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How Narcissists FEEL It When You Thrive After the Breakup · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're talking about how narcissists feel after you
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  thrive, after the breakup, when you're thriving.
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  How do they feel it? Can they feel it like the
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  narcissist 6th sense? Why?
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  Why They almost always seem to pop up or reach out when you're
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  healing and growing and doing the best that you've ever done.
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  Why? What?
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  What? I'm getting heated just thinking
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  about it. Y'all, if you're new here, my
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  name is Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Let's go. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes. Why is this damn near always the
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  truth, right? Why do narcissistic people,
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  toxic people, almost always seem to reach out to you like when
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  you're healing and you're growing, when you're thriving
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  after the breakup, regardless of who broke up with who,
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  regardless of how it ended, Why? It's like, it's like they have a
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  sixth sense. And I talk to people about this
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  all the time too, right? This is one of the conversations
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  I have with a lot of people about how narcissistic people,
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  then they're always seem to pop up when you're healing and
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  you're growing and whatnot, y'all?
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  This is the truth. You know, as you're healing and
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  you understand how narcissistic people operate, you come to
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  understand that they can. It's like them.
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  They could, they could feel it. They can feel it when you're
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  healing. They can feel it.
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  Like seriously. Yeah, so, so seriously.
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  I do feel like it's a sixth sense.
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  It's like when you're healing and moving on, you, you, you go
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  no contact. You've been months without
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  speaking to this person. You haven't dealt with this
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  person at all. You haven't talked to them.
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  And like the narcissist is like, imagine the narcissist waking up
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  from their, their like narcissistic hibernation, like
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  their slumber. They're sleeping in a a little
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  narcissistic cave. They're like, hold on, they
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  feasted on a lot of impacts. They're nice, fat, living in The
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  Cave or under a house and some insulation like a bear.
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  Wait a minute, they're doing good right now.
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  Hell no, Let me. Let me reach out to them.
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  They haven't contacted me, so they must be doing good.
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  They must have moved on. Hell, now I can't stand this
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  feeling. So some of them will wake up
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  from their little hibernation and reach out to you to bring
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  chaos into your life, right. This happens a lot of times when
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  you're dealing with an let's be real, this happens so much when
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  you're dealing with a narcissist.
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  It just, it's one of those things that happens so much when
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  you're dealing with an abusive, manipulative person.
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  They continue to come back into your life.
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  They continue to dabble and mess with your head.
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  They do all of this stuff when you're healing and This is why
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  you have to fight. This is like a test.
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  It's like, it's like damn near, I don't know if y'all, you don't
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  have to be a believer to believe this right here, but if you're a
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  believer, it's kind of like somebody's testing you.
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  Somebody's testing you from above or below, right above or
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  below. What's going to test you to see
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  if you go see, see how much you see how much you heal right?
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  They'll they'll try to come back into your life to disrupt your
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  peace, to disrupt your healing, to be in to be an agent of
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  chaos. Like Sarah just said, to test
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  the waters. Absolutely.
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  They'll come back to try to test the waters.
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  A lot of times I saw, I saw a post one time like they, they
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  said sometimes they, they, you're toxic.
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  X sometimes reaches out to you to see if you're still stupid.
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  I saw a post like that on I think it was a Twitter.
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  So don't like if they they don't like it when you're thriving,
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  right? Narcissists feel bad when you're
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  thriving after a relationship after breakup.
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  That's just the truth, right? That's really is just the truth.
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  They feel bad after you after the breakup and you're thriving
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  because it makes them feel less than you like in the crazy muddy
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  as y'all. When I say thriving after the
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  breakup, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to move on to
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  someone else, right? It doesn't mean that you have to
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  be in a new relationship, right? It doesn't mean that you have to
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  be in a new relationship and whatnot.
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  Like seriously, like you can be thriving on your own and healing
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  on your own and doing well, and that's thriving, right?
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  And that is absolutely thriving. They don't want you to thrive
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  because you're thriving makes them feel bad about themselves.
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  Your healing makes them feel bad about themselves.
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  Like especially if you're doing better, like if you do happen to
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  move on, they're always doing and they find out you moved on
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  and they know or hear, they know or hear about your partner.
