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124 | Felonious Gulls · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: You want to hear some dumb shit, eric?
• 0:03
  Eric: Yes, so there I am.
• 0:05
  Eric: It is like 10 o'clock at night.
• 0:07
  Eric: I am in my cups.
• 0:10
  Eric: Yes, yes, that goes without saying Eric Wink.
• 0:13
  Eric: It goes without saying, and one of the things that I most treasure and value about my partner.
• 0:24
  Matt: Talk about me oh oh, sorry.
• 0:26
  Eric: Uh, one of the things that most treasure about Alyssa is that she will, she will and I know this is coming from me come out of left field with some wild ass questions.
• 0:39
  Matt: Eric to be a fly on the wall in this house.
• 0:41
  Eric: continue, dog we're we're sitting there and Alyssa we're talking about movies, and at one point we're talking about, like 2001, a Space Odyssey or something like that.
• 0:52
  Eric: And Alyssa just asked what is Stanley Kubrick sound like?
• 0:58
  Eric: Okay, so I realized in that moment I didn't know what Stanley, what stanley sounds like.
• 1:05
  Eric: I've never heard him speak, so I just so.
• 1:08
  Eric: This matt I now present to you is my rendition of stanley kubrick, have you?
• 1:13
  Matt: looked.
• 1:14
  Matt: Is this based on?
• 1:15
  Matt: Just?
• 1:16
  Matt: Have you done any research into what stanley kubrick sounds like?
• 1:19
  Matt: You are just guessing uh, yeah, I, I.
• 1:21
  Eric: I just I just kind of swung for the fences, perfect perfect I, I just want to know what to anticipate and I'm going to set the scene.
• 1:28
  Eric: Here you are watching 2001, a space odyssey, with the director commentary turned on 2001, a Space Odyssey.
• 1:46
  Eric: Hi, I'm Stanley Kubrick.
• 1:49
  Eric: I'm just pleased as punch that you're watching my movie.
• 1:53
  Stanley Kubrick: Why don't y'all come on down, sit down, watch a movie?
• 1:56
  Eric: with me Now.
• 1:57
  Eric: See something you ought to know about the start of this here film.
• 2:01
  Eric: Originally I just wanted the film to be about the monkeys.
• 2:04
  Eric: The start of this here film.
• 2:04
  Eric: Originally I just wanted the film to be about the monkeys, but then they told me that this movie gotta be three hours long.
• 2:10
  Eric: So then I was like, well, we gotta think of something.
• 2:13
  Eric: We just can't have the little monkeys run.
• 2:15
  Eric: And did you know?
• 2:17
  Eric: Did you know?
• 2:18
  Eric: They ain't real monkeys.
• 2:21
  Stanley Kubrick: No them's my friends.
• 2:23
  Eric: They just running around in their little monkey suits having a ball.
• 2:26
  Eric: I proceeded to riff like that for like an hour and a half jesus christ, jesus christ, how?
• 2:42
  Matt: please tell me that was no one in the room's first viewing of 2001.
• 2:46
  Eric: No, no, no, no, no, goodness, no Jeez Okay.
• 2:53
  Matt: Obviously that was impactful.
• 2:56
  Eric: Oh, thank you, thank you.
• 2:58
  Matt: I am not going to.
• 2:59
  Matt: I thought briefly about introducing to you what Stanley Kubrick sounds like, but no.
• 3:06
  Stanley Kubrick: Don't spoil it.
• 3:08
  Matt: Why spoil it?
• 3:09
  Matt: And also I love that you also changed his famously bristly personality.
• 3:16
  Eric: Oh yeah, yeah, Because by every indication apparently Stanley Kubrick's a massive dick.
• 3:23
  Matt: He's a genius.
• 3:24
  Matt: He is obviously a genius, a trailblazer and, I think, one of the most problematic assholes in cinematic history.
• 3:33
  Eric: So I feel like what I bring to the character is like a fresh take.
• 3:37
  Eric: Oh hey, amelia, sorry, just quick cameo by my cat walking across my desk.
• 3:43
  Eric: That's Amelia Bedelia.
• 3:44
  Eric: She's my perfect little princess.
• 3:45
  Eric: But back to Stanley Kubrick, yeah, and like I just sort of kind of started weaving At a certain point, I wasn't even talking about 2001, a Space Odyssey anymore.
• 3:55
  Eric: I was just like out there like, oh yeah, I remember on the set of the Moonland, I mean the Shining, that Jack Nicholson, I, I tell you, he's just so talented, he was so talented.
• 4:08
  Eric: And that shelly duvall, when she would have one of her little moments, I'd be like shelly, what is you doing?
• 4:14
  Stanley Kubrick: now stanley, I have it on good authority that you somewhat lightly tortured shelly duvall on the set of that, isn't that?
• 4:22
  Stanley Kubrick: Isn't that?
• 4:22
  Stanley Kubrick: Is that right, or is that hearsay?
• 4:23
  Stanley Kubrick: Shelley Duvall on the set of that Isn't that right, or is?
• 4:26
  Eric: that hearsay.
• 4:27
  Eric: Now Neil Armstrong and I sorry me and Shelley Duvall, we were butt heads every now and again, but I think that just come down to good, old-fashioned autistic differences.
• 4:39
  Stanley Kubrick: Sorry, did you say autistic differences?
• 4:42
  Stanley Kubrick: I said what I said.
• 4:43
  Stanley Kubrick: It sounded like you said autistic differences.
• 4:47
  Stanley Kubrick: Say what I said it sounded like you said, autistic differences.
• 4:49
  Eric: I would, I would really appreciate it.
• 4:50
  Eric: Sorry, are you the director commentarian?
• 4:51
  Eric: I like that he's getting interviewed, but I like that like someone's just coming in with like hard, hard-hitting questions for stanley kubrick in the middle of this director's commentary.
• 5:00
  Eric: I kind of I kind of stanley this is an intervention.
• 5:05
  Eric: This is an intervention and you know it's the and, mind you, this is still during the 2001 A Space Odyssey.
• 5:10
  Eric: You know it's the funniest thing.
• 5:12
  Eric: I just had the greatest time doing the clockwork orange.
• 5:16
  Eric: But I remember I sat down there, anthony Burgess, and I said, anthony, now I ain't seen we've been on set here with the lovely Malcolm McDowell for goodness knows how many I ain't seen a single orange.
• 5:31
  Eric: Jesus, I love the way he talking.
• 5:42
  Eric: That funny little accent.
• 5:43
  Eric: Funny, that funny little accent.
• 5:46
  Matt: Funny that funny little accent.
• 5:49
  Eric: You say that funny little accent.
• 5:50
  Eric: I don't even know what he's saying half the time I just say, honey, the camera is a rolling.
• 6:11
  Matt: Well, hello everybody and welcome to you.
• 6:12
  Matt: Didn't Ask For this.
• 6:12
  Matt: It is the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions, and I fell into the voices we were just doing a moment prior.
• 6:19
  Matt: My name's Matthew Shea and I'm Stanley.
• 6:22
  Eric: Kubrick no, you're not.
• 6:24
  Eric: Oh sorry, sorry, it's like I was.
• 6:25
  Eric: Oh sorry, sorry, it's like I was.
• 6:26
  Eric: Dude.
• 6:26
  Eric: I, christian, bailed it a little too hard there for a sec.
• 6:29
  Eric: I got a little too deep into it.
• 6:30
  Eric: I'm Eric Poach, thank you.
• 6:32
  Eric: Thank you, eric.
• 6:33
  Matt: Poach, how are you?
• 6:34
  Matt: Oh, sweaty, God it is so fucking hot in this room.
• 6:39
  Matt: I do not know if we're gonna use footage from this, but you are in a, a black tank, yeah rocking the tank just rocking these, these, I don't know what.
• 6:50
  Matt: My clavicle just out guns out, clavicle out just fucking raging, just dripping that clavicle all over the camera for free for me free, you know for now this could.
• 7:03
  Matt: If we do use any of this footage on on the tiktok, I might have to put it behind the picture on paywall.
• 7:08
  Matt: This they should be so lucky, they should be so lucky.
• 7:14
  Matt: But you know what?
• 7:16
  Matt: I think that's great and I also think you should, uh, at some point look up just a casual interview with stanley cooper um, oh yeah, I can't wait, just to see what you've done to the man.
• 7:28
  Eric: I don't know anything about how he sounds beyond.
• 7:31
  Eric: I know I am wildly off base.
• 7:34
  Matt: You are definitely wildly off base, but I want you to discover that personally.
• 7:45
  Matt: So, eric, I think we got a lot to get to.
• 7:48
  Matt: We got some questions here and then I heard on a rumor mill on a forum, on an internet forum, yeah, on a sub stack, on a sub stack of internet podcast rumor theories, uh-huh, that you have a pop quiz for me.
• 8:02
  Eric: Well, who can say?
• 8:04
  Eric: I guess we'll find out when we get there.
• 8:05
  Matt: Who can say indeed, it has a lot to live up to in the shadow of Chestnut or Chestnut.
• 8:13
  Eric: God Chestnut or Chestnut was so good.
• 8:16
  Eric: I remain very pleased.
