Latest / Pod Therapy / #379: Toxic Workplace Trauma, Anxiety after Layoff, Sentimental Hoarding

Transcript

#379: Toxic Workplace Trauma, Anxiety after Layoff, Sentimental Hoarding · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'm also a Scottish lord.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: Nice.
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my brother in law did that internet thing where
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: you like submit your name to the like Scotland and
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: you get like a postage stamp piece of land and oh.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: So are you Irish?
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: No Scottish, No Scottish, Kentucky knees. I think this is
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: probably part of it, but uh yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: The point is fucking lord something like that, something like that.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: I should probably pull up my script.
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: Problem fabulous love, Yet, this is pod therapy, real people,
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: real problems, and real therapists. You can submit your questions
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: anonymously at podtherapy dot net or email us at podtherapy
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: Guys at gmail dot com. And now broadcasting from the
• 0:44
  Speaker 4: Churn with many special guests Janet, Kelly, Kelly Anne and
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: doctor Jared, It's time for some pod therapy.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Welcome everybody to an exciting new day in pod therapy history.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: We got rid of those scrubs Whitney and Nick for
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: disciplinary reasons. Bullying will not be tolerated anymore on this
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: show thanks to hr director Doctor Jacob's right. Thanks buddy,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: the you've got backing me up stage in a coup.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: That's right, and we have invited colleagues from the community.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: We've got three great therapists here.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: Four.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I guess I should count myself, but first time probably
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: just stick with three. So if you'd like to get
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: to know our co host even deeper, go to patreon
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: dot com slash therapy. You can join the pre show
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: hangout where we do a deep dive and they tell
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: us about their careers and their backgrounds and their populations.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: But for the main show audience, I will reintroduce them
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: and have them share just a few words about their background. Janet,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: tell us about your background in a sentence.
• 1:43
  Speaker 5: I'm Janet. I'm a registered play therapist supervisor, and I
• 1:47
  Speaker 5: like to build Lego for a living.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I love it. Have you ever gone to Lego Land?
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: No?
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Oh my god? It rules. They have a miniature Las Vegas.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: I've heard it's the best. Yeah, what, I didn't actually.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Call it Reno?
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Take that. You know you are less than backgrounds.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I didn't ask anybody's license, which is a great opportunity
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: to educate the public about are different licenses, because there
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: are different ones.
• 2:11
  Speaker 5: Which ones are I am a marriage and family therapist
• 2:13
  Speaker 5: and I'm also a supervisor for our board here.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, are you really you're on the board of examiners.
• 2:18
  Speaker 5: No, No, I'm a supervisor of new intern therapists.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Ah, got it okay? Because I was about to shit
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: a brick. Is that would have scared me. I have
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: a phobia of all the board members because I have
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: been doing a dumb ass podcast for eight years and
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I'm really hoping they'll never figure it out. And so
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I bumped into one randomly and he did know about it. Yeah, Jack,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: they all know about it. I lied to him, Remember,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: I told him that doesn't exist, and he's an idiot,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: and I think that he may have known that I
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: was lying since he's.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: He definitely did.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, gas lighting board members maybe not a good idea.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Board member.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: A quick quicker recap for the story.
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: Board member confronts Jim about not confronts, but just mentions
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: the podcast. Yeah, says like publicly and the podcast going basically,
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: and Jim's response was to panic and say.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: It did not go well. It did not go well.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: That's not me.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Insulting a board member in front of the public
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: bad idea, especially when you're saying they're lying about a
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: thing that they're not lying about and you're the liar, right,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: my bad, Hi kelly An, tell us about your background
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: and what's your license.
• 3:20
  Speaker 6: Background is couples, as far as a marriage therapist focusing
• 3:25
  Speaker 6: on couples, but as far as the when you were
• 3:28
  Speaker 6: talking about the letters, the letters, Yes, in Tennessee are
• 3:31
  Speaker 6: different than in Nevada.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Ah, that's right, mental health counselor.
• 3:34
  Speaker 6: Yes, I'm a Mental Health Service Provider LPC out of
• 3:37
  Speaker 6: Tennessee and then in Nevada LCPS.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: The letters got clinical professional counsel.
• 3:43
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I did LPC, but my sign says c LPC.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Right, yes, it's the alphabet soup.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so all the letters confuse me.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Find out what it means to me.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Ritha and doctor Jared. Tell about your background
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: and tell us about your license.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'd just like to have another PhD in the room.
• 4:07
  Speaker 7: Actually, yes, yes, so yeah, clinical psychologist. I work mostly
• 4:16
  Speaker 7: with adults.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Now, because you mentioned the side, I want the
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: public to understand a little bit of the difference there.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: So most folks when they hear about a doctorate, they
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: hear PhD. As Jacob just said, SID is a doctorate,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: but it does have a different kind of slant to it.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Teach us about what that is.
• 4:31
  Speaker 7: It's it's more the it was more focused on in
• 4:36
  Speaker 7: the room study, so more of the micro world of
• 4:41
  Speaker 7: psychology versus the macro versus the research base. There's a
• 4:44
  Speaker 7: lot of research, but we were not made to do
• 4:47
  Speaker 7: as much research in the field as we were to
• 4:51
  Speaker 7: follow the research and apply it into the clinical.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So what I've I've seen a little bit in
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: the field of clinical psychologists. The emphasis historically has been
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: a lot of research. They're scientists, you know, they do
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: a lot of science, and sometimes in the field clinical
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: was sort of seen as like the other group, like
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: they're not as many people were interested in clinical. But
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: now there's been a real transformation with the side emphasis
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: to say, no, we're going to specialize in clinical work
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: and still do research, but de emphasize that and emphasize
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: more than hearing. Now the practical applied psychology. Yes, excellent.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: I'd rather have that than a researcher. Nobody likes a
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: nerd Jared to do that. Okay, Well, as long as
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: you're a cool nerd and Jared's wearing a leather fucking jacket, Yeah,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: you showed up. You're hiding the nerd them very very well,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: so we've got some great questions for today's show, and
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: the first one that we're starting off with is moving
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: on from a toxic workplace. And the writer says, Hi, there,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: I've been listening for a couple of years now, and
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: like a good lurker, waited to write in until you
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: mentioned your your question Q being low, then waited another
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: couple of months.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: That's what we're looking for.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Thank you, we got around to a good job writer.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I'm a twenty four year old man and graduated from
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: college two years ago. When I graduated, I was full
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: of hope and optimism after a challenging but ultimately rewarding
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: COVID College experience as an environmental science major. I had
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: just received a job offer from a small consulting firm
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: where they claimed I'd quickly build applicable skills, network and
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: gain positive work experiences. But I was too green and
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: too desperate for a job to recognize the red flags
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: during the interview process. After all, they flew me out
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: to meet the team and look for apartments, and they
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: gave off a good vibe at the time.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, how they fly you out for the gig
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: to like check on the gig?
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: To do all the tuff. Man, it's a good move.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: It's such a flex. Honestly, I'll take a job if
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: you just buy me dinner, like you don't have to
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: fly me nowhere, like just be like, hey man, here's
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: a mac and cheese and a cup about Oh shit.
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: I went and looked at something today for podcasting stuff,
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: and the guy that we were looking at it with,
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: I'm being intentionally vague. You might find out more about
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: it later, yeah, but rogan, but go on, that's it.
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: Then the guy went out to look at this stuff with.
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: When we were leaving, he gave us each bags of
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: really nice chips, like potato chips.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: You got grab bags, and we were like goodie bags.
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: We were out until now give a bag of really
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: nice dead chips that we're in or make kettle chips.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Damn it, ah, writer, I feel you. I moved from
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Michigan to Tennessee. Hey, Kelly An with my wonderful you
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: know Kelly An. Yeah, I assume I assume y'all have
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: dated at some point. Yeah, possibly probably with my wonderful girlfriend.
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: Oh shoot.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: The rival shows up and at first all seemed well.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: After a couple of weeks of onboarding and training. I
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: was traveling, learning how to write reports, and things were good.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: But one month into the job that changed permanently. My
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: boss called me into our conference room, where there were
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: seventeen I shouted, stacks of hundreds of pages of paper.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: After a very brief explanation, it became my job to
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: go through every pile and manually enter every table into EXCEL.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I think that's a human rights violation. That's like a
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: getst the Geneva conventions. I don't think it's a loud ten.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I believe I would just laugh. I'd be like, I can't, sorry.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: You just gotta knock over one pile and just run.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: That's how you get them. Tens of thousands of lines
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: of data, thousands of tables, all poorly photocopied. Jesus, so
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: no automation was possible. If this had been the job
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I signed up for, fine, but I had signed up
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: for travel and fieldwork, not soul crushing data entry stuck
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: in an office all day. This dragged on for a
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: month and a half and caused me a ton of stress.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: There was no set dead yeah, Jesus, no set deadline,
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: no clear expectations, and my engineer boss was a terrible
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: communicator who constantly moved the goalposts. I'd spend days on
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: something only to have him change his mind and make
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: all that work useless. He was generally a pleasant guy,
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: but I dreaded asking him questions because it usually made
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: things worse instead of giving me the answers I needed.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: There was no other work to do. It was this
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: or nothing. Not only that, but aside from one other
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: new hire, I was by far the youngest person at
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: the company, which made fitting in impossible. I also wasn't
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: getting much support from my managers or coworkers, so I
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: just felt completely alone in it. By my second month,
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: I knew I wanted to leave, which was devastating. I'd
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: moved halfway across the country, dragging my girlfriend with me,
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: thankfully she had a remote job, and left my family
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: and friends behind. I never felt like I had made
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: such a massive mistake in my life. I also felt
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: trapped because breaking our lease and moving again would have
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: been expensive, and I didn't want to move back in
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: with my parents. Sure, I started job searching in April
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: and was lucky enough to land a role in state
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: government near the Gulf of Mexico.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: What's that it used to be a body of water.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, golf something it's golf. I think that's right. Yeah,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I think we'll correct that for you. Writer the golf
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: of Freedom, God Freedom, and shrimp on Freedom, the Freedom Water.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: I quit unceremoniously and last September moved That's freedom, moved
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: halfway across the country again. My new job is so
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: much better. My coworkers are great, my supervisors are supportive,
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: and while the work is a little dry, it actually
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: feels meaningful. I'm doing everything I had hoped to do
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: at my last job. Mineus the travel and field work,
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: but that's okay with me for now. My girlfriend has
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: been nothing but supportive through all these moves, which I'm
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: so grateful for. But here's the problem. I've been struggling
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: or It's been eight months and I'm still struggling to
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: move on. I think about that job almost every day,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: and sometimes I feel myself falling back into the anxiety
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: spirals I had last year. I think about the scary situations,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: the times I was angry at leadership, the constant fear
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: of not doing enough work. Even now, I still feel
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: like I have to be productive all the time. Both
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: in and out of work, and it's exhausting. I do
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: genuinely want to be learning new things, but it's so
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: hard when it also feels like something I have to do,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: So therapists, How do I leave this experience behind? I
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: feel like it's getting in the way of my day
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: to day life and mental well being, and I just
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: want to be rid of this baggage, thinks anonymous. Damn
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: good letter. Is anybody ever been haunted by a job?
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Because I still have nightmares of being a server at
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: a Cocos. Do you all ever remember Cocos?
• 11:34
  Speaker 6: It's like endless bacon.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Hell, yeah, I know right, I mean it's the krem
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Dela Creme. Little confused when I order the flag, but yeah,
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: over pancakes, That's what I'm looking for. Stake inflaming. No,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: But so I used to go work at Cocos, which
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: was like a three course restaurant, so they did breakfast,
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: lungeon dinner. I'd finish my night shift, I go, and
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I'd have to work the next morning. I would dream
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: about the job all night, So the whole night I'm
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: dreaming about serving And it wasn't like a cool dream.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: It's like just remembering orders and just walking up to
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: tables and then I'd wake up and be like I
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: have to go to work and like this is the worst,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: like being it is the absolute. I just worked three
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: shifts and I didn't get paid for one of them.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: It sucked. So we need to talk about trauma. Jared.
