Latest / Scam Goddess / Nicolas Cage and the Mystery of the Missing Movie with Jay Jurden
Transcript
- 0:17Speaker 1: What's poppin', congregation? It's your girl Lacey Mosley, a.k.a.
- 0:21Speaker 2: Scam Goddess, back with another installment of the comedy podcast
- 0:24Speaker 2: all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Sometimes
- 0:27Speaker 2: we love them, sometimes we hate them. One thing's for sure,
- 0:29Speaker 2: we will likely laugh at them, but never at the victims.
- 0:33Speaker 1: And I am what?
- 0:34Speaker 2: If you've been listening to this podcast or now watching
- 0:36Speaker 2: this podcast, you should already know I'm very what? Come on,
- 0:39Speaker 2: parasocial girlies. Yes, excited, elated, thrilled for today's guest. He
- 0:44Speaker 2: is an icon and a homie of mine. Jay Jordan
- 0:48Speaker 2: is an American comedian, writer, actor. His special Yes Ma'am
- 0:52Speaker 2: is streaming on Hulu right now. And you've seen him
- 0:54Speaker 2: on HBO, The Tonight Show, Variety, Vulture and so much more.
- 0:59Speaker 2: I love having a real stand-up comedian. If you're not
- 1:01Speaker 2: following Jay Jordan on threads or on any of his socials,
- 1:04Speaker 2: you are really missing out because his takes are spicy.
- 1:07Speaker 1: Like, they hot as hell. He doesn't even say hot
- 1:09Speaker 1: take anymore.
- 1:09Speaker 2: We just know anytime he's got his fingers on the keyboard,
- 1:12Speaker 2: it's going.
- 1:13Speaker 1: To be lit.
- 1:14Speaker 3: Yeah, my hottest take right now, tell some jokes. I
- 1:18Speaker 3: don't know, tell some jokes. Give people what they pay for.
- 1:21Speaker 3: Stop making these folks who already pay for tickets pay
- 1:24Speaker 3: for drinks. pay for valet, pay for Uber, pay for
- 1:27Speaker 3: a babysitter. Stop making them work.
- 1:29Speaker 1: This feels like a scam because I was about to
- 1:31Speaker 1: ask you, what's your relationship with scams?
- 1:32Speaker 4: Do you love them? Do you hate them?
- 1:33Speaker 1: Have you been a part of any?
- 1:35Speaker 3: There is a small contingent of very scammy comedians right
- 1:40Speaker 3: now in America. They're scams. They go, ooh, I tricked
- 1:44Speaker 3: these people again. I got away with it. I made
- 1:46Speaker 3: them work and tell me my... They gave me my
- 1:52Speaker 3: material and I... And I got off scot-free.
- 1:54Speaker 1: So are you talking about like crowd work comics?
- 1:55Speaker 3: Not just crowd work comics because I think there are
- 1:58Speaker 3: moments where you can like be in the moment with
- 2:00Speaker 3: the crowd and like really get something new and fun.
- 2:02Speaker 3: But if like every time I see you, you doing
- 2:05Speaker 3: a census. Every time I see you, you putting out
- 2:07Speaker 3: a questionnaire. Every time I see you, you basically ask you.
- 2:12Speaker 3: Now you're a biographer for these people because you asking
- 2:15Speaker 3: them their childhood. You asking them their job, their dreams,
- 2:18Speaker 3: their aspirations. I think there's a level of comic who
- 2:21Speaker 3: really is like, oh, I scammed them. I got away
- 2:23Speaker 3: with it again.
- 2:24Speaker 4: I'm the opposite.
- 2:25Speaker 3: I want those people to be like, oh, my God,
- 2:26Speaker 3: Jay works his ass off for us. So that's I mean,
- 2:29Speaker 3: and that's that's really how I feel. And I know
- 2:31Speaker 3: some people they go, oh, Jay, are you are you hating?
- 2:34Speaker 3: Are you like are you being too snooty? And I
- 2:37Speaker 3: don't think it's crazy to tell people to do their
- 2:39Speaker 3: fucking job.
- 2:40Speaker 1: No, I don't think it's crazy either. Especially if you're
- 2:43Speaker 1: privileged enough to do a job that you're passionate about.
- 2:46Speaker 4: What if you came here and had someone talk for
- 2:47Speaker 4: you on your podcast?
- 2:49Speaker 1: I've tried a couple times.
- 2:51Speaker 4: Some days I was tired.
- 2:53Speaker 1: They might see a little script in front of them.
- 2:55Speaker 1: I'm like, you read that paragraph. You read paragraph four.
- 2:58Speaker 1: It doesn't work.
- 2:59Speaker 4: Read this ad for me.
- 2:59Speaker 1: Yeah, read the ad for me.
- 3:00Speaker 4: You like me undies, go ahead.
- 3:02Speaker 1: Yeah, you love me undies, don't you? Me too. Go ahead,
- 3:05Speaker 1: talk about.
- 3:05Speaker 4: It a little bit.
- 3:06Speaker 1: Hold on, let me make sure the mic's on. No,
- 3:08Speaker 1: I absolutely agree with you.
- 3:10Speaker 2: And what it also does is it encourages bad behavior.
- 3:14Speaker 2: And we've been seeing this in every kind of concert
- 3:17Speaker 2: venue for so long. I think it's such a scam
- 3:20Speaker 2: to come to a concert and be robbed out of
- 3:22Speaker 2: the experience because your other patrons are either filming the
- 3:26Speaker 2: entire thing like they about.
- 3:27Speaker 1: To put it on HBO. Listen, I'm off and get
- 3:30Speaker 1: you a little clip.
- 3:31Speaker 2: I got clips of me at the Beyonce concert that
- 3:33Speaker 2: wasn't acting like I was on payroll filming the whole thing.
- 3:36Speaker 1: Absolutely not.
- 3:36Speaker 4: Three cameras set up. Triangulated. No.
- 3:40Speaker 2: Look, she was flying over with that horse, and I
- 3:41Speaker 2: was like in the, like, y'all say sweated on me.
- 3:43Speaker 1: I was in the stand.
- 3:45Speaker 4: So when she was above me in.
- 3:46Speaker 1: The horse, I was in my sofa like, yes. And like, okay, yes,
- 3:49Speaker 1: have your moment. I'm not against that.
- 3:50Speaker 2: But they are now just holding their phones up, blocking
- 3:52Speaker 2: people's views the whole concert.
- 3:54Speaker 1: And then, don't get me on the hooting and hollers.
- 3:57Speaker 3: Listen, because you know what happens? You can tell who
- 4:01Speaker 3: was the person who ruined the pizza party for the
- 4:03Speaker 3: class in fifth grade. Because Beyonce says, everybody on mute.
- 4:07Speaker 3: There was literally people who knew to be quiet. And
- 4:09Speaker 3: they said, this is my moment.
- 4:10Speaker 4: How dare you? How dare you?
- 4:12Speaker 1: Because this is about community. The new challenge was about community. Yes.
- 4:16Speaker 2: And now listen, I recently ran on some TikToks that
- 4:19Speaker 2: it was that artist that we canceled because he said
- 4:22Speaker 2: that we couldn't.
- 4:22Speaker 1: Daniel Caesar. He was like, if y'all want to cancel me,
- 4:25Speaker 1: black people are like, okay.
- 4:26Speaker 3: I got in trouble because I made fun of him.
- 4:29Speaker 3: He was on a breakfast club talking about polyamory. I
- 4:31Speaker 3: was like, you might not be the spokesperson.
- 4:33Speaker 4: You know how cute you got to be to get
- 4:36Speaker 4: away with being like, you know, like non-monogamy.
- 4:38Speaker 1: No, actually, the people who be hot don't look good.
- 4:41Speaker 1: It's just like the same thing with sex parties.
- 4:43Speaker 2: Everybody thinks a sex party is going to be like
- 4:45Speaker 2: Christian Grey. Everybody is going to be in there with
- 4:46Speaker 2: whips and chains and abs and hot titties. No, it
- 4:49Speaker 2: is like the strangest looking accountant you've ever seen.
- 4:52Speaker 4: I'm going to add a caveat. That's for straight people.
- 4:54Speaker 3: Because with the lesbian sex parties and the gay sex parties,
- 4:58Speaker 3: the queer sex parties.
- 4:58Speaker 1: Okay, the queer sex parties are sexy.
- 4:59Speaker 4: They be.
- 5:00Speaker 1: I'd be a little jealous. I'm like, everybody got abs
- 5:02Speaker 1: in there?
- 5:03Speaker 4: Like, are you fucking kidding me?
- 5:04Speaker 3: No, but I also think that, like, okay, and we
- 5:08Speaker 3: are talking about Beyonce for the tiniest bit. If we
- 5:10Speaker 3: bring up scams, Beyonce is not a scam artist, but
- 5:14Speaker 3: there's one song where she does scam you.
- 5:16Speaker 4: You know what I'm talking about.
- 5:18Speaker 3: When we get to the options up on Love on Top,
- 5:21Speaker 3: Beyonce does start to be like, y'all got it.
- 5:25Speaker 4: Actually, that's y'all.
- 5:26Speaker 1: But we do like it.
- 5:27Speaker 4: We love it.
- 5:28Speaker 3: I've been trying to get up there. But it is
- 5:30Speaker 3: her being like, I'm not about to.
- 5:31Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 5:33Speaker 3: I'll be like, see. I'll be like, baby, baby. Beyonce
- 5:38Speaker 3: takes a break during that song. For the past four years,
- 5:41Speaker 3: Beyonce be like, I'm not about to.
- 5:42Speaker 4: Y'all got it. Y'all sound good.
- 5:44Speaker 1: And that's fine.
- 5:44Speaker 2: And that's fine. But like at the Daniel Caesar concert,
- 5:48Speaker 2: it went viral on TikTok. He has very terrible fans,
- 5:51Speaker 2: which makes sense because he's not a great guy. And
- 5:54Speaker 2: they would be at the concert. And Daniel Caesar don't
- 5:56Speaker 2: got no music you need to hoot or holler to.
- 5:59Speaker 2: So he's singing the song and.
- 6:00Speaker 1: There's girls screaming to the point where everyone in the
- 6:04Speaker 1: stadium heard it. Like, And people were like, can you
- 6:08Speaker 1: please stop? We're trying to hear the soft song.
- 6:11Speaker 3: I saw Ariana Grande at the Barclays, and she was
- 6:13Speaker 3: doing this really cool thing where she was dropping, it
- 6:15Speaker 3: was before the album came out, so she was going
- 6:17Speaker 3: to do two songs that were unreleased from the upcoming album, Pedal.
- 6:22Speaker 3: But what she had to do in real time, she
- 6:23Speaker 3: was going to loop the vocals in front of us.
- 6:25Speaker 4: So she had like the station.
- 6:27Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw her do that.
- 6:28Speaker 3: And so like, but you have to be so quiet
- 6:29Speaker 3: because any noise will be caught on the specific recording.
- 6:32Speaker 3: And so then she had to start over twice in
- 6:34Speaker 3: New York. And I was like, honestly, if you want to,
- 6:37Speaker 3: Ariana Grande, you can shoot those fans. I wouldn't get mad.
- 6:41Speaker 4: Because that's crazy.
- 6:42Speaker 1: We listening to Black Bagger. That's crazy to have.
- 6:47Speaker 4: An artist who you paid money to see play.
- 6:49Speaker 3: In concert, say, hey, everyone, thank you so much for
- 6:52Speaker 3: being loud.
- 6:52Speaker 4: We had so much fun.
- 6:54Speaker 3: Can you be quiet for two seconds? So I can
- 6:55Speaker 3: make my art for you. So I can actually sing
- 6:58Speaker 3: a new song and loop it and record it live
- 7:00Speaker 3: for y'all. And there were people in the stadium who
- 7:02Speaker 3: were like, nah, girl, I'm more important.
- 7:06Speaker 2: And that's what the crowd work comedians have created. And
- 7:09Speaker 2: so now when you go, like, at least when I'm
- 7:11Speaker 2: getting up and stuff, I've noticed that people are much
- 7:13Speaker 2: more vocal during the show.
- 7:14Speaker 1: And I'm like, baby, you paid to see me, not us.
- 7:16Speaker 4: What you mean?
- 7:17Speaker 1: Why are you talking?
- 7:18Speaker 3: I shut them up usually by like, I, most of
- 7:21Speaker 3: the time I just start like going fast enough that
- 7:25Speaker 3: they go, I want to, I go, you ain't gonna
- 7:26Speaker 3: have a chance to, you ain't gonna have a chance
- 7:28Speaker 3: to chime in. Or at the end of the show,
- 7:30Speaker 3: they'll go, oh my gosh.
- 7:31Speaker 4: That was so impressive. You, you talked the whole time.
- 7:33Speaker 4: I go, baby, it was 15 minutes.
- 7:36Speaker 1: I'm supposed to talk to them.
- 7:37Speaker 4: You think I can't talk for 15 minutes? You think
- 7:39Speaker 4: I can't? Listen, I could talk to you for an hour.
- 7:41Speaker 1: Oh, Jay, I know. You're a generational yapper like me.
- 7:44Speaker 1: We love to yap. That's why I had to make
- 7:46Speaker 1: yapping a job. I was like, I can't shut up.
- 7:49Speaker 1: So I guess I got to have a podcast. But
- 7:51Speaker 1: I did this six years ago.
- 7:52Speaker 2: I did it before it became problematic. All y'all motherfuckers
- 7:54Speaker 2: went to Best Buy and got some microphones. And now
- 7:55Speaker 2: y'all think y'all can talk about everything.
- 7:57Speaker 1: $ 200 dinners and who gets the big piece of chicken
- 8:00Speaker 1: ass podcast.
- 8:01Speaker 4: This is actually meta because Lacey... You, as.
- 8:06Speaker 3: A person who was an early adopter to the podcast medium,
- 8:09Speaker 3: you've seen people start to scam. You've seen people go
- 8:11Speaker 3: from being like, oh, I have an actual point of
- 8:15Speaker 3: view to being like, all right, OK, so we're going
- 8:18Speaker 3: to ask the black delegation what we ask every month.
- 8:21Speaker 3: what are we doing with bi men? Do we need
- 8:23Speaker 3: a man in the home to raise little boys?
- 8:25Speaker 4: Right. It gets crazy.
- 8:28Speaker 1: Crazy.
- 8:28Speaker 4: To see these people rehab.
- 8:29Speaker 1: And it's the same talking points. That's the scam to me.
- 8:32Speaker 4: One thing about these topics, they're going to put it
- 8:34Speaker 4: in the microwave. They're going to put it in the microwave.
- 8:37Speaker 1: And don't be a skinny, blonde, white woman.
- 8:39Speaker 2: You can reheat everybody's nachos, and you are going to
- 8:41Speaker 2: make way more money doing it. If I was a
- 8:43Speaker 2: white woman, Scam Goddess would be right next to Joe Rogan.
