in because now I've released to your point the emotions that I'd stored up from probably
25:28
sitting in my office for 10 hours and then I'm fine again.
25:32
And I'm like, oh, I feel pretty good.
25:34
Alright.
25:34
And you if you ask me to play pickleball, I'd rather put a fork in my eye.
25:38
See, it's one of those things where we all that's why it's so important.
25:40
It's what makes you happy.
25:42
Yeah.
25:42
I know.
25:43
It elevates you because I know for me, I have different things like my walk and then I do
25:47
pilates and I do yoga and I spread it out throughout the week.
25:50
However, there's certain things I don't wanna try, and that's what the goal is.
25:54
And I love to cycle.
25:55
I love to bike, but I do not I've got a mentor of mine.
25:58
If you can imagine, she's seventy five years of age.
26:01
She just did twenty five ks, biking.
26:04
Wow.
26:04
And she was with someone who was in her forties.
26:07
And she kept up.
26:08
And I think I'll be your cheerleader.
26:10
I'm not doing it, but good for you.
26:12
But for me
26:13
on the sidelines with my little flag,
26:15
I mean, my hubby and I went, we we rode for an hour an hour 10 minutes, and, boy, my heart was
26:19
going, and I loved it.
26:20
That was that's good for me.
26:22
I I I think it's so true.
26:24
Like, some people kind of go, oh, I have no time to exercise.
26:27
Are you kidding stop yourself during the day?
26:29
Get outside.
26:30
Take 10 minutes.
26:32
Just do a walk.
26:33
It'll literally shift everything.
26:35
It'll shift your mindset.
26:36
It'll give you that attitude adjustment.
26:38
If you need one, It really does give you that do over.
26:41
And then, of course, finally, it's your spiritually fit room.
26:43
I think it's important.
26:44
We need to know what makes our hearts sing.
26:46
I think that It is really I
26:48
think this is the to speak a little bit more about this because I think oftentimes people
26:52
think it's woo woo and this that or the other.
26:56
So what in your definition is the spiritually fit.
27:00
Okay.
27:00
So, spiritually fit for me.
27:02
I can tell you what, spiritually bankrupt is.
27:04
Let's start.
27:04
Okay.
27:04
Start there.
27:05
And then Bankrupt is is I'm completely empty.
27:09
The well is empty.
27:10
I've got nothing to give you.
27:11
My mind says I should.
27:13
I should.
27:14
I should.
27:14
I should.
27:15
But I got nothing.
27:16
So that's the spiritually bankrupt.
27:18
Now on the other side, the spiritually courtroom says, hey.
27:21
I'm full of joy.
27:23
I feel connected to myself.
27:24
I feel connected to my source, whatever that looks like for you.
27:28
And I think that for me, the spiritually fit room is really it has to do with service.
27:34
How can I give to someone else?
27:35
And giving to someone else, by the way, Roxanne and our very busy schedule could be simply
27:40
actively listening.
27:41
Spirit treatment also includes being present.
27:44
Rather than thinking about your next meeting that you have during the meeting you're in now,
27:49
it's about being present and actively listening to your self listening to the person in front
27:54
of you and being open, I think we're a society that we're experiencing is because we're living
28:01
in tomorrow or we're living 1 hour from now or 10 minutes from now, and it's getting us out of
28:07
this moment.
28:09
I know for me, I'm a huge fan of meditation.
28:12
It's just a game changer for me.
28:13
I feel more energized.
28:15
I get creative ideas when I'm meditating.
28:18
I feel rejuvenated.
28:20
I have more energy.
28:21
So to me, I guess if I could sum it up, really, the spiritually fit room is ultimately about
28:27
connect with your spirit or connecting with your soul.
28:30
And some of my clients, because I've been facilitating retreats for, gosh, 20 years now.
28:35
So for me, it's sometimes it's connecting with nature for some.
28:39
Others need to journal.
28:40
I need to get this letter out.
28:42
I need to say goodbye to a part of myself or that hasn't been serving me or limiting belief,
28:47
or maybe I need to spew out, like, I did this one exercise.
28:51
I've done it various times actually, but this one particular group that I worked with in the
28:55
US.
28:56
And I said, I had somebody walk around with a garbage pail.
28:58
And I said, okay.