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  Some of them will absolutely start stalking your partner,
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  reaching out, doing it, doing this like compare and contrast
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  game in their heads to kind of see what's going on.
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  Like seriously, they'll do this compare and contrast stuff to
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  kind of see what's going on, to see how they measure up against
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  the new person in your life. A lot of them will continuously
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  do this type of stuff because they feel less than, they don't
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  want to feel like it. It hurts their ego when you move
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  on. And moving on doesn't mean that
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  you have someone else out. Moving on means you're no
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  contact. Moving on means you're healing.
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  Moving on means you're growing. It doesn't mean that you are in
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  a new relationship. Don't confuse moving on with
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  necessarily being in a new relationship.
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  That doesn't have to. The two things do not have to be
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  mutually inclusive. 11 can exist without the other right?
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  You can move on without being in a new relationship.
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  You can be thriving without being in a new relationship.
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  You absolutely can. And that's just one of the
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  truths right there and it happens.
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  So as you're moving forward, as you're healing, and as you're
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  growing, this is one of the things you have to understand.
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  If y'all see the link on the screen, this is my website right
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  here. People keep asking me about
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  doing one on ones and coaching and whatnot.
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  I've been doing this for almost five years.
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  The link is right here, Mental illness.net for coaching courses
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  of my support group. Everything is available at
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  mentalillness.net right here. I'll actually put it in the
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  comment section as well so y'all can check the link out and
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  whatnot. But this is what happens.
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  Like they don't want you to heal.
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  Like your healing your thriving makes them feel bad about
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  themselves, so why would they want you to heal, right?
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  Ask yourself that question right there.
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  Why would they want you to heal and thrive when it makes them
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  feel less that when it makes them When it makes them question
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  their own worth or value? They don't want you to heal
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  because of that right there. Your healing makes them question
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  what they're worth. It makes them question their own
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  value. Like damn, I don't how you know,
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  how much am I worth right here, right?
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  How much am I, how, how valuable can I be?
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  If this person is doing is treating me like this?
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  How how much am I worth? You know, so they, they want you
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  to question your worth and value and they also, if enough time
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  has went by, if enough time has went by, you might think that
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  they've changed. But if you're thriving and
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  growing, that when that narcissist 6th sense kicks in
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  and they go, they come out of their narcissistic hibernation
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  or there's, there's, there's slumber.
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  They're going to test you. They're going to like a lot of
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  times if they reach out to you, they're going to say all the
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  right things, Y'all, they're going to say all the right
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  things. They're going to say everything
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  that you've been wanting to hear, right?
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  That's how it always goes. You know, that's literally how
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  it always goes and whatnot. Does that force them to take
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  accountability? Absolutely.
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  No, it doesn't. No, that doesn't force them to
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  take accountability. No.
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  If they're telling you what? Yeah, that's true.
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  God determines your work. If they're telling you what you
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  want to hear, that doesn't force them to take accountability.
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  That's just them trying to get back into get back into your
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  good graces. My head is itching like hell.
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  Yeah, I'm sorry. Like this is.
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  That's just them trying to get back into your good graces.
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  Doesn't mean that they're actually changing their
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  behaviors. They'll tell you whatever.
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  Yeah, they would. Absolutely tell you what you
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  want to hear, right, because it benefits at the end of the day,
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  it benefits them directly. So they're going to keep telling
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  you what you want to hear. So when that when that
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  narcissist 6th sense kicks in, that's part of what you have to
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  understand. You have to fight it.
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  Like so a lot of y'all believe in divine intervention.
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  Y'all might be believers and whatnot.
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  You might be believers and all this other stuff.
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  And then you can't come out of nowhere.
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  You might be praying one night, right?
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  You might be praying the Lord, you might be praying to God like
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  dear baby Jesus deer, 8 LB six ounce sweet baby Jesus with your
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  little Jesus feet, your little Jesus arms.
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  Please send me a sign that I'm healing and groans.
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  Please send me a sign. And then your narcissistic ex
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  happens to reach out to you the next day.
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  He'd be like, that's the sign I was looking for.
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  No, it's not. That's not the sign you were
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  looking for it. It absolutely is not the sign
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  you were looking for. You know, it absolutely is not
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  the sign that you're looking for.