- 8:46Speaker 4: This is, no, you should do, you should do a whole, I'm, I'm, okay.
- 8:50Speaker 1: Okay. I'm too late, though. I came out as black
- 8:52Speaker 1: too soon.
- 8:52Speaker 4: That's what I'm going to say.
- 8:53Speaker 2: I'm like, if I had AI, not AI, because fuck AI,
- 8:56Speaker 2: and fuck chat, GPT, GTP, GPT.
- 8:58Speaker 1: I don't use it.
- 8:59Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 9:00Speaker 1: But thank you.
- 9:01Speaker 2: I'm glad my fans know I have enough integrity that
- 9:02Speaker 2: they reached out to me when they heard one of
- 9:04Speaker 2: those ads randomly on the show once.
- 9:05Speaker 1: I was like, maybe we did not approve that, and
- 9:07Speaker 1: we'll make sure.
- 9:07Speaker 4: That doesn't happen again.
- 9:08Speaker 3: Sometimes I'll see the AI posters for some of my friends,
- 9:11Speaker 3: and I go, man, you had $ 100 to pay somebody
- 9:15Speaker 3: to put a poster together. I would rather see horrible Photoshop.
- 9:18Speaker 3: I want to see Microsoft Paint. I love horrible Photoshop.
- 9:19Speaker 4: I want to see Microsoft Paint before I see AI.
- 9:22Speaker 1: Oh, I love horrible Photoshop.
- 9:23Speaker 4: It's canon.
- 9:25Speaker 1: It's iconic. It's like a collage. I'll tell you who
- 9:28Speaker 1: the guy is after because you'll know who it is.
- 9:30Speaker 1: I can't say. Everyone probably knows. But we were talking
- 9:34Speaker 1: for a little bit. This was years ago. And he
- 9:36Speaker 1: was kind of asking me to send him a nude photo.
- 9:38Speaker 1: I don't send nudes.
- 9:39Speaker 4: Okay.
- 9:40Speaker 1: I don't have nudes.
- 9:41Speaker 4: Okay.
- 9:41Speaker 1: I can confidently hand my phone to anybody. You're not
- 9:43Speaker 1: going to see me busting it wide, nowhere, up and
- 9:46Speaker 1: through there. I don't play those games.
- 9:48Speaker 4: I don't encourage this. I have a bunch of nudes
- 9:51Speaker 4: on my phone.
- 9:51Speaker 1: Jay is a hoochie hoe. And he would be happy
- 9:53Speaker 1: if his nudes came out. Because he damn near nude
- 9:55Speaker 1: on the internet.
- 9:56Speaker 4: All the damn time. If a news leaked today. He
- 9:57Speaker 4: would be proud.
- 9:58Speaker 1: He would repost it.
- 9:59Speaker 4: I wouldn't be proud. I can give y'all a good one. Actually,
- 10:02Speaker 4: I don't know. Let me send you one.
- 10:05Speaker 1: I got a new ab.
- 10:06Speaker 4: He was like, listen.
- 10:07Speaker 1: He was like, I had an 8-pack then. Now I
- 10:09Speaker 1: done squeezed on 11. I got 11. I got more
- 10:10Speaker 1: on the top.
- 10:12Speaker 4: I got one more vein in it. You know what?
- 10:16Speaker 1: And I can't risk that. So eventually I sent him,
- 10:20Speaker 1: I drew a stick figure on the print app.
- 10:24Speaker 4: That's funny.
- 10:24Speaker 1: And then I took a photo and I cropped it
- 10:27Speaker 1: to where it's just my face. And I put my
- 10:29Speaker 1: face on the stick figure with the boobs and the booty.
- 10:31Speaker 4: And I sent that.
- 10:32Speaker 1: I was like, here's your new.
- 10:32Speaker 4: That's beautiful.
- 10:34Speaker 1: Like, we love Photoshop. We love authenticity.
- 10:36Speaker 3: Listen, back in middle school, that would have done it
- 10:38Speaker 3: for me. That would have done it. In middle school?
- 10:40Speaker 3: In middle school?
- 10:41Speaker 1: You would have imagined my stick figure boobs and been like, woo!
- 10:44Speaker 3: I know more than one guy who in middle school
- 10:47Speaker 3: drew his own porn. He said, you know what? I
- 10:50Speaker 3: can't get access to it. He said, but the human
- 10:52Speaker 3: imagination has no boundaries.
- 10:55Speaker 1: We are losing recipes. Right? Where are the porn artists
- 10:59Speaker 1: who are drawing it by hand and passing it out?
- 11:01Speaker 4: That's me being full granddaddy. I said, back in my day,
- 11:03Speaker 4: we used to draw it. We draw it. Look at me.
- 11:06Speaker 4: Go get the pencil. Go get a pencil sharpener. You
- 11:08Speaker 4: don't know what a pencil sharpener is. Go get a
- 11:10Speaker 4: pencil sharpener.
- 11:10Speaker 1: You ain't never turned. That's a kid break. That's the
- 11:12Speaker 1: water cooler for kids.
- 11:13Speaker 3: Typing everything. Now, go get a pencil. Number two, because
- 11:16Speaker 3: you got to put it on the scantron.
- 11:18Speaker 4: Go get a number.
- 11:18Speaker 1: I don't even know why they made any other numbers
- 11:20Speaker 1: because number two is the only one we used. I
- 11:22Speaker 1: guess the other ones were for artists.
- 11:23Speaker 4: You know, if you autistic, go get a thick one.
- 11:25Speaker 4: Go get a fat pencil.
- 11:27Speaker 1: Get you a number seven.
- 11:28Speaker 4: Get you a number seven. Look, I'm on the spectrum.
- 11:30Speaker 1: I can say that.
- 11:31Speaker 4: I probably would have needed the seven.
- 11:32Speaker 3: If you need the texture, go get you a thick
- 11:34Speaker 3: pencil and draw you some titties.
- 11:36Speaker 4: Okay?
- 11:37Speaker 3: I don't know what these men, they hate women now
- 11:39Speaker 3: because they ain't never drawn some titties.
- 11:41Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
- 11:41Speaker 4: This is beautiful.
- 11:42Speaker 1: They need yearning.
- 11:43Speaker 4: Yes.
- 11:44Speaker 1: We got to bring yearning back. Yes.
- 11:46Speaker 4: And you know how we do it? Like we said earlier,
- 11:48Speaker 4: put these kids in the mines. Yeah. They going to
- 11:50Speaker 4: yearn for some love if they, you know.
- 11:53Speaker 1: And they have so much energy.
- 11:54Speaker 4: Moving around cold. Yes.
- 11:55Speaker 1: Okay.
- 11:56Speaker 2: You know, it's like we start the day, we throw
- 11:58Speaker 2: on that Miss Rachel around 3 a.m.
- 12:00Speaker 1: So you can get up, brush your teeth, get ready
- 12:02Speaker 1: for the mines.
- 12:02Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah. A little bit of Bluey, maybe.
- 12:04Speaker 1: A little bit of Bluey.
- 12:05Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 12:05Speaker 2: And a little bit of, what's the black girl who
- 12:07Speaker 2: be doing all them songs?
- 12:08Speaker 4: Oh, Gracie's Corner.
- 12:09Speaker 1: Gracie's Corner.
- 12:10Speaker 4: Gracie's Corner.
- 12:11Speaker 1: That's what you do at the end to get.
- 12:12Speaker 4: You hyped up. Gracie's Corner. Now you lit.
- 12:14Speaker 3: I knew Gracie's Corner was real when Paul Wall did
- 12:17Speaker 3: a Gracie's Corner song.
- 12:18Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
- 12:18Speaker 4: They play A, B, C, D, E, F, G.
- 12:21Speaker 1: I'm headed to the mines, don't fuck with me. Hey!
- 12:23Speaker 4: Okay?
- 12:25Speaker 1: Like, get up high. And then let them go to
- 12:28Speaker 1: the mines. They gonna sleep good when they get home.
- 12:31Speaker 4: They playing Gracie's Corner before they go to the kid trap.
- 12:37Speaker 4: What you need?
- 12:37Speaker 1: I got that Lack. I got that Similac.
- 12:39Speaker 4: I got that Similac. Hey, I got some Nylas.
- 12:41Speaker 1: The Similac is spitting as fuck, so that will work. Now, Jay,
- 12:47Speaker 1: so if I was to make a summation here, you
- 12:51Speaker 1: think that it's scammy that comedians are going up in
- 12:54Speaker 1: front of people, taking their money, taking their two-drink minimum,
- 12:58Speaker 1: and their babysitter cash, and then doing a completely... made
- 13:04Speaker 1: up show with no direction that's heavily reliant on the
- 13:07Speaker 1: audience's input.
- 13:08Speaker 3: Yes but i'll even add a more specific caveat i
- 13:11Speaker 3: think if you do a piece of crowd work that
- 13:15Speaker 3: you clip and edit and then you put on your
- 13:17Speaker 3: page and you monetize and the person in the crowd
- 13:20Speaker 3: has funnier stuff to say then you you need to
- 13:23Speaker 3: pay them a portion of what tiktok meta and facebook
- 13:27Speaker 3: pay you Because you got paid. They paid to see
- 13:32Speaker 3: you work them to get paid twice over. Once for
- 13:35Speaker 3: the in-person show and once online when you post the clip.
- 13:38Speaker 3: Because now you at home, you're going, wait a second,
- 13:40Speaker 3: I said all the funny stuff. He posts on his page.
- 13:43Speaker 3: All you can do is be like, that's me. Yeah,
- 13:44Speaker 3: that's me.
- 13:45Speaker 1: As you can tell. Yeah, but we call that being
- 13:47Speaker 1: paid in exposure.
- 13:48Speaker 4: Exposure, no.
- 13:49Speaker 1: The oldest act exposure.
- 13:50Speaker 3: I'll be watching some of these interactions with some of
- 13:52Speaker 3: these couples. I'll be like, well, they getting divorced after this.
- 13:55Speaker 4: This is terrible.
- 13:56Speaker 3: You just paid for me to watch your marriage fall
- 13:58Speaker 3: apart in real time on Facebook.
- 14:01Speaker 4: And now all the Facebook aunties and grandmas commenting.
- 14:04Speaker 1: Oh, and the aunties don't stop at Facebook. They send
- 14:06Speaker 1: us links.
- 14:06Speaker 4: In our text. And you know what else?
- 14:08Speaker 1: They alert the whole family.
- 14:09Speaker 3: Have you been made? The aunties have also made it
- 14:11Speaker 3: to threads. The Facebookification.
- 14:14Speaker 2: They're accidentally making it to threads because they don't know
- 14:17Speaker 2: the meta of it all. So sometimes they post something like,
- 14:20Speaker 2: have you seen what, who are we looking for?
- 14:21Speaker 1: What's her name?
- 14:22Speaker 2: Sally or something. There was that one lady who didn't
- 14:24Speaker 2: realize she was posting threads and she was like, Linda?
- 14:26Speaker 2: I think there's a lady that we're always supposed to
- 14:28Speaker 2: be looking for in Europe. They're like, she's in Europe
- 14:30Speaker 2: and we don't know where she is. So if you
- 14:32Speaker 2: see her, let us know. And everybody's like, we want
- 14:33Speaker 2: to see Linda. And then anybody who posts about Europe
- 14:35Speaker 2: or anywhere in Europe, they're like, did.
- 14:37Speaker 4: You see Linda?
- 14:38Speaker 1: No.
- 14:40Speaker 4: Because Linda is the name.
- 14:42Speaker 3: That is the auntie name that gets lost now.
- 14:45Speaker 4: Do you know any young Lindas? I don't know no
- 14:47Speaker 4: young Lindas. Do we know any young Lindas? Any young?
- 14:51Speaker 4: Not a Linda under 50. Right? Yeah. That was a
- 14:54Speaker 4: Linda cutoff. It was. Now, you know, it's crazy.
- 14:58Speaker 2: And Jay just broke the fourth wall and introduced this
- 15:01Speaker 2: as a talk show.
- 15:02Speaker 1: There are four other people in this room. And he's like,
- 15:04Speaker 1: y'all know it. Say yeah. We can break that fourth wall.
- 15:08Speaker 1: There are lots of people in this room besides me
- 15:10Speaker 1: and Jay.
- 15:11Speaker 3: I got a cousin named Linda and you know those
- 15:13Speaker 3: cousins that have always.
- 15:14Speaker 4: Been aunties in your head?
- 15:16Speaker 1: Because they're older than you.
- 15:17Speaker 3: It's my great grandma's niece. It's some connection there.
- 15:21Speaker 1: Yeah, I know what you mean. It's blood, but it's
- 15:23Speaker 1: like they're older enough that you're like, I can't call
- 15:25Speaker 1: you cousin. You gotta be aunt.
- 15:26Speaker 4: Because that's disrespectful.
- 15:28Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta be auntie.
- 15:29Speaker 4: Because if you a cousin, you gotta be outside with us.
- 15:32Speaker 1: Smoking weed.
- 15:33Speaker 3: Not smoking weed. Running around playing outside.
- 15:36Speaker 2: Yeah, but also smoking weed.
- 15:38Speaker 1: You ain't did no cousin walk on Thanksgiving?
- 15:40Speaker 4: Well, yeah, that's different though. That's like teenage cousins.
- 15:43Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
- 15:44Speaker 2: So I'm like, if you're not in cousin walk smoking
- 15:46Speaker 2: weed territory, then you're an auntie.
- 15:48Speaker 4: You're an auntie. Even if we are cousins.
- 15:50Speaker 1: You gotta be automatic auntie.
- 15:51Speaker 3: Older cousins, that's such a fast, because now I'm someone's
- 15:54Speaker 3: older cousin.
- 15:55Speaker 4: I am too. But I can't be.
- 15:56Speaker 3: I'm just, I'm like, I'm just an older queer relative.
- 16:00Speaker 3: That's so cool. I'm a gay uncle now.
- 16:04Speaker 1: And gay uncles are the coolest. I lost one of
- 16:07Speaker 1: my gay uncles.
- 16:08Speaker 4: Oh, I'm sorry.
- 16:10Speaker 1: No, it's okay.
- 16:12Speaker 2: My Uncle Henry. During the time we were losing a
- 16:15Speaker 2: lot of gay people. So he didn't become an elder,
- 16:17Speaker 2: but he was so fucking cool.
- 16:19Speaker 1: That's beautiful. And beautiful. And he had the greatest skin.
- 16:21Speaker 1: Look at his skin.
- 16:23Speaker 2: And, like, dressed well, and he was so, like, cool.
- 16:26Speaker 2: So it's like, I'm glad that we have you here
- 16:28Speaker 2: to be the cool, sexy gay uncle who has way
- 16:31Speaker 2: too many ho hoochie photos online.
- 16:34Speaker 4: My niece.
- 16:35Speaker 1: You're going to see your gay uncle in a speed up.