• 8:18
  Matt: Shout out episode 123.
• 8:20
  Matt: Nope 122.
• 8:23
  Matt: I remain very pleased as punch you should.
• 8:29
  Eric: Man, that one, and there's more records.
• 8:31
  Eric: We can do a part two.
• 8:32
  Eric: Yeah, we need a fridge so that can go up on it.
• 8:34
  Matt: All right, should we get to some questions then, eric, and get this train out the station, my man let's fucking go.
• 8:42
  Matt: Okay, the first question that we have today and we actually have a couple in the quiver that I pulled, full disclosure.
• 8:50
  Matt: There was a TikTok video where somebody was like give me your most unhinged first date questions and a lot of them were very like date-based right, like making fun of the man and things like that.
• 9:05
  Matt: Yeah, I mean the man making fun of men, man and things like that.
• 9:06
  Matt: Yeah, I mean the man.
• 9:07
  Matt: The making fun of men is what I'm trying to say yeah, as you should as we all should, as we all have a moral obligation to do so.
• 9:15
  Eric: I picked.
• 9:16
  Matt: I picked some out and just to reiterate how hot eric must be he is.
• 9:22
  Matt: He is dabbing his forehead off like he is a sinner and church with a toilet paper so this is when I was.
• 9:33
  Eric: I was sick recently, and and when I'm, when I'm sick, I I don't do box of tissues, I just keep do roll it I keep a roll of A.
• 9:41
  Eric: If it's going on my butt it is angel soft.
• 9:45
  Matt: It's good enough for my face yes.
• 9:47
  Matt: Yes, true, come on, you use a new roll of toilet paper, right?
• 9:51
  Eric: Oh yeah, I just grab a.
• 9:52
  Matt: Oh my God, matt, just checking, just checking, I'm just checking.
• 9:55
  Eric: I'm not grabbing one that's been exposed to the bathroom elements.
• 9:59
  Matt: No no, it has to have been in quarantine.
• 10:08
  Eric: I've seen far too many videos of the exact particle trajectory of your toilet every time you flush it, so I seal everything.
• 10:12
  Matt: The point is I pulled a bunch of questions from the comment section on a TikTok video.
• 10:17
  Matt: This is where we are.
• 10:19
  Matt: There was a lot that were bangers.
• 10:20
  Matt: I did not pull everybody's user handle that were bangers.
• 10:25
  Matt: I did not pull everybody's user handle.
• 10:27
  Matt: I trust that you won't, I guess sue me for taking your comment.
• 10:30
  Matt: Anyway.
• 10:31
  Matt: Long Dong Silver asks.
• 10:33
  Matt: Long Dong Silver 69 asks how many seagulls would you have to find in your house before you got suspicious?
• 10:43
  Matt: Someone was putting them there.
• 10:45
  Matt: Now, eric, can you see why I pulled this for you, daft?
• 10:48
  Matt: that is, that is folks, this is, this is a you daft renaissance question.
• 10:55
  Eric: This is, this is right in our wheelhouse, I feel this yeah, this is this is the the we haven't gotten questions like this recently and this is my call to action to bring them back.
• 11:07
  Eric: Yes, admonish them more, thank you.
• 11:12
  Matt: Thank you for your support.
• 11:13
  Matt: Eric, Eric, let's talk seagulls.
• 11:16
  Eric: So how many before?
• 11:19
  Eric: And specifically it's like how many before?
• 11:21
  Eric: I suspect that someone's placing them in my house.
• 11:25
  Eric: Yes, it does say before you got suspicious.
• 11:26
  Eric: It doesn't even state outright that like oh, theoretically, someone's putting seagulls in your house, how many before you realize they're doing it?
• 11:33
  Eric: It's how many seagulls before the idea enters your mind that is someone putting?
• 11:42
  Matt: them in my house, right, that is someone putting them in my house, right?
• 11:44
  Matt: How many before it could occur to you?
• 11:47
  Matt: Is someone out to get me?
• 11:51
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, that's what we're after.
• 11:53
  Matt: Is this nefarious?
• 11:54
  Matt: Is this premeditated?
• 11:56
  Matt: Are these nefarious seagulls?
• 11:58
  Eric: Are these felonious gulls?
• 12:00
  Eric: Felonious gull is my dj name.
• 12:07
  Eric: Is it on sound on soundcloud?
• 12:09
  Matt: felonious gulls, yeah, maybe let that one cook for a little bit longer.
• 12:13
  Eric: So one gull appears in your home, amelia father amelia father is recording content for strangers on the internet, sweetie.
• 12:22
  Stanley Kubrick: If that can't finish, what the fuck up Meow?
• 12:27
  Matt: It's okay, Sorry she knew we were talking about birds.
• 12:30
  Matt: Okay, eric, picture the scene I'm picturing.
• 12:34
  Matt: You're there, you're doing commentary on 2001 in a silly voice, yes, and you look over and who's sitting there?
• 12:42
  Matt: But Jonathan Livingston Siegel.
• 12:44
  Matt: Oh, deep cut.
• 12:46
  Matt: He's sitting right there with his thoughts on life.
• 12:51
  Matt: Bro, you're hitting me with the god bird, the god bird of Jonathan Livingston Siegel.
• 12:56
  Stanley Kubrick: The point is, there's a seagull.
• 12:58
  Matt: There's a gull.
• 13:00
  Stanley Kubrick: There's a gull.
• 13:01
  Matt: A seabird has come into your home A seabird.
• 13:04
  Eric: So at one goal.
• 13:05
  Matt: And you can't kill it because, as we all know, bad luck to kill a seabird, bad luck to kill a seabird.
• 13:12
  Eric: So, and I will say this, because I was recently, up until recently I was living in Dundalk and because we are so close to like, there's a bunch of ports around Dundalk.
• 13:23
  Eric: It's not uncommon to have seagulls kind of like in the general area, not at all.
• 13:29
  Eric: So at one gull, nothing, nothing seems a mess, I would be sure, shocked and alarmed even here, like I am not not close to seagull territory really where I'm at.
• 13:43
  Eric: Yeah.
• 13:44
  Matt: But if a seagull were to enter my home, my first thought would be one.
• 13:49
  Matt: There must be a window open somewhere.
• 13:52
  Matt: Yes, and two of all the birds.
• 13:56
  Matt: I wouldn't have expected a seagull.
• 13:59
  Eric: No Would expect a morning dove Sure, they're all over the goddamn place.
• 14:05
  Eric: Yeah, would expect a ra dove Sure, they're all over the goddamn place.
• 14:06
  Eric: Yeah, would expect a raven a crow.
• 14:10
  Matt: I've got so many a goddamn sparrow in my yard digging holes, Mayhap a thrush but not a seagull, so I would be shocked.
• 14:19
  Eric: I have had in my old place in Dundalk.
• 14:21
  Eric: I can't remember if I talked about this on the show.
• 14:24
  Matt: Yes, you made an alliance with the birds.
• 14:27
  Eric: Oh, no, no, no, no.
• 14:28
  Eric: That was my alliance with the crows.
• 14:29
  Eric: That was a separate geopolitical scheme in Dundalk?
• 14:33
  Eric: I see no one day I just had a bat appear in my like, like, but like.
• 14:40
  Eric: All it was the same deal.
• 14:41
  Eric: All the windows were closed.
• 14:43
  Eric: I was like how the fuck did you get in?
• 14:45
  Eric: But also, my house at the time was like a hundred and some odd years old, so myriad ways.
• 14:52
  Eric: Um, that probably lives there.
• 14:54
  Matt: That bat was probably born there don't know the last time you checked the rafters, oh so I never have no, why would you never been up there?
• 15:04
  Eric: it had an attic.
• 15:05
  Eric: I've never had any reason to go up there we have an attic too, and I am pretty confident that at least one animal uh winters in it oh yeah, I'm sort of like you know what, as long as you don't come down here, we can be, we can cohabitate I had a family of, of of squirrels living in my goddamn ceiling, because my neighbor, you know, because we were in a townhouse yeah and my neighbor's house had it all.
• 15:31
  Eric: My neighbor who would routinely bitch about how disrespectful of a neighbor I was by parking anywhere remotely near her house.
• 15:41
  Matt: Yes, I think you might have mentioned that.
• 15:43
  Eric: Had a gaping fucking hole in her roof and still does that.
• 15:49
  Eric: The squirrels would come through and then they would live.
• 15:51
  Eric: They wouldn't live in her ceilings because she was a chain smoker so they didn't like the air quality.
• 15:56
  Eric: Yeah, they wanted out, so they came on over to Cassidy Poach, where the ceilings were only mostly leaky, instead of having a giant fucking gaping hole in them.
• 16:06
  Eric: Anyway, one goal, I'm not, I'm concerned, but I'm nothing afoot.
• 16:11
  Eric: Two goals, my brain is saying, ok, well, you know that at two goals, my brain is writing a story for these goals.
• 16:20
  Matt: Yes, they're in love.
• 16:20
  Matt: They're in love, run away, they ran away together.
• 16:23
  Eric: For're in love, they run away.
• 16:23
  Eric: They ran away together.
• 16:23
  Eric: Forbidden love for some reason.
