Latest / Off the Clock, On the Rocks with Abby and Kate / Episode 3: Motherhood | Off the Clock, On the Rocks

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Episode 3: Motherhood | Off the Clock, On the Rocks · Off the Clock, On the Rocks with Abby and Kate

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Whoo! You know I get tipsy sometimes from here?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: I hope so.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: You should drink that whole thing so you have an even more interesting conversation.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Off the Clock and On the Rocks with Abby and Kate, where work ends and real life begins.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Grab a drink, get cozy, sit on down.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Abby, what are we drinking today?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: We are having a spicy margarita rimmed with tahine and chamoy.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: Chamoy.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: And then you're having a Sauvignon Blanc.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: She's having wine.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: She's having wine.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's a Sauvignon Blanc, and it's my favorite.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Favorite wine of all time.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Nice.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's from Australia or New Zealand, and it's the only one I would choose.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: California, no offense.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: You're a sav.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Sucks.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: She said it, not me.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: She wouldn't know she wouldn't drink wine.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to try?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm okay.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: Positive.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Well, from our last week's episode, Abby decided that this week's episode is related to motherhood.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: Our mothers, how we have been mothered, and then how we choose to mother.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because we're both mothers.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: We are both mothers, but we're different mothers.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Very much.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: We have dogs.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: We're different mothers, if you didn't notice.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: No, but I think we we have um uh we grew up very differently.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: And we very much very differently.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, but it's nice to have somebody that has a different perspective and different upbringing that can help you like kind of hook it all together, like our conversations that we're having today.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: More to come not talking about those yet.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so tell me about your upbringing with your mother.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: First off, what's her name?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, like her like first name.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's gonna be like I call her mom.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, duh.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's funny.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: You call her mom, and then her real name is Lorena.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Lorena.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's a pretty name.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, tell us about her.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I think it's very important to call out that um my parents immigrated here.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: So because she's Mexican, guys.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: Remember that.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: We've talked about that episode one.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: So when we were younger, my parents specifically, I mean both my parents, but calling out just my mom alone, um, she worked a lot, and there was a lot that they wanted to give us.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: There was a lot of goals in terms of material things that they wanted to provide that they didn't have access into in Mexico.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and they had a lot of things that they wanted to enjoy doing.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: I know that going to Disney was a very big deal, like it's a very large goal for my parents.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then that became a yearly thing.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: But my mom was a really, really hard worker.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: She, I remember she's a she was super clean, our house was always spotless.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um, she would make breakfast every morning, never missed.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: We had breakfast every single morning.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_02: She always drove us and picked us up from school, even though she picked us up late, sometimes forgot us a little bit.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_02: And then um trauma.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: No, she just had to work, uh, but she wouldn't trust anybody to take us home.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: So she would make us wait, and um, she would always cook before we left for after she dropped us off, and in the midst of getting ready for work, she would always cook a meal.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I think my mom's like dinner, but yeah, but I think her love language is cooking, so she would have like my dad likes seafood, so she would make seafood for my dad, so when he got off of work, there was food, and then she would make food for me and my brother.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: Separate meals each time, yes, uh very much so, and that was like our life.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: Why your sister?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um, my sister came a lot after.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: So this was like I remember my childhood when my sister wasn't there yet, so this is what I remember mostly.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and then um, really hardworking woman, really like she was always trying to give us everything she didn't have.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: Our birthdays were a big deal.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: She always tried to go all out.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um, she's very wise with her money.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, very much so.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I grew up with an example of a woman of just hard work all the time, Monday through Sunday.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: And it got to a point where as we got older, we she no longer had childcare.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I think the people who used to watch us, um, they moved.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: So they moved from the block that we were on because um they took care of us after school, and um, she had to take us to work.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: So when I was really young, like about nine, ten years old, well, she didn't want me sitting just around in the back, so I would clean or I would fold the boxes, or so and where did she work at?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: Uh at a bakery.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_02: At a bakery, okay.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I was in the back just cleaning and doing stuff.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: So growing up, my entire childhood, I saw my mom working, and then I also started working at a very young age.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then I would get my allowance.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: So that's that's how I so hard work, big established standard from your mom.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and what you saw.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it's interesting.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: I would say mine's very similar as far as like my mom goes, because she was a very hard worker, but we have a little bit different of a upbringing, I think, in that way.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: My mom's I call her mom or mom's or mama, depending on the day.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I'm like, just kidding.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Just kidding.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: But her name is Mary, and um we grew up here, she was from Minnesota, my dad was from Chicago, their parents both moved here and they met here, which is actually a very funny story we won't talk about now, but someday funny relationship stories would be funny.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: But um anyway, uh, she opened her own business when I was a little bitty baby.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: So, like a year old, she got her license to do financial planning, and she opened her own company doing financial planning, and so there was a lot of times where her focus was paying her employees or um being able to run the business, and she didn't always take a paycheck home.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but she found a lot of pride, which I've always resonated with, in being able to be the one that allows people to have income for their families.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: So she always took a lot of pride in that part, which I think I can see a lot of.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think my my upbringing with her outside of like she's a very hard-working woman, she was very caring, but I was at daycare from the earliest you could drop somebody off to the latest.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: I was the last kid picked up every single day, and which was funny because I ended up being like aware of where all the files were in the office at like five, and I knew like how that office ran and what their questions were gonna be.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: So if parents came in and I was there, I'd be like, Oh, that's this, and I could answer it, and they'd always say, like, oh, Kate could run the office at like five, but that was because I was always there, you know?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but she she was she worked really hard.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: My dad was a salesman, so he traveled a lot, and so she had two kids by herself that she was dealing with with them for the majority of the school week.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I think in addition to that, she she had uh her own struggles with alcohol when she was younger.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: She ended up getting sober when I was in high school, which was great, but there was always this very tumultuous relationship.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I feel like when she was sober, she was wonderful, but the stress of all that she carried and all the responsibility, and I think a lot of moms can resonate with like the weight that we put on ourselves.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Being a professional and working and being being a mom is so different.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not like like discounting stay-at-home moms, that's a hard job that I don't think I could do all the time.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, in fact, I know I couldn't do it.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's very expensive if you try to hire somebody to be a stay-at-home mom, it's very expensive.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, just saying the shout-outs to stay-at-home moms, but somebody who's balancing all that work and balancing running a household and being the main one with the kids for that long, I'm sure that could wear on you.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm and I'm sure that played out that way.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of like my my early memories are around um, you know, how we you know, we'd have fun and we'd do stuff like that, but later, 10, 11, 12, 13, those memories very much came dependent on her drinking.