- 16:36Speaker 3: Yeah, my niece, Riley, she came to my wedding in
- 16:39Speaker 3: New York, but it was like, she went to a
- 16:41Speaker 3: gay wedding when she was, like, young.
- 16:43Speaker 4: So then she went back to school. She was like, oh,
- 16:44Speaker 4: y'all ain't never been to no gay wedding? Trash. I
- 16:48Speaker 4: have culture. She went to a gay wedding in New York.
- 16:50Speaker 1: I went to gay weddings before I went to straight weddings.
- 16:52Speaker 4: See?
- 16:53Speaker 1: My gays started getting married first.
- 16:54Speaker 4: Lesbians?
- 16:55Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh.
- 16:56Speaker 4: Lesbians and gays.
- 16:56Speaker 1: My friend Kimia Bepornia, she's an actress, too. Super funny.
- 16:59Speaker 1: You can see her on Abbott.
- 17:01Speaker 2: She married Hailey, who is a very amazing writer, who
- 17:05Speaker 2: also has been writing up a superstore. I can name
- 17:08Speaker 2: a bunch of things that Hailey writes on. And so
- 17:09Speaker 2: they got married. And when I tell you the cutest
- 17:13Speaker 2: lesbian wedding... Kimmy is Persian, so her family brought dancers.
- 17:18Speaker 2: And then her dad walked to every table, Jay, and
- 17:20Speaker 2: he slammed down a stack of $ 100 bills on every
- 17:23Speaker 2: table so we could tip and throw it up. And
- 17:25Speaker 2: Haley's Cuban, so the Cubans was coming out with AIDS.
- 17:28Speaker 4: It was lit as fuck.
- 17:31Speaker 1: Another gay wedding in Mexico, two men, I performed at it.
- 17:34Speaker 4: I love that.
- 17:35Speaker 1: I'm going to be at all the gay weddings.
- 17:37Speaker 3: I'm going to say a stereotype that I think we
- 17:38Speaker 3: can agree with that no one's going to get mad about.
- 17:40Speaker 4: Persians and Iranians.
- 17:43Speaker 3: They probably love Versace and Cash more than black people.
- 17:47Speaker 4: Yeah, no.
- 17:48Speaker 1: They have a black aesthetic.
- 17:50Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 17:51Speaker 1: Like a rapper aesthetic.
- 17:52Speaker 4: Black is too broad.
- 17:53Speaker 1: They have a rapper aesthetic.
- 17:55Speaker 4: Exactly.
- 17:56Speaker 3: A lot of Persian men in L.A. dress like the
- 17:58Speaker 3: Migos in 2012. Do you see it?
- 18:01Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
- 18:02Speaker 4: You understand what I'm talking about?
- 18:03Speaker 2: They be wearing Sauvage or they be wearing a YSL,
- 18:05Speaker 2: a loud YSL cologne.
- 18:06Speaker 4: Listen, they don't play about cologne. Mm-hmm. And I love it.
- 18:11Speaker 1: And I love it. You can smell me before I
- 18:12Speaker 1: walk in the room.
- 18:13Speaker 4: So I understand. I got on the elevator. I said, Lacey?
- 18:18Speaker 1: That didn't linger. That didn't linger.
- 18:21Speaker 4: I felt like Wolverine. I said, Lacey? My claws popped out.
- 18:27Speaker 1: No more clothes.
- 18:28Speaker 4: I have the knuckles. I have the knuckles.
- 18:30Speaker 1: Well, on that knuckle bubble, we're going to move on
- 18:32Speaker 1: to my favorite part of the show, Historic Hoodwings.
- 18:35Speaker 2: This is where I will regale Jay with a famous
- 18:37Speaker 2: con caper group of criminals we don't know yet.
- 18:40Speaker 1: Maybe we love them. Maybe we hate them. We'll find
- 18:43Speaker 1: out along the way. So today, we're talking about.
- 18:47Speaker 2: Thieves who stole a hard drive containing an unencrypted copy
- 18:53Speaker 2: of the finished but unreleased Nicolas Cage movie, Fortitude.
- 18:59Speaker 4: Off of the desk at.
- 19:01Speaker 1: The Netflix office.
- 19:03Speaker 2: It's not the first time Netflix has gotten in trouble
- 19:04Speaker 2: for leaving money on the table.
- 19:07Speaker 1: So Fortitude. This is Nicolas Cage, if you guys don't know.
- 19:12Speaker 4: That's, wow.
- 19:13Speaker 2: I don't know who dressed him.
- 19:17Speaker 3: You know, I'm going to say great look for a
- 19:19Speaker 3: lesbian wedding. If Nicolas Cage went to a lesbian wedding,
- 19:23Speaker 3: he wouldn't be the only person wearing that.
- 19:25Speaker 1: Oh, and he would definitely be going home with somebody, okay?
- 19:28Speaker 1: When they play, it's all like, who getting fucked tonight?
- 19:30Speaker 1: He looking like this. That's all, come on, who getting
- 19:33Speaker 1: fucked tonight? Who getting fucked tonight?
- 19:36Speaker 4: And it's him.
- 19:37Speaker 1: He's looking at you with that same stare. Like, you
- 19:39Speaker 1: coming home with me, girl.
- 19:41Speaker 4: Listen, we love you, Nicole Cage. That is a... that, listen.
- 19:44Speaker 4: It's even Nicole Cage. Right? That's, wow, that's a sapphic outfit.
- 19:48Speaker 4: The bedazzled jacket.
- 19:49Speaker 1: It is a sapphic outfit. The bedazzled, just a little
- 19:51Speaker 1: razzle dazzle.
- 19:52Speaker 4: Whoa.
- 19:52Speaker 1: With a little silk underneath because I'm soft and silky.
- 19:57Speaker 4: Pink glasses inside.
- 19:58Speaker 3: These rose colored glasses. Listen, Nick Cage, we speak your name.
- 20:04Speaker 3: We speak your name in rooms that you aren't even in,
- 20:07Speaker 3: Nick Cage. We appreciate you.
- 20:09Speaker 4: We appreciate you.
- 20:10Speaker 1: Glad award. Immediately. Scams!
- 20:20Speaker 4: Cards!
- 20:22Speaker 1: So the movie.
- 20:23Speaker 2: Fortitude stars Nicolas Cage as Dusko Popov.
- 20:28Speaker 4: Say the name again. Dusko Popov.
- 20:31Speaker 1: Dusko Popoff. Look, he gonna dust you, he gonna pop off. Okay,
- 20:37Speaker 1: so this is Dusko. I kind of see why they
- 20:39Speaker 1: cast him.
- 20:40Speaker 4: Yeah, okay.
- 20:40Speaker 1: Dusko is some fine shit.
- 20:43Speaker 3: Dusko has what a lot of black people refer to
- 20:46Speaker 3: as a sexy white boy nose.
- 20:47Speaker 4: He does.
- 20:49Speaker 3: So a lot of, we don't talk about it enough,
- 20:51Speaker 3: but if you ever, if you ever swirl a little bit,
- 20:54Speaker 3: a lot of black people who every now and then hit.
- 20:57Speaker 1: Swirl a little bit.
- 20:58Speaker 3: If you ever swirl a little bit, a lot of
- 20:59Speaker 3: black people, they say, oh, if I am going to
- 21:01Speaker 3: be with a white boy, he has.
- 21:03Speaker 4: To have an interesting nose. They go, we need a schnoz.
- 21:08Speaker 3: You need something to break up a boring ass, little
- 21:12Speaker 3: tiny cutesy.
- 21:14Speaker 4: You won't.
- 21:14Speaker 3: That's a good nose. You know what we call that
- 21:17Speaker 3: in New York? That's an old country nose. That nose
- 21:20Speaker 3: came to Ellis Island, and they said, wait a second,
- 21:22Speaker 3: we're changing this last name.
- 21:23Speaker 1: Right?
- 21:23Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dusko. Who? Dusko. I'm assuming Dusko is
- 21:28Speaker 4: Eastern European, Russian, Ukrainian.
- 21:30Speaker 2: Well, he's a real-life World War II businessman lawyer, and
- 21:33Speaker 2: he's a spy from Serbia.
- 21:35Speaker 4: Serbia. Okay, Serbia. Yes.
- 21:37Speaker 3: Listen, can I tell you this? In my opinion, Serbian's
- 21:41Speaker 3: up there when it comes to being the blackest of
- 21:43Speaker 3: the whites.
- 21:44Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going to put the Irish above them.
- 21:46Speaker 4: Irish above them.
- 21:47Speaker 1: Because of the colonization, the Irish people are the real Negroes.
- 21:50Speaker 4: Serbia comes around four. You want to know why? Because
- 21:53Speaker 4: it's Serbia and Montenegro. You see? Yeah, Montenegro. I understand.
- 21:59Speaker 4: Third eye. Negro. Serbia, Montenegro.
- 22:04Speaker 1: And look at them lips.
- 22:05Speaker 4: It's Montenegro up in here. I know a nigga named Montenegro. Montenegro.
- 22:10Speaker 1: Montenegro.
- 22:10Speaker 4: His name Montenegro.
- 22:11Speaker 1: Montenegro. Period. So he pretended to work for the German
- 22:17Speaker 1: intelligence service.
- 22:18Speaker 2: The Germans thought he was a good asset because he
- 22:20Speaker 2: had been born wealthy and had business connections in France
- 22:23Speaker 2: and the UK. But actually, he hated the Nazis and
- 22:27Speaker 2: he was working as a double agent for MI6.
- 22:31Speaker 3: Oh, double agent working, tricking the Nazis.
- 22:33Speaker 4: That's like when I went to the mothership. I'm kidding. No,
- 22:37Speaker 4: but seriously, that's good. We hate Nazis.
- 22:39Speaker 1: We trick the Nazis every day.
- 22:41Speaker 3: We have to say this as comics now. It's crazy
- 22:43Speaker 3: we have to say this. I hate Nazis. You hate Nazis?
- 22:48Speaker 4: Yeah. Lacey hates Nazis. I hate Nazis.
- 22:51Speaker 3: Right now, comedy is weird because you have to say
- 22:52Speaker 3: it or else people will be like, I love Nazis.
- 22:54Speaker 4: I hate them.
- 22:55Speaker 1: No, yeah.
- 22:56Speaker 4: Just a preference thing. I hate them.
- 22:58Speaker 1: I hate Nazis, and I really hate when Nazis stream
- 23:01Speaker 1: the show.
- 23:01Speaker 4: Yeah, I hate it.
- 23:02Speaker 1: Oh, it makes me so mad. Leave so many comments, Nazis.
- 23:07Speaker 1: Really tear me up. It's not for engagement. Don't worry.
- 23:09Speaker 1: You're not working for me. Just, like, give me your opinions. Oh, no.
- 23:13Speaker 4: She doing the algorithm. She tricking. She tricking us.
- 23:17Speaker 1: Hey, trick her if you got it.
- 23:19Speaker 2: So he worked on Operation Fortitude. in which spies trick
- 23:24Speaker 2: German leadership into thinking the Allied invasion of Europe would
- 23:28Speaker 2: happen at Galissas instead of Normandy, where it actually happened.
- 23:35Speaker 2: So he was like giving them false information. He was like, yo,
- 23:38Speaker 2: I got the drop. They told me to tea. They
- 23:39Speaker 2: said it's going to happen over here. So don't even
- 23:42Speaker 2: staff nobody up at Normandy.
- 23:43Speaker 1: That's crazy. We should actually take everybody and go over here.
- 23:46Speaker 4: Oh, a little switcheroo on D-Day. Yes. A little switcheroo.
- 23:49Speaker 1: You know America ain't never won no war without tricking.
- 23:51Speaker 4: Switch the D out.
- 23:52Speaker 1: Okay, we've lost hella wars.
- 23:54Speaker 4: Hella wars. And we were trying to rebrand it.
- 23:57Speaker 1: We were trying to rebrand it.
- 23:58Speaker 4: We losing one now. We losing one bad.
- 24:01Speaker 1: We stay losing one.
- 24:01Speaker 4: We losing one bad.
- 24:02Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, but when the leaders of Iran were like,
- 24:05Speaker 1: we're waiting for them, which I've said on this podcast,
- 24:07Speaker 1: I was like, no, you don't go to places where
- 24:09Speaker 1: people are waiting for you. We are going to lose.
- 24:11Speaker 4: They said pull up. That's crazy. It's on my slide.
- 24:14Speaker 1: What? What?
- 24:16Speaker 3: They on TikTok live saying, turn your location on. Turn
- 24:19Speaker 3: your location on.
- 24:21Speaker 1: No, we in there. Trump don't even worry about that.
- 24:24Speaker 2: And it's always support our troops, support our troops, until
- 24:27Speaker 2: now we have the Abraham Lincoln where these soldiers are
- 24:31Speaker 2: literally starving.
- 24:32Speaker 1: On these boats.
- 24:32Speaker 4: Since 2025.
- 24:33Speaker 1: They've been on that boat for eight months, going on nine.
- 24:35Speaker 2: 2025. They ain't seen their families. They haven't eaten a
- 24:38Speaker 2: good meal. Everybody funky in there.
- 24:41Speaker 1: Funky. Because they can't get the toiletries they need.
- 24:44Speaker 4: On the boat.
- 24:44Speaker 1: Funky.
- 24:44Speaker 2: They jumping off the boat. Like, I'm tired of smelling
- 24:46Speaker 2: this funk. I'd rather die. And they're like, get your
- 24:49Speaker 2: ass back up. We're going to save your life. They're like,
- 24:50Speaker 2: don't save my life. I'm trying to leave.
- 24:52Speaker 3: They on the USS Stinkin'. It's not the USS Lincoln
- 24:55Speaker 3: no more.
- 24:56Speaker 4: They funkified the boat.
- 24:57Speaker 2: Now the foxes of it all are trying to turn
- 24:59Speaker 2: on them and be like, you a soldier.
- 25:01Speaker 1: You know what you signed up for. This is fine. No,
- 25:03Speaker 1: it's not fine. What happened to.
- 25:05Speaker 4: Take care of the troops? It's sad. The last boat
- 25:08Speaker 4: that was that funky, it was a Tom Joyner cruise.
- 25:10Speaker 4: It's too.
- 25:11Speaker 1: That's not fair. Auntie's always got their white diamonds on.
- 25:13Speaker 4: I was talking about the music. Oh, okay. It's that
- 25:16Speaker 4: kind of funky.
- 25:17Speaker 1: I was like, it's not funky people. It's just going
- 25:19Speaker 1: to smell like white diamonds and, you know.
- 25:21Speaker 4: Jergens.
- 25:22Speaker 1: Loud.
- 25:23Speaker 4: Cherry Blossom.
- 25:23Speaker 1: Cherry Blossom. Negroes love Cherry Blossom Jergens.
- 25:26Speaker 4: The aunties don't play. This is what it sounds. If
- 25:30Speaker 4: you ever want to meet an auntie, this is what
- 25:31Speaker 4: you're going to hear.
