Latest / The iDesign Lab Podcast / Parenting Teens, Sobriety & Real Motherhood | Keesha Scott on Teen Mental Health + Family Healing

Transcript

Parenting Teens, Sobriety & Real Motherhood | Keesha Scott on Teen Mental Health + Family Healing · The iDesign Lab Podcast

• 0:00
  This is iDesign Lab, a podcast where creativity and curiosity meet style and design.
• 0:06
  Curator of interiors, furnishings, and lifestyles, hosted by Tiffany Woolley, an interior designer and a style enthusiast, along with her serial entrepreneur husband Scott.
• 0:17
  iDesign Lab is your ultimate design podcast, where we explore the rich and vibrant world of design and its constant evolution in style and trends.
• 0:31
  Welcome to the iDesign Lab podcast.
• 0:34
  Today we are joined by Keisha Scott.
• 0:37
  She's an author, parenting coach, a podcast host, a recovery advocate, someone who spent years helping families navigate life's messiest moments.
• 0:47
  She's raising teens and building a national recovery organization to hosting a podcast cake for dinner.
• 0:54
  Keisha brings honesty, humor, and real-world wisdom to conversations every parent needs to hear.
• 1:01
  Welcome.
• 1:02
  Thank you.
• 1:03
  Thank you for having me.
• 1:04
  Thanks for being here.
• 1:05
  I know.
• 1:06
  So, you know, we were briefly talking as we were getting started that, you know, you truly have designed a movement around parenting, which we all are in the midst of, or most listeners are in the midst of.
• 1:21
  Where did cake for dinner come from?
• 1:25
  So cake for dinner, it's kind of a play on words.
• 1:28
  You know, I wrote a parenting book, which will come out in 2027.
• 1:32
  In the beginning of the book, I'm a single mom.
• 1:35
  Okay.
• 1:35
  So sometimes, as a single mom, especially, sometimes you just have cake for dinner.
• 1:41
  Um, literally.
• 1:43
  Literally.
• 1:44
  And also um, it's a little bit of a nod to my dad.
• 1:48
  I have a super great relationship with my father, and he is not a baker by trade, he likes me to point out.
• 1:54
  He's actually a doctor in exercise science, healthy physiology, but everyone in my family bakes.
• 2:00
  And anytime I've been in a really dark place, uh he's baked me cakes.
• 2:05
  And during my pregnancy, um, I ate cake like the entire time.
• 2:10
  So it's kind of both.
• 2:12
  So it really like has like a heart meaning and then the play on words.
• 2:17
  So, what brought you through your parenting and through your original career, I guess, to starting this journey of an author and putting it pen to paper?
• 2:29
  Yeah, I think just like everything in life, it kind of one thing leads to the next.
• 2:33
  You know, I got sober at 27, um, which is a whole journey by itself, and then having children, and then um my husband and I uh founded a national behavioral health company.
• 2:46
  And then um a few years back, we opened an adolescent facility really based on the needs that we saw at home.
• 2:54
  And then working with teenagers led me to work with parents, and then eventually to take a look at my own experience parenting through recovery, through difficult times, through divorce.
• 3:08
  Um, and it was recommended to me many times over the years that I write a book.
• 3:13
  I got stumped a little sometimes because I would think like this is a depressing story, you know what I mean?
• 3:19
  Um, but I gave it a shot and I ended up getting a book contract this year.
• 3:23
  So um how long when did you start the book?
• 3:27
  You know, I think um, like a lot of authors, I've been writing this book in my head for a very long time.
• 3:35
  Um I've taken a stab at it, you know, really on paper a few different times.
• 3:39
  So there's been a few variations of the book.
• 3:42
  Um, but I really got serious about it really a year ago.
• 3:49
  One year.
• 3:50
  And so what was your process becoming an author?
• 3:53
  Did you organize it?
• 3:54
  Did you literally just sit down?
• 3:57
  Did you do an outline?
• 3:58
  Like how did that I am not an organized person?
• 4:02
  So what happened was um one of my good friends and a colleague of mine, her name's Alison Walsh, she is an author and just like a very dynamic woman, somebody you meet with and you just want to kind of write their coattails.
• 4:14
  And she was always telling me, Keisha, you should write a book, you should write a book.
• 4:18
  And I would go to her with the same thing, like, who wants to read this story?
• 4:22
  You know?
• 4:23
  And she was like, just write the outline and send it to me.
• 4:26
  And if it sucks, then who cares?
• 4:29
  So it really, truly was I literally wrote an outline, emailed it to her.
• 4:35
  She emailed me back, I love it.
• 4:37
  Let's do more here.
• 4:39
  Keep going, do more here.
• 4:41
  And as I sort of started in that process, I started to realize there is a book here.
• 4:48
  Um, I think we get in our own way sometimes.
• 4:50
  Oh, we do every all the time, I think.
• 4:53
  Did you enjoy the process of writing it?
• 4:55
  So I enjoyed the process of writing it very much.
• 4:59
  Um, I'm not enjoying the process of editing, which is the stage I'm in now, as much because it feels um, it feels like therapy kind of.
• 5:09
  Like I feel like every red line was we want more, I want more, give me more.
• 5:14
  I'm like, uh I wrote the book I wanted to write.
• 5:17
  And getting deeper because my story is pretty intense, um, it's been a little bit hard and emotional.
• 5:25
  So did someone ask you or tell you you should edit it, or is it that?
• 5:29
  No, so you submit your you know, final draft to the publishing company, and then they have an editor, and then they give you back, they assign all of the editors and they give you back like very, very detailed specific, you know, we want more here.
• 5:45
  What about this?
• 5:46
  Um, a lot, you know, a lot of it is that when you're reading a book, what she explained to me was every time you ask yourself a question, like, oh, I wonder what happened to that person, or I wonder what happened, you're leaving the book.
• 5:59
  And so if you really want to write a good book, she suggests you have to keep, you have to keep the reader present in the moment, in the room.
• 6:08
  Um, I left a lot of questions unanswered because the nature of my book is very intense.
• 6:15
  It has a lot to do with my son getting sober, um, my first husband dying.
• 6:20
  Oh, you know, so there's a lot of like things there that you're like, do I really want to put that in?
• 6:25
  There's so many other people that are connected to this story.
• 6:28
  Um is it gonna affect the how is this gonna impact my kids?
• 6:32
  Um, my first husband's mother, you know, there's a lot there.
• 6:37
  So there's a lot of pause for me.
• 6:39
  And so you got a publisher.
• 6:41
  Did you get a literary agent?
• 6:44
  So how is that process?
• 6:45
  Because finding something like that.
• 6:46
  The whole process is wild.
• 6:48
  So my first attempt, my original book was a menopause book.
• 6:52
  It was like a funny look at like all the crazy shit that happens to us.
• 6:57
  Right?
• 6:58
  Um, I did get a literary agent just from sending out a gazillion uh proposals.
• 7:04
  I ended up getting a literary agent.
• 7:06
  And then the book just wasn't aligned really with where I was.
• 7:12
  It was kind of like my I use humor a lot to cover up kind of maybe where I really am, and that's what it was a big example of, and it just sort of died.
• 7:22
  Um I started that process again with this book, A Gazillion Proposals, a gazillion no's.
• 7:29
  Um, and I ended up sending it to HCI, which is a smaller company that distributes through Simon and Schuster.
• 7:37
  Um, and they they bit.
• 7:40
  So crazy.
• 7:42
  But you have to be willing to you have to be put yourself totally okay with no's.
• 7:46
  Otherwise, don't do it.
• 7:47
  I mean, unless you get really lucky.
• 7:48
  Well, every no is a possibility.
• 7:50
  It's an opportunity to that leads you to the new opportunity.
• 7:53
  Well, that's what they say, but when you get them, you're like, it doesn't feel like one.
• 7:56
  So how does it feel to be an author?
• 7:58
  Yeah, it feels great.
• 7:59
  It feels great because you know what?
• 8:01
  It's been my dream my whole life.
• 8:02
  So it has been a passion, like subliminally there.
• 8:05
  I'm also an alcoholic.
• 8:06
  I'm also sober, so like there's been a lot of wild shit to my story, you know what I mean?
• 8:12
  So I was an English major in college.
• 8:15
  So obviously I've always had that like sort of passion for writing, but I was also drunk at the time and not organized.