• 12:20
  Speaker 7: Yeah, well, and this job sounds like my personal hell.
• 12:25
  Speaker 7: Like oh, like I mean imagine being this kid, like
• 12:30
  Speaker 7: he was like what four yeah, so he's like first job, yeah,
• 12:35
  Speaker 7: and you're all by yourself. I mean he brought his girlfriend,
• 12:37
  Speaker 7: So there's that pressure, right, and like you're just stuck
• 12:41
  Speaker 7: in a room and look at this, you go mad
• 12:43
  Speaker 7: in like type it in by hand, type in all
• 12:47
  Speaker 7: of these things by hand.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I feel like if it was purgatory, I'd believe it.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: If there was like a page in the Bible that
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: was like, hey, this ship will happen, you'd be like,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: all right, let's double think this, you know, a fuck
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: around and find out with ex sells spreadsheets.
• 12:59
  Speaker 7: That's not and this person had to do this for months. Yeah,
• 13:03
  Speaker 7: so like of course you're going to think about that,
• 13:04
  Speaker 7: Like that would be haunting experience.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: Can you imagine doing it right and then going to
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: your boss and just being like, hey, really quick, did
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: you want this on blue or yellow papers? Like actually,
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: I want it all in Chinese? Like oh yeah, I'll
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: just go yeah.
• 13:19
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: So when you're haunted, you're haunted by some kind of
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: terrible situation, some kind of terrible job. You're in a
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: new job, things are going better, but you're like still
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: thinking about this. How do we deal with sticky thoughts?
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 13:32
  Speaker 7: I think like one of the things is you're trying
• 13:34
  Speaker 7: to get rid of it real fast, and I get it,
• 13:37
  Speaker 7: but like that's a lot to feel and you probably
• 13:40
  Speaker 7: couldn't let yourself feel a lot of those feelings while
• 13:42
  Speaker 7: you were in it because I just had to get
• 13:44
  Speaker 7: through it.
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, and I had had another and hadn't had
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: another big job before the first time out of college.
• 13:51
  Speaker 9: You first, Yeah, okay, it was he got to do
• 14:00
  Speaker 9: the job, and maybe they had good intentions at first,
• 14:03
  Speaker 9: but then they needed this shitty thing done right, right.
• 14:06
  Speaker 5: He was the youngest there, so let's get yeah, right.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: He has energy or whatever, like yeah, yeah, he can
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: ruin his eyes on all this fine print save our own.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: So what you're saying there is give yourself some credit
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: that over time, the power of these thoughts will probably diminish.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: It's just happened and your immediate past, and.
• 14:26
  Speaker 7: You're processing them right now, right, Yeah, and it's it's
• 14:31
  Speaker 7: not a small thing. So it's like I get that
• 14:33
  Speaker 7: you want it to be over because you're like, it
• 14:34
  Speaker 7: happened eight months ago, but you're probably just starting to process.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I still have food in my fridge from eight months ago.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so like I'm not forgetting a traumatic experience
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: from eight months ago.
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: Well, and the more jobs you're gonna have, the more job,
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: the more you're not gonna think all the time about this.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: That is a good point. There's a dilution that that's
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: to happen. When you've had twenty jobs, you don't remember
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: your shittiest one that bad. When you've had two, you're
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: very aware.
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Or when you're in it, when you're actively in it,
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: you're so kind of in it a few months out
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: like that's yeah.
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: And eventually it becomes a punchline. My first job was
• 15:06
  Speaker 5: I was Chucky at Chuck E Cheese in the mouse suit.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Were you really that flex?
• 15:13
  Speaker 7: Hell?
• 15:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's so cool. That was awful. And also I
• 15:17
  Speaker 5: still work with kids. Yes, it's just not climbing on
• 15:19
  Speaker 5: me in.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Was prologue in this case. That is so cool. Ah,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: that is a big flex. Now was that a good
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: job for you or are you traumatized by that job?
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: I didn't like making pizza. I liked making the pizza
• 15:30
  Speaker 5: as long as there's no mushrooms.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: It bothers me that the Chuck E Cheese impersonator was also,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: what do you mean impersonator? Well, clearly you're not the
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: real Chucky Cheese. It's clearly an act.
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: There's also a somatic component. He had to pick up
• 15:46
  Speaker 5: the paper, look at the paper, type the paper.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh, I didn't even think about that. Like
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: the neurons that fire together, wire together. This poor son
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: bitch is sitting there. Can you imagine what a bad job? Yeah?
• 16:02
  Speaker 7: Like God, and and he feels completely alone. He's in
• 16:04
  Speaker 7: a new city, he doesn't know anybody.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how these people are older.
• 16:08
  Speaker 5: And he didn't say if there's a feeling of failure,
• 16:10
  Speaker 5: like I couldn't do that job so I had to leave. Yeah,
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: and also like give himself some credit. He recognized this
• 16:15
  Speaker 5: as toxic. This is not normal.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. See, okay, so when we talk about toxic jobs,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I want to remind the audience that Kelly Ann was
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: a cop. So we think about tough jobs, we think
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: about jobs that haunt you. You were a cop for
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: like fifteen years before you joined the light side of
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: the force and became a therapist. I imagine you carry
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: some of that job with you even as you move
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: on from it. Right, how do you let go of
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: that over time?
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: I don't know that you let it go.
• 16:42
  Speaker 6: You just learned to kind of let it be acceptance.
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: Maybe.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's deep. It oftens, Yeah, hashtag deep. That was
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: really cool. So advice to a writer who's saying, you
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: know what, I am haunted by these intrusive thoughts, like
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: I'm trying, I'm happy, I mean, and I think we
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: can relate this to a lot of things that job.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: As Jared was saying, relationships is another good metaphor here,
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: where it's like you're a lot of people are still
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: haunted by their last relationship, by their ex A lot
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: of people after you move out from your parents and
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: you're living on your own, you're still haunted by the
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: dynamics of that old household. And we get these intrusive
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: thoughts and we kind of feel like, man, like I
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: just want to be present. I want to be in
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: the now, but I'm constantly like being taken back to
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: bad past experiences. Thoughts on how we start to let
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: that stuff go or transcend it or reframe it, Like
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: how do we give advice on that?
• 17:29
  Speaker 5: Our thoughts on aren't always the truth? Right, Our brain
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: doesn't always tell us the truth. And it's just a thought.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: My brain's a fucking life. Yeah.
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: Sometimes, like if you can say, well, there's an interesting
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: thought I'm having, I wonder what else is happening.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: Go on with that?
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: So it's a thought I'm having, I'm thinking about that paper. Well,
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: am I tired? Do I need to rest? Am I thirsty?
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: I'm I hungry?
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: What's true?
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: Do I need to move my body? What do I
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: actually need? Because it's not it's just a thought, But
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: there's your body has a feeling before your brain has
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: a thought. There's microseconds between. I like that, which people
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: don't realize. They think their brain's in charge of everything.
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: But that's incorrect.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: I'm in charge of anything, not my stupid brain feelings first. Right,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: So you're kind of saying, writer, be very mindful. Do
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: some kind of audits of your life comes up? What's
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: happened that's really going on?
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: And it's just the thought.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Can you imagine every time this dude touches a piece.
• 18:19
  Speaker 7: Of paper right, and is the same at this job.
• 18:24
  Speaker 7: So I'm sure it's like somewhat triggering. Even if it's going.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: Well, he has to type something.
• 18:29
  Speaker 7: Sometimes even on a good day, you'd be like, remember
• 18:31
  Speaker 7: when I had that bad.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Like it's gonna haunting. I remember when I became a
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: therapist and every time I had to serve a bowl
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: of soup, I was like being a waiter sucks comes
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: up more often than you think, a lot of people
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: ask for super therapy. Yeah, you guys don't do soup therapy, amateurs. Jesus,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: I didn't realize I've invited the be squad.
• 18:50
  Speaker 7: I was always getting my rug.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: I had to stop the soup. It was getting everywhere.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: The cleaning bills were over ages.
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: We make slime soup, you know, Oh you do.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Sure, payrapy kind of rule. I know, Like I've always
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: been like scared of it, but you're really selling of course,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: just come over, that's right.
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: And that was one thing I was thinking, is I
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: was listening to you read the letter, like what is
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: he doing? That is allowing himself to enjoy life. Is
• 19:19
  Speaker 5: he remembering like this was hard and I made it
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: through it, and like it doesn't own me anymore.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Celebrating, celebrating the differences. You know, when you think about
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: patients that you've had that are coming from difficult things,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: that that have maybe lowercase T trauma, you know, and
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: they're haunted by it, like there's been an imprint at
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: the back trauma. There you go, all caps caps.
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: Lost the trauma trauma.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Is it all sucks? But you know you think about
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: these haunting experiences and I like this point of noticing
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: body work essentially, but like noticing what's leading to it,
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: discerning the difference between the fact and the feeling, reminding yourself,
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not in that old space anymore, celebrating the differences,
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: which I think is kind of a seeking safety behavior
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: to sort of say this is different. You're in a
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: better place now. I like this job, your.
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: A system is constantly seeking for safety job.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: And you're being haunted by like that old sense of
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: danger and like feeling like you're not enough. How do
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: we feel about things like mindfulness self talk? Does anybody
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: incorporate that into their practice work?
• 20:20
  Speaker 6: At all.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: Also self compassion. I like that have compassion, not self care.
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: Self compassion is like oh sweetheart, are you okay? I'm
• 20:30
  Speaker 5: patting my chest because that's what I do when I
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: feel overwhelmed.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and just talking to yourself.
• 20:35
  Speaker 5: What do you need?
• 20:36
  Speaker 6: I think the name name entertainment, bringing the emotion piece.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Name the emotion that you're feeling. Our emotional vocabulary is terrible.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: This is on the show General, just in general.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and on the show do any of y'all on
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: this point of caveat on emotional vocab, I have like
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: a feelings wield and a lot.
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: Of oh well, I have pictures. I have all the
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: inside out stuff too.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: There you go. But like educating the client on emotional vocabulary,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: like with children it's a given, but with adults that
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: they need that too. Patience and not to be stereotypical,
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: but a lot of male patients, like I feel like
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: they've been taught to paint with like three colors, right.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: It's like I'm angry, sad or happy, and sometimes we
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: have to like get in the weeds, be like I
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: feel jilted and it's like, yes, who is truth?
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: And I asked the colors deeper, give me the color
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: of it.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, sometimes I need to paint with alchelmarine.
• 21:29
  Speaker 5: I also like the question where do you feel that
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: in your body?
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, So I've heard this approach, and I've met a
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: couple of therapists that use a lot more of that,
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: like somatic approach. Can you, for the general audience share
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: a few words about what that's about?
• 21:41
  Speaker 5: So for myself, if I feel nervous anxious, it is
• 21:44
  Speaker 5: definitely like in my solar plexus, I feel like it's tightened.
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: I can't get a big breath. Yeah, you know, if
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: I feel angry, my hands want to punch something.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:53
  Speaker 5: And emotions are something to be managed. So we talked
• 21:55
  Speaker 5: about anger management all the time, like can we express
• 21:58
  Speaker 5: anger in a safe way?
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 22:00
  Speaker 5: How do we do that?
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: There's a healthy way to deal with that feeling, even
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: the anxiety. Yes, so even we can we can regulate
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: that emotion and it's okay to feel it. So you're saying, writer,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: don't run from it, experiencing into it. Yes, I like that. Okay,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: So not flaming so serious? Don't be so serious the
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: joker advice, how do we feel about flaming? Bag of
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: dog shit at former employer? Is that tasteful?