- 25:34Speaker 1: And what you're going to smell is a peppermint at
- 25:35Speaker 1: the bottom of her purse. Her purse smell good.
- 25:37Speaker 4: And she going to be mad you didn't put no
- 25:38Speaker 4: lotion on that baby's face.
- 25:39Speaker 1: I think I need to drop a little peppermint in
- 25:40Speaker 1: my purse. It's time. Oh.
- 25:44Speaker 4: I told an older woman that was hitting on me once,
- 25:46Speaker 4: I said, watch out, I eat Werther's. Watch out. I said, hey.
- 25:49Speaker 1: I love me a whimsical caramel candy.
- 25:52Speaker 4: I want me a strawberry candy. Don't play with me.
- 25:54Speaker 2: And I know I don't know where to buy them.
- 25:56Speaker 1: I saw them once at a Dollar Tree. And I
- 25:59Speaker 1: was like, is this where they're getting them?
- 26:00Speaker 4: You blinked and they disappeared.
- 26:01Speaker 1: They did.
- 26:02Speaker 4: Yeah. I don't know where to find them again. That's
- 26:03Speaker 4: how you were coming into your auntie.
- 26:04Speaker 1: You slowly started seeing them.
- 26:05Speaker 4: And then it disappeared.
- 26:07Speaker 2: I did a sketch on the Black Lady Sketch Show
- 26:08Speaker 2: where I was telling Gabrielle Dennis that she was becoming
- 26:10Speaker 2: an auntie.
- 26:10Speaker 1: It's like, you're 35. Yeah.
- 26:12Speaker 3: Listen, I'm close. Wonder why? I got some linen in
- 26:16Speaker 3: this tote. I'm wearing linen. My pants are linen. I
- 26:20Speaker 3: got two linen soft items.
- 26:22Speaker 4: It's breathable. Listen. It's breathable. I'm not about to play.
- 26:25Speaker 1: And speaking of breathable, people were breathing in Dusko.
- 26:31Speaker 4: Dusko. Pop off, Dusko. Pop off, Dusko.
- 26:34Speaker 1: He was a big playboy and wooed famous women during
- 26:37Speaker 1: his missions.
- 26:38Speaker 4: Listen.
- 26:39Speaker 1: Including the French actress Simone Simon. So he got a baddie.
- 26:44Speaker 4: Simone Simon.
- 26:45Speaker 1: Simone Simon.
- 26:46Speaker 4: Wait a second. That's just a drag name. Wait a second.
- 26:48Speaker 4: Your name can't be Simone Simon. That's a great drag name.
- 26:53Speaker 1: And she's eating.
- 26:54Speaker 4: Simone, Simone, you're playing with gender.
- 26:57Speaker 1: Oh, girl. I know she was cunty.
- 27:00Speaker 4: This is wild. I love this.
- 27:02Speaker 2: His German handlers referred to him by the codename Ivan.
- 27:07Speaker 2: He was codenamed Tricycle by the British MI5 because he
- 27:12Speaker 2: was the head of the group of three double agents.
- 27:15Speaker 2: I thought Big Ol' Dick was giving Big Dick.
- 27:18Speaker 4: I didn't. I saw the nose. I said, correlation.
- 27:22Speaker 1: Car real big.
- 27:23Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 27:23Speaker 1: House real big. Dick real big.
- 27:25Speaker 4: Everything real big. Dick real big. Dick real big. Dick
- 27:29Speaker 4: real big.
- 27:30Speaker 1: It's giving dick real big. But they try to keep
- 27:33Speaker 1: it classy.
- 27:33Speaker 4: Tricycle.
- 27:34Speaker 1: But we know.
- 27:35Speaker 4: Because everybody got to ride.
- 27:40Speaker 2: So Disco was the real life inspiration for the character
- 27:44Speaker 2: of James Bond.
- 27:46Speaker 4: Whoa. Yes. James Bond was Serbian. The inspiration for James Dusko.
- 27:52Speaker 1: This is beautiful.
- 27:55Speaker 4: This is great.
- 27:56Speaker 1: I love it. That's my Serbian accent. I feel like
- 27:58Speaker 1: that was good.
- 27:58Speaker 4: That was pretty good. I worked with three Serbian. I
- 28:01Speaker 4: was a personal trainer, sex worker.
- 28:03Speaker 3: I was a personal trainer when I first moved to
- 28:05Speaker 3: New York City and I worked at a gym with
- 28:07Speaker 3: three Serbians.
- 28:09Speaker 4: One named Toza.
- 28:11Speaker 1: One.
- 28:12Speaker 3: I think named Ivan, and then another one whose name
- 28:17Speaker 3: is escaping me.
- 28:18Speaker 4: But his ass was pristine. But his ass is not
- 28:21Speaker 4: escaping you.
- 28:22Speaker 3: He had a Serbia and a Montenegro.
- 28:25Speaker 4: Yes, it was crazy.
- 28:27Speaker 3: You talk about those Central European hills. So I'm looking
- 28:32Speaker 3: at the Balkan states. So I remember talking to them,
- 28:34Speaker 3: and Serbians are so funny because they're so... Because they've
- 28:39Speaker 3: been in so many civil wars. They talk about guns and, like,
- 28:43Speaker 3: you know, basically public executions and murder so casually.
- 28:48Speaker 4: They're like, oh, that's when they killed those people.
- 28:50Speaker 1: Yeah, that's when they killed him. They brought him to square.
- 28:52Speaker 1: They killed him.
- 28:52Speaker 4: It was a murder. You understand? Anyways. Oh, my God.
- 28:56Speaker 1: What would you like to eat?
- 28:57Speaker 4: Chicken?
- 28:57Speaker 1: Stop. You want the special?
- 28:58Speaker 4: Lazy. I can't. Stop. I'm trying to be respectful.
- 29:01Speaker 1: I'm seducing you.
- 29:02Speaker 4: This ain't that kind of podcast.
- 29:03Speaker 1: This is where I talk to you like this and
- 29:05Speaker 1: then this is good.
- 29:06Speaker 4: Oh my God.
- 29:07Speaker 1: I talk to you like this the.
- 29:07Speaker 4: Rest of the time. I want the black Russian. There
- 29:09Speaker 4: we go.
- 29:10Speaker 1: The rest of the time I talk to you like this.
- 29:12Speaker 4: Can I say something also about black people and Russians?
- 29:14Speaker 3: Black people and Russians are the only people who I
- 29:17Speaker 3: know still name their baby Natasha.
- 29:19Speaker 4: Natasha. We do love Natasha. Natasha.
- 29:22Speaker 1: It's good.
- 29:22Speaker 4: Black people.
- 29:23Speaker 1: Tatiana as well. We love Tatiana. We will name Tatiana
- 29:26Speaker 1: as well.
- 29:26Speaker 3: If you know a black person or a Russian, Eastern European,
- 29:29Speaker 3: Natasha and Tatiana, we took those names.
- 29:32Speaker 4: Perfect names.
- 29:32Speaker 1: Good girls. Yes. Always turn out good.
- 29:35Speaker 4: Very strong.
- 29:35Speaker 1: I can't get out of it. Fuck! Where my rushes at?
- 29:42Speaker 4: That's true.
- 29:43Speaker 1: Like, where my rushes at?
- 29:44Speaker 4: Because I feel this, though.
- 29:47Speaker 3: If Putin is letting y'all listen to big money players
- 29:50Speaker 3: over there.
- 29:51Speaker 4: Shout out.
- 29:52Speaker 1: If Putin lets y'all listen.
- 29:53Speaker 4: To big money players. If y'all can watch this.
- 29:55Speaker 1: I feel like Putin would love Will Ferrell.
- 29:57Speaker 4: Yes.
- 29:57Speaker 1: Like, I feel like he.
- 29:58Speaker 4: Would love Will Ferrell. Riding shirtless on a horse. So good.
- 30:01Speaker 1: So funny.
- 30:01Speaker 4: He would love Will Ferrell. That's actually how we bring
- 30:04Speaker 4: everything together.
- 30:05Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 30:05Speaker 4: I think Will could bring it. He needs to go
- 30:07Speaker 4: over there.
- 30:07Speaker 1: You know how Dennis Rodman used to go see Kim Jong-un?
- 30:09Speaker 4: Speak on it.
- 30:10Speaker 1: So we send.
- 30:11Speaker 4: Will Ferrell to Putin.
- 30:12Speaker 1: Yes. And then he helps us fix.
- 30:15Speaker 4: Yes. He goes, Vladimir, I'm going to play you in
- 30:17Speaker 4: a movie. Vladimir Putin goes. Vladimir.
- 30:20Speaker 1: Vladimir, I play you in a movie. I make you funny.
- 30:22Speaker 4: I love this.
- 30:22Speaker 1: I put you on the horse, make you sexy funny.
- 30:24Speaker 4: This is good. This is how we fix it.
- 30:26Speaker 1: Yes.
- 30:26Speaker 4: Look at us, coming up with solutions.
- 30:28Speaker 3: A lot of podcasts ain't going to do this.
- 30:30Speaker 1: They're not coming up with solutions.
- 30:31Speaker 4: It took two black people from the South to be like,
- 30:33Speaker 4: this is how we fix it. And guess what? We
- 30:35Speaker 4: can't give them too much because they will assassinate one
- 30:37Speaker 4: of us. Oh, damn.
- 30:38Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 30:39Speaker 4: Damn.
- 30:39Speaker 1: Okay, wait. Who would look sexier in the clouds?
- 30:41Speaker 4: That's tough. That's hard.
- 30:43Speaker 1: That's tough. Because you.
- 30:46Speaker 3: Because I don't want to be in the casket. I
- 30:47Speaker 3: want to be propped up.
- 30:48Speaker 1: We're both beautiful and we're both black and we're both queer. Damn,
- 30:53Speaker 1: who do they choose?
- 30:53Speaker 4: Listen, that's going to be flip a coin for them. Damn.
- 30:57Speaker 1: I feel like it might be me because they've assassinated
- 30:59Speaker 1: a lot of black men. It would be a nice
- 31:01Speaker 1: switch up to kill a woman.
- 31:03Speaker 4: No, but I don't want... Honestly... You know what, Lacey?
- 31:07Speaker 1: You know what?
- 31:07Speaker 4: I'm going to stop smiling. I'm going to miss you.
- 31:09Speaker 1: This lights up a room. They're going to get me.
- 31:15Speaker 1: Your smile lights up a room, too.
- 31:16Speaker 4: Smile more. It's bad. No, I can't. I don't want
- 31:18Speaker 4: to know.
- 31:19Speaker 1: Show those 32. Okay, well, we got to get back
- 31:21Speaker 1: to Dusko.
- 31:23Speaker 4: Dusko Popov. He was tricking. He was tricking.
- 31:26Speaker 1: Yeah. He tricked the Nazis. Yeah, he tricked the Nazis, right,
- 31:29Speaker 1: as a double agent. Dusko was the real-life inspiration, right,
- 31:32Speaker 1: for James Bond, as we said. The movie Fortitude also
- 31:35Speaker 1: stars Matthew Goode, Ben Kingsley, and Michael Sheen. Okay, yeah.
- 31:41Speaker 4: I love Ben Kingsley.
- 31:41Speaker 1: Charlie Sheen's dad.
- 31:43Speaker 4: Yeah, Martin Sheen.
- 31:45Speaker 1: So here he is holding that gun.
- 31:47Speaker 2: It was shot on a 35mm in the fall of
- 31:49Speaker 2: 2025 in London.
- 31:50Speaker 1: I love when things are shot on cameras, baby. Yes.
- 31:53Speaker 2: Directed by Simon West, who also made Tomb Raider and
- 31:56Speaker 2: Con Air and another Cage movie.
- 31:58Speaker 1: Listen, Con Air was lit.
- 32:00Speaker 4: Yeah, Tomb Raider too.
- 32:01Speaker 1: Inspirational to me.
- 32:02Speaker 4: Tomb Raider. What may I say? I'm running through this
- 32:05Speaker 4: nigga's house like a tomb raider.
- 32:06Speaker 1: He's a con movie maker.
- 32:07Speaker 4: We love a con movie maker.
- 32:08Speaker 1: If we're doing robbery, are we doing fraud? Yes. So
- 32:12Speaker 1: the heist. After Netflix expressed interest in buying the distribution
- 32:16Speaker 1: rights to Fortitude, Associated producer Daniel Hito dropped off a
- 32:20Speaker 1: hard drive with a copy of the movie on it
- 32:22Speaker 1: June 15, 2026 at the Netflix LA office, along with
- 32:28Speaker 1: instructions to wipe the device once the Netflix team had
- 32:31Speaker 1: watched the film. We know ain't nobody wiping no device.
- 32:35Speaker 4: These are children.
- 32:36Speaker 1: Nobody knows how to wipe anything.
- 32:38Speaker 4: He dropped the thumb drive at the Netflix.
- 32:41Speaker 1: And he said, wipe the device when you're done.
- 32:43Speaker 4: You know how I can tell that place ain't secure?
- 32:45Speaker 4: I walked in there.
- 32:46Speaker 1: Same.
- 32:47Speaker 4: Been all of it through. Been all of it through.
- 32:50Speaker 1: The cabinets, the refrigerators, everything.
- 32:52Speaker 4: Board rooms. I could have asked him that, too. Y'all
- 32:54Speaker 4: ain't watching shit.
- 32:56Speaker 1: I'm up in there like, da-dum.
- 32:59Speaker 4: I'm messing with the remotes. Y'all ain't got Hulu? Put
- 33:02Speaker 4: on my special. They said, Jay, this is a Netflix office.
- 33:04Speaker 4: Put it on Hulu, though. Put it on Hulu, though.
- 33:06Speaker 4: Put it on Hulu, though.
- 33:07Speaker 1: Y'all ain't got Hulu. Y'all ain't got Hulu. Y'all didn't
- 33:11Speaker 1: watch our competitors. Period.
- 33:12Speaker 4: Imagine going to Netflix and being like, put on Amazon
- 33:15Speaker 4: Prime real quick for me.
- 33:16Speaker 1: I got something y'all want to see. They got it.
- 33:22Speaker 4: They have to.
- 33:23Speaker 2: So within 24 hours, Netflix executives screened the film.
- 33:28Speaker 1: Hido also told Netflix to notify him when the drive
- 33:30Speaker 1: was ready for pickup, but Netflix was unresponsive to several
- 33:33Speaker 1: efforts to pick up the drive.
- 33:35Speaker 4: Wait a sec.
- 33:36Speaker 1: Now, physical media is dying, and you brought them physical media.
- 33:40Speaker 1: I don't understand why you thought they was going to
- 33:42Speaker 1: give it back to you.
- 33:43Speaker 3: Daniel also said Netflix was unresponsive. Welcome to the club, man.
- 33:48Speaker 3: Welcome to the club, man. Sometimes they be like, we
- 33:50Speaker 3: going to talk to you a little bit. Hey, we
- 33:52Speaker 3: love it. Hey, we love it. Oh, big fans of Jay.