• 8:24
  And you know, my life took like many different turns.
• 8:27
  So I say it's a has been a dream of mine, but not something that I have pursued actively really ever.
• 8:34
  What an amazing like landing to get to it now.
• 8:38
  Yes.
• 8:39
  When you are fresh and when you are ready and you embraced it.
• 8:43
  And I feel like sometimes in life we get these little moments that we do have to take them.
• 8:48
  How did you know that this was like the time to take that?
• 8:52
  I I think um I think my life had come full circle enough that I felt like I had something to give.
• 9:00
  You know, telling that story when I was so deep in the trenches would have just been a story with like zero tips, right?
• 9:08
  You know, right.
• 9:09
  I was gonna ask you, is it a self-help book?
• 9:11
  Yeah, this would have been like, hey, you might not want to do this, you know.
• 9:15
  Um, so I wrote the book at a time where certainly my life hadn't completely worked out, but does it ever?
• 9:23
  Um I think I had come to a point at 50 years old with three teenagers um running an adolescent treatment facility that I at the very least had something to give.
• 9:36
  Um, and what I think I'm giving the most is authenticity.
• 9:40
  It's like I'm not talking from a place of like, I've got this all figured out.
• 9:45
  Um, I don't think that my master's in psychology really provides much to the book.
• 9:51
  I think really it's experience.
• 9:54
  You know, it's it's having gone through all of these things and knowing mostly that you're you can do all of this stuff and just lead with yourself, right?
• 10:05
  Right and giving the permission.
• 10:06
  Yeah, and like look, we're all out here doing our best.
• 10:09
  We are.
• 10:10
  And I think I think moms don't want another book that either tells them how to do it or shows them what it's supposed to look like.
• 10:18
  I think moms are craving to know that whatever they're doing is fine.
• 10:23
  I know I often think that myself with my kids.
• 10:25
  I'm like, and even I now respect it from my own perception of how my parents were, I truly believe they did the best they could.
• 10:33
  I mean, as you kind of come to that own acceptance that you were doing the best you can with the tools you have and the life on life's terms, you know.
• 10:44
  So go So in your journey, what came first?
• 10:47
  Like the business, the book, you have the podcast, social media, how did it all develop?
• 10:52
  How did it all come about?
• 10:54
  Yeah, so trying to get the book contract was hard.
• 10:57
  And one of the main things that I would get with the no was that you don't have a social media platform.
• 11:03
  I had 400 followers and I'd post maybe on Thanksgiving, you know?
• 11:07
  And so nobody was following but me, but like my friends and maybe my college friends.
• 11:13
  You know, yeah.
• 11:14
  Um so it was just a tough thing for me because I really felt like social media was like a little like stupid, you know, a little weird and embarrassing and like cringy, as the teenagers say.
• 11:28
  Um that's so funny.
• 11:29
  I hear that all the time from all girls.
• 11:31
  Yeah, I just couldn't, I just couldn't do it.
• 11:33
  Um, so I came up with the idea that if I started a podcast interviewing moms telling the truth, that I could put that on social media, and at the very least, it would be authentic because what I didn't want to contribute to was people sitting at home feeling bad about themselves, judging themselves based on a highlight reel that I'm putting that's like I'm screaming at my kid, and then I'm like, well, good morning.
• 12:00
  One of those the Utah family.
• 12:02
  I didn't want to contribute to that.
• 12:04
  So I thought I'll just interview moms and like ask them a bunch of questions and they'll say how it really goes.
• 12:10
  And how could that be bad?
• 12:11
  I did not know that it would really resonate so much, so much, right?
• 12:17
  So um, that's been exciting.
• 12:20
  And I feel like you designed like everything comes back to such a nice execution, even though it's not meant to be that way.
• 12:28
  And you saying so how so much of it was so organic, but yet you have such a flair with everything you put out.
• 12:36
  It does feel very effortless and very natural and unapologetic.
• 12:40
  Well, you come across like an influencer.
• 12:43
  Well, thank you so much.
• 12:44
  No, you do.
• 12:45
  I mean, your stuff is really well done.
• 12:47
  The messaging is like is hits home.
• 12:50
  It's great.
• 12:50
  And they do make it beautifully done your this your social media.
• 12:54
  Thank you so much.
• 12:55
  I mean, really, it's just been me and Chat GBT trying to figure it out, you know, like what what how do you do this or how do you do that?
• 13:02
  I didn't even know how to link something.
• 13:03
  Right.
• 13:04
  So you started the podcast to promote the book, to promote the book and to give me a reason to post on social media.
• 13:12
  Right.
• 13:13
  Um, I remember the first post.
• 13:15
  I originally hired a company to do my social media.
• 13:17
  Uh-huh.
• 13:18
  And I remember the first post they put out.
• 13:20
  I was in a meeting at work and I looked down and I saw it come up.
• 13:24
  And you were like, I was mortified.
• 13:27
  I had anxiety all day long.
• 13:29
  It was such a bizarre, out-of-pocket concept.
• 13:32
  It wasn't you.
• 13:33
  And then, you know, I let them post for a little while.
• 13:36
  And they're they're a great successful company, but at the end of the day, they were like, you know, young women.
• 13:44
  And I don't know if they have kids or not, but they have like, you know, great asses and like they haven't had menopause.
• 13:51
  Like, you know, like I just could feel that they didn't get me on a deep level.
• 13:58
  And I that was that was exactly what I didn't want to do.
• 14:02
  So I got rid of them and just started posting random stuff.
• 14:06
  So how did that pivot?
• 14:08
  Like, what do you organize that?
• 14:10
  Like, how do you design it?
• 14:11
  No, to this day, I organize nothing.
• 14:13
  I I get up in the morning, have coffee, and I spend 30 minutes on Instagram and just make shit up.
• 14:20
  I mean, I don't really have a method, I don't have a calendar.
• 14:24
  So you don't have an outline either.
• 14:26
  Nothing.
• 14:26
  Yeah, nothing.
• 14:28
  I post my clips from my podcast.
• 14:31
  If they're gonna be amazing, I'll post Monday through Friday one clip.
• 14:36
  If they're okay, I'll do Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
• 14:38
  And then I just mix in other like logics.
• 14:41
  How did you jump into you decided you want to do a podcast to promote the book?
• 14:46
  How did you you know I come from like a media background, television background.
• 14:50
  So us starting this was kind of like I've done so many television shows.
• 14:54
  This was like nothing.
• 14:55
  Right.
• 14:56
  But I'm interested for like, how did you start because your podcast is a nice podcast.
• 15:03
  I it's well done, it's very professional, it's high-end.
• 15:07
  Yeah, so I am lucky that we own a national behavioral health company because with that comes all kinds of stuff.
• 15:14
  Um we have um a guy, his name is Andrew Nice.
• 15:18
  He owns a uh production company called Nice Productions, and he is amazing.
• 15:23
  So he comes to my house once a month, and we just, you know, we uh batch four episodes.
• 15:29
  In the same day.
• 15:30
  Yes, in that day.
• 15:31
  Which is such a great time.
• 15:32
  So he does that part of it, and he's without him, there is no podcast.
• 15:36
  I mean, he's amazing at what he does.
• 15:38
  He gets the whole thing.
• 15:39
  I think he's probably a better husband now listening to all these women, you know.
• 15:43
  Imagine, right?
• 15:44
  I can see him just like late sometimes.
• 15:47
  Um, but that's that part of it.
• 15:49
  And then as far as getting guests, I've just been shameless on social media.
• 15:53
  I mean, I I send messages to like rappers, to, you know, movie producers, I love it, to women doing all kinds of stuff.
• 16:02
  I mean, nobody is through social media.
• 16:05
  Yes.
• 16:05
  And then I will, you know, ask ChatGBT who's their PR person, and then I will go look up their PR person on social media because oftentimes they're not famous.
• 16:16
  So they will receive the message.
• 16:18
  I've gotten a few people that way.
• 16:20
  And then I will send, I don't know, up to 10 messages.
• 16:25
  Very often the person will make, oh my gosh, sorry, I didn't see any of these.
• 16:29
  And then I'll get a yes.
• 16:31
  Um, but you have to be, you know, you've got to be aggressive and um Are most of them remotes that no, most of those are in person, the the bigger people.
• 16:42
  But you go to them.
• 16:43
  You go to them.