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then her sobriety came, which was great.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think I learned a lot from her approach.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I always thought I was like, oh, I don't I always thought like I was gonna be just like my mom.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like that was my fear.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was gonna oh, and weird side note, Abby and my mom have the same birthday.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yes, we do.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting Taurus.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Taurus, but um, I always was like worried about becoming like my mother and impacting my children, but I realized, like I think through working through my own shit, that she was doing the best she could at the time that she was, right?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I have to give her a pass for a lot of that because it's like I don't know what she was dealing with, I don't know the struggles now.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think I kind of have a little bit better of an idea of what it is running a business on your own and being a mom, but even that I don't think would be comparable to what she did.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: So and that in in that aspect, I think we can resonate together with the fact that they were very hardworking, but also like a little different in their own struggles, maybe.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_02: I think one thing that I didn't mention is that when I was maybe middle between middle school and high school, um, my grandpa passed away.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: Her dad?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and at this time my mom um wasn't able to go to Mexico, so she couldn't see her dad.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: And my grandpa passed at a very young age.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and she fell into this very deep depression, like deep, deep depression where she started to gamble.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_02: So she had a a really large gambling addiction, and um, I wouldn't say an addiction, but maybe like a problem at that, like during the depression, like that was her.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like her outlet, yeah.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: And the it would go so far out to the point that we wouldn't see her for like a the whole an entire day, maybe two, because you're at the casino and you there's no windows, you can't tell how long you don't know how much time.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: That wasn't as bad because by that age, my brother and I were like self-sufficient, and you gotta think, we would save up our money.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like our I we got to the point where we were very well established financially, and then that money was no longer there.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_02: So if we wanted something cool, my brother and I would have to work, we would team up together because she was gambling.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if it was just the gambling, um, but things started like the money wasn't there all of a sudden.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm not sure if that's that's a thing.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: The the one thing my parents always did is that they did involve us in their problems, so we never we never knew, right?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: If they were mad at each other till this day, um, my parents are no longer together, but I never saw them having marital problems, I never saw them struggle about anything or have any issues.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: I think there was arguments and bickering, but it was never like my mom kept us away from all that, and she was very private and and those things as I got older, a lot of things started to unfold because no marriage is perfect.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I I do the one thing I do think my mom did is she put her kids over everything, and while that's a very beautiful sacrifice.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the unfortunate part is that I think she lost a huge part of herself for so many years, like that spouse relationship almost.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and looking back at it now, I there was a lot of things that didn't click until I had my oldest Mia, which I was a teen mom.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_02: And what does that mean?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: 17?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: No, I was 18, 19.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and once I had Mia, I remember she was in it here, she was in Texas, and I was here in New Mexico, and I had no like my whole family was I mean, my brother was here, um, but my mom wasn't here, so it was just me, Josh, and his family pretty much, and I didn't have anybody physically here with me.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I and I do remember that there were nights where I would start to like reflect on the sacrifices she had to make or the decisions that she made, and and I would cry because I did I would get maybe I don't know the baby blues postpartum depression, and I would just start crying because then I started to understand what she gave up in order to give me certain opportunities trade-off, yes, yeah, that's hard.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's and I think that's like one of those things that you almost struggle with now as a mom is like what what where does my time go?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, because like the only resource we're never ever gonna get back is the time, right?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: You can make more money, you can figure out houses, you can figure out stuff, which is fine, but time will never come back, right?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the biggest thing when it comes to like what I learned with my mom, because one of the things that she would say in this the trade-off piece, right, is that um she was watching my brother play house one day, he was like little, and he was playing house, and he was like, Okay, I'm the parent, and she was like, Okay, and he goes, Okay, bye, I'm going to work.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that was him playing house, was that piece.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: There wasn't anything else because that's all he saw was her leaving, and she was completely heartbroken by that.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: But also, you're you're trying to do what you just talked about, which is provide for your kids in a way that you didn't get, you know, like your parents chasing like almost that very traditional American dream, right?
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the Disney, the material things, the comforts that you don't get otherwise, um, which I think a lot of us take for granted.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: But I think that's where that trade-off between like me as a person and me as a mom comes in.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because those I feel like they're two different people.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: You feel that way?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: Very much so.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: I I agree with that, and I think that's the one thing that I'm trying to heal from because when Josh and I got together, I took on the role of I need to do everything for the household and not allow him to run the house.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: But that's because I always saw my mom do it all doing it all.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: And she would, like my dad would give her the money and she would pay all the bills.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: And while that seems great on the outside, there's a huge responsibility mentally, the mental load that you carry that you carry to make sure the household is good and making sure Mia was going to the right daycare and getting her snacks, and is she eating right, going to the doctors?
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: The part is so like underdiscussed, right?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Is all the minutiae that goes into being a mother.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying, and no shaded dads that are involved in that that level, but from my experience, a lot of them are not involved in like doctors, details, sides, the all these things that are going on, like the extracurriculars, the meals, like all that stuff.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's like so much that you're balancing outside of just a normal, like I work and I come home.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: And if you think about your story with your mom, too, not only is she getting kids ready and making breakfast, she's preparing for dinners so that her spouse comes home and eats before she's even come home.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's kind of a crazy level of dedication.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: And she did it for years.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: Do you think you put that on yourself?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_02: I think I did.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think I did very early on um when I became a new mom, and I wanted to make sure my household was maybe not up to par with my mom, but I wanted my house to be clean.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted it's spotless, by the way, if you're wondering.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's I wanted every aspect is clean.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: Josh to be taken care of.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted Mia to I remember my mom used to always tell us the way you present yourself down to your shoes, uh, speaks about how you are and how well prepared you are.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: So she was very meticulous, and I try to be very meticulous, and I I think I carried that into my job, and everything that my mom gave her time to became her identity, and and I was doing the same thing.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: And now um I'm 30, I was laid off after having a job for 11 years.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm figuring myself out, I'm telling myself, work is work, you know.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'm grateful for the opportunity I have, but I need to create a life, I need to create things that I want outside of my kids, and I think and outside of your job and your spouse.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: And yes, so those like who are you as an independent person that I'm discovering, and it it's been really nice to have the time off and not have to worry about like the finances, and now that I'm back to work, I'm kind of committing to myself that I'm gonna respect that boundary that I've created to protect myself um by not bringing my laptop home, or just by like if I have an hour lunch, I you know, go take care or I do something, or you know, um, just giving myself that that respect that I think I deserve, and and a lot of us kind of neglect.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: I think it becomes a sacrifice, and I think there's a lot to be said for sacrificing as a mother where you're like, okay, well, um, like I had a friend who I always think about as like the most sacrificial mom I ever saw, and she was a single mom and she had a little boy, and they were she was incredibly hardworking.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: She ran like a group home for kids, like troubled kids.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: And her son was little, and when we would hang out, it was I started to notice, but it was like every Monday she wore the same outfit, every Tuesday she wore the same outfit.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I asked her one day, I was like, we were at her house and I was talking to her, and she was like, Well, you know, I have Monday through through Sunday outfits for myself, and then that way I can give my kid everything he wants.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: So like he had a bunch of different clothes and a bunch of different shoes, and he had all these things that were great, but she did so in a sacrificial way because she wanted to provide him the things that she didn't get, you know, and I think so many women, and that's one example, but I think that every mom could come up with a thing where it's like, okay, I gave this in instead.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think moms would even bring it up, it's gonna be somebody else that says it, right?
