Latest / Authentic Living / The Power of Authentic Communication to Resolve Conflict in Teams with Charmaine Hammond

Transcript

The Power of Authentic Communication to Resolve Conflict in Teams with Charmaine Hammond · Authentic Living

0:01
Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
0:08
things that really matter in our lives.
0:11
And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
0:32
Hi, everyone.
0:32
It's Sarah Roxanne Derhodge of authentically living with and thanks for tuning in again.
0:36
Today, I have a colleague, Jermaine Haven't.
0:40
Sharmaine and I have, met through the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers, where of
0:46
which I'm a member and Charmaine has been a part of caps for how long, Charmaine?
0:51
Have you been Oh gosh.
0:52
I think it's more than 10 years now.
0:55
Wow.
0:55
And she's and she has one of the highest designations in the speaking world, which is we
1:00
is the CSP, which is a certified speaking professional.
1:04
And so, Charmaine, thanks so much for coming on.
1:07
Thank you so much for having me.
1:08
Really looking forward to the conversation.
1:11
Same here.
1:11
So, Charmaine, you know, it's it's interesting.
1:15
This, interview was set up through, another podcast situation.
1:20
And and then when I looked at it and I said, you know, I should have thought about this all
1:23
along because I've looked at my colleagues Right.
1:26
At caps and interviewed a lot, but and then when when it came up that you talked about
1:30
trust, I said, my goodness, we have to definitely have this conversation.
1:34
Yeah.
1:35
Tell me a little bit.
1:36
You know, you've been you've written 5 best selling books.
1:39
You've been obviously speaking a long time.
1:42
And she has something exciting that she's gonna share with us about a little animated, short
1:47
that she's developed.
1:48
What's what what got you started kind of working in the realm of of trust in leadership?
1:56
Well, my first career was actually as a correctional officer.
1:59
I worked in the jail system in Ontario and then moved into my first leadership role, at a young
2:07
offender facility and learned a lot a lot by trial and error.
2:13
When I left the correctional system, the community that I moved to, which was Northern
2:18
Alberta Fort McMurray, the jail wasn't open then, and so I needed change careers, and I,
2:25
started running with the executive director of a nonprofit organization.
2:30
And in between all that, I went back to school and trained as a mediator.
2:34
I discovered in working in corrections, the power of trust and the power of effective
2:41
communications in conflict and and in crisis.
2:45
And so I went back to school, eventually got a master's degree, opened up a mediation
2:49
practice, And again, there you can imagine how much I learned about trust and the importance
2:56
of that in leadership.
2:57
I was facilitating a lot of community and workplace conflict scenarios.
3:01
So that's how I kinda got started in all this and then opened up my own business almost 25
3:07
years ago and have been speaking training since then.
3:11
So let's talk about trust.
3:13
Going back to corrections.
3:15
Right?
3:15
Because, obviously, and I would say this that most people that are unfortunately in love with
3:20
the law There's been a lack of safety potentially for with them and relationships for
3:25
good reason.
3:26
A lot of unfortunate things that probably would have happened in their life.
3:30
So I would say being guarded is the first thing they could be assure about assured about.
3:36
I need to protect myself because, unfortunately, you know, maybe things didn't go
3:40
so well for me.
3:41
And now I'm in a situation where I'm not gonna let down my guard.
3:45
Like, a meeting and let it down, but it's gonna take a lot.
3:48
So what did you learn about?
3:51
I'm gonna use the word disarming people because at the end of the day, you know, I think most
3:56
people aren't wanting to be in those facilities.
3:58
Right?
3:58
They, you know, they probably think, well, I don't know how I ended up there, but skills
4:04
that you intuitively maybe had originally, but the that you accentuated in being in the that
4:10
environment.
4:12
Well, one of the early lessons I had in life as a child was around the importance of respect
4:17
and kindness.
4:18
And I grew up in a family where that was modeled and And, I I used those early lessons
4:25
when I worked in the jail system, and that really help me disarm people as you referred to
4:31
it as and build trust.