• 16:25
  Eric: I don't know.
• 16:26
  Eric: I don't pretend to know seagull goings-ons and intrigues, but I know they happen.
• 16:32
  Eric: Seagull lore See, other than they're seabird, like they gotta have so much intrigue.
• 16:38
  Matt: I agree, I was at the beach recently.
• 16:41
  Matt: It always strikes me, you know, between looking at the corpse being taken away and, you know, everything else happening around me.
• 16:52
  Matt: There are, of course, seagulls there, and what I always think is interesting is you can see a seagull like stalk you.
• 17:01
  Eric: Oh yeah, like where they're just following you on their little feet.
• 17:05
  Matt: Well, yeah, and we were having lunch or whatever, and so we, you know, as I said, we got the canopy, so we set up towards the back, you know where the close to the like the, the dune fence, you know to keep, to keep off the dune.
• 17:16
  Eric: You know, you know what I'm saying.
• 17:17
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, the the, the shield wall of the beach, uh good, good, good reference.
• 17:24
  Eric: Thank you Because, as soon, as you said, dune fence.
• 17:26
  Eric: I just like there's someone standing on the other side of it, just like.
• 17:31
  Matt: I heard you trying to make a dune reference and I said I'm going to beat him to it.
• 17:36
  Eric: You saw it passing I was like oh, how can I work, Lisa?
• 17:39
  Eric: Not glad you've been there?
• 17:41
  Matt: Yes, is like oh, how can I work, lisa?
• 17:46
  Matt: Not glad you've been there?
• 17:46
  Matt: Yes, so there, on one of these posts, appears a seagull who's just dead eyeing us like I'll wait, I'll wait.
• 17:51
  Matt: What are you gonna do?
• 17:52
  Matt: Shoo me away, I'm just gonna fly to that fly right, fucking back dog I'm gonna fly right over there.
• 17:57
  Matt: You can't get rid of me and I know that.
• 17:59
  Matt: So I'm not gonna try to get rid of this seabird, but nevertheless I'm saying they're audacious little fuckers.
• 18:07
  Matt: Oh yeah, they, they.
• 18:09
  Matt: They've seen some shit.
• 18:10
  Eric: They've seen some shit.
• 18:11
  Eric: They're swarm animals like.
• 18:13
  Eric: Anytime food is available, it immediately become.
• 18:15
  Eric: There's no pecking order, it's just who got there first pecking order.
• 18:20
  Eric: So like they're savages.
• 18:22
  Eric: I say that respectfully Scavengers, savage scavengers.
• 18:28
  Eric: Savage scavengers just like the two of us Scavengers.
• 18:31
  Stanley Kubrick: Just like the two of us.
• 18:33
  Eric: Rough and tumble, men of the sea.
• 18:35
  Matt: Picking out questions from comment sections left and right.
• 18:39
  Eric: Someone posts a TikTok, there we are.
• 18:43
  Matt: You can't keep our content from us public.
• 18:46
  Matt: No, no, no, no.
• 18:48
  Eric: There is no length to which we will not go to not do work, we will find it and we will use it.
• 18:56
  Matt: So two seagulls.
• 18:58
  Eric: No, yeah, that's a love story.
• 18:59
  Eric: That's a love story Three, love triangle Three.
• 19:03
  Eric: I honestly think I still would not suspect someone is putting them into my house At three seagulls.
• 19:09
  Eric: Though now my brain is going.
• 19:10
  Eric: My brain has clicked over to okay.
• 19:13
  Eric: Something is seriously wrong.
• 19:16
  Eric: Some safeguard has failed.
• 19:19
  Eric: It's one of those points where, like I have to and this is where I am in my, my thirties my brain stops and I go okay, clearly there is some societal safeguard that I have been taking for granted my entire life, and that safeguard has fallen.
• 19:40
  Eric: And now I have seen it's like one of those comments like oh, did you know the like the levees broke and yeah, yeah.
• 19:47
  Eric: I was like you don't think about the levees till they break.
• 19:49
  Eric: So I'm like, oh, my, oh, my god, what, what, what's going on the seagull levees?
• 19:57
  Matt: the seagull levees yeah, I think I.
• 19:59
  Matt: I still don't think that I'm like I'm the victim of a prank or somebody is doing something.
• 20:06
  Matt: At three, I think at three I'm going.
• 20:09
  Matt: This is not an anomaly.
• 20:11
  Matt: We have a serious issue.
• 20:13
  Matt: There is a group of seagulls outside and they're coming in one at a time.
• 20:18
  Matt: There's clearly a hole in the ceiling, like that's where I'm.
• 20:22
  Matt: Yeah, I at that point where I'm.
• 20:23
  Eric: Yeah, I, at that point I'm thinking, did a tree fall through my roof somewhere?
• 20:26
  Eric: And I just completely, I was in the shower when it happened.
• 20:29
  Eric: Yeah.
• 20:29
  Matt: Missed it.
• 20:30
  Matt: So so how do we remedy this?
• 20:33
  Matt: Four seagulls, Eric, four distinct seagulls, and here's the question.
• 20:44
  Eric: As soon and here's the question as soon as you said.
• 20:45
  Matt: Four distinct seagulls, each one like one smoking a cigarette, another has a switchblade.
• 20:47
  Matt: They have identified.
• 20:48
  Matt: They have different accents.
• 20:49
  Matt: One swing in a chain one's like ah, one one always lies and one always tells the truth.
• 20:57
  Matt: Uh, the so.
• 21:00
  Matt: So there's four unique individual seagulls, two of them possibly mystical, but here's a question that we didn't ask that, that there wasn't asked in the question, but perhaps it should have been okay.
• 21:12
  Matt: Are they appearing one at a time or all together?
• 21:18
  Matt: Oh, okay, so is it a situation where we look around and suddenly, oh, there's four fucking seagulls here.
• 21:25
  Matt: Or it's like oh, there's a seagull, oh, there's another one, oh, there's another one, oh my god, there's four yeah, bro, this changes the arithmetic.
• 21:31
  Eric: If they all appear at once, my brain immediately goes to my house.
• 21:34
  Eric: Some of the walls have fallen.
• 21:36
  Eric: I am exposed to the elements.
• 21:38
  Eric: If it's one at a time, this is double nefarious, because it's gonna take me personally a while to realize that these are four seagulls and not just one very clever seagull that keeps getting into my house.
• 21:52
  Eric: Because you know what I mean.
• 21:54
  Eric: Because, like, I'm gonna find one, I'm like oh, oh, go on get, I'm gonna shoo them out of there, but then I turn around seagull in my house again Seagull in your house again and my brain, my brain, Matt, my brain, I give the gulls credit.
• 22:07
  Eric: I'm not thinking, oh new gull just dropped.
• 22:10
  Eric: I'm thinking, Babe, wake up.
• 22:13
  Eric: New gull here Clever gull, that's what I'm thinking Clever gull, but by the third and fourth time it happens now starting.
• 22:25
  Eric: Now I'm starting to like I'm gonna start tagging them like so you know, so you can track them and that's when I and once I realize I think that's when I realize is once I start tagging and releasing them and I realize that it's a new goal each time, I think at four, that is when I begin to suspect foul play.
• 22:41
  Matt: Five for sure.
• 22:43
  Matt: Five is when I know.
• 22:44
  Matt: So I think I agree with you and I think I agree that four is where I'm like.
• 22:49
  Matt: Wait a minute, how would four get in here?
• 22:53
  Matt: How would four just show up?
• 22:56
  Matt: Hold up, hold up, you're telling me.
• 22:59
  Matt: You mean to tell me that four unique, individual, stranger seagulls to one another came into my home as a band of misfits on a lark on on ho limb, on a wing I think that?
• 23:21
  Stanley Kubrick: yeah, I don't think so yeah that.
• 23:23
  Eric: That five, five, five is when I'm like, okay, I know something's up and it's five is definitely when somebody let these seagulls in, at the very least yes, and six is when I there is a, there is a.
• 23:38
  Eric: In the recesses of my mind, there's a small box that I open in case of emergencies like this and I start texting.
• 23:45
  Eric: What did you do to this list of people?
• 23:48
  Eric: Just like, like I know, the usual suspects who, I think, are most likely to put birds in my house, nice.
• 23:56
  Matt: Am I on that list?
• 23:56
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, I didn't think so.
• 24:00
  Eric: No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 24:01
  Eric: It's far too frivolous.
• 24:03
  Matt: Frivolous, I could do a frivolous prank.
• 24:05
  Matt: No, you could, I wouldn't do this Exactly.
• 24:08
  Eric: It's not your flavor of frivolous, your frivolity.
• 24:12
  Eric: I don't think it would involve living creatures.
• 24:17
  Matt: Probably not.
• 24:18
  Eric: Especially not birds.
• 24:20
  Matt: No definitely not birds.
• 24:20
  Matt: No, definitely not birds.
• 24:22
  Matt: These, the, the goals, four goals being led in individually especially does remind me of that, like the classic.
• 24:30
  Matt: I think it's classic and it was done once in my school, before my time, but it was done once in my high school the uh, the pig prank oh, the classic, classic you know what I'm talking about.