• 16:44
  They're not gonna come to to boker a tone to come to some house they've never met.
• 16:48
  What I did one time was I I um set, I took my camera guy with me and we set up in my hotel room.
• 16:55
  So I got a suite and we set up one room.
• 16:58
  Um, I got a few people like that.
• 17:00
  But most bigger people, you're gonna go wherever they want you to go.
• 17:04
  You know.
• 17:05
  So when you started doing that, how'd you feel like being a host of a podcast?
• 17:10
  That's a whole different new world to go into.
• 17:13
  I love it.
• 17:14
  I know I love to talk.
• 17:16
  And, you know, I mean, my family's like enough, like with all your big ideas.
• 17:20
  So it's like a place for me-bend you for it.
• 17:23
  It's a place for me to really express myself, to talk about what is so important to me, which is motherhood, business, marriage, hormones, skin, all the things.
• 17:34
  I can't tell you how much stuff I learn.
• 17:36
  Every guest I learn.
• 17:38
  And I try all the things that um, whether it's someone who's, I just had a woman on uh shop with Ivy, you should check her out, actually.
• 17:46
  She's adore her.
• 17:48
  Yeah.
• 17:48
  But she is, uh huh.
• 17:50
  But she told me, you know, you should have uh this thing in your shower.
• 17:54
  You shouldn't be using uh regular fragrance, perfumes.
• 17:57
  Aroma 360 is terrible.
• 17:59
  I she left.
• 18:00
  I'm told my husband, we gotta get rid of those things.
• 18:03
  Yeah, we've had some guests where we've done the same thing.
• 18:05
  Yeah, it's very cool.
• 18:07
  So for me, I'm learning something.
• 18:10
  Um so the podcast, the content, the stories, the conversations, what are they about being a better mom or mom?
• 18:18
  So I researched the person and it it's I interview experts, celebrities, and real moms telling real stories.
• 18:26
  So if it's an expert, I will interview them about their expertise.
• 18:30
  So whether that's um maybe menopause, um, I've had on a child psychiatrist.
• 18:36
  So when I'm interviewing them, I'm I'm trying to gain information for the listeners.
• 18:41
  Um I'll put in my story a little bit, but mostly I'm really trying to help the listener learn.
• 18:47
  Right.
• 18:48
  Um if it's celebrities, then in with those, I'm trying to grow the podcast.
• 18:54
  Um, but I only interview celebrities that I like their story, and I'm not as interested in the salacious clips.
• 19:01
  Celebrity part.
• 19:02
  Like I'm kind of interested.
• 19:03
  Like I'm like what type of celebrities?
• 19:05
  So recently I interviewed Hilaria Baldwin, um, and they have seven kids.
• 19:10
  She and Alec Baldwin, right?
• 19:11
  So, like great parenting content.
• 19:13
  Yeah, like I'm interviewing her about what that's like to raise seven kids, be married to a very A-less celebrity, be in the public eye, like all of those interests.
• 19:25
  And she's gotten a little bit more in the public eye lately, hasn't she?
• 19:28
  Yeah, she did like dancing.
• 19:31
  And so, like, I could close in on things like, you know, the shooting that happened with him, you know, all of these salacious things.
• 19:39
  Um, they sometimes come up in the conversation, but I don't clip them and post them because I'm not really, I don't really believe in that.
• 19:48
  You know, I don't, I don't think that I don't want to participate in that.
• 19:51
  I'm more interested in like, how does this lady have seven kids?
• 19:54
  Kids.
• 19:54
  Like, which it is a mind-bender.
• 19:56
  It's a total mind-bender.
• 19:58
  And interesting, you kind of, you know, um society and media creates this idea of people, right?
• 20:06
  So I went into it thinking just the things that I've seen.
• 20:10
  Right.
• 20:11
  She was like a total powerhouse.
• 20:13
  First of all, she's this big.
• 20:15
  And you know, after the podcast was done, cameras were away, whatever, I had to, I was in a hurry to get back to the airport.
• 20:22
  And we're in this New York studio that was like tiny, the staircase was like super narrow and steep.
• 20:29
  She picked up my suitcase, picked up all my stuff, and like starts going down.
• 20:33
  You know, like you get to know the person in a different light with no cameras, no, I mean she was great.
• 20:40
  She was super intelligent, witty, nice.
• 20:43
  Um, so I think those people often get a bad rap, or they just get like, you know, pinned hold pinned hold as someone who they aren't even, you know.
• 20:52
  So it's that part is interesting.
• 20:54
  And then the real moms telling real stories is just, I mean, I've had a variety of moms, and those stories go.
• 21:02
  I I try not to prepare too much.
• 21:04
  Those stories just go.
• 21:06
  You know, someone will end up talking about.
• 21:08
  I had on a um a fashion designer, and she ended up talking about having postpartum depression and wanting to commit suicide.
• 21:18
  You know, that was not how I thought the conversation was gonna go.
• 21:21
  Right.
• 21:21
  Or I had a big divorce attorney on thinking we'll talk divorce.
• 21:26
  Um, she talked about her daughter died when she was a baby, and then her husband died.
• 21:32
  And she talked about studying for the bar in her car because she knew that her husband was gonna pass away and she was gonna be the breadwinner.
• 21:40
  And needed to I'm like, she left my house and I was just like, wow.
• 21:44
  Like the amount that women carry and overcome is fascinating.
• 21:51
  Wow.
• 21:52
  And I just feel so lucky to be able to share those stories with anyone who will listen.
• 21:58
  You can't hear that particular.
• 22:00
  Story, her name is Mara Bernstein.
• 22:02
  You can't hear that story and not leave and want to be a better person and to be more joyful.
• 22:10
  Gratitude.
• 22:12
  You just can't.
• 22:13
  Wow.
• 22:14
  I mean, when you're hearing all that, what does the rest like the day like look like with your family?
• 22:20
  I mean, are you sharing all of these stories and what what's their feedback and how yes?
• 22:26
  I I do.
• 22:27
  Um, I mean, I live a mile from my parents.
• 22:30
  My they're like so invested in this.
• 22:32
  I mean, they watch it on their TV.
• 22:34
  I think they think I'm like a celebrity of me, but I'm like, Mom, it's YouTube that dad is put on the TV.
• 22:40
  Um they're so invested in it.
• 22:43
  So they're like my biggest fans, and they're very interested in the guest and kind of their stories.
• 22:48
  So I talk to them probably the most.
• 22:50
  Um, my husband's, you know, completely into it.
• 22:53
  And but mostly the cameras are off.
• 22:56
  Andrew goes home and and my son is hungry, you know.
• 22:59
  Like mostly you just go back to parent mom.
• 23:03
  Yeah.
• 23:04
  So how did your journey?
• 23:06
  Obviously, you went through a lot of different phases.
• 23:11
  How what was the most impactful part that set you up for the book?
• 23:16
  Do you think?
• 23:17
  Do you is it the parenting, the sobriety, the merit?
• 23:21
  I mean, what really did that launch?
• 23:26
  I think sobriety sobriety, like, you know, made me take a real look at myself, like as a person and kind of who I wanted to be.
• 23:37
  Um, and then parenting just pushed me, well, first over onto the floor, and then literally, and then just required me to look at like the patterns of my life and you know, how how was I going to take all of these life experiences and be a good parent?
• 23:57
  Because the reality is you don't show up to parenting empty-handed.
• 24:01
  You bring all of it, all your good stuff.
• 24:03
  I mean, I grew up with no money, so I grew up gritty and resilient.
• 24:07
  I'm a hustler.
• 24:08
  Where did you grow up?
• 24:09
  I grew up in um, I was born in Tucson, Arizona.
• 24:13
  Okay.
• 24:13
  Um, but my parents were like full hardcore hippies.
• 24:16
  We moved to Rima, New Mexico.
• 24:18
  We lived on an Indian reservation.
• 24:21
  Um, and then uh all the while my dad got his doctorate.
• 24:25
  So he in the Indian reservation.
• 24:27
  Well, so he went to University of Arizona, he went to school in New Mexico, and then we moved to Georgia.
• 24:34
  So the Hopi or the Denai Indians?
• 24:36
  Uh I think it was um I spent some time in those reservations.
• 24:43
  Uh Navajo, I'm pretty sure.
• 24:45
  Okay.
• 24:45
  Um but then we ended up at the University of Georgia, where my dad got his master's, I think.