4:32
I noticed that a lot of my colleagues would have a different approach to working
4:36
relationships, whether that be with the residents or inmates, that were serving time or
4:42
whether it was with staff.
4:44
And I started to discover as well the importance of trust not only amongst other in
4:52
our team, but trusting my own skills and abilities.
4:54
And I had some hard lessons in that.
4:57
And I'm gonna come back to something you said earlier offline.
5:01
The the what can happen when we show up as our best version of our self or being authentic
5:07
that's really critical in this, in that working environment because when I worked with young
5:14
offenders, There this was a really good reminder for me that there was so much distrust
5:20
on their part.
5:22
And when there was incongruence in a staff's, the way they speak and the way they show up, it
5:30
immediately put up flags for the young offenders, and it took a long time for them to
5:35
move past that and build trust.
5:37
So I applied those early lessons of respect and kindness.
5:40
And everybody has can go a long way.
5:47
And my mom told me when I was a I was in elementary school, she said there's always
5:52
something to find that you like about somebody and in tough scenarios and in tough
5:57
relationships.
5:58
Sometimes that's what you have to look for.
6:00
And when I have my eyes open that way, I was actually able to see things with the inmates
6:06
and the residents that I wouldn't have seen if I came from the place of judgment.
6:11
For example, there was a one inmate that just stands out sixteen year old, and he was just a
6:19
profound writer.
6:21
We came across his diary.
6:23
And, of course, for security, you have to check the diary to see what written in there, which I
6:27
never liked doing.
6:29
I didn't like reading the diaries and personal thoughts, but they were actually letters that
6:33
he had written to the staff.
6:35
So when he had made a mistake or asked it out, sometimes he wouldn't apologize to the person
6:43
verbally, but he wrote about it.
6:46
And the stories were incredible and what he was learning about being in the program, being
6:54
human, was so profound.
6:56
And and that changed my perspective of him when I thought this is I I can't wait for him to
7:01
grow up, and I'm gonna buy his books because he is a profound writer.
7:05
And it was just as he spilled, you know, is build his emotions, build his gut, so to speak.
7:11
So I think that's it.
7:12
That's an important point.
7:13
Right?
7:14
So, of course, with my training and I started with the Metro trauma Police, in, you know,
7:18
twenty one years old, out of right out of school, and, you know, that incremental element
7:24
I remember, you know, it's interesting.
7:26
So I'm from Turland to Bagel and grew up there, came to go to school and did that whole thing.
7:30
And I I remember because, of course, Again, we're not growing up with a lot of, you know,
7:34
uncertainty.
7:35
And I remember they they sent me out and there was a young Jamaican girl, and she had stabbed
7:39
her grandmother.
7:41
Wow.
7:42
And when I when you and listen to her story, it was so profound in that there was a such a
7:49
level of lack of expect that, you know, the if you looked at the acting of itself Yeah.
7:55
Which was horrendous, Charmaine, at best, you know, when she We already let down her guard,
8:01
and then she started to talk to me.
8:03
She talked to him a lot about all the ways that, so many things that had been wronged of
8:10
years years years years, you know, which I I I finally understood not agreeing with what she
8:16
did, but understood why someone would get to that point.
8:19
So going back to that whole incremental level that, in communication and trust, it's the
8:26
slightest thing, you know, that people are reading.
8:29
Right?
8:29
And and, you know, obviously, you as a, you know, someone that's been doing this for a long
8:33
time.
8:33
And as especially as a mediator.
8:35
I've done a bit of mediation in my time.
8:37
Not a lot.
8:38
Yeah.
8:38
But people are reading microscopic details.
8:42
So singing to the choir.
8:44
And then, you know, there's some inflection of something nonverbal that queues up someone that
8:50
they're not even aware potentially subconsciously and they're reacting to it.
8:54
Mhmm.
8:55
So
8:55
I'm gonna assume that you're pretty much I'm a couple specialists and as one of my
8:59
designations.
9:00
So I I do a lot of that kind of mediation.
9:03
So when you went back and you started to mediate, how does that play through?
9:09
Right?