• 24:43
  Eric: Where you yeah six pigs into the school and label them uh, one through eight, or or one through seven, or yeah four pigs, and they're one, two and four.
• 24:53
  Matt: Three pigs that are one, two, four and yeah, there is no three.
• 24:57
  Matt: Yeah, um, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a classic.
• 24:59
  Matt: It was done several years as a senior prank before my time.
• 25:03
  Stanley Kubrick: Nice, so I can't claim it.
• 25:06
  Matt: It's a good bit.
• 25:07
  Matt: I didn't really participate in any senior pranks myself, but we did have some really good ones during my time, one of which I think I talked about before with the peanut butter.
• 25:19
  Matt: Somebody broke into the school the night before and in the cat, they covered the cafeteria in peanut butter, and I mean covered just the entire cafeteria, peanut butter as peanut butter all over the place, and because you can't serve lunch.
• 25:38
  Matt: Uh, if you can't serve lunch at the school, you have to have a half day.
• 25:41
  Matt: Um, so you can't keep kids if you can't feed them.
• 25:46
  Eric: So, uh, and they couldn't let anyone in the cafeteria because of allergies that's all I was gonna say, like god damn, that was like, if you're you're, six students died, so we so everyone got a half day.
• 25:56
  Matt: It was, it was.
• 25:58
  Matt: It was a great prank from a student perspective, From an administrative perspective.
• 26:03
  Matt: I bet somebody was like find me this giant.
• 26:07
  Eric: Oh yeah, the liability was out the window.
• 26:10
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, one of the ones, my senior year that was really good.
• 26:13
  Matt: There's a science teacher we all really hated and somebody stole the key to his little locker on the wall that held a bunch of stuff.
• 26:27
  Matt: But in there were all stopwatches for, like you know, experiments or whatever, like timers, stopwatches for bunsen burners, you know, and so they before they stole the key, but before they stole the key and locked the thing, they set all the stopwatches to go off at different times.
• 26:44
  Matt: Oh my God.
• 26:49
  Matt: It was just this cacophony of beeps coming out of the wall.
• 26:55
  Eric: See, that's the flavor of frivolous I think Matt Shea would bring to bear.
• 26:59
  Matt: Yes, I would do that.
• 27:00
  Matt: Had I thought of that, I would have been all over it.
• 27:02
  Eric: But five seagulls in my house.
• 27:02
  Eric: That's not me, that's not the Shea would bring to bear.
• 27:03
  Eric: Yes, I would do that.
• 27:03
  Eric: Had I thought of that, I would have been all over it.
• 27:03
  Eric: But five seagulls in my house.
• 27:04
  Matt: That's not me, that's not the Shea way.
• 27:06
  Eric: But after five it has to be premeditated, it has to be someone fucking.
• 27:12
  Matt: It has to be premeditated or there is some sort of apocalypse afoot.
• 27:17
  Matt: There is some sort of biblical plague being sent down upon my home Low and when the fifth gull of his loins up.
• 27:28
  Eric: Yeah, we all know John 316.
• 27:30
  Matt: He shall ride a pale gull.
• 27:35
  Eric: He shall say come and see.
• 27:38
  Matt: Yeah, so it's four.
• 27:39
  Matt: Four is when I think suspicion of frivolity, uh, is afoot.
• 27:46
  Matt: Yes, perfect, I think we thanks, tiktok thanks, tiktok.
• 27:49
  Matt: We answer the question whoever it is that asked.
• 27:52
  Matt: Now our next one, eric.
• 27:54
  Matt: You want to share that with us?
• 27:56
  Eric: yeah, this one comes from that good, that good boy.
• 28:01
  Matt: He the one, the the one, the him, the singular boy, I am him, it's him, it's aaron, he is, he is him.
• 28:10
  Matt: That is known as aaron, aaron, he he.
• 28:14
  Matt: Just today, on the day we are recording, he said he hopped into the discord to hey, it's been a while since I dropped my fucking genius on you all.
• 28:24
  Eric: It's been a minute since I laid some solid gold bricks at your feet.
• 28:29
  Eric: Here you go, peasants.
• 28:30
  Matt: It's been a while since I fucking laid this pipe of question at you.
• 28:36
  Stanley Kubrick: It's been a while.
• 28:37
  Matt: And so he did drop a bunch to us, as always.
• 28:40
  Matt: Thank you, aaron for our content.
• 28:43
  Matt: This is one of them.
• 28:44
  Matt: Go ahead, eric, take it away If.
• 28:47
  Eric: Boy Scouts had cookies.
• 28:49
  Eric: What would their names be?
• 28:51
  Eric: Now we're talking.
• 28:53
  Matt: Oh, now we're digging where there's taters.
• 28:55
  Matt: Now we're digging where there's taters.
• 28:57
  Matt: And somebody also hopped on there in the Discord to say I don't have Discord up right now.
• 29:03
  Matt: Let me pull it up to see who asked.
• 29:06
  Matt: Somebody mentioned doing a definitive oh, it was also Aaron doing a definitive ranking of Girl Scout cookies.
• 29:14
  Matt: That might.
• 29:16
  Matt: This is an idea that we are bantering about for certain certain.
• 29:23
  Matt: It's on the idea table, Aaron, I don't think we're going to pull the trigger on it right away.
• 29:28
  Matt: We might wait for conditions to be right.
• 29:32
  Stanley Kubrick: Yes.
• 29:35
  Matt: For certain people that we have tasted biscuits with in the past, who may or may not be coming to the country at a later date.
• 29:43
  Matt: In it, in it, in it, in it, listen.
• 29:46
  Matt: Within the past, who may or may not be coming to the country at a later date?
• 29:48
  Matt: In it, in it, listen.
• 29:49
  Matt: You know.
• 29:49
  Matt: So lindsey and I are slowly becoming anglophiles by the amount of british tv that we are watching, specifically taskmaster, and one thing that we say over and over again is to have some of the Britishisms.
• 30:02
  Matt: I'm so jealous of the British dialect, of just being able to say in it their slang puts ours to shame.
• 30:13
  Matt: Puts it to shame.
• 30:15
  Eric: The amount of soccer of course that.
• 30:16
  Matt: I watch, and I rarely call it soccer.
• 30:20
  Matt: These days I have turned into that person.
• 30:22
  Matt: That's who I've become, and you know what?
• 30:24
  Matt: I'm right Anyway.
• 30:27
  Eric: Also Matt side question to the side tangent.
• 30:29
  Eric: You've watched Downton Abbey right.
• 30:32
  Matt: You know what, Eric?
• 30:33
  Matt: I have not Bro, I want to Lindsay.
• 30:39
  Matt: Shockingly, Lindsay claims to not have an interest in watching Downton Abbey.
• 30:43
  Eric: I don't believe her.
• 30:44
  Eric: No, yes, and it's truly one of those things where most everyone I've ever talked to is like I don't think it'd be for me, and then I've gotten to watch it.
• 30:52
  Eric: They're like I'm fucking in.
• 30:54
  Matt: I do want to watch it right now.
• 30:55
  Eric: I'm on my third rewatch and Alyssa's never seen it before and she and she was in from episode one.
• 31:04
  Matt: You are fucking in.
• 31:04
  Matt: I authentically want to watch.
• 31:05
  Matt: Have you watched the Crown?
• 31:07
  Eric: No, but that is on my list, the Crown's fucking good man, yeah.
• 31:10
  Matt: The Crown is fucking good.
• 31:12
  Matt: I would watch the Crown again.
• 31:13
  Matt: Start to finish.
• 31:14
  Matt: Okay, we can't.
• 31:15
  Matt: This is not.
• 31:15
  Matt: Oops, all tangents, eric.
• 31:16
  Matt: Let me hit you with this Matt Boy Scout cookie All I want.
• 31:25
  Matt: By the way, that whole tangent was all that only came up because all I wanted to say is the other day, the two of us were like, hey, we haven't had a definitive ranking in a while.
• 31:29
  Matt: Yeah, we should ask people what they got.
• 31:32
  Matt: So this is me saying people what you got, eric.
• 31:35
  Matt: Go ahead and get us back on topic.
• 31:37
  Matt: It's, of course, one of the things you are best at.
• 31:40
  Eric: Boy Scout cookies.
• 31:41
  Eric: Thank you.
• 31:42
  Eric: First out the gate Thick Mint, two Cs.
• 31:47
  Matt: Thick Mint with two Cs.
• 31:49
  Matt: Thick Mints two Cs.
• 31:53
  Eric: Okay.
• 31:53
  Eric: So here I was thinking of like- Take a Thin Mint, put three of them together, cover that whole thing in chocolate Thick Mint.
• 31:57
  Eric: What's?
• 31:58
  Matt: up.
• 31:58
  Stanley Kubrick: Oh so you just want to like take Girl scout cookies I'm not gonna do that with, I'm not gonna do that with all of them.
• 32:03
  Stanley Kubrick: No, no, no, no no, whoa, whoa.
• 32:06
  Matt: We celebrate a thick cookie in this house no, no, I'm not saying we, whoa, we do not body shame cookies.
• 32:13
  Matt: Matthew, who's body shaming cookies?