- 33:55Speaker 3: Big fans of Daniel. We're going to talk to you
- 33:56Speaker 3: in a bit.
- 33:57Speaker 4: Hey, sit tight. Hey, sit tight. We got to give
- 34:00Speaker 4: Chappelle another $ 5 million. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- 34:02Speaker 4: Wait a minute. He said Netflix was unresponsive. Welcome to
- 34:06Speaker 4: being a comic, Daniel.
- 34:09Speaker 1: Oh, he's so hot, though. So, wait a minute, though.
- 34:14Speaker 2: On June 25th, a Netflix executive sent an email to
- 34:20Speaker 2: two members of the Fortitude film team. Sometime in the
- 34:24Speaker 2: last 10 days, the hard drive has been stolen, along
- 34:29Speaker 2: with a bunch of other ones.
- 34:30Speaker 4: Other ones.
- 34:32Speaker 1: Netflix says its internal investigation found that the other hard
- 34:36Speaker 1: drives were empty. So they're trying to be like, oh.
- 34:40Speaker 2: I know you said empty the hard drive once we
- 34:42Speaker 2: watched it, but it actually had gotten stolen. But it
- 34:45Speaker 2: was stolen with the other empty hard drives that we
- 34:47Speaker 2: definitely emptied. So don't worry about it because it was
- 34:50Speaker 2: stolen and it was definitely probably empty.
- 34:53Speaker 4: Wait, now this is getting crazy.
- 34:56Speaker 3: So this is a scam about a movie that was
- 34:59Speaker 3: about a scammer for good. So this was a story
- 35:04Speaker 3: about a good scammer who was tricking Nazis.
- 35:06Speaker 1: We're in the Russian doll of scams.
- 35:08Speaker 4: That now... When the Serbian doll of scams. This is amazing.
- 35:12Speaker 1: The Serbian doll of scams. I like that. So Sean Burney,
- 35:18Speaker 1: Netflix's head of acquisitions, said that this type of theft
- 35:21Speaker 1: had never happened before.
- 35:22Speaker 4: He just ran for mayor of L.A.
- 35:24Speaker 1: No. That was Spencer Pratt. But it looks like Spencer.
- 35:29Speaker 4: That ain't Spencer.
- 35:30Speaker 1: That's Spencer Cousins.
- 35:31Speaker 4: That ain't Spencer.
- 35:32Speaker 1: This is definitely Spencer Cousins.
- 35:33Speaker 4: That ain't Spencer.
- 35:34Speaker 1: Damn, he's definitely Spencer Cousins.
- 35:37Speaker 4: That ain't Spencer.
- 35:38Speaker 3: Oh, Lord.
- 35:39Speaker 4: That ain't y'all ex-would-be Republican mayor. Wait, look at this
- 35:41Speaker 4: lady over here.
- 35:42Speaker 1: She's side-eyed.
- 35:43Speaker 4: She knows. Because she thinks that ain't Spencer.
- 35:45Speaker 1: She knows.
- 35:45Speaker 4: She's thinking that ain't Spencer.
- 35:47Speaker 1: I bet she knows.
- 35:48Speaker 3: I bet she knows. I bet she knows. She said, Spencer,
- 35:53Speaker 3: you ain't slick. She said, Sean, sure, whatever. You Spencer.
- 35:58Speaker 3: I know Spencer Pratt when I see Spencer Pratt. I
- 36:01Speaker 3: didn't watch the OC for nothing. I didn't watch the
- 36:03Speaker 3: Hills for nothing.
- 36:04Speaker 4: We're hiding.
- 36:05Speaker 1: Well, he said that the type of theft had never
- 36:12Speaker 1: happened before. Hmm.
- 36:14Speaker 2: He says Netflix checked their security cameras and they are
- 36:17Speaker 2: monitoring piracy websites with no luck.
- 36:20Speaker 4: Hmm.
- 36:21Speaker 1: The thieves are still at large. Because you the thieves.
- 36:26Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 36:26Speaker 1: What you mean?
- 36:27Speaker 3: Netflix, you downloaded that man's movie and said, I don't
- 36:30Speaker 3: know where it went.
- 36:31Speaker 1: They said, da-dum.
- 36:32Speaker 4: And they took it. Netflix said, still watching?
- 36:37Speaker 1: Nope.
- 36:38Speaker 4: This is crazy.
- 36:39Speaker 1: Want us to remind you later?
- 36:40Speaker 4: Really? Really, Netflix? You doing what crackhead cousins used to do?
- 36:44Speaker 4: Be like, I don't know where it is. I don't know.
- 36:46Speaker 4: Wait a second.
- 36:48Speaker 1: It was a USB, right? USB. Not P?
- 36:51Speaker 4: Okay, wait a second. A jump drive, a flash drive,
- 36:54Speaker 4: what you call it?
- 36:54Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 36:55Speaker 4: I got a floppy disk. You mean this? No, okay.
- 36:57Speaker 4: Let me look.
- 36:58Speaker 3: I'm going to look for it. If it turns up,
- 37:00Speaker 3: if it turns... Listen, you're going to be the first
- 37:02Speaker 3: person I call. The first person I call.
- 37:03Speaker 4: If it turns up... If it was a snake.
- 37:05Speaker 1: If it may be.
- 37:06Speaker 3: If it was a snake, it would have bit me.
- 37:07Speaker 3: If it turns up, if I find it, I'm going
- 37:10Speaker 3: to let you know.
- 37:12Speaker 4: How much money?
- 37:12Speaker 3: You said it was $ 200.
- 37:15Speaker 4: We'll get it.
- 37:16Speaker 1: So, Sean.
- 37:17Speaker 3: You know, because if somebody take it, God ain't going
- 37:19Speaker 3: to bless them. If somebody take it, God ain't going
- 37:21Speaker 3: to bless them. They can't do nothing with that money.
- 37:22Speaker 1: You have really doubled down. So, Sean Spencer.
- 37:29Speaker 4: Sean Barney.
- 37:31Speaker 1: Yeah, Sean Barney.
- 37:32Speaker 4: Spencer Pratt.
- 37:33Speaker 2: He claimed that thieves would need a key to unlock
- 37:36Speaker 2: the movie, even though Netflix had allegedly asked the production
- 37:39Speaker 2: company to unlock the drive prior to delivering it.
- 37:42Speaker 4: You can unlock thumb drives?
- 37:44Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's password protected so that people don't steal it.
- 37:50Speaker 1: You know how sometimes we get screeners. This is very Hollywood. Yeah, yeah.
- 37:53Speaker 1: Sometimes we get screeners and you gotta log in. Now,
- 37:56Speaker 1: I miss physical screeners. I loved having physical media.
- 37:58Speaker 4: We bought a DVD player just for that.
- 38:00Speaker 2: And now it's like, log in here and you can
- 38:01Speaker 2: only watch it in this set of time or you
- 38:03Speaker 2: can only do this or da-da-da-da-da. Like, that's what honestly
- 38:07Speaker 2: drug me into The Pit. I had screeners for The
- 38:09Speaker 2: Pit and they fucked up and gave me the whole
- 38:11Speaker 2: goddamn season because I had actors from The Pit come
- 38:14Speaker 2: on the show.
- 38:15Speaker 1: And it was so good.
- 38:17Speaker 4: Lacey, it's so funny. I was so addicted.
- 38:20Speaker 3: I now know you were talking about The show The Pit,
- 38:23Speaker 3: but I thought you meant like some sort of metaphysical pit.
- 38:26Speaker 4: You said that dragged me into the pit. I said,
- 38:28Speaker 4: of despair? What's going on? I said, get up out
- 38:31Speaker 4: of it, Lacey. Get up out of it. Get up
- 38:33Speaker 4: out of it. Get up out of it.
- 38:35Speaker 1: This persona, now I know if I see this one,
- 38:37Speaker 1: you're scamming. Because what is this, Jay? The pit.
- 38:42Speaker 4: It dragged me into the pit.
- 38:44Speaker 1: So... Sean offered to reimburse the production company for the
- 38:50Speaker 1: missing hard drive. Instead, the writer-producer is suing Netflix for
- 38:54Speaker 1: $ 105 million. Whoa! That means our prices are going to
- 38:59Speaker 1: go up. Remember Netflix was in the, like, the three-digit
- 39:03Speaker 1: money amounts? Now it's in the five. I'm including the period.
- 39:07Speaker 4: Yeah, the little juju.
- 39:08Speaker 2: So now it's in the four. So it was in
- 39:10Speaker 2: the three, now it's in the four. So I'm including
- 39:12Speaker 2: the decimal, exactly. So it was like, oh, this amount
- 39:15Speaker 2: of money.
- 39:16Speaker 4: It used to be nine.
- 39:17Speaker 1: And now it's like 21.
- 39:18Speaker 4: Nine, and now it's in, yeah. It's in the 20s.
- 39:21Speaker 3: And what's wild is that they... I guarantee they didn't
- 39:25Speaker 3: offer them $ 105 million. That wasn't the offer. So he
- 39:30Speaker 3: is saying, I don't want whatever y'all offered. Because they
- 39:33Speaker 3: probably just offered to pay for the flash drive. I
- 39:35Speaker 3: give you $ 20. You know what you need?
- 39:36Speaker 1: What is this, a sandisk?
- 39:38Speaker 4: You need $ 30? A sandisk?
- 39:39Speaker 1: Yeah, we got $ 15 for you.
- 39:40Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you need? I can go to the
- 39:42Speaker 3: Geek Squad. Talk to the receptionist.
- 39:43Speaker 1: Actually, it's going to cover your parking, so yeah, you good.
- 39:47Speaker 4: You want a lanyard? We can put on a lanyard
- 39:49Speaker 4: so you don't lose it again.
- 39:51Speaker 2: We added somebody else in now that we're talking about
- 39:53Speaker 2: that lawsuit. We have Simone Ephraim. We got a lot
- 39:56Speaker 2: of Simone Simones.
- 39:57Speaker 1: Up in here. Yeah, this is the second Simone. Yeah,
- 40:00Speaker 1: this is boy Simone. We got girl Simone Simone, and
- 40:03Speaker 1: we got boy Simone. So Simone Ephraim, the film's writer
- 40:06Speaker 1: and producer, also happens to be a Swiss billionaire.
- 40:10Speaker 4: What?
- 40:10Speaker 1: Who spent seven years on his passion project to write
- 40:14Speaker 1: and personally finance this movie. The movie costs $ 45 million
- 40:18Speaker 1: to make, but Simone is suing for $ 105 million, arguing
- 40:22Speaker 1: that because the Fortitude team has to tell potential buyers
- 40:26Speaker 1: the movie could already be leaked, the theft is hindering
- 40:28Speaker 1: the sales process and could further impact everything from insurance
- 40:32Speaker 1: to marketing.
- 40:33Speaker 4: Yes.
- 40:34Speaker 3: I want to take a moment to say Simone Afram,
- 40:37Speaker 3: a Swiss billionaire. If you want to produce a comedy special,
- 40:41Speaker 3: I could also.
- 40:43Speaker 1: Right.
- 40:44Speaker 4: We can make it about Dusko.
- 40:45Speaker 1: We don't need to be 45 million.
- 40:47Speaker 4: I don't need 45 million. We could make this movie.
- 40:51Speaker 3: I can make a couple of jokes about this and
- 40:53Speaker 3: you can get some of your money back. You just
- 40:55Speaker 3: got to give me one minute, two minutes.
- 40:58Speaker 1: Five now?
- 40:59Speaker 4: Five now?
- 41:00Speaker 1: Like six?
- 41:01Speaker 4: Twelve. You a Swiss billionaire. I love Swiss chocolate. I
- 41:06Speaker 4: do too.
- 41:06Speaker 1: Swiss mist.
- 41:07Speaker 4: Swiss mist.
- 41:08Speaker 1: Marshmallows. Yes. Yeah, let us in.
- 41:10Speaker 4: Simone.
- 41:12Speaker 2: So the lawsuit says, though it's mishandling of the film
- 41:15Speaker 2: and subsequent dismissiveness... Netflix has jeopardized plaintiff's investment of over
- 41:20Speaker 2: $ 45 million and the significant value.
- 41:23Speaker 1: Of the film itself.
- 41:25Speaker 4: The horse.
- 41:26Speaker 2: Netflix has also deprived the film, its cast, and its
- 41:30Speaker 2: creators of the opportunity to bring their work to market
- 41:33Speaker 2: and receive recognition that properly marketed worldwide release would likely
- 41:37Speaker 2: have generated.
- 41:38Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
- 41:39Speaker 1: Mm.
- 41:39Speaker 4: That's an Oscar.
- 41:40Speaker 1: They say you robbed opportunities. Like, this could have been
- 41:42Speaker 1: Oscar moments. Yeah. This could have been people's press. And
- 41:44Speaker 1: that does happen. I've been in projects that were fully
- 41:48Speaker 1: filmed and then didn't come out. Luckily for me, it
- 41:51Speaker 1: was one that I didn't want to come out. I
- 41:53Speaker 1: was actually very happy. They switched the script up on me.
- 41:56Speaker 1: I was playing a rapper named Queen Coochie.
- 41:58Speaker 4: You don't want to know. Queen Coochie?
- 41:59Speaker 1: Yeah, it was bad.
- 42:00Speaker 4: Queen Coochie? I love this. I'm so glad it never
- 42:02Speaker 4: came out.
- 42:03Speaker 1: Walmart got sued and I got saved.
- 42:06Speaker 3: I've been in a situation where I got cast. did
- 42:09Speaker 3: the role shot it two days on set we got
- 42:12Speaker 3: cut from the movie people were making fun of the
- 42:14Speaker 3: movie online and as like the rollout the press rollout
- 42:18Speaker 3: because i was cut i didn't have to defend the
- 42:20Speaker 3: movie it was like this movie's terrible that's crazy that's
- 42:24Speaker 3: wild that y'all saying that that's whoa i still get
- 42:27Speaker 3: residual from that movie they're small now but i still
- 42:32Speaker 3: get them.
- 42:33Speaker 1: Listen, I was a black lady on Insecure.
- 42:36Speaker 4: That was the role. That was the title.
- 42:38Speaker 1: And it was a.
- 42:39Speaker 2: Dream sequence, which when I read it, I was like, fuck,
- 42:42Speaker 2: there's a possibility that this could get cut.
- 42:43Speaker 1: Because it's a dream sequence, you know? So we shoot
- 42:46Speaker 1: it all, right?
- 42:47Speaker 2: And I had told my family, told them too early
- 42:50Speaker 2: in my lesson, that I was in Insecure.
- 42:52Speaker 1: Me and Issa laugh about this. But I told them.
- 42:55Speaker 1: And then... Insecure comes out, and I get told from
- 42:59Speaker 1: my reps that I'm not going to be in it.
- 43:01Speaker 1: The dream sequence is cut out. Yes.
