Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / What Do You Offer at Your Wholehearted Table? with Dr. Mike Bechtle

Transcript

What Do You Offer at Your Wholehearted Table? with Dr. Mike Bechtle · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast with Amy Wicks, your wholehearted life and business coach.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: You should know this podcast will inspire you to grow in self-awareness, be passionate about your faith, and get clear on your calling.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you are new here, then welcome to the community of multi-passionate women who love to go deep on topics like faith, Enneagram, relationships, leadership, and community.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: This conversation might provide the step you need to make the change you desire.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get started.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: While we've focused this month of conversation about intentionally building a table, seeking people who offer wise counsel, encouragement, and community, I think it's also important to be asking, what do we bring to the table?
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's easy to focus on how we are perceived, right?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like what are people thinking of us?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Are do we say this thing right?
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Are we asking correctly?
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or what do other people think about the other people we're bringing to the table?
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to encourage us to be thinking that the real power comes from shifting our mindset on what others are thinking about us to what we have to offer.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: So today I'm joined by Dr.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Mike Bechtel, who has been on the podcast before, and he is the author of How to Read a Room, among I think nine other titles.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: So this conversation today and this book is going to help us rethink how we engage in relationships.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of fixating just on what others think, Mike is going to show us how to develop a presence that makes a meaningful impact.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now, while you listen, I want you to consider something.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Have you given thought about how your unique personality type is influencing how you engage with others in not only relationships but in social settings?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's amazing how much that does impact your approach to belonging, connection, or even handling discomfort in a room.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want to know more or you want to learn how your starting point doesn't need to be your stuck point, I'd love for you to book a free clarity call with me today.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's explore how you can build the table God is calling you to create and to step into that a little bit more confidently.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Also, check out the show notes for all the ways to say thank you to Dr.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Mike for being on the podcast, finding his book, as well as all the exciting things happening at Simply Wholehearted.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get right to this conversation with Dr.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Mike Bechtel.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad to have you back.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think when we were looking through the archives, I think you did as well as I did.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Has it been four years?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: I think so.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was 21.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: It was February 3rd.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: I did see that.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: So well, that's so fun.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Here we are, four years later, having another conversation.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: How many books have you written?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: This new one is number 10.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, hello, 10 books.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Not very many people do that in the world.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well, most people have a life.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: So well, okay, this conversation is about to go another direction, but I think I'm gonna have a little fun with it and and just ask you.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, most people have a life.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: I know you say that in jest, but really 10 books, that's quite the legacy.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's also quite the calling.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked a little bit about what goes into the book process.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot here.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um what has compelled you?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Do you love to write?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Has it just been a it just happened and evolved?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And here you are 10 books later.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: Kind of.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: It was, I actually have always wanted to write a book, and it took me until I was 54 to write the first one.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I've done articles and things like that.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I've enjoyed writing, but after I wrote my first one, was which was a book on evangelism for introverts, that um just seeing where that went and the process.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I started getting more into that.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, how do you communicate?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: And how do you do communication stuff with people and relationships, especially more on the introverted side?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: We're the ones that kind of struggle a lot of times with.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do you make conversation?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: How do you feel comfortable?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so the whole process came along those lines.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I wrote this current book, was because I wanted to uh deal with how people feel when they enter a room and you just feel uncomfortable.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: And you go into a social event or you go into a corporate meeting or even church sometimes and have to figure out I'm just uncomfortable.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: What are people thinking of me?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: And we don't realize they're probably not thinking of us, but we think they are.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then how do you survive?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: How are you gonna, how long do I have to stay?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so I looked up some books to find out how to do that.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: There's quite a few of them, but they stop at that point.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's not hard to learn how to be comfortable and confident in a room, it really isn't.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a number of books, but I realized that if I was um just confident and comfortable, I've made it all about me.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: So now I'm in a I'm in a room trying to make myself feel better and now I'm okay.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: But uh that felt a little narcissistic.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, just a little bit.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, what about the rest of the room?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's like if I can get comfortable, that needs to be a platform I use to start impacting individuals and just make a difference in the room to serve the room.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: So that's a dimension that I kind of added there.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: That was a very long question that answer to a question.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think you even ask where we ended up.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: But but yeah, I've always I've just loved writing and being able to communicate that way and be able to interact with you know, readers and and all the things that go with that.