• 24:49
  Um, and then North Carolina, he got his first job at Pfeiffer College.
• 24:54
  And then we ended up at um in Boca Tone, Florida, where he is a professor at FAU for 30 years.
• 25:00
  Wow.
• 25:01
  Yeah, so we moved around a lot.
• 25:02
  So you guys kind of all got settled here in Boca.
• 25:05
  Yeah, I moved here in sixth grade, which I when I tell my story in Alcoholics Anonymous, I say that was really the turning point of disaster for me.
• 25:14
  Um moving here in sixth grade with no money and no real like awareness of that world and that culture was super uncomfortable for me.
• 25:25
  Wow.
• 25:26
  So you you at six years old you came to Boggle.
• 25:28
  Sixth grade.
• 25:29
  Sixth grade.
• 25:30
  Which is like middle school, height of adolescent, like so impressionable.
• 25:35
  Like a tiny town in North Carolina where like my brothers and I were all in one school.
• 25:40
  I have three brothers.
• 25:41
  We could all run fast.
• 25:43
  So we were popular, and that was the end of the story.
• 25:45
  I came here and my older brother went to Spanish River High School, my two younger brothers went to elementary school, and I was in middle school by myself.
• 25:54
  And no one gave a shit that I could run fast.
• 25:56
  You know, like I didn't wear a bra, I had terrible hair, I never heard of like a name brand.
• 26:01
  Like I was very, very, very out of pocket.
• 26:06
  And I think that's was really my first experience with feeling inadequate.
• 26:11
  It seems like you have such a heightened sense of awareness, in my opinion, like being a parent of three girls.
• 26:17
  I realize one of them is so aware and so, and one is so aloof, and one is so in their own world.
• 26:27
  Like, so you probably like you happen to be like a acutely aware individual, and landing in that situation could have gone anyways.
• 26:39
  For me, it didn't go the great, it didn't go great.
• 26:42
  Um yeah, I think I think I have always been acutely aware of like, I think I have a very high EQ.
• 26:48
  Um I'm very aware of like people's emotions and sort of very fascinated by how people tick.
• 26:57
  When I was younger, I think I used it to my advantage.
• 27:00
  I think every teacher thought I was gonna be great, you know, but I knew I wasn't.
• 27:05
  You know, it was just like I could get people to invest in me emotionally pretty easily.
• 27:10
  I figured that out young, maybe being the only girl in the family.
• 27:14
  Right, you know, my mom likes to joke that I would sit in this like pecan tree in Georgia in our yard and I would basically just like boss everybody around from the tree, from the tree for some reason.
• 27:25
  Um but so I think, yes, I did, but I was also super insecure, felt inadequate in that space.
• 27:33
  And I believe I have the predisposition for you know addiction genes.
• 27:38
  So you mix all that together, as they call it epigenetics, when genetics meets your environment, and it was a disaster, really.
• 27:46
  Did your parents have addiction or no, but both sides of my family.
• 27:51
  So my dad's dad died of cirrhosis of the liver, his brother died of cirrhosis of the liver at 43.
• 27:57
  Wow.
• 27:58
  And then my mom has some of those genes on her side.
• 28:01
  So both of my parents know, and then none of my brothers.
• 28:05
  So it really just, you know, all fell on to the do your brothers still live in the area?
• 28:10
  So my brother Mesa lives in Boca.
• 28:14
  Um, he was named after a flat plateau called a Mesa in Raymond, New Mexico.
• 28:19
  Um, my older brother Adam lives in Geor um Atlanta, and my little brother lives in Denver, Ryan.
• 28:27
  It's so nice though that you guys are a close family and that they all can share in this success, especially after probably being so worried about you through the through certain times, like to actually see you come full circle.
• 28:43
  Yeah, I just actually finished the chapter about them because when I submitted the um book, she said, you know, there's no chapter on here to like say where you came from.
• 28:53
  Your premise is that you don't show up empty-handed and you talk about sobriety and all these things, but like not your childhood.
• 29:00
  So I just completed that chapter and dropped it in actually last night.
• 29:04
  Um, so that'll be wild because I go through my parents and then each brother.
• 29:09
  So some stories they'll enjoy, probably some they won't.
• 29:12
  Some they probably won't even remember.
• 29:14
  Was it more of a memoir?
• 29:16
  Interesting.
• 29:16
  When I submitted the book originally, I got no's for two reasons.
• 29:20
  One, you have no social platform, and B, it's confusing.
• 29:23
  Is it a parenting book or is it a memoir?
• 29:25
  Right.
• 29:25
  So then I broke it down into be a parenting book, and HCI bought it, but all of the edits are coming back.
• 29:34
  We need more here, we want more here.
• 29:35
  It's gonna go back to the original book.
• 29:37
  Is that frustrating when they're coming back with the edits and telling you like to change?
• 29:41
  And it's kind of yes, but she's so good and you can feel it.
• 29:45
  Like, I don't know if you've ever been to therapy.
• 29:47
  I've spent years in therapy, but you know when the therapist is really good when you're like super fucking annoyed, you know, and you're like, well, they're getting somewhere.
• 29:55
  You know they're getting somewhere.
• 29:56
  You don't want them to get somewhere, but you can feel it.
• 29:59
  Um, that's what it feels like with reading all of her edits.
• 30:03
  She even wrote, I feel that you're trying to um protect your son in the last chapter.
• 30:09
  And I was.
• 30:10
  So when I flew to LA recently, I had to sit down with him and say, This is what the lady's saying.
• 30:16
  I can continue to do that.
• 30:18
  It's my book.
• 30:18
  I can write what I want, right?
• 30:20
  Um but if I really want to give the details and get down to the nitty-gritty, I really want your permission.
• 30:28
  Wow, what is that like having conversations like so raw with your kids?
• 30:33
  So rough because he's 19.
• 30:34
  It's like, is he gonna say yes and then at 25 be like, oh my gosh, you're right.
• 30:38
  Is it is at 28?
• 30:39
  Is he gonna go for some great job interview and the person's gonna read the book?
• 30:43
  Or some girl's gonna be like, I really love you, but or some girl's parents.
• 30:47
  Right.
• 30:48
  You know, it's like you think of this stuff as a mom.
• 30:50
  Um, his answer was, I'm very proud of my journey.
• 30:54
  I think you should write whatever you want.
• 30:55
  Oh it's gonna make me cry.
• 30:57
  I know.
• 30:57
  So then you've raised a great kid.
• 31:00
  Yeah, he is he is great.
• 31:02
  But you know, getting sober comes you no one gets sober because things are going well.
• 31:06
  So if you're gonna tell that story, it's gonna be intense, you know.
• 31:12
  Wow.
• 31:12
  So, like how, you know, now that you're through a like the rougher parts, I guess, like the parenting journey now, how it like what is that layer?
• 31:22
  I know you have kids at 19 and then one much younger.
• 31:26
  And I know from your podcast, twins.
• 31:29
  Yeah, like he's homeschooled twins.
• 31:30
  And yes, and you have one homeschooled, right?
• 31:32
  Yes.
• 31:33
  So I have 19-year-old twins, boy girl, and then a 12-year-old son.
• 31:38
  Um, I don't know that it ever, you know, I think it just changes forms, you know, parenting, right?
• 31:44
  I mean, I'm parenting young adults now, so that's like super fun sometimes.
• 31:49
  Like I'll catch myself with my daughter going to Pilates and I feel like I'm with my friend, right?
• 31:54
  Which is so great because she was so hard to raise.
• 31:58
  So I'm like, holy shit, we've we've made it, you know.
• 32:02
  Um, but then there's also like, you know, more young adult like emotions and problems, and and you're wondering, you know, is my son gonna launch?
• 32:12
  Is he gonna, you know, what is this gonna look like?
• 32:14
  And you sort of like analyze everything, um, which our parents didn't do, I don't think.
• 32:20
  I think they were like, hope it works out, you know.
• 32:22
  And they were more sweep it under the carpet mentality too.
• 32:26
  And they weren't feeling in it as much as we are.
• 32:29
  It was like a very like peripheral situation where we're so much more intentional.
• 32:36
  And once you're in, you can't really not be.
• 32:38
  And then parenting my 12-year-old is kind of like feels like I just ran a marathon and I got to the end and my knees are buckling and I'm tired, and somebody says, okay, back to the start.
