Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Always Changes Their Mind
Transcript
- Lucas: Alright, let's talk about a boss who can't stick with a decision. Luna: The flip-flopper. I think everyone's had one at some point. Lucas: Exactly. Monday morning they tell you to go all-in on Project A. By Tuesday afternoon they're asking why you haven't started on Project B. By Thursday they're back to A with some tweaks. And you're stuck redoing work, burning time, and looking like the one who's confused. Luna: And it's exhausting because you never know which version of reality you're supposed to operate in. Lucas: So why do managers do this? I think there are three main drivers. One — they're conflict-averse. They say yes to whoever they spoke with last, so their direction changes depending on who's in the room. Two — they lack clear data. If they're deciding based on gut and a gut changes with the wind, you get whiplash. Three — they're trying to please everyone up the chain, so every time their own boss breathes a new idea, it becomes your new priority. Luna: That third one is brutal. You're not just managing your boss, you're managing the ghost of their boss. Lucas: Right. And the problem is, the flip-flopping creates real cost. A study from the Project Management Institute a few years back found that poor requirement changes — meaning, scope changes driven by indecision — are a top-three cause of project failure. It's not just annoying, it's expensive. Luna: So what do you do when you're on the receiving end? I mean, you can't exactly tell your boss 'stop being indecisive.' Lucas: No, but you can change the structure around them. I want to talk about a specific tactic that I've seen work really well. It's something I call the 'decision log.' A friend of mine — she's a product manager at a midsize cybersecurity company — was dealing with a VP who reversed course constantly. She started keeping a shared document, very simple, with three columns: date, decision made, and who requested it. After every meeting where a decision was reached, she'd send a one-line Slack message: 'Just to keep us aligned, I've logged our decision from today — feel free to flag anything by EOD.' Luna: And that actually worked? Lucas: It did. She told me that in the first month, her boss reversed decisions about seven times. By month three, it was down to about two or three. The log created a subtle accountability mechanism. It wasn't confrontational — she wasn't saying 'you changed your mind again.' She was just saying 'here's what we agreed on.' And because it was written, the boss had to actively contradict his own documented words to reverse course. Luna: I love that because it's not about calling someone out. It's about creating a shared record that makes flip-flopping visible. Lucas: Exactly. And if the boss does reverse, you have a clean way to ask: 'I see we're pivoting from our log entry from Tuesday. Can you help me understand what's changed so I can update the record?' That forces them to articulate their reasoning. Luna: But what if the boss just ignores the log? Or says 'I don't have time for that'? Lucas: Then you frame it differently. Say 'this log is helping me prioritize my work correctly. If I don't have a single source of truth, I'm going to make mistakes that cost the team time.' You're making it about efficiency, not about them. Most managers will go along with something that reduces their own risk of looking disorganized. Luna: That's smart. You're basically giving them a tool to be more decisive. Lucas: Right. And you can add a fourth column: 'next check-in.' If the decision is about something that may legitimately change — like a feature that depends on customer feedback — you set a date to revisit it. That way, the boss has a scheduled time to flip, and it doesn't feel like a surprise. Luna: So you're building in a 'change window' rather than letting changes happen randomly. Lucas: Exactly. It's like setting a recurring meeting to change your mind. That alone can reduce the frequency because now the boss has to wait until the next window. Luna: I think there's also a cultural layer here. Some organizations reward decisiveness, but they also reward agility. And sometimes 'agile' gets used as an excuse to flip-flop. Lucas: That's a great point. 'We're agile' becomes a cover for never committing. But real agility means making a decision and then adapting based on evidence, not whim. The decision log helps distinguish between 'we changed because we learned something' and 'we changed because someone new walked into the room.' Luna: So what about the person who's dealing with a boss who flip-flops AND is also a micromanager? That feels like a nightmare combo. Lucas: It is. With that combo, the indecision is often driven by lack of trust. They don't trust you to execute without oversight, so they keep pulling levers. In that case, the decision log serves double duty. It shows you're on top of things, which builds trust over time. But you also need to set boundaries: 'I'm going to proceed with this direction unless I hear otherwise by end of day Friday.' Give them a deadline to override you. Luna: That's a power move in a polite package. You're taking control of the timeline. Lucas: And if they do override you, you log that too. Over time, you'll have a record of how many times they changed direction. That data can be useful if you ever need to have a bigger conversation about project delays or resource waste. Luna: Let me play devil's advocate for a second. Could this approach backfire? If your boss feels like you're documenting their every move, they might see it as passive-aggressive. Lucas: It can, if you're not careful about tone. The key is to frame it as a tool for you, not a leash for them. Say 'I'm using this to stay organized' not 'I'm tracking your decisions.' And keep it in a shared space with edit access, so it's collaborative, not a gotcha document. If the boss wants to delete or change something, they can. That reduces the threat. Luna: That makes sense. And I guess if they delete entries that make them look bad, that's a different conversation entirely. Lucas: Right. At that point, you're into gaslighting territory, and that's a separate episode. Luna: We did that one. Episode 31. Lucas: We did. So back to the flip-flopper — let's talk about what happens when you've tried the log and it's not working. Maybe the boss just doesn't engage. Luna: Then you might need to escalate or change your own expectations. But I think for a lot of people, starting with a simple shared document is a low-risk, high-upside move. Lucas: Exactly. And if you can get even a 50 percent reduction in reversals, that's hours of wasted work saved every week. I'll take that. Luna: Speaking of saving time and energy — and I know this is a bit of a pivot — but something that keeps this show running without ads or sponsors is that a small number of listeners support us directly. Lucas: Yeah, it's true. We don't run ads, we don't have a corporate backer. It's just a handful of people who chip in a few bucks a month at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. And that's literally what covers the hosting, the editing, everything. Luna: If you've ever gotten something useful out of an episode — maybe a tactic you actually used at work — that's the kind of listener who keeps us going. No pressure, just putting it out there. Lucas: Right. And we're back to the decision log. So let's talk about one more nuance: what if you're the boss and you realize you're the flip-flopper? Luna: Ooh, self-awareness. That's a rare trait. Lucas: It is. But if you're a manager listening, and you suspect you might be doing this, start your own decision log. Write down what you decide and why. If you find yourself reversing without a good reason, that's a signal to slow down before you change direction. Luna: And your team will thank you for it. Lucas: Exactly. So to wrap up: if you're dealing with a boss who changes their mind constantly, try the decision log. Keep it simple, keep it collaborative, and let the data do the talking. If nothing else, it'll save you some sanity. Luna: And if you have a tactic that worked for you, we'd love to hear about it. Maybe we'll feature it in a future episode. Lucas: Absolutely. Until next time.