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: So oh no, that was perfect.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: This series that we're in the midst of is the concept of intentionally building your table.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so what I love is that the timing of your new book happens to fall right, you know, perfectly for us for this conversation.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: But ultimately, you are helping the introvert or the uncomfortable engage with others.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that if we could summarize a lot of your books, that is a um a nudge of who you're helping, which is such a beautiful thing because the people like me, where engaging with others and getting others to engage with me might be more natural and normal because it's part of my personality.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: I forget, I forget to distill or break down what does it look like to create this space and make the space as warm and comfortable for everyone else.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Just kind of all of these pieces.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so adding your voice and your perspective to this conversation, I think is just perfect because I mean, it's probably a 50-50 world out there, wouldn't you say?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Introverts versus extroverts, and then you know, the amberts in the middle.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's pretty.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: I think uh Susan Cain says it's it's uh about 40% introverts, 40% extroverts, and the 20% amberverts in the middle there.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: But which is which is interesting because in writing this and my previous book, which was about introverts, I got quite a following of extroverts that were reading it.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: And with this one, the feedback I've had from extroverts is I'm very comfortable when I walk into a room, but I'm just trying to make conversation and do things and I feel good and I had a good time, but I didn't listen to people or I didn't, you know, I it's like I didn't go in with the mission of making a difference for them because it's so easy to do it.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I think the whole idea of just being in a room from either side, introverts typically walk into a room and they're looking around saying, Where who's the person that looks the safest to spend the next 45 minutes with?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Right, and then I'll eat, then I'll eat something and I'll find one more person and the evening's done.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas an extrovert will walk into a room and say, How long will it take me to talk to every person in the room?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that's great because we're just different.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right, yeah.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think I fall somewhere in the middle, but maybe because I've also had some some good training over the years, some good discipleship and mentorship that's helped me think about the others.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: As we unpack this, because uh your this new book, like you said, how to read a room, it it unpacks a lot of different relational dynamics, conversation dynamics and things.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: But for you, as we're talking about building that wholehearted table, intentionally inviting people to speak into our lives, maybe, maybe it's a book, maybe it's a coach, maybe it's a mentor.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: This it could be a lot of different things.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: For you, what are some um people who are sitting at your table now or who have sat at your table who've been really influential in your life, especially as an author and speaker and teacher in this space?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: That was that's such an interesting question because obviously it goes way back to when I was a kid.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: You all it's easy to say my parents, my family, because when you're a kid, you don't know what you need.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't know what it's like outside of whatever your environment is.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's where you get the basic tools.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: When if you have a positive environment, you're gonna get tools that work really well.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: If you have a negative environment, you're gonna get tools, but they may not be the best tools for handling life.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think about my parents, and it was a good situation, but I got some good tools.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: I got some tools that just didn't work very well, especially I didn't get tools for how to make conversation focusing on other people and to get comfortable around others and really feel like we can have just the dynamics that you need in life to connect with others and do that.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I would say the first outside of my parents, the first big ones were some of my teachers that I had.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was a college prof for about 17 years at Biola University in Southern California here.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember when I started, it was all about me.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: I thought, okay, some students are engaged, some students are not, and it's their problem if they're not engaged.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if they want the good grade, they're going to do the work.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I paid more attention to the engaged students and and I was just trying to, well, I guess I was getting trying to get them to like me, but at the same time, just do what I needed to do.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: And then I was sitting with some friends uh probably two years into that, and we were talking about who were our best teachers.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: And we thought, you know, the the what came out for everybody was our best teachers were the ones that were passionate about the subject, but they deeply cared about us.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: They wanted us to catch their passion, almost like they they would light the fuse, and then the students would catch on fire because of it.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's changed my perspective because I had several teachers.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: I had the teachers I remember, like Mrs.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: Domini in fourth grade.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you remember her name.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: I had Mrs.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Jensen in fifth grade, had Mrs.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: Domini again in sixth grade.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: One of my biggest influences was Mr.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: Fisher in eighth grade because he saw we used to do class presentations, and he encouraged me with being able to get in front of a group.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of times introverts are the ones that speak because you normally think it's the extroverts.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: But I was in National Speakers Association for years.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's the association of like professional speakers.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember they did a survey, and you know, we said usually 40% or so of um introverts are people are introverts.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: They did a study with their clientele, several thousand speakers to see where they fit.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: They found that about 65 to 67 percent of them were introverts.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: No, and it's like, why would they be an introvert?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, that was an easy answer.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because if I'm in front of a group, I'm in control, I know what's gonna happen.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: I I can structure the group, I can focus on the people and find ways to make it happen.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm sitting in an audience and you call me up to the front, I'm terrified because I don't know, I'm out of control.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what you're gonna do.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: Am I gonna be embarrassed or whatever?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so being able to have those kind of people that um in my life.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: So some of them have been other people that I've that I've known in that profession over the years.