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  Sometimes you have to force them to leave you alone.
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  You might have to call the police, fire restraining orders.
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  Do what you need to do, but always use discretion and be
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  careful, right? You know, because that's they,
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  they, I'm just telling you, they are going to make you tell them
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  no. And if they still have access to
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  these, a lot of people ask me like, why do they keep coming
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  back? Why don't they leave me alone?
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  If they literally keep coming back into your life and you
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  don't tell them to leave you alone because some people don't
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  tell them. Some people just don't tell them
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  to leave them alone. Why would they stop leaving you
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  alone when they think that you're OK with it?
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  You know, that's why I tell people.
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  I tell people in my support group, they're like, until you
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  stand up for yourself, they're going to keep coming back into
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  your life. They're going, they might not
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  leave you alone even after you tell them to leave you alone,
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  but at least you said it. If you don't say it, why would
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  they leave you alone? That's the that's the mentality.
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  If you don't tell me to leave you alone, then I'm not going to
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  leave you alone until I get my needs met.
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  You know, I say this all the time right here, Sir.
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  What you allow is what will continue.
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  That's not victim blaming. That's an honest statement right
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  there. Some people like that's victim
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  blaming. Oh, it is.
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  It's it's the honest truth. If you keep allowing them into
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  your space, into your life and having access to you, then
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  they're going to keep coming back into your life because they
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  think it's OK. Why wouldn't?
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  Yeah, seriously, why wouldn't they think it's OK?
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  You know, if you go to the black and white thinking of a lot of
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  narcissists, if you let me back into your life, if you don't
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  tell me to leave you alone, if you don't block me, if you don't
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  go no contact, if you keep talking to me over and over
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  again, why would I leave you alone?
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  I think you like this. I think you want this, right?
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  I think you want this. So they're not going to leave
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  you alone. A lot of times, they'll keep
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  playing the victim. They'll keep doing this stuff
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  over and over again because they feel like it's a great benefit
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  in it for them, right? And they hate it.
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  So what? What?
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  But when you keep no contact, you win.
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  Yeah. No contact is for you.
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  No contact is not to no contact is not to punish the narcissist.
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  No contact is not to hurt them. No contact is to help you heal,
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  is to help you thrive, is to help you move forward.
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  And narcissists can sense when you, when you start to reach out
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  less because like a lot of times, a lot of people you don't
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  like going no contact totally can help you out, right?
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  But a lot, sometimes it takes, it takes a while to build up.
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  Going no contact is like literally like working out.
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  You have to, I call it, I call it the no contact muscle, right?
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  It's the no contact muscle. You got to work it out day one,
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  day 2, It's like you do the reps day three, day 4, Now you're the
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  overhead, press overhead, no contact, press 5657, pump, 80910
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  days, no contact. You got to, you got to, you
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  literally have to work it out. You have to empower yourself
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  because if you don't, they're just going to take advantage of
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  you. They're going to keep coming
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  back into your life. Yeah, that becomes a part of it
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  right there. You know, at the end of the day,
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  it's not about winning or losing.
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  I mean, that could, if that helps you out right there.
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  Sometimes you have to, well, I tell people, sometimes you have
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  to reframe what winning looks like for you, right?
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  What winning looks like for you, Right.
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  Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
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  No contact for 53 days. Yeah, good for you.
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  But like I said, they don't want to see you thrive.
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  Y'all, You're thriving. It makes them feel bad.
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  You're. Yeah.
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  How about this right here, Y'all?
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  You're thriving. Is there karma?
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  How about that? What's going on with you, Lisa?
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  How about that? You're thriving.
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  You moving on? You moving forward.
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  Is there karma? Why can't that be the truth
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  right there, right. You know, yes, most narcissists
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  are absolutely insecure. They have these, a lot of
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  narcissists have these huge inflated egos, but it's like a
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  huge fragile ego. It's like a big ass pane of
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  glass. You know, it's big, but it's
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  easy to break. All it takes is a Little Rock,
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  right? All it takes is a Little Rock.
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  But this is the space that so many people fall into, y'all.
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  They don't want to see you thriving.