• 22:27
  Speaker 5: I was actually just thinking getting stacks of paper, shredding
• 22:30
  Speaker 5: them and like, oh, I like that a lot to
• 22:38
  Speaker 5: get rid of it. A paper exorcism.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Have you guys seen that movie off of Space back
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: in the day where they steal the facts machine. Yeah, exactly,
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: they steal that printer or whatever. They take it out
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: in the meadow and beat the living crap out of it.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Baseball bats Ah, that would have been really good.
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: How can he create the writer creator ritual around getting
• 22:57
  Speaker 5: that out of his mind and body?
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: I like this so much. Rituals are an unused technique.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of times we get so cognitive
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: and we do so much talk therapy that we forget that.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you can do something kinetic and there's a lot
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: to that.
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and make a metaphor what does that paper represent
• 23:13
  Speaker 5: for you?
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 23:15
  Speaker 5: Being held down, being that paper's waiting on you, right,
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: you know, put something weighted on you and then remove
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: it and go, ah, I'm free.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I like that, and I like shredding the paper or
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: setting fire to the safely.
• 23:26
  Speaker 6: Safely I often tell my couples when they come in
• 23:28
  Speaker 6: to form a ritual without words. And when I first
• 23:32
  Speaker 6: say the word ritual, I'll say, yeah, I don't mean
• 23:34
  Speaker 6: sacrifice the neighborhood cat and a bmfire tonight. I mean
• 23:37
  Speaker 6: you two connecting in some way physically.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: I'm glad you brought up couples therapy because I think that.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: You brought up not burning up the data.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, ideas. All ideas are welcome, no bad ideas
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: except you know, illegal ones. But on this point of
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: like couple's therapy, you you practice EFT. We were talking
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: about this pre show and emotion focused therapy and it's
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: a very specific approach that really does embrace lot of
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: authenticity and it also is not afraid to talk about
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: like resentments and scary things. And in couple's therapy sometimes
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: we have maybe an infidelity episode or something where somebody
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: is haunted, right, and they would relate to this writer
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: and say, I know we've tried to move past this
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: and like we're trying to heal, but I'm still really
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: haunted by the old you, you know, or the way
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: you used to treat me, or the old agreement that
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: we had, or the betrayals. When somebody's carrying that into
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: therapy and couple's work coming from like maybe an eft approach.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: What might you do to sort of like start to
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: make us get beyond that?
• 24:35
  Speaker 6: Definitely, that's a level of resentment. So that resentment is
• 24:38
  Speaker 6: you didn't see me back there, and now we're moving
• 24:41
  Speaker 6: forward and I'm still stuck back here.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: So it's great. It's part of a grieving process.
• 24:46
  Speaker 6: So much like that writer, he has to grieve the
• 24:49
  Speaker 6: things he didn't get at that job. He wasn't recognized,
• 24:53
  Speaker 6: he wasn't rewarded, he wasn't anything. He was kind of
• 24:56
  Speaker 6: just dismissed. Yeah, so I think there's some grieving he
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: needs to do.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: I like that. That is a huge observation because you
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: know what, grief is one of those things. I'm so
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: glad you brought it up because a lot of times
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: people only think that we bring up grief with death, right,
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: but really a lot of us look to grieving models
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: for any significant life change, even a good life change. Yeah,
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: writer got out of a shitty job. Yeah, and you
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: wouldn't think that you need to grieve, But it kind
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: of sounds like you're saying Kelly in, Yeah, you probably do, right,
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: because there was pain back then. There was transformation. It
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: happened quickly. You're still gonna pop through those stages, and
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: you might feel a lot of anger still, you might
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: still bump around a feeling sad about it, some depression.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: But I think I'm hearing you offer that over time,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: you're gonna slide toward acceptance and this is gonna start
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: to fade away, which, Jared, seems like that kind of
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: dovetails with your original observation that given time, the impression,
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: the imprint of the trauma, it will dissipate. But it's
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: only been eight months. Give yourself some.
• 25:54
  Speaker 7: Credit here, Yeah, Yeah, And I think that goes back
• 25:56
  Speaker 7: to the self talk thing that you brought up to, right, like,
• 25:59
  Speaker 7: how are you talking to yourself right now about this?
• 26:02
  Speaker 7: Because this story could be like oh God, you should
• 26:06
  Speaker 7: have seen these signs sooner and what's wrong with you?
• 26:08
  Speaker 7: And yeah, why didn't you know better? Or good for
• 26:11
  Speaker 7: you for getting out of that, Like good for you
• 26:13
  Speaker 7: for seeing that so soon. I love that reframe, you know,
• 26:16
  Speaker 7: because some people would get stuck in a bad career
• 26:18
  Speaker 7: for many, many years.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: It's hard to look for a new job.
• 26:21
  Speaker 7: Yeah yeah, especially if you and he was willing to
• 26:24
  Speaker 7: move again, so he took another chance and it worked
• 26:26
  Speaker 7: out to do that. So there was a risk that
• 26:28
  Speaker 7: was taken.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 26:29
  Speaker 7: So there's there's a lot of positives in his story. Yeah,
• 26:33
  Speaker 7: and it's just you got to look at that side
• 26:34
  Speaker 7: and really give yourself some credit.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: It kind of sounds like you're saying if this was
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: your patient, and they were maybe they were still at
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: that bad job, and they were saying, Doc, I'm scared
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: because what a silly, dumb thing I've done. I've moved
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: across the country. I drugged my girlfriend out here. I
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: believed I'm gonna go back home with my tail between
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: my legs and going it looked like such a fool
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: and I'm gonna lose my deposit on this rent and
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: all these mistakes. And it sounds like you would reframe
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: that as but look at how brave you're being. Yeah,
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: you're willing to walk away from something abusive. Sooner you
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: do that, the better. That is exactly that's huge up
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: for himself. Yeah, he really did. This applies to so
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: many other things than jobs, right, and going back to relationships,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: family relationships, romantic relationships. A lot of times we're scared
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: to like cut the fishing line and walk away and
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: cut the bait and lose the investment of time or
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: money or energy you've sunk into this, and we have
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: to be willing to do that. It kind of sounds
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: like you're saying that was a brave thing you did,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: and it's okay that you did it.
• 27:32
  Speaker 7: I think it was really brave and and I mean
• 27:35
  Speaker 7: you don't. I never want to sound dismissive, but like
• 27:38
  Speaker 7: at that young of an age too, Like that's amazing
• 27:42
  Speaker 7: that you can see that, Like I don't think me
• 27:44
  Speaker 7: at twenty four, like I you know, I think that's
• 27:46
  Speaker 7: how I empathize with a client. Right is like right,
• 27:49
  Speaker 7: I know that would have happened to me in some way,
• 27:50
  Speaker 7: Like I could have gotten in that same position.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: We're not that different.
• 27:55
  Speaker 7: It was just yeah, you know this, this.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: Happened to you.
• 28:00
  Speaker 7: And you got stuck and then you had to get out,
• 28:03
  Speaker 7: but you did get.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: Out, you know. I remember there's an old saying. I
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: don't know who said this, but when you've taken a
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: wrong turning, it says something like two people take a
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: wrong turning in the woods, the one who reverses course
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: fastest is the most progressive person. They're actually ahead of
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: you because they turned around. You just do a U turn.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: You're actually in the lead now if you're going the
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: wrong way. And so whenever you realize my job, my life,
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: my relationship, this thing, this direction I'm heading is not mine.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: It's not my truth. It's not in alignment with me
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: or my values, or I'm being abused or this is
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: not going to work out long term. Turning around and
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: starting something new, even if that's a gamble, you're actually
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: moving ahead. I think a lot of people are afraid
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: that they're going backward in life, moving back into my
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: parents or whatever. It's like, actually, that's a forward movement
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: if you think about it.
• 28:46
  Speaker 7: Yeah, because you come back with the lesson, you get
• 28:48
  Speaker 7: the things, the experiences that make you who you are.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and go, yeah, it is brave. I like what
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: you said that. At twenty four. Maybe I wouldn't have
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: done that. At twenty four, I had a kick ass
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Pokemon card collection, so I considered myself brave. I feel like, yeah,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: braver than this writer because I had some really really
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: good cards. So writer, great question, guest therapist. You're already
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: beating the shit out of my loser co hosts. I
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: like you all way better. We're gonna take a quick break,
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: and when we come back, we're talking about anxiety after
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: a spouse is laid off. You're listening to pod therapy.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: Today's episode is brought to you by the following therap producers.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: I've randomly selected from the list because I don't remember
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: how Nick picks this thing. Jake Schneider, Myra, Robert Brownie Junior, Mint,
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Smitty Scoop, Judy Schneider in Kable Landsbury, and Jacob is
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: our trivia master today. All right, we have Las Vegas
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Trivia for our Las Vegas based therapist's right, Jacob will
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: explain the rules.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: So we got three questions here. We're just gonna go
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: around the room.
• 29:50
  Speaker 4: We're gonna do I have I have options for you
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: if you need options, but you get two points if
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: you guess it without the.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Options, one point if you guess it with the option.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: So let's just start. Let's start with Janet.
• 30:02
  Speaker 5: Okay, I'm ready.
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: Which Las Vegas casino holds the Guinness World Record for
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: the largest sports book in the world as of twenty
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: twenty four.
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: Oh, it's probably the West Gate, because I think it
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: was the Hilton before that.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: You want to shoot hipper. Do you want options?
• 30:17
  Speaker 5: Maybe options?
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Okay, here here comes to mot part play.
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, especially since Westgate is not Caesar's Palace, Circa Resort
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: and casino, the Mirage, the win Las Vegas.
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: I know it's not the Mirage because I worked there
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: for fifteen years.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, it's very small. Yeah, they didn't have here.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Are you a dolphin trainer?
• 30:39
  Speaker 5: No, I worked at the front desk.
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: Okay, as a dolphin trainer, as a Dolphinity.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: Dolphins that came to the front desk, they were trained.
• 30:49
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna go with the win.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: H the win Las Vegas.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry that is incorrect.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: Can we go for Steel's Kelly M.
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: What are the choices in?
• 31:00
  Speaker 4: Let's say, well, the Wind Las Vegas not a choice anymore?
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: The Mirage, Circa or Caesar's Palace incorrect to Jared.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: You have an opportunity. You can choose between Circa and
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: it is Circa feels like Circa. Yeah, has come in
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: aggressive sports betting. They're all about it. Yeah. So that's downtown, Yeah,
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: the one that is the big pool, yes, okay, the
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: rooftop one. Yeah, that's the stadium swim that's I did.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: I did a date at Circa during the March Madness
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: this year.
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: Some friend some friends came in from out of town
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: and we we rendered some chairs there in the sports book.
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: We had access to the stadium swim great place. We
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: watched some stuff down in the sports book. We went
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: up and swam and watched them.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: It was more pools in your casino. A good move
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: as global warming content game exactly ship. You could sit
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: there in December and probably pretty damn comfortable. So Jared's
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: in the lead with one. Now it's Kelly Ane's official question.
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: Kelly Anne, what Las Vegas attraction is housed inside a
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: formal a former federal courthouse and US Post Office building?
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: Of course you know it here you want options options
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: options A the Neon Museum, B the Mob Museum see
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: the Bellagio Gallery of Fine Art.
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: D Madame Tussau's Mob Museum is correct that point, ty game,
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: Have you been to the Mob Museum.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: That is a good place. It's funny, you know, it's
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: one of those best kept secrets because you hear about it.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Like my mom and her friends came to town the
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: other day and they were all staying on Fremont, which
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: is there next to the Mob and I told her,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: you guys have got to go there and say that
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: kind of sounds lame. We're not here from museums. Were
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: like party and have fun. It was like there is
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: a speakeasy underneath this thing. You have got to go there.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: They make their own hooch. It's awesome. So go check
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: out the mob museum listeners. Tell them Jim sent you.