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I see you making this sacrifice.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: But I think that's so it's a characteristic that's rarely talked about is the sacrificial aspect of mothers in general.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: I think Mother's Day is another example of that, right?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like the one day you celebrate your mom, where everybody tries to like celebrate you and that's great.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: But there's no sleeping in because the kids are loud and they're making breakfast or doing some shit, right?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like you're gonna sleep in and we're gonna make breakfast for you.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I can hear everything that's happening.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: I like it, it's but it's also like one of those things where it's just the one day you get celebrated is still work for you a little bit, you know.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that there's so much that we like would sacrifice as mothers, and I think we do.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I can see that in my own mom, you know, the things that she's given up, or like she did these really cool things and it's summer, summertime, and she'd find me like art programs to go to or acting classes to go to, or all these different things where instead of me being like stuck somewhere, I'd have all these experiences.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like she was definitely very intentional with that stuff, and she did so to make sure I was taken care of.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I've always respected or appreciated that, you know, until you do it yourself, to your point about your own kid, right?
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's kind of crazy.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: Also, your house is way cleaner than mine.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: I wish mine was this clean.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: Well, mine's clean adjacent.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Let me ask you this question because you you brought up a really good point, and I think most of my mom's sacrifices were materialistic because you know that well, her perceived her perceived right, she she lacked that in her childhood, so she gave me that.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: So if I reflect and I look back at myself, what I think I lacked, and I'm trying to give to and I say my oldest because right now we're going through that like transitional, like preteen, like she's starting to become her own individual.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_02: My little one is just here to have a good time, so she's a good time, she's a good time.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: I still enjoy her, and we're very much still little, but when I think about like what I I guess I lacked and I'm trying to give Mia is having the confidence to not gain validation from other people through experiences and opportunities that I didn't have.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: And this sounds a little contradicting to my family and my friends around me because I never really understood the value of a good education.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't understand the value of tutoring to us, and the way we grew up, it's like they have money, you just gotta work really hard.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: Gotta figure it out, right?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta figure it out.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: They have money, we don't have money, so you just gotta work three times as hard to be able to get the good grades and get the scholarship.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I grew up with.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: But in all reality, the parents who are able to pay for things to give their kids either knowledge or additional skill sets or it's playing an instrument, they bring out a different side of their kid and they allow them to express themselves um and gain a new perspective that I didn't have that opportunity, and I had to kind of like pave my way through through my career, through my like through everything that I had to learn.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: Hard knocks.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I sure and and I want her, it it sounds funny, but I want her to have that unfair advantage.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: I want her to have those opportunities.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: But that's that is such like a I think every parent wants their kid to be in a better space than they were in, like no matter what.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I never really thought about how you're giving your child the things that you didn't get access to, right?
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: And one time long ago, you said to me, Rich people pay someone to do it so they get time.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: Something you said it better than that.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: But like, you know, poor people are trying to figure it out and do it themselves.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: Rich people are paying somebody else to do it because you can't get the time back.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: Something like that.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and I think that's the piece, right?
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: Is that you're talking about spending the money and the time that meant spending the money to invest in the child in a way that gives them a leg up, which is totally fair.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think a lot of people do that.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I didn't really think about that, but we we do that, right?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: I send Abby to, she starts golf next week.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: She has done theater classes, she has done swimming, she has done cheer, she's done like all these things to explore like what does she want to do, you know?
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: But I think when you said I give my kids the thing that I didn't get, what I didn't get with my mom was time.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so to me, now I want to give her time.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, make and if it's not a lot of time, it's like intentional interactions and connections.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like one time she asked me, like, especially when I started this business, she was like, What do you do?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Well, I help people with their problems, whatever their issues are, right?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I could be a business, it could be a person.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: And she was like, Well, I don't get it.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Well, do you remember when we talked about the issue you were having at school with your friend and how we talked through the approach you should take?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: Here are your options, A, B, and C, to deal with that solution, that situation, and and that you get to choose the solution.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: She goes out, she makes her decision, we talk about it later.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, that's what I do in a but I do it for you all the time, right?
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what you said too is I give her confidence and knowing that she has, I don't remember the exact words, but she gets to make her own space in the world, you know, and she gets that um investment from you, but also what does she want to do?
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: Which I don't think a lot of us, that was never a question, I think, when I was growing up, was like, what do you want to do?
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: It was like, here are the things that are gonna make you money, here are the things that are gonna make you secure, you know.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: But now I'm like, like for the for example, the other day she was like, I want to try to learn illustrating, like uh animating.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, okay, cool, like you have an uncle that does that.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: So we ringy ding him up.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, Yeah, this is the program you use, you need to do this.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: When you start figuring this out, I'll help.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, There's a lot of money in that, you know, and these are things that you would never think of, I would never have thought of, but they have access, our kids have access to information, to different perspectives, to the ability to decide of what it is that they want to do.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we both, not we both, but you started out in a career that you were in for 11 years and almost grew through that out of, well, I'm here, so I'm gonna figure it out, right?