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Some of them are authors.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh John Acuff is one of my mentors in that sense because of um some of the things that he's done that have shaped me.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: His book, Soundtracks, is one of the best books I've ever read because it changes how you think.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: So, and probably the biggest one was a youth pastor that I had who just took an interest in me.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: And he was he was a music guy and did youth choirs back in the days when we did that.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: But he also he was a musician.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: He would buy old pianos and then he would rebuild them and sell them at you know, at a price, so he'd do like a Steinway piano, really high-end piano that was just falling apart.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: He'd buy it cheap and then completely redo it.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so he basically brought me alongside because he knew I liked woodworking, but he wanted to invest in me.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: So he taught me how to how to work on pianos, he taught me how to tune pianos so we could do that.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I put myself through college tuning pianos, but wow, it wasn't so much that that was just what connected us.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: But we spent hours together out in his garage just talking about life and and uh encouragement I got from him.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so I see he was one of the key people at my table that as I look back, who who brought me where I am now?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it was a few people like that, but he was probably the main one in that position.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love that.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for sharing that with us.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I I'm just so impressed that you can go back to the fourth grade teacher and remember her and honor her in that way.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, might also be your gifting as an Enneagram nine that you're that past thinking is a skill set of yours.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: So that's great.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Would you coach us a little bit or teach us what does it look like to utilize the skill of reading a room and our social dynamics and building our table?
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: What's the value here for us, whether we are an introvert or an extra extrovert?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: I think when it has to do with the value of reading the table, there's so many things that come alongside that.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: The skill is a really a crucial one to have because if we're focused on ourselves, we're uncomfortable, we're not confident.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: Reading the room, learning how to do that, one thing it does is help me be other focused.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because if I change my mindset, if I can get comfortable, change my mindset, now I can be focused on others.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm focused on others, I can have an impact on others.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm thinking about them, I don't have time to focus on myself because other people become so interesting.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: So that was that's one of the biggest things, I think, yeah, is just um knowing that I can make a difference in the lives of other people.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: It almost becomes a whole new mission.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: So instead of just going in the room and I hope I'm okay, but how do I find out what's happening in the room as a whole?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: How do I find out what's happening with an individual?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: What do I do before I even talk to that person to get a sense of where they are?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then what can I do when I do connect with them?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: How do I what do I do in a conversation?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I remember years ago seeing at a bookstore, it was like an airport bookstore, and they had a whole bunch of books, like more like booklets.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I think there were about 15 of them, and it was all on different topics.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: It was how to fake your how to how to fake conversation about football.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, how to fake conversation about the stock market.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it taught you just enough of the terminology and a few basic things that and a couple questions asked.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: So if you could do that, people will think you're really smart in that topic.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: And it I thought that's clever, but it seems kind of fake.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, but I'm not going to be an expert in all those.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: But that got me thinking, okay, is there a way that we can meet somebody and not have to come in with, all right, I have prepared my agenda for the things I'll talk about to sound interesting.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: But how can I explore where somebody's coming from?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's the biggest advantage, I think, uh, for me in learning the simple skills of reading a room is to be able to um find out right away what is somebody's story?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: What's their life like?
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: Where do they and to do it without feeling like I'm just making conversation?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's it goes back to deep interest.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I really care about that person.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: And if I don't, they're gonna figure it out.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh but I'd say that's for me, that was the biggest one of the biggest takeaways in writing the book was to be able to just say, how do I have a conversation with somebody I don't know and haven't met?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: But to be able to engage in a way that it really benefits them.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: It benefits me, it connects us.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because I remember I had a friend one time, actually, a friend of mine, her daughter, said something about, yeah, I saw a man sitting on a bus stop and he was just on the bench by himself.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: I felt so bad.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: I went over and just sat down and talked to him.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: He said, That was the most fascinating thing in the world.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I'd rather be shot than sit next to somebody I didn't know at that point, because it's like, no, he's a stranger.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: And she says, but that's what makes it so interesting.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: You've got a story you've never heard.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: And years ago, my dad had a little book that he got in some kind of a sales uh training or something.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: It was called How to Get a College Education Every Six Months.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: And the whole premise was that everybody you meet has uh stories, they have educated, they have knowledge, they have experience that you don't.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody knows something you don't.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: So whenever you meet anybody, and actually, when it's somebody you know, in a conversation, see if you can make it your goal to find something that you don't know.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: Learn something from them from their experience.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: People love, I mean, we all love talking about our own experiences, but nobody usually asks us.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: They're usually telling us their story or talking, and we don't have a chance to engage.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: When we reverse that and we're genuinely interested in them, um, it can make their whole day to be able to have somebody.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we're just starved to be listened to, don't you think?