• 32:15
  Matt: I'm saying you want to ingest the like?
• 32:18
  Matt: Oh yeah, give me that thick mint.
• 32:20
  Eric: Give me that thick mint Toxic masculinity.
• 32:22
  Matt: I would have so much fun.
• 32:23
  Matt: Let me ask you this, Eric.
• 32:25
  Matt: Which one of us is in a garment previously popularly called a wife beater?
• 32:34
  Eric: I am not familiar with that name for this garment, of course you're not, of course you're not.
• 32:38
  Eric: My tank top Too woke poach over here hasn't heard of it.
• 32:44
  Matt: Woke, fucking thick mints.
• 32:48
  Eric: But no, I yeah, I'm not just gonna, I'm not just gonna make sexy remixes of all the, of all the but but, like gotta have a thick mint, two C's two C's thick mint here.
• 32:59
  Matt: I was trying to think of things from Scott because, after all, I am the Eagle Scout in the room.
• 33:04
  Matt: I was trying to find the like tenderfoot is a thing that could be thrown out, oh yeah, or you know the scout lore that could be brought in.
• 33:16
  Eric: Yeah, I noticed, like a lot of the, a lot of the.
• 33:20
  Eric: I want to examine the language surrounding these, these cookie names, cause you look at the girl scout cookies, the, the, the names of girl scout cookies are are like the.
• 33:31
  Eric: The overarching theme is very playful yes, Tagalongs, do-si-dos, fun, frivolous kid things.
• 33:38
  Matt: Um, so you want the boy scout cookies to be manly names, thick mint, no, mint, no, no, like thick mint.
• 33:46
  Eric: I I'm, I'm honest to god, approaching it more like what would a bunch of dumb ass 10 and 11 year old boys think are just great names for a cookie, uh?
• 33:56
  Eric: Uh, turbo chargers yeah now, we're now, we're in it, dog, now we're fucking in it.
• 34:08
  Matt: Slimmer snacks because we all know the boy scouts sell popcorn and the popcorn is not the best and also far too fucking expensive says somebody this boy scout popcorn who?
• 34:18
  Matt: Yeah, are you telling me you've never had the boy scout popcorn?
• 34:22
  Eric: it's, I know it's famous to boy scouts.
• 34:24
  Eric: I mean I, I know like in the cultural, look all you've never had boy scout popcorn.
• 34:31
  Matt: You've never supported a boy scout by buying.
• 34:34
  Eric: My family can't afford boy scout popcorn if you can, if you can in this economy yeah, in this day and age, and they're fucking, I feel I, I want to say for myself the girl scouts won the snack war.
• 34:46
  Matt: Oh, no one is arguing that the girl scouts won the snack war.
• 34:48
  Matt: Oh, no one is arguing that the Girl Scouts won the snack war.
• 34:51
  Matt: Okay, no one is arguing.
• 34:54
  Matt: The Boy Scouts should not be selling popcorn and every now and then they have some other version.
• 35:00
  Matt: Of course it is just Scouts of America now.
• 35:04
  Matt: But yes, besides, the Boy Scouts have always sold popcorn.
• 35:09
  Matt: And so because I've been in the trenches, Eric, of going door to door selling popcorn, selling my wares to my neighbors Peddling.
• 35:20
  Matt: While my mother waits on the sidewalk Fucking death of a salesman out here.
• 35:26
  Eric: Back to back.
• 35:27
  Matt: Ma'am, can I interest you in a tin of caramel popcorn?
• 35:33
  Matt: We got a little divider in here for three different flavors in one tin.
• 35:41
  Eric: You got your cheddar, you got your caramel and the one nobody likes.
• 35:46
  Matt: And one that calls itself kettle corn, but it's not, and one that takes up kettle corn, but it's not.
• 35:50
  Eric: And one that takes up space that could have been taken up by either of the other two flavors and one that's just unpopped kernels.
• 35:58
  Eric: Raw dog in that corn.
• 36:01
  Eric: We called it DIY corn.
• 36:04
  Eric: Call it deconstructed popcorn, deconstructed popcorn.
• 36:10
  Eric: Again the raw back.
• 36:11
  Matt: Stanley kubrick, the boy scout, came back it's me, stanley kubrick.
• 36:15
  Eric: I'm just pleased as punch to be selling my boy scout cookies boy scout cookies.
• 36:21
  Matt: We got to get back to the boy scout boy scout cookies.
• 36:23
  Eric: Uh, there should be ones called snipes snipes eric yeah, was that a thing in here?
• 36:31
  Eric: That was a story were you told about.
• 36:33
  Eric: Was it snipes like the, the, the, the, the, the creature that lived in the woods, that you tell all the new boy scouts about, to make them scared?
• 36:40
  Matt: oh, I mean, I didn't call them snipes, but I I do know what you're talking about.
• 36:45
  Matt: Yeah, there was always stuff like that.
• 36:47
  Matt: Uh, well, I mean I think I talked about the left-handed smoke shifter on this podcast before a left-handed smoke shifter do you recall would be?
• 36:55
  Matt: A would be a baller ass name for a cookie yo can I get some left-handed smoke shifters hand me a hand me a left-hand smoke shifter real quick.
• 37:02
  Matt: Do you remember my left-hand smoke shifter?
• 37:05
  Eric: uh, yeah, that's.
• 37:06
  Eric: That's the breastplate stretcher, that's's the headlight fluid.
• 37:10
  Matt: Yes, go get me the left-handed smoke shifter.
• 37:12
  Matt: What does it look like?
• 37:12
  Matt: Like you don't know what a left-handed smoke shifter is.
• 37:14
  Matt: Go get it, yeah.
• 37:16
  Matt: Don't bring me the right one.
• 37:18
  Eric: So all of the Boy Scout cookie are just fucking memes.
• 37:24
  Matt: Memes and dreams that's one.
• 37:26
  Matt: Memes and dreams.
• 37:28
  Eric: Memes and dreams that's one Can Memes and dreams, that's one.
• 37:35
  Matt: Memes and dreams.
• 37:36
  Matt: Memes and dreams, that's one.
• 37:37
  Matt: Can I get some memes and dreams without the creams?
• 37:38
  Matt: It could be whatever girls, whatever cookie, brand of cookie you want to make memes and dreams.
• 37:44
  Matt: I got three boxes right here.
• 37:46
  Matt: Right here, sight unseen, give me three boxes of memes and dreams, memes and dreams, memes and dreams sells itself.
• 37:54
  Matt: Because, let me tell you, this house, this house here buys some Girl Scout cookies.
• 37:59
  Eric: Oh, you got to.
• 38:00
  Matt: We get multiple shipments a year oh they see me coming.
• 38:03
  Matt: They see like I'll stop for sure, but ever since Girl Scouts made it possible to buy from the website and order game changer, Game changer.
• 38:15
  Matt: Don't even need a Noah Girl Scout now.
• 38:17
  Matt: Don't ever need to interact with a child.
• 38:24
  Eric: I don't need to haggle with Susie.
• 38:27
  Matt: I can just fucking Well, Eric, you shouldn't be haggling with Susie.
• 38:30
  Matt: They're four bucks, buddy.
• 38:31
  Matt: What are you doing?
• 38:33
  Eric: Give me two for eight final offer.
• 38:39
  Matt: Teaching the worst haggling skills to children.
• 38:42
  Matt: All right, fine.
• 38:43
  Eric: Bartering like I'm in a bazaar.
• 38:46
  Eric: Three for 12, that's my final offer Three for 12,.
• 38:48
  Eric: Final offer Take it or leave it.
• 38:54
  Matt: Susie, you're breaking my balls here.
• 38:55
  Eric: Jesus, sharon, what are you doing?
• 39:02
  Matt: I just imagine fucking saying to some Girl Scouts mom, you're going to come get your kid.
• 39:04
  Matt: She's standing right there.
• 39:05
  Eric: Yeah, don't get your fucking kid.
• 39:07
  Eric: You're going to get this kid, your fucking kid you're gonna get this kid.
• 39:09
  Matt: You're gonna get this kid.
• 39:10
  Matt: It reminds I'm I'm reminded of a quick tale of when former guests of the show uh, we might have mentioned this on his episode anthony conway when lindsey and I went to visit him and some of our other uh pals in chicago, uh, long, a long time, many a year ago now, we were there for st patty's day and so we were going bar to bar and we came out of this one bar and there was a girl with her mother selling girl scout cookies to the fucking wasted people all just flooding the streets of chicago.
• 39:41
  Eric: That girl must have been a millionaire by the end of the day, is legal in chicago.
• 39:46
  Matt: So yeah, they were oh making bank and we said, oh, we don't have $4.
• 39:50
  Matt: Some guy on the street heard us say that and bought us a thing of Thin Mints.
• 39:57
  Eric: And folks in Chicago are nice as hell.
• 39:59
  Matt: And so then, there we were just walking around, open box of Thin Mints, just chowing down in the middle of Chi town, living the dream.
• 40:08
  Matt: It was a great day.
• 40:09
  Eric: So we got memes and dreams.
• 40:10
  Eric: Just chowing down in the middle of Chi town, live in the dream.