- 43:03Speaker 4: Okay, cool.
- 43:03Speaker 1: It was a season three trailer, right? Why am I
- 43:06Speaker 1: in the trailer? Ooh.
- 43:08Speaker 2: So now I feel like, oh my gosh, she in Insecure.
- 43:11Speaker 1: She lit. She lit. Okay. I knew it wasn't actually
- 43:14Speaker 1: ever going to air. Yeah. Yeah. But honestly, though, kind
- 43:18Speaker 1: of cunt.
- 43:18Speaker 4: Kind of cunt.
- 43:19Speaker 1: Very cunt. You didn't cut me for my performance.
- 43:20Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 43:21Speaker 1: Okay, y'all cut for story reasons. You end up in
- 43:23Speaker 1: the trailer. You should sell in the show with me now.
- 43:27Speaker 3: I had a situation like that where I was in
- 43:28Speaker 3: the trailer for Savado the Thickest this past season that
- 43:30Speaker 3: just came out. I was in the trailer and then
- 43:32Speaker 3: I was in one episode and they're like, and more.
- 43:34Speaker 3: I was like, that's it. You actually saw me twice.
- 43:37Speaker 3: You saw me in the trailer and then you saw
- 43:38Speaker 3: me in the episode.
- 43:39Speaker 4: I'm done.
- 43:41Speaker 3: But with Insecure, the funnier thing with Insecure is when
- 43:44Speaker 3: you end up in one of the crazy scenes. So,
- 43:47Speaker 3: you know, TSA Bay, you know, Reggie, he was having
- 43:51Speaker 3: sex with Issa's character.
- 43:52Speaker 4: He showed his ass.
- 43:53Speaker 3: Reggie's like a good friend of mine. He's a hilarious
- 43:55Speaker 3: comic from Philly based in New York.
- 43:57Speaker 4: So funny. But like for a good year, just people
- 44:01Speaker 4: be like, hey.
- 44:01Speaker 1: I saw your ass.
- 44:03Speaker 3: I saw your ass on Insecure. Hey, man, look at
- 44:06Speaker 3: me when I talk to you, man. I saw your ass.
- 44:09Speaker 1: Look at me when I'm talking to you while.
- 44:10Speaker 4: You're saying I saw your ass. Look at me, big
- 44:12Speaker 4: booty TSA dude. Why were you fucking on Issa like that?
- 44:17Speaker 4: Why were you fucking on Issa like that?
- 44:19Speaker 3: She was sad. I can say it. I showed my
- 44:23Speaker 3: ass on HBO. High maintenance. Season four, episode two. Booty
- 44:27Speaker 3: was out. My mama saw the episode. You know what
- 44:30Speaker 3: she said? That's my ass.
- 44:32Speaker 4: I said, you're right. You're right, Margaret. I got it
- 44:34Speaker 4: from you.
- 44:35Speaker 1: That's genetics.
- 44:35Speaker 4: She was like, I made that ass. She said, that
- 44:37Speaker 4: one person, that's me.
- 44:40Speaker 1: My mom didn't give me her ass, so I'm never
- 44:42Speaker 1: showing it.
- 44:44Speaker 2: Listen, look, these titties can't get Boston's ball money, but
- 44:47Speaker 2: they got to get.
- 44:48Speaker 4: It's got to be artistic. They're amazing boobs.
- 44:52Speaker 3: In L.A., you rarely, in L.A., you see so many
- 44:56Speaker 3: people and they go, oh, you know, I guess I
- 44:59Speaker 3: got to go to L.A. get my boobs done. When
- 45:00Speaker 3: people come to L.A. with titties, that's a power move.
- 45:05Speaker 1: Yeah, you're supposed to get them when you're here. You're
- 45:06Speaker 1: supposed to get them.
- 45:07Speaker 4: When you're here.
- 45:08Speaker 3: That's like when you bring a dish to someone's house.
- 45:09Speaker 3: They go, oh my gosh, thank you. Thank you for
- 45:11Speaker 3: bringing something. Thank you for bringing something. Because people don't
- 45:14Speaker 3: have class no more. Some people just bring ice.
- 45:17Speaker 1: That's crazy.
- 45:17Speaker 4: They bring cups. You brought some cups.
- 45:20Speaker 1: I brought some cups. You brought some sea cups. I
- 45:21Speaker 1: brought some sea cups. Scams!
- 45:28Speaker 4: Cards!
- 45:30Speaker 1: So now, I think this is a strong... Case here, Simon.
- 45:35Speaker 4: $ 105 million. Simon.
- 45:37Speaker 1: We're going to call him Simon because we got Simon Simon.
- 45:39Speaker 1: So you're going to have to be Simon, boy Simon.
- 45:42Speaker 1: Simon Simon.
- 45:43Speaker 2: So Simon says, Netflix also refused to cooperate with the
- 45:47Speaker 2: Los Angeles Police Department.
- 45:49Speaker 1: What? But this isn't the first time Simon, whose business
- 45:52Speaker 1: interests aren't public information, sued someone over a movie he
- 45:56Speaker 1: spent seven years writing and producing. I guess he'd be
- 45:58Speaker 1: doing this.
- 45:58Speaker 4: Wait.
- 45:59Speaker 1: Previous lawsuit.
- 46:00Speaker 2: So Simon had another previous lawsuit. At one point, Martin
- 46:03Speaker 2: Scorsese was attached to the project. Simon later sued him.
- 46:07Speaker 1: Sued Marty.
- 46:08Speaker 4: Okay.
- 46:09Speaker 2: Claiming he took $ 500, 000 from a first-time screenwriter to help
- 46:12Speaker 2: develop the film and didn't end up doing it. Scorsese's
- 46:15Speaker 2: lawyers called it a classic example of the novice filmmaker
- 46:18Speaker 2: who refuses to appreciate the stark difference between expectation and
- 46:22Speaker 2: reality in the filmmaking business.
- 46:24Speaker 1: It was later settled. But it was settled though, so Marty.
- 46:29Speaker 4: Okay.
- 46:30Speaker 1: Martin. Martin.
- 46:31Speaker 4: You so crazy.
- 46:32Speaker 1: I love you, Martin. Martin Scorsese. Honestly, Martin, we are
- 46:35Speaker 1: actors and we're going to be on your side. We
- 46:37Speaker 1: just don't let you have this one.
- 46:38Speaker 4: Listen, Martin Scorsese.
- 46:39Speaker 1: It does say it was settled, though. So, Martin, what
- 46:41Speaker 1: you have to settle for?
- 46:41Speaker 4: This is what happened. Martin Scorsese is an older man.
- 46:43Speaker 4: He didn't know. That was tricking him. Martin, what'd you do?
- 46:46Speaker 4: That was fooling him.
- 46:48Speaker 1: Don't tell us, but tell me.
- 46:49Speaker 4: They was fooling him.
- 46:49Speaker 3: I'm not about to argue with the man who made
- 46:51Speaker 3: all the mob movies. Y'all ain't about to have me
- 46:52Speaker 3: beat up.
- 46:53Speaker 1: I feel like he know too much about mob.
- 46:55Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 46:55Speaker 1: Like it might be meta.
- 46:57Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. He definitely knows somebody. To me, this is meta.
- 47:00Speaker 3: Because what if Netflix stole it and then returned it
- 47:03Speaker 3: all in the hopes that they can tell this story
- 47:05Speaker 3: and double dip and release the movie? What if they
- 47:07Speaker 3: have the story that is about Dusko?
- 47:09Speaker 1: Do I have a tinfoil hat?
- 47:10Speaker 4: Listen, put it on. They got the story about Dusko.
- 47:14Speaker 4: They got Fortitude.
- 47:15Speaker 3: But then because this is a movie about tricking people,
- 47:18Speaker 3: now they also have the heist of the film. So
- 47:20Speaker 3: now if they want to, they can make a documentary
- 47:22Speaker 3: and a further, they can make a second movie about
- 47:25Speaker 3: how this movie got stolen. It's about spies. You can
- 47:27Speaker 3: intercut in between the spy foot. Man, you can't trick me.
- 47:32Speaker 1: I can't trick me.
- 47:33Speaker 4: I've been in this industry too long. I see it.
- 47:36Speaker 4: I see for what it is. I know.
- 47:38Speaker 3: I wasn't even gay before I started doing comedy. I said,
- 47:44Speaker 3: if I'm going to do- Comedy turned me gay. I said,
- 47:46Speaker 3: if I'm going to do- Wait, let me think. I said,
- 47:47Speaker 3: if I'm going to be successful.
- 47:49Speaker 1: In Hollywood- Hey, had I eaten some coochie before I
- 47:51Speaker 1: started comedy? I don't think I did. See?
- 47:55Speaker 4: See?
- 47:56Speaker 3: That's what- You come to L.A., that's what's going to
- 47:57Speaker 3: happen to you. You come out here. I'm full Mississippi
- 48:03Speaker 3: uncle now. Yeah, you went to L.A. Went to L.A.
- 48:06Speaker 3: They said, all you want is sashimi. Now look at you.
- 48:09Speaker 3: Now look at you. You going full.
- 48:12Speaker 4: I'm a sake.
- 48:12Speaker 1: Okay.
- 48:15Speaker 3: You eat some yellowtail. You eat some yellowtail. That's a
- 48:19Speaker 3: light-skinned woman. You eat some yellowtail. Got some hamachi. I
- 48:24Speaker 3: know a girl named Hamachi. Went out there and became
- 48:28Speaker 3: a lesbian. L-A-S-B-U-N exclamation point.
- 48:35Speaker 4: A lesbian.
- 48:38Speaker 1: My stomach hurts.
- 48:40Speaker 4: Okay. You on the Ozempic because you can only eat coochie.
- 48:43Speaker 4: You can't hold nothing else down. Breaking my heart.
- 48:47Speaker 1: The way you're reading me for filth right now is crazy. Okay.
- 48:51Speaker 1: I have to finish the episode, Jay.
- 48:53Speaker 4: Acai bowls.
- 48:56Speaker 1: Okay.
- 48:57Speaker 4: You know what they put in there. You gotta stop.
- 48:59Speaker 1: You gotta stop. You gotta stop.
- 49:03Speaker 4: They say you want some matcha. I said, I'm a...
- 49:06Speaker 4: I said.
- 49:07Speaker 1: I said... I said, you better macho your ass back there.
- 49:19Speaker 4: And give me some coffee.
- 49:25Speaker 1: I'm reading now. I'm reading. I'm fighting for my life.
- 49:29Speaker 4: I was the person who said I had a hard out.
- 49:32Speaker 4: I don't.
- 49:34Speaker 1: You son of a bitch. The previous lawsuit. So Martin
- 49:41Speaker 1: Scorsese got sued.
- 49:44Speaker 3: That was me doing an impression of the audience members
- 49:45Speaker 3: at Chocolate Sunday this past weekend.
- 49:49Speaker 1: He later settled it. God, my throat hurts. And Fortitude
- 49:55Speaker 1: isn't the first Nicolas Cage movie to be stolen.
- 49:58Speaker 4: What?
- 49:59Speaker 1: He was in a movie called Stolen.
- 50:01Speaker 3: No.
- 50:02Speaker 1: No. What?
- 50:09Speaker 2: Appropriately named in 2012. It was a ripoff of Taken.
- 50:16Speaker 2: And I love that.
- 50:17Speaker 4: Oh, my God. Wait a second.
- 50:19Speaker 1: He's in a lot of movies. Now, listen, I love
- 50:21Speaker 1: the ripoff of Taken.
- 50:22Speaker 4: This is to be taken?
- 50:23Speaker 1: To be taken. And listen, I love this because one
- 50:28Speaker 1: of my favorite things that black people do is we
- 50:29Speaker 1: rename things. You know there's no S in Nordstrom's?
- 50:33Speaker 4: What?
- 50:34Speaker 1: We added that. There's no SMJC pennies.
- 50:36Speaker 4: We added that as well. It's more than one store.
- 50:39Speaker 1: It is.
- 50:39Speaker 4: Okay.
- 50:40Speaker 1: Which is why we're correct.
- 50:41Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. Yes.
- 50:42Speaker 1: And one time I called my mother, Lori.
- 50:44Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
- 50:45Speaker 1: And I was like, hey, Mom, what are you doing?
- 50:47Speaker 1: She said, me and Daddy just laying here watching Retook. Mm-hmm.
- 50:50Speaker 1: And I said, oh, I haven't heard of Retook. Mm-hmm.
- 50:54Speaker 1: Is that like a new movie? I haven't watched that.
- 50:55Speaker 1: Let me throw that out, too.
- 50:56Speaker 4: Mm-hmm, Retook.
- 50:57Speaker 2: And she was like, you know, it's the one with
- 50:59Speaker 2: the neck chopping, with Liam Neeson with the neck chopping.
- 51:01Speaker 1: I said, take it?
- 51:02Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
- 51:03Speaker 1: And she was like, yeah, retook.
- 51:05Speaker 4: Retook.
- 51:05Speaker 1: I said, taken to?
- 51:07Speaker 4: Yep.
- 51:09Speaker 1: Retook.
- 51:09Speaker 4: That's logic, though. I like that. Retook. Retook.
- 51:14Speaker 1: So stolen.
- 51:15Speaker 4: Stolen.
- 51:16Speaker 1: They was like, taken. Now we got stolen.
- 51:18Speaker 4: Stolen.
- 51:18Speaker 1: Robbed.
- 51:19Speaker 4: Pilfered.
- 51:20Speaker 1: Napped.
- 51:22Speaker 4: Snatched. Burgled.
- 51:27Speaker 1: Burgled twins.
- 51:27Speaker 4: Burgled. Burgled.
- 51:29Speaker 1: That burgled my baby.
- 51:30Speaker 4: That unburgled my baby. Burgled. Burgled.
- 51:33Speaker 1: It hit all the neck chops you want.
- 51:34Speaker 2: I love that.
- 51:36Speaker 1: Liam rarely had to use a gun. He was just
- 51:39Speaker 1: neck chopping. Yeah, yeah. Now, he did do that interview
- 51:42Speaker 1: where he talked about walking around Europe with a bat.
- 51:44Speaker 4: Looking for black men. Looking for black men.
- 51:46Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. And I was like, damn, Liam, we was
- 51:48Speaker 1: on your side. You were one of our favorite whites.
- 51:49Speaker 1: I can't believe you did this to us.
- 51:53Speaker 4: I was just looking for a black bastard. That's what
- 51:55Speaker 4: he said. He said, I was just looking for a
- 51:57Speaker 4: black bastard.
- 51:58Speaker 1: And he was comfortable enough to say.
- 52:00Speaker 4: That, sir.
- 52:01Speaker 3: Were you under the influence? Why did you think this
- 52:02Speaker 3: was a good thing to say? He picked the right
- 52:04Speaker 3: place to do it, though. He didn't come to America.
- 52:06Speaker 3: He didn't go, I was in Houston looking for a
- 52:07Speaker 3: black bastard.