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: I I think you you highlight a couple of reasons why I love what I get to do, because I get to talk to, as a podcaster, get to talk to amazing people and learn from them, but my clients as well.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then the masterminds that I'm a part of, whether I'm leading it or peer masterminds or ones that I'm, you know, involved in and paying to be in, there is so much to learn if we're willing to absorb information and take it in and not fight to the front to be seen.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: And when it's not about us, um, there's so much to glean.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I am naturally curious.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that is something that I encourage others in their relationships, whether it's as a parent or as a spouse, a friend, as a coach, to remain curious.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me more about that mindset or some other mindsets along those lines of, you know, insatiable curiosity can get you pretty far, I think at least.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: I think curiosity is probably the number one thing that we need in relationships to be able to keep conversation going.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because it does make it easier because I don't have to think of a bunch of stuff to say.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I think for me, it's gone into having the mindset.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: Well, okay, I'll talk about a couple.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: The my mindset, how I view myself, how I feel about myself impacts how I view other people.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because we have those lenses.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: And if I have a lens that sees myself in a certain way where I think, okay, everybody's more confident than me.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I can't think fast enough in a conversation.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm too quiet.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: I can't overcome my habits, I'm always going to be this way, then that's going to impact when I'm talking to somebody else.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm assuming that they're seeing the same thing I do about me.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm not confident or anything else.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: But to be able to have a mindset where I make sure I'm I have a clear lens.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: When my son was probably, I don't know, about 10, 9, 10 years old, we went to a sporting goods store just for fun.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: And we we were trying on ski goggles.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I tried on a pair that had blue lenses.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: He tried on a pair that had red lenses.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked across the room and I saw a jacket hanging on a rack, and they said, Tim, what color is that jacket?
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: He said, Well, it's red.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: I said, No, it's not, it's blue.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: He looked at me like I had lost my mind.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: He said, It is not, it's red.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: I said, No, it's blue.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: We went back and forth.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: I could not convince him that jacket was blue because he was seeing red.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: He couldn't convince me that he was it was a red jacket because I was seeing blue.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: We took off our goggles, the jacket was white.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: So we didn't see the jacket the way it was.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: We saw it through our mindset, our filter that we had created that may or may not be right or wrong.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's like if we went and saw a house that was just gorgeous on the front and has been totally rebuilt and it's landscaped and everything else, but they've done nothing in the back.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm standing in the front, you're standing in the back, and we're yelling over the roof to each other.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm saying, This is the most amazing house I've ever seen.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: You're saying, What's wrong with you?
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's a wreck, and we're going back and forth.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we do that in conversation so much where it's like, no, this is the way it is.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: And you say, No, it's this way, and we just keep going.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: What you brought up about curiosity, about that mindset is to make that work, I need to walk around to the back of the house and stand with you so I can see what you're seeing.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, now I get it.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: And now you and I will walk together around the front.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's what it is.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: And so, not being able to just have my own mindset, but to challenge it by looking through your lenses and share my lenses with you.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, now we've just built some community between us because we've got a mindset that lets us do that to be able to be able to connect in a way that it's not who's right, who's wrong.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, let's just do this together.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: So yes.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm not sure that answered your question, but that's where I wandered off to.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: So no, what is so great is that is a very similar illustration that I use about the Enneagram, because this is the, well, ultimately, this is the gift of the Enneagram, is being able to understand that we're looking through different colored lenses.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when we take time to not only learn about the color of lens that we're looking through, but we can better understand if we study the other types, what perspective other people have.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: And to your point, it's not a right-wrong.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's a different perspective most of the time.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's going, oh, actually, it's white, right?