• 32:52
  So it really is like that.
• 32:54
  It really is, and parts of it are amazing because guess what?
• 32:57
  I know what I wish I did different, and now I can do that.
• 33:02
  We actually had a situation come up recently where my son we got him an e-bike, which I regret because my worst parenting is choice ever.
• 33:10
  Why is that?
• 33:11
  And because they go too fast and give you a heart failure.
• 33:15
  They're dangerous.
• 33:16
  It's a little motorcycle.
• 33:17
  Yeah.
• 33:18
  Um, and so we got him this, and so we ended up making friends that all have e-bikes.
• 33:21
  And these particular friends didn't have a lot of rules, you know.
• 33:25
  It was like a Thursday night.
• 33:26
  They're at my house at like nine o'clock.
• 33:28
  I'm like, doesn't anyone have to go home?
• 33:30
  They're like, you know, and with my older son, I was so worried about his feelings and him making friends that I didn't parent from the place of confidence.
• 33:41
  And with my 12-year-old, I was like, nope, not happening.
• 33:43
  I took the e-bike, I put it at our farm, and I took away the friends.
• 33:47
  And like, I never would have done that with my older son.
• 33:51
  And you know, he was devastated, but I'm the parent.
• 33:55
  I know this isn't a good crowd.
• 33:57
  Right.
• 33:58
  Right.
• 33:58
  And so why wouldn't I parent?
• 34:01
  I think somehow we've gotten into this weird thing where we're afraid to parent.
• 34:05
  Well, that what do they call that?
• 34:06
  Gentle parenting or something like that now.
• 34:09
  Well, we talk about it all the time.
• 34:11
  We have three girls, teenagers, and their friends.
• 34:15
  We we want everyone to come to our house.
• 34:17
  We don't want our girls going to our house.
• 34:19
  Yeah, of course.
• 34:19
  Invite all your friends you want, as many as you want, whenever you want.
• 34:23
  Yes.
• 34:23
  But then, and the girls do that because we'd rather have them being around us.
• 34:28
  But the friends that come and it's 11 o'clock at night, and I say to Tiffany, like, the girls are falling asleep, the friend's still here.
• 34:35
  When's the mom picking them up?
• 34:36
  And then Tiffany goes, When's your mom coming?
• 34:38
  Oh, she just texted me.
• 34:40
  Can I stay tonight?
• 34:41
  Because she can't come until tomorrow.
• 34:42
  Yes.
• 34:43
  I'm like, what?
• 34:44
  What kind of parent is that?
• 34:46
  Yes.
• 34:46
  And like so many stories like that.
• 34:48
  It's so many parents.
• 34:49
  Well, and that's the same thing.
• 34:50
  But I think it's a lot of it's where we live in South this part of South Florida.
• 34:55
  My kids both say.
• 34:57
  Yes.
• 34:58
  I mean you like to think, you know, I mean, I don't know.
• 35:02
  Kid kids are the same everywhere.
• 35:04
  My older kids both say this was a terrible place to grow up.
• 35:07
  Wow.
• 35:08
  And both say that they feel like they would have done better if we had moved originally.
• 35:12
  At one point we're going to move to Charleston where my husband's gone.
• 35:15
  Great there.
• 35:16
  Both of them at 19 tell me, Mom, you should not raise Ford here.
• 35:20
  Um we don't really have a choice because we have a business here.
• 35:23
  Um, but who knows if that's just their, you know, take on it.
• 35:27
  Take on it.
• 35:28
  No, I think they're pretty accurate.
• 35:30
  I kind of do too.
• 35:32
  I just think that it's so well, it definitely creates a different set of standards and boundaries that aren't either of they're not healthy.
• 35:43
  Yes.
• 35:43
  So it makes like an already emotional time.
• 35:48
  Growing is life is hard.
• 35:50
  Growing up is hard.
• 35:51
  And that just adds unrealistic expectations at such formidable times.
• 35:59
  Yes.
• 36:00
  And I feel like it doesn't ever like go away.
• 36:02
  So yeah, I actually work with teenage girls.
• 36:05
  That's like my main thing.
• 36:07
  And you know, just the when you say you work with teenage girls, in what respect helping you.
• 36:13
  So we own an adolescent treatment facility.
• 36:16
  Yeah, and when the girls uh I had a group we had a facility in Boca, we actually closed it down because it wasn't a great location.
• 36:24
  So when you say adolescent facility, what does that mean?
• 36:28
  So age 13 to 17, girls that are struggling with mental health and substance use.
• 36:34
  So it's probably gotten to the point where their parents cannot manage them and they're concerned about you know their drug use.
• 36:44
  And so we had a facility in Boca for a while.
• 36:48
  We closed it down, and everyone who had graduated from them, I gave them an opportunity to get on a call with me every Tuesday night.
• 36:56
  It's just a free call that I do just for the these girls because we created such a bond.
• 37:02
  And what I wanted to do was to help them create a bond almost like a sorority where they can have friends and peers that have been through the same thing they've been through.
• 37:12
  Because these kids are trying to stay sober, which is very hard at that age.
• 37:15
  Is it the kids that are more, or is it the parents pushing the kids or to be on the call?
• 37:20
  Or just to come to the facility or the parents push them to come to the facility.
• 37:24
  This call, I have no idea how this has happened, but it's every Tuesday night at 6 30.
• 37:28
  It's literally my favorite thing every week.
• 37:30
  We have so much fun.
• 37:32
  And I have parents telling me I can't get this kid to do anything, but she will leave a dinner to be on the call.
• 37:38
  She feels good.
• 37:39
  Yeah, I think it's not really about me.
• 37:41
  I think it's about them.
• 37:42
  It's how they feel.
• 37:43
  It's how they feel together like talking to each other.
• 37:47
  Um, I do have to remind them every week, guys, at the end of the day, I'm still a responsible adult.
• 37:52
  So you can't say shit on here that is going to put me in a compromising position.
• 37:57
  I don't want to know that you snuck out, for example, because that is something that I can't know, or I would have to tell your parents.
• 38:03
  Now, they will pierce their nose and not tell their parents, I don't care about that.
• 38:08
  You know what I mean?
• 38:09
  But it's because they're they're all mad at their mom and they're all piercing something.
• 38:12
  That's just that's just a low-hanging fruit.
• 38:15
  Oh my god.
• 38:15
  But the sneaking out and the things that are truly risky.
• 38:18
  Right.
• 38:19
  Um, I usually 15 minutes into the call, I'll get off the call, you guys talk about whatever you want.
• 38:23
  Because they do need someone to tell that stuff to.
• 38:26
  And the interesting thing is it's created such a great um feedback loop for them.
• 38:33
  So sometimes the girls would be like, you shouldn't be doing that.
• 38:36
  Oh my gosh, that guy's such a jerk.
• 38:39
  Right.
• 38:39
  You should date somebody who's more, you know, supportive.
• 38:42
  So it's super cool to watch.
• 38:45
  So, how did you start that business?
• 38:47
  Create a business.
• 38:48
  Well, we we founded Guardian as a national behavioral company in 2008.
• 38:53
  When my 19-year-olds were 15, they started just to struggle.
• 38:57
  My daughter struggled with mental health and just she was just hard, really hard.
• 39:03
  And I was I found that there weren't a lot of local resources.
• 39:07
  So I told Josh we should open an adolescent component of our organization.
• 39:13
  So that's how that started.
• 39:15
  We have one in New Jersey and we had one in Boca.
• 39:19
  But really, you need for teenage girls, which is what it was, you really need to be like on a farm.
• 39:26
  You need to have more than it wasn't like the the right location.
• 39:33
  Um because you're gonna get kids that run away.
• 39:36
  Right.
• 39:37
  Um and having my son struggling and having a few kids run away was just like I I was gonna die.
• 39:44
  Like, I know how do you like be able to juggle all that?
• 39:48
  It's like that was that was hard.
• 39:51
  Honestly, the hardest thing for me in this adolescent space is is really boundaries, you know.
• 39:57
  Um, when I hear a 15-year-old teenager tell me that her parents do drugs, that the mom's bringing home a bunch of men, that you know, that their electricity was turned off, that they she can't have food, it's very hard for me not to be like, I have a guest house, you know, like so hard for me.