28:59
I want you to write out somebody's name that you're still holding a resentment or hurt from.
29:04
So people then I said, okay.
29:05
So now what I want you to do is I want you to just before we do anything, I want you to put
29:10
your hand up and tell me How many of you have experienced that for the last 24 hours?
29:14
All hands went up.
29:15
Okay.
29:15
How about 7 days?
29:17
Most hands were up.
29:18
Then we went all the way to 15, 20, 20 5 years.
29:22
And I said, think about what this is doing to your spirit.
29:25
It is weighing you down, and I'll guarantee That old herd or resentment that you have for
29:30
that boss or for that colleague or for your sibling or a parent or a friend or your spouse
29:38
or ex spouse, then what's happening is that's blocking you from being present in your current
29:43
relationship.
29:45
And so the dilemma is as long as you hang on to that, you're drinking the poison and so are
29:51
everyone around you.
29:52
So then I had them rip off the paper, and it was symbolic, obviously.
29:56
Normally, I would do that with a burning exercise, but I was a little nervous at the
29:59
conference to
30:00
to actually let him off the alarms and stuff.
30:02
Right?
30:03
You know,
30:03
if our department might have shown up, just a minor detail, but but for me, yeah, people were
30:08
saying it to me both during the session and after the session.
30:11
I never thought I thought this was hokey, Kate, but really, the relief that I felt collectively
30:16
people were saying, yes.
30:18
It's time for me to let this go.
30:21
And I think that we have a a blame society.
30:24
Don't you feel Roxanne?
30:26
People are so busy blaming and canceling and just, I think it's really tragic.
30:31
How do we unite?
30:32
We reunite, but, unite by starting with ourselves.
30:35
Start with your heart.
30:36
Start with your heart.
30:37
I'm judging you, then I'm actually judging me.
30:40
So so part of it is is I just need to take go to take that step back I was just sharing in
30:45
our mastermind this morning that I went by this huge yacht last weekend.
30:49
We read an outdoor concert, and it said attitude adjustment on the side.
30:52
I always love seeing where people name their boats.
30:55
And and I thought that's true.
30:57
How often in a day do we need an attitude adjustment?
31:00
How often do we need a spirit adjustment?
31:03
You know what?
31:04
Maybe my spirit's saying, I'm tired.
31:06
Back off.
31:07
All the dogs are.
31:08
I can't take on anymore.
31:09
So if at that meeting that you're at, you're the one that shares the great ideas.
31:13
And they're, oh, what a great idea, Roxanne, why don't you take it and run with it?
31:17
Then maybe part of it is we need to step back and to not feeling this desire and this push to
31:22
keep sharing those ideas if that's the pattern.
31:25
That all of a sudden now you're you're stuck holding the bag.
31:28
I think this listening.
31:30
Right, Pete?
31:30
Like, it sounds like it's just from everything that I teach or the things from my book as
31:35
well.
31:35
It's it's how do you create the space?
31:37
What in whatever way to really listen to that deep down voice that really has your best
31:44
interest at heart.
31:44
And I think with such a plugged in world.
31:47
And I I think that's why anxiety and depression is an such a rise that people aren't letting
31:52
their brain relax.
31:55
And in turn, of course, if your brain's not relaxing, your body's gonna get depleted.
31:59
And and then then people are either heavy or they're they're overstimulated.
32:04
So, hence, they decreased, like, they said of the anxiety of depression, almost 40 to 60%.
32:09
Since the pandemic.
32:10
Right?
32:10
Makes sense.
32:11
We need we need to, take care of our our instrument, which is our entire system.
32:18
Right.
32:18
And and let's face it.
32:19
This five g that we've got going on with our Wi Fi.
32:22
That is wearing us out.
32:24
I say simple things to my audience is for goodness sake stop taking your cell phone from
32:28
take it from your ear and take it and put it on speaker phone.
32:31
That's part of what's depleting our energy is all this technologist's wifi.
32:36
Everywhere you go from a mall to your walking down your street because guess what?
32:40
There's dishes everywhere.
32:41
Everybody's got these 5 cheat dishes.
32:44
And so this is part of so how do we wind down?
32:46
So in our case, in my husband, like, this is how much I'm into this stuff.
32:50
We literally, because we're in a century of home, is that literally on the top of the
32:54
second level, we literally just turn everything off.