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think we can give them the opportunity to make the choice of what it is that they want to do, and not no offense, not like these shitty Gen Zs who are not doing fucking anything and they don't have this.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: No offense in general if you're one of these people, but from my own experience, there is not a lot of personality or professionalism or hard work that's invested in these kids.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: They're just expectant.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: I want my kid to be the kid that shows up on her first day of work and they're like, we need her more, you know, and I think that's what you're talking about, giving them the skills, the experience, the confidence.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: I want her to rock walk into a room and blow the doors off, you know, like no one's gonna see this, no one's gonna see this ever again the same way because she walked in and did it, you know, and I think that's that's what I would like to do.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: I think our parents try to do that too, but in their own way.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think the one thing that I always think about for you know, my mom and my dad is that it's their very first time in this world.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_02: So even even now, I know that there's gonna be things or maybe areas in both Mia and Madison's life that I'm not gonna meet their expectation because things are just ever changing.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: But it when I look back at it and I have that perspective and I give them that grace, it all it almost makes me appreciate it more and love it more because with the knowledge they had, the resources, like the money they had, they did good with all three of us for sure.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_02: In a very unique way, however, they figured out.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: I'm very appreciative of the values my parents instilled in me.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um a lot of the things that they taught me.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: I had to unlearn them a little bit, um, because it was very much tied to like a poor man mentality and just hard work, hard work, hard work.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: Don't ask questions, don't make a fuss, don't do this, just shut up and do your thing.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: Advocating was like something new.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: When when you and I first started working together, that was very clear.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I think you mentioned it with your dad working on properties or a farm.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know exactly what it was.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: And he he had that approach of I'm just gonna be quiet and I'm gonna do what I need to because I'm I'm lucky to be here, right?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that there comes in this, they did exactly what they should have, is they prepared you for the life that you now get to leave.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: Leave, live, lead, right?
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that played into work a little bit where you were agreeable at the very beginning, very agreeable.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, I can do that, yep, I can do that, yep, I can do that.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: And when it got to the breakdown of this is too much, I can't handle it, or whatever, those were the moments that we really got to grow through, is because like you were being real with yourself.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way, always achieved what you wanted to.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: There was never a time you didn't, right?
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: But there was those moments where it was like you hit the wall and you you would have stuffed it down further, except we had to like you know, pull it out.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I think you having done that, not at all to do with me, but you having been honest with yourself and what it is that you wanted kind of moved you forward into step by step being like advocating for yourself, standing up for yourself, knowing that you deserve more, knowing that you're worth more, knowing that you don't have to just sacrifice everything for this job and you'll still be worthy.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: But I I do think I accredit your mentorship a lot.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: And even my mom has said, I remember we were at a birthday party, and she was like, Wait, is that is that Kate?
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Yeah, that's her.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: And she goes, and she understands Spanish.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_02: She understands it.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: She just, I don't know how good she can get, you know, talking about it.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: I can come speak it, but you will like, yeah.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, Wow, she goes, you know, I just wanted to say thank you because she has changed you so much.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_02: And it really, like I said, I I think you opened my eyes to a world where I can create my own opportunities and where I can if things don't work out.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: I remember you also be like, okay, what do you lose?
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: You tried, what do you lose?
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_02: You don't you don't lose anything.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I wasn't that kid growing up.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_02: I was very much um, oh man, I'm gonna get emotional.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was very much the kid that I took care of everybody else, and I was the oldest daughter and um had to be proper.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember when we had my sister, um, Ivan had to take care of her because we no longer had a babysitter, so I was like her parent, and it's a lot of responsibility to put on a kid at such a young age.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: How old were you?
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um she was what we were five years apart, so maybe I was ten and she was five, and I had to get her ready for school and walk her to her classroom and make sure she was fed.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um so it's a lot that you you do like you do it because you have to, and you're helping your parents, and it's never a bad thing.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and the expectation is and I don't resent my mom for it, but you I lost this side of me that that I uncovered through you, and it was funny because I remember I used to always tell you, you help me at work, but you help me at home, and sometimes I would bring those examples back to you, and now when I when I started this new job, and when I said like I walk in there and I'm like, this is not working, we need to do this, and that wasn't me before.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I was very much scared, and I'm like, what are they gonna tell me?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: All they can tell me is Appy, that's not how it works.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay, I'm sorry, that I didn't see that.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: And same thing with with the girls, I'm like, okay, they want to do this, we'll we'll figure out a way to make it happen, or we're looking at you know, different academic opportunities for Mia so she can prepare for college.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and some of our family members are like, Oh, you're wasting your time, or why do you want them to go to school?
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like they're just gonna be snobby, and like there's a lot of like because you know, education here in New Mexico, if you want good education, it's very expensive and you probably have to go to a part of school, yeah.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that's what we're looking into.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember they're like, Why do you want them to?
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm like, when you look at those kids, they're set up differently, 10 steps ahead, they are building relationships, networking at a very young age in a way that their life is they enjoy it so much when they're older and they enjoy their families, and you see their dynamics, and no marriage is perfect, but they have much different opportunities.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, that's what I want her to do.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: I want her to enjoy being a kid.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_02: I have two kids, by the way.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_02: I always try to make sure that Mia doesn't mother Madison.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_02: Mia's very much a leader, Madison is very much her own person.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_02: Her own person, and I always tell her, You're not her mom, let her do her own thing.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: I will take care of that because I don't want her to lose out on her childhood and miss out on the opportunity to get to know herself and find herself in whatever way she wants to do, as long as she's healthy and not doing harm to anybody.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that, and I think that when you when you talk through like the way that you want to approach your kids, it's very much with intention.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: And um, first off, I'm glad that I made a positive impression, but at the same point, whatever it is that you got from me, you give back to me because we were having that conversation today, and these are the things you were asking me where I was like, I don't know the answer.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what I'm doing with myself.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: But it's it's very much a mutual thing, you know, which I which I very much appreciate.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I guess good for me doing a great job, but also good for you returning it back to me.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I appreciate that.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_01: But I think that piece, the mothering thing of your siblings, that's also it's you're not the first mom that's mentioned that to me.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_01: I have I have another friend who she was raised um in the is Islamic faith, and she and her her bunch of siblings, and she said that her mom, she was one of the older ones, and that she had to raise basically once they got to a certain age, that the other kids were her responsibility.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then she had a daughter and then two more daughters, and she was talking about how she was like, I never want her to have to be the parent for these kids like I did.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_01: And that's again one of those situations where you reflect back on what happened to you as a kid and then decide, oh, I I don't like that, I want to do this differently.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_01: They should have the the child the the ability to be kids and play around and be silly and whatever.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I see that with Abby and Noah.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_01: I find her almost trying to mother him as well, and I'm like, hey, pause.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like you play with each other, you do your own thing, and I'll make sure that he's doing what he needs to.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I think those are things you don't see until you kind of step back from it a little bit, yeah.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but and I think the other part, the private education, god that that could be a whole conversation on its own.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_01: This day is horrible when it comes to public education.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember, and I still think about this, but you were we were talking about getting the kids ready for school one year, and it wasn't this year, it wasn't the year before, it had to have been two years ago.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: And you were saying, Oh yeah, we got their backpacks and they have the bulletproof thing in the back.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, What?