• 40:21
  So I try and limit it to I will drive and pick them up and take them to a meeting, you know, I will talk to their school counselor, I will go to their school and meet with their school counselor, I will talk to their parents, I will get them outside help and try and get people to do it for free.
• 40:40
  You know, I had one girl who's young, but she's so smart and she's such a good writer.
• 40:45
  She would show me like things she would write.
• 40:47
  So I got an editor that I know to donate an hour a week free time that they would get on call and she would because part of it is I want them to see that there's a whole world out there.
• 40:57
  If you can just get out of your house, you know, and I get them focus on school, get good enough grades that I can help you get a scholarship.
• 41:06
  You don't have to live in this.
• 41:08
  Um, you know, so that's really I think that's like my true love is just helping people and putting people together, it sounds like too.
• 41:17
  I love teenagers.
• 41:18
  I love the harder the better.
• 41:20
  I do I love teenagers.
• 41:22
  I think they're the most misunderstood group on the planet, you know.
• 41:26
  I don't want them to be my hard teenagers, right?
• 41:29
  Umone else.
• 41:31
  So is that part of the reason why you started like the parenting side?
• 41:34
  Yes, I think.
• 41:35
  Do you think it's the stems from not good parenting is causing or uh I no, I think it's I think it's mom the mom culture super weird, you know, and like being a mom with a difficult kid, I felt so out of place.
• 41:49
  I felt so judged.
• 41:51
  And so I want to create a space where moms can just be who they are, you know.
• 41:56
  Um, I had a difficult daughter, and then I was at mom's night out, like just feeling inadequate.
• 42:02
  Everyone was talking about math scores, and you know, and I'm like, I'm hanging on by a thread over here.
• 42:08
  You know what I mean?
• 42:08
  My daughter's slamming doors, doesn't speak to me, and like you know, is being not invited to anything.
• 42:15
  Right.
• 42:16
  You know, so it's like I want to create a community in a space, which is why cake for dinner really is the name where you just let your hair down, and sometimes you have cake for dinner, you know, nobody's doing it perfect.
• 42:28
  Right, you know, and women are done with this curated perfection, like nobody relates to it, it's unattainable.
• 42:37
  It is, and it's really stupid because the more that the more authentic that you are, I think the more you attract, right?
• 42:45
  And that's why your story and cake for dinner is resonating so strongly and in my opinion, moving so fast because it is so needed.
• 42:55
  Yeah, I think I think so.
• 42:56
  I think women are re are ready to tell the truth.
• 42:59
  You know, the days of pretending like you have it together, showing up to the PTA meeting in a Q outfit and then screaming at your kids in the car.
• 43:06
  I think those days are over.
• 43:07
  And really at the end of the day, what is the more important part, right?
• 43:10
  Being with your kid.
• 43:11
  I mean, and I try to remind myself that too, even when we entertain and like even the holidays entertaining.
• 43:18
  I'm like, we're hosting 20 people for dinner, our kids have to like help chop, cook, like it's a three-day process.
• 43:24
  Everybody else is out golfing at the beach and enjoying and like we're all, you know, working to curate this, you know, experience.
• 43:33
  I'm like, at the end of the day, what's more important than us just really being together?
• 43:37
  Being together.
• 43:38
  I actually wrote a story in my book about Christmas at my house growing up because my mom was the president of the PTA.
• 43:46
  Um, she wasn't she wasn't like what we're thinking of these days because we didn't have money and all that stuff, but she was just like amazing at everything she did, homemade, very natural.
• 43:55
  Um but anyway, she has always hosted You know, holidays and she's beautiful.
• 44:02
  Her house, everything she does is beautiful.
• 44:04
  And I can remember growing up, and I wrote it in the book on one Christmas.
• 44:09
  My brother had gotten a tongue ring, and she was furious.
• 44:14
  I mean, like he she like that that's the maddest I've ever seen her.
• 44:18
  And anyways, for some reason she called it a tongue pin.
• 44:20
  We'll never know why.
• 44:21
  But but she was screaming at him, like, get that fucking tongue pin out of your mouth.
• 44:27
  And then I remember the doorbell rang and she opened.
• 44:29
  She was like, Merry Christmas.
• 44:32
  We were all like, wait, who was that?
• 44:35
  What is that?
• 44:36
  And what I've learned as a mom is that wasn't fake, right?
• 44:40
  That was my mom being my mom trying to put on a holiday for us, for all those people.
• 44:48
  Right.
• 44:48
  But as a kid, I thought, oh, look at her being so fake, you know?
• 44:52
  Right.
• 44:53
  Um, and as a mother, you know, times I've told everyone to get their fucking clothes on and then hello, you know?
• 44:59
  It's because it it's part of the job.
• 45:02
  It sure is.
• 45:03
  It's so part of the job.
• 45:04
  And I wrote that um, I haven't completely finished with the exact title, but it's something like the myth of perfect motherhood, something along those lines.
• 45:14
  Um, but it's a myth, it's a joke.
• 45:16
  It is.
• 45:16
  And where do you think these stories that we tell ourselves, like, oh my God, look at her, she's so big.
• 45:22
  Like, where do those stories come from?
• 45:23
  Well, you look at way back, right?
• 45:25
  Yeah, it's just been an evolution.
• 45:28
  You know, you look back in the 50s and the 60s, you know, there was just more of a perfection culture.
• 45:33
  And I think that, you know, we've just chipped away at it.
• 45:37
  But it's a fight.
• 45:38
  I mean, it's a fight.
• 45:40
  But we're also in this era where no one's aging.
• 45:42
  So we're trying to like, we're trying to pretend, we're trying to like, I'm over here trying to be real about my parenting, but yet I've got to keep my skin tight.
• 45:52
  It's like yeah, I'm on camera now.
• 45:54
  So we've got to sound familiar.
• 45:56
  Sounds very familiar.
• 45:57
  It's exhausting.
• 45:58
  I actually did a post yesterday.
• 46:00
  My husband said the F word didn't belong in the post.
• 46:03
  But anyway, um, I said I basically compared motherhood to being at an all-you-can-eat buffet, right?
• 46:11
  It's like you gotta do all these things.
• 46:13
  You have to rent all your kids need to be smart and athletic somehow.
• 46:17
  And your skin has you can't age, you've also got to be hydrated, you have to exercise, you have to be married, yeah, you have to you have to do all these things.
• 46:28
  And basically at the end, I said, fuck that.
• 46:30
  I'm I'm gonna pick a few things and forget it.
• 46:32
  You know, like like it's impossible what we're supposed to do is just wild.
• 46:39
  And look good while you're doing it.
• 46:41
  And look good, and like you enjoy it, and then it's all effortless.
• 46:45
  So basically, the book is a bunch of stories that just totally blow the lid off of that.
• 46:51
  And that and that's resonating.
• 46:53
  And you can do both.
• 46:54
  You can love your kids, you can love your husband, but you can also hide in the car for an extra 30 minutes on TikTok because you don't want to go inside.
• 47:02
  Right.
• 47:03
  Two things can be true at once.
• 47:04
  Yes.
• 47:04
  That's what I said this morning to you and some other friends too.
• 47:08
  I'm like, it's you know, we don't get it all all the time.
• 47:12
  Yes.
• 47:13
  And you can be, yeah, I said to my husband recently, how can I love you so much?
• 47:17
  And also you're the most annoying person I've ever met.
• 47:20
  Like it's it's just marriage, right?
• 47:22
  It's marriage.
• 47:23
  And it's the same with parenting.
• 47:25
  I love the shit out of them, but they drive me crazy.
• 47:29
  So I think being a mom is all of that wrapped into one, and there's just no way that we're gonna be able to do all of that, look good, and enjoy every minute of it.
• 47:40
  So I think we should be just every bit of it.
• 47:42
  Yeah, we should just be honest about it.
• 47:44
  We love it sometimes, and sometimes it's awful.
• 47:46
  It's so true.
• 47:47
  What does whole family healing look like?
• 47:51
  Is that it?
• 47:51
  Just kind of acceptance or well, I mean, I think that probably relates mostly in my world to addiction and recovery.
• 48:00
  And it's very hard for somebody to heal and to get healthy if their family isn't getting healthy.
• 48:07
  You know, a lot of times these kids come, they learn all this stuff about themselves or an adult, and then they return home to either the wife or their family, and the family system remains the same, right?