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: All right, Jared for the lead which Las Vegas Casino
• 32:59
  Speaker 4: was fake amously imploded live on television in nineteen ninety sixteen,
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: nineteen ninety six.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: I remember watching it.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: It was immediately following nineteen ninety five.
• 33:11
  Speaker 7: Yeah, okay, thank you.
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: Options, options, the dunes, the Stardust, the Riviera, the desert in.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: All good explosions.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: Ninety six, The dunes, the stardust, the riv Or, the di.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I of all of them, I liked the Riviera the most.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: I loved the Riviera.
• 33:37
  Speaker 5: It was a cool The Landmark was the best.
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: The Landmark Mark.
• 33:41
  Speaker 7: Oh my gosh, I'm going to guess desert in I
• 33:45
  Speaker 7: don't know.
• 33:46
  Speaker 5: From can I see it?
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: Incorrect?
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Incorrect?
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: Jit?
• 33:51
  Speaker 5: It was the dune, it was, And I watched it
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: from the thirtieth floor of the Mirage hotel.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: That's where the wind was built?
• 33:59
  Speaker 5: Right is the dunes?
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: What was where win is?
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: Was?
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: That was that frontier? The frontier was across the street.
• 34:09
  Speaker 5: Never built any.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Hell she has about that kiss?
• 34:17
  Speaker 5: The band filmed in the dunes prior and then there
• 34:19
  Speaker 5: was a whole show about them blowing up the building themselves.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: Oh nice, they made that part of the.
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: Bid Jean Simmons blow up.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Have you seen the kiss Putt Putt golf thing? Yes?
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: I was just going to say I went there.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: Did you go?
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: I bought a gift card to that super? Did you
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: ever win? Is it cool?
• 34:34
  Speaker 7: Yeah?
• 34:35
  Speaker 5: Super?
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: We need to get Nick to take us check in.
• 34:39
  Speaker 5: Jean Simmons at the Mirage all the time with his
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: Really he would never stick his song out for any
• 34:43
  Speaker 5: of us, though.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: I'm sure he gets it a lot. So great job.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: We have a tie game.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: We have a tie game, Kelly and coming up in
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: second place at zero? You have enough show. Everybody's got
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: a point? What how did Kelly get one?
• 34:58
  Speaker 7: She answered her she.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: Confusing everybody a point?
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: All right, We're off to a great start. Second question
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: of the night, anxiety after my spouse was laid off? Hi? Everyone,
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: Foxy Sally here fairly recent therapod and not regretting it yet.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: I heard you've got wait give it time. I got you, Sally.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: I've heard you've got room for questions, and I can't
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: afford my therapist at the moment, so I have plenty.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: Here's the most pressing. So I've been an anxious person
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: for as long as I can remember. I have a
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: massive need to be in control, which suits my husband
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: as he's the most laid back person ever and actively
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: likes me to take the reins in life.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm glad you found each other.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: That doesn't always work out, but that's great, that's perfect.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: It's worked for us for over thirty years. But I
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: do sometimes feel as though I've made my life the
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: stressful one, and I worry for both of us. That's true. Anyhow,
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: my husband's company announced mass redundancies in January. He specifically
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: moved to this job last year and it was a promotion.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: Sadly that meant he'd not been there long enough for
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: any job security. It was a month's notice then gone,
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: no payout or anything. We live in the United Kingdom
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: and there are more job protections, I thought, so redundancy
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: more job protections here once you've been two years in
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: the job. He's applied for so many jobs, but despite
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: being really skilled in his area, he's been rejected for
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: almost everything. He's nearly sixty now, and despite the government
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: saying we all have to work until our seventies, it
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: seems that companies just don't want you once they think
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: you're old. So it's very disheartening and he's been quite depressed.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: I've been in a near constant state of panic since
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: the redundancies were announced at the start of January. I'm
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: constantly nagging him to check his emails, phone people, sort
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: this out, sort that out, et cetera. I'm awake night
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: after night. I have bad dreams. I've stopped going out
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: with friends in case it cost me a couple of
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: pounds for a drink if I do meet up and
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: have fun with anyone. I can't stop the intrusive thoughts
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: about how my husband is never going to get a
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: job and we are going to starve to death. I know.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: I work part time in London, and homelessness here is terrible,
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: rows and rows of people lying the streets to sleep
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: at night, places where there are hordes well at.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: Least you won't be lonely.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: There you go, We make new friends, class half full,
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: hoards of tiny tents are set up, and it's constantly
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: a reminder of what can easily happen. The cost of
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: living here is at a crisis, even for those with jobs,
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: let alone those without. The stupid thing is I have
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: a bit saved, so we aren't going to starve to death,
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: at least for a few months. He also finally has
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: a potential job starting at the end of the month
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: and an interview next week for something else. I work too,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: and although my money isn't enough to live on long term,
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: it seems we would be okay, probably at least until
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: the early summer. So none of this panic is really logical.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: I've done all the usual cognitive behavioral things, therapy things,
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: gone over techniques my therapist gave me when I was
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: seeing him, such as what's the worst that could happen,
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: how likely is that, what's the most likely outcome, et cetera.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: But none of them are really working because they can't
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: cut through the sheer panic I'm feeling on a daily basis.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: I think it may be more to do with meeting
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: stability in my life and needing to be in control
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: than a genuine fear we're going to end up destitute.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: I don't do well with change, even things I'm desperate
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: to change. I really struggle with my mom, or mom
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: I believe in English was agoraphobick her. I think I
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: think it's just specifically her her whole life, and struggled
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: going more than a mile or two from our home
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: at best, and rarely did. I vowed so much to
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: be adventurous and more of a risk taker, and yet
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: here I am panicking at every life change. Please help
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: me calm down. I really want to let go of
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: control a bit, because the situation isn't even something I
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: can really control anyway. The stupid thing is now is
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: probably the time I need my old therapist most. But
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: having to pay such a lot each week for therapy
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: without the income to cover it was making me way
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: more anxious than not having therapy was fair. That's fair.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: I did tell him this was why I was stopping,
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: so at least he knows that. Sadly, there's basically no
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: free provision here in the United Kingdom other than six
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: weeks of counseling or CBT with the National health services,
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: for which the waiting list is at best a year away.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: God damn, the best part of a year.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: Thank you. I don't speak English, I have to say
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: I always feel that CBT is a bit pretend your
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: shitty life isn't shitty, and it doesn't usually stop the anxiety.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: But I'm up for it, well maybe most solutions anyway,
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: Many thanks, Foxy Sally, Oh gaslighting CBT? Right, yeah, I.
• 39:56
  Speaker 4: Mean, fortunately we don't come across these very often where
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: I just have the answer, Oh, okay, the email. Clearly
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: we're bringing more people onto this show. Your husband could
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: just come work for us.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: There you go, we're hiring. Yeah, there you go, husbands,
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: a therapist not I don't care, moving up, great question, right,
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: you're welcome. So this kind of anxiety is very relatable.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, this person's in England. Here in America, our
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: current administration is cutting every damn job. You know, we're
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: seeing a reduction. We'll turn on the news.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: Still do it.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: You'll be better off, just fine, Just watch sports, you'll
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: be great. But yeah, I mean we see this all
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: the time, and obviously being Vegas providers, boy has our
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: community been hit time and time again. We saw the
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: great housing collapse, crush, the job market. We saw covid
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: Our entire city was shut down, tourism industry was destroyed.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: We have dealt with a lot of people dealing with
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: financial anxiety, and that's always a really hard thing, right,
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: because so often people come to us and they say,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: I'm anxious that insert a catastrophic fear, I'm scared I'm
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: just gonna randomly get a disease or or this or that.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: And we can help them right size that fear by
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: helping them rationalize how unlikely that is. But when you're
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: dealing with a real problem of scarcity, real bread and butter,
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: fear of like, look, man, I'm not making this crap up.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: My husband lost his job.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: There is a problem.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: This is real, and poverty is real, and I can
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: math out exactly how long I can survive it. Dishonors
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: the patient if we minimize or become a little and
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: the patient's kind of saying like, yeah, your guys, a
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: CBT bullshit has like a shelf life.
• 41:28
  Speaker 5: Change change mind, change your life.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: No, change my money, change my life. So, Kelly, I
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: noticed as we were talking about the gas lighting effect
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: of CBT sometimes that you were laughing at that. Give
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: us some feedback to this. As you hear this, tell
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: us how it lands and tell us some thoughts.
• 41:43
  Speaker 6: Initially, well, I queued into her mom being a corphobic,
• 41:49
  Speaker 6: and when I heard that, I heard, oh my gosh,
• 41:51
  Speaker 6: attachment connection with her mom. It's been taught to her.
• 41:56
  Speaker 6: All of her neurons are firing about fear and anxiety.
• 41:59
  Speaker 8: It's enerjans, right, So this is why CBT has not
• 42:04
  Speaker 8: been landing for her and why the therapist just yes,
• 42:08
  Speaker 8: it's it hasn't surfed her.
• 42:09
  Speaker 6: So it landed in a way that said, gosh, I'm
• 42:12
  Speaker 6: really scared. And what do I do when I'm scared?
• 42:14
  Speaker 6: Do you lean into someone or do you keep it
• 42:16
  Speaker 6: to yourself?
• 42:17
  Speaker 9: Right?
• 42:18
  Speaker 6: And I don't know if she's leaning into her husband
• 42:20
  Speaker 6: about it, because she has to be in control, right.
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: And her husband's already a little depressed. Yes, And sometimes
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: when we're the anxious person, we want to go to
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: our just press spouse and say, oh my god, you
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: think we're gonna be okay, And they're like, well, I'm
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: just gonna kill myself now. I guess I'm sorry that
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: you're so scared. I was gonna die. Yeah, But I
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: hear you saying, Look, she comes by it honestly. You know,
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: whenever you were raised in a gooraphobic household, you were
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: hyper vigilant. You were taught to react with big fear
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: to all the stimuli.
• 42:49
  Speaker 5: And also probably caretaking that mother too. He has where
• 42:51
  Speaker 5: some of the cure might come from. I have to
• 42:53
  Speaker 5: make sure mom's okay. So the house is okay, So
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: I'm okay. Dad's a hoop? How are that many?
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: Right? So we get raised in this crock pot of
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: fear it's now in us And we were referencing, Yeah,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: the epigenetic code, you know, and rewritings there that, yeah,
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: this stuff sticks to you especially, and writer didn't talk
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: about this, but I think we've all seen that some people,
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: if you're coming from low socioeconomic status, there's a trauma
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: to that, and sometimes they carry that with them too,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: this scarcity mindset, and there's a lot of fear of like,
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: oh no, if I lose my job, I'll be on
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: the street or I'll be homeless again. Yeah, it's like, no,
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: the math doesn't say that will happen. Financial trauma, that's
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: a real thing.
• 43:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah, especially when she's seeing it every day as she's
• 43:35
  Speaker 5: leaving and going out in the community.
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and you know, Vegas, we relate. You know,
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: that's been increasingly a problem. Affordability is a problem California
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: adjacent to us, we've seen that same thing. And so
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: you know, whenever you see this kind of financial stuff
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: in your neighborhood, it's never very far away. And I
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: hate to keep banging the trauma drum, but this sounds
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: related to some of your expertise here.
• 43:57
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, I mean, there's there's so much going on
• 44:03
  Speaker 7: in this question. Like I mean the way that I
• 44:06
  Speaker 7: hear that is just like it's so fast and it's
• 44:09
  Speaker 7: so much because this is just the way she's she's
• 44:12
  Speaker 7: thought about it over and over and over and over
• 44:13
  Speaker 7: and over again, Like that's like what I would get,
• 44:16
  Speaker 7: and it's I think a lot about slowing down again,
• 44:19
  Speaker 7: like just even in the moment, I'm not trying to
• 44:22
  Speaker 7: dismiss it, and she's like, all you have to do
• 44:23
  Speaker 7: is breathe and you'll be fine. But like sometimes you
• 44:25
  Speaker 7: do just have to breathe a little bit and you'll
• 44:27
  Speaker 7: be fine.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: Like entertainment, Yeah, yeah, it certainly won't hurt. Yeah, breathing's good. Yeah,
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: I find it pulls very well. Every time we survey.