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, What are you talking about?
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I've shared this with a few other moms.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, can you imagine, especially because my kid goes to a private school with private security who are armed, and it's expensive, but it's like one of those things where you're like, I'm gonna set this kid up for success.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's worth the investment, but it is pricey, you know.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: But I was thinking about that alone.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you have to send your kids to school thinking about do I have bulletproof things on their backpack so that they can duck and cover in a situation like that, which is one of my bigger fears from a parenting perspective and schooling, you know.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: But it it it really brings it to like full circle of like what kinds of decisions are you making and what are you choosing to do with them, you know?
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I think there's a lot of people out there who don't value education because they haven't experienced it.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_01: But when you talk about networking, like I went to a private high school and there was 200 people in my graduating class, a little fewer than that.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_01: And the name of that school, if you meet somebody that was there before you or after you and you never met them before, just the name of the school gets you in the door.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what you're talking about when you're saying networking is like I got one of these jobs I'm working on right now partly because I was an alumni of the school.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'd never met him, I'd never met him hit any of his kids that went to school there, but because of that, I had an in in the door, you know, which does different than a public school would do for you.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_02: And again, it's it's that unfair advantage, but it it's most of the times you do get the return on investment on it's it's either the way of like the way of life, and I've noticed this in in one particular score that we're looking at is they focus heavily on independence.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_02: And my biggest thing is I want to bring the most independent, self-sufficient kids that I can bring to this world because I mean your oldest is definitely the this world is harsh, and the better prepared she can be, like you know, give her the tools to make the right decisions or even the wrong ones and how to come back from a mistake.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's gonna be really important.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but just our the thought process when I when you and I started working, and and you would I remember I would like pick apart comments and and you would make certain comments and you would do things very like differently, and I'm like, but why does she worry about that?
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_02: Or like why does she care about this?
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_02: And then I would do my own research, and then it it was this book that I read, I think it's called um blue-collar roots, white-collar dreams, or white-collar jobs, something of that sort, and it explains to us how sometimes our culture instills these values to keep us where our parents were at, to maintain the status.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_01: You have to you have to break away from there, but it's also what you're you're you're comfortable with and what you know, which is like how you stay in trauma, that's how you stay in situations that you shouldn't be in.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, let's back it up a little bit.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I got curious about figures.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'll have to just rewind that real quick.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: What do you mean by like statements I would make you'd pick them apart?
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: Is it like the approach I was taking?
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: And before you answer this, for the viewer, she is so introspective, thoughtful, intentional, and very aware of the whys behind the things that she does.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think I run by the fire in my fucking pants.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like I very much I'm on like I intuition, I run on what feels the best, I run on vibes, I run on all that.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_01: But like every time you and I have a conversation where it's something where I'm like trying to consider something, you go like three layers deeper than I would have gone.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I think you do that by nature.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_01: So what are you what are you looking at?
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what are you saying?
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what did I say that made you think that?
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_02: So it wasn't a secret.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_02: I I moved up pretty quickly.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_02: Very quickly.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_02: In in my leadership.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_02: Once I started doing leadership, I moved up very quickly.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_02: And my next step was to be a manager, which you were a manager and you had become my manager, right?
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_02: We were paired up together, so you were my boss.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_01: You can also tell when someone has the right skill set or approach or personality, again, this intuition thing of being able to do that job.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_01: You can tell, like I could tell in a minute.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, certain people, I'm like, no, some people, I'm like, you're gonna take some effort.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: There's other people like you that are like they're gonna get it.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I wanted to move up to the next step.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like, that was my goal.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_02: I was pretty sad and and and dead to become a manager at the company.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I started to study why you would get a yes and why the other managers would have a hard time implementing change with the ideas that they had.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like I would say something and somebody would say yes to me.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_02: So our director I'm learning about myself right now.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_02: Our our director and our senior managers, it got to the point where they would very much go to you to fix something department-wide, and you would lead your peers at the manager level.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_02: So once I started to pick on that, pick up on that, I was like, okay, she has this sort of influence, and there has to be a methodology to how you present things and what it is that you're looking at.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_02: Because if if they're looking at it and not fixing the problem with the solution that they're giving, what is it that you're looking at?
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: I think they overcomplicate.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_02: That would be my answer, but well, maybe, but we would have these small, so we would have department-wide leadership, and then we would have our individual team ones, which was all the other coaches, and then Kate.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_02: And she would sit there, and that's when she was vulnerable.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's when she would give us like the true non-like corporate um speech that she had to do in the other one, and she'd be like, Oh, guys, like we're struggling with this.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_02: Here's what I'm thinking.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_02: What do you guys think?
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_02: So she would always pitch it, she would always pitch it to us, but then I started to understand that she was getting our buy-in, and then she would test things out with us, and once she was solid about her thing, she would she would sprinkle it and and you would like be smart.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: That would be my test case.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's a hundred percent the approach I would change.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_02: She started to do these things, right?
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_02: So then I mimicked that, and then if I wanted to roll out a suggestion, I would now come prepared.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, this is what I did with my team, and I would ask my team, and I would involve my team, and then I started, and that's how I gained a lot of traction and how I gained a lot of movement, and it helped me move up because I eventually did did promote to that, yeah.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: Very easily.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it should have been promoted six months to nine before that, but it is what it is.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, no, that was totally my method.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's very interesting.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like, um, but I I think about stuff, and I think that my mom was this way, very much like a solver.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you okay?