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  So just thrive now, dude. Look, one way to to heal and to
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  just say bump the narcissist, your narcissist, the ex, it's to
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  go out and do all the things that they told you you could not
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  do the things that you the things that they said you can't
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  do. Go out there and do.
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  They didn't want you to thrive unless they can take credit for
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  us to go out there and do it. They told you, no, you cannot
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  thrive. No, you're not with them
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  anymore. The narcissist, no, isn't kind
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  of like you meditating. The narcissist is no longer with
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  us. It's like they like you're doing
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  a little Ouija board, a little little empathetic Ouija board,
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  like your hands are going everywhere.
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  Oh, is anybody moving this or is he moving on his own?
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  The narcissist is the narcissist with us.
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  Is it narcissist with us no longer here?
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  It's gone. Hey, anyway, but that's this
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  little Ouija board. Imagine that right there,
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  though. Seriously.
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  They don't they don't want to see you thrive, y'all.
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  They might they might use this sixth sense to try to control
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  that Ouija board. Tell you how to tell you to
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  reach out to them, tell you to contact them, right?
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  Tell you to tell you to come back into their life.
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  You have to protect yourself. Who The Who said this?
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  How dangerous are they? Some of them will end your life.
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  That's how dangerous they can get.
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  That's how dangerous they can get right Karma's with you yeah,
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  the narc in my life is fixing to get sentenced because the third
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  DUI need he need to get sentenced. 3 DU is you know go
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  in, go in and sit your ass down buddy.
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  Go and sit your ass down for you take somebody else out of here
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  with the drinking. I would definitely tell my new
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  partner also to know to block to no block contact the ex
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  narcissist. So they want yeah, I mean yeah,
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  they help us. They can help you out right
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  there. Y'all, they can help you out in
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  these spaces right here, bro. Damn fool.
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  I just got the intro. Yeah, I'm just silly.
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  I was just seeing y'all. This is the mindset.
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  They don't want you to win, right?
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  Because you're winning hurts them, especially if you're not.
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  If y'all are not together, they'll start feeling like,
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  look, in order to make themselves feel better about you
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  leaving them, some narcissistic people will actually start to
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  just say, hey, look, you're only winning because of me.
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  I knew you. I knew you could do it.
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  You mean I knew you could do it. I knew you could.
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  I, I I was rooting for you. You you were rooting for me by
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  while you were actively holding me back.
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  Get the hell out of here. They will lie.
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  They will lie since finding you. I follow closely.
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  You should know that you're the absolute best information about.
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  Oh, yeah, I appreciate that. Not not to mention easy to look
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  at. Oh, if I would see if I wasn't
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  black, I'd be blessing right now.
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  Appreciate it. I appreciate the support for for
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  seriously, why did block? Why block you then unblock you
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  and threaten to block you? Might as well go ahead and block
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  them. It's a game, y'all.
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  It's a game. I do a little question to answer
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  real quick before I have to hop off y'all, but it's absolutely a
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  game. It really, really is.
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  It's a game. They play game.
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  They play these weird ass games with you because they feel like
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  it's a benefit to block you, unblock you.
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  It's like they're trying to control you and get inside of
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  your head. Yeah, this is what a lot of them
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  would do. Yes, they will lie through their
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  teeth. Yes, through, through.
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  I used to have a gap right here till I got it till I got these.
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  These crowns lie through the gap right in their mouth.
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  They lie through their teeth even They lie through their
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  teeth even if there's no gap. The voodoo doll cracks me up
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  more than the Ouija board. Yeah, sometimes.
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  Look, if y'all ever break up with your narcissistic ex,
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  right? If y'all ever break up with
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  them, you leave them, right? Do not leave a lock of your hair
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  behind. Take outlook, vacuum it.
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  Get somebody to come cleanse the apartment because they will put
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  your, they will take a, a tuft of your hair and put it on a
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  little voodoo doll and start fucking with you.
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  Don't let them do that. Y'all don't let them do that.
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  Yes, they always flip the script.
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  I'm on the separation divorce process.
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  Impossible to block, but the boundaries must be high and firm
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  if they want to trap you again with grim words.