- 52:08Speaker 1: Oh, no, because he would have found.
- 52:10Speaker 4: He would have found a couple.
- 52:12Speaker 1: And you don't want to find them.
- 52:13Speaker 4: That is funny. You're right. He was like, spot a T.
- 52:17Speaker 1: I was looking for a spot a T, Negro. A
- 52:19Speaker 1: spot a T. Like, you weren't looking for us. Because
- 52:22Speaker 1: we'd be looking for you.
- 52:24Speaker 3: To go to Europe and be like, I was looking
- 52:26Speaker 3: for a black bastard.
- 52:27Speaker 4: Ain't nothing over there. You know where you could go.
- 52:30Speaker 1: They're there, though.
- 52:31Speaker 4: There's some.
- 52:31Speaker 1: I've met some very lovely European bros.
- 52:34Speaker 4: I was just in London for a week. They came
- 52:36Speaker 4: out to the show. They were fun.
- 52:38Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 52:38Speaker 4: I love it. I love it, innit?
- 52:41Speaker 1: I love it, innit, too.
- 52:42Speaker 4: Innit.
- 52:43Speaker 1: I love it, innit.
- 52:43Speaker 4: Innit.
- 52:44Speaker 1: Innit. Brov. Brov.
- 52:45Speaker 4: Bruv.
- 52:46Speaker 1: Bruv. Bruv. Bruv.
- 52:48Speaker 4: And you know how strong we are?
- 52:49Speaker 1: My guy cousin.
- 52:50Speaker 4: Bruv.
- 52:50Speaker 3: Because what we're doing right now, yes, I know, culturally insensitive.
- 52:53Speaker 3: I don't do this to their face, but.
- 52:56Speaker 1: Oh, I do it to their faces.
- 52:57Speaker 4: Okay. I do. Well, now.
- 52:59Speaker 1: Did I have a little pickpocket?
- 53:00Speaker 3: You kind of are doing whenever white people do the.
- 53:05Speaker 4: Nah, I could.
- 53:07Speaker 1: No, no, it's not the same. No, no, it's not
- 53:09Speaker 1: the same.
- 53:09Speaker 4: Okay, no, it's not the same.
- 53:10Speaker 1: No, it's a little more Australian.
- 53:12Speaker 4: It's more Australian.
- 53:13Speaker 1: Yeah. It's more Australian. All I really can say in
- 53:15Speaker 1: an Australian accent is like lazy desk.
- 53:17Speaker 3: Didn't they send you over there?
- 53:18Speaker 1: No, I was in Ireland. Yeah, having a good crock.
- 53:21Speaker 1: I was in Ireland.
- 53:22Speaker 4: Ireland?
- 53:23Speaker 1: Yes. I'm learning all the European regional accents for my
- 53:25Speaker 1: next scam. But whenever you get kicked out.
- 53:28Speaker 4: Yes.
- 53:28Speaker 1: No, babes. I'm trying to get that Irish passport. They
- 53:30Speaker 1: got all the stamps. You can go to the UK,
- 53:31Speaker 1: go to the EU. Like, I need that.
- 53:34Speaker 4: I need that.
- 53:35Speaker 1: So, I'm going to find me a little shamrock, a
- 53:36Speaker 1: little Liam. Somebody at the end of the rainbow.
- 53:39Speaker 4: A little shamrock. To love me.
- 53:41Speaker 1: Okay? Hurry it.
- 53:44Speaker 4: Party like a shamrock star. So, this is Stolen, right?
- 53:46Speaker 1: Stolen. I didn't watch Stolen. But now I kind of
- 53:49Speaker 1: want to watch Stolen. Should we all do a movie
- 53:50Speaker 1: night at Stolen? Like, I feel like we need to
- 53:52Speaker 1: watch it. Nicolas Cage makes a lot of movies.
- 53:56Speaker 4: They.
- 53:58Speaker 3: If two of your movies get stolen, that's like, it's
- 54:03Speaker 3: not your fault, but you are.
- 54:04Speaker 1: I feel like you are contributing to the stolenness of
- 54:06Speaker 1: the movie.
- 54:07Speaker 4: You know what it is?
- 54:08Speaker 3: Have you ever had someone, they go, oh, I lost
- 54:11Speaker 3: my phone. And then within the same calendar year, they
- 54:15Speaker 3: lose it again.
- 54:16Speaker 4: You go, now it's you. You go first. At first, okay,
- 54:21Speaker 4: sometimes there's still phones in the club. I've been to Miami.
- 54:23Speaker 4: Or maybe you.
- 54:24Speaker 2: Lose your phone in an airplane seat that's like the
- 54:27Speaker 2: reclining one. This is very specific, not from my own experience,
- 54:31Speaker 2: but the reclining airplane seat, and then it's stuck in between,
- 54:34Speaker 2: and then they won't let you get it out, and
- 54:36Speaker 2: then you can't get it, and you got to get
- 54:37Speaker 2: a new phone and work from your iPad for a
- 54:39Speaker 2: little while.
- 54:39Speaker 3: And you go, wow, I really lost it. I thought
- 54:42Speaker 3: Delta One was going to be the lap of luxury.
- 54:44Speaker 3: I have lost my phone.
- 54:45Speaker 1: Yeah, Delta One was like, you're not the one or
- 54:47Speaker 1: the two. We're not taking care of you. You're not the.
- 54:50Speaker 4: One or the two. Yeah, but now if you lose
- 54:53Speaker 4: a second movie. No, it's like you're losing.
- 54:56Speaker 1: Too many movies.
- 54:56Speaker 4: You're losing movies.
- 54:57Speaker 1: Like, movies is a lot to lose.
- 54:59Speaker 4: Right, more than one.
- 55:00Speaker 1: That's like losing a house. It's like, how did you
- 55:02Speaker 1: lose two houses? Yeah.
- 55:04Speaker 4: It just took them.
- 55:05Speaker 1: I came back and it was just stilts. Like, what happened?
- 55:08Speaker 1: What happened? It feels too big to lose. Right?
- 55:11Speaker 4: You worked hard on this.
- 55:14Speaker 1: So Nick Cage has been the star of somewhere around
- 55:18Speaker 1: 100 films.
- 55:18Speaker 4: That's beautiful.
- 55:19Speaker 1: And appeared in smaller roles and about 50 more. The
- 55:23Speaker 1: actual number is disputed online. He's averaged more than two
- 55:26Speaker 1: movies per year over his 40-year career. That would be
- 55:29Speaker 1: 80 off rip. And up to four movies per year
- 55:32Speaker 1: since 2015. Some of them are great. Some of them
- 55:35Speaker 1: are not. Many are streaming. But the main... Streaming being
- 55:40Speaker 1: last is Honestly.
- 55:41Speaker 4: Streaming is killing us. Some are good. Some are great.
- 55:43Speaker 1: Some of them are streaming.
- 55:45Speaker 4: Some of them are streaming.
- 55:46Speaker 1: But the man did win an Oscar for Best Actor,
- 55:49Speaker 1: so give him a break. His movies have grossed over
- 55:51Speaker 1: $ 6. 4 billion worldwide.
- 55:54Speaker 2: He has to work a lot to afford his spending
- 55:56Speaker 2: habits that include two castles, a pet octopus, and dinosaur bones.
- 56:02Speaker 2: He once outbid Leonardo DiCaprio to acquire a 270,000, 67-million-year-old
- 56:06Speaker 2: Tarbosaurus skull.
- 56:10Speaker 1: Which also may have been stolen. What? But how much
- 56:15Speaker 1: is one stolen Netflix screener worth? Only a court system
- 56:18Speaker 1: can decide. Yeah, that's how you know you have too
- 56:21Speaker 1: much money. When you are bidding on dinosaur bones against
- 56:25Speaker 1: Leonardo DiCaprio, you have absolutely lost the plot.
- 56:29Speaker 4: Wait a minute. What if Nicolas Cage is in on this?
- 56:32Speaker 1: Rich people become boring.
- 56:33Speaker 3: Nicholas Cage stole the Fortitude movie and now he's hiding
- 56:40Speaker 3: it and making Netflix and Simone fight against each other
- 56:44Speaker 3: and then he's going to pop up with.
- 56:46Speaker 2: Okay, but he must be still living in delusion because
- 56:48Speaker 2: does he think that he is like 1980s or 90s
- 56:52Speaker 2: Nicholas Cage?
- 56:53Speaker 1: Ain't nobody paying that much for a Nicholas Cage movie
- 56:55Speaker 1: right now.
- 56:56Speaker 4: Okay, but he don't know that.
- 56:58Speaker 1: He living in delusion.
- 56:59Speaker 4: He don't know that.
- 57:00Speaker 1: He was like, what if I steal me? Then everybody's
- 57:03Speaker 1: going to want me.
- 57:03Speaker 4: That's beautiful.
- 57:05Speaker 1: But I love his confidence, though.
- 57:06Speaker 4: I love it.
- 57:06Speaker 1: I actually never want him to let his self-esteem down.
- 57:09Speaker 1: You know what? You should think that you could steal
- 57:11Speaker 1: your own movie and that it would be fought for.
- 57:13Speaker 3: Nicholas Cage did this. That's my call. Nicholas Cage is
- 57:19Speaker 3: the person. He put on a hat, and then he
- 57:21Speaker 3: took the jump drive.
- 57:23Speaker 1: He took a hat and rose-colored glasses.
- 57:25Speaker 4: He put on the big hat. The lesbian hat. Pull
- 57:28Speaker 4: it back up. The lesbian hat.
- 57:30Speaker 1: We need to go back to lesbian Nicolas Cage if
- 57:32Speaker 1: we can.
- 57:32Speaker 4: They said, who's that lesbian? We don't know her. We
- 57:34Speaker 4: don't know her. She walked off with the jump drive.
- 57:36Speaker 1: But she was powerful, though.
- 57:37Speaker 4: Yes.
- 57:37Speaker 1: She had on a sparkly suit and a silk top.
- 57:40Speaker 1: He walked in the building like that and stole the
- 57:42Speaker 1: thumb drive.
- 57:43Speaker 4: Exactly.
- 57:44Speaker 1: They were like, we have to look at this powerful
- 57:45Speaker 1: lesbian hat.
- 57:46Speaker 4: Because you trust that person. Yeah. That lesbian said, I'm
- 57:48Speaker 4: going to make sure Rosie sees this.
- 57:50Speaker 1: She spent too much time on her fit to not
- 57:51Speaker 1: trust her.
- 57:52Speaker 4: Exactly.
- 57:53Speaker 1: We have to trust her.
- 57:54Speaker 4: I was blinded by the rhinestones. They caught the light.
- 57:57Speaker 1: That's why he was stealing. You were blind and he
- 57:59Speaker 1: was like.
- 58:02Speaker 4: You know how if you got lasers in the place,
- 58:04Speaker 4: the rhinestones, they castrated.
- 58:05Speaker 1: They refracted the light.
- 58:06Speaker 4: They refracted the light.
- 58:07Speaker 1: So it's just like rich.
- 58:08Speaker 4: That's a cloak of invisibility, practically.
- 58:12Speaker 1: A lesbian cloak of invisibility.
- 58:14Speaker 4: Yes, which is Hollywood not making lesbian movies.
- 58:17Speaker 1: And we need so many more lesbian movies.
- 58:19Speaker 4: Lesbian movies, what they do is they make a- Oh.
- 58:21Speaker 2: My God, should I write the movie about like a
- 58:23Speaker 2: butch queen who ruins my life with her backpack and problems?
- 58:25Speaker 4: You should. But you got to make sure that- That's
- 58:27Speaker 4: all she got is.
- 58:28Speaker 1: A backpack and problems. I might call it that.
- 58:34Speaker 3: Well, because, like, a lot of lesbians, the movies y'all
- 58:36Speaker 3: get are, like, it's in the 1950s, and by the end,
- 58:39Speaker 3: the women are old and about to die, and they touch.
- 58:41Speaker 4: Hands, and they kind of go. That would really be it.
- 58:43Speaker 4: They go.
- 58:43Speaker 1: They be on the porch after their husbands are dead
- 58:47Speaker 1: and have a spontaneous elderly orgasm when they touch hands.
- 58:54Speaker 1: And then they die. It'd be like, ah, I just
- 58:57Speaker 1: need this one nut before.
- 59:05Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 59:06Speaker 1: Yeah. We need more. We need more.
- 59:09Speaker 3: And we expect you to produce it, Nicolette Cage.
- 59:14Speaker 1: Nicolette!
- 59:15Speaker 4: Nicolette, we expect you to produce it.
- 59:17Speaker 1: Nicolette, you are now ally, okay? And it's not by choice, okay?
- 59:20Speaker 4: You've been drafted. You've been drafted to the LGBT army.
- 59:23Speaker 4: This is the draft.
- 59:25Speaker 3: We picking some up. That's right, straights. We drafting some
- 59:28Speaker 3: of y'all now. You don't want to be gay? Too
- 59:31Speaker 3: fucking bad. This is Uncle Sam. This is Auntie Sam.
- 59:34Speaker 1: We want you.
- 59:39Speaker 4: Me? Me? You. I'm gay now? You a lesbian.
- 59:43Speaker 1: Yes. Okay. You got the hairline for it.
- 59:47Speaker 4: No. Where are the poors?
- 59:50Speaker 1: We like it.
- 59:51Speaker 4: Come on over. Okay?
- 59:53Speaker 1: You're now in recruitment.
- 59:54Speaker 4: Lil' Fizz, you a lesbian now. I speak it. I
- 59:58Speaker 4: send it.
- 59:59Speaker 1: David Banner? House father. We won't fully turn you. With
- 1:00:04Speaker 1: the wig. But after you was dancing with that wig.
- 1:00:06Speaker 4: With the wig. David Banner, you an ally. Yeah, you
- 1:00:08Speaker 4: gotta work for us. You an ally, David Banner. You
- 1:00:10Speaker 4: work for us now. You don't even know.
- 1:00:11Speaker 1: I don't make the rules.
- 1:00:13Speaker 4: You put that wig on.
- 1:00:14Speaker 1: And so did you. You called us. It was a
- 1:00:16Speaker 1: bat signal. You put that wig on backstage. That's like
- 1:00:18Speaker 1: Alabama Brawl. You throw the hat up in the air,
- 1:00:20Speaker 1: we show up. Throw that wig on, the gays are here.
- 1:00:23Speaker 4: You threw the wig up, hopped under it.
- 1:00:26Speaker 1: And then started skipping. Hello? You thought you were going
- 1:00:28Speaker 1: to skip in a green suit and a wig and
- 1:00:29Speaker 1: we weren't going to call you to the draft? Please
- 1:00:31Speaker 1: be serious.
- 1:00:33Speaker 4: See you there. We need you to do a JSA
- 1:00:36Speaker 4: eight count next month.
- 1:00:38Speaker 1: Next month.
- 1:00:38Speaker 4: Major in.