• 44:37
  Speaker 5: Deep for the breath the better too.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: Oxygen still very popular.
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: Prepare for war, those three deep breasts.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, tell us more about that? Say more.
• 44:45
  Speaker 6: Yes, So, having to go into a hot type call
• 44:48
  Speaker 6: and you don't know what's going to be in front
• 44:51
  Speaker 6: of you, you take those three big deep breasts. You
• 44:53
  Speaker 6: hold it for three out for three, And that was taught.
• 44:56
  Speaker 6: I was taught over and over for officers to be
• 44:58
  Speaker 6: able to think clearly.
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: Oh wow, So those three deep breasts mean a lot.
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, it's just enough. So when I see the Henderson
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: PD breathing into that bag right before they kick in
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: my door, I know that they're just getting ready.
• 45:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you have enough time for three breaths.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: I can jump. You're about to have a bad day.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: The officer pulls up and breathes hard. You're like, oh shit,
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: this is not a kitten in a tree scenario. I'm
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: in deep shit. No, but this is a good point.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: I'm glad both of you brought the physiological aspect of
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: anxiety because the writers saying, sometimes when you guys just
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: tell me what to do cognitively to reframe it, it
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: can come off dismissive to my real experience. And I'm
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: hearing you say exactly, and sometimes breathing sounds dismissive, but
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: in this case, sometimes that's the one thing you might
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: have some control over, sort of getting yourself grounded and
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: oriented a little bit into your body and at least
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: have a fair fight with those thoughts. That way, you're
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: not like because you don't even notice your blood's pumping,
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: your heart's pump, and you're breathing, it's all.
• 46:00
  Speaker 5: That's the problem there. People don't notice what their body's
• 46:02
  Speaker 5: doing until it's right. I'm collapsed now.
• 46:06
  Speaker 6: Right, And you can't logical when you're in your right
• 46:08
  Speaker 6: side of your brain, No, you can't.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, whenever you have clients that are coming in and
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: they're talking about real felt needs, right, they're saying, we
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: are having some financial stress in our household. I'm scared
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: about what we're going to do as a therapist, I
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: think some I don't know if y'all feel this way,
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: but I'll all confess that I do. There's been times
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: whenever I feel a little powerless, right because I look
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: at them and go, man, you have like a real
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: felt challenge in your life and we're going to talk
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: a lot about it, and sometimes I feel like that's
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: not enough, and I really like almost feel a little
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: insecure about that, like a little imposter syndrome, Like, damn it,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: I wish I could you need a caseworker.
• 46:49
  Speaker 5: I have often said I'm an MFT marriage of family
• 46:52
  Speaker 5: therapist with a social work or brain like, let's shift
• 46:54
  Speaker 5: into where we can find resources. I'll look together. Yeah,
• 46:57
  Speaker 5: but let's take half of this time to figure that out.
• 47:00
  Speaker 6: The part that I really like with what I do
• 47:02
  Speaker 6: is I get them embodied in that moment of that
• 47:06
  Speaker 6: fear when you were just saying that fear, I'm like,
• 47:08
  Speaker 6: oh my gosh, where does that land? And I have
• 47:10
  Speaker 6: them share that with their partner, and it promotes coregulating,
• 47:14
  Speaker 6: It brings calmness between the two. And so that's really
• 47:17
  Speaker 6: what people are trying to do, is how do we
• 47:20
  Speaker 6: be in those feelings? Not dismiss it and you can't
• 47:23
  Speaker 6: talk me out of it. Got to just feel it.
• 47:26
  Speaker 6: But when you feel it, who can you turn to
• 47:28
  Speaker 6: your partner?
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Coregulation, regulate. And again I'm glad you brought up
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: couples therapy because obviously this is about the relationships my
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: spouse lost his job. He is chilled, you know, but
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: he's also depressed. He doesn't get anxious, though, So I
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: worry for both of us. And then that's an interesting
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: kind of disequilibrium there. And ironically, we've all seen the
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: data that when we think about causes of divorce or
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: things that you know, add stress to the relationship, financial
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: distress is like number one is number one. Yeah. So
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: it's interesting thing because I think when people think of
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: couples therapy, they often don't think that we would care
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: about financial literacy, but we absolutely do because it's gonna
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: be something they bring up. And if we're sitting here
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: twittling our thumbs acting like we've never heard of money before,
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: we're going to be on Mars like they're gonna be like,
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: you are not a good therapist for us because you're
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: not appreciating the real world challenge. That's scaring us.
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: That's not why they're going to say you're not a
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: good therapist.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: Look, they got divorced on their own time. It didn't
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: it doesn't count. They still have Thank you, Jared. I
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: love the silver linings. I'm getting off pulling tragedy away,
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: saying no, this is a victory. The couples get to
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: come back in the future invited radar. Let's get some
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: positive affirmations eternal damnit, but not doctor. I lost that,
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: but was pointed of like counsel and couples through financial distress.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: That's unique, right.
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: And especially if the therapist has some financial distress.
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: Or has your own transfer.
• 49:11
  Speaker 5: That's how I ended up being a therapist. Nine to
• 49:13
  Speaker 5: eleven happened, and everybody in the hotel industry lost her job.
• 49:16
  Speaker 5: And I'm like, oh, wow, what do I want to
• 49:17
  Speaker 5: do now?
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: Because you were a dolphin trainer. Yes, I was in
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: the lobby. A lobby will be silly to put the
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: dolphin trainer anywhere else. Wow. So you got into this
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: career because of financial distress.
• 49:29
  Speaker 5: What do I really want to do with my life?
• 49:31
  Speaker 5: I shifted from helplessness to helpfulness with myself. How do
• 49:35
  Speaker 5: I do that? How do I help myself because nobody
• 49:37
  Speaker 5: else is going to do it. I have kids at
• 49:39
  Speaker 5: home and my husband. You know, I didn't have to.
• 49:41
  Speaker 5: I wasn't the breadwinner. But I needed to figure it out, right.
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: You know that? Just side note here because I think
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: that's interesting. The three of Us Kelly Ann, Janet myself.
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: And I don't know if this is your truth, Jared,
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: but I don't think I heard it in your backstory.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: We all came to this as second careers. I was
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: an educator. I was a teacher, a high school teacher
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: for a decade, and then I came into this later.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: And it is interesting. I think whenever you've you know,
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: not to say that there's a therapist that's life experience
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: is superior to another. We we all need to be
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: different because our clients are different, and we refer to
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: each other because we think this person's got something you need.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: But I've noticed that that life experience sometimes does help
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: because it's like, Okay, I might relate to the situation,
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: and you're kind of saying, for this writer, I relate
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: to financial peril.
• 50:22
  Speaker 5: I get it.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: You come in my office and you tell me this.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: I am sitting forward in my chair.
• 50:26
  Speaker 5: And I'm going to step in one step into your
• 50:28
  Speaker 5: dysregulation and be there with you, but keep one foot
• 50:31
  Speaker 5: in my regulation so we can corregulate, like I can
• 50:34
  Speaker 5: feel it with you, but I can also bring you
• 50:36
  Speaker 5: into my regulation with some breathing or some whatever we
• 50:38
  Speaker 5: need to.
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: Do right, And then we play games and then we play. Yeah,
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: have you heard of this new one called Uno No Mercy?
• 50:45
  Speaker 5: Yes, I've played it.
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: Jesus. It is violence. There's like a draw.
• 50:52
  Speaker 5: That I know you need to need.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: I played with my kids on Sunday and it was
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: absolute violence. Like you can you can drop a plus
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: ten and then the next person can also drop a
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: plus ten, and then you can come with a plus
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: twenty and if you get twenty five cards, you're eliminated
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: from the game.
• 51:10
  Speaker 5: We don't do maths.
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: I know we're terrible at this. My kids are telling me, like, Dad,
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: you're out, and I'm like, I'll tell you what I'm no,
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: that's the rules dead whatever. But No, the financial distress
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: really can mess up a relationship. They can put a
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: lot of pressure on us here. And I think that
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: we're approaching this from every direction. We're looking at the
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: writer and saying we want to respect your felt experience.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: We don't want to be dismissive of that. We also
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: don't want CBT to get too bad of a wrap
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: because like sometimes we do need to reality check a little.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: I can right size our fear a little bit. And
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: does anybody use CBT in here?
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: No?
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: All shaking heads just the oil?
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: Is it that CBT?
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I prefer the gummies. Wait what okay,
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: so no fans of cognitive behavioral therapy in here. What
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: is the criticism of it? Let's let's put that on there,
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: since the writer's to be saying.
• 52:00
  Speaker 5: Science doesn't support it anymore, right, Okay, science supports what
• 52:03
  Speaker 5: your nervous system is doing. Are you fight, flight, freeze
• 52:06
  Speaker 5: all the things that your body is doing, not just
• 52:08
  Speaker 5: what brain is doing, okay? And or magdala that has
• 52:12
  Speaker 5: is also a right and left, Like the left side
• 52:14
  Speaker 5: is like everything's on fire, but the right side is like,
• 52:16
  Speaker 5: let's color and feel better. Okay, So how can we
• 52:18
  Speaker 5: lean into the creativity to bring the anxiety down?
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: So if I'm hearing you right when you're treating anxiety,
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: you're gonna take them into I think i'm hearing you
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: say a more physiological approach mind body relationship somatic.
• 52:30
  Speaker 5: I'm going to do some psychoet about what's happening when
• 52:32
  Speaker 5: they're feeling anxious.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: Okay. So this is your parasympathetic nervous system, it's firing off.
• 52:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and you have some cortisol surging, and you probably
• 52:39
  Speaker 5: have a little bit of like dopamine addiction, Like I'm
• 52:41
  Speaker 5: gonna have to get all this cortisol and have anxiety
• 52:43
  Speaker 5: because after it's sent home, Man, I feel better.
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, how do I get back to that? Yeah? Okay,
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: very interesting, So CBT thoughts over here.
• 52:51
  Speaker 7: I just always felt a little I mean, a band aid.
• 52:55
  Speaker 7: It was kind of like, okay, vibe that I got
• 52:57
  Speaker 7: and not if you need to do something. I'm scared
• 53:00
  Speaker 7: of flying and I want to be able to fly
• 53:02
  Speaker 7: by June.
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, something very specific.
• 53:06
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So I think I don't want
• 53:08
  Speaker 7: to bash on it too. But to me it's like,
• 53:12
  Speaker 7: but why is it happening versus like, what's the deeper
• 53:17
  Speaker 7: thing there's going on there?
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 53:20
  Speaker 6: The individuality I think is left out as CBT. Yeah,
• 53:23
  Speaker 6: everyone deals with emotions differently. Everyone has different parts of
• 53:27
  Speaker 6: their brain working. It's not being honored. We can't just
• 53:29
  Speaker 6: tell someone what you know.
• 53:31
  Speaker 5: We talked about epigenetics. Everybody that had a mother, that
• 53:33
  Speaker 5: had a mother, that mother.
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: They're all systems, they're all family systems.
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I like this, This is really good thoughts. I'm
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: downloading a lot from you here, and so in this situation,
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: writers saying when CBT tries to come in and help
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: me reframe my context of this fear. In my situation,
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: my fear is valid. I'm just reacting to this fear
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: in an unhelpful way. That's not allowing me to be
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: solution focused. That's not going to make it better in
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: our household. I'm preoccupied with my fears and that's not
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: making me a better partner.
• 54:07
  Speaker 5: And also she's catastrophizing them. We will be homeless, right?
