Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / The Narcissist and their War of Attrition

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The Narcissist and their War of Attrition · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful folks?
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  What is the narcissist War of attrition The narcissist One of
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  my narcissist favorite tactics to get you to exhaust you to
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  wear you down. One of my narcissist favorite
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  tactics to control you. The war of attrition.
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  Diagnose Narcissist here to give you the perspective of a
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  diagnosed narcissist. And welcome to another episode
• 0:32
  of The Narcissist Code. Let's get it
• 0:51
  Boom. Welcome back folks.
• 0:55
  Welcome back. Welcome back.
• 0:56
  Yes, the narcissist and their war of attrition.
• 1:01
  That the tactic that so many narcissistic people use in order
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  to control you. Oof.
• 1:10
  Before we get too deep into today's episode y'all, you can
• 1:13
  find everything about me. My courses.
• 1:15
  I have two courses, my support group that I run in, my local
• 1:19
  events, my in person events that are coming up.
• 1:22
  Everything is available at mentalillness.net.
• 1:24
  Also my one on ones are resumed are still available at
• 1:27
  mentalillness.net as well. Check out the site.
• 1:30
  Let me know what you think. But what is the war of
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  attrition? I was live yesterday and I can't
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  remember who told me this. So shout out to you if you're
• 1:39
  here right now that mentioned this.
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  I was talking about how narcissists like to exhaust
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  people, how they just try to exhaust you, how to just try to
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  wear you down. If they have nothing else, they
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  would just keep fighting, fighting, fighting until you
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  just get tired and give in. That's what the war of attrition
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  is all about. You mean if you don't know what
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  it is? If you Google it, it says
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  attrition warfare or the war of attrition is a military strategy
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  consisting of belligerent attempts, belligerent attempts
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  to win a war by wearing down the enemy to the point of collapse.
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  This right here is what a lot of narcissistic people use right
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  here to control you. This is absolutely one of the
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  main tactics that narcissistic people use to try to control
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  you, to try to get you to give up, to try to get you to see the
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  world the way that they see the world, to try to get get you to
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  give in to their demands, whatever that looks like, right?
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  This is what they do. The war of attrition.
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  I tell you, I talk about this all the time.
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  How narcissistic people like to try to wear you down.
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  How they like to try to get you to just give in to their
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  demands, to try to give in to everything that they are looking
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  for. Like they want to wear you down.
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  They want to do this type of stuff.
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  They want to get you to just give up.
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  Like you try to give up. Matter of fact, this was last
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  night. Matter of fact, this was last
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  night on my Zoom, in my Zoom group.
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  I have a Zoom group that I run in my support group.
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  A lady said it in my support group.
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  She said, yeah, I'm say my narcissistic partner Jet or X.
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  My narcissistic X just keeps taking me back to court.
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  Like we, we just agreed on a settlement in court.
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  We just literally agreed on a court settlement, right?
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  Literally just agreed on one. And soon as the court, soon as
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  we left the court the next day, he was back filing appeals and
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  motions because to try to get her tired, to try to get her to
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  give it, to give in, like what's the exact lady?
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  He agreed to the stuff in court. But as soon as we got outside
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  the court, soon we started. I thought things are going to be
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  normal for a little while. The next day my attorney hits me
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  up and says like, hey, look, your ex, literally your ex
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  literally filed, just filed another motion today.
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  Your ex filed another motion today.
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  I know we agreed on everything yesterday, but they filed
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  another motion today and the ex doesn't have an attorney.
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  They're just doing everything pro SE.
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  They're just trying to, to try to get her to to like decrease,
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  like to waste her resources on going back to court for
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  frivolous things that they have already agreed upon.
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  This is what they do. They try to wear you down to the
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  point where you give in to what they want.
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  And guess what happens? Even if you give in to what they
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  want, it won't be enough. How crazy is that?
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  Even if you give them everything that they've been asking for,
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  everything that they've been pleading for, it still will not
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  be enough. It's crazy as hell.
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  It just absolutely is. They will try to wear you down,
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  They will try to wear you down to get anything that they want
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  to out of you. They will try to wear you down
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  to get you to give in and then when you give in, they ask for
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  more. You like damn, I just agreed to
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  everything that you wanted and you want more.
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  What the hell else do you want from me?
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  Sometimes they just want you to be tired.
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  They absolutely do. They just want you to be tired.
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  They want you to give in to their demands.
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  Going through this right now. You see, I think you might be
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  talking to somebody else. Yeah.
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  You going. Like, sometimes they just want
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  you to be tired and give in and give up.
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  Sometimes they're just so angry at you.
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  They just want to make your life harder.
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  They don't even. Look, sometimes they don't even
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  have a list of demands. They don't even have a list of
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  demands. They just want to make your life
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  harder because you decided to leave them.