• 40:11
  Eric: It was a great day, it's a great day, so we got we got.
• 40:14
  Matt: We got memes and dreams.
• 40:16
  Matt: We got.
• 40:16
  Matt: Yeah, we got um.
• 40:17
  Matt: Can I get a box of stepdads?
• 40:20
  Matt: Sorry they're not here, sorry they're absent.
• 40:30
  Eric: Ooh.
• 40:30
  Stanley Kubrick: Oh man, but I do, but I do taste so good when we have them.
• 40:33
  Eric: But I do.
• 40:33
  Eric: But I do have a box of tea bags, tea bags 100, I do I do, oh, oh oh.
• 40:42
  Stanley Kubrick: I do have a box of purple nurples here, purple nurples, can I just see you in a box of purple nurples, maybe some wet willies.
• 40:49
  Matt: Oh, yeah, yeah, Swirlies.
• 40:53
  Eric: Want some prairie dogs.
• 40:54
  Matt: Prairie dogs.
• 40:55
  Matt: Ew yeah, what would Eric tell me?
• 40:58
  Matt: What would?
• 40:59
  Matt: A prairie dog, they'd be similar to Tell me the prairie dog cookie.
• 41:03
  Eric: Similar to a Buckeye, but far more upsetting.
• 41:06
  Matt: Yes, Perfect.
• 41:07
  Matt: Perfect, perfect.
• 41:08
  Matt: What I was picturing is you know.
• 41:10
  Matt: Okay, what I was picturing is you know those cookies I forget what they're called that are like you just have the round cookie with the Hershey kiss right in the middle.
• 41:21
  Matt: You know, it's like that.
• 41:23
  Matt: Only it's like, it's like a full Tootsie Roll, just like coming out of the middle of it.
• 41:31
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the prairie dog.
• 41:34
  Matt: Oh man, of course you can push it back in if you need to.
• 41:38
  Eric: This also begs the question, because we've got Girl Scout cookies, we've got Boy Scout cookies.
• 41:43
  Eric: Where are my non-binary cookies at?
• 41:46
  Stanley Kubrick: That's true.
• 41:47
  Eric: I feel like I shout out to dear human of my heart pat, who is non-binary, and uh who, who has one of my favorite jokes of all time, which is I got jumped by two non-binary people in an alley.
• 42:03
  Matt: I was fighting tooth and nail nice, such a good joke nice such a good joke, nice, uh, uh, so yeah, yeah, okay, so we need, can I get some they thems?
• 42:16
  Eric: they thems are good, that's, that's good and you know, and you know, instead of tag alongs them all alongs them all, them all longs them all.
• 42:25
  Matt: You know that either one of these corporations, if they were to have a gen, a quote, neutral cookie, it would just be one.
• 42:34
  Eric: Oh yeah, it would be the token cookie.
• 42:38
  Matt: It would be the they thems, and oh, what a controversy it would be.
• 42:46
  Eric: Oh, and it would make them so much money.
• 42:48
  Matt: It's so much money because so many people would go get the.
• 42:50
  Eric: They them ms I won't lay them right now yeah, I want to, oh, fuck, uh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, it would be, uh, two other cookies they would have on the nine binder.
• 43:00
  Eric: It'd be sladies and gentle thems two.
• 43:03
  Eric: Oh, those are two separate flavors no, yeah, sladies and gentle thems that's not one no, they're it, it's one, but everyone always buys them together.
• 43:13
  Matt: I see.
• 43:13
  Matt: I see, I thought maybe they'd go together like some sort of sandwich-based cookie, you know, like an Oreo-esque cookie.
• 43:20
  Matt: 100%, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 43:23
  Matt: Well, you're saying actually 0%.
• 43:25
  Matt: You're saying the opposite.
• 43:26
  Matt: You're saying it wouldn't be that.
• 43:27
  Eric: Agree to disagree.
• 43:28
  Eric: Agree to disagrees.
• 43:30
  Eric: It's a spectrums.
• 43:31
  Eric: It's a spectrums Can I get?
• 43:34
  Matt: some spectrums.
• 43:35
  Matt: Can I get some spectrums?
• 43:36
  Matt: That does sound like a heartburn medication Spectrums, spectrums.
• 43:42
  Matt: Ask your doctor if spectrums is right for you.
• 43:44
  Matt: Yeah, I think we got some solid options across across the board on on across the spectrum.
• 43:52
  Matt: All right, this has been a uh, a questionable episode up until this point.
• 44:00
  Matt: Eric, I'd say there have been questions.
• 44:02
  Matt: There have been questions and our answers to them pretty good and the questions aren't quite done.
• 44:10
  Eric: Matt, because it's time for a pop quiz.
• 44:14
  Matt: That's what I was sensing it.
• 44:16
  Eric: I was sensing that you were ready, you were feel randy to give me these questions so matt yes, game master I want to preface this with, and I think I know the answer I just want to establish for the listeners I can't take it because you're one of my, you're one of my best friends on this planet I, I I take I.
• 44:36
  Eric: There's a lot of things I take for granted when I'm, when I'm when you speak to me and regard me in any way.
• 44:42
  Eric: Yes, yeah but I just want matt.
• 44:44
  Eric: How much do you know about burning man?
• 44:48
  Matt: uh, I would say a base amount.
• 44:51
  Matt: You know that it exists, I know that exists, I know some guy died there, uh, this year, um okay, and probably every other year also, but I know recently in the news somebody died burning yeah.
• 45:03
  Eric: So just to yeah, burn the quick I know the broad spoke strokes.
• 45:06
  Matt: It's in the desert, the 60s the desert.
• 45:09
  Eric: There's no buying or selling anything.
• 45:11
  Eric: It is a gift-based economy.
• 45:14
  Matt: I didn't know that.
• 45:15
  Matt: I didn't know that.
• 45:16
  Matt: I just know there's a big old man that they burn at the end.
• 45:19
  Matt: It's in the desert, no one should be there in general, and it's a terrible idea all around.
• 45:23
  Matt: That's what I know.
• 45:24
  Eric: So that said, I call this game Burn or Bust Burn or.
• 45:28
  Matt: Bust.
• 45:29
  Matt: All right, I like it.
• 45:29
  Eric: I'm going to tell you things that have happened at Burning man.
• 45:33
  Eric: At Burning man.
• 45:34
  Eric: Doesn't necessarily have to be this year.
• 45:36
  Matt: This is good.
• 45:37
  Eric: But these are either things that have happened at Burning man or they didn't.
• 45:40
  Eric: This is good, eric, this is good.
• 45:42
  Eric: Okay, now, I figured you might know this one.
• 45:47
  Eric: It's a bit of a gimmick and you already mentioned it, but first one, matt man found dead in a pool of blood.
• 46:00
  Eric: Uh, burn, burn.
• 46:00
  Eric: Yes, that did in fact happen and that's what happened this year, right, yes, uh, it's very sad, it was happening while the man that's what the, the, the giant statue, while the man was burning.
• 46:07
  Eric: Uh, they, they found this guy dead in a pool of blood still investigating.
• 46:11
  Eric: It's super weird.
• 46:12
  Eric: Oh, my god, the energy has gotten and I I know this is gonna sound fucking hilarious to you, but the energy has gotten weird at burning man, apparently, and I've never been I would love to.
• 46:22
  Matt: I can't imagine how it happened, but I'll tell you this, eric, I'll be all over that netflix documentary about this murdered man.
• 46:32
  Eric: Oh, Netflix is going to have a fucking field day.
• 46:33
  Matt: I'm going to be all over the murdered man in a pool of blood in front of the burning effigy.
• 46:37
  Eric: All right, Matt Couple ejected from the event for stealing endangered reptile eggs for food.
• 46:45
  Matt: Yeah, that sounds like Burning man.
• 46:47
  Eric: That is a bust, that's a bust.
• 46:48
  Matt: Okay, is that something you made up or did that happen elsewhere?
• 46:53
  Eric: Oh no, I just made that up, but there are some of these Clever goal.
• 46:56
  Eric: Yeah, a saxophone flamethrower.
• 47:00
  Matt: Hmm, how, mad Max, I'm going to say Burn.
• 47:05
  Matt: That is a bust Damn.
• 47:07
  Matt: You had the same thought I did, yeah.
• 47:13
  Eric: Okay, burn, that is a bus.
• 47:14
  Eric: Damn, you had the same thought I did.
• 47:15
  Eric: Yeah, okay, uh.
• 47:15
  Eric: And fun fact, there is a flaming uh, there is a flamethrower saxophone.
• 47:16
  Eric: It was built by my friend and neighbor, joe, who attends burning man.
• 47:20
  Eric: They use it, they, they, he, he is a burner, uh and that and they like, they do all kinds of like burn events across the country.
• 47:27
  Eric: But but the flamethrower saxophone was built for his band.
• 47:30
  Eric: I got to see it in action once it's really cool, very cool.
• 47:35
  Eric: The orgy dome got blown over in a dust storm.
• 47:42
  Matt: I'm not doing hot, but I feel like that's a bust.
• 47:45
  Matt: But based on the question so far, pattern wise, I want to say it's a burn, but I'm gonna say it's a bust it is a burn I knew it, I fucking knew it, I was this year the orgy dome got blown over to what no one was occupying it at the time.