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_01: Here's A.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_01: We're facing A.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_01: We need to get to Z over there.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_01: How am I going to get there?
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_01: And there was always some, she always had like money would come out of somewhere weird when we needed something.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_01: She would always be able to, like, when I was renovating my first house I bought, um, I was like, okay, I'm I need some cash for this.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_01: And she was like, okay.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then like I remember her showing up later and being like, oh, this was in this blah blah blah account, and you can like she would find the way to make what I needed to have happen, happen, you know?
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_01: And um, but she would find the solution.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that that's part of what you're picking up on too is like, how do I get to the end result?
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm in the business of making change and fixing problems, and you don't get there if you get resistance.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do you get people's buy-in, which comes into the relationships, the trust, and all that other stuff, which I think would be a cool future topic, but um, thank you.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's all the reason for watching me because that should have been that should be my interview example.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_01: Anytime I approach rolling out departmental change, I do it that way.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_02: And you would come up with so many anything, it got to the point where anything you said, they didn't hesitate about it because you just had everything tested out, and there was even times where you're like, damn, like I don't know how to fix this, but we'll figure it out, like we're on the fly.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_02: And and it worked, and and those are the things that I learned, but those are also the things that I'm trying to teach Mia, right?
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_01: And and I'm have you think on your feet and pivot, yes, and find a solution, yes, but I'm more slow, you're more like I'm more like thinker, I think you down, you definitely do process in a much more in-depth way than I do, and I am and I don't want to say surface level because there's a lot in there that's deeper than that, but when it comes to making decisions and moving forward, I very much am like, okay, what do I see?
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_01: Make a decision, make a decision.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_02: If you're uncomfortable, you go full force.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_02: If I'm uncomfortable, I hold myself back until I know that that one step I'm gonna take is safe.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I'll give an example.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_02: We used to golf a lot together when I did it when I was unemployed.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_02: And um, we're not the best golfers.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_02: We're not the best.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_02: No, but we had a dude.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_02: You didn't want to practice.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_02: I hate practicing.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_02: And you would just be like, all right, let me shake it off, let me just do my shot.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_02: And you would hype yourself up to your shot.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_02: And me, I was like, nope, I need to get there early, I need to hit the range, I need to get like practice calls, I need to I need to look at videos.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_02: Josh needs to tell me, like, where do I got it?
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it's it's very different, but again, you we we would we would play and we would play really well together, and we would play like similarly.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_01: I hate practice at golf, I hate it so much because what I figured out is like my practice shots, and I think this is how I am in life, probably too, is that my practice shots end up landing, and I'm like, that was awesome.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then my ones I really need to like get done.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Don't and so I feel like if I put in the work at the beginning of whatever it is, like think it through, and I'm very much an external processor, so like what you're talking about with I talk it out, that's probably one of the first times I started thinking about it is like okay, here's the problem, here's what I'm thinking.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what do you think?
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_01: Anything involving other people is very important, but I do that with Abby too, in a perspective of like, okay, here's what we're facing, what should we do?
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: And she has the best advice.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_01: That kid is like something else, you know, like going through hard times or trying to think of things or what I'm gonna do about stuff.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, Well, what are you gonna do?
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: God's gonna have a plan, you know, very much faith-based and very much like what I've taught her to do, which is crazy because I don't always do it consistently myself, which is funny when you turn my stuff on me and I'm like, You're right.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_01: I should have done that, you know.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I think that's the beauty of the relationship, which is great.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, very much so.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_01: Should we move into our rapid fire questions?
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_02: What's one thing that you swore you'd never do as a mom?
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: But you absolutely do it.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know what the stupid thing is?
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's so dumb.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, like when you're young and you don't have kids and you're like, I'm gonna answer all my kids' questions and I'm gonna make sure they understand.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not gonna be like, I'm not gonna be like, cause I said so, you know, and I don't say just cause I said so, but there's times where I'm like, ask me another motherfucking question because I don't have the space in my life for any more freaking questions.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_01: And my mom would or my dad would, they would both be like, just because that's the way it is, and I find myself now like wanting to say that, and then I'm like, no, I have to give more specifically.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so I do say it.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, just I don't have time, and like Abby will be like, Are you overstimulated?
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Yes, okay.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_01: So when there's time, I'll give those answers, but probably that.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, nice, yeah.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_01: How about you?
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I always said I was gonna be doing like home cooked meals all the time.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you cook really well, but your your man run is like a chef, so why would you have to cook if he's but I definitely there was a period of uh where we were like takeout all day every day.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, so much money.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I need to stop doing that.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_02: And then you trick yourself because you're like, nah, it's cheaper.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like if I had to buy all these ingredients, yeah, I had to go back to the code.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I trick myself from like, but it tastes so good, and I want it, and it feels good.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I like feel feel myself through food like that.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_01: I want a delightful, delectable item.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_01: My mom's always like, We have that, that's one.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: We have that at home.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_01: We have that at home.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_01: And like, and they would always say, I wouldn't eat anything unless they took me to a restaurant and they had to pay for it, and I would eat a ton.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow, and I don't know what that is, but I still like restaurants, and I still like to be waited on, I still like a bougie experience, and I won't eat that much at home, like still to this day.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_02: But it's funny because the way you bond with Abby, remember there was a specific date night that where you guys go.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we go to a restaurant and you and her hang out.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_01: She has a mock tail, I have a cocktail, we chit-chat, she tells me all the drama that's going on at school, which I love.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_01: I love all the drama that's going on at school, like third, fourth, fifth grade drama that's happening.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, and she said, What?
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and the teacher did what?
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_01: I want to hear all of it.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_01: I love it so much, but you're right.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_01: And but that's the restaurant thing.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_01: She loves it.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_01: Nice.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_01: Hide in the bathroom for five minutes or sit in the car alone after you get home.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, sit in the car alone.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_02: How long do you sit in the car?
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_02: Because they go to the bathroom with me.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, they do not.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_02: To the point where I'm like, guys, we need to get out of here.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we just love you.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's okay, we'll sit in the tub.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, go away.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: I want space.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen those videos of like the little fingers coming under the door.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: My mom used to read in the bathroom, but she would shut the door, put the lid closed on the toilet, and she'd just read.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so we always thought that she was like in there, like really struggling with some stuff.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_01: No, just her private time.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_01: It was the only way that she would get set alone private time was in the bathroom.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I'm a sit-in-I'm definitely not a sit-in-the-car person.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm also, no one tries to get in the bath.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, my man sometimes the door is open, you know, back and forth.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: And uh he has no shame shame.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_01: Door open, fine.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but no, I don't maybe I'd hide in the bathroom for a little bit.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm a car person.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_01: One time I hid in the closet and then Hayden found me.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, Are you okay?