• 48:20
  It doesn't mean that they're terrible or anything, but you know, you play a role in the family, and if everybody's not willing to take a look at themselves, it's very tough for the family to heal.
• 48:30
  Very true.
• 48:31
  That's true.
• 48:32
  And how do systems change in your work and what you've you know seen?
• 48:39
  Like, is it possible?
• 48:40
  Like, is it a 30-day plan?
• 48:42
  Is it a system or the steps or like how do systems change?
• 48:47
  Like getting people out of a rut, you know?
• 48:50
  Well, you know, back in the day it was a 30-day thing, you know, people went to treatment for 30 days.
• 48:54
  Actually, we founded the company based on the that being a flawed system.
• 48:58
  We founded the company because my husband was an interventionist, so he would intervene on someone, a family member typically.
• 49:06
  They'd go to treatment for 30 days, and then the family would call him and be like, what now?
• 49:11
  And there really wasn't a what now.
• 49:13
  So we started with an aftercare program.
• 49:16
  And so the what now was us, and we were gonna help you guide this person through the next year of their life.
• 49:22
  Um, over, you know, since 2008, we've basically filled all the holes where there were sort of missing pieces in the treatment um continuum.
• 49:31
  Did you both launch the company together?
• 49:34
  So it was his idea, a bad idea, I thought.
• 49:37
  So good thing he doesn't listen to me really.
• 49:38
  But um he became an interventionist, he was in finance, didn't really like it.
• 49:44
  We're both sober.
• 49:45
  So I think when you've fought this dragon and you get to the other side, there's just this yearning in you that you want to turn around and like help other people.
• 49:54
  So he had that idea, and then um he had an idea to keep growing it aftercare.
• 50:00
  All of the pieces have have really been his.
• 50:02
  And you were working together through the whole thing.
• 50:04
  Originally, it was just he and I, literally, the two of us, in a little tiny place that we rented on Federal Highway in Del Rey, a little office space, and we would just have people come in after treatment and kind of coach them on how to I mean, that's a dynamic in itself.
• 50:19
  Like with Tiffany and I working together, you know, that's from a parenting standpoint.
• 50:25
  It's wild.
• 50:26
  And also you find yourself just talking about work all the time.
• 50:30
  My son, I did this like stupid interview thing with him.
• 50:33
  He's 12, and I would say, like, what, you know, what's the most annoying thing I do, or what's this?
• 50:38
  I couldn't even post it because it was literally like, you know, I said, What's the word that I say the most that's annoying to you?
• 50:44
  And he said, Baker act, which is what you do when someone I was horrified.
• 50:49
  Like that, like, oh my gosh, I told Josh, we have to stop talking about work.
• 50:53
  It's like crazy.
• 50:54
  It needs to be baker acting.
• 50:55
  Yeah.
• 50:56
  I mean, it's just crazy.
• 50:57
  So um, yeah, I think we Does that actually even happen anymore?
• 51:01
  Yes, marchman act, baker acts really happen every day.
• 51:05
  Wow, it's because sometimes, you know, people are treatment resistant and they're a danger to themselves or others.
• 51:12
  I haven't heard that word in like ages.
• 51:14
  Yeah.
• 51:15
  No, and I feel like I feel like even though that's not necessarily our space, we do talk and hear about people, are definitely just so much more aware of why is there so much mental illness and why are, you know, why is this so prevalent?
• 51:32
  Even in the design.
• 51:33
  Well, it's in the news every day, isn't it?
• 51:34
  Well, that's true too.
• 51:36
  Well, I think one, you see it more, right?
• 51:38
  You hear about it more because there's so much social media.
• 51:41
  We're watching clips, we're watching this, we're watching that.
• 51:44
  I think the other part is that people are more open about their struggle, right?
• 51:48
  It's less shameful, still definitely shameful in some areas, but celebrities talk about it more, right?
• 51:57
  Like when I got sober at 27, I didn't know anybody that was sober.
• 52:01
  And my mom sent me an article from the New York Times about Ben Affleck getting sober.
• 52:05
  And I was like, oh, thank God somebody's doing it.
• 52:08
  But it wasn't popular.
• 52:09
  Now it's almost popular to get on the bandwagon of sobriety.
• 52:14
  Maybe it's based on health, right?
• 52:16
  You know.
• 52:17
  Um, so I think we hear about it more.
• 52:20
  Um, but also there's a lot of things contributing to the decline of mental health.
• 52:24
  Social media is one, but also just the pace of life, you know?
• 52:28
  Yeah, I think it's a lot has to do with the decline of this the family unit and totally being.
• 52:34
  I'm guilty of that.
• 52:34
  I feel like we eat dinner at the table maybe once a week.
• 52:37
  And that's like my son's like, well, how much longer do I have to sit here?
• 52:41
  You know, I grew up, we ate dinner at the table at seven table, same thing.
• 52:44
  Period.
• 52:45
  Me too.
• 52:45
  Yeah, we eat as a family every night, but we don't sit at the We got in a COVID move to the sofa.
• 52:51
  At least you're talking about it.
• 52:53
  Oh, but we're yeah, every night we are together as a family.
• 52:56
  And that's wonderful.
• 52:58
  Yeah.
• 52:59
  So I go back to like when I was a kid with my how my parents like you know, taught me.
• 53:05
  I want the same kind of yes, like always ate together, every did everything together.
• 53:11
  Yeah, I love that.
• 53:12
  You know, Tiffany makes sure like every weekend there's two or three things that we're doing as a family.
• 53:18
  And the kids are on board.
• 53:19
  Oh, yeah.
• 53:20
  Oh, yeah.
• 53:20
  Yeah.
• 53:21
  They are.
• 53:22
  You know, I Well, our kids are a little they're very much into music.
• 53:27
  They've created a band, so now they're performing.
• 53:30
  And we just came back from London where they recorded at Abbey Road Studios.
• 53:34
  Amazing.
• 53:34
  Original songs that they've written.
• 53:36
  So they're really focused on their music.
• 53:38
  All three of them are musical.
• 53:39
  Two of them are really like one of them, she wants to be the next Taylor Swift.
• 53:44
  I mean, that's where her focus is.
• 53:45
  Yeah, kind of Taylor Swift.
• 53:47
  She's got her own little version.
• 53:48
  Yeah, but I'm just saying she wants to be a successful musicalist.
• 53:51
  And she's she'll get in front of uh one person or a thousand people and perform with her guitar and singing.
• 53:58
  She has no stage fright and absolutely loves.
• 54:02
  What's interesting is that's just who she is, right?
• 54:05
  Like I always think parents think they're a great parent when they have one easy kid.
• 54:10
  And then once the second one comes along, and they're like, oh, none of them are I say that all the time.
• 54:16
  Yes.
• 54:17
  But they and I think we've really, Tiffany and I have focused on the fact that family is so important.
• 54:24
  Yes.
• 54:25
  You know, when I spent my television career, I had a very big production company.
• 54:29
  I created a show in 96 and 97 called Parenting and Beyond.
• 54:35
  Oh wow.
• 54:36
  It ran for 12 to 13 years.
• 54:39
  Yeah, before I was before I was a parent, yeah.
• 54:42
  But I saw I saw a a hole in a niche and I did a deal with a woman by the name of I don't know if you've heard of Cindy Williams.
• 54:49
  I looked her up this morning.
• 54:50
  Oh, did you?
• 54:51
  Yeah.
• 54:51
  So Cindy hosted the first show, and then I ended up getting hiring Kim Alexis, who was a big supermodel at the time, and then Josie Passett.
• 54:58
  So I had all these they were all moms.
• 55:02
  You know, and let's get the show back.
• 55:04
  I agree.
• 55:05
  Yeah, and I've got some more doing.
• 55:07
  I just said to Tiffany yesterday we were driving to the um the kids' school because they had a college simulation night.
• 55:16
  And driving there, and I said, you know, one of the people working for me just called me up saying they want to they want to bring parenting on beyond back.
• 55:23
  So we've had some conversations over the last few weeks for some networks called Baby on Board.
• 55:28
  Got it.
• 55:28
  Somebody said to me, that's a really old name.
• 55:31
  That's needs and they need cake for dinner.
• 55:33
  Baby on board is very old.
• 55:35
  Remember the signs that they put?
• 55:36
  Like baby boom, baby on board.
• 55:39
  And when you um pigeonhole it into which is why my book I think will hit, is because it's not pigeonholed into one stage of parenting, right?