• 48:00
  Eric: What is the orgy dome?
• 48:02
  Matt: uh, is it what it sounds like?
• 48:03
  Matt: Yes, it is why, is it there why is there a a legal place for that?
• 48:09
  Eric: Oh, Matt Nothing.
• 48:11
  Matt: A sanctioned orgy location.
• 48:15
  Eric: That's the thing about Burning man man, it's like they're.
• 48:18
  Eric: I don't know what legal frameworks are in place.
• 48:22
  Eric: I just know 80,000 people go into the desert and build a city there.
• 48:28
  Matt: And about 40 come out.
• 48:29
  Matt: Yeah, people go into the desert and build a city there and about 40 come out.
• 48:34
  Matt: Yeah, because the rest are just trapped in the orgy dome.
• 48:35
  Matt: At least 20 of them are pregnant.
• 48:36
  Eric: I did, I did see uh, I did see a post um online of some uh on reddit of someone.
• 48:43
  Eric: After the orgy dome got blown over, someone posted with the caption we will rebuild.
• 48:48
  Eric: It was just a single tarp and it just said the orgy tarp I'm looking up the burning man orgy dome.
• 48:55
  Matt: I want to see a picture of it.
• 48:56
  Matt: I have to see a picture of it it's just a fucking tent oh, that's all burning man.
• 49:02
  Eric: At the end of the day, it's just tents it's just a tent, it's just.
• 49:05
  Matt: It's a group, my God.
• 49:08
  Eric: Yeah, feast your eyes, dog.
• 49:12
  Matt: First of all for the Orgy Dome.
• 49:13
  Matt: There's a lot of clothes on in here, All right, Anyway, continue.
• 49:18
  Matt: I'll look at my soft core pornography later.
• 49:24
  Eric: A swarm of people dressed as Loraxes prowled the desert.
• 49:30
  Matt: Damn Eric, you are good at this.
• 49:32
  Matt: I mean, this is this could go either way, I know burn.
• 49:37
  Eric: It is a burn.
• 49:38
  Eric: Thank God, at least I got another one and I pulled all these.
• 49:42
  Eric: Some of these I've I had to pull from headlines, others I had to like dig through Reddit, like just reading people's crazy ass stories from Burning man.
• 49:50
  Eric: Here's one, a burner theme, because there's like something you need to know about Burning man is like there's all the different camps and stuff.
• 49:58
  Eric: They all have like these different themed parties going on the entire time.
• 50:01
  Eric: Burner party theme night of 1000.
• 50:05
  Eric: Hunter S Thompson's Bust that is a bust that did happen in baltimore at the wind-up space about seven or eight years ago okay, all right, so based in truth.
• 50:18
  Eric: Based in truth I walked into that event and two separate people tried to sell me mushrooms within five minutes of being in the building.
• 50:25
  Matt: Needless to say you were there.
• 50:26
  Eric: Yes, of course yes, a camp made.
• 50:30
  Eric: There is a camp made of broken down minivans named van holla these are clever, both real and imagined.
• 50:43
  Matt: They are clever material burn.
• 50:46
  Matt: That is a bust.
• 50:47
  Matt: Oh, good job, but it is real, of course.
• 50:50
  Eric: It is my buddy, joe the aforementioned burner.
• 50:52
  Eric: He has a uh chunk of land out in west virginia, uh, and and they're a bunch of our buddies have, like they're broken down vans parked in this area that has now been dubbed van holla and they're they want to convert them into like campable, like they want to weatherproof the shit out of them and turn them into like little little, almost like little lean twos.
• 51:12
  Eric: Okay, that I, I, I support that.
• 51:15
  Eric: Yeah, a man refused medical assistance from trained emts after face planting off of his bike riding down a ramp and said, quote, energy healing only refused medical assistance from trained EMTs saying, quote, energy healing only after face planting off of his bike.
• 51:39
  Matt: Even if you made it up, I think it probably happened.
• 51:41
  Matt: I'm saying burn.
• 51:42
  Eric: It happened.
• 51:43
  Eric: Oh it, it absolutely fucking.
• 51:47
  Eric: Yeah, it did.
• 51:47
  Eric: Yeah, I found that was a story I found on Reddit and people were commenting like, yeah, that was a friend of mine, I'm a trained nurse and he refused to let me help him.
• 51:56
  Eric: Beef alert the desert hippies of Burning man versus Diplo.
• 52:05
  Matt: That sounds like a headline you found.
• 52:07
  Matt: I'm going to say burn.
• 52:09
  Eric: That is a burn.
• 52:10
  Eric: Apparently, diplo has an acrimonious relationship with the attendees of Burning man.
• 52:19
  Eric: Snorting drugs off of a loaded rat trap Bust that is a bust, but that did happen.
• 52:27
  Matt: What crazy underground event did you find?
• 52:29
  Eric: that in eric I will say nothing other than my friends go hard, oh god eric, what troubled life you live naked hippie stampede.
• 52:43
  Matt: Uh, I mean that's burning man, is it?
• 52:45
  Matt: You just told me about that orgy dome yeah I'm gonna say bust, though I'm gonna say you made it up, no it didn't.
• 52:53
  Eric: There is a.
• 52:53
  Matt: There's a they, they will I mean of course, there are they'll, they'll.
• 52:56
  Eric: There's like a naked marathon that people run throughout the throughout the event.
• 53:00
  Matt: Yeah, by all means, do a marathon in the desert as well, as if it's iron man a fan made legends of the hidden temple.
• 53:10
  Eric: Temple bust that is a burn damn it.
• 53:14
  Matt: Burning man, you got all kinds of shit going on many delights many delights a?
• 53:20
  Stanley Kubrick: a for all different types, for all different types, including a philharmonic orchestra a phil harmonic orchestra, as in like.
• 53:30
  Matt: Are you trying to do it like a pun like?
• 53:33
  Eric: no, no, it's not a pun like a philharmonic or a philharmonic.
• 53:36
  Eric: Okay, it just sounded like you said, a phil a philharmonic.
• 53:40
  Eric: Everyone's named philip um no, a philharmonic orchestra in the desert.
• 53:45
  Eric: I'm gonna say bust.
• 53:46
  Matt: That is true.
• 53:47
  Eric: There's a philharmonic orchestra burning man dude, it is 80 000 people attend.
• 53:53
  Eric: You need to look up the pictures of burning man.
• 53:55
  Matt: It's a city emerges in the desert, the picture, I mean I don't, I'm all right, I mean I've seen the pictures look up a picture of burning man.
• 54:03
  Matt: Yeah, the semi-circle I've seen like an aerial view, all right, burning man at night from the sky.
• 54:09
  Matt: I mean it's crazy, that is crazy, it's fucking insane.
• 54:14
  Matt: It is.
• 54:14
  Matt: That is that these are crazy images.
• 54:17
  Eric: I'll give that to you matthew, how crazy would you consider a complete recreation of mr rogers house, complete with studio seating.
• 54:26
  Matt: That's a, that's a burn.
• 54:28
  Matt: That has to have happened now that's fake.
• 54:30
  Matt: I made that up you made that up, huh, yeah, wow, wow you, and you placed it well, because my expectations are gone Like I have.
• 54:40
  Matt: No, I'm just shooting from the hip now.
• 54:43
  Eric: Bro, this is what Burning Man's about.
• 54:46
  Eric: It's about breaking down those barriers, man.
• 54:49
  Matt: Are you sure?
• 54:49
  Matt: I think it's about risking your life to do mushrooms in the desert, but which is also completely accurate.
• 54:58
  Eric: But okay, a train station oh, I'm gonna say bust, and you're gonna say it's true, somehow it is true, someone, literally they built that, it has, it has like it's like the little, the little, it's the little, like station they.
• 55:14
  Eric: They laid down 10 feet of track and put a little a little oh my god people I, I saw pictures, matt.
• 55:23
  Eric: Somebody built an entire hillbilly shack, like, like, like.
• 55:26
  Eric: It looks like a like like you'd see it on the bottle of the, on the side of the old bottles of mountain dew.
• 55:31
  Eric: Hillbilly shack golly okay.
• 55:34
  Matt: Reported stolen a five gallon bucket of pcp I'm gonna say bust, that is fake, I made that up.
• 55:44
  Matt: Okay, I was gonna say uh, come on it just didn't sound.
• 55:47
  Eric: This weekend I'm going to the beach, nice nice.
• 55:52
  Matt: Don't you be digging a big hole and leaving it Once?
• 55:54
  Matt: You'd be digging a big hole and leaving it Continue.
• 55:58
  Matt: Woman who did not know she was pregnant, spontaneously delivered her baby in an RV camper.
• 56:10
  Matt: I'm going to say burn.
• 56:11
  Eric: You are correct that happened this year.
• 56:15
  Matt: Oh, that is reminiscent, though not directly the thing of a very popular and funny moment of the Righteous Gemstones.
• 56:25
  Matt: Something similar takes place, but not quite the same.
• 56:28
  Eric: I need to get back to the Righteous.
• 56:30
  Matt: Gemstones.