- 1:00:39Speaker 1: And we're not playing. So, Netflix itself. Mm-hmm. has had
- 1:00:49Speaker 1: a nice profitable year, mostly due to a $ 2. 8 billion
- 1:00:54Speaker 1: termination fee Paramount paid them for not buying Warner Brothers. Whoa.
- 1:00:59Speaker 2: It's been Monopoly for a minute, and we were trying
- 1:01:02Speaker 2: to figure out who's going to buy the Monopoly.
- 1:01:05Speaker 3: This has been scams on scams on scams on scams
- 1:01:08Speaker 3: on scams.
- 1:01:10Speaker 1: What?
- 1:01:11Speaker 4: They paid Paramount. Paramount paid them.
- 1:01:14Speaker 2: No, so Paramount had to pay them because they were
- 1:01:16Speaker 2: in the deal for buying Warner Brothers. Then Paramount wanted
- 1:01:20Speaker 2: to swipe in because Paramount ain't got, I can't even
- 1:01:22Speaker 2: really say that.
- 1:01:23Speaker 1: Watch iCarly on Paramount Plus.
- 1:01:26Speaker 3: And watch Comedy Central. New Comedy Central stuff coming in
- 1:01:30Speaker 3: too from Paramount.
- 1:01:31Speaker 4: Get Paramount. You're Paramount +. It's good. Who doesn't love Yellowstone?
- 1:01:35Speaker 4: We love it. We love Yellowstone.
- 1:01:37Speaker 1: Put it in your eyeballs.
- 1:01:38Speaker 4: Put that Yellowstone in your land, man. Drag Race. They
- 1:01:41Speaker 4: got Drag Race. Yeah.
- 1:01:43Speaker 1: And then DMV.
- 1:01:44Speaker 4: The Challenge.
- 1:01:45Speaker 1: Funny comedy.
- 1:01:46Speaker 4: You want to see 40-year-olds blow out they knees? Watch
- 1:01:48Speaker 4: The Challenge.
- 1:01:49Speaker 1: You need to see 40-year-olds blow out they knees.
- 1:01:51Speaker 4: Come on. Them people.
- 1:01:53Speaker 1: How can you appreciate your knee if you ain't seen
- 1:01:55Speaker 1: one blown?
- 1:01:56Speaker 4: You don't want to see CT?
- 1:01:57Speaker 3: They got that man locked up in the cage like
- 1:01:59Speaker 3: a pit bull. They just got him eating kibble out
- 1:02:01Speaker 3: the bowl, ready to attack.
- 1:02:03Speaker 1: These are things you're missing. SpongeBob. Paramount +.
- 1:02:06Speaker 3: CT has been doing the challenge since I was in
- 1:02:09Speaker 3: high school.
- 1:02:09Speaker 1: And he's some fine shit. And that's all he know.
- 1:02:12Speaker 4: How to do. Hey.
- 1:02:13Speaker 1: Oof. He's like a golden retriever man.
- 1:02:16Speaker 4: Nah, that's a pit bull man. That's not a golden
- 1:02:18Speaker 4: retriever man. That's a pit bull man. But you know what?
- 1:02:20Speaker 2: They do the same activities sometimes. Because golden retriever go
- 1:02:23Speaker 2: fetch stuff. Pit bull man will go fetch stuff.
- 1:02:25Speaker 1: But pit bull man is harder to train. That's what
- 1:02:28Speaker 1: you're right. He is a pit bull.
- 1:02:28Speaker 2: Because if he was a golden retriever, he'd have a
- 1:02:30Speaker 2: wife by now who knew how to send his skills
- 1:02:32Speaker 2: into the right direction.
- 1:02:33Speaker 3: A pit bull man, every now and then you say, kid,
- 1:02:34Speaker 3: stop playing with that dog. You know that dog crazy.
- 1:02:38Speaker 1: Yeah, he a little. He a little. Stop.
- 1:02:41Speaker 4: Okay. No, he bite you.
- 1:02:42Speaker 1: Yeah, he not lassy.
- 1:02:43Speaker 4: He's like.
- 1:02:44Speaker 2: He'll tell you somebody's sucking the whale, but it's like
- 1:02:47Speaker 2: he biting your ankle.
- 1:02:47Speaker 1: You like, what? What? And he like, the whale.
- 1:02:52Speaker 4: Shout out CT. Because that's what he got. CTE. Shout
- 1:02:55Speaker 4: out CT. Shout out CT.
- 1:02:58Speaker 1: Call him CTE.
- 1:02:59Speaker 4: It's crazy.
- 1:02:59Speaker 1: CTE. Jay, I got to wrap this up because you
- 1:03:02Speaker 1: killing me. So what's going to happen to Fortitude?
- 1:03:07Speaker 3: I'm trying to watch. Oh, you know, that's crazy. So, Lacey,
- 1:03:11Speaker 3: can I tell you something that relates to this? I
- 1:03:13Speaker 3: didn't even know you were going... So, I found a
- 1:03:15Speaker 3: flash drive last time I was at Netflix.
- 1:03:17Speaker 4: And I think... Wait a second. I mean... Why are
- 1:03:20Speaker 4: you pulling a couple back? What is happening right now?
- 1:03:26Speaker 4: I think I got the.
- 1:03:27Speaker 2: Why are you rummaging like me?
- 1:03:29Speaker 4: I think I got it. It's a... Nope. That's a
- 1:03:32Speaker 4: power bank.
- 1:03:33Speaker 1: Okay. Okay. So, you got it.
- 1:03:36Speaker 4: No, I don't have it.
- 1:03:37Speaker 1: Well, what will happen to Fortitude? Let's see.
- 1:03:39Speaker 2: Simon Afrem says that he continues to see tremendous interest
- 1:03:45Speaker 2: in the film, and he hopes to find the right
- 1:03:47Speaker 2: partner for distribution as the worldwide rights remain available. Will
- 1:03:53Speaker 2: it be leaked online and lose all its value? Or
- 1:03:55Speaker 2: will it be released in theaters and actually get a
- 1:03:57Speaker 2: bump from the heist news cycle? Or was Simon actually
- 1:04:02Speaker 2: the one who stole it?
- 1:04:03Speaker 1: Oh!
- 1:04:04Speaker 2: Attempting to make his money back via lawsuit.
- 1:04:07Speaker 1: We may never know.
- 1:04:10Speaker 4: Ooh. Okay. Yeah. You know what I do know?
- 1:04:15Speaker 1: I think, honestly, I'm going to vote for Simon Stollett.
- 1:04:18Speaker 1: I'm going to ask your opinion.
- 1:04:19Speaker 2: I'm voting for Simon Stollett just because Nicolas Cage is
- 1:04:23Speaker 2: not the movie star that he was before.
- 1:04:26Speaker 1: He ain't bringing in box office numbers.
- 1:04:28Speaker 2: And you spent $ 45 million on this, and I think
- 1:04:30Speaker 2: you realized you wasn't even going to get that $ 45 back.
- 1:04:32Speaker 1: Wow. So you were like, ugh. Maybe I steal it,
- 1:04:35Speaker 1: and then I don't have to worry about it.
- 1:04:38Speaker 4: Yeah, this is a little bit of dope boy activities.
- 1:04:41Speaker 3: Whenever you say, oh, I'm going to flip this, but
- 1:04:44Speaker 3: then you sell it to somebody, but then you rob
- 1:04:46Speaker 3: them to get it back because you.
- 1:04:47Speaker 4: Weren't going to make the money in the first place.
- 1:04:49Speaker 1: And then sell it again.
- 1:04:49Speaker 4: A little double back. A little double back.
- 1:04:51Speaker 1: That's what it's giving.
- 1:04:52Speaker 2: It's giving like, you know what Zaslav been doing. Shooting movies,
- 1:04:57Speaker 2: spending all the money, and then be like, we're not
- 1:04:59Speaker 2: going to release the movie. We got to tax write
- 1:05:00Speaker 2: off it. And it was definitely going to make five
- 1:05:02Speaker 2: times what we shot it for.
- 1:05:04Speaker 3: Lacey, do you understand how wild it is that Wile E.
- 1:05:08Speaker 3: Coyote vs. Acme is about a little person being taken
- 1:05:13Speaker 3: advantage of by a big company and then the people
- 1:05:15Speaker 3: who made the movie got taken advantage of by a
- 1:05:17Speaker 3: big company?
- 1:05:18Speaker 1: And that, it's crazy.
- 1:05:20Speaker 4: That's crazy.
- 1:05:21Speaker 1: He was fighting for his life.
- 1:05:22Speaker 4: That's wild. So yes, I'm with you.
- 1:05:24Speaker 1: Wile E. Coyote.
- 1:05:25Speaker 4: Wile E. Coyote. Meep meep.
- 1:05:27Speaker 1: See? They meep meeped him.
- 1:05:28Speaker 4: Oh, they meep meep. They painted a tunnel on a wall.
- 1:05:33Speaker 1: But it was AMC Theater.
- 1:05:36Speaker 4: They went running. We going to the movies.
- 1:05:38Speaker 1: Right. Boom.
- 1:05:41Speaker 2: No, we was never going to the movies, babes. This
- 1:05:43Speaker 2: is a tax write-off. Welcome to capitalism.
- 1:05:48Speaker 4: Simone, while we did, Lacey just blew your scam up.
- 1:05:52Speaker 4: I didn't. Lacey just blew your scam up.
- 1:05:54Speaker 1: Stop trying to put everything on me.
- 1:05:55Speaker 4: Lacey blew your scam up.
- 1:05:56Speaker 1: I need plausible deniability.
- 1:05:58Speaker 3: I don't know what happened to the films. I don't
- 1:06:00Speaker 3: know what happened. You know what I think? I think
- 1:06:04Speaker 3: whoever wants to get this movie made, they're going to
- 1:06:06Speaker 3: have to have some real fortitude.
- 1:06:09Speaker 4: Wait, fortitude. Maybe in theaters, question mark. Fortitude. Starring Nicolas Cage. Fortitude.
- 1:06:24Speaker 1: Well, that brings us to the end of a fantastic episode. Jay,
- 1:06:26Speaker 1: we always ask on this podcast, where would you like
- 1:06:28Speaker 1: to be found? Anything you want to plug, promote?
- 1:06:30Speaker 3: Yes, you can watch my special. Yes, ma'am, currently on Hulu.
- 1:06:34Speaker 3: I'm also on tour. You can see me coming to
- 1:06:37Speaker 3: your city. I'm going to Chicago. I'm coming back to
- 1:06:40Speaker 3: Los Angeles October 30th to do my hour. I'll be
- 1:06:44Speaker 3: all over the place. I mean, I'm all over the
- 1:06:47Speaker 3: place right now. I'm shooting the Comedy Central taping today.
- 1:06:51Speaker 3: So that's fun. That'll be fun. I'm going to say
- 1:06:53Speaker 3: some crazy stuff about them.
- 1:06:55Speaker 1: As you should.
- 1:06:56Speaker 3: So just follow me online. Get through all the thirst traps.
- 1:07:01Speaker 1: There's a lot of thirst for them, though.
- 1:07:02Speaker 3: I put up one today. It's not why I was
- 1:07:05Speaker 3: late for this. I posted that while I was in
- 1:07:07Speaker 3: the car on the way here. Because I know sometimes
- 1:07:09Speaker 3: people be like, Jay, let me look at the time
- 1:07:11Speaker 3: stamp on this. I clicked send in the car. It's
- 1:07:15Speaker 3: not why I was late. I had my clothes on.
- 1:07:18Speaker 4: I was ready.
- 1:07:19Speaker 1: The more you speak, the less I believe.
- 1:07:20Speaker 3: No, that's not why I was late. I was late,
- 1:07:23Speaker 3: but I wasn't late. Do you see what I'm saying?
- 1:07:25Speaker 1: He also moved this show up.
- 1:07:27Speaker 4: I moved it up, but then I came down.
- 1:07:29Speaker 1: It was late.
- 1:07:30Speaker 4: I was trying to meet you halfway down at the
- 1:07:32Speaker 4: borderline where I'm going to wait for you.
- 1:07:33Speaker 1: And you know what? I'm not even going to skip
- 1:07:35Speaker 1: looking down. Night and day. This is what I say.
- 1:07:40Speaker 1: I can't get....
- 1:07:46Speaker 4: Any further.
- 1:07:47Speaker 1: Further than this. I want you so bad, it's my
- 1:07:52Speaker 1: only wish.
- 1:07:53Speaker 4: Stacey Ferguson. Stacey Ferguson. Period.
- 1:08:00Speaker 1: Oh, my God. When she started doing the flips, I
- 1:08:03Speaker 1: was like, yeah, she on drugs. Honestly, also, I'm so extra.
- 1:08:07Speaker 1: I love to do a split. I love to do
- 1:08:10Speaker 1: a flip. So I honestly resonated with her when she
- 1:08:13Speaker 1: was doing it. Like, I don't know. And her national
- 1:08:16Speaker 1: anthem is right up there with Whitney Houston for me. Yeah.
- 1:08:19Speaker 1: For different reasons.
- 1:08:20Speaker 4: You want to know why? Guess what?
- 1:08:21Speaker 1: Whitney's is iconic now, and so is Fergie's.
- 1:08:27Speaker 4: Sometimes you got to make a song your own.
- 1:08:30Speaker 1: She made it all her own.
- 1:08:31Speaker 3: How you gonna make a song your own? You don't
- 1:08:33Speaker 3: take no strong choices. Some of y'all ain't never did nothing.
- 1:08:36Speaker 3: Y'all never taken a risk. Y'all ain't never had.
- 1:08:39Speaker 1: A band up wave.
- 1:08:40Speaker 4: You know what they don't got, Lacey? You know what
- 1:08:41Speaker 4: they don't got? They don't got no fortitude. You don't
- 1:08:44Speaker 4: got no fortitude.
- 1:08:46Speaker 2: And congregation, with that, you can follow Scam Goddess Pod
- 1:08:49Speaker 2: on all platforms. You can watch us on YouTube for
- 1:08:51Speaker 2: the full-length episode. You can also get my book, Scam Goddess,
- 1:08:54Speaker 2: wherever books are sold or listened to. You can watch
- 1:08:56Speaker 2: the TV show Scam Goddess on Hulu. You can watch
- 1:08:58Speaker 2: me on Going Dutch. You can watch me on movies
- 1:09:00Speaker 2: on netflix and shit watch me wherever but one thing
- 1:09:02Speaker 2: you need to do is give me five stars on
- 1:09:05Speaker 2: whatever app that you're using that's a free way for
- 1:09:08Speaker 2: you to support black people and thus also supporting social
- 1:09:12Speaker 2: justice because i do that as well and everyone. And
- 1:09:15Speaker 2: then you can talk about it at dinner parties. Yes,
- 1:09:17Speaker 2: we're on the same page.
- 1:09:18Speaker 1: Love that. Congregations, stay fortified.