• 55:49
  Because baby on board is young moms.
• 55:52
  That's what that says.
• 55:52
  But I think there's a lot of parents who want to be good parents, but don't know how.
• 55:58
  I get phone calls all day, every day.
• 55:59
  I'm sure.
• 56:00
  If I was organized, I would have like a group and a virtual thing.
• 56:03
  I just haven't gotten there.
• 56:04
  You're such a wealth of knowledge, though, of what you've experienced and the things you've heard, because some of us don't have that, like hear these things that when you're faced with it, you're like, wait, what do I do?
• 56:17
  Well, I don't know how to get anyone into Harvard.
• 56:19
  That's an area that I'm in.
• 56:21
  I think you're in a direction of what you're doing that I don't think not very far down the road, you could be like here in South Florida holding seminars or events.
• 56:31
  That's my goal.
• 56:32
  But I think you I I've been involved with a lot of different people who do that on a very big level.
• 56:38
  I think you're going you're going in that direction.
• 56:40
  I just with a little bit of really fine-tune exactly what my message is because most of my deliver is like, ah, you know, so people want people want answers.
• 56:51
  That would pay, even for like a weekend or you know, the Boca Hotel, you know, a thousand fam parents show up and it's a day of like eye-opening information that's enlightening.
• 57:04
  And oh my God, that was a great day.
• 57:06
  Yeah.
• 57:07
  Like we're gonna use this for the kids.
• 57:09
  Coach, coach parenting.
• 57:11
  Like a parenting workshop.
• 57:12
  Yeah, correct.
• 57:12
  Yeah, I would that's I mean, those are my dreams, guys.
• 57:15
  I know.
• 57:16
  I think you're I love the concept because ultimately, at the core of that, you're actually helping people.
• 57:22
  Oh, for sure.
• 57:23
  And that's really what I want to do.
• 57:26
  I mean, I want to have a New York Times bestseller.
• 57:28
  I want to interview with Oprah, I want to have workshops.
• 57:31
  Some days I wake up and I'm like, what are you doing?
• 57:34
  I'm I'm gonna be 52 tomorrow.
• 57:36
  No, it's like what are you doing?
• 57:38
  Happy birthday.
• 57:39
  Thank you.
• 57:39
  But it's also like, if not now, when?
• 57:42
  Correct.
• 57:42
  This is it.
• 57:43
  I kind of wish I was 40 and starting it so I had a longer runway.
• 57:47
  But at the same time, I didn't have as much experience as 40.
• 57:51
  Right.
• 57:51
  Right.
• 57:52
  So like the stuff I'm talking about is hard-earned wisdom.
• 57:56
  Right.
• 57:56
  There was no book.
• 57:58
  My master's in psychology did not help.
• 58:00
  I mean, it is from the trenches, right?
• 58:04
  So I don't think you can do it any younger.
• 58:06
  And I think that is the best way to obtain that wisdom is living it.
• 58:10
  Yeah.
• 58:10
  I'm you know, I'm gonna be like full gray by the end of all this wisdom, but so we just kind of answered my next question of what's next.
• 58:19
  You did mention dads.
• 58:22
  Yes.
• 58:22
  Um, yep, so I've added Cake for Dinner Dad Edition.
• 58:26
  I love that.
• 58:26
  Um I'm actually flying to LA soon to interview Spencer Pratt.
• 58:30
  Um love what he's doing.
• 58:32
  Yeah, he's really in the um, because really, if you look at all his even the politics stuff, it really is based on being a father.
• 58:39
  And common sense.
• 58:40
  Yeah.
• 58:41
  And so you're you reached out to him just through social media?
• 58:45
  So I got him through a friend of a friend.
• 58:48
  Like I also go on social media and I will figure out who knows who.
• 58:54
  You know, sometimes I will reach out to somebody and say, Hey, I'm coming to LA to interview this person.
• 59:01
  Do you want to, you know?
• 59:02
  So now that I have Jenny Garth, I'll ask other people, do you want to interview the same day Jenny Garth's interviewing?
• 59:07
  I mean, you have to use all of your things to climb.
• 59:11
  Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 59:12
  Where did that Hutzpah come from?
• 59:13
  That comes from being broke.
• 59:15
  That comes from that comes from the free lunch line.
• 59:17
  I I believe it to my core.
• 59:19
  I actually wrote um a chapter in the book called Um, Can You Manufacture Grit?
• 59:26
  Right?
• 59:26
  Because I attribute all of my Hutzpah, as you say, to really growing up with no money.
• 59:32
  I mean, if you want my my dad would also always tell us, the world owes you nothing.
• 59:37
  If you want something, you go make it happen.
• 59:39
  So, I mean, I feel like that's where it came from.
• 59:42
  So, how are my kids now going to be raised with resources, with nice cars, a nice home?
• 59:48
  You know, they're snowflakes.
• 59:50
  They don't know quite they don't know the grit.
• 59:52
  They don't have you know, my daughter um interestingly does have it, and it came from a total struggle with OCD and mental health and having to navigate that in the face of like social pressure.
• 1:00:05
  So um, not a fun way to get it.
• 1:00:08
  But I don't know that you get grit fun.
• 1:00:10
  No, and I try to like say that too in my own resonance of with my kids.
• 1:00:15
  Like the hard times grow you.
• 1:00:19
  Grow you.
• 1:00:19
  So the sooner you get growing, you know, and stomach these uncomfortable conversations and you know, make these uncomfortable decisions that are, you know, that you're kind of hiding behind, comes the growth.
• 1:00:33
  And the sooner you get to it, the more you can enjoy the successes.
• 1:00:36
  Which is interesting because we as parents know that, yet we still try and, you know, sugarcoat, sugarcoat and like rescue our kids.
• 1:00:47
  It's like it goes against everything in you, right?
• 1:00:50
  It's like I I want to say, you know, um, I let my kids experience failure, I let them experience adversity and look how much they've grown.
• 1:01:01
  The truth is, is I got in the way of that on almost every turn, right?
• 1:01:05
  And so, like, you're robbing them of the opportunity they need to grow.
• 1:01:10
  And you literally know you're doing it and you can't get a hold of yourself.
• 1:01:14
  You know, it's like my son will call me, he's upset because of this, that my my first reaction is how can I help fix it, manage that?
• 1:01:22
  Well, our parents didn't do that.
• 1:01:25
  And I think our kids would be better served having some struggles and failures, but I mean, I'm the first to tell you that I did not get that part right.
• 1:01:33
  So, my poor 12-year-old, I mean, this kid is like he's having a very different experience.
• 1:01:41
  Well, Keisha, thank you so much for joining us today.
• 1:01:44
  Thank you so much.
• 1:01:45
  I enjoyed this conversation so much.
• 1:01:47
  And tell our listeners, audience, where they can find you and hear more of all the website, your social Instagram.
• 1:01:56
  So my Instagram is at Keisha W.
• 1:01:59
  Scott, so it's K-E-E-S-H-A-W Scott.
• 1:02:02
  My website is um www.keishascott.com.
• 1:02:08
  And um yeah, that's pretty much the easiest place.
• 1:02:11
  In the book coming out?
• 1:02:12
  In the book will come out basically 11 months from now.
• 1:02:16
  Okay.
• 1:02:16
  So 2027, look at the cake for dinner.
• 1:02:19
  That's gonna be congratulations.
• 1:02:21
  And I'm gonna be having cake for dinner pop-ups along the way.
• 1:02:24
  So for the next 10 months, I'm gonna have pop-ups, you know, to really hope to unite the community of women and moms around this like concept of really being yourself and being authentic.
• 1:02:35
  And the podcast Cake for Dinner find pretty much.
• 1:02:38
  Pretty much everywhere that you'd find a podcast.
• 1:02:40
  Yeah, very active on YouTube, Apple, Spotify.
• 1:02:43
  We appreciate you coming and spending the the morning with us today.
• 1:02:46
  Thank you so much.
• 1:02:47
  This is a great conversation.
• 1:02:48
  Thank you.
• 1:02:49
  Thank you for listening.
• 1:02:50
  Have a great day.
• 1:02:53
  iDesign Labs Podcast is an SW Group production in association with the Five Star and TW Interiors.
• 1:03:00
  To learn more about iDesign Lab or TW Interiors, please visit TWInteriors.com.