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  Yo, yeah, they, they absolutely want to trap, try to trap you
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  again. Y'all do not let them come back
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  into your life because the more you let them come back, the
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  worse they'll treat you. You know, I know people have
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  this, you have it in your minds. They're like, well, maybe this
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  maybe this time will be different.
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  Why would this time be different?
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  You know, I feel like in their minds, they don't think it's it
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  needs to be different because you accepted me when it wasn't
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  different. You accepted me when things you
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  accepted me when things were bad.
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  So it's like I don't need things don't necessarily need to be
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  different because you accepted me while they were bad.
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  So that can be the mentality of it as well, right?
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  You mean or narcs depressed? I, I have, you know, I have
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  clinical depression. So I don't know if every
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  narcissist is depressed, but I would say a lot of narcissists
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  suffer from, some suffer from some type of depression.
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  I would say yes. He's still coming for me 14
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  months after divorce. He really cannot stand and see
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  me. Oh yeah, they want to see you
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  happy again. They don't want to see you
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  thriving you too. They don't want to see you
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  thriving after the relationship because it makes them feel bad.
• 17:53
  They a lot of times they claim ownership of you, right?
• 17:57
  And because they're claiming it's own ownership of you, they
• 17:59
  don't like say, because they claim the ownership of you, they
• 18:02
  don't think you deserve to be happy without them.
• 18:05
  Like nobody gets to play with you, nobody gets to mess with
• 18:07
  you. It's kind of like they thank you
• 18:09
  a toy or whatever. So they claim this weird type of
• 18:12
  ownership over you to keep messing with your head in order
• 18:14
  to try to get you to keep coming back and forth to them.
• 18:17
  And like, if y'all have kids together, they're definitely
• 18:19
  trying to spread rumors to the kids to try to love bomb your
• 18:21
  kids, try to turn the kids against you.
• 18:23
  They'll keep messing with you. This is one of the things that
• 18:25
  they do. They'll keep messing with you.
• 18:27
  They'll do stuff like this over and over again because they're
• 18:29
  in their in their minds, it's a benefit to keep messing with
• 18:31
  you, right to do the good advice as always, appreciate it.
• 18:37
  Coercion common with narcissists?
• 18:38
  Yes, yes, actual coercion. It could be common with.
• 18:41
  It could be common with a lot of narcissistic people.
• 18:43
  Not every single one of them, of course, because No2 narcissists
• 18:45
  are the same. But it could be, you know,
• 18:48
  common commonality right there. He told our son he spent 20 K on
• 18:54
  his attorneys to keep me in court for the next two years.
• 18:56
  Is that true? What, is he lying to your kid?
• 18:59
  Why would he tell you something that like, this is weird right
• 19:01
  there. They, they tell, tell the kids
• 19:02
  that type of stuff is weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 19:06
  My, yeah. My courses, my community,
• 19:08
  everything, everything. Courses, support group,
• 19:11
  everything is available at mentalillness.net right here.
• 19:13
  Yeah. Mental illness.net.
• 19:17
  They feel your successes are also theirs.
• 19:19
  Yes. If they can't take credit for
• 19:20
  your success, they try to hold you back from it, right.
• 19:23
  They try to take, they try to hold you back from this type of
• 19:26
  stuff right here. Do all narcissists cheat?
• 19:28
  So I can't speak for every single narcissist, but I say I
• 19:31
  would say most narcissists cheat.
• 19:32
  I don't think all narcissists cheat.
• 19:34
  You know, there are people going to just, like, lead us a lie.
• 19:36
  All of them cheat. Yeah, we don't.
• 19:37
  We haven't met or known every single narcissist.
• 19:39
  Some narcissists don't have the ability to cheat, right?
• 19:41
  Would they cheat? They could.
• 19:42
  Some of them, yeah. I don't think all narcissists
• 19:44
  cheat. Yeah, but I do have to hop off
• 19:46
  this thing. Y'all coaching courses,
• 19:47
  everything available at mentalillness.net.
• 19:49
  Y'all be safe, take care of yourself, take care of each
• 19:51
  other. Hit the subscribe button if you
• 19:53
  haven't already, y'all. I appreciate appreciate y'all
• 19:56
  rocking with me. I will.
• 19:58
  We'll be in touch. Peace, Oh.