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: It is, it is this neutral thing.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: And we just have different perspectives coming into it, which I'm I'm so grateful.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: I have a uh summit coming up in March of Summit for Women by Women.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: The only reason why you were not invited to uh the lineup, I know.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but we're talking about the different types of communication patterns and then specifically going into how we can work better together because understanding that little piece of relationships, while there's so much to do with coming together and working better together, understanding that a little bit of that perspective can give us a shift in order to have this energy and really getting on the same page in the long run.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: I may I would have to say the Enneagram changed my marriage.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: Probably 15 years ago.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: I was in a mastermind in Tennessee, and we were told that you can't enter the state until you've found out what your Enneagram was.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: And um, but it was uh uh a mastermind of of authors.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: And going in there, I went through and I was so um so amazed at how the mastermind works so much better when we really understood and had the language to understand each other.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: Came home, my wife and I um went through Ian Kron's book and and found out that she's a one, I'm a nine.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so you put that combination together.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: When we first got married, that means that she is the one that will carry out whatever needs to be done.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the dreamer.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: Her dad, I'm I'm not sure what number he was, but he would come up with an idea of something to do maybe once a year, and then it's because he was a woodworker, and so they'd be sitting in the living room and he'd ask his wife, um, you think we should have a TV cabinet here, maybe build a TV cabinet?
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: She said, That'd be nice.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, Well, what do you want to look like?
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so we they talked for a while, and then he would disappear and he would get some graph paper, sketch it out, bring it in, they would talk about it, and then he would leave and he wouldn't come back in the house for like a week.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because he was building it, and then he would bring it in.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: They had it, and my wife grew up watching that.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: In other words, the man in the house has an idea, he immediately goes out and does it.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: Then she married me.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: I come up with about probably 50 ideas a day, and and they're scary, I think they're great ideas, and she was terrified because she thought I was going to do all of these, and then she had a different reaction when she realized I did none of them, I just came up with ideas.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I was the dream, uh the dreamer, and and she was the uh the one who actually figured things out, but but learning the skills of that, learning the Enneagram helped us have a language to be able to do it, and that's why what you do has been so valuable.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, if if people haven't read the book you wrote, I've had that for several years, ever since the last time we talked.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just classic on the perspective around is this even a Christian thing to do, or is it worth uh going through?
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, it's it's a powerful tool.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you for your kind words.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: I really appreciate it.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: I actually have a little other little nudge of another personality assessment you might need to check out.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that is, yeah, I know you got pen and paper ready.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's the six working genius and Patrick Lincioni, who is a leadership guru in this space for decades.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's a new tool.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think he came up with it maybe five years ago now, but I've been um versed in it for about three years.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you describe a little bit of that idea of your father-in-law having the idea and then going immediately to doing it.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, kind of talks about the first step of the working genius and then the last step of working genius, which is an interesting combination.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I I think for you and your wife, it will be really fascinating.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's an incredible tool for teams, right?
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: And businesses, but I have also found it really helpful in my home and understanding my nine husband a little bit better in that what actually, because I am the idea person of the two of us, and he gets afraid when I'm talking about all these ideas because he's like, How on earth are they all gonna get done?
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have enough energy for that or bandwidth or margin.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so, anyway, it's been a helpful tool, even as I'm always asking questions.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm learning to temper it a little bit or to preface of like, I'm just wondering, you don't have to have an answer.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is just me.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll have some fun with that.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, thanks.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's always fun to learn another layer.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, back to your book and back to this concept of how to read a room.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: What are some common mistakes when we're looking at building this relational table or we're inviting people to speak into our lives?
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm pretty sure most people aren't picking and choosing friendships based off like, oh, I'm building my table.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's not that flat through, but sometimes people come into our lives and a year or two later, maybe less, we're like, wow, that did not go well for me.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, in other times where it's like, oh, I maybe missed an opportunity that could have been really valuable for different reasons.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: So there's common mistakes for everyone.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to live in the land of regret, but help us as we're intentionally thinking about it this year.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's not one undone, but you know, for this year in particular, in this moment of time, and then maybe next time when it's time to adjust the seats at the table.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I think some of them are just really simple.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, one of them is wondering what people are thinking about us, uh, because it's so natural to do.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: And like I mentioned, usually they're not, they're thinking about themselves because it it's natural.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's a a self-preservation um exercise is absolutely how how are people thinking about me?