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, It's just too much.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, Okay.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then he went and distracted them for a while, and I got like a little bit of quiet time, but sometimes it's just too loud.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I feel like mine are deep.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_02: Do it.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, what part of motherhood has been harder than you expected?
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think like, I think of parenting, and I might have said this before, I think of parenting as like you're baking a cake that you're not gonna know the result of until it's like 22, right?
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so you're constantly adding ingredients and you're stirring and you're making sure, like, okay, did I fuck you up today?
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_01: Whew! Alright, we made it through another day, you know.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's the the fear of knowing that there will be something that I do that impacts her negatively, and I don't know what that is, right?
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_01: I think we all have these things, and that people's trauma is all relative and it's on a gradient, and nobody's is more or worse than others, but some are worse than others, but all are very impactful to you as a person, and I always wonder like, what is it that I'm gonna do that's gonna be that impactful?
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_01: The thing she tells her therapist about in 10 to 15 years, you know?
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think that's the hard part is every single day is a chance for you to get closer or to get further away from your child, and it's a choice, and it's sometimes you're gonna make the wrong one, but I think that's probably the heaviest thing that weighs on me is like am I making a positive impact on her today while still being a parent with expectations and rules and guidance, and not just like I want to be your friend, because I think those are so different, yeah.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's good, I guess it's really good answer.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, thanks.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it's kind of scary.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_02: Good answer.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_02: What has been the hardest?
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think maybe to your point a little bit, I think what I struggle with the most is I'm very particular and very strict with technology, and I don't want to, I'm very against social media.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_02: She's only in fifth grade, so I I don't feel the need for that.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_02: But a lot of her friends have their own phones, and uh she doesn't have one, and I also try to limit screen time with the iPads and stuff like that, so I almost sometimes I really think, Am I sheltering her too much to the point where it's gonna be negatively impacted?
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I was actually talking about this with the dentist today with the dentist on.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, Wow, your kid's not in here on their phone.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Well, she doesn't have a phone.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, Well, that's a rarity, you know.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_01: Most of these kids at their age, they're about a year apart, um, Abby and and Mia.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_01: And um all of them almost all have phones or smartwatches or something that's going on.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_01: And like I've taken her to the the nail salon and she sits there and reads her book, and people are like, wow, she's reading a book.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's like a shocking thing.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_01: But I do think there's something to be said for the impact that technology social media phones are gonna have on their readiness for life, and I think that's what's happened to like the Gen Z generation in general.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_01: They grew up in an environment where social media was everywhere, anything and everything they did could be filmed and posted.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_01: We were not, well, maybe you were towards the end of your youth.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_01: I was not in that in that field at all.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_01: There was no filming of any of this stuff.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we would go and party all weekend long, and there's no videos, there's no recording of that.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if I said something stupid, no one would know.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_01: Now there's recordings of this, so I think it changed their behavior in a way that they always were saying for the safe there.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_01: There's actually a lot of research on this too, but they were doing the safe thing and they were doing like the thing that was gonna keep everybody happy and like the people pleaser aspect, and that's why you don't see a lot of like conflict in the workplace from them.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_01: They're very agreeable, but then they won't deliver.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_01: They're looking for you know their parent to provide them ex parent now a um transpose on their boss to provide them validation because that's what they got their whole life, you know.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_01: And now I wonder with this generation well, we they're Gen A, right?
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_01: Gen Alpha, I think so.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I think this is a little different because there's only technology, so there's gonna be parents like us who have pulled back from that and are not allowing their kids to it.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the vast majority, at least over half or more, is gonna be kids that had access to this stuff, and I think there's some benefits to it, but I also think there will be a massive impact of that on their readiness to be adults someday.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like there's so much, like, I think we we almost as a society we we support mental health issues so much.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of more depression that we see.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot, and I think it's because of the internet, they're constantly pairing themselves, and these girls are well and everything's like face-tuned and auto-tuned, and and uh there's filters on everything, and like people don't look like that.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that's one other thing.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, when we go back to the mom stuff, that like I will never ever do is I will not avoid doing a situation or an activity with my kid because I'm afraid of what I look like in whatever item that is.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be in the pool with them.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go and do the zip lining.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna, whatever it is, like I'm not gonna be the mom that's wearing a giant t-shirt in the pool because I'm ashamed of that.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you get me rolls and all, you know.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's one thing I'll make sure of is I want them to know I showed up for them and I was present and I was uh participatory, you know, and not so stuck in what do I look like and what are people gonna say about this.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's just too much of that, that comparison point.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_01: Are you the perfect mom?
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have the perfect first day of school picture?
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have the perfect stupid fucking elves on Christmas?
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, do you who cares?
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I want my kid to grow up and have memories of something where she's like, you know, my mom really showed out for me in a something silly, you know.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_02: I always ask her, I'm like, we're not there yet because she doesn't think I'm cool.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_02: Then like, do your friends think you have a cool mom?
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_02: She goes, Oh my gosh, mom, stop.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_02: You're so cringe.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, stop it.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_02: But that's my goal.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_01: She rolls her eyes at me all the time, too.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_01: Your kid, not mine.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_01: Mine rolls her eyes at me too, but she does say she's like, You're a cool mom.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Thanks.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the one that doesn't want to play with them or whatever, but like her friends, you know.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_01: But I am the one that lets them listen to whatever music in the car they want.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_01: So there's that.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_01: Next question.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever thrown away one of your kids' art creations and then lied when they asked where it went?
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_02: Although I think in the beginning I felt very guilty, so I lied, and now I'm like, let's just be honest.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_02: You bring a lot home.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_01: Where is it gonna live?
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_01: I I I do the same thing.
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_01: I used to like stuff it on the side of the trash can.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_01: So like you couldn't see, yeah.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_01: So it would be like in there, and then um, and then she caught me one day and I was like, listen here, okay, I save all the good stuff, the stuff that like is different or sparks my fancy or whatever.