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  Or even if they left you, they want you to allow them back into
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  your space because you're standing up for yourself.
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  What do you say? They they want your soul, like
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  Shang Sung for Mortal Kombat, Your soul, it's mine.
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  But that's what they do. They want.
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  Who's it there? Hannah said.
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  They want your attention, Absolutely.
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  They want all of this stuff from you, and the crazy thing about
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  it is it still will never be enough.
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  It's absolutely insane that they want all of this stuff from you
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  and it still won't be enough. They want to drain you dry of
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  all your resources and then when you have no resources, then you
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  want to stop the fighting. They'll find something else to
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  fight about. They are never satisfied.
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  Sometimes they get pleasure in giving you pain.
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  That's the sadistic nature of some narcissistic people.
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  They get pleasure by bringing pain to you.
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  They get pleasure by by by doing this type of stuff to you.
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  They get pleasure by trying to drain you dry and things of that
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  nature. This is what they do.
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  She did me a favor and she left me.
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  Yes, like I said, sometimes even if they leave you, they will
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  still spin the block and try to make your life harder.
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  They just will, you know they will.
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  Sometimes they will still spin the block like the like the
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  young folks say. You know, they will still spin
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  the block like the young folks say.
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  And still I'm trying to make your life harder.
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  Even if they left you, like even if they've left you, they might
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  still try to make your life hard just for general purposes, just
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  for GP, as people say, you know, because they want to, because
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  they they don't have anything else going for them.
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  Well, I'm bored anyway, so I might as well do this.
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  You know? I'm bored anyway.
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  Might as well make your life harder.
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  My feelings are hurt, so I need to make your life harder.
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  Doesn't that sound crazy as hell?
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  You hurt my feelings, so I have to make your life harder.
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  That's insane. Yes, absolutely.
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  I mean, the, the, the ego is unbelievable.
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  It really, really is absolutely amazing at playing the victim.
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  Absolutely, She said. I have a lawyer and they're pro
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  SE. And they're pro SE still wanting
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  everything. Yep.
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  I gave up the house. I just put up 65K of cash into
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  renovating. Now.
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  They want the car. Never enough.
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  Yeah. And when you get a car, they're
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  going to want more custody. They want, they want more of
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  this. They want, they always want
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  something more because it's not even about what they want.
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  It's just about bringing you pain and causing you disarray.
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  Sometimes this war of attrition, they just it allows them some
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  type of access to you because if once the war stops, they might
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  not have any access to you. Once the court dates stop, once
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  the text message is stopped, once the restraining order is in
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  place, sometimes they still they don't, there's no more access,
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  right? If there's no more access,
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  you're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome.
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  Absolutely there's no more access.
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  So some of them, like I said, it's not always about having
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  kids and going to custody court, right?
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  This could just be going through divorce with no kids.
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  This could just be going through a breakup and y'all don't, y'all
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  don't even have anything together.
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  The war of attrition of trying to exhaust you absolutely
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  sometimes can just be about causing you pain, just blowing
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  your phone up, getting you to give in.
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  You're trying to look, you're trying to heal and go no
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  contact. They're blowing your damn phones
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  up to try to make your life harder because their feelings
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  are hurt, because they're angry, because their feelings are hurt.
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  And this is that they're trying to just cause chaos and bring
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  disarray to your life because they're unhappy with themselves,
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  right? They're absolutely just just
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  they're absolutely unhappy with themselves.
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  Had to start over with five months N free.
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  There you go. Power up, girl, power up.
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  This is what happens. He uses our daughter to get to
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  me trying to wear you down through the kids.
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  Does he realize I don't care? Sometimes they don't even care
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  if you don't care. They just doing it for they do
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  it because they care, right? Sometimes they think they're
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  going to affect you, like even if you're, even if you don't
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  care, even if you're not hurting and or you're in any pain, they
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  assume you are. You look, look at you're trying
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  to act tough. I'm going to make your life
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  harder today. How insane is that?
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  Y'all? It's crazy to have to deal with
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  somebody who acts like this, who behaves like this, and all
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  you're trying to do is move on. All you're trying to do is love
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  yourself. All you're trying to do is heal
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  and grow and thrive and this is what you get.
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  This is the things you get for dealing with this abusive, the
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  abusive, manipulative person. It's crazy, you know, it's
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  absolutely crazy. It's mind boggling when you're
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  dealing with this type of person.
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  Oh my God, I'm going through that.
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  Yep. I'm just telling you, they will
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  try to wear you down. They absolutely will.
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  You know, it just absolutely it will.
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  Why is he telling my daughter he is on a notification when he
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  hasn't paid child support in three months?
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  It's taken off. I'm just telling you because he
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  wants to get back to you. He knows your daughter's going
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  to tell you, so it gets back to you.
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  So you feel like he's just going.