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: And that can get to a point where if I'm always worried about that in any kind of a group setting, then I've made it about me again.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about others, and that's why the solution for that is to learn how do you observe before you initiate conversation.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: What we talked about mentioning making conversation instead of listening.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because the more I mean, we've all had those conversations where the other person does all the talking, we do all the listening, and then they leave and go tell somebody else what a great conversationalist we were.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because we didn't say hardly anything, we just asked questions, and so just really learning a focus on listening, excuse me, listening and curiosity, where it comes from there.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: Another one that I think is a miscommon mistake would be trying to pretend that we're something we're not.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, pretend we were an extra.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: Pretend like we know a lot about football when we really don't.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: And to be able to to make people think I'm that I am more confident, so I have to, I feel like I have to act more confident.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or I'm or if I'm an introvert, I have to be an extrovert.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's probably one of the biggest ones that I experienced, and I've seen a lot of people do is I go into that meeting and I have to have to press the flesh and I have to kiss babies and do the politic politician thing.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, if that's not who I am, I'm robbing people of the very thing that I do bring to the table.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: Because I used to think, okay, I've got to socialize and I've got to, I've got a network, which is the worst word in the vocabulary for a quiet person, but I have to uh I have to be that way.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: And otherwise I'm not gonna be successful.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, well, what does success look like?
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_01: Usually an extrovert can go into a room and they want to engage with a lot of people, which is perfect for them.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_01: But then I go in and I feel like, okay, I've got to do the same thing.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I'll make more of an impact if I can find those two people that I will engage deeply for a while.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: And if I walk out and I've had two conversations where I really was able to encourage them and even get encouragement back, that's success for me.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_01: And it success isn't measured by what somebody else does.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: So comparison is probably a big issue that I'm not as outgoing as them, or I'm not as fluent as them, or quick on my feet.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_01: I typically would come up with a perfect answer for somebody about 10 minutes after the conversation's been over.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: But then it's too late, they're not there.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_01: So those are the kind of things where to realize I was created in a certain way.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: And as long as I stay true to my temperament, um, who I have been created to be, because sometimes I've always felt like a turtle being taught how to move around by eagles.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, okay, that works well for them.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_01: And it but I'm being in a different way, it's gotta be within my frame of reference.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: And as soon as I learn how to do that, it really makes the whole thing not only comfortable, but you feel confident in those kind of settings.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_01: I I believe that overcoming those mistakes, uh, which mostly center around being what somebody else, what we think somebody else wants us to be, yeah, is one of the biggest areas of mistakes we make.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's good.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: What's interesting that comes to mind is there's a monthly gathering here locally that I've been a part of from an advisory role and a speaker role and a sponsor role in some different levels.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my clients who's now a dear friend, she started this vision.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's just really fascinating because sometimes you're you go in and to those monthly gatherings and you're like, yeah, I, you know, I'm I feel excited to go and I'm ready to go.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I I know what kind of, you know, for us girls, we're thinking, what I've got this cute outfit that I'm excited to wear, right?
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we're thinking, oh, we're having a good hair day and all of those things.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have other times where things are just lining up, you forgot to wash the cute sweater you wanted to wear, their hair day is just falling apart.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I have come to find that regardless of what day I am having, if I go in there and my mission is to just care for the person that I accidentally sit next to, you know, accidentally air quotes, then I will have fulfilled my mission and the purpose of going to that gathering where it, and then it's no longer about me and what kind of day I'm having or week I'm having.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I can go in and kind of that the opportunity.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't been disappointed yet when I remember to go in with that mindset.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't always do it right, but when I remember to go in with that, it's amazing what opportunities the Lord brings about in those, yeah, just in that obedience and that that mission.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I have a friend who's a paramedic, and he told me that his job, his role, the only thing he's thinking about is when he gets onto the scene of an accident or a health issue or whatever, is okay, I need to triage these people and find out what do they need.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's all about my job is to provide what they need.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's all focused on them.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: He said, after it took me a while to realize I don't care what people think of me.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about am I doing a good job or whatever.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's that it's that would get in the way.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so having, like you said, learning that skill, that maybe not a skill as much as a change of mindset of deeply caring about somebody else.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's what you've been called to do.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it just makes the whole thing worthwhile to do that.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's yeah, that is is really good.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think that um it goes back to the prayer, a daily prayer of what is mine to do today.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: And with that, can be either a lightened load or a more clear, intentional, laser-focused road uh road or direction, if you will, of you know, focusing in on, okay, who is it that I've been put across their path that I'm meant to help?