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_01: But if it's just another stack full of papers you brought home, it's going in the garbage.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I think that's fine because my mom saved a big ol' like box full of shit that I did.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't ever looked at that.
• 56:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't care.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, me neither.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_01: I think the only top save is like the she had my teeth in that box too.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like the teeth.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_02: Do you keep your kids' teeth?
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not like no.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I did the first ones, like the baby ones.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think I have her first like few teeth.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_01: But then I'm just like Do you keep the umbilical cord?
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_01: No, I don't have that.
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_02: So, fun fact.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if this is Mexican culture, but this is what my grandma and my mom told me that when you have your babies and they have their umbilical cord, there when the umbilical cord, you have to pay attention to when it falls.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_02: And when it falls, you save it and you dig it up somewhere in your house.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_01: You dig it up?
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like what does that mean?
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like hide it?
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_02: Somewhere in your house.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_02: You put it somewhere in a baggie or like you dig it like you you put it somewhere.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_02: And the reason behind that is because that kid will always have a solid foundation, and they're not gonna leave the home just to leave the home.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like they're not gonna be party animals.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so they're gonna hang on.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_02: You know where that's going?
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_02: Where are they?
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_02: So, Mia's I kept and I and I followed that.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_02: Madison, which is my very wild child, I don't know where it went.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_02: I lost it, so No, no wonder.
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have I never even had the option of take- did they ask you or did you say I need to take those home?
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_02: What do you mean?
• 57:55
  SPEAKER_01: They're umbilical cords.
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, oh, oh, the part that fell off.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm pretty sure I just tossed it.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_01: See?
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_01: But my kid's okay.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_01: Where is Mia's in this house?
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't here.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_01: So you left it in the other house?
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like you buried it?
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like in the yard.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_02: Like in the yard.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, in the ground.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_02: And was that an apartment complex?
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_02: So she's expected to go back, and that's where she's finding home.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's just, it's like this is so weird I've ever heard.
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, it's not the weirdest thing.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_01: People do weird stuff with placentals.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_02: Metaphorically, like they're supposed to be more grounded with their family.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_02: She's very grounded.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_02: She's very grounded.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_02: And very serious.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_02: We I don't know, and I was keeping an eye out for it.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_02: I was keeping an eye, and I was like, okay, okay.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like it just fell off and I don't know where we lost it.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_02: It fell off somewhere.
• 58:46
  SPEAKER_02: I checked in the couches because at that time I I was living in the living room for like a month and a half because I couldn't get up my bed.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and we lost it.
• 58:56
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what to say.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_02: Could never find it.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, what's the next question?
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_01: If your kids anonymously reviewed you as a mom, what would their biggest complaint be?
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I know Madison's.
• 59:13
  SPEAKER_02: She's gonna be like, oh, she wants me to be clean.
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_02: She wants me to like do my hair.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, she's told me wild.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, when I grow up, I'm gonna have a butler and I'm not gonna clean up my house.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_02: I love that I'm not gonna do my hair.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I know that's what she would say.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_01: She's gonna be like a hippie with like like hair.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's just I love that about her.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_01: Also, I want a butler.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_01: If I was to get any household help, just FYI in case you needed to know, I would pick butler first, then it would be house cleaner, and then it would be chauffeur.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_01: What about a chef?
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_01: Butler first.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_01: I I like cooking.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_01: If all those other things were taken care of, you would cook.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_01: I would I cook almost every day.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, after we get done here, I'll go home and make dinner.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_01: I like it.
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's like if everything else is done, I very much enjoy that.
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_01: Also, selfishly, it's like my time by myself because everybody goes and leaves me alone.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm not someone that wants somebody in the kitchen helping me get the fuck out of here.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, for real.
• 1:00:19
  SPEAKER_01: Plus, I have to make the pasta salad for tomorrow's dinner anyway.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, the little I was hoping you're making my white people pasta salad.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_01: I am making that.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_02: We have it to win their Mexican parties.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_01: Is it the same?
• 1:00:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, so I brought it one time to this place, and they were like, Oh, you brought your white people pasta salad.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I call it that, is because there was this bunch of bunch of people I hung out with in the valley, and they were all Hispanic, and they would call it my white people pasta salad.
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_01: So that's why I call it.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, my mom makes it.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, we call it pasta fría, cold pasta.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I call it pasta salad.
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_01: I made it for the NFL drafts at the end.
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_01: I know I kept going back.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I did that for the party too?
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's a good party thing.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_01: I like it.
• 1:01:01
  SPEAKER_02: Very much so.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_02: So Madison would be that I'm she's too clean and she doesn't want to do her hair.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_02: Mia, I don't know what Mia's would be because I feel like Mia Mia fights me a lot, but she low-key really loves the structure I give her.
• 1:01:15
  SPEAKER_02: Well, she needs structure.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_02: That kid like thrives on it.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, but I feel like she'd be like, mmm, maybe I don't wake up early enough.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_02: You don't wake up.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_02: I could see that.
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_02: She wakes up, she's 5 30 on the dot, alarm goes off once, boom, up.
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, I could see that.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because one time you told me that she had to wake you up to take her to school.
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_01: I like that.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_01: I like the diligence of her.
• 1:01:36
  SPEAKER_01: What about Abby?
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_01: What would she complain?
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_01: I let me think.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_01: I it would be something like it.
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, ideally, she would complain about the fact I don't want to take her to Target as frequently as she wants to.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that probably that part.
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_01: What else would you and that I don't value her value in squishies or jelly cats or all the stuff that I find superfluous nonsense.
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, recently it's been like shower daily, wash her hair every other day.
• 1:02:12
  SPEAKER_01: I had to make her start flossing and using the tongue scraper because we gotta make sure we're and then before she can do anything in the morning, she has to have all of her chores done, like her room done, and her and I get a lot of eye rolls on that stuff.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe that'd be her complaint.
• 1:02:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I have too many expectations of her.
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_01: She'll enjoy it.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, someday she'll have a clean bed and not a messy house.
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you for joining us for off the clock and on the rocks with Abby and Kate.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_01: And we still have a little beverage left, but we'll get into it.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_01: She's a lightweight, y'all.
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_01: She's a lightweight.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_01: She's already feeling tipsy.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_01: But thank you for being here.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_01: We will see you next week.
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.
• 1:03:02
  SPEAKER_03: Why does it make that noise?