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  He's just skirting the system now.
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  I don't know if he. I don't know if it's court
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  ordered child support, but somehow you might want to go to
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  the courts. And then he'll get mad just
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  like, wow, you're a gold digger. You only want me for my money.
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  I ain't paying you rent. I ain't paying your bills.
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  Yeah, I ain't paying liquor. Child support.
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  But I got to live too, right? I got to live too, huh?
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  Huh. That's crazy.
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  It absolutely is crazy, you know, but sometimes you got to,
• 11:18
  I don't know if you can enforce the Child Support thing, but
• 11:19
  this is going on right there. Y'all, you know it just like
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  this is the space. You know, they're actually lien
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  on his bank account, right? He getting paid under the table
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  might be some taxes, right? There might even might be some
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  tax fraud going on there getting paid under the table.
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  They want to call the IRS before they fire all the agents.
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  You see what I'm saying? Might want to call the IRS
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  before they fire all the agents and make it more difficult for
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  people. They get pretty sneaky and
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  desperate. Yeah, they get desperate and
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  they want to wear you down y'all.
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  So they're going to end the chat section of this.
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  That's going to end my I got a few minutes for to take a couple
• 11:54
  questions y'all. Got a couple questions I can
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  answer real quick. If you don't know, like I said,
• 11:58
  everything about me is available at mentalillness.net.
• 12:01
  My one-on-one coaching. Everything is available at
• 12:03
  mentalillness.net. But also this weekend we'll be
• 12:06
  in St. Louis, MO for our in person
• 12:10
  workshop event. Y'all, our next in person
• 12:13
  workshop Q&A is in St. Louis, MO this Saturday, April
• 12:19
  the 5th. St.
• 12:19
  Louis, MO right here. Y'all see it right here, St.
• 12:23
  Louis, MO on April the 5th and in Durham, NC on April the 12th.
• 12:29
  Doo Doo Doo you go to you can go look me and NIA in person
• 12:33
  workshops. This Is Us right here.
• 12:35
  These are hot. Look, people come to these
• 12:37
  workshops. I know people sometimes we
• 12:38
  might. I'm going to be out of place
• 12:40
  there. No, there's other people going
• 12:41
  to be there. There's a healing, thriving
• 12:43
  environment. Four days, four days and 414
• 12:46
  hours to register for Saint Louis and then next weekend,
• 12:49
  April 12th will be in Durham. So check that out.
• 12:51
  Y'all Mental illness.net/events to check that out live and in
• 12:56
  person if you haven't heard about it just yet and whatnot.
• 13:01
  So if y'all coming, ATL is later on this year, I saw somebody say
• 13:05
  Atlanta ATL is later on this year.
• 13:08
  He's trying to get, he's trying to notarize an agreement for the
• 13:10
  kids, but he don't want to take it to court.
• 13:12
  Only worry about himself. Yep.
• 13:14
  Only worry about himself. Says you pay for the kids, you
• 13:17
  make more money. Yep.
• 13:17
  There you go. I can have kids, but I don't
• 13:21
  want to take care of them. The workshops look really nice.
• 13:23
  Yeah, their, their workshops are fun, y'all.
• 13:24
  They're they're exhilarating. They're fun.
• 13:26
  I'll drop the link in the comments right here.
• 13:28
  It's Mental illness.net/events to get registered for the the
• 13:32
  workshops y'all and whatnot and all the other stuff.
• 13:36
  Like I said, I also my everything is available y'all at
• 13:39
  mentalillness.net my e-mail is there, everything is available.
• 13:42
  My my newsletter, everything is at mentalillness.net everything
• 13:46
  is there. I'm in deep and I need help
• 13:54
  ASAP. What's going on?
• 13:55
  I don't got a few more seconds to answer some questions what
• 13:57
  not, but I'm just scrolling through.
• 14:02
  Why does our toxic X keep coming back when they are drunk and
• 14:05
  they're and they have new supply.
• 14:06
  If they feel like if if they are allowed to come back, if they're
• 14:09
  allowed to contact you, that's why if they think the door is
• 14:12
  still open, they'll come back to you.
• 14:14
  You know what I'm saying They'll come back to you and whatnot and
• 14:17
  so on and so forth. They will keep doing the type of
• 14:20
  stuff right there anyway. Y'all, I got to hop off this
• 14:24
  thing everything again. Y'all my my everything again is
• 14:29
  available at mentalillness.net. I have courses about how how to
• 14:32
  break the trauma bond, how to leave these types of
• 14:34
  relationships. Everything is at
• 14:35
  mentalillness.net my support group to get around people that
• 14:38
  understand what you've been through.
• 14:40
  Mental illness.net. Y'all be safe, take care of
• 14:43
  yourselves and as always, y'all mental illness is out.
• 14:46
  Peace out my chest.