• 56:30
  Eric: God it's so good, it's so good.
• 56:32
  Eric: I fucking love it, it's so good.
• 56:34
  Matt: It's so brilliantly written.
• 56:35
  Matt: It's so heartfelt and satirical at the same it it's so good, it's so brilliantly written.
• 56:37
  Matt: It's so heartfelt and satirical at the same time.
• 56:39
  Matt: It's great.
• 56:39
  Matt: Danny McBride, I'm going to follow you into the goddamn dark.
• 56:43
  Eric: You want to talk about heartfelt speed dating for dogs?
• 56:47
  Eric: Bust, that is a bust.
• 56:49
  Eric: I made that up.
• 56:50
  Eric: Pets are actually not allowed at Burning man.
• 56:53
  Matt: Oh well, yeah, we wouldn't want a dog to die out there.
• 56:56
  Eric: Now 5000.
• 56:56
  Eric: Man, oh what well, yeah, we wouldn't want a dog to die out there.
• 56:57
  Eric: Now, 5 000 bicycles left behind in the desert burn.
• 57:01
  Eric: Yes, that is is a very.
• 57:03
  Eric: This is.
• 57:04
  Eric: This is one of like the while.
• 57:06
  Eric: I love the spirit of burning man, I love like the energy, like that whole idea.
• 57:10
  Eric: The people who attend it nowadays are mostly because it's like a 600 ticket just to get in, so like it's mostly trust fund kids just going to party in the desert.
• 57:23
  Eric: A lot of people buy all of this gear.
• 57:25
  Eric: They will leave thousands of bikes.
• 57:27
  Eric: They'll leave entire rv campers.
• 57:29
  Eric: They'll leave tents campers yeah, they're because.
• 57:33
  Eric: Because it's just, they're a bunch of rich fucking kids who to them, it's just way more of a hassle to get it out than it is to just fucking leave it, damn.
• 57:42
  Eric: And then, finally, matthew security offers at Burning man are lovingly nicknamed Bummer man.
• 57:48
  Eric: Hmm, bust, that is correct.
• 57:51
  Eric: I made that up, nice, nice.
• 57:54
  Eric: So, let me run this through.
• 57:55
  Eric: So there were 20, 20 of these.
• 57:58
  Eric: You got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven over, 50, over 50, I'll take it d's get degrees baby d d's get degrees, degrees oh, I actually just saw the picture of all the bikes left after Burning man 2017.
• 58:17
  Eric: Jesus Christ, Brand new bikes.
• 58:20
  Matt: Yeah, it does look honestly.
• 58:22
  Matt: Oh my God, Matt abandoned property and vehicles.
• 58:26
  Matt: It really does honestly look like something you'd see after like a hurricane came through a town.
• 58:32
  Eric: Yeah, there's actually like a lot of business for like junk scavengers and stuff, like they'll just come collect all the bikes and then sell, resell them.
• 58:41
  Matt: Well, sure, yeah.
• 58:42
  Matt: I mean, why wouldn't you?
• 58:44
  Matt: Why wouldn't you Exactly?
• 58:46
  Eric: But, thank you, this has been Burn or Bust.
• 58:48
  Eric: Burn or Bust, matt.
• 58:50
  Eric: I'm not even going to ever.
• 58:52
  Eric: I'm not even going to insult you by even asking if you would ever even consider going to Burning man.
• 58:59
  Matt: I would not consider going to Burning man.
• 59:01
  Eric: No, no, I think I.
• 59:03
  Eric: Well, I know I can get you into a mosh pit for $1,000.
• 59:06
  Eric: Yeah, I mean the price might be going up on that, but yeah, I could offer you all expenses paid into Burning man, and I think that'd be a hard sell.
• 59:14
  Matt: I don't think so.
• 59:15
  Matt: I don't think you're ever gonna get me there for any purpose, let alone the fact that I can almost guarantee I don't know a single fucking musician that's going to be playing there.
• 59:24
  Matt: Beyond that fact, bro, you don't fuck with didgeridoo, I do.
• 59:32
  Matt: Uh, didgeridoo is a is a handy weapon that can be used in hitman 3 no actually I think, it's hitman 2 that it first appears.
• 59:40
  Matt: The new hitman 2, the world of assassination trilogy, didgeridoo damn boy, didgeridoo damn boy.
• 59:47
  Eric: It can be used as weapon didgeridangs would be another good boy scout cookie didgeridangs yes, that's that's.
• 59:56
  Eric: That's their answer to the samoa there you go there you go the didgeridangs, the didgeridangs.
• 1:00:03
  Matt: There you go, and that'll about do it, I think for this.
• 1:00:05
  Matt: That'll about do it this, this rambling and brambling episode of you didn't ask for this.
• 1:00:11
  Matt: Folks, we do need your questions, of course, and we still want those suggestions for definitive rankings.
• 1:00:20
  Matt: If you want to sell them in it's been a minute and we want to do one, get one back.
• 1:00:25
  Matt: If you got your daft and afraid suggestions, throw them our way.
• 1:00:28
  Matt: Really, any old thing you want to throw our way, you can at.
• 1:00:33
  Matt: You didn't ask for this gmailcom, that's all spelled out.
• 1:00:36
  Matt: You didn't ask pod on Instagramcom, that's all spelled out.
• 1:00:37
  Matt: You didn't ask pod on Instagram, tiktok, et cetera, et cetera.
• 1:00:40
  Matt: Or, of course, you could just shoot us a message when you join the discord, which, of course, you'd have to do via the.
• 1:00:47
  Eric: Patreon, eric, for $1 a month you can be a member of the Udaft Patreon and at the $1 tier you get access to the Discord, where, I must say, the vibes it's like Burning man, but electronically oh yeah, it's on fire.
• 1:01:09
  Matt: We have our own orgy dome.
• 1:01:10
  Eric: I was bro, you beat me to it.
• 1:01:12
  Eric: I was about, in fact, right now, matt, you're going to name a channel orgy dome I'm with no explanation with no context with no context I support whatsoever and do we agree right now that we just do not?
• 1:01:25
  Eric: If they ask about it, we don't, we don't even address it uh, yeah, we'll just say don't know what are you talking about?
• 1:01:32
  Matt: what are you?
• 1:01:33
  Eric: talking about?
• 1:01:34
  Eric: Um, let me see, let me just get in here and we are recording this the day that oops all tangents, 12 drops so people are gonna think it has to do with.
• 1:01:42
  Eric: Oh, I don't know why I'm doing this on my phone when I have there we go and speaking of while eric's creating that channel.
• 1:01:49
  Matt: Speaking of, oops, all tangents.
• 1:01:50
  Matt: You get that for four dollars a month.
• 1:01:52
  Matt: It is a bonus.
• 1:01:53
  Matt: Episode comes out once a month.
• 1:01:54
  Matt: It's just like this, this episode, only it's all tangenty.
• 1:01:58
  Matt: And sometimes we tell personal stories of things like my engagement and Eric's hot date in Pennsylvania.
• 1:02:07
  Eric: Oh yeah, my hot-ass date in Pennsylvania.
• 1:02:09
  Eric: It was so good it was.
• 1:02:10
  Eric: It was very good.
• 1:02:12
  Matt: So those are the kind of things you can hear on Oops All Tangents $4 a month.
• 1:02:17
  Matt: You didn't ask Patreoncom slash.
• 1:02:19
  Matt: You didn't ask for this.
• 1:02:21
  Eric: Bam.
• 1:02:22
  Matt: And now we've got a weird channel called Orgy Dome, the Orgy Dome, and with that, I think that'll about do it for all of us here.
• 1:02:29
  Matt: That'll do it At.
• 1:02:30
  Matt: You Didn't Ask For this.
• 1:02:31
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea, my name's Eric Poach and listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:02:38
  Eric: But I just want to take a moment to thank you again for watching 2001, the Space Odyssey.
• 1:02:45
  Eric: And you know when I first started filming this movie, I get a lot of comments.
• 1:02:50
  Eric: People ask me Stanley, this is Stanley.
• 1:02:53
  Eric: I say yes, yes, sir or ma'am.
• 1:02:55
  Eric: They say Stanley, why do you take such long shots, with the slow zooming in and not changing the perspective of the shot for a long time?
• 1:03:04
  Eric: It's so brilliant.
• 1:03:05
  Eric: Why wouldn't Spidey do that?
• 1:03:06
  Eric: And, honestly, that's when I tell them.
• 1:03:08
  Eric: I'm going to be perfectly honest with you One day.
• 1:03:11
  Stanley Kubrick: I just got a little distracted by what have you and whatnot and I just forgot to turn off the camera.
• 1:03:18
  Matt: I forgot to say cut.
• 1:03:19
  Matt: I'm going to let him go.
• 1:03:20
  Stanley Kubrick: And they just kept standing there letting me film.
• 1:03:23
  Stanley Kubrick: So I said you know what, why don't we take a chance on this little happy accident?
• 1:03:33
  Stanley Kubrick: You know, when I think about the most difficult part of filming the moon landing and starting to shine, it was getting all those little wise captions.
• 1:03:42
  Stanley Kubrick: Neil Armstrong started jacking it until