9:09
Cause I think most people I think they're well intentioned.
9:12
Right?
9:12
Yeah.
9:13
Yep.
9:14
Sometimes they don't realize how some of those subtleties kind of scream at the other person
9:19
on the other end that's trying to kind of find agreement with them.
9:23
Absolutely.
9:24
There we all have these patterns of communication, whether they're in our family
9:29
relationship, whether it's in our workplace relationships or community relationships.
9:34
We have a way of communicating, and it may change from person to person.
9:39
And I noticed very quickly as a mediator conflict brings that out onto the surface.
9:44
And when I was mediating divorce mediations, for example, separation agreements.
9:49
I saw that happen a lot, but how an individual would speak with me versus the other person in
9:55
the room was sort of just completely opposite almost, and there's so many assumptions that
10:03
people make that, and I, I discovered that the closer the relationship the more assumptions
10:08
that get made.
10:09
And so assumptions that you should just know what I think feel or need assumptions about
10:14
what a person's or words actually meant.
10:18
And and and then there's a lot of drama that happens in conflict.
10:22
Some of it is pure emotion, And then a lot of it is this other level of drama, the
10:28
assumptions that we made, and then we act on these assumptions.
10:31
Those assumptions break down trust so quickly.
10:36
And when I moved away from family mediation and worked in the corporate world, mediated
10:41
corporate disputes, I spent a lot of time in those processes rebuilding trust because it
10:48
didn't matter how good the solution was that the team created together if they didn't trust
10:54
in themselves to live up to the agreement they created together or they didn't trust in their
10:58
team that they were gonna live up to it It was just words.
11:03
And so the trust was critical.
11:06
So you know what I find a lot of times when I'm coaching or even speaking is that sometimes
11:11
people assume let's use kind of what we've been going through in the corporate world.
11:16
If there's the, you know, most people have to go home the next day and kinda set up shop and
11:21
Right.
11:21
Kinda left some some, I'm gonna say unresolved issues.
11:25
Mhmm.
11:25
And then they're being told you know, we have to now communicate like you and I have you and
11:29
I have met in person, but there's been some unresolved issues with my manager or the senior
11:35
team, and then now I'm home.
11:37
And now we're all gonna be nice and nice.
11:40
Mhmm.
11:41
And we're gonna all get along and we're gonna be productive again.
11:44
Right?
11:46
So when you've been working with people or, you know, out there, What have kind of things do
11:53
you suggest to them?
11:55
Mhmm.
11:56
There's been unresolved concerns, and now they want to start developing trust And now you're
12:00
not you're not front and center.
12:02
You're not at the water cooler.
12:03
You're not at having lunch, all those types of things.
12:05
What are some of the things that you suggested to your clients or even spoken about that that
12:10
helps.
12:11
That's such a great question.
12:12
And I've I've seen and heard that the levels of, conflict and apprehension and and distrust
12:20
seem to be increasing in teams.
12:21
So if if you're listening and that's happening to you, there are many other teams in the same
12:26
boat because as you said, these conflicts or disagreements or assumptions never got a chance
12:32
potentially to be worked out the way that they would typically be in person through a healthy
12:38
conversation.
12:39
Yet the issue isn't gone.
12:41
It's just been parked or pushed under the rug and, you know, pushing things under the rug
12:46
just makes for a bumpy lumpy rug.
12:49
And so conflict always comes back when it's not resolved.
12:52
It comes back in strange ways often.
12:56
And I there's a quote that I love.
12:58
I don't know who Judge Esti is and Judge Esti wrote this quote, but the quote is conflict is
13:04
not like wine.
13:05
It doesn't get better with age.
13:07
And so we've got, in some cases, conflicts that have been parked for almost a year and a half
13:13
right now, And his teams, some teams are going back into the workforce.
13:18
They're finding that their, trust factor is really being challenged communications feeling
13:24
a little fuzzy or uncomfortable, a little bit more blaming that's going on or judgment.
13:30
And it's really important for us to work these conflicts through.