32:56
Like, everything goes off at nighttime so that we're not subjected to the Wi Fi.
33:01
I think there's different things that we need to do.
33:03
We need to get out and ground ourselves.
33:05
I know I'm speaking to the creditors.
33:06
We're both right into this, but We need to get out barefoot on the earth.
33:10
We need to fill the grass underneath our feet.
33:13
We know through neuroscience.
33:14
It's very powerful.
33:16
To be able to just take that energy from the earth and come right into our body.
33:20
It's powerful.
33:21
If you can do that 5 minutes every day, it'll just literally rid you of of some of those
33:26
things you've been hanging on to.
33:27
You just had a tough meeting.
33:29
You just had a courageous conversation.
33:31
You've had to let somebody go.
33:33
You've had to hold someone accountable.
33:34
Maybe it was something where it really caused a lot of conflict and you're feeling ill at ease,
33:39
then Part of it is we need to, right away, do a strategy, not wait till 10 hours later.
33:44
We need to do little strategies like that, get outside, ground ourselves.
33:48
Allow that to happen, drink water through the day, all those things.
33:52
I think that as leaders right now, I think we need to take ourselves off of that secluded
33:58
Ireland, and we need to put ourselves with others.
34:00
And how we do that is by being willing to be brave.
34:04
It's one of the things I love about Renee Brown.
34:06
Is that being brave, being willing to be able to say, you know what?
34:11
I'm stuck right now.
34:12
I'm feeling a bit lost.
34:14
Right.
34:15
And to be able to be permissive in a permissive space to say, you know what?
34:18
I'm and I know you and I run-in some of the same circles and we'll say it sometimes.
34:22
I I'm not feeling it today or I'm not gonna make that meeting or I need to clock out early.
34:26
And I think it's respecting your internal space as well.
34:30
And Sometimes we have to change environments as well that, we don't afford you to have that
34:36
space as well too.
34:36
Right?
34:37
I think this is where, again, that pause is important stepping back to go, okay.
34:41
Rather than waiting till all of a sudden on the coach or couches should say, and we've got a
34:45
cold or the flu or whatever might be going on, rather than letting that be your vacation.
34:50
And and and to me, it's like giving yourself those mental health days, giving yourself that
34:54
time on the weekend, just to chill or in the evening and say these are, like, non
34:58
negotiables.
34:59
I'm not gonna like, so for example, I've had people this is probably more of the earlier
35:03
days, but They said, Kate, I reached out to you on Sunday, but you didn't get back to him.
35:07
It was Sunday.
35:09
Yeah.
35:09
Exactly.
35:10
Yeah.
35:10
That was my family day.
35:11
So for some people, they're operating.
35:14
Like, I'm still some people sometimes I'll get an email at 2 AM, and that I have an issue with
35:18
this.
35:18
I gotta tell you, just a pet peeve, I gotta get off my chest.
35:21
Because I know that we are we're again, those type 8 people like myself and yourself, and we
35:26
wanna get it done.
35:27
However, the reality you don't have to read the email at 2 AM, It says, why are you sending it?
35:32
It still left in energy.
35:34
It still says she's working.
35:36
Like, she's like on the treadmill.
35:37
She's going full steam.
35:39
So, therefore, I must as well.
35:40
So you can tell me work life balance.
35:42
You can tell me be flexible.
35:44
Take care of yourself.
35:45
But if you're don't support it.
35:47
Yeah.
35:47
But you're hitting send at 2 AM.
35:50
Right.
35:51
Exactly.
35:52
And we told work life balance is key, and then I'm receiving the lab ticket.
35:57
Oh, okay.
35:58
Well, I'm not stopping doing enough here because look at my she said this or he said
36:02
this to me at 2 AM, and Oh my gosh.
36:04
Like, I I do.
36:05
My shoulders go up when I receive an email at 2 AM or 4 AM or 6 AM.
36:09
And, woah, maybe I'm not working hard enough.
36:11
And I think the truth is what we need to do is we need to find our own way.
36:16
Like, I find myself right now just in the stage of my life where I'm going, you know what?
36:21
I don't wanna be one of those people that when they finally decide to say, okay, I'm gonna
36:26
give up this, maybe, part of my career or my business.
36:28
I'll do other things.
36:29
I'll always be doing other things.