• 54:12
  Speaker 5: Is that a definite possibility? Sure, but it's not going
• 54:14
  Speaker 5: to happen tomorrow.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: It's not the likely possibility or probably not the likely well.
• 54:18
  Speaker 6: And she's also not really leaning into her husband because
• 54:21
  Speaker 6: he's got depression. And the point of these really strong
• 54:24
  Speaker 6: feelings is to lean into another. We're not meant to
• 54:26
  Speaker 6: do life alone. We need someone to help be with
• 54:30
  Speaker 6: us in those difficult spaces she's talking about, he's not
• 54:33
  Speaker 6: really accessible, he's depressed.
• 54:34
  Speaker 5: And how lonely must he be feeling because he's.
• 54:38
  Speaker 6: Yes, And that goes into the man card. If I'm
• 54:41
  Speaker 6: not able to provide get.
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. You could just do telehealth
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: with Kelly Am. But let me give you a tip.
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: Don't tell her you're in Britain, just you know, Henderson,
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: I'm just down the street. I'm in summer right now.
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: There's always a way. We can always find hurt. You
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: on a podcast. Want to do some psycho lay, Yeah, Sarah,
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: we can do that. You can't build your insurance but
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: you don't have one anyway, you're in England. But no,
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: this is some really good stuff. And you know, I
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: will I will uh nudge that CBT has a time
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: and a place. You know, it's in the toolkit. And
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: even that reference to catastrophizing that is from the CBT vocab,
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: which is, hey, are you taking something that is bad
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: and perceiving it at a catastrophic level? Can we right
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: size that. Maybe your husband doesn't get a job. That sucks.
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Maybe you burn through two months of savings.
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: That sucks. I'm so sorry. Maybe you need to apply
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: for public assistance. Maybe you miss the rent. Maybe you
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: have to ask for leniency on your rent or your mortgage.
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: That sucks. I'm so sorry. Maybe you have to get
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: public food stamps. I assume England has something like that.
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: They have food after all. You know, that sucks. I'm
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: so sorry. But like, let's right size the danger, and
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: let's also continue to hold that core truth you're gonna
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: be okay, Like it might be really disruptive to your life,
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: You're gonna be bigger than this moment. You will endure,
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: you will survive, which is important when we talk about
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: right sizing fear, it's not dismissing fear. But it's like
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: you talk to a high school kid and they're like,
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I got an F on my paper.
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: It's all over and you're like, hey, yeah, the worst
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: case you repeat the class.
• 56:20
  Speaker 5: That's often the parents.
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: That sure you know, but you've got those high achievers
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: as perfectionists and they say, oh no, this bad thing,
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: and you say, look, you might get mud on your
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: dress that stinks and it may be ruined. I'm sorry,
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: let's grieve that. But also you're gonna get beyond this
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: right and that there is some reframe that I think
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: is part of the toolkit that could show up here,
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: while also I think being solution focused because they do
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: need some case management. Yes, and husband is making progress.
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: I mean writer did say, hey, we think it's gonna.
• 56:50
  Speaker 7: Be okay interview and he's YEA might get this other job.
• 56:53
  Speaker 7: It sounded work out, so hopefully.
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. But so anyway, writer, I think what we're all
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: recommending is open up a foot own. Anyway, we're gonna
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: take a quick break, and when we come back, we're
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: talking about sentimental hoarding. You're listening to pod therapy, and
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: today's episode is brought to you by these other therap
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: producers I've selected randomly, like Malia Leon Cassab Mason Miller,
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: Richard Macy, Carolyn Albert, Kevin Chamberlain, Tess Miller, and Sammy Scoop.
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: It is a tie game, a dead heat in the
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: Las Vegas Knowledge Trivia athon, with a lot of passes
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: and a lot of shuffling of the questions. This happened
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: in an odd way. I like it. Nobody's shooting for
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: the hip for two.
• 57:37
  Speaker 5: I tried.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: It's damn good thing you didn't because you missed it.
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: Yes, all right, Janet, back to you.
• 57:44
  Speaker 4: What Hotel Casino, known for its neon Cowboy Vegas vic
• 57:48
  Speaker 4: open in nineteen forty six and helped shape Las Vegas.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: Shoot from the hip very one? Ops.
• 57:55
  Speaker 5: You just know what I'm thinking. It's the Las Vegas.
• 57:59
  Speaker 5: It's the Las Vegas.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: Gosh.
• 58:02
  Speaker 5: I remember going down Fremont Street when you could drive
• 58:04
  Speaker 5: on it and we'd roll the windows down to hear it. Say,
• 58:07
  Speaker 5: how do you I can see I can I want
• 58:11
  Speaker 5: to say what it.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: Was in the middle of that, Jacob, you might want
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: to fact check that question. I am. I'm not checking
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: right because I remember the answer I saw and now
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: I'm hearing this and going, yeah, I have a problem
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: with that answer.
• 58:24
  Speaker 5: Oh. Interesting, I think the gear might be wrong because
• 58:27
  Speaker 5: Neon wasn't that nineteen forty six? Right? It's out the year.
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: The Google says nineteen fifty one.
• 58:38
  Speaker 5: The Google is always right.
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: Google can't.
• 58:39
  Speaker 5: It's like the batmobile to the Google.
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: That's right to the Google.
• 58:44
  Speaker 5: What are my options of answers?
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah I am.
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: I am skeptical of these options.
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Feel free to make referee decisions on this. Yeah.
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh I'm gonna.
• 58:55
  Speaker 4: We have the Sands, the l R show Las Vegas
• 59:02
  Speaker 4: burned down. Uh, there is the Pioneer Club, and there
• 59:08
  Speaker 4: is what's that last one?
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: Say, oh, the Golden Nugget.
• 59:12
  Speaker 5: Well it wasn't the Golden Nugget. The Pioneer Club is
• 59:14
  Speaker 5: too far down and too old. I don't think it's on.
• 59:17
  Speaker 5: There is the answer is the one of the answers
• 59:19
  Speaker 5: on there because the Sands is on the strip, the
• 59:21
  Speaker 5: l answer is.
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: On the corners. It's like, fuck your question.
• 59:27
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna go with the Pioneer Club.
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: The Pioneer Club, according to the Google, is correct. According
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: to the question, it's the Flamingo.
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no way in hell it's the flamingo.
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: No.
• 59:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well I don't because the flamingo has been in
• 59:40
  Speaker 4: two different locations. Oh, there's the original flamingo and then
• 59:43
  Speaker 4: there's a flamingo where it is now, and so I
• 59:45
  Speaker 4: don't it might have been I don't.
• 59:47
  Speaker 5: Know, the original flamingo is behind where the flamingo is.
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: That's what I thought.
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the Google says Pioneer Club, which means we
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: got it right.
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: One point to Jim, that was exhausting. That was I
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: love that you showed your math though, Like as you
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: were answering, you were carefully explaining to us this one
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: burned down, this one, Like, okay, I learned a lot
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: about Las Vegas.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 5: Sands is now the Venetian.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, it's still owned by Sands. Yes, still Sanscorph.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 4: Kelly, which famous mobster is often credited with helping develop
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 4: Las Vegas casino scene in the nineteen forties. Lucky Luciano,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 4: Bugsy Siegel, al Capone or mayor Lanski in me y
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 4: e r.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: Lanci mayor my Bolooney has a first name.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 4: I believe that's what I said. Yeah, I'm just spelling it. Oh,
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 4: because there are two different ways you could spell the
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 4: word mayor. Oh, you could spell it like the person
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 4: who's in charge of a city.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: Or John or John Yeah, j O h Chin Yeah,
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: good luck.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 4: Kelly in al Capone incorrect past in correct, Jared, it
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 4: passes to you.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: Al Capone was more Chicago.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 7: Oh yeah, Okay, what are the options?
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 4: Lucky Lucianto Bugsy seagell or mayor Lensky bugs.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: Bugsy Siagel is correct, nail it stolen point.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: We got a tie game two to two. Jared could
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: run away with the lead.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: Jared could win right now.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 4: Which Las Vegas Hotel had a live lion habitat inside
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 4: its property? Also there's a follow up question, which Las
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 4: Vegas Hotel had a dead lion habitat?
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: And it was the Excalner. All right here, you're.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 7: Give me options.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: Okay, I do feel like you could figure this one out.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 4: The Mirage, the MGM Grand, the Circus, Circus or the Excalibur.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: I didn't even know the EXCaliber.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 7: Can you say the question again?
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 4: Which Las Vegas hotel once had a live lion habitat
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 4: in side?
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: It's property and I'm telling the truth. I ain't lying there.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 7: It is thee.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: They of course had very well trained dolphins.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 7: Should be that makes it Truehead, it's the Grand right there.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: So that means we have a tie. We have a
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: tie since we didn't pass the gym. You did not
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: because we just answered it. That's okay because we have
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: a tie breaker. Baker, No, no, no, no, what is the
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: what do we want to do here? Everybody gets an answer? Okay,
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: Kelly in the game, Yes, I like it.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: This is worth ten points.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 4: What is the Las Vegas Strip resort not technically located
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 4: in the city of Las Vegas. What is the only
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 4: major Las Vegas strip resort not technically located in the
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 4: city of Las Vegas.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: Mmmm. I think we will start with Janet.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 5: I'm going to go with the stratosphere.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: The stratosphere. Janet says the stratosphere is not located in
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: Las Vegas.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: Very far north, kelly An, I.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 6: Was going to say the Yeah, the stratosphere is old
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 6: Las Vegas or old.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 3: Town is what came to my mind. So I'm going
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 3: to second city, naked city. There you go.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: I couldn't think, okay, you want to also double down
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: on strat I do, okay to on stratt city of
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: Las Vegas.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 5: So that's the key because there's.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: A county two doctor.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: Mmm, I know you're not talking to me.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: I'm not You're the lord, You're mister, colonel, colonel.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: Just mister now.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: I have no idea shot in the dark. I you
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: just pick one and might get lucky.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 7: Pick when I might get lucky. The MGM Greg.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: That was solid.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: I think I want to change again.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 5: Question one more time there's a key something.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 3: Yes, one more time.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 4: What is the only major Las Vegas strip resort not
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 4: technically located in the city of Las Vegas. And I
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 4: will tell you it's a touch of a trick question.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 4: It's not exactly a straightforward answer.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: It's a it's a trick. It's a trick question.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: Here.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 6: I'm I'm thinking that the is it the m all
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 6: the way.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: On that is Las Vegas st Rose.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 3: So I'm going to say that one.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: So we've got the Strat, which is the northernmost hotel,
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: We've got the M which is the southernmost hotel. We've
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: got MGM, which is right in the middle. But you
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: know what, I love your courage.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 5: Jerry's nugget.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all right.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: And the answer is uh.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 4: The answer is also Las Vegas Strip Resort. I don't
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 4: think jerry'snugget is definitely not on the strip. And then
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 4: the IM I don't think it's technically on the strip.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 4: I think the strip runs between the Strat and.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: And uh, I forgot. I think it's deserted and is
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: the official parameters of.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 4: Anyway, The answer is all of them are in Paradise, Nevada,
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 4: not Las Vegas proper.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, is one of those county.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: Unincorporated? Yeah, yeah, that's the trick.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: Trick.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah, is on North Plus Vegas Boulevard.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, noted, noted? Great job, everybody, you all tied and
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: or lost? I don't know, look at it either way.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: Last question of the night is on sentimental hoarding, and
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: it says, oh hoarding. Yeah, yeah, I thought it was
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: going to be Hello everyone. Sorry, the title might be nonsense,
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: but I liked it, so I have mixed feelings about
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: my question. But I don't think i've heard something similar
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: on pod therapy before, so I wanted to write in
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: miscellaneous details. I'm a thirty six year old man and
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: my biological parents are in their seventies and still married. Anyway,
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: my parents are getting older and having health problems, and
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: they've been clearing out their house for when they go
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: to the farm, which by that I mean retirement community.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: They have a ridiculous amount of stuff from mine and
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: my sister's childhoods that they find sentimental but I don't
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: give a shit about. For example, report cards, art projects, books,
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: and graded tests from kindergarten through eighth grade. I don't
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: remember making any of this stuff or care about it
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: in the slightest, but I feel bad about throwing it
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: out because my mom cares about it. It's obviously sentimental
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: to her, but not to me. We live five hours
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: away from each other, so she always gives me a
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: bunch of stuff from my childhood to take home with
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: me anytime I visit, which I just end up throwing out.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: She will usually ask on the phone later what I
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: did with the stuff, and then express sadness when I
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: say I tossed it and she knows I'm living in
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: an apartment downtown in a big city and don't really
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: have room to store stuff that's not important to me.