13:34
And I've seen some leaders actually avoid the conflicts, whereas when they were in the
13:39
workplace, they and they saw how people were interacting, they wouldn't have let that go.
13:44
They would have either facilitated a conversation or checked in with people.
13:49
And with folks that are working kind of in a virtual way and that's how the team, gets
13:55
together, There's I've seen I've seen it happen where there's a a bit more avoidance going on.
14:02
I've also seen some interesting things on zoom and other digital platforms, virtual platforms
14:09
where conflict is showing up.
14:11
And I'll give you an example in a training session I did I noticed that somebody's camera
14:16
would flick off, so the picture would just come up when a certain individual would speak.
14:22
And I thought, oh, it's not funny that So I I thought it's not odd, and I was not even
14:28
thinking that there was something going on.
14:30
I just thought there's a tech issue, so I call it.
14:33
And I said, oh, I'm just checking in to see if there's a technology issue.
14:37
I noticed that a couple people's cameras are kinda coming on and off and We'd agree ahead of
14:42
the meeting that we're all gonna leave our cameras on.
14:44
So just wondering if there's anything I can do to support you in technology, not that I can
14:49
support technology very well.
14:51
But then and then I noticed that when I started speaking, the camera was gonna go off.
14:57
So I just thought this is really interesting.
14:59
The break I actually provided the leader with feedback and said, you know, I'm note this is
15:04
what I'm noticing.
15:05
And she said, yeah, I think there's go something going on with these two individuals.
15:09
They've had tension before.
15:11
It's never been addressed.
15:12
And she did a tremendous job just to kinda re present seeing the group.
15:17
And just inviting people to still have their camera on.
15:20
And then she followed up with the 2 of them with a phone call right away, and I believe she
15:24
was setting up a meeting with them.
15:25
And I thought that was great leadership because she wanted to address it right away.
15:31
The team all noticed it.
15:32
So that's the other thing.
15:33
It's just like when you're all around the boardroom together, You know, if the team
15:37
notices it, generally, we need to deal with it in some way, and it was it was kind of breaking
15:43
down the conversation, and I thought she did an exceptional job just in a very respectful way
15:48
of supporting people later.
15:51
And we do see conflict emerge in interesting ways in the virtual space right now.
15:56
Absolutely.
15:57
Because the patterns of behavior, I would say your team's looking at that.
16:00
Right, Charlene?
16:02
And they're waiting to see is anybody can catch this because I often say that this is a symptom
16:08
of other things going on in the periphery of the team.
16:11
And, you know, if they if that had gone unaddressed, you know, not not not online, but
16:18
in the right way that it sounds like the leader who was taking the steps.
16:21
Yeah.
16:21
That
16:21
shows the others that we can't get away with this.
16:25
Yeah.
16:26
Yeah.
16:27
Yeah.
16:27
And that's powerful because then people realize, okay.
16:30
Well, I may be having an issue with Roxanne or Charmaine.
16:33
Right.
16:33
They're gonna address it.
16:34
So I maybe you should try something a bit more direct versus kinda be kinda going under ground
16:40
to kind of have it play out in a meeting like that.
16:42
So I think that's that's brilliant.
16:45
Now let's talk a little bit about return to work.
16:48
Because, you know, because that's which we're hearing about this.
16:52
We're hearing about the, you know, the new resignations.
16:55
We're hearing about people saying I'm not going back in person.
16:58
We're talking about human rights and so many, you know, it's like the 401.
17:04
You know, the 401 for being
17:06
Yeah.
17:06
Yeah.
17:08
It's like
17:08
a major traffic jam is coming, and we're talking about it, but how are we gonna mediate
17:15
all the following parts?
17:17
So I wanted to chat a little bit about kind of return to work, collaboration conflict, all
17:22
that stuff that I know at lever every level of management, they're they're thinking about it,
17:27
and I know gonna assume they're talking about it and start to put some things in place.
17:32
Yeah.
17:33
It's such a great conversation because it is the reality for so many organizations that
17:38
they're returning to the office location, and it might not be everybody.
17:43
The team might be sort of on rotating schedules.