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: And how can I help them?
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so as we're thinking through all of this, what is another tip or takeaway that you want to give us, just as we continue to think through and building relationships and seeking out counsel?
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you could even give us insight of like, we want to build our table so we receive.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: But this is the conversation to think about what we could give.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: How do we, how do we engage in those even mentorship relationships where we do get to be asked most of the questions, but what are ways that we can give back and take consideration when we're the mentee and we're being mentored?
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's a that's a great question because it goes both directions.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_01: That it's so easy to say, I wish I had a mentor.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I need to find somebody who will be my mentor.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard to get a mentor because if you ask someone, I will you be my mentor, then that's a big commitment you're asking of them.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_01: But if I say, Can I just sit down with you?
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a couple questions.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: Here's where I am, and I've followed what you're doing and you've had success here.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_01: Can we just talk for an hour?
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_01: Most people are more than willing to help somebody else that is a little behind them on the trail because they know they're engaging in them.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_01: So if I have the mindset that I'm not an expert, but I am on the same trail as they are.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: I remember there's a little roadblock they're about to cross.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: I should let them know about that.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_01: If they turn the wrong way, they're gonna fall off this cliff.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the toxic waste, but here's where the best view of the sunset is.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's I can I can help move them to where I have been.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a more of a short-term mentorship from a lot of people than just one.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm the one being mentored, then I just need to think in that same mindset.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, this person is not somebody I put on a pedestal.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of times we we see a mentor as somebody that we put on a pedestal, and that's not a good place to be because we always fall off pedestals.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: And the closer you get, the more you see the reality and things.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_01: But whether I'm the one being in the front or if I'm the one in the back, it's okay, let me show you what's up here.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm in the back, it's like, here's the things I need to know.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: What have you what have you encountered that I'm gonna be coming up on that would just make a difference here?
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_01: Not yeah make me rich and famous, but just what what's the road look like?
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_01: We're it's the mindset that we're on this road together.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_01: And that equalizes us and it makes it a whole lot more fun, too.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I love that.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I like the illustration there of being on the same road, they're just a few steps ahead, and they can give us the caution signs or tell us how to overcome the obstacle.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think what your book lends to and what you're teaching, even here, is that you can still be aware and curious of what your mentor might need in that moment or where they're at, because I think to your point, if we've put them on a pedestal, we assume that they've got all their, you know, life together and everything's going well, but maybe they've had a bad day or are hitting a really tough season or they're in a tough spot in their path as well, even though they're ahead of you.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think it's fair to, you know, maybe you're not spending the majority of your conversations with your mentor in hearing about their life, but I think it still is a gift to offer in that relationship as a mentee to care and be intentional about their life.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: And also every once in a while, if you're meeting for coffee or a meal, you could buy them a meal or coffee every once in a while just to say thank you.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a that's a free bonus tip too.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think especially having questions already ready because that's good.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's I've had situations where somebody wanted to meet, but they haven't thought through it.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, I'm wondering why they want to meet.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_01: But if they come and they say, I have three specific things I wanted to talk to you about, it's like that's good.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's just perfect to be able to have a kind a conversation where it's like it meant enough that you would think through it first.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, yeah, that's a really great tip and something that is so helpful if if you're wanting the the more thought you put into ahead of time, the more beneficial that it will be for you in that conversation, whether it's, you know, whether you get several opportunities or not.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: So okay, so good.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: I knew our time would go fast.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_00: It always does in these things, but I also just appreciate your presence and getting to learn from you.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, uh like if we were sitting at a coffee table, I would buy you a coffee and have more questions.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_01: I would fight you on it, but that's okay.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: I would uh I would say, tell me what I don't know.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: But for today, can you tell us what we don't know yet about your new book, how to read a room?
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: Is there a takeaway that you would really want us to get out of it or just even a glimpse of what it looks like to engage with the material?
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_01: The only characteristic is I have a four-step process of learning how to how to read a room that has to do with instead of just how do I get more comfortable or what do I talk about?
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_01: The very first step I think is probably the most important, which is just observing the room.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_01: Before anybody knows that you're doing anything, I don't talk to anybody until I have scoped out people and things and gotten a sense intentionally of what's going on.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm walking through a conference room and somebody says, Hey Mike, come over here and I haven't finished yet, I'll just say, I'll be over in a few minutes.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'll be right back.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then I and then they forget that they ask anyway.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_01: But it gives me a chance to I want to look from a distance and just get a sense for the tone of the room, who's smiling, who's not, what's going on.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_01: But if I can do that, if I did nothing but that, that takes me to the next steps with that, which have to do with uh observing individuals instead of just the room, and then engaging with them.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_01: How do you have those conversations and the curiosity and then coming up with a strategy?