36:31
But for me, okay, so I am wanting to step back a bit now on 4 days a week, then I'll be 3 days
36:36
a week.
36:36
And because my health is I just really believe your health is your wealth.
36:40
I've seen too many people, and I don't know about you, Roxanne, that it seems like a switch
36:45
has gone off.
36:46
And their whole life changes.
36:48
And all the money in the world can't change.
36:50
And and we've seen enough professional people around us or even in our personal lives.
36:55
Right?
36:55
Like, you can see it.
36:56
And I always say when you're unwell to get back well, that's a whole other trajectory than when
37:01
your body and your mind.
37:03
Or or if you're feeling so disconnected spiritually that to go back.
37:08
And when you, all of a sudden, get that diagnosis, the one thing that stops people is a
37:12
physical diagnosis.
37:14
Right?
37:14
And then coming back from there, that's a whole lot of work.
37:18
Right?
37:18
So listening to some of the cues are so key, like, fundamentally, that Kate's talking about
37:24
physical emotional, spiritual, biological.
37:26
We our body is always speaking to us.
37:29
We just gotta slow down to listen and say, okay.
37:31
I've been hearing that same song over and over again.
37:34
My back's been killing me, and I just keep popping the ad bill or whatever.
37:39
Is it starting to take that time to be able to really listen to what you need to do to be able
37:44
to keep yourself well.
37:45
Now, Kate, I know you do a lot of speaking and training and coaching.
37:50
So for any of the leaders listening out there that wanna connect with you.
37:54
Please share with them where they can reach you.
37:56
Sure.
37:56
So, basically, www.powerfuljourney.com.
38:00
Or it could be www.katewithaccollins.com.
38:04
That's probably the best way.
38:05
I'm on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, but probably the best thing is my website.
38:09
Would be the best way.
38:10
That's where they can, take a look at my book if that's of interest to them.
38:13
And then also you can access me through my email there as well.
38:17
I can give that to you.
38:18
It's Kate Collins at powerfuljourney.com, and that's Kate with a c.
38:21
So it'd be love to love to have a conversation if there's some way I can support or me, and if
38:26
I'm not the person, I always say that I maybe I know someone who perhaps can be, that support
38:31
for you.
38:32
I I always say to people that I can't guarantee I'm the person, and I pretty much can tell you
38:36
right up front.
38:37
If I'm not, because I think it's important that we we all have Elaine.
38:41
And, some things we do really well.
38:43
Yeah.
38:43
I'm in a really nice season of my life where I feel that There has to be an alignment.
38:50
There has to be there has to be an alignment.
38:52
So sometimes there are people that I need to say.
38:55
I'm not a fit, but I think somebody else might be a better fit for you.
38:58
And then vice versa, they might say that to me.
39:00
And and I'm really okay with that because I really want that person to to be able to feel
39:05
like someone's a champion for and has their back because that's ultimately what I do.
39:09
And, they they know they've got that safe space to let it all out, let their hair down so to
39:13
speak.
39:14
Again, Keith, what an amazing conversation.
39:17
So what am I worth walking away with?
39:19
I think as a leader, Get quiet.
39:22
Whatever that takes in it, what is it that allows you to listen, to yourself?
39:28
So it could be a physical activity.
39:29
It could be It could be something where you just get quiet and you write.
39:34
It could be sometimes having a good hangout with a good friend because that really helps
39:38
you listen to yourself because it's coming back at you.
39:42
So I challenge you, you know, today within 24 hours according to Kate's concept of the rooms,
39:49
sit down, decide which room are you doing ready well in, and which room needs the help, and try
39:55
to do one activity.
39:56
It any of those four rooms and send Kate an email and tell her how to do that.
40:02
And, again, I'm so grateful for everybody that hangs out with us.
40:07
So I would like you to go in, give us a review, either on Spotify or iTunes, looking to
40:13
increase the people that are hearing about us.
40:15
Things are growing for us, so I'm so grateful for you.
40:18
Again, Kate, thanks so much.
40:20
Everyone, I'll check you out again next week.
40:22
Take care.
40:23
Take care.
40:26
Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive
40:31
healthy change.
40:32
Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
40:39
roxannederhaj.com/blueprint.
40:43
We'll see you next time.
40:44
An authentic living with Roxanne.