17:46
So There's a lot of unknowns for many workplaces.
17:49
And from a change management perspective is that when people don't have answers, they
17:53
typically make them up So this is an opportunity for leaders right now to
17:58
demonstrate and model effective, clear, cascading messages with their team because the
18:05
more that you can communicate, even if it's the our plan is still the same as last Tuesday.
18:11
Here's what we talked about last Tuesday.
18:13
Even if it's reiterating and just saying there's no change, here's the plan, it provides
18:19
a sense of trust in the process.
18:21
It provides a heightened sense of trust in leadership, and it reduces assumptions and
18:26
gossip.
18:27
And so one leader, that I can think about.
18:30
She used a tip that I gave in a workshop, and and I'm gonna rely on a seven year old genius.
18:35
I was facilitating a divorce mediation, and and the parents had concluded their mediation, and
18:42
they wanted to share their agreement just to let the kids know what you know, how life is
18:48
going to look for them.
18:49
And we practiced that we did role plays, and and it was a beautiful way that the parents
18:54
wanted to communicate together what would be the same and what would be different.
18:59
The parents kinda went off script.
19:00
So everything that we practiced went out the window when the children came in the room, and
19:05
they started not with all the things that are gonna be the same.
19:08
They started with everything that's going to be different.
19:10
And his little seven year old jumps off the couch, and he says, people, Just tell me what
19:16
is not changing.
19:18
And I thought, oh, this is brilliant.
19:22
And when we do that in our workplaces and in our families, when we let people know what's
19:26
what's not changing, our company values are not changing.
19:30
The customers that we're dealing with are not changing.
19:33
It's the same you know, our policies other than these 2 are not changing you know, our our, our
19:41
corporate vision and strategic goals are the same as they were ago.
19:45
So whenever you can provide that what is not changing it, again, creates trust in the
19:50
process, trust in the organization.
19:52
And and then it is not so overwhelming for people.
19:57
Absolutely.
19:57
It doesn't, yeah, you still talk about what is changing, but when you can really capture
20:01
people for people, what is not changing?
20:04
I even had a leader who said everything's changed.
20:06
And I said, well, you're changing computer systems.
20:08
And she said, no.
20:09
I said, then say that.
20:10
Our computer and technology is all gonna be the same.
20:14
The way that we enter our data is all gonna be the same.
20:17
So because people start panicking sometimes thinking that everything will be different.
20:22
And in fact, lots might be the same.
20:25
That creates a place of psychological safety, right, amidst, I think we I can say that, you
20:31
know, We've been through a lot of trauma on every level from a macro to a micro level in in
20:38
real words.
20:39
Like, I mean, lost family members, You know, everybody's been touched.
20:44
I was finally touched.
20:45
I lost a cousin 3 weeks ago.
20:48
You know, you
20:48
know, you're looking at it and you're thinking, And there's people that have, you know, all
20:52
over the world, like, with the spikes in India and, you know, like, all these companies and
20:56
you're dealing with all the things that have not stayed the same.
21:01
Yeah.
21:02
So what a nice piece to start because we're trying to restore psychological safety
21:07
Yes.
21:07
And where people are still scared.
21:09
Yeah.
21:10
Right?
21:10
And they're thinking what, you know, I I feel so unsteady.
21:13
Mhmm.
21:14
And all you're telling me is about what, you know, what's going to be different yet again,
21:18
which is gonna build into that fear, which is gonna be people more and steady.
21:22
Yeah.
21:23
So, yeah, for leaders out there that are hearing you, Charmaine, what are some things
21:28
that they should Stick to what is gonna stay the same.
21:32
Communicate, communicate, communicate.
21:35
Yeah.
21:35
What else should they do?
21:37
Check-in on people.
21:39
You know, I had one a colleague of mine who said, oh, we haven't had a team meeting for 4
21:44
months.
21:44
And I thought, what?
21:45
Cause she used to have team meetings twice a month, and And because they weren't physically
21:50
showing up in the same, you know, boardroom or meeting room, it just stopped.