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_01: What am I going to do in this room?
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_01: All of those can take probably less than a minute a piece, uh, but it's such a little thing can make a difference.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_01: Now that's what stands out there.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think the biggest thing impact-wise for me is that I I want to I want to get a new mindset that says I can uh make a difference in this room.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not just there to feel good because now I'm I've gotten in my comfort zone.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_01: I've stretched a little bit, but what do I do with that?
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want it to always be about me so I'm comfortable.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, I now have a skill.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: What do I do?
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_01: And anybody can learn that skill.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_01: Now that I know how to do that, what do I do with that?
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to find a way to become a leader in that room.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about what to do on a Zoom call with a group of people when you know you could so easy to disappear, but how can you make an impact, even as an introvert or whatever?
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_01: Something as simple as my goal in a Zoom call with the team I used to be on was to ask one significant question about what's being talked about.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm not contributing anything.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: I just ask one question in every call.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_01: And people start recognizing as soon as I ask a question, they know it's going to be a good one because it changes the conversation a little bit.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: So that's all that's all I had to do.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm seen as a contributor.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm visible.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas otherwise I'm waiting to say something, but I don't want to break in.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so things with virtual stuff, things about writing, how do you connect that way?
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_01: But I think the biggest thing is that I want to I want to be used with however God has gifted me to make an impact on other people.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't remember who it was that asked who will cry at your funeral.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_01: And at your funeral, you know, who are the people that you have impacted?
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: They're the ones.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody goes to your funeral funeral and remembers all the things about how much money you made, how many sales you made, how many books you wrote, all the other stuff.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_01: All they care about is how did you make them feel?
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: And to live my life in a way that says, I want to impact people so that I have left fingerprints on other people.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_01: And after I'm gone, they still see the fingerprints.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, I can see their fingerprints on me because we're close enough in what we're doing.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really more about a mission of how do you engage in a genuine way so that you have relationships worth keeping.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's genuine relationships.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that was really good, Mike.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think I hope my friends had a pen and paper there here these last few minutes to write down all these takeaways.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, or of course, they can go ahead and get your new book, How to Read a Room, put it in their Amazon cart and check out and get it even overnight, you know, if you place$25 or more, whatever that is, and start reading it right away to take that next step in your relationship.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for giving your time, your wisdom, for writing another book and sharing this wisdom that we can put into our lives and put into action right away, even before we get to finish the book.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's a privilege.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_01: And you have had quite an impact that you don't know in my life because I you're the one I follow for Enneagram stuff now.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's really has me, it really has made a difference.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I appreciate it.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_01: I was excited about the chance to be here today.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: So well, thank you so much.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: That blesses me.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I hope that you're walking away from this conversation with the powerful reminder that relationships aren't just about who we invite to our table, but it's also about what we bring to it.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_00: How intentional are we?
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_00: Are we giving the gift of curiosity?
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_00: Are we taking time to stop worrying about ourselves and how we're being perceived and to think about how we can serve so that way your connection can become richer and more life-giving.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_00: If this conversation resonated with you, or if you had a few takeaways, I'd love for you to share it with a friend who also would need this encouragement.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, if you started thinking a little bit more about how your personality type is influencing the way you engage in relationships, I want you to get on my calendar right away.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let's have a conversation, no obligations, and let's take that next step together.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_00: And like I mentioned, all the resources mentioned today or some of the highlights that we talked about together, you can find those details in the show notes.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, next week we're having a conversation that's gonna help you kick off the Lint and Easter tide season.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you've been around here a while, you know I love talking about rhythms centered around the Christian calendar.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are new here, that's all right.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_00: You're in great company.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: I have two amazing guests who are going to share a little bit of insight about the Christian calendar, what Lint is, what Eastertide is, and some simple rhythms in observing it.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_00: The women from Eighth Day Prayers are true gems and treasures.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so I cannot wait for you to hear that conversation and get to meet them and learn a little bit more about resources that will equip you this coming Lent and Eastertide season.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, my friend, remember, we are all broken.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're all blowing it.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_00: But the brave one does something about it, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.