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: There are also other underlying issues, like my parents being
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: emotionally immature, so I end up trying to toe the
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: line between having boundaries and trying to coach them with
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: how to deal with their feelings in healthy ways. For example,
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: when I talked to my mom on the phone, she
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: regularly complains about one of her sisters being rude to her,
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: and I try to demonstrate to her how she could
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: deal with that rudeness instead of moping to me about it.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: I've also not told them that I've been in therapy
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: for five years because it would turn into oh, so
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: we failed you as parents. My mom even joked about
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: what did I do when I was raising you and
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: your sister for both of you to move away from
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: home after college, and then accused herself of being a
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: bad parent. Of course, we were both fine with moving
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: away because we were raised without emotional support and had
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: to be hyper independent growing up. And when I've tried
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: to be open with my feelings with my dad. He's
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: told me I didn't actually feel that way Neat. A
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: lot of resentment came out of it came out while
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: writing this letter to your show. No, No, you're hitting
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: it so well, which I'm still working through in therapy.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: But generally, how can I deal with my mom being
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: upset about me throwing out thirty year old papers from
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: my childhood that I don't care about. The straightforward answer
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: is that's not my problem, but that feels mean to me,
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: And how can I deal with this reservoir of emotional
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: immaturity reservoir? It feels right? It will it always just
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: be me doing the work. Also, my parents are loaded,
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: and I want half of that sweet inheritance with love.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: Producer Biler t ps, where's my coffee? He expects us
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: to get him coffee because he's on the board of directors.
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: I really of the show, not our not our licensing boards.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: You're fine.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 7: I love this guy. I want to him as a client.
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: You have a fan, Biler.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 7: Yeah, it's so It's so good and so relatable.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 2: I think at least this is my mother in law.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, my mother in law gets so upset when my
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 4: wife throws things out that are from her childhood, or
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 4: my mother in law will have held on to all
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 4: these things and she'll try to give them to my
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 4: wife and gets very upset that my wife doesn't want them.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know it's.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 2: Chunk, right, it's stuff that I'm like, no, that's not
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: kind of my house now.
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: It doesn't come here. So you relate a little bit.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: And you've met people like this with a little bit
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: of that hoarding, like it's hard to purge the stuff.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: It's memories.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 7: Yeah, well it's also it sounds the guilt. There's a
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 7: little guilts there and with this emotional immature parent. And
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 7: so I don't know if you've read uh adult children
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 7: of emotionally imture parents are not. I'm just like, there's
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 7: literally I feel like you read it. Maybe that was
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 7: what mention that, but maybe not. If not, that's a
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 7: good one. Maybe also Stop Walking on Eggshells could be
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 7: a fun reading just to see if that relates or anything.
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: So what are some lessons from those kinds of books?
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: What might a person learn?
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 7: Well, so it sounds like to me like part of
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 7: it is, Yes, it's the emotional maturity is kind of
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 7: always going to be there. So I think like the acceptance,
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 7: which is not always easy to do, especially with parents,
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 7: is kind of some of the work in this regard
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 7: because that is how she's going to be. That is
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 7: how he's gonna be unless they just magically go to
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 7: therapy or whatever, and which are also kind of maybe
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 7: that's him being in therapy for six years, is how
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 7: he's hearing this phone call with his mom and hearing
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 7: the upset and it is with the sister. And he's like,
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 7: you could use these skills with your sister, and she's like,
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 7: now you know, like and it's.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 1: I like the dad's approach. No, you didn't actually feel
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: that way.
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 7: You didn't feel that.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: Souls, Yeah you didn't.
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 7: Incorrect, you're remembering it right now?
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: Try again? Okay, Yeah, sorry dad, it really happened.
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 7: Right, which and that sucks that we're talking about grief
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 7: here too, because there's a grief of the parents that
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 7: you deserved and didn't get to have, right, and that
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 7: those emotionallys aren't really being mad and really no ones
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 7: are like if I look at the parents either, right, there's.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 1: Something going on there.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 7: Yeah, where they weren't able to emotionally mature for whatever.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 1: That's a really good observation. Yeah, because writer's saying, hey, listen,
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: we grew up independent really quickly because we weren't really nurtured.
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: So yeah, we moved away. Yeah, we don't really need
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 1: you very much. And you're noticing that absence now right, Yeah,
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: diagnosis correct.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 5: I'm thinking about the age of the parents to seventies.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 5: They would have been raised by depressionaier parents who were
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 5: you know, we don't have enough feelings to go around
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 5: because it's the depression. You know, we don't have allport. Yeah,
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 5: you just do your best. You pull your up yourself
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 5: up by the bootstraps. And mom sounds like she's attached
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 5: to the memories of the stuff and not the people
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 5: that created those. True, she's attached to stuff. I am
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 5: a child of depressionariy of parents, and my dad would
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 5: pick up nails in a parking lot saying I can
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 5: use this, or you'd say, do you have something I
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 5: just happen to have because he kept everything.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 5: So it's it's a cultural it's an era type thing
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 5: as well, where they're like, if we have stuff, we
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 5: have things, you know, people will see us. We have
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 5: status because we have stuff.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: In scarcity mindset, we were talking earlier about the trauma
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: of going through scary things financially. That's a really interesting
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 1: hypothesis that maybe some of the sentimental hoarding is also
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: like this itchiness about letting go of something whenever you've
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 1: been through times and you didn't have that.
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 5: And there's also that she's showing, like, look how much
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 5: I love you. I saved the thing you make in
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 5: regards now I have it.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 4: Yes, Yeah, did did the writers say, did Biler say
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 4: if they have kids?
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: Biler did not mention having children?
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 2: Okay, because they live away from mom.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 4: They live five hours away from mom, and and you know,
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 4: especially if you have like grandkids around, you know, she's
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 4: she's missing missing people, missing stuff, and and she's got
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 4: this stuff from your childhood that she's that she's being
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 4: reminded of of nice times.
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 5: Nostalgic.
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, the nostalgia thing. I don't know if any
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: of y'all relate to this. I I do this. I
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: have a really hard time. Like I have little arts
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: and crafts that my daughter made for me, and like
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 1: my office, which Jared and I were talking about having telehealth.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: That's one of my other favorite things about telehealth. It's
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: I could decorate however the hell I want, because they
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: only see me, Like they can't see my desk, and
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: so my desk and walls, my entire office is just
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 1: covered in arts and crafts from my daughter. Like she
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: just constantly delivers me the next thing. She's like, here,
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 1: I sowed you this, and I'm like, this is great,
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: and then I love it because like I'm looking around
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 1: and seeing all these cute little things that remind me
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 1: of my kids. But like my wife has come in
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: before him and like, hey, you gotta clean this. I'm like,
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 1: first off, this is my office, this sacred space, and
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: it's a hip of violation for me. And I can
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 1: not call the cops this time. All that's right, do
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: not see this is please knock side gosh. But like yeah,
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 1: she'll say, hey man, you gotta like purge some of this,
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: like it's it's getting cluttery and it breaks my own hurt.
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 1: So that's my baby.
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 5: I may or may not have a big tub full
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 5: of things like that on my girl. I know right
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 5: where it is. I can see the box.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 6: One little tub, yes, for each one of my kids.
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: See, but my mom is very much like this writer's
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: mom too. My mom lives in Tampa, Florida, and so
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 1: this has been an ongoing drama in my life. But
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 1: she flies into Vegas to visit the kids and see me,
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 1: and every time she does, she brings a load of
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: my childhood bullshit rock collection. Bought my fucking rock collection,
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: which I paid eighty dollars for her to bring on
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 1: Spirit outweight. I get free points. Kelly in don't you
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 1: judge me about flying my mom on Spirit? His mom
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 1: was a fly Spirit.
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 2: Jim flies his mother.
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: On I had points and I had to spend them,
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: right credit card, I know, and not a high rolling lord.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: I'm a lord on a budget. No, So like I
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: flew my mom in on Spirit and she like calls
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 1: me from airport or no, she she just paid. She
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: paid for a whole second bag because her first bag
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 1: weighed too much, and I'm not gonna let her pay that.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: So when she gets there, I vend more of the
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: money and I'm like, I'm really sad that they hassled you.
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 1: And she opens up her back and pulls out my
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 1: rock collection and gives it to my daughter. I'm like,
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 1: these are just literally stolen from a Texas yard, Like why,
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: But like she does this every time she showed up
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: with my Ninja Turtles, which actually was pretty fucking cool,
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: Like I have all my old Ninja Turtles. Yeah, hell
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: yeah they do. I have all my old Ghostbusters. So
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 1: sometimes she wins on this move. Okay, but also I'm
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: still pissed off at the rock collection that cost me
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: eighty bucks. Like, buy new rock. They're rocks. They're not
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 1: even worth eighty bucks.
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 2: Oh, by rocks.
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: Don't buy rocks. Hey, Nomada has rocks too. It turns
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: out you don't need these rocks from the eighties. But anyway,
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 1: so I relate to these old rocks. It's silly get
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: new rocks.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 3: Curious. How you feel that your mom gave you those things.
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: It's sweet, it's really sweet and so and I don't
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 1: throw them away though, and so when she brings them. Now,
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: I have a whole shelf of the garage, which is
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: driving my wife crazy. She's like, you don't throw anything
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: out that your daughter gives you. You don't throw any
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: of this toys out that your mom brings you.
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 2: You throw everything out that your wife gives.
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: You don't need anymore. I save cards, like birthday cards
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: and adiversary cards. I have like a drawer filled with them,
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: and I have some weird juju about throwing them away. Yeah,
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: we'll see them be like, I need to get rid
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: of this, And I'm like, but what if I do?
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 4: Because it's a nice it's a nice, thoughtful thing that
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 4: somebody sent you. And it feels it feels a little
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 4: there's a touch of betrayal there.
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 1: Good We're all on the same page. Buyler, you're a
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 1: bad son. I think that's what we're trying to say.
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: Take your mom's stuff, go get a storage shed and
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 1: pay a modest fee, you know, because.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 7: I'm curious about Like, the emotionally immature aspect is what
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 7: really stood out to me for this so like, and
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 7: I don't know, but the way that I read it
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 7: or heard it was really more like this is coming
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 7: from a place of parents are using some sort of manipulation.
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 7: And I think there's a lot of guilt. Yeah, there
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 7: was I feel guilty. I feel shame about this, But
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 7: at the same time, there was truth. Like he told
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 7: his mom I threw them away. I tossed that.
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 1: I was surprised at the honest I would have lied.
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: I have don't listen to this mom.
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 5: This is and also this is his side of the story.
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 5: You don't know what Mom's motivation is of giving them.
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 7: He's the client now, so like I you know what
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 7: I mean, Yeah, we'll take his side. Well, I'm trying
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 7: to recruit him as a client. Of course he's already
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 7: my client, right, So, like.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 4: That is our traditional point of view on the show
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 4: is we just believe anything that people write.
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's all we got. That's they're true. Yea.
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: But yeah, maybe Buyler does feel a little manipulated here,
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: but honorable that Builer's like, no, Mom, I threw that away.