21:54
And so making sure that there's still routine and structure and and the activities that help
22:01
your team with one another are important, whether that's meetings, one of my clients, the
22:06
nonprofit organization, they do a Friday coffee hour.
22:09
And it it is like routine.
22:12
It, you know, even if two people show up, it still happens, and they have a coffee break
22:16
together.
22:17
And it no talking about work just being in the coffee room virtually together.
22:22
So making sure that you're finding ways to unite the team, not all necessarily for a
22:29
meeting or for business, checking in on people.
22:33
And the other piece I really encourage leaders to, if If something is seeming off with someone
22:39
or if conflict seems to be happening, you'll be so well served, so will the people that are
22:45
experiencing this if it's addressed early on.
22:48
You know, a lot of times people's intentions, and you said earlier, are really good
22:53
intentions.
22:54
But they don't talk about things because they don't know how.
22:57
They don't know how to tell their leader.
22:59
They're fearful or under stress.
23:02
Or afraid to return under the condition.
23:04
And it's really important that leaders create that foundation for people to have these
23:10
conversations because the challenges will then show up in other ways.
23:14
Fear will show up in other ways.
23:17
And to create the space, I would think, Sharma, for people to be open, you know, I would even
23:22
think of of, friends that have been scared.
23:26
And I'm I'm and I'm I'm generally okay.
23:28
I'm gonna get a bit of information.
23:30
I'm gonna use what I can, and I'm just gonna continue to live my life, but I had some
23:33
friends you know, 1 or 2 of them were quite crippled.
23:36
And I was like, what?
23:37
You know, and then I stopped and I said, okay.
23:39
Let me help me understand what you're experiencing.
23:42
So you know, because it's it does alter things.
23:45
It does strange things.
23:46
Right?
23:46
So if that's happened in the workplace, like, if you have a team of 10 and let's say you have
23:51
2 that are in in synced with what what you're thinking and all other it are kinda like, you
23:57
know, like tops, Like, what what's that energy that's gonna get created?
24:02
And there's no right or wrong way to do it because everybody's, you know, home life is
24:07
different.
24:08
And their reality and how they take in information is different.
24:12
So I think laying the foundation of trust, which is really Whatever you share, it doesn't
24:17
matter.
24:18
I need to hear what you're how you're returning to work that allows the leader and the
24:23
leadership team to create the best possible kind of reintegration.
24:27
Mhmm.
24:28
Beautifully stated.
24:29
So important.
24:31
So let's talk a little bit about the fun part, which I'm excited about your your animated film
24:37
and, tell us all about it.
24:39
And I didn't know.
24:40
I could say I did not know you were in this kind of work, and it's about mental health,
24:45
which is really, you know, I talk everything related to mental well-being.
24:49
So tell me about this and, sure everybody's gonna be fascinated to hear about it as well.
24:54
Thank you.
24:55
Well, and I didn't know I was gonna be in this world either 5 years ago.
25:00
And in, and it's so interesting for me that passion projects, find me for the right time
25:05
and the right reason.
25:06
And the movie is called Back Home again.
25:10
It's an animated movie that'll be released this fall 2021.
25:14
We're super excited, and It's a story based on the Fort McMurraywood Buffalo Wildfires.
25:20
It's written by Michael Mankowski, who is an incredible screenwriter and, producer and is a
25:27
Fort McMurray.
25:28
He was born and raised in the community that experienced, you know, the whole community was
25:34
evacuated for a number of weeks 88,000 people to be exact And after the fires, then there was
25:43
a flood in the community a couple of years later, and then the pandemic.
25:47
This is a community that has gone through a lot.
25:50
And Michael wanted to create a movie, a story that would help people heal from disaster and
25:58
for crisis, and that could help people around the world in addition to Fort McMurray, with
26:03
Buffalo Region.
26:04
And so this animation is now a 30 minute movie.
26:08
It started out to be much shorter.
26:09
It includes, incredible all star cast who have all donated their time, so including Ed Asner,
26:18
Catherine O'Hara, Michael J Fox, Martin Short Kim Basinger, Tom Green, and the list goes on
26:27
and on just an incredible cast who have all come on board to be a part of this and to help
26:33
us share conversations and, in fact, inspire conversations around mental health.
26:39
And that's what the movie really is.
26:41
It's it's a conversation starter around community and mental health.
26:46
And now in the world, with everybody having this shared experience of a pandemic, even
26:52
though our individual experiences will be very different from to the next person.
26:57
But we've all gone through a very big crisis, together.
27:01
And Right.
27:02
And all that.
27:02
Mental health issues.
27:04
Right.
27:04
Like, I I've said to, you know, I would, you know, deal with my clients or whatever.
27:08
And I'd say, if anybody's telling you their mental health has not been impacted, I'm gonna
27:13
say you have to check their pulse.
27:14
Because we've all been through so much.
27:16
You know, I remember, you know, I was here in in in Ontario, and I remember because I've
27:23
always worked.
27:23
I worked in trauma, back in, you know, the late night eighties with the police.
27:30
So I learned something quite really, you know, early on.
27:34
I I quit looking at city TV news because what would happen, Jermaine, is I would watch the
27:40
news.
27:40
I would be going on in on midnights and whatever was on the news I would deal with.
27:44
So one of my mental health strategies, very long time ago, and I was quite young, is I will
27:49
not look at the news.
27:50
I would look at world have headlines.
27:54
Yeah.
27:54
I would look at maybe a little bit of local news, and that would be it.
27:58
So I hadn't left my house.
27:59
I wasn't watching the news.
28:01
You know, we're all in lockdown.
28:04
I go to the grocery store, right, because, you know, I need some food.
28:07
Mhmm.
28:08
There's all these people on lines.
28:09
And I'm like, what is is something going on?
28:13
Well, I didn't realize that they had the instituted the only letting it.
28:16
And I'm, like, sitting there in my car, and I'm going through this thing to say, did something
28:21
and then I realized, oh my goodness.
28:23
And sure enough, then I googled it in my car and I realized.
28:27
And then it was like it was a hard thing for me to I'm thinking, I have to go stand in a line
28:33
now.
28:34
Mhmm.
28:34
How am I gonna function doing this often?
28:36
It was the first time, and I'm You know, I generally don't worry about things, but for the
28:41
first time, I start to realize how real it was.
28:43
Yeah.
28:43
And then I felt a bit of panic just sitting there in my car thinking, gotta go in that
28:48
line, and I have to wait for 20 other people, and it's gonna take me 20, you know, probably
28:52
three times the amount of time of what I I just taken for rent before.
28:57
Right?
28:57
So
28:57
Absolutely.
28:58
That was blew me away.
29:00
So Yeah.
29:01
I would say that most of us, you know, in history as we go back and with your movie,
29:06
which I think is gonna be amazing.
29:08
I would, you know, let me know, when it's coming up because I'd love to be able promoted
29:12
out to the channels that, would be we all need to hear those stories and to realize how real
29:19
it is and past trauma you know, and many people are have had additional trauma coming into
29:26
this.
29:27
What happens and what, you know, what we need to look at future going on as we kinda try to
29:32
reintegrate and make sense of life again.
29:35
Right?
29:35
So I think Yes.
29:36
Your movie probably will be very, very helpful.
29:39
Yeah.
29:39
I I I love what you've just said about the reminder that, one trauma or one crisis can
29:47
actually bring up all kinds of past resolved and unresolved trauma for people and and,
29:54
Canadian mental health association and Canadian Red Cross are 2 of our partners on this
29:59
project, and I was listening recently to a conversation that they had on a panel
30:04
discussion.
30:05
About mental health.
30:06
And two things that, you know, are just etched in my brain from that is that, a, it's okay not
30:12
to be okay.
30:14
And I thought this is an important reminder for us that, right now, it's okay not to be okay.
30:20
And the second reminder that they talked about in that conversation was the importance of
30:25
asking for help and and reaching out, that people aren't alone.
30:29
Although it can we can feel very alone when we experience crisis or disaster or change, you
30:36
know, community or workplace.