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 7: Yeah, And I think maybe the five hours away thing
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 7: is also a boundary that maybe was set. Like I
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 7: just think that's maybe the guilt about actually setting reasonable
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 7: boundaries at the same time, you live in small apartment.
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 7: You cannot take tough right crafts back with you. It's
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 7: nice that she has them, gosh, but.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 1: You know that is that's perfect. And you know what's
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 1: interesting about that too. And Kelly, and I know I
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 1: keep pigeoningholing you with couple stuff, but like you're the
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: only one of us that's like identified as proactively trying
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 1: to do a couple stuff. But you know, this is interesting, right,
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 1: because sometimes one member of the couple, or the diead
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 1: in this case, imposes their values and their expectations and
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 1: their desires on the other one and say like, hey,
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 1: look this matters to me, So you're this is my
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 1: favorite thing. You're not allowed to change. It's like I
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: need permission to redecorate our home or to do this.
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: It's like, nope, nope, this is my value. It matters
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: to me. This has to stay here. And sometimes I
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: can be really imposing and it's tough to like give
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 1: them that space to talk that out when you're gonna
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 1: fundamentally have different emotional views on the issue.
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 6: Of course, it's holding two truths at the same time.
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 6: And they're not the same people, right, And so what
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 6: one finds value the other doesn't. But how do we
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 6: make space for both, right? And how do we come
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 6: to a place that we honor both and the individuality?
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 6: And yes, with this, just like that writer's point with
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 6: it emotionally immature, I was going.
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 3: To say the same book.
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 6: But yes, he was raised in that environment and he
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 6: got away for a reason. He couldn't feel supported and
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 6: validated and heard and understood, so he left along with
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 6: his sister so that's tough when he comes back into
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 6: it because he's still not being heard.
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 6: So yeah, it's just holding two people at the same time,
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 6: and it can be true for both making space.
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: I like this phrase sometimes, the dignity of discomfort, as
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: a way to sort of frame it's okay that your
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 1: action or your decision or your boundary is not happy
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: for the other person, and you're actually, in a sense
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 1: showing them respect and honor by not babying them, by
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 1: not protecting them from your truth. And sometimes there's some
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: authenticity to that.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 5: Of course.
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like that nsty matters, right, it does.
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: And like if it was me, I would have lied
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: to my mom, Like as soon as my mom was like, oh,
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 1: where's that stuff, Like, oh, it's in the cruage, and like,
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: uh no. She's actually a sweetheart and she's been on
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: the show lots and lots of time.
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 4: She sends me a lot of Jim's old crafts to
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 4: getting I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, we might we might
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 4: have some ship to work.
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 2: The sex is still great.
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: Almost the whole show without joking about sleeping with my mom.
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: It's almost a record for you. Very impressed. I didn't
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: tell a joke.
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 4: By the way Jim has been nervous the entire night
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 4: that I'm gonna say horrible things with guests.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: This is the most censored Jacob we've ever had on
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 1: the show. So only getting one.
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 2: It's just a different rhythm of the show.
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 1: That's Yeah.
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing it because of anything other than just
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 2: the rhythm.
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: Of the show. Yeah, but no, these are really good observations.
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: And you know, to Byler's question, you know, this is
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 1: a this is a tough thing because you know, we
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 1: don't want to just say it's not your problem, right,
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 1: Becau because he says, look, my truth is also it.
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 1: I don't like making mom feel sad, and like, you know,
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: I don't like that. I don't want to make you know,
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 1: her feel bad. But at the same time, this is
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 1: a difficult thing when it's not my problem, right and
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: you're handing this off. And I also don't want to
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 1: piss anybody off and get written out of the will,
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 1: right Yeah, yeah, so oh don't worry. I was coming
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 1: back to the will. Yeah, we got to get that money, Jacob.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 1: How do we tap into that sweet money? Oh?
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 4: I think you take everything that she sends you. I
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 4: think you hut it put it all. I think you
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 4: take a photograph of it, and then you just start
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 4: photoshopping pictures of rooms with all of these things you're
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 4: just taking photos of. And that way, if she's like, hey,
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 4: where's that thing, you be like, oh, it's in this
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 4: room and send her the picture.
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 1: Yes, okay, I'm gonna take that a step further because
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: they think you're.
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 4: Wait wait, wait, no, no, I make it more complicated
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 4: that it needs to be. Just take a picture of
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 4: the thing in the room and then throw it away.
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 1: Yes, just digitize it. Yes, memory in your home, that's
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 1: the move.
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 4: Then throw the thing away and she asks, yep, here's
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 4: the picture of it right here on the wall.
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 2: Oh it's not on the wall right now? He send
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 2: a box, will come back out like next season.
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, so not but digitize everything by her. It's twenty
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: twenty five.
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 5: Areat if you sat down and digitized it with her
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 5: and said mom, they do.
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 2: It with an actual good suggestion connection.
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 1: So we're gonna do what you just said, Janet, And
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: we need to go a step further. Okay, it's not
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 1: enough to get into the will. We need to get
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 1: sister kicked out of it. So we've got it. Of course,
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 1: we are just got to get paid. He sponsors the show.
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 5: At mom the whole time. My sister would never do this.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 1: You've got to be planting those seeds of the whole time,
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 1: and maybe like just throw it around, you know, like
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: if sister's name is Susan despect. I don't know why
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 1: Susan throws all this stuff away.
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 2: It's so nice.
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 1: I appreciate something.
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 2: You've held on to it for all these things.
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: And sister doesn't give a ship, she doesn't care, and
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: she's talked so much about you. Six Yeah, I'm five hours.
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 1: Let's by the way, I love you, mother. I can
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 1: you write down your recipe for that mac and cheese,
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 1: because I just.
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 4: You know, the one that always made me feel wonderful
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 4: as a child.
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 2: It just fixed all.
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 1: The problem Susan doesn't like, you know, she always said
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 1: was too cheese.
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 4: She says she's lactose intolerant, she's a bitch, she's.
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 1: Yes, and then lie to Susan on the other side
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 1: and away, what about you. Yeah, I'm not dealing with
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 1: mom and Dad's bullshit anymore. Okay, I throw it away
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 1: in front of them. I said it on fire.
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 4: You should too, they give it to me, I tell
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 4: them that I'm gonna throw it away. You should start
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 4: to stand up to them.
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 1: That's the game plan, Biler. You're welcome as soon as
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: you get your money, become a therapy partner. Well we
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 1: have gotten Oh no, that's not true. We're taking a
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 1: quick break and when we come back, we're wrapping up
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 1: the show. You're listening to pod therapy blah blah blah.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 1: Therap producers sponsor the show. Thank you. I don't remember
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 1: your names.
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 4: Oh, it's been so nice to have qualified therapists the
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 4: show today.
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 1: Aren't they doing so great? It's so great to.
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 2: It's so pleasant.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: Welcome back. As we wrap up the show, we want
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 1: to remind you can sign up at patreon dot com
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: slash therapy and you can get our extended show ad
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 1: free a day earlier, as well as enjoy our live
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 1: chat discord community and our weekly deep dives, interviews, skill shares,
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: research roundups and rants. And as we welcome our newest
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: therapy producer, Chick Fillatio. Hey, welcome Chick Fillatio. Love it.
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 1: We'd like to thank the benevolent, revered, generous, and flagrantly
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 1: pro therapy diehards who love you all so much. They
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 1: give till it hurts. Our therapy partners Dirty B and Picket,
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: and we want to thank our bosses, the Mysterious and
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 1: shroud out of Illuminati. Members of the fan Club that
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 1: their producers thank you. Jake Schneider, Meira, Robert Brownie, Junior, Mint,
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 1: Smitty Scoop, Judy Schneider, Kayla Ansberry, Malia, Leon cassab Mason Miller,
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 1: Richard Fucking Macy, Carolyn Albert, Kevin Chamberlain, Tess Miller, Sammy Scoop,
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: Ben Stanley, slap in your face, Sarah Smith, Adam Hathaway,
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: Builer t thanks for the letter, Builer, Mike Helm, Paris,
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 1: Darren Cunningham, Lib Team Monico, Thunder Cougar Falcon, Scoop, Hey
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 1: o Oscar Swan ros A sunny Boy, slurpecaye, motherfucker, Sandra mcwoffle,
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 1: Dan Martin, Hannah, Marie Andrew Langmead, Emma Kaine, Alina Cody, Delorian, Guy,
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 1: Sam Cone, Brady Malay, Chick, Gabriel Adam and Welcoming Chick Fillatio.
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 1: If you'd like to hear this episode uncut and unedited,
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: and would you and enjoy our spontaneous side projects. Go
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 1: to patreon dot com slash therapy and thank you for
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 1: supporting mental health. Well that's all the time we've got
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 1: for this week's session. We want to thank our special
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 1: guests Janet, Kelly Ann and doctor Jared and don't forget
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 1: you and learn more about the show and share our
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 1: episodes with the world. Tag us on the socials when
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 1: you do. It's at pod therapy Guys on Instagram, threads
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 1: and Twitter and blues guy, it's slash pod therapy on Facebook.
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 1: Don't forget about all the extra goodies at patreon dot
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: com slash therapy. Do you want to submit a question
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 1: to our show, ask anonymously at podtherapy dot net or
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 1: email us at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com.
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 1: Or pop over to that episode description and clicked the
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 1: anonymous Google form link. There it'll take you into a
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 1: former you can drop a question for us. Signing off,
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 1: I'm Jim Can Yes you are, Kelly. I'm just pointing
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 1: around the room, all right, yeah today, Jemmy. Yeah, enjoy
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 1: your disciplinary time off. You're gonna punish no more bullying.
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: Kim Chers friends, thank you so much for joining us.
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 1: This was a lot of fun. Does anybody have any
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 1: projects or anything that you want to plug You're welcome
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 1: to share with you. You're welcome to or you can
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 1: remain as anonymous as you have. But if you would
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 1: like people to find your website, you can tell them
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 1: where to find it if they'd like to collaborate with you.
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 3: You do not have to absolutely, absolutely, absolutely right.
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 7: No, you can't know anything about me.
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 1: I've spent eight years in paranoia. Now I'm going to
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 1: get in trouble for this. If you are too, I
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 1: get it. But go ahead, Kelly and tell us about
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 1: your information.
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 6: I have a private practice here in Las Vegas. It's
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 6: Co Creating Healing Counseling.
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: Co Creating Healing Counseling. Yeah cool, and.
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 6: I do workshops every other month for hold Me Tight Awesome.
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 3: It's for all couples, all stages, all great website.
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 6: Yes, Co Creating Healing Counseling dot com dot com.
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 1: That's her official song that goes with jingle Janet, you
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 1: want to pitch anything.
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 5: Absolutely. My personal website from my private practice is Experiencecourage
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 5: dot com. I also have a website, Las Vegas Therapy,
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 5: Las Vegas Play therapy dot com.
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 1: Good get on that. Yeah, wait to snag that where.
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 5: I last year sponsored the first play Therapy conference in
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 5: Las Vegas, and hopefully we'll be doing it again next year.
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're doing that.
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 5: That is interested in being a supporter of vendor or
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 5: a sponsor. Check it out.
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 1: Things are coming my sister. I'm going to get her
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 1: connected with you because that's going to be really exciting,
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 1: Doctor Jared.
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm not really looking for clients right now except.
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 1: For Builer Exceptyler.
• 1:28:29
  Speaker 7: But yeah, I'm little more for friends. So I'm going
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 7: to give my Instagram Doctor Jarrett just spelled out d
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 7: O C T O R Jared.
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 1: I like it, very cool, doctor Jared from Subway there
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 1: you go.
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 2: Oh my god.
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: No, really proud of how much transformation you've gone through.
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 1: You really come a long way out on God. Waiting
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 1: all night to miss that joke, held on to it
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 1: right at the end. Goodbye, everybody. Why