30:38
And the I think that's such an important reminder for us and and that in teams and
30:43
workplaces for us to be observant when we're present and we're mindful, we notice things
30:49
about people that might be different or might not quite seem right and that's a great
30:55
opportunity for us to show stewardship and support and kindness to other people and just
31:02
checking in with them.
31:03
And the permissiveness to have openness to say, hey, Roxanne, are you okay?
31:07
I know you're bubbly or, you know, you're not normally talking a lot, and I just realized
31:12
that, literally, you you're not been as talkative.
31:15
Is there anything I can I can help you with?
31:17
Or I'm here if you ever, you know, wanna chat about things.
31:20
And I think just going back to basic kindness, Charmaine, as we all maneuver this and, you
31:26
know, go back into different environments.
31:29
And the one thing that I think of is when I, would do trauma responses and I was, you know,
31:34
I'd done them for years, when I was frontline is within seventy 2 hours of a trauma, you get
31:40
into the workplace because, generally, you can capture what's happening but think about this
31:47
72 hours and then we would identify potentially people that would have issues based on resid
31:52
other traumas.
31:53
So think about this.
31:55
For 2 years now, we've been going through an ongoing trauma.
31:59
Yeah.
31:59
So it's gonna take a little bit more Flores to recognize it's gonna take, you know,
32:05
reintegration is gonna take a little bit longer, and it's not gonna be the same
32:09
trajectory.
32:09
It's gonna take longer and just gentleness and kindness, you know, to be able to, you know,
32:15
help people out in whatever capacity that they need.
32:18
That's so true because I think sometimes people have an assumption or belief that people will
32:25
get back into the swing of things and everything will be normal.
32:29
Like, what normal is?
32:30
I don't know, but that may be how one person leads their life, but that doesn't mean that
32:38
that's how everyone copes and grieves and deals with things.
32:41
So I I think the other skill that's gonna be so important going forward, and we've been
32:46
practicing for the last couple of years is patience.
32:49
Being patient with people and learning to be okay that with the fact that not all
32:55
information or answers will be available in the moment that you need them.
33:01
And, you know, the last couple of years, living in a virtual where we've got a lot of practice
33:06
on those 2 items.
33:09
They're gonna be important now.
33:11
Oh, absolutely.
33:12
Absolutely.
33:12
Well, this has been amazing, Charmaine.
33:16
And, you know, I know when we met before, obviously, we to these conferences, and there's
33:20
so many people that you wanna talk to to them.
33:22
And I I, you know, I hope that I know our conference is virtual yet again.
33:27
Dine out.
33:27
That's, you know, as we get, we were able to get together again.
33:30
I'm sure our paths will cross the person.
33:32
I would love to spend the time in person again.
33:35
But thank you so much.
33:36
So again, any last words you wanna share, and please tell people about the short again, We
33:42
will put it in the link and, then we'll go from there.
33:46
Yeah.
33:46
I just I just wanna remind us all to take a moment every day to just do something that
33:54
boosters boosts our own resilience.
33:57
And, I kinda think of resilience of the bank account.
34:00
We've gotta keep putting into it for it to be there when we need it.
34:04
And so just taking time, taking time for you, I believe, is not selfish.
34:09
It's important and it's necessary as a leader.
34:12
The stronger we are and the healthier we are, the better able we are to support all the
34:16
people that, we work with.
34:18
And the movie back home again, I think the best thing would be to do is check out the trailer
34:23
on the website back home againmovie.com, and that's the same handle for all the socials.
34:29
Awesome.
34:29
Awesome.
34:30
So thanks again.
34:31
So for everyone listening, do something today to put to increase the amount in your bank
34:37
account around your your resilience, in small bursts every single day, and it becomes a
34:43
cumulative effect.
34:44
So for anyone wanting more information, authentic leadership with your teams, please
34:49
reach out at Roxanne com.
34:52
Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
34:58
healthy change.
34:59
Roxanne is a keynote speaker psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
35:05
rocksandurhaj.com/blueprint.
35:09
We'll see you next time.
35:11